#I mean it did happen very suddenly

[oldtvandcomics]

I just wish death wasn't such an absolute taboo in our society.

My grandmother died unexpectedly. But, really? Did she really??

Once upon a time, a passer-by helped Death up when he'd fallen down alongside the road. To thank him, Death promised not to come unannounced, but to send a messenger ahead of him. Death sent illness, and fewer, and old age and grey hairs and aching joints. The man didn't recognize any of these as the promised messenger, and was genuinely shocked when Death showed up at his doorstep.

My grandmother died unexpectedly. She was old, and getting noticeably weaker for years now. The last two weeks, she could barely move her arms for pain in her shoulders. Eventually, she had to call a relative for help, who called a doctor, who called an ambulance to take her to the emergency. The next day, she died of heart failure. Unexpectedly.

She was, by a complete coincidence that we definitely won't need to worry about, almost exactly the same age as her father, when he died of sudden heart failure. Funny thing, these coincidences.

My grandfather also died unexpectedly. He had Parkinson's, and wasn't able to move much those last years. Just before his death, my mother took him to the hospital for a check-up, and left him there, then came back here where we live. According to my sister, she cried when she left my grandparents' city. At that time, we visited three times a year, so she knew perfectly well that she would be back in three months' time. Why would she cry? But no, my grandfather died unexpectedly.

The next one to go will be my aunt. It is pretty clear, has been pretty clear since she was diagnosed with cancer last year. We could, theoretically, like, prepare for it. But no, because you can't talk about death, so we can't even mention it unless I'm alone with my father.

"Thank you for helping me," said Death. "As a thanks, I will not come unannounced, but will send a messenger."

"That is a fine thing," said the man. "That way, I won't have to worry about you hiding behind every tree."

And if I say any of this out loud, then I'm an unforgivable asshole.

#personal #rant #death mention tw #I'm just so tired #this whole social thing around her death just takes part on a completely different level of Reality #one that I don't have access to but need to respect #while THEY don't respect MY way of coping #which yeah I guess my grandafters' death was maybe not the best moment to talk about the modern difficulties of pinning down death #and heart stopping vs brain death vs breathing stops #which of course used to happen pretty much at the same time #but in modern hospitals they measure these things very carefully #so it has become three different moments in time and which one do we chose as the moment of death? #very fun to think about #unless you are neurotypical and it's your father who just died I suppose #anyway that's kind of where I'm at now #I just wish I could say any of this out loud #instead of pretending that it was 'unexpected' #It. Was. Not. #I mean it did happen very suddenly #but come on guys #this is an elderly human being we are talking about #of course we knew that she wouldn't live for ever

[puppyeared]

18 and 24 for the ask game :]!!

18: do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens?

24: what's one thing you're proud of yourself for?

#although growing up i did hear a lot of ghost stories my parents would tell me. stuff like unplugged fans suddenly turning on and #other phenomena they cant explain!! i think my dads family has smth where they light a candle and if it boils when someone passes thru #the doorway it means theyre a demon.. theyre from the philippines so superstition and belief in the paranormal is very strong #as for running on all fours i couldprobably still do it now but im too embarassed to try lol #but im very proud of how fast i could run. unsurprisingly i had a wolf girl phase when this happened so that explains a lot #ask #ask game #answered #doodles #yapping

[oreegaanoo]

Once again I am fueled by comments from my thesis supervisor and feel like I can actually do this thing hell YEAAAAHHHH

I CAN WRITE THIS THING!!! I CAN DO IT!!!!! AAAAAAAHHHH

#imagine a drawing of me going all feral that's me rn #I get so hyped every time I meet him even though all his comments are like “this is okay” and “what did you mean by this”-- #then followed up by discussions and improvement suggestions and I get so excited about writing it all suddenly #like!!! what is this!!!! #it's probably because I get to actually talk about my thesis and in detail with someone who understands it? probably? #most likely now that I think about it. I don't have a lot of friends who study the same thing so I can't talk about these things in depth #(but I'm also very happy to have those friends who don't understand but listen to my ramblings about it <3 ) #p #and also also like. I am about 45 pages into this thing. I am so far. I have wanted to just drop it for the past month or so but!! I'm so-- #--far!!! holy shit!!! that's amazing my guy!!! you're doing well!! just need the clean up and some clearer explanations and that's it #it's not going to be two more years of this it's going te 6 months MAX #most likely 4 months of work with 1-2 months after for the grading and checking process when i don't have to do shit #I only have this thesis; one essay that is 75% done; and one spanish course I'm taking end I'm done!!!! I will cry when that happens!!

[krbkss]

mha 395

has anyone brought this up yet </3

#toga and the league are the dearest thing to me and i hate how it’s just words now #love togachako but also fuck all that shit ! she couldn’t live the way she wanted so she decided to have control on her death at least #dying the way she wanted. do you have any idea how dark and fucked up that. sacrificing herself for the only person who ever accepted her #because the world never did. i wanted so much better for her #except for the league who accepted her ofc but as i said they suddenly matter very little ? :/ #like she was supposed to live for herself and for jin not do the same exact thing he did #i hope this isn’t the end but i also hope h*wks isn’t involved in giving her his blood n shit #they need to talk it’s about fckn time actually but he needs to stay 20 ft away from her #he can learn from his hero enji and from ochako NOT sacrifice himself or give blood and call it day. live and learn and atone and practice #self reflection for once #and toga’s FRIENDS can give her their blood. oh that would mean so much for her !! #anyways yeah i’m pointing and laughing at whoever yelled at people who understandably took what the last ch was building up to with a grain #of salt. see what happens? i thought we all knew by now that lesbians can’t have shit #but yeaaaa i want toga and the league friendship. please don’t let this be it i can’t believe mhui is the only thing feeding me rn #league of villains #my post #mha leaks #mha spoilers

[itwoodbeprefect]

i don't have a point here except ???, but i realized today that starsky & hutch episode the psychic a) was written by micheal mann of (among many other things) classic crime thriller heat fame, and b) contains a baffling amount of (references to) crossdressing. it's one of the two episodes that opens with starsky and hutch chasing a guy in a dress (which gives us the "well i don't know, you('d) look rather nice in basic black and pearls" starsky-to-hutch line), later on they interrupt a robbery being committed by ANOTHER guy in a dress (and grey wig, posing as an old lady - presumably with the intent to disguise his identity rather than express some part of it, but who knows), and THEN they meet a hot lady mechanic who among many fast lines says to starsky "i'm really a basketball player in drag. whatever turns you on, honey" (interestingly timely, considering starsky's earlier comment about hutch). and finally, not entirely related but also not unrelated, there's these people at a laundromat hutch hits up on his mad phone chase at the end of the episode:

so yeah. ???.

#haven't revisited this episode in a long time (if ever?) because maybe-THIS-psychic-is-REAL plots... are not among my favorite #(due south has an episode very similar to this and i'm blaming starsky and hutch for it. c'mon guys.) #but!! everything else about this episode is FUN actually!! slightly wacky lots of great s&h interaction and oooh that chase at the end #but i just. what's with this one thing. is this an attempt to be clever with a theme? as in. deception maybe. or you don't know what's real #or a kinder interpretation: there are things you may not understand in this world but that doesn't mean they're not true for someone else? #or is it meant as a recurring joke? is it literally pure coincidence? #did michael mann even write that first scene or did it come from the other episode that uses it and just got tacked on here #which suddenly makes this episode seem like it's Doing something when it wasn't supposed to #i have! many questions! among which is. why the hell was starsky in such a bad mood. what happened #... are you telling me he's psychic too and he had a deep dark feeling hutch was going to almost die later on? #i feel like i need to make a psych reference here but i haven't watched enough of the show to be clever about it. 🍍 i guess #* #starsky and hutch

[elibean]

I’m on a huge losing streak in spoon 😔 sad….

#text post #on ranked i mean #i feel like im gonna go down when the new season comes in bc im in the negatives rn and it aint getting better lol #idk what happened #did i just suddenly start sucking? #i’m consistently getting gold medals though #my kill count isn’t very high but it’s never been #but there’s no way it’s just shitty teammates either….. #aaa

[barbieaiden]

today i dreamt that my i found my hamster now, a year later, and that she was somehow still alive and absolutely thriving on her own

#she'd bitten a hole in her enclosure to get food #she'd be three years old at this point i have a hard time imagining her #being very energetic lmao #i've been thinking about getting a new hamster but #them having such short lifespans was way harder to deal with than i thought #like she reached like 1 and 1.5 and all i could think about was that she could die at any moment #she didn't die unexpectedly though which like. doesn't sound good lmao but #my siblings' two hamsters died very suddenly of illnesses and they both died at the vet #but my hamster probably just kind of died of old age tbh #she was 2 years old and she'd been visibly aging #i don't think she was suffering too much the weeks before though she was just less mobile #i literally hate how people joke about hamsters never dying in normal ways because like. #we've had three hamsters and they've died of illness. and of age #because we actually TOOK CARE OF THEM #i refuse to believe that even half of the hamsters that have died under abnormal circumstances #didn't die because the human taking care of them did so pretty poorly #i mean hamsters are really fragile escape artists so i get that #sometimes things just happen right but............

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#there should be a word for when youre talking around the tightness of tears #speaking against something that hurts #laughing specifically to undermine the seriousness of the statements youre voicing #the worst of both worlds. help me help me hahaha im not even joking hahaha but listen to the lies in my tone. dont focus on the words. #i want plausible deniability. but also i want u to understand my pain and give it a voice. speak it into existence because i cant say it #but if u do i might cry. that sounds hard that sounds like a lot. i kno i know. shut up. keep talking. do u think i dont feel it? i do #but if i split myself in two i can watch myself and suddenly it becomes funny. im not sure why. but i have a bad habbit of laughting at #inappropriate moments. because if its not funny then its just sad and what am i supposed to do with that? #i dunno. thats all to say my dad called bc i was looking at housing stuff and i was explaining some of the stuff im doing rn #and thats hard to talk abt without crying bc ive always been a cry bby but i didnt. and i love my parents theyre great #but they dont understand bc i havent told them all of it bc theres nothing they can do so y make them worry. and idk i also think they #think im less competent than i am. and part of that is just bc im their kid. part of that is bc there r things thst most ppl can do but i #struggle with. but its also not fun to hear: oh yeah i was surprised by how professional u sounded. or i think ur mom found u those #connections. when no. i did that. i made those things happen. i promise i can do things sometimes. but sometimes i cant. i dunno its just #it is what it is. whatever. decisions to b made. do i room with roommates for lower rent #or do i take an expensive place for a year for a single room? i dont want roommates but ill take them #i mean all the single places r like 950 at the very lowest without any utilities or anything but most r well over 1000 and like on a grad #student salary? i think not. not without losing money on net. i can deal with roommates. i have in the past. i wont b able to relax ever #but its fine. ya kno #just annoying. hah my dads sage advice was ah dont let it overwhelm u. go exercise. bc hes an endurance runner guy #and im like bro when i get home i have 1.5 hrs of daylight. but alas hes right. i do gotta run out my angers and its not enough #ugh. one more week. itll work out. and eventually ill walk into a counselors office like bro i just want u to tell me whether or not i have #0cd bc whatever the fuck it is that makes me do these things is absolutely destroying me. name the beast 0cd or 0cpd. tell me what box #i fit into. not that it matters but i feel like i cant complain until someone else rubber stamps me. actually then ill probably just obsess #abt how. actually. theyre wrong. ay fun times #i gotta shake shake shake my sillies out. and wiggle my waggles away. bc i never could let my kids songs go haha #unrelated

[thethingything]

a fun fact about us is that sometimes we will be having a bad time and our brain, in all its wisdom, will go "I know just what you need to help you cope with this: a guy who is having a worse time" and then it'll just make one and we have to figure out how to help the new guy with his wild source trauma which is probably meant to happen instead of dealing with the real life stuff that's going on but instead just kind of piles on top of it

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #vent post #I think it probably does help with processing stuff #but it's always like ''why is the source memory worse than the thing it's trying to mask though?'' #also the new guy who's having a worse time is co-fronting so we're just having a weird time together #it's nice co-fronting with him though. we're dealing with pretty much the same emotions #but for him it's over source memories and for me it's over real life stuff #and he keeps saying things that make me feel very understood #anyway for a coping mechanism DID sure does give you a lot of extra stuff to cope with #we have several things going on and it means we're dissociating a lot and our amnesia has been ridiculously bad #so I can tell I got really upset and I technically know what I was upset over because it's the same few things that are going on #but if I try to actually think ''oh it must have been [thing]'' and acknowledge what the thing is that's upsetting me #there's a good chance I'll suddenly find myself very confused and disoriented 30 seconds later with no idea what just happened

[stinkybrowndogs]

Having bad bad day :( share something that makes u happy? Let me borrow the happy for a bit

#show me some good dog pics? maybe? #so like. i fucked up and ghosted my therapist #didnt mean to but it did happen #i cancled an appt then suddenly i hadnt called back for months #oops #went crawling back bc work is in the shitter rn #hoping she will work me in this week #bc boy howdy i am in a Situation #its not my fault and i dont think i did anything wrong #but. the guilt is killing me i feel like i fucked up real real bad #and now work is gonna be BAD for a bit #tomorrow especially #and also i am having health issues? something is def wrong w me #so dr appt tomorrow and another later this week #its gotten to the point where im getting a little scared? like.... im only 25 #and i am very poor #im not hurting for $$ atm im ok rn #its just work and health and all of it all at once #stress feedback loop #ANYWAY just dumping this here bc i needed to vent to the void for a bit #gonna draw some self indulgent art and make brownies about it #actually clara is making the brownies i love u queen

[slashpaws]

FAKE CLONE DUCK KILLED OG DUCK IN EPISODE 2 OH GOD??

#dhmis spoilers #okay description of gore and gross stuff incoming so stop reading now if you're sensitive to that IFNTNDNRKA #anyway the dead body on the ground after he's been killed has maggots in the blood #only og duck would have the maggots from earlier in the episode #plus fake duck was on the left and that's the one that did the killing JFNFMSDNWK #SO UM. RIP DUCK I GUESS. #imposter imposter sus venting sus imposter #ALSO?? wouldn't stain have turned back to its original pink blob self when it was killed?? #sorry im rewatching all the episodes for the third time and that suddenly stood out to me IFNSKAMSAKDMA #RIP MY GUY </3 #i mean probably not plot significant JDNFSJRNAMDSB shit like this just Happens but it is interesting. #if it does come up again i'd be very surprised KFMSKSDMSKDMSM #since it's a timeloop everything probably just reset at the beginning of the next day JDNSKEMSKS #talking.txt

[musashi]

.

#feeling so very garbage about myself on this fine day #or rather not me but just. frustrated with my inability to make anyone happy even when im really really really trying #i dont THINK my socials have been dead but maybe they have and i just havent noticed #because i am feeling so incredibly lonely and drained #and honestly just. unloved and unappreciated #i think its probably autistic loneliness because ta/aam act 2 released #which means im back to infodumping in all my servers hoping someone will want to talk about it with me #but knowing its always going to be my most niche special interest and no one is ever going to want to listen to what i have to say abt it #so thats an added loneliness #and then just the heartbreak of #gaining a couple new friends and feeling like we were hitting shit off #only for things to suddenly feel. wrong and bad #plus just a lot of resentment still from the 22nd #my pain over how that whole day played out hasn't gotten any better. i still dont understand what happened. #i feel like every time i open my mouth everyone is laughing at me #i really just need special love and attention right now because i have felt for days like everyone hates me #im trying to be logical and figure out like #if there are holidays im missing or reasons for people to maybe not be around/attentive #but i cant come up with anything #so im trying to figure out what /i/ did #but i don't feel like anything about me has changed besides me being kind of a wreck on the 22nd #and i dont know what to do i just need love an attention so much #and i dont know!!!! where to get it!!!! #reaching out isnt working!!!!!!

[number-1-crush]

i am so attracted to her it is insane

#a mutual friend said she saw her reading a wlw love story book so ‘i had a chance’ #which like. i mean i read her backpack pins very easily but the confirmation is nice #but just GODDD she’s so pretty and kind to her friends #was getting tired in animation today (sleeby) n the teacher’s chill so i put my head down for a bit #and i heard her a couple seats down talking with her friend #and her voice is just so so pretty. she’s soft-spoken but confident and her voice is very gentle overall #and i literally just like. oh my GODDDDD #i didn’t do anything weird or anything i couldn’t even hear what exactly she was saying #but i just sat there like. ‘pretty voice’ and was content #i’m starting to worry that i misread things though. solid chance it’s just the GAD + period speaking but. :s #maybe i’m looking for an excuse to not give her that note. i should just write it and give it to her say fuck it #mkay. i’ll write it over the weekend ig #and then sometime next week i will give it to her #maybe in the hallway. we pass each other now #i got jumpscared so hard the first time it happened. like visibly startled #thankfully if she did see me she hid it well #i gotta show interest better. gotta do the note thing #….shit did i get jealous of her friend is that why i’m suddenly worried abt a lack of interest #funniest part is i get a gay vibe from that dude #ah yeah i totally got jealous huh. i got nervous bc she laughed at some joke he made #and i thought ‘what if she laughs like that around people she likes’ #shit. menstrual cycles cloud judgement so goddamn bad it’s irritating #worst part is i know it’s probably overthinking like my friends regularly leave me in stitches #but :( what if i’m not being paranoid :( #<- is 100% being paranoid #ok. gonna find a way to give her the note. gonna do that . yes

[eisthenameofme]

The piano. It is approaching.

#by which i mean its supposed to arrive a day early. a day early being tomorrow. #which is fortunate in that now that ive made the somewhat questionable financial decision of purchasing a piano #im suddenly very impatient to get my hands on said piano. #and i know ill probably want to learn more about actual technical details and music theory and refresh my sight reading at some point #but i also fully expect that when i first get it ill just be powering through songs a little bit at a time until i can play them decently #because i am physically incapable of starting developing new skills from the beginning #i have to just. start at whatever I'm interested in or it wont happen. so. #mypost #i am. so bad at being interested in things without being completely obsessed with them. #but its a digital piano that can connect to headphones so at least i dont have to worey about pissing off neighbors in the dead of night #*worry #no thoughts only piano #i really did not realize how much i desperately wanted to play a fucking instrument apparently #in related news the piano subreddit is very helpful

[floral-hex]

god, I just want a sweaty body on top of me so bad

#I’m all ‘I don’t really have a sex drive these days’ #then I go to the gym and see a cutie working out and suddenly I’m hit with THE BIG LONGING #this is a very specific need #I just want to make out and squish a soft sweaty body against mine #i want to push my gross worn out body against someone else’s gross worn out body #thinking about… you know when skin gets sweaty it gets kinda cold? thinking about running my hands under a shirt & feeling wet tummy & back #this is stupid #i feel like I need to state that I don’t creep on strangers at the gym #I keep my eyes zoned out in the middle distance and listen to music #but I mean you know how it goes you happen to glance at someone then look away but your imagination just kinda wanders #and you realize that hey yeah… I’m kindaaaaa uhhhhhh kinda big big lonely #and there was someone at the gym that unfortunately checked a loooot of boxes for me 😓 #but I did my best to ignore them and focus on myself #as if it’s some herculean test of will to NOT be a weirdo in public #but it’s whatever whatever it’s whatever ok it’s whatever #this isn’t important #you can ignore this #blegh blegh blegh #text

[cinnabeat]

i love reading media all at once and going yeah that makes sense and then seeing people talk about it extensively and realizing i didnt retain shit

#its so funny to me bc i have a bad havit of like binging things without like. actuall retaining anything or even analyzing it #when i consume something for the first time especially if im binging im very reactive and dont think too hard about things #also cuz most of the time i honestly dont trust shit of anything that im being told #like so many times its like oh turns out this character is lying or it did happen but i dont have the full context #so i never really take things at full face value anymore #fucking jack vesallius comes to mind lmao #so usually it takes me a second read through after im aware of all the plotpoints or at least what has been released so far #and then i can like calmly look at shit with like full knowledge of these characters personalities and i can analyze the themes and symblism #and shit like that #which is terrible for me bc i hate reading things again unless im either really into it or its been so long and i suddenly remember it exist #especially if something is super long like omg 😭 #i guess thats why i kinda look thru tv tropes cuz its like doing ur homework right after class? like the mnowledge is in ur head and then u #use it immediately after to retain it better #ill be reading the tv tropes like 'that is absolutely not what thag meant' or 'your opinion is wrong bc so and so' #i mean im ranting in my head but you know #i conpletely forgkt where i was going with this oops <3 #michi tag