#this isnt meant to be edgy i just am pondering. im also not going to my college graduation i really hate big organized events out of anxiet

[girlwithfish]

i only had two friends in hs and thats a lot but it was for under two yrs and then i talked to no one for the restof hs after i moved. i dont understand people who can be in big friend groups it seems a little exhausting but nice if theres no drama and such. i think id like a small friend group but i made no friends at college 😭 i also barely had friends in middle school. i think its just been hard for me to make friends in general and maybe that makes me a loser but im pretty content w isolating myself as an adult and adult friendships are harder to find. i could have tried harder at the hs i finished hs at but i spent 3-4 yr just being alone and listening to music and going to class and talking to no one

#i talked to one person in passing at my hs graduation when everyone was taking photos w huge groups of friends. i guess i just dont under #understand how that stuff works how do people function in huge groups and maintain an identity and value in a big group i feel id get lost #and be ignored #this isnt meant to be edgy i just am pondering. im also not going to my college graduation i really hate big organized events out of anxiet #anxiety #ik my parents will want me to but i dont see a point. im proud im finishing college soon hopefully if i dont fuck up my last semesters but #i had such a bad experience at my hs graduation not to still b annoyed but i spent over an hr looking for my family at the venue after #outside in like june heat and my whole family left besides my mom and i had no phone #bc my dress didnt have pockets so my mom had my phone and #i had to keep asking to use strangers phones to try to call my mom and i was very anxious shed be mad at me or annoyed #and idk #i have an aversion to graduations nd organized events in general. i will be relieved to just rest in the spring after #its all over and my bday is a week after my final semester ends #i hope i cN do something fun nd that i want to do next yr if i make it to my bday. i really want to go to the zoo or go on a small trip #somewhere or just do something i dont normally do like a small outing or go to a nice restaurant w just me n my bf or go to an exhibit or #idk