#unless you are neurotypical and it's your father who just died I suppose

[oldtvandcomics]

I just wish death wasn't such an absolute taboo in our society.

My grandmother died unexpectedly. But, really? Did she really??

Once upon a time, a passer-by helped Death up when he'd fallen down alongside the road. To thank him, Death promised not to come unannounced, but to send a messenger ahead of him. Death sent illness, and fewer, and old age and grey hairs and aching joints. The man didn't recognize any of these as the promised messenger, and was genuinely shocked when Death showed up at his doorstep.

My grandmother died unexpectedly. She was old, and getting noticeably weaker for years now. The last two weeks, she could barely move her arms for pain in her shoulders. Eventually, she had to call a relative for help, who called a doctor, who called an ambulance to take her to the emergency. The next day, she died of heart failure. Unexpectedly.

She was, by a complete coincidence that we definitely won't need to worry about, almost exactly the same age as her father, when he died of sudden heart failure. Funny thing, these coincidences.

My grandfather also died unexpectedly. He had Parkinson's, and wasn't able to move much those last years. Just before his death, my mother took him to the hospital for a check-up, and left him there, then came back here where we live. According to my sister, she cried when she left my grandparents' city. At that time, we visited three times a year, so she knew perfectly well that she would be back in three months' time. Why would she cry? But no, my grandfather died unexpectedly.

The next one to go will be my aunt. It is pretty clear, has been pretty clear since she was diagnosed with cancer last year. We could, theoretically, like, prepare for it. But no, because you can't talk about death, so we can't even mention it unless I'm alone with my father.

"Thank you for helping me," said Death. "As a thanks, I will not come unannounced, but will send a messenger."

"That is a fine thing," said the man. "That way, I won't have to worry about you hiding behind every tree."

And if I say any of this out loud, then I'm an unforgivable asshole.

#personal #rant #death mention tw #I'm just so tired #this whole social thing around her death just takes part on a completely different level of Reality #one that I don't have access to but need to respect #while THEY don't respect MY way of coping #which yeah I guess my grandafters' death was maybe not the best moment to talk about the modern difficulties of pinning down death #and heart stopping vs brain death vs breathing stops #which of course used to happen pretty much at the same time #but in modern hospitals they measure these things very carefully #so it has become three different moments in time and which one do we chose as the moment of death? #very fun to think about #unless you are neurotypical and it's your father who just died I suppose #anyway that's kind of where I'm at now #I just wish I could say any of this out loud #instead of pretending that it was 'unexpected' #It. Was. Not. #I mean it did happen very suddenly #but come on guys #this is an elderly human being we are talking about #of course we knew that she wouldn't live for ever