#we're not best friends rn obviously but there was a couple years in high school where like. she was the one in our group that i was closest

[zemnarihah]

i mentioned this on here before but i have a friend who is abt to get married and like i just realized thats probably the death knell for our friendship

#we've been drifting apart for a while and i feel like. i mean maybe i dont reach out to her as often as i should like its not like im #texting her everyday or anything but everytime that group does smth #she seems to have some excuse not to come or to leave early and like it only got worse w the boyfriend and now theyre getting married #and like. they JUST got engaged and the date is set for may 20th #and like i could sit here and kid myself and be like well we can still be friends! but i just know she is going to have no time for me when #shes actually married if she already has so little time for me now #we're not best friends rn obviously but there was a couple years in high school where like. she was the one in our group that i was closest #to like i think we spent some very important years as eachothers first confidant or whatever and we used to like. laugh so hard together #idk #like i think ive laughed the hardest in my life w her yk. and maybe i should have accepted it earlier bc it has been like this for a while #where she just doesnt seem to care to make any time for me but man. this moment its just rlly getting me. #i actually saw her today for the first time since my birthday which was in december. which is what cemented it. i found out abt the date. #i met him. i saw the ring. and then she left early. with him. after not seeing me for months and seeing him every day. idk #i maybe kinda guilted her as she left or like idk just told her i thought she should stay since we havent seen eachother in so long and she #told me oh its ok well hang out soon! its spring break next week we can totally hang out! and i just told her straight up well ok you text #me because im always the one trying. and i think idk maybe its not fair ik at a certain point if ppl dont want to be in your life you cant #force them. but its just like. idk i miss her. like thats it literally i miss her. i feel like a little kid i just want her back i want to #laugh and talk and tell her abt every dumb little thing going on in my life i want her back! what the fuck! #anyway well see if she texts me over spring break. i dont have my hopes up #im gonna like. go to her bridal shower and bachelorette party and the wedding and everything obviously but after that. idk i dont have my #hopes set too high. well i kind of do. like in the back of my head i keep being like maybe! im moving a little closer so maybe! we wont be #as busy over summer break so maybe! im trying to see more of our mutual friends so maybe! #but. i dont think i can keep reaching out it makes me sad every time. i hope she does reach out to me and all i can do is keep a place in m #life open for her if she wants it but. if she doesn't theres nothing i can do #thats what i have to accept. its so hard though. im just really sad like thats it. i miss her and im sad. it really feels like grieving not #to be dramatic like obviously shes not dead but grieving the friend i had. i guess thats a thing. but i um. hate it. #ok. well. #gn now actually i was supposed to go to bed and then i realized that and then i cried and then i had to scream it into the void. idk if #i feel better but. i do feel tired. goodnight #zem diary