#this looks super edgy but its not i just wanted to draw miku | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

amirightladies · 6 years

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when i was a kid i never had crushes on fictional characters or actors. ive never been able to relate when people said things like ‘scully made me gay’ and ive always been jealous of , a childhood experience i feel as though i missed out on. until fucking today, and OH GOD i am no longer jealous. TODAY i ride the shame train. i just realised luka fucking megurine is what made me gay.

its 2011. im 12. im at the peak of my weebhood. i solely listen to vocaloid. i am constantly drawing its characters, my main obsession is luka megurine. today, 6 years later i realise my shame.

i was reading her wikia page today, and was instantly reminded of how hot she is, but unexpectedly, a wave of emotion came over me, as i remembered how when i was 12, i also found her fucking hot and would constantly draw her. i mean. look at that turtleneck. the boots. the THIGH-HIGHS. lesbian icon. anyway, so obviously i have to listen to magnet to ride this gay wave and i remember. vocaloid fucking femslash was the first depiction i had ever seen of a healthy wlw relationships!! and i was so into it!!

as invested in vocaloid as i was, of course i got into shipping, and of course theres a billion vocaloid songs with generic het plotlines, but yknow, thats nothing special, and vocaloid was also the beginning of me getting turned off of m/m ships by just how fervent people get about them. and yknow, the whole fetishisation thing. and me, being the edgy little shit i was, got into the miku stalker songs hole, and just why are there so many? who keeps making them? they were so gruesome!! terrible depictions of relationships. however, the f/f ship songs were always so healthy. magnet? world’s end dance hall? bubbly pop, a little angsty, but overall about loving your partner and wanting to be with them! it was the FIRST TIME id been exposed to wlw relationships like that! before that, based off my experience with media and family, i had thought that being wlw was an aftereffect of tragedy. vocaloid was the first time id seen gay being okay. it was normal, portrayed the same as any other relationship, just with a bit more estrangement. it awakened me to being ok with myself being gay of course, helped by me thinking luka megurine is super fucking hot.

so as nice as that realisation is NOW i am shamed forever that big tiddy anime lady is what made me gay!! WHY cant i just say scully made me gay like everyone else?? WHY must my weeb past continue to haunt me??!!

#vocaloid #megurine luka

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