#were the nicest coolest person id ever met bc they were they were they are and. fcuk. fuck.

[yearnlark]

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#ohhhhh f u c k me #i found a bunch of the little sketches i made of them and. g o d. FUCK. theres one in here from freshman year when i just thought they #were the nicest coolest person id ever met bc they were they were they are and. fcuk. fuck. #theres doodles of them from rehearsal when we very first started going out and theres doodles of them from rehearsal more recently and #theres art inhhere from when i missed them ofer the summer and. and the old ones have their long hair and the newer ones show after they cut #it and the newest ones showed how its started to grow back and. god. FUCK. holy fucking h e l l. god this fucking h u r t s #all this after the fucking nightmare i had earlier too goddamnit goddamnit godDAMNit #h e l l. i cant. everything is. its all about them even when i dont mean it to be even when it doesnt start that way and i. dont know what #the fuck to DO bc this is all so. this is all so fucking much and i miss them so fucking badly and its been 43 days since ive seen or talked #to them at ALL and i cant STAND this i feel liek im losing myfucking mIND and i dont know what the fuck i could possibly ever say i dont #even know what i want besides them and thats ridiculous and stupid and i shouldnt i should know bettwr and i should be over this by now but #everything makes me think of them everythingeverythingeverything and even though ive been Actively Fucking Trying to figure out how tf to #move tf ON bc i know i SHOULD bc. bc everyone thinks i should and i trust theur judgement on this a helluva lot more than mine bc mine was #what got me INTO this mess in ghe FIRST fucking place but. i still fucking love them!! and i still fucking WANT to love them!!! and i still #FUCKING WANT to be with them godDAMNIt idk wtf to DO. every option os bad nd i cant see a way out of this without hurtibg literally Everyone #Involved and i cant STAND i dont WANT to hurt anyone but if i choose yes i hurt the other and if icchoose no then that hurts them and ikikik #im not responsible for wither of those things but. gdi. gdi. gdi i want to hold them again i feel so fucking lost and fluttery and they were #always such an anchor and i cant i cant i cant i CANT bc inSHOULDNT bc ig itll just hurts us both no matter what?? its all fucking lose-lose #its all fucking lose-lose and their hearts are in the fucking balance and i cant help both and i cant help either and ik that its not my #fault or responsibility but oh god ohgodohgodoh g o d i dont want to hurt anyone adn i dont know how to be good or healthy and im trying so #FUCKING hard but it doesnt seem like ots working at ALL bc for all im strainjng to do good and do healthy im still not and i can see it #happening but i cant seem to change iteven for my sake even though ik thats all i wanted for them was for them to do better for their own gd #sake!! i cant hopefor that from them if *i* cant do it. righr?? and i just feel like everythinf is spinning and im lost and. g o d. h e l l #they made it all seemso easy and clear and they were so supportive when i had no bones of my own to speakof and now i nkow that was probably #HURTING them and i cANT let that HAPPEN ANYMORE but im so confused and conflicted and they were always readyto try andease that away and i #GOD. it fuckinf HURTS. the nightmaee was just them angry and hurtinf and hating me + thekself and i woke up fucing sobbing bc i didnt have #anyanswers but dream-them said i was right:i WASNt worth gettig bettwr for but i was also WRONGbc they didnt think THEY were worth it either #and i couldbt help them in the dream i just woke up in tears and i cant help them irl bc i cant make myself nothing to them and i dont WANT #to even tho ik its SELFISH. but i cant even help my gd self!! and i havent even shown them all this fucking art. only one of the sketches #over txt ovr the summer+they said they loved it+it almost made them cry+i cant show anyone these now i cant but. i still have them. god. GOD

[mijasroom]

i need advice!! im super sad rn bc gave my number to a boy a week ago, & ive never heard back from him!! he was the nicest coolest most talented person id ever met, i really wanted to talk to him — & i considered asking for his number, but at the time i thought we were friendly enough that he’d contact me & for once in my life i wanted to be contacted, i‘m sick of always having to initiate everything. but now i haven’t heard back & i really regret it!! what do i do!!

hi! okay this happens to me sometimes, and honestly, I think it’s best to just let it go!! like, look at this as a step in the right direction of you not having to initiate things in relationships! if you really think he’s the nicest, coolest, and most talented, i would call just him out on it! (idk if you see him regularly) the worst thing he can do is just still not text you! boys are weird, and i don’t know why they do things, but i bet you are great and deserve texts from everyone!!

#Anonymous