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fenheart87 · 4 years

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Goats Gone Wild

The rehearsals went perfectly, despite everyone saying that it might fall apart and completely spiral out of control and that would to be expected as it was rehearsal and gave them time to fix it. The flower arrangements were gorgeous, Jagged cried when he saw his official wedding suit and Penny had successfully been conned into taking an actual spa day to relax and have a great time with the ladies in her wedding party.

Tom and Sabine were of course on cake duty in providing other food and refreshments for the big day. With them in charge no one was concerned that the seasoned caterers would have any trouble. The tables and chairs were tastefully decorated and with just enough 'rock n' roll' vibe for Jagged to not complain too much because Jagged always be Jagged.

Of course, for the power duo of the music world, fate may have approved for them to meet, fall in love and live long enough to plan the wedding but it didn't have to be nice all the time. A small mishap and the power was out most of the night, delaying everything from food to simply getting ready for most of the practical preparations.

Marinette was running on no sleep, no faith and after the power outage, no coffee. Everyone had their wedding clothes and the weather predicting rain at some point made it seem like a tiny accomplishment. Those who had cars to drive would be fine and most could take extra passengers but it would take some people two trips. She had spoken to her Maman and Papa already, they had put the cake in the deep freeze plus had a gas/solar powered generator to offer a space for others in the wedding party.

She still had no idea who would be escorting her down the aisle to fulfill her Maiden of Honor duty, there wasn't time to meet him now because they were sorely behind schedule. Pushing the thought to the side, Marinette slipped into a chic dress but not the one for the ceremony. That was safely at the venue they had booked just in case they needed a place to relocate. Sending up a quick prayer and a threat that this would be a memorable day, Marinette grabbed her clutch and left her apartment.

Marinette could distantly hear her phone ringing even though it was right besides her. She had yet to exit the safety of her car as she watched the chaos unfold. There was a small zoo of animals running around and Jagged was riding a llama, Fang happily scaring the poor creature. Nimbly she picked up her still ringing phone and answered it.

"H-hello?"

"Is this Marinette?"

"Yes I'm Ma-ma-Marinette… Who are you?"

"Ah I'm Luka the best man, Jagged and Penny paired us to walk down the aisle together. Things are uh pretty chaotic and I haven't seen you yet so just making sure you're not the one getting cold feet."

"No, I uh just pulled up. Where did the petting zoo come from?"

"Jagged's idea."

"You know, sometimes I forget he's technically a Couffaine then he pulls shit like this. Where is Anarka when I need the courage to slam his famous and insured face?" Her neck gave up trying to support her head and she let it flop forward to blare her horn, startling the llama and delighting Jagged as he fought to stay seated.

"I'll come to you." Luka's voice was actually soothing and calmed Marinette's nerves enough to move her head to the steering wheel. Distant sounds of goats screaming at each other and the loudness that was Jagged seeped into her quiet space within the car. A light knock on the window drew her from her quiet place within her mind, and Marinette emerged from her car instead of just rolling down the window.

Luka was tall and slender, ocean blue eyes matched the tips of his hair and would match the color of her dress for the ceremony perfectly. He radiated a soft aura that drew her into staring for longer than appropriate.

"Well hello there fair Maiden of Honor."

"Ah yes hello mysterious Best Man. Would you happen to know how bad things are?" The designer bravely faced the stream of messages on her phone, some only minutes old and others hours old. Asking for an update methodically from everyone individually, she let Luka guide her into the venue.

"Jagged is currently trying to convince Penny to keep a llama or a goat from the petting zoo, half of the guests are either not coming at all or left because of the chaos you see around you. The wedding party is here and just enough people to provide witnesses and news coverage. One of the photographers had to back out and the fill in is allergic to the flowers, his only allergy actually, nice guy otherwise. The goats have eaten some of the décor and their fearless mountain climbing leader took off with the ring pillow."

"Where the rings are sewed on… So at this point, the cake is the only thing safe. I can work with that, first let's find Penny because I'm sure her blood pressure is through the roof, next we need to remove the flowers that are a problem, if Ivan is here then he has the fake bouquets in his van and we can put those inside and have the photographer that's not allergic take the pictures outside. Jagged will be Jagged but when it's time he will behave and only have eyes for Penny so let him do his thing. We need to find the rings so get as many people looking for them as we can. Once I check on Penny I'll figure out the rest, I'm getting updates and rearranging as we speak."

"You know, this is kind of weird for me…" Sky blue eyes met ocean and time suspended again for a moment, "I know Jagged considers you like his unofficial niece so it makes it weird that you are absolutely beautiful and I feel like he might try to kill me for just being around you."

"N-no it's fine! I mean he chose after all, if he has a problem I'll take a page from the captain's book!" A blush graced her pale cheeks, accenting the light blush she had applied earlier. "Now go be a Best Man and make sure the groom doesn't sign his life away and marry a llama instead."

"Aye aye fair maiden." Luka winked and parted ways, leaving Marinette’s heart racing more than it was before.

"Stupid pretty boy with their stupid smiles… Penny, are you in here?" Marinette knocked on the door, waiting until it opened.

"Hey Mari, I knew what would happen when I said yes to Jagged but please no more animals."

"Don't worry, no more animals. The cake is fine but I need to find your rings which I guess a goat ran off with?"

"Yeah, Jagged wanted to get a picture and the goat took advantage." Penny laughed and resumed her seat where Jean-Luc was already fixing her make-up.

"So this is going to be Plan P?" Marinette teased, taking a moment to change into the other dress.

"You bet! Once the circus is over here we will all meet up at your parents bakery for cake and food." Penny winked carefully, causing the younger woman to giggle.

"Let me go find those rings." Throwing on some flats, Marinette left the room with a wave and headed outside. If the goat was a mountain goat then he was probably hidden with the trees. Hiking up her skirt and trekking through the mud that was somehow everywhere and followed the distant sounds of child-like screaming.

There stood the goat, calming chewing on the ring pillow and staring at her with it's judgmental eyes.

"Okay, you give that back right now."

"MAAAAAA!!!" It bleated loudly before resuming its speedy chewing

"Don't make me do this…" The designer tried to get closer and the goat kept retreating with every step. "Oh come on! You know, what fine!"

"MAAAAAA!!" It screamed again and she took the chance to lunge and tackled the goat into the mud. Trying to get a solid grip on the ring piow was difficult as the goat kept trying to kick here or just rip the pillow in two, she wouldn't mind that much, after all it's the rings she was after.

"Just give me the rings and you can keep the stupid pillow you ugly stupid goat!" Marinette grunted as it became a test of tug of war, the sound of fabric ripping made her panic and kick the goat. It worked to get the goat to let go but it charged her and screamed in her face. The sound covered up the approach of the two men.

"Uh Marinette, why are you wrestling with a goat?"

"Oh you know, thought I would try my hand at it, have you seen these guns from gator chasing," She flexed one arm a couple times, "or how about these legs?" Hiking her skirt up wasn't her best idea ever but it was so worth the blush and cute word vomit from her wedding date.

"I uh well, yeah. I mean- you look hot as IN YOU'LL NEED TO COOL OFF BEFORE THE WEDDING!" Luka groaned and covered his eyes in shame.

"Oi mate, are you ogling my goat?" Dingo slapped his back, nearly causing the musician to topple into the mud with Marinette and the goat who resumed chewing on the ring pillow it had stolen, the rings recovered sneakily.

"Okay, the arch can burn for all I care and maybe fry up some bacon if we're lucky." She accepted Luka's help to get up and onto a less muddy patch of grass. The trio made their way back, Dingo as she learned, was fond of Napoleon and argued the entire way back.

"I'll 'ave you know that pigs are some the best pets!"

"No way, Hamster all the way! You can't even own one in the city unless it's a teacup pig and why would you even want one?"

"Oi! All pigs are cool, you can't just love one kind because that's not true devotion!"

"Will you two stop-" Luka froze as the smell of smoke wafted closer and squinted thoughtfully. Was that, yup the arch was burning.

"Great, Plan P is fully in action now!" The maiden of honor groaned, slapping her hands over her mud smeared face.

"Oh god no! Please spare Napoleon! No bacon at this wedding!" Dingo sprinted across the field to where the pigs were kept.

"Well let's find the bride and groom and get the hell outta here." Luka proposed, calmly walking the rest of the way with Marinette keeping pace. There was a firefighter giving directions to everyone to stand far away from the building and the burning arch.

"Well this is not what I expected…" A tall blond muttered to himself, standing apart from the rest of the group.

"Well it is a Couffaine wedding, they are chaos magnets." Marinette joked, attempting to rid herself and dress of the half dried dirt clods.

"Well Jagged has always been… Unique. Good to see you again Marinette."

"I resent that, Jagged is the dumpster fire and Penny is the best and craziest person on earth since she somehow agreed to marry that mess."

"Uh, who are you?"

"Me? Wait, Marinette don't tell me you're mad at me again!"

"Luka what on earth-"

"This is why I told Pa it was better if we didn't show up to his wedding, your anger issues. First you nearly gave poor Nona a scare when you wanted to eat Napoleon, then set the arch on fire and lastly took off after Samuel, a poor defenseless goat."

"Uh how do you know each other?"

"Oh this again?! Lemme tell you, this little spitfire is my wife and she's been pissed at me ever since our arranged marriage was official on paper."

"Luka! That's enough!" The mud on her face hid the blush but the tips of her ears were it began to flake glowed red.

"Baby, you know we're supposed to talk when you're angry with me, that was the agreement."

"Shove it up your ass!"

The wail of sirens startled the three adults but what nearly knocked them over was a blur of neon green, screaming at the top of his lungs.

"HELP ME MATE, I CAN'T GO BACK! IT'S NOT SAFE!!"

The station was filled with a workflow hum as the entire wedding party and a few guests waited in the cell block for someone to explain why everyone had been arrested and brought in. Marinette had made use of the sink and cleared off as much dirt from her being as she could. Penny was steadily ignoring Jagged who at this point had been pleading with her and trying to get a straight answer if they would still be tying the knot or not.

"Couffaine! You're next!" The Sargent growled, shuffling paperwork around. Roger was slowly trying to inch away to not be caught in the crossfire and pulling the rookie away with him.

"Uh which one sir?"

"What do you mean which one?! Just Couffaine!" The Sargent snapped, taking a deep pull of his coffee. When he looked up to see a group of people his face went stone blank.

"Okay so uh, maybe start with the charges and we can help decipher the correct Couffaine?" The petite Chinese woman bite her lip in nerves, echoed by the blond dressed in a matching pink dress. Glancing around he saw a slender woman holding the hand of said blonde in pink, also in a nice party dress. A man with purple hair to match, oh Jagged Stone, was dressed in a suit with a spin. Another woman with purple hair standing next to him and dressed in the more elaborate gown. He easily recognized Anarka by her grey hair and fierce glare, even if she was cleaned up nicely. To the left of the only one brave enough to speak was a young man, a flower in his lapel matching the one on her dress but with light blue tipped hair. Behind him was a kid with a mohawk that nearly grazed the ceiling and a slender brunette who was trying to keep from bouncing around the cell.

"Sorry Sargent…?" The woman tried again, offering a hesitant smile.

"Sargent Le Grand and you are who?"

"Marinette Dupain-Cheng uh Couffaine." He blinked twice and looked back through the paperwork.

"Why the hell did no one even specify male or female for the perp?! Or a first name, even an initial would be helpful!"

"Sorry Sarge, I uh just -"

"Forget it rookie, there are a pile of complaints and I can't read them aloud so why don't you tell me what you're in trouble for and I'll find the ticket?"

"Uh that's just it sir… We were all rounded up at the wedding and brought here with no explanation."

"I do not get paid enough for this." He downed the remaining coffee and left the desk, making his way into his office.

"Oi where are you goin'?! You can't keep us cage like a bunch of goats!" The mohawk kid finally escaped the brunette and rattled the jail bars.

"Someone figure out these charges and get them out of my cell!" Sargent le Grand promptly got up and went into his office, slamming the office door shut.

“Roger, why donna ya be a good boy and let me and me crew out of here? You know we have the Boat Fund for when you’re hoititty rules and our love of chaos clash.”

“Anarka, I really do have to charge the tickets before we can discuss payment. uh, “ Roger glanced at the Sargent’s door and saw it still closed. “Okay so we have one charge of setting public property on fire, one count of illegal animal petting zoo, “

“He said he was rock ‘n roll with her permits!”

“One count of naming your pig Napoleon, haven’t seen that in a while…”

“Oi! I can name my piggy whatever I please!”

“Two counts of animal abuse, one for feeding the goats pillows and one for what’s assumed trying to bury it alive,”

“Oh please, I had to chase it through the woods and mud because it took off with the pillow in the first place!”

“One count for act of terrorism, this one being related to flowers and serious life-threatening allergy,”

“He was a fill in, he signed the disclosure and those charges are bogus.”

“And to wrap it up, one count of illegally sailing in the city.”

“Give me Liberty or give me death!”

“I’m just going to mark all this down and charge the fund. I do apologize for having to crash your wedding Mister Stone and Miss Rolling, I do hope you have plans to finalize your commitment.” Roger opened the cell door and everyone filed out, Dingo sticking his tongue out before being smacked by three different hands.

“Oi!”

“Oi nothing fashion hazard!” Marinette snapped, moving to the front of the group. “Here’s what we’re going to do, everyone is going to quietly make their way to my parents bakery which is just a couple blocks away. While we are there, we can take turns cleaning up and then enjoy a nice meal and some delicious cake that Papa has worked so hard to make perfect for today. At this point, if someone is ordained and could marry them while at my parents house that would at least complete my to-do list.”

“I got ya mate! Let’s gooooo!” Dingo whooped and took off running while Brielle shared a look with Luka before following.

“Well definitely a memorable day wouldn’t you say Marinette?” Penny asked as she slipped her arm around the younger’s.

“I’ll say… You aren’t thinking of having spawns with him are you?”

“Hey, rock n roll is the life for me, no worries my favorite rock n roll designer!” Jagged chimed in, pausing his argument with the Captain for a moment.

“Aye, with Juleka and Luka that’s all the extra chaos he needs.”

“Uh I can explain…” Luka hunched over and raised his shoulder’s to hide somewhat.

“Wedding first then you can use the rest of the time to explain.”

#lukanette endgame #marinette dupain cheng #lovebugs and snake charmers #dingo king #jagged stone #ml au #penny rolling #chaos #sprint challenge #never trust a goat #they will always fuck shit up #cocky little shit

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carryonuptheandes · 5 years

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10 December – Chachapoyas

It was time to move on again, this time to the small city of Chachapoyas in the Amaszonas region. I had assumed that it was in jungle territory however it lies at around 2,300m, still in the Andes. I took an early morning tuk tuk for the 5am departure. The Rough Guide had informed me that it’s a stunning ride of climbing and descending mountains, much a single track road clinging to the edge of the cliffside. It also mentioned that plastic bags are handed out to passengers, since the number of twists and turns are not always appreciated by the stomachs of the locals!

It turned out to be a stunning ride and I was rewarded with decent weather for much of it. We enjoyed incredible views as the landscape and vegetation constantly changed; particularly beautiful were the cloud filled valleys below. At 7.30am we stopped at the bus company terminal in another town for breakfast, consisting of chicken broth, a bread roll and herbal tea. Then to the single carriageway road, where strangely our bus seemed to do more of the reversing into passing places as we met other vehicles, including cars. We were subjected to (but thankfully the volume was low) a movie, predictably a disaster film, this time a terrorist induced burning skyscraper and huge city fire. The constant shooting and terror didn’t exactly blend in with the view from the window!

As we climbed to the summit at 3,600m we encountered wind and rain, a road turning into a mudtrack and more evidence of mudslides or rockfalls. There were plenty of workmen in more problematic areas, clearing mud and rocks from the road, and I could understand why many routes here become impassable during the worst of the wet season, still to come. I was surprised not to see any alpaca or llama but there was plenty of cattle, pigs, sheep and chickens running around, including where we stopped at a lone hilltop restaurant for lunch. Seeing the cleanliness of the place and the owners (and not fully understanding the two dishes on offer) I stuck with my snacks!

A number of passengers were sleeping on the bus in spite of the constant horn sounding and swinging in the seat from left or right, as we negotiated each twist and turn. In spite of the roller coaster nature of the journey, I’m pleased to report no evidence of anyone needing a plastic (or paper) bag, in fact they weren’t even handed out.

We pulled into Chachapoyas nearly 12 hours later and I was more than ready to check-in to my hostal but no answer at the door! So I dumped my bags at a fire safety equipment shop opposite and head to the Plaza de Armas, got my dose of tourist info for my stay, and finally had my coffee. It turned out that the hostal owner misread my arrival time as AM rather than PM. The place wasn’t easy to find, no name by the door and not even a bell to ring. I was later to learn why...the owner hadn’t registered her business to avoid the legislation requirements for accommodation facilities and of course for tax avoidance purposes; pretty impressive for someone working in the local police force!!

By far the biggest memory I will take away from Chachapoyas is getting drenched and covered in mud! The first morning I awoke to rain (to be fair we are now at the start of the rainy season) for my tour to Kuelap, a hilltop fort at 3,000m dating from the 6th Century but developed much more between 900 and 1100. Inside the 20m high enclosure walls are the remains of around 500 circular homes and a handful of rectangular buildings including one built once the Incas had moved in. It’s incredible how much has survived to today, the buildings in different states of repair, with ongoing restoration work. The 5m high temple is in the form of an inverted cone, which was entered through a small hole in roof to access a wider chamber below, like a beer bottle.

Well, it was a truly memorable visit... Firstly the less than two years old 4km cable car is currently shut since the road serving it is closed for improvement works. So we took a dirt track to the other side of the fortress, from where we had to walk the last few kilometres. I had actually been keen to do a hike however the track was like a mudbath in places. In spite of being told that trainers would be fine I was very fortunate to have taken the decision to wear my hiking boots! Most others were however in trainers and it wasn’t long, after getting muddy wet feet and slipping and sliding all over the place, before they took advantage of the horseback service! I was determined to get in some hiking so continued on foot, bumping into another tour leader who invited me to join his group on the steeper but quicker short cut. I waited by the fort entrance for over an hour for the rest of my group to arrive, while other groups entered. We were lucky for the rain to ease off while exploring the site, but after sliding down a muddy path to our lunch spot, the heavy showers soon returned. Except for me, all opted for a return on horseback; I returned with the tour guide via the steep shorter path, sliding much of they way back down, aided by branches and other vegetation to cling to, and the guide’s hand to use as a brake. Amazingly I only ended up (front first) in the mud once!

The following day I visited the Catarata Gocta, with a drop of 771m, the third longest waterfall in the world, 200m shorter than Angel Falls in Venezuela. With the forecast of sunny spells (20% probability of rain) and waking up to a dry start, I was fairly optimistic about keeping dry. Little did I know what was to come! Other than leaving four hours later than the tourist office’s suggested hour of 6.30am, I got off to a good start, meeting a fellow Brit and a French lass as we boarded the minibus, with whom I shared a tuktuk up a windy 5km dirt track to San Pablo. After signing in, paying the entrance fee and providing our fingerprints, we set off among pretty colourful homes, lush tropical vegetation, and colourful flowers and butterflies. I was soon wondering if I should apply suncream but decided to hold off.

A light shower welcomed us to the viewpoint of the upper tier (215m) of the falls, from where we were wowed by the scale and power of the fall, and soaked by the spray. At this point I realised that my that my desire to take a swim may have been a tad optimistic, with no sign of any relatively calm pools. We then took a steep path down towards the lower section of the fall (much longer at over 500m), during which the rain got heavier and heavier, and I kept alternating between steamed up wet specs and no specs at all, neither ideal for the low light and slippery nature of the path. We eventually got to the river below, saturated to the skin (in spite of the waterproofs), and (partly since it was getting late) had no appetite for a diversion to the viewport of the lower fall. This turned out to be a very wise decision since the remaining couple of hours was mainly uphill, rather than our expected downstream descent. We were struggling a little by the end of it so we’re very happy to arrive in Cocachimba, grab an Inka Cola and snack, and find a direct minibus to Chachapoyas about to leave, so no tuktuk descent and hanging around on the main road to flag down a bus.

The rest of my time in Chachapoyas was spent keeping dry and warm with local coffee; often walking on the road (to the dismay of some drivers) to avoid negotiating the ridiculously uncomfortable stepped pavements that lined the steep streets; attempting to take photos of the two pretty main squares (both sealed off for improvement works to be (nearly) completed in time for the recent local elections), and meeting some local guys but without much of a flowing conversation.

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talesofayoungadventress · 6 years

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Cusco: Am I fat or is it just the altitude? I honestly ask myself this at least five times a day as I walk up any slight incline here in Cusco. I mean it can’t be me right? RIGHT!? I go to the gym even when I don’t want to! Sadly I think it’s a little bit of both. Ya girl is un poco gorda and 11,151 feet above sea level is just too damn high to breath. After a canceled flight and 20 minute layovers, we arrived in Lima to stay at a friends hostel. I was tired as hell but you best better believe I perked up when the hostel owner, whose Dutch, started talking about visiting Dutch inmates in Peruvian jails. “How’s good old Joran?” Shirles asked. “Oh bad. He’s in the worst jail waaay up in the mountains. They are making life miserable for him. He’s beaten all the time” said Toon (yes his actual name). Now who the f*ck is Joran!? I thought. I had to ask and I swear I couldn’t believe it! Joran KILLED NATALIE HALLOWAY! What the actual hell! He’s only in Peru because he killed another woman here and her family is very high profile. They make crap happen so you just KNOW his ass is rotting away forever in the Andes. Sorry not sorry Joran I hope you’re smacked around daily. Of course I’m nosey as hell, so I asked a million questions. I swear it’s like I had turned into Anderson Cooper interviewing Stormy Daniels with all the questions I was throwing his way. Sadly no good gossip was given so my detective/interview skills were wasted. Anderson would have been proud though. The next day we left for Lima and flew into Cusco where we met Walter. Bless him. If you don’t know about him and really want to, go look and read a few posts back in Cuba. Sorry Meeks, no time to explain you twice! He took us to dinner that night, and I always like to try what is custom in each country I visit. He suggested alpaca... uhhhh what 😑Cute little alpacas. (Why is there no llama or alpaca emoji?) Now I spend way too much time watching Chip and Jo on Fixer Upper and plotting my future life in Waco. I’ve gotten it into my head that I want a little farm house with a tiny bit of land so I can have an alpaca or two. Crazy and unrealistic, yes. I blame Chip and Joanna for putting these things into my head. Long story short I ate alpaca 🙈 I was horrified and felt like I had betrayed my future pets. RIP alpaca friends, I’m sorry. The next day Walter came to pick us up in a clown car, fully loaded with his girlfriend and her daughter (who are so so nice) and needed to fit me, Shirles, and our other friend Belinda. Somehow we all got in and went off to explore. A condor reserve was stop #1. My first thought pulling up was “well damn look it’s JPO’s mascot I’ll take a picture for my kids.” But then I got sidetracked by all the hideous dogs running around. I love me some pups, but this... I had to dig reaaallll freakin deep to love on these dogs, and then it ended up just being a single finger tap to the head because I couldn’t dig deep enough to find the love. They were all Peruvian hairless and I have honestly never seen anything uglier in my life. The entire time my face was like this 😬. I’ve spared you all the google search and inserted a picture above. YIKES! I tried to like them, I really did. I tried to pet them but it just grossed me out. They were dry. They were ugly. They were peely. Did I mention really f*cking ugly? One had a sweater on so at least that dog had a home and someone loved it. Bless that family 🙏🏽. Cusco day 2 had us scooting around the city and putting my limited Spanish skills to the test. I like to think I understand 40-50% of what is said but let’s be real, I’m a pale face and only understand like 20% on a good day. Somehow we found a phone shop that sold us a SIM card (that ended up not working 😒🖕🏽) and went to the market where I bought llama keychains for my students and a few gifts for friends and family. I was so excited about my little llama keychains until I noticed that some of them had lost both or one of their googly eyes. Sorry kids, some of y’all are getting disabled llamas. Still cute though. The next day was one of my favorites. We drove up into the mountains to see some of the schools Walter’s Hope Foundation had built. I swear I was living an episode of Worlds Most Dangerous Roads. Apparently that was kid stuff and wasn’t even “that bad.” All I’m saying is I saw the Lord and he was ready to carry my fat butt away. Pretty sure it was from how car sick I was and not the sketchy roads. We saw two preschool and Kinder schools and one primary school. The kids were all in their traditional outfits and cute as hell. Most of them have to walk hours back and forth from school by themselves. 3-5 year olds just walking along the side of the roads like no big deal. I’m so happy I was able to see the schools, and it made me excited to get back to my own class. Little angels this year in G2 THANK GOD 🙌🏽. If you’re still reading this you’re a MVP, I swear this is the last bit. Yesterday I went on a solo trip to Machu Picchu. How people actually hike the Inca Trail is beyond me. I’d need multiple tanks of oxygen. I was huffing and puffing up some of those stairs as it was... but ya know... altitude and not fat remember. Machu Picchu was by far one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen in my life. The fact that people built this thing that long blows my mind. The Incas were magic I swear. Now because I’m me and something always goes wrong or is weird, Machu Picchu just couldn’t be smooth sailing. When I got my entrance documents back, they all said I was a 29 year old from Afghanistan. I always joke I’m the most ambiguous shade of brown and that I’m all races at all times. No matter where I go, if they’re brown I’m one of them. I’ve gotten Mexican, Tahitian, Indian, South Pacific, Pakistani, you name it I’ve been associated, BUT c’mon people! Who put this on my official Machu Picchu forms. I was ready to throw down if they wouldn’t let me in because the information didn’t match my passport. Long story short, after being thrown out of a bus, stumbling along trying to find my way to the train, and then attempting to find my guide, they didn’t even check! I can now add Afghani to my long list of “what are you” guesses I get from people who ask. Lots of llama love from Peru ❤️

#Peru #cusco #cuscoperu #travel #travelblogger #machupicchu

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hedgehog-moss · 11 months

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Welcome everyone, please join us on Baby Poldine’s First Hike! This is going to be a long post because lots of nothings happened :)

Our short-term goal was making it all the way to the torrent without Poldine getting so stressed about being away from her family that we had to turn back.

Our long-term goal: finally having a picnic-carrying llama to accompany us on hikes, which isn’t something I’ve been able to achieve with Pampe because she’s Pampe, nor with Mama Pampy because she’s the matriarch and dislikes leaving her herd behind. (Is there a collective noun? a misdemeanour of llamas? or is it just herd?)

Emotional support cats were recruited to make things less stressful for Poldine. I had to interrupt their afternoon nap on the couch and carry them to the pasture one after the other, and they just lay there looking a bit bewildered, like can we resume our nap or...? But once they saw us dragging Poldine away into the woods they all got curious and followed.

The llamas were a bit suspicious of these shenanigans and started retreating when I carried the second cat outside, so I sent my friend to the greenhouse to get some strawberries, which immediately brought the llamas back.

Although Poldine took one bite of her strawberry and then refused to eat any more of it, because she’s still a baby who only likes familiar foods. (Her grandma volunteered to eat the rest of the half-bitten strawberry.)

One thing we discovered about Pampoldine as we started the hike is that she gets very worried about being a lone llama when we stand still, but she looks reassured as soon as we resume walking. I think us walking decidedly while holding her rope makes her feel like she has a confident leader, while seeing us stop for any reason makes her panic like oh my god, you have no idea what you’re doing and which way to go, do you?

She occasionally tried to rebel and go back in the direction of her pasture, and in these moments all we had to do was grab the nearest cat and toss it in front of her. She would immediately pounce, enchanted, to try and kiss it; the cat would dart away like no thanks!! and Poldine would follow, and off we went again.

Another thing we discovered about Poldine is that she is a compulsive cheek-kisser when stressed. As long as there is someone to nuzzle, the situation can’t be completely hopeless. So we had to accept a lot of kisses.

As you can see, we made it to the torrent! It took a bit of patient coaxing to get her to go in the water (I think she was wary of stepping on the round slippery pebbles) but once she went in she looked intrigued and delighted. She was stomping her little feet to make splashes, and wading about, we actually had trouble convincing her to leave!

For some reason she was more reluctant to follow us on the way back. Maybe once all the excitement of splashing in the stream died down, she suddenly remembered that she was alone far from her pasture and family and got stressed again. We once again tried the method that consists in throwing cats in front of us every now and then, like leaving a trail of bread crumbs behind you except the opposite and with cats. (Note that the cats had the option to flee from this disgraceful treatment any time.) Merricat and Mascarille were talented bait, often leading the way of their own initiative, but Morille complicated things by being a big baby who’d stop dead and start screaming whenever she came across any amount of water. Then we had to carry her across so she wouldn’t get her paws wet.

Pictured below: me, a llama, two cats, then a rivulet (where the mossy rocks are) and Morille lagging behind and screaming pitifully, waiting for a kind soul to carry her.

We made it to the pine area of the woods and Poldine started walking a lot more cheerfully, and sniffing the air with an eager little nose, which was strange because we were still quite far from her pasture so it wasn’t home or other llamas she could smell. We wondered if perhaps she enjoyed the smell of pine resin (it does smell wonderful on warm days!), but then we left the pine woods and entered the hazel woods and she was looking even happier and walking even faster, and then we realised. We were being followed and had been for a while.

Look at her smug little face. (It turns out she escaped because I forgot to tell my friend one of the pasture gates has a latch with an anti-Pampe dual safety system.) Ah, well, it wouldn’t be a proper llama post without Pampérigouste showing up somewhere she’s not supposed to be. She was being so discreet stalking us from afar behind a curtain of trees, we wondered if she’d been following us from the beginning. I hope not, because this small torrent ends up in the Atlantic Ocean and nothing good can come from Pampe discovering how to reach other continents.

Pampe stayed with Poldine long enough to make it look like she’d escaped out of concern for her daughter and not to find out where running water is so she can one day sail to freedom, then she left to have more adventures by herself, completely indifferent to Poldine’s little “mummy, stay :( ” baby goat cries.

Morille and Mascarille also deserted us (it looked like Pampe had promised them a more exciting hike) but thankfully we hadn’t run out of cats, and were able to go home at a decent pace thanks to Merricat, professional llama bait.

All things considered it was a very successful hike! I’m glad Poldine enjoyed the water—now I want to take her to the spots that have a series of little waterfalls, see what she’d make of them :) Or even to the deeper pool you can swim in, who knows, maybe she’ll dive in! Throwing a cat in the water to encourage her would help a lot but I probably won’t do that. They’re very helpful cats who didn’t complain about being tossed ahead like petanque balls to show Poldine the way, but I don’t want to push my luck.

(I regrettably don’t have a picture of this but sometimes when I stopped walking, Poldine would rest her head on my shoulder like “...well? are we lost?” with her little bunny ears tapping the side of my head inquisitively and it was really cute.)

#crawling along #sorry for how small some of the photos are but tumblr decided there were too many #tumblr's not wrong but what am i supposed to do. /delete/ a picture of poldine kissing someone??#and i can't start posting things in several instalments i need to limit myself #else i'd start making posts like Poldine's Hike: Volume VIII

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