#this pic is when the tat was fresh so some of the lines look a lil bleedy but thats normal :') | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sweaterkittensahoy · 1 year

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I think I posted this pic the moment my latest tat was done, but I don't recall. And I'm lazy.

So, here it is very, very fresh. And here's a shot with it that's post-healing:

Which is very appropriate because it's a tattoo all about healing and and growth and shit.

Some history: I doodled a little rune that got stuck in my head one day. It was just some lines and a couple of dots. I don't have any photos of it. It was meant to remind me that growth is best possible with an open mind and an open heart while still maintaining good boundaries.

There's a book I read very early on in my relationship with my previous therapist. It was called Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder.

It includes this passage:

Consider a lighthouse. It stands on the shore with its beckoning light, guiding ships safely into the harbor. The lighthouse can’t uproot itself, wade out into the water, grab the ship by the stern, and say, “Listen, you fool! If you stay on this path, you may break up on the rocks!

No, the ship has some responsibility for its own destiny. It can choose to be guided by the lighthouse. Or it can go its own way. The lighthouse is not responsible for the ship’s decisions. All it can do is be the best lighthouse it knows how to be.

I grew up the parentified child of an alcoholic who is STILL an active alcoholic and have spent the majority of my life doing caretaking well above and beyond both what I want to do and absolutely beyond the absolute zero training I have (former friend). I was in my 20s before I realized how often I'd been taken advantage of by emotional manipulators who didn't want to change. They just wanted someone who would tell them they were a good person. Problem being that I'd hit a wall and say, "Look, you complain about the same shit all the time. You need to commit to doing something different." And then I was iced out because they didn't WANT to find safety. They wanted to run into the rocks over and over and get sympathy for doing so.

Many Sailor Jerry tattoos (aka American traditional tattoos) are set as a symbol. When I first looked at my rune and considered getting a tattoo, I knew the little lines and dots I'd drawn wouldn't be enough. It was subtle. I am not, as a rule, subtle. So, I figured out the details of what it meant, and I knew the Sailor Jerry style was the fit.

A brain with an open stem to show an open mind.

A mending heart because life brings heartbreak, and the only way out is through.

A saguaro cactus. One of the slowest growing organisms in the world. But when it hits a point of growth, it blooms giant, pink flowers you cannot ignore.

And the bright light of the lighthouse, done in Sailor Jerry style.

All outlined and (mostly) protected by strong boundaries that--no matter how strong--you may still breach because it feels worth it.

Most importantly, it sits on my chest as a reminder each time I look in the mirror, that while I can only be a lighthouse to others, I can take care of myself. I can love my open mind and mending heart. I can have slow growth that pays out beautiful dividends when it's time.

I can shine my light inside myself and make it all grow.

#tattoos #sailor jerry #traditional american tattoo #symbolism #and other shit

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anogete · 5 years

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Bullet List of My Very Random Thoughts on Endgame

Don't click the keep reading link if you haven't seen the movie yet. I don’t want to be responsible for ruining your first watch of the movie. Serious, guys. Only click if you’ve seen it.

I really enjoyed it and I'm happy to suspend my disbelief with almost all of the time travel plot element. All things considered, it was masterfully executed and a beautiful love letter to the characters, movies, and fans.

My original six lovelies:

- Tony's arc was beautiful and heartbreaking but in a very satisfying way. I think most of us saw that one coming with the way IW set him up against Thanos. It was that much more poignant when you saw he was happy with Pepper and their little girl but still couldn’t step away from helping make things right if he had the ability. Pepper knew he couldn’t avoid involving himself despite not wanting to jeopardize his life with her, so her encouragement at the beginning and her comment to him right before he died (“We’re going to be okay. You can rest.”) just break my fucking heart. So does Peter crying over a wounded and dying Tony, telling him they won. Oh man. The waterworks were something fierce.

- Nat was a surprise but packed a shockingly hard punch for me. Maybe that was in part because it WAS a surprise and also because when we opened the movie she felt so fragile even though she was the one keeping the hope alive. That moment with her sad little sandwich and the news about Clint being so far off the rails that Steve interrupts? That alone made my heart hurt for her. My stomach dropped when I saw her and Clint climbing the mountain on Vormir as I realized what had to happen to get the Soul Stone. I was hopeful they could game the system and jump off the cliff together and both live, but I understand why this would cheapen it. She always felt like the glue that kept all these big personalities and big egos together, so it hurts that she’s gone and the group has been fractured with Tony’s death and Steve being out of the game.

- As for Clint--I’m assuming he returns to the family man life unless something big comes up in the future. I don’t know anything about Renner’s contract, but I’d like to see Hawkeye again. The hair and the sword and the arms and tats and revenge attitude really did it for me. How very dare they make him look this edible.

- Thor coping with grief by drinking beer (that beer belly, though!) and playing video games with Korg and Miek was actually refreshing and endearing. I know some people didn’t like seeing him that way, but it gives his character so much depth. Besides, he was back to his kickass self by the end of the movie. I do love that he handed over New Asgard to Valkyrie to rule, and I hope we see him pop into movies in the future, especially with that adorable rivalry between him and Quill.

- Bruce and his newfound truce with Hulk was a delight to see and completely unexpected. Also, Bruce/Hulk with the muscles and the voice and the five o’clock shadow and the glasses? Ummmm... ::is tempted to write Hulky Bruce smut:: I hope he’ll be in future movies.

- Steve. Ahh, Steve. I loved the fight with himself and the funny little winks to the viewers with the lines (America’s Ass, “I can do this all day”, “Hail Hydra”). I loved that he was encouraging others to move on when he couldn’t seem to do so himself. I LOVED him wielding Mjolnir, especially when the lightning started flying out of it. Thor’s reaction to that (”I knew it!”) was adorable. But, I’m torn with Steve’s storyline. I wanted him to get his happily ever after. I was dreading seeing him die in this movie, which I thought was definitely going to happen. But what was so shocking to me was that he got exactly what I wanted him to get but it felt so cheap to me. I left the movie satisfied with everything but the way they ended things with Steve, and yet I couldn’t seem to put my finger on why I started hating it the more I thought about it. I know a ton of people are Stucky ‘shippers and, while I love his relationship with Bucky, I’ve never ‘shipped them together. I’m not thrilled about the way they glossed over that relationship, but I understand the necessity because of time constraints. I don’t mind that Steve handed the Shield off to Sam because I assumed either he or Bucky (or even both) would pick it up in Steve’s absence. Bucky would have been a nice full circle between the two of them on their separate paths, but I also understand why it was given to Sam. Bucky obviously knew exactly what was going on, though I thought the distance between him and Steve was a bit strange. Maybe they were trying to make a point of showing that Steve and Bucky have both changed. Whatever. I can live with it, I guess. No one wanted Steve to get his happy ending more than me. So, what gives? I couldn’t figure out why it felt so wrong and cheap and like the worst kind of fan service. @bulmavegotaku sent me THIS ARTICLE which actually articulates what has been bothering me. Just because I wanted a happy ending for Steve doesn’t mean that it was what was best or even what was in-character for him. I know other people thought that him hiding in the past to live his life with Peggy WAS in-character, but I don’t think it was at all. And that’s not even to mention the fuckery with Peggy’s timeline. Yeah, yeah, they left the question of who Steve married up in the air by not having him divulge that info when Sam asked, but I’m not stupid. He says she’s the love of his life. If he’s going back, he’s not going to share a dance with her and then go marry some other chick in the past. Please. And that makes Steve Sharon’s uncle. Which is... weird and WTF. But maybe they thought we’d forget all that since it is now an alternate reality or whatever. So, Steve’s “ending” was the one major thing I really didn’t like. I’m sure one day I’ll write some fic that branches off into an AU in which it didn’t happen that way. It’s a little too fresh right now for me to tackle, though. I need to get the bad taste out of my mouth.

Other things I liked:

- Nebula’s dynamic and (at times) heartbreaking storyline as we watched her internal struggle actually play out in front of us with two Nebulas. My heart dropped when Rhodey was able to return to the present time on Earth, but she got trapped in the past with Thanos. I’m so happy she survived. Plus, her game of finger football with Tony was so goddamn endearing for both of them.

- Gamora being alive and the thought of watching her future interactions with Quill all over again. I love the sexual tension and the chase for sure. However, if past Gamora ends up in present time, then did all that stuff with Quill and the other Guardians even happen? Her past self is in the present and so is Nebula’s past self. Plus, Thanos plays a part (even if he’s off-screen) in much of the two Guardians movies, so if his past self died in the present, did this create some sort of alternate reality in which the things we witnessed didn’t actually happen in that way? This kinda ties in with my dislike of Steve’s storyline. Too much fucking with time travel begins to unravel the plot and create holes that I start picking at.

- Thanos turning to dust. So so so satisfying. What an absolutely arrogant turd.

- “On your left.” What a wonderful moment when you heard Sam’s voice and saw T’Challa appear from that portal followed by all of the others.

- While I didn’t enjoy it, I did think the fight between Steve and an emaciated and exhausted Tony at the beginning of the movie was so well done and well-acted. What a low point to climb out from.

- The scene in the beginning when they kill Thanos was also pretty low, but I thought a great way to start the movie. You can kill the bad guy, but that won’t change all the bad he did.

- I feel like Scott Lang is all of us. The scene with him outside when his taco blows away was so wonderful. And the scene in the diner when the kids want pics with Hulky Bruce, but not poor Antman. So awkward and so funny.

- The closure that Tony got with his dad. Oh man, that was the best and made even better because he was a father himself at that moment. Thor being able to speak with his mother and move forward from that was also unexpected but so needed for his character, especially at that moment.

- While I love Carol Danvers and the Captain Marvel movie, I didn’t want her to come in and steal the show from the core group of Avengers as we ended this era of the movies. I’m pleased with the way they used her to rescue Tony and Nebula and then go off to bring some order to the rest of the universe before returning to help in that final battle.

- Speaking of Carol--the scene during the battle when she takes the new gauntlet from Peter in an effort to get it away from Thanos and all the badass women fall in line behind her to assist brings a tear to my eye. What made it even better is it caused the two bros seated beside me to mutter and wiggle uncomfortably in their chairs because it was obvious they didn’t really like that part. As Beyonce would say, “Suck on my balls,” boys.

- Wanda’s white (red?) hot rage toward Thanos when she finally came toe-to-toe with him during the battle. YES. I was cheering her on.

- Steve’s ass. Oh, I’m sorry America’s ass.

- Did I mention Steve wielding Mjolnir?

- Loki being the sneaky little snake he is and grabbing the Tesseract during the confusion when Tony gets hit by the flying door. And Hulk screaming in frustration about how many stairs there are since he wasn’t allowed to ride on the elevator with everyone else.

- Bucky’s luxurious hair. Although, I do want my beefy Civil War Bucky back. On a side note, can someone please please please fix Sam’s facial hair before the next movie or show? Please? I do not like it at all. Anthony Mackie, please go back to WS or CW facial hair. I’m begging you.

I’m ready for more Guardians of the Galaxy featuring Thor. I’m ready to finally watch the first Spiderman movie before the new one comes out. (Don’t shoot me for not seeing it yet!) I’m pumped for more Carol as Captain Marvel. I love the original characters the best, but I understand we have to move forward and I’m trying to embrace these new babies even though they aren’t Tony or Nat or Steve. I’m consoling myself with Bucky and Sam right now.

And most of all, I’m excited to start writing again. I started something last night, but I don’t want to give many details until I know if what I threw on the wall is going to stick. If it does, then it’ll be Wintershock, take place after Endgame, and will probably be fluffy and free of life and death situations. My heart can’t take any more of that between Endgame and Game of Thrones. I’ll pop in periodically to keep anyone who cares updated on new material from me. Can’t wait to see you again over on AO3 this summer!

#marvel endgame #avengers endgame #avengers spoilers #endgame spoilers #mcu #spoilers #for shit's sake don't read if you haven't seen endgame

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dancal13 · 5 years

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Day 2 – So Much Music, So Much Wine

Quick Disclaimer: Suzy and I both love live music, which is awesome as music has always meant a lot to me. And now Jack, Bailey and Megan are all into music - so I am still learning about and loving new music, while keeping up with past favorites. But I have grown to hate large crowds (might even be a phobia for the small-minded person - meaning me). So, we pay attention to all the small venues in Seattle and see a lot of up and coming bands as well as lot of bands that are past their prime. Pretty cool on the whole, but what we miss out on is the big tours, the bands in the their prime, for example U2’s most recent stadium tour. Not a chance that I would go to that even though I love U2. But Susan is clever and not one to give up on something she wants to do. As I mentioned in the Prologue a couple of years ago our friends the Wilbur’s mentioned BottleRock and Susan had her in. Combining and weaving my love for music with my addiction and love for red wine into her sales pitch. The opportunity to see the Red Hot Chile Peppers (never seen by me) and hang in Napa Valley. I was low hanging fruit. (Sorry not such quick disclaimer after all)

And here we are…

We woke up Sunday morning to a chill and the threat of rain and thunder (could be song lyrics). Much different than our previous visits, where our fears mostly included sunburn and 100-degree weather. No rain gear, no worries – Susan doesn’t believe in General Admission, that is so bourgeois. We are VIP Baby and VIP gets you shelter, nice bathrooms, shorter food and drink lines and an obvious sense of superiority. This of course could easily be disproved, but it’s our story, so stick it. Our friends the Robbs (Jill and John) flew in early that morning and met us for breakfast prior to rocking out. As true festival goers our breakfast included eggs benedict, smoked salmon-arugula-egg flatbread, Belgium waffles with fresh a bananas and a ham-gruyere omelet, obviously the breakfast of music rebels everywhere.

From there we dropped off the muscle car, its head banging purpose complete and left for the festival. As we arrived the clouds opened, and we again questioned our attire. We watched in utter horror as umbrellas were collected at the gate and tossed into waiting garbage cans - NOT ALLOWED. But we were quickly reminded who we were.

We were VIP and loving every minute of it. First Stop, I know hard to guess, the bar and wait, you guessed it a covered area looking over the main stage. We would never be anything but damp again as each big stage had a covered area waiting for us.

We had been here before, the covered area previously acted as shade, apparently it can serve two purposes. With wine and cocktails in hand we quickly worked our strategy. In the two years since we had last attended there were some improvements to VIP. The first being that they had set aside a huge portion of the field in front of the stage for those of us who wanted to see the performers up close. More on that later.

We headed back to the food and drink areas set aside for our elite status, which included some pretty awesome restaurants and drink options and an acoustic lounge, that featured performers who were finished with their sets or still yet to perform. These quick and intimate performances lasted about 4 to 6 songs, with a much smaller crowd, maybe a 150 people at its largest. Pretty cool. Just a quick note: though we didn’t take advantage of this (or get taken advantage of by this) there was a booth selling very high-end CUPS of wines. I wish I would have taken a picture of the menu for posterity. You could get a small “plastic cup” of Joseph Phelps Insignia for a mere $72. It is here where we were quickly reminded that though we were VIP Special, we were way, way less special than the VIP Platinum attendees.

After some food and drink and an acoustic set or two, we ventured out to the main stage to see Skylar Grey. My only knowledge of her was when we received the first set of promotional materials and I was scrolling through the various artists; I was stopped by the picture of her legs. See the accompanying picture 😊. Apparently, she is a singer songwriter known more for songs that she has written for more famous artists, she is also currently a local of Napa and a big fan of wine, maybe we will hangout some time. The first song performed was a song she wrote for Puff Daddy, P Diddy or whatever his current name is. She had a fantastic voice, tons of tats, and yes great legs.

We stayed for 4 or 5 songs, grabbed some fun pictures, and text-taunted our friends the Wilbur’s who went for multiple days and did GA, while hosting one of their daughter, a nephew and other young friends (as mentioned, VIP access got us pretty close to the stage)

Next stop the Firefox stage to see Gang of Youths. If you have been to a music festival, typically you will come across a band you do not know, know only one song, or maybe know a few and their performance far exceeds your expectations - You are now a fan! In the past I have had that reaction to Coleman Hell, New Politics, Odesza – this year it was Gang of Youths, sorry for the bad pic, I have video, but not quite sure how to embed. They were rockers from Australia, and the lead singer and guitarist looked like Jon Snow from Game of Thrones, so Suzy enjoyed them as well. Hmmmm… GoY vs GoT coincidence? I think not.

I was also able to capture this image during GoY, of the GA crowd behind me and my cup of cabernet. I almost felt sad for their existence. Then I took another sip of cabernet, enjoyed the music and all was forgotten.

We headed to the third of four stages to see the Teskey Bros, a blues band that Susan had become a fan of, but finally bumped into our friends Brian and Anne, pictured below drinking Frozés (yup rosé slushies)

and then stopped nearby for a quick visit to the Silent Disco. A huge dance floor where everyone is provided a set of headphones that are channeling 2 or 3 different DJs. Pretty funny to watch a bunch of people dancing together but to different music. On a channel that I wasn’t on, Don’t Stop Believing, by Journey was playing. Half of the audience/dancers were singing along and singing so loud that I couldn’t hear my headphones, it was time to go.

The Teskey brothers were good and we stayed for most of their set. We then made our way back to the main stage, the acoustic lounge and the food and beverage area in time for the evening set. This is where my funny wife stepped up. After getting an unsatisfactory pour of bubbles while I was receiving an abundant one, she decided to watch me during my next order. Again, I received above the line pours for both our drinks. Susan screamed; you are flirting with the guy working the bar. And then again yelled that I was flirting with the girl during our next stop. Obviously these days I don’t believe in gender labeling (thanks Megan for you guidance), so I just went about my business of flirting, I know right – I AM SO WOKE. The entertainment ensued from there as Suzy started making friends with people who had arrived early enough for seats, or spaces at the rails or just looked fun. After hanging a while with Suz, they would then offer their spaces to her as they left – by the end of the day we each had a role… Flirty WOKE Guy and Friendly “Who’s Your Buddy” Girl a match made in rock and roll festival heaven

Evening set: First up was Michael Franti and Spearhead. Seems like he performs every year at Bottlerock, and I’m not sure anyone has a better time doing so. We were near the stage, but when Michael Franti performs, that means you only get to see him up close for half the time. He is a bare foot performer who likes to wander out and sing in the crowd, and he does it well. This was the first performance we stayed at for the entire set.

It was nearly 8:30 now and our backs and legs were nearly spent, but the headliner “Mumford and Sons” took the stage. I’m a big fan of their music but was still surprised and awed by their performance. It was a bit harder than I expected, and they performed with so much energy it was great. I will find a way to see them again, probably multiple times.

It was a long day, and I was sore for a few days after standing and dancing for nearly ten hours. I’m am not interested in attending other festivals like Coachella, likely because they are not in Wine Country. I know snobbery right?

One insight I would like to share. If you are attending something like this and using a bankcard for drinks, check ahead of time with your bank, as we found out the hard way, that it looks suspicious if you make a bunch of small purchases in a day (food and drinks), in another state. The bank can and will freeze your card until the next day, or until you call them. The good news or easy solution is to carry cash or a second card. Learn from our mistakes.

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