#tuserbianca | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

immortal-enemies · 3 years

Text

Constellations

I wrote this in like, two hours. It's been awhile since I wrote anything, so I hope this is okay! Also, sorry if this doesn’t make much sense!! 😂😂😂😂

Kit let the knife slip from his hand, as fluid as water, and listened as it slammed against the target. Opening his eyes, the smallest grimace graced his lips as he saw it had hit near the center, but not quite there.

He reached back to retrieve another throwing knife, only to furrow his brows upon realizing there were none left.

He glanced at the sheath on his thigh.

The Herondale dagger was a self-conscious weight he carried with him everywhere. He would have it all day, not daring to so much as skim the thigh he had it strapped to, and when he had gotten home or simply retired to his room, he would place it carefully in a case on his dresser, there for that purpose.

Lately, he had been asking himself why he never used it, but still carried it.

He didn't have an answer. Perhaps because there wasn't simply one, but it was more of a constellation, several explanations connecting to create the big picture.

So far, he had drawn the lines between few stars.

The boldest one was the simplest: he didn't feel like a Herondale. There was a part of him that asked himself late at night, when sleep strayed as far from him as it possibly could, if he accepted being a Herondale simply because of the heroic William Herondale, a man very close to those who took him in. Maybe he only agreed to be one to satisfy them. To give up something in return for what they were giving up by letting him stay here. He wasn't quite sure what that was, exactly, but it had to be something.

It was never "just because" when it came to him, of that much he was certain- of that much, he had learned during the darkest time in his life.

He, thankfully, didn't dwell on those days much anymore.

One that wasn't as bright, but visible was that he still resented the Shadowhunters. Maybe his hatred was renewed by him finding out he was part fae, and the Cold Peace became something personal to him. He knew it was ridiculous, but it quickly became his reality. What would the Shadowhunters do if they ever found out what he was? What would they say? Would they try to find him? Hunt him down? Of course they would.

Another star, one that gave him a headache looking at: He wasn't truly a Herondale, no matter what he was told.

He wasn't a Shadowhunter. He was also fae.

And it was infuriating when people tried to tell him otherwise.

Because when he brought this up to anyone, he would always hear the same phrase: Shadowhunter blood runs true.

When he heard it, he wished he had more control over himself to send the bastards to whatever limbo he sent the horses when he first discovered himself.

A flickering star; him, angry at his guardians.

Even though they were trying to protect him, they tried to keep him from finding the truth about who- and what- he is.

Just like everyone else.

Another sparkling dot in the darkness. He didn't trust anyone. Hell, he didn't even trust himself.

He couldn't trust. Not ever again.

He was broken.

His father, who had lied to him, didn't take care of him out of love, but out of a debt, a debt to his mother.

The Blackthorns, who had made him feel as if he could be wanted, then ripped that away. They were paying a debt to Emma's cousin, and when it was paid, they took everything back.

Jem and Tessa, who kept information that, had they told him rather than forcing him to find out, would have built some foundation of trust. They were paying a debt as well.

To Will, who was a Herondale.

He knew of the saying "The Carstairs owe the Herondales."

He was merely a debt to be paid, nothing more than a tool to satisfy the need for self-approval of everyone he ever encountered.

No one cared for him. Not truly.

It didn't take long to realize why.

Which drew his mind to the only other star he discovered, with great bitterness: he was unlovable.

It was a fact Johnny hadn't kept a secret.

The simple truth the Blackthorns didn't care enough to alter out of his mind.

Jem and Tessa told him he was loved, but too many times for it to be believable.

He wondered where he would be if he hadn't been taken in by the Carstairs. If he was left alone to carry the burdens only he could carry.

Maybe it would have been better.

Of course, he never voiced this thought aloud. There was hardly any point.

The small amount of stars connected, but only few did to each other. There were many other reasons, more stars needed to complete the constellation.

It was simply too dark to see them just yet.

His hand drifted to the hilt of the dagger he resented, and, pressing his lips into a thin line, grasped it gently. Drawing it out of its sheath, he held it up, passing his fingers along the smooth side of the gleaming blade. The light bounced off of the piece of finely crafted weaponry, making it glitter.

He looked to the target, which was filled with throwing knives that never made it to the center of the circle.

He glanced down at the dagger in his hands and narrowed his eyes.

It wasn't a weapon designed to be thrown, that much he knew for certain.

But he was Kit Rook. When were the rules a priority?

He swung his arm up and to the side, his body turning with it. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath.

Throwing his arm the other way, he released the dagger and followed through with his swing.

The sound of anything splintering the wood of the target was satisfying, but the dagger was practically music.

Opening his eyes, he straightened his back and looked to the target.

A smile tugged at his lips as he gazed at the hilt of the dagger protruding from the dead center of the target.

Maybe he wasn't a Shadowhunter.

Maybe he wasn't a Herondale.

Maybe he wasn't what the world demanded he be.

But maybe, for now, what he was would be enough, whatever that may be.

Tag List: @silvenys @thelostherondale @julieandthefandoms @clremont @hallowedthorns @stxr-thxif @autumnangel20 @the-come-n-stare-family (As always, if you want to be added to/taken off the tag list, let me know!!)

#kit herondale #twp #the wicked powers #jenny's writing #tuserbianca #userkshjeera #*

83 notes · View notes