#we know EXACTLY under what circumstances Jonathan would not avoid the pit of hell for | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

luanna801 · 2 years

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Live Renfield Reaction - 5/25

(Note: I owe the idea for these posts to @animate-mush twice over. First of all because the whole idea came from their suggestion that Renfield knows about the details of Jack’s life because he’s overheard Jack recording his diary, which made me immediately want to write out how he might have reacted in real time. And secondly because of course because the concept is borrowed from their brilliant Live Mina Reactions to Jonathan’s journal.

Be warned, my Renfield is a lot less apt to make heart-eyes at his subject, and a lot more inclined to be sarcastic and introspective by turns. Language is blatantly anachronistic in places because we’re going for the ~vibe~ of what Renfield would have been thinking and not necessarily the exact words he would have used, and also I’ve made the executive decision that Renfield should be allowed to say “fuck”.)

Ebb tide in appetite to-day. Cannot eat, cannot rest, so diary instead.

Oof. Tough day there, doc?

I might be more sympathetic if you hadn't decided to make it everyone else's problem.

Since my rebuff of yesterday I have a sort of empty feeling; nothing in the world seems of sufficient importance to be worth the doing....

Ahhh, I see. Got rejected? So the enchanting Miss Lucy wasn't won by the prospect of a man with an immense lunatic asylum. I guess that means she won't be joining us here anytime soon.

How strange to sit in a place like this and listen to him sigh over girl trouble. It's at times like this I remember we're all under the care of a man young enough to be my son. That part of my life seems so endlessly long ago.

As I knew that the only cure for this sort of thing was work, I went down amongst the patients. I picked out one who has afforded me a study of much interest.

Is he talking about me???

I'd prefer not to be talked about like a trinket you picked out at a flea market, if so.

He is so quaint-

QUAINT??? QUAINT?????

-that I am determined to understand him as well as I can.

HA. Good luck with that.

To-day I seemed to get nearer than ever before to the heart of his mystery.

Did you? Or did you just ask me an endless barrage of questions designed to show off how smart you are?

I questioned him more fully than I had ever done, with a view to making myself master of the facts of his hallucination.

Kid, I don't even think I'm master of the facts of my hallucination.

In my manner of doing it there was, I now see, something of cruelty.

GLAD TO KNOW YOU NOTICED IT TOO

I seemed to wish to keep him to the point of his madness—a thing which I avoid with the patients as I would the mouth of hell.

How thoughtful. Why do I get to be your oh-so-special exception, exactly?

(Mem., under what circumstances would I not avoid the pit of hell?)

Do you know, I've asked myself that question too?

Omnia Romæ venalia sunt. Hell has its price! verb. sap.

Ooh, nice Latin! Slightly misquoted, but I can't say I disagree. We do all have our price.

And if it's pretentious Latin quotes you want, I can play that game too: Flectere si nequeo superos, Acheronta movebo.*

[*A quote from Virgil's Aeneid, loosely translated as "If I cannot move heaven, I will raise hell."]

If there be anything behind this instinct it will be valuable to trace it afterwards accurately, so I had better commence to do so, therefore—

R. M. Renfield, ætat 59.—

Ohhhhh, this should be INTERESTING.

Sanguine temperament;

Yeah, fair enough.

great physical strength;

Yes. 😉

morbidly excitable;

Also true.

periods of gloom, ending in some fixed idea which I cannot make out.

So much for getting ~nearer to the heart of my mystery~.

I presume that the sanguine temperament itself and the disturbing influence end in a mentally-accomplished finish;

Genuinely, I have no idea what the fuck you just said.

a possibly dangerous man,

😈

probably dangerous if unselfish. In selfish men caution is as secure an armour for their foes as for themselves.

That's a very interesting idea!

I guess I'm honest enough to admit I'm selfish more often than not. If I did consume the life around me and add it to my own, would that be the ultimate selfishness? Or is it justified for the greater cause?

Maybe the true selfishness is that I don't really care. I only know that I must do it; nothing else matters.

Then again, maybe all you can do is look to your own interests, when you're shut away from the world. Amuse yourself as best you can, and survive another day.

Which category would the good doctor put himself in, I wonder? Selflessly laboring on behalf of us poor lunatics? Or selfishly using us for your own prestige?

And is the one more dangerous than the other? What might he do in the name of "helping"?

How dangerous is your unselfishness, Doctor Seward?

What I think of on this point is, when self is the fixed point the centripetal force is balanced with the centrifugal; when duty, a cause, etc., is the fixed point, the latter force is paramount, and only accident or a series of accidents can balance it.

Do you listen to yourself when you talk???

#dracula #dracula daily #r.m. renfield #rm renfield #jack seward #live renfield reaction #bram stoker #books #literature #yes I DID do actual research to find a fitting Latin quote for him to use #this is a Very Serious writing project and I must treat it with the appropriate level of commitment

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