#Involved and i cant STAND i dont WANT to hurt anyone but if i choose yes i hurt the other and if icchoose no then that hurts them and ikikik

[out-there-tmblr]

I just read a modern AU fic labelled as wangxian and xiyao, except in the last quarter you get surprise murderer Meng Yao! It was not a good surprise.

I simply dont believe JGY would kill NMJ without his father's pressure and without feeling very personally threatened by NMJ.

It was one of those stories where the wangxian was so good but the take on JGY just leaves me wanting to remix it.

I can absolutely believe that JGY would fall for Xichen at first sight, even if Xichen was in a committed relationship. I can absolutely love the idea of JGY as a psychiatrist, someone clever and controlled and well-trained but also someone who is a little distrusted in social circles. I love the idea of NMJ haunting LXC, growing angrier and angrier at LXC cosying up to the man he blames for his death.

But personally I would have gone with JGY feeling morally responsible but not technically having killed him. Picture it -- JGY meeting LXC and falling hard, despite knowing he's involved with JGYs patient. JGY mentioning painkillers as a way to manage pain or listening to NMJ vent about his GP not listening to his pain needs and recommending MXY as a second opinion. JGY noticing signs of addiction and letting it slide -- JGY doubting his own instincts, wondering if his personal jealousy over LXC is colouring his view, convincing himself he should be impartial, he should believe NMJ when he says a bottle of pills were lost, when he claims a prescription was left behind when he went camping.

(JGY starting to deeply dislike NMJ, and not knowing how much of that is deserved and how much is because LXC could do so much better. JGY suspecting addiction and also trapped by patient confidentiality- he can't tell anyone without losing his license, and it's only getting worse.)

But there's a grain of truth to NMJ saying JGY told him how to find street drugs. JGY said it as an example of addiction, as a scare tactic of how NMJ will end up -- one of those junkies standing on Reynolds Rd, passed out under the bridge. It wasn't meant as an instruction.

And if I was rewriting it, I'd probably also have JGY as an untrained medium -- not naturally powerful, but strong enough that he can see NMJ. He can't hear him, but he can see NMJ yelling and screaming at him, he knows NMJ is furious at him. He knows the smart move is to leave LXC alone but instead he pastes on a smile and forces himself to ignore the ghost in the room. It's just a ghost. Ghosts fade away eventually.

He lies to LXC about it. Doesn't want to hurt him with the idea of his ex boyfriend angrily haunting him. Doesn't want LXC to ever think he has to choose between JGY and NMJ. (JGY would never ask LXC to choose between him and the love of his life; JGY knows he'd lose.) Deep down, JGY thinks he might deserve NMJs anger - he knows how unprofessional it was to reach out to a client's boyfriend. He pushed his way into LXCs life as a friend, as a source of support. He made himself useful and made sure he was always there, made sure no one else could take advantage of LXCs grief, could get their hooks into him while he was vulnerable. He made himself quietly indispensable, allowed LXC to rely on him instead of family support.

JGY knows a good person wouldn't have done that but he wanted LXC so badly. And he justifies it to himself that he would never hurt LXC and he isn't doing LXC any harm. He doesn't push for romance, he isn't demanding, and it's six months before LXC reaches for his hand during a sad moment in a movie. It's weeks after that when LXC kisses him, tender and uncertain. They take it slow and JGY never rushes LXC.

JGY cant hear NMJ so he thinks thats what NMJ is yelling about -- and he can't tell LXC without hurting him. He can't even suggest moving somewhere else because what if NMJ is haunting LXC, not the apartment? I'm sure JGY ends up doing some secretive googling or maybe getting help from an unreliable medium like Xue Yang, being told the best way to banish spectre from a house is blood magic. But he can't do that to LXCs home -- he knows how the Lans feel about blood magic, he knows LXC wouldn't want that, wouldn't forgive him if he tried it.

So when LWJ and WWX come sniffing around, when WWX can't help watching NMJs dramatics as they eat dinner, JGY panics. He tries to discredit WWX before he tells LXC, he skirts the line of violating professional ethics to relay the worst rumours he's heard about WWX. He tries to protect himself from being found out and in the process, hurts LXCs relationship with his beloved brother -- and proves to himself that he doesn't protect LXC, that he's clinging to someone he doesn't deserve.

And of course it would end with a confrontation. With LWJ and WWX telling the truth, with LXC feeling guilty that NMJ is suffering and betrayed that JGY lied to him. With JGY trying to justify himself, that he acted badly but he's been a good boyfriend to LXC, and WWX being all "Nice motive but still murder" and JGY being stunned by the accusation. Arguning that he didn't kill NMJ, he fell for his boyfriend and pursued him as soon as NMJ was dead. Why would JGY kill him when he kept refusing help for an addiction that would eventually kill him anyway?

Then I think there would be an attack from NMJ and LWJ would still probably offer himself to buy time for WWX but I think JGY would do something foolishly brave to protect LXC and WWX would save the day before anyone died.

And I think LXC would need some time alone to think things through, to come to terms with the idea of NMJ so twisted by anger, with the trauma of seeing someone he loves attack him (and hurt another person he loves), with the idea of a boyfriend who lied to him for a year but still risked his life to save LXC. I think he would be hurt and confused, but eventually he'd give JGY another chance. On the condition that JGY is honest from now on. No more lies, and in return, LXC will try to show JGY that he's not a consolation prize. LXC isn't with him because he was there, because he was convenient and had proved himself useful; that he loves JGY for his kindness and his consideration, for his patience and support, but what he needs now is JGYs trust. (And it would be uncomfortable but JGY would jump at the chance. Eventually, they'd move somewhere new and it would be happy endings all around.)

And the fact that I have definite opinions about how I would have written it shows that it was really well written in the first place. It just missed my preferred characterisation of my little meow meow.

#the untamed #xiyao

[heliosoll]

[ ... ]

I'm fascinated with some of his answers! What does he think of atheists/agnostics, science,other religions like Judaism, Buddhism,Hinduism or people who are condemned by some of the Christians like homosexuals, trans, etc.(It's okay if he chooses not to answer). About his interventions, can't he just manifest the desired outcome since his God? Also, what does he think of Neville's teachings? Or loa in general since it has also roots in other scriptures I think. And are there any quarrels or skirmishes among cosmic beings? How do they resolve it? The Panoptican theory is definitely interesting. And does he think there is someone else watching over them(him and other eternal beings)? I'm also currently contemplating whether him or all this is just a conjuration on your part and mine. I also recommend watching the egg by kurzgesagt. And I'm going to hell fr lol. Anyway, convey my regards to him and I wish the both of you well:).( I also thank him for his lovely words. I'll be taking care of myself and I hope both of you do the same.💗)

"Does he ever attempt to communicate with other higher beings" , paraphrased but you get what I meant

He doesnt force anyone to believe him. He thinks that there might be a higher power who made him cause when he basically became aware of his existence, there were already some beings who already knew of their existence, so he cant cross that out with complete confidence. He personally believes the idea that every religion and every belief system is partially correct. "If I had a creator, I would give half truths but not lies and when you piece them all together, you will have learned the secrets of the universe", which basically means all the religions and belief system have parts that are correct and if you find all of them, you'd figure it out.

He has this blanket rule for all humans. "If they don't harm anybody as a collective then there is nothing wrong with an individual being part of said collective", basically if they as individuals do not harm others as that identity then he has no problems with them. It's basically I dont care if youre this or that because I'd love you either way unless you hurt people ,, he draws the line there. He doesnt completely understand the condemnation of some of them. Some of them he did say but doesnt stand by those statements today; some he said but was severely misinterpreted (for the gays: he said dont sleep with kids and that is it), and some he didnt say at all. it usually came from people who believed their thoughts and their opinions were that of gods and wrote or rewrote the book

He has a thing against influencing people beyond free will. He'll nudge you in the direction he wants you to go but if you go or not depends on you. Plus the two major interventions I said last time, he directly intervened during that time and it originally had the desired effect until certain things. He did them so humanity itself could restart on all they've done but it hasn't worked because humans stay human. He doesnt want to manifest things get better, he wants to see if it ever does. It's basically his own test on humanity

He's fine with his teachings but thats about it. He doesnt have an opinion on it basically. "What else is there supposed to say?", is all he said after saying his teachings were fine. He finds loa interesting since all Gods and higher beings use it on a technical standpoint. It interests him more than anything. He wont try stopping it or helping it, unless deity-work is involved. He said divine timing doesn't exist anyway

"If there were.. or are fights between them, I would not know. Some of them do try to talk to us but I think it's like.. awkward uhhhh... co-workers? That's the closest thing I could find that embodies what I mean. There are some disagreements occasionally between what someone wants and what someone else wants and they have to resolve that privately. Sometimes their resolution affects humans. I wouldn't know, I don't interact with a lot of them. Our relationships are hard to explain"

Oh- yeah the Egg by kurzgesgast is actually very accurate to what he was saying, we just watched it. Well except the you're everyone. Everyone is simply a vessel for consciousness and so while you can shift as them, the vessels stay separate. You can be everyone but you're not everyone in one place basically

He doesnt communicate more than he needs to. He says its awkward but doesnt want to explain past that. He can but he doesn't communicate with them all that much and most of them don't try it either

Thank you for answering again! And sorry for posting late 😅 Your ask got kinda buried under a bunch of other stuff. I hope the other anon sees this!

#religion mention #letters 🎀 #lost post #the relationships between deities of different beliefs is actually super interesting to me #i feel like i would be so nosy and annoying as a deity like id always want to know whats going on with everyone else 😭

[yearnlark]

.

#ohhhhh f u c k me #i found a bunch of the little sketches i made of them and. g o d. FUCK. theres one in here from freshman year when i just thought they #were the nicest coolest person id ever met bc they were they were they are and. fcuk. fuck. #theres doodles of them from rehearsal when we very first started going out and theres doodles of them from rehearsal more recently and #theres art inhhere from when i missed them ofer the summer and. and the old ones have their long hair and the newer ones show after they cut #it and the newest ones showed how its started to grow back and. god. FUCK. holy fucking h e l l. god this fucking h u r t s #all this after the fucking nightmare i had earlier too goddamnit goddamnit godDAMNit #h e l l. i cant. everything is. its all about them even when i dont mean it to be even when it doesnt start that way and i. dont know what #the fuck to DO bc this is all so. this is all so fucking much and i miss them so fucking badly and its been 43 days since ive seen or talked #to them at ALL and i cant STAND this i feel liek im losing myfucking mIND and i dont know what the fuck i could possibly ever say i dont #even know what i want besides them and thats ridiculous and stupid and i shouldnt i should know bettwr and i should be over this by now but #everything makes me think of them everythingeverythingeverything and even though ive been Actively Fucking Trying to figure out how tf to #move tf ON bc i know i SHOULD bc. bc everyone thinks i should and i trust theur judgement on this a helluva lot more than mine bc mine was #what got me INTO this mess in ghe FIRST fucking place but. i still fucking love them!! and i still fucking WANT to love them!!! and i still #FUCKING WANT to be with them godDAMNIt idk wtf to DO. every option os bad nd i cant see a way out of this without hurtibg literally Everyone #Involved and i cant STAND i dont WANT to hurt anyone but if i choose yes i hurt the other and if icchoose no then that hurts them and ikikik #im not responsible for wither of those things but. gdi. gdi. gdi i want to hold them again i feel so fucking lost and fluttery and they were #always such an anchor and i cant i cant i cant i CANT bc inSHOULDNT bc ig itll just hurts us both no matter what?? its all fucking lose-lose #its all fucking lose-lose and their hearts are in the fucking balance and i cant help both and i cant help either and ik that its not my #fault or responsibility but oh god ohgodohgodoh g o d i dont want to hurt anyone adn i dont know how to be good or healthy and im trying so #FUCKING hard but it doesnt seem like ots working at ALL bc for all im strainjng to do good and do healthy im still not and i can see it #happening but i cant seem to change iteven for my sake even though ik thats all i wanted for them was for them to do better for their own gd #sake!! i cant hopefor that from them if *i* cant do it. righr?? and i just feel like everythinf is spinning and im lost and. g o d. h e l l #they made it all seemso easy and clear and they were so supportive when i had no bones of my own to speakof and now i nkow that was probably #HURTING them and i cANT let that HAPPEN ANYMORE but im so confused and conflicted and they were always readyto try andease that away and i #GOD. it fuckinf HURTS. the nightmaee was just them angry and hurtinf and hating me + thekself and i woke up fucing sobbing bc i didnt have #anyanswers but dream-them said i was right:i WASNt worth gettig bettwr for but i was also WRONGbc they didnt think THEY were worth it either #and i couldbt help them in the dream i just woke up in tears and i cant help them irl bc i cant make myself nothing to them and i dont WANT #to even tho ik its SELFISH. but i cant even help my gd self!! and i havent even shown them all this fucking art. only one of the sketches #over txt ovr the summer+they said they loved it+it almost made them cry+i cant show anyone these now i cant but. i still have them. god. GOD

[diavolosthots]

(Spoiler Belphegor) (Angst) Beel is perfect bf material, but I really dislike his twin (bc he killed mc/us in the game). I mean, Mc probably has a trauma for life. Could you maybe make a fic about mc confessing her trauma with Beel? While they’ve been dating for two weeks. Mc didn’t want to make Beel choose, but she can’t act like nothing happened. Mc will understand if this’ll break them up. This fic will sadly probably end bad.

I mean two weeks isnt enough time to solidify any relationship in my opinion so this may very well end bad

Warning: angst

Me or your brother ( BEELZEBUB X GN!READER )

You hated him. You hated seeing him after everything that happened. After he manipulated and literally killed you, using you to his own advantage and for his own amusement. You were dragged into things that you were never even part of to begin with, against your will might you add, and none of this is sitting right with you. Most people would understand. They would tell you to keep your distance and stay as far away as possible, or even better, get authorities involved so you were at the very least safe.

But you couldnt do that. Human law... Human morals didn't apply in the Devildom. It was all under Diavolo and although he would easily be on your side, it wouldn't be because you, specifically, suffered; it would be because Belphegor tried to sabotage his plan. It all came back to the bigger picture, never stopping at you who happened to be a tiny piece in the puzzle. But seeing him every day, acting as if nothing ever happened, trying to be friendly with you after he took your life... It was exhausting. Infuriating. And it made you suffer a lot more than necessary.

You didn't have anyone to talk to. You'd think that you could lean on your new boyfriend, and maybe you could, if you hadn't picked his literal twin. The one person that your killer hangs out with literally 24/7. The one person that sleeps in the same room as someone who even for one second thought it would be okay to wipe out all of humanity. It was tough. You debated for a long time if you should even tell Beel, especially this early on, but ultimately if not now then later and by the time later comes around, you might already be too deep in the situation and too far in love to deal with the heartache of his answer, because he would choose Belphegor.

"Beel..." Still, you needed to get it off your chest, at the very least. And part of you still hoped that he would at least... Try to stay. To distance himself just enough for it all to be separate. "Hm?" You were seated in his lap, his arms securely around his waist while you were watching a movie in the living room. "I... Need to tell you something." He frowned. He could hear in your voice that this wasn't going to be good; that this was going to be a hard conversation, and he slowly loosened his arms around you so you could turn to look at him. Truthfully, your eyes tried to avoid his at all cost, scared of the answer. Or any kind of reaction.

"I... Its Belphegor." His brows furrowed, "did he do something again?" You slowly shook your head, unsure on how to approach this, "n-no... Not anything bad again... But what he did... I cant forgive him for it. The fact that he's acting so friendly now, pretending to want to be around me and slither his way back into my life as if nothing happened before... It irks me. It doesn't sit right with me. It angers me." Somewhere between your words, your gaze had drifted downward where your hands were placed on your leg, watching them now silently. Beel was still looking at you, you could feel it, and he too was thinking of things to say.

"He's trying..." He finally settled on saying. "He knows now that what he did is wrong and he's trying. If he's too pushy in his advances and you need more time, i could always talk to hi--!" "No!" You interrupted him, angry that he did somehow try to justify this; that he somehow tried to make it better. "No. He killed me, Beelzebub. He manipulated me and choked the life out of me once he got what he wanted. Without remorse. He doesnt feel bad about what he did, I can tell. He still looks at me with those... Those... Demonic eyes. The ones that are out for blood!"

He leaned back, looking at you with cold eyes, "what do you want me to do?" You knew exactly what you needed him to do, but you couldnt bring yourself to say the words. Not really. But it would kill you again, this time from the inside out, and slower. More painfully. "I can't do that." Of course he knew youd say that. It's so obvious how you always try to avoid him. How you run away or drag beel off when Belphegor is around. "And I can't stand seeing him."

His hands fell from your body, eyes still watching you, "Beel, I.... I want this to work, but I can't... I cant ever forgive him. I'm so angry and hurt and I feel used by him. I dont ever want to see him again." "He's my best friend, (Y/N). We've been through more together than you could ever understand." You frowned, "he killed me." He nodded, "I understand. Youre not the first and you wont be the last. I'm sorry but I can't leave him behind." You stared at him for a while. He didn't understand. Of course not, how could he? He didn't go through it.

"Then I'm sorry but I cant do this." You got up and off of him, slowly walking toward the exist with tears threatening to spill over. Part of you hoped he'd run after you, beg you to try again, but the other part of you knows that it wouldn't have changed things. You still wouldve wanted him to leave Belphegor and you now knew for a fact he wouldn't do that. Things do seem to be too perfect to be true more often than not.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me scenarios #om beelzebub #obey me beelzebub #beel #beelzebub obey me #shall we date beelzebub #beelzebub avatar of gluttony #beelzebub x mc #beelzebub x reader

[numbaoneflaya]

8, 21, 22, 26 for Caz , 25, 27, 29, 39 for Felria, 23, 30, 40, 43 for Suds, and 21, 25, 26, 35 for Nirn? 👀👀

HERE THEY ARE IM SJORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG GDSHEDG...

Caz

8. How does your character feel about religion?

Not a big fan! Hates the chantry and Andraste and the Maker and the Qun. Being raised in the circle run by templars and nuns and seeing the corruption of the church firsthand from the inside really left a bad taste in her mouth for organized religion.

21. What are your character’s manners like? What is their type of hero? Whom do they hate?

She has the ability to flip her manners on or off depending on who shes with. If shes comfortable then shes going to be more crass and impolite, but shes capable of really cleaning up her act and pretending to be professional if she needs to be. Her type of hero is anyone who goes against the status quo and disrupts systems of oppression- She considers Thurwen/the HOF and Hawke personal heroes (if Hawke sides with the mages) as well as Anders. Has read all of Anders manifestos and reports on Thurwen and Hawke and would geek tf out meeting them.

22. Who are their friends? Lovers? ‘Type’ or ‘ideal’ partner?

Friends are anyone who accepts her for who she is and doesnt snitch on her, people she can trust to do the right thing or atleast try to, and people she can have a good laugh with. Lovers are only a couple in the past as she needs to get to know someone well/find them interesting to want to sleep with them. Her type is large, charismatic and rugged. Anyone who looks like a good brat tamer but is also intelligent and keen. Iron Bull.

26. What does your character’s home look like? Personal taste? Clothing? Hair? Appearance?

Everything is covered in tomes and journals but theres a method to the madness. She likes to keep her things organized, surprisingly. She likes cool colors like greens and blues, likes dressing comfortably. Oversized shawls that second as blankets and loose pants. Her hair she likes to keep down with the sides pulled into little braids in front of her ears.

Felria

25. What are their hobbies and interests?

People watching and painting! She knows how to blend into a crowd pretty well or how to find a hidden vantage point where she can just sit and watch people… for hours. She finds peoples behaviors/reactions fascinating and makes little journals of interesting things she sees. Finding how other people work differently than her is vital to figuring out how best to manipulate and control them and she loves learning new ways! And painting because she has an artist's eye and enjoys beautiful things. A few bottles of blood and a quiet evening in front of an easel is a great way for her to unwind.

27. How do they relate to their appearance? How do they wear their clothing? Style? Quality?

She relates her appearance with how easily she will be able to blend in or stand out of her surroundings, and how to dress in order to play the role she wants to play. Because of her line or work (professional assassin and information gatherer) she has to have a lot of costumes available to fit the personalities she plays. Shes a performer at heart but only for herself and the joy she gets in deception. Her own style, if shes not performing, is simple reds and blacks and silvers. She keeps her hair long so shes able to do more with it.

29. What is your character’s weaknesses? Hubris? Pride? Controlling?

Her pride could definitely be her downfall as well as her curiosity. She believes shes just better and different than everybody else and that its her right to play with people as much as she wants, I can see her eventually trying to play with the wrong person. She believes she can get out of any situation by herself without help and that she deserves the finer things in life, and if someone gets in her way, they deserve whatever harm befalls them.

39. What do they like to ridicule? What do they find stupid?

She will really ridicule anything and anyone because she finds most things stupid or benign. She likes to ridicule any of the gods and aedra, and anyone who worships them. She ridicules mortals and werewolves and any other creature that's not a vampire.

Suds

23. What do they want from a partner? What do they think and feel of sex?

Back in his youth he wanted spontaneous fun, a charming and outspoken person to sweep him off his feet. He always wanted someone to take him on adventures and be dangerous and in the moment. Now? Poor guy just wants commitment and someone genuine. Hes tired of charismatic liars who he always seems to fall for. He wants someone to help tend his garden and bond with the bees. He feels that sex is a sacred thing to be shared with people you trust, not something thrown around haphazardly. Relationship and trust come first with him, and he casually waves any flirtation most of the time as if he hadn't noticed it. He's been hurt too many times to trust easily like that.

30. Are they holding on to something in the past? Can he or she forgive?

Yeah hes holding onto a long ass past full of betrayal from the people hes held dearest to him :/ He by nature is a very forgiving person and believes one must be generous in forgiveness. Hes holding onto his past hurt from Felix and cant seem to get away from it- hes forgiven him many times and each time Felix just does the same things as before.

40. How is their sense of humor? Do they have one?

A little dual natured in this aspect. Generally pretty reserved and soft with other people and can seem serious to those who dont know him. Underneath that is his reputation as a trickster- fond of pranks and revelry. The little twinkle in his eye is the only thing that would give him away as the culprit when everyone is looking for who filled a bucket of mud over Nirns chamber door. His favorite kind of jokes are the really long ones, the ones that have a seemingly normal storyline and go on forever and then end in a way where the joke is really on the person listening. And everyone around goes “AAAUUGHH!”

43. Does your character have any secrets? If so, are they holding them back?

A lot of them! Hes a very good secret keeper as hes who many people go to with their problems. After being alive so long and being somewhat involved with politics he probably knows more than a few that could take down nations, and always seems to know whats going on wherever in the world. He has his connections, his mushrooms and his bees and such have eyes everywhere. And don't tell anyone but he is an ardent fan of juicy gossip.

Nirn

21. What are your character’s manners like? What is their type of hero? Whom do they hate?

Impeccable manners. The posture of a God, obviously. Always eloquent and polite, knows which spoons to use for certain dishes and common diplomacy practice from all over the world. Nirn has no heroes, hes never held anyone to a pedestal or been one for hero worship. If he had to choose hed say his mother, for how graceful yet ruthless she was in politics and trade. He also does not hate anybody, he considers strong feelings a weakness and to harbor such resentment would only make him act rashly. He dislikes the slovenly, though. Not the common man but the drunken aristocrat with wine breath who gambles his savings and acts impolitely.

25. What are their hobbies and interests?

Chess and games of strategy are some of his favorites in the odd chance he has any free time. He also plays the violin and the harp and the lute, instruments he's known since he was taught them as a child. Wine tasting as well! Hes one of those mfs who can just sniff a certain drink and say with precision the date time and location it was made.

26. What does your character’s home look like? Personal taste? Clothing? Hair? Appearance?

Everything is refined and elegant with a certain air of someone who enjoys the arts. Many expensive paintings and sculptures on display. He prefers the colors red and gold and white, sometimes a darkish blue or purple. He is always dressed to impress, satin and velvet and exotic leathers. He keeps his hair long to the small of his back, or tied up in a bun. In appearance hes intimidatingly tall and knows how to stand to look even taller, does not tilt his head down to you but moreso stares down his nose.

35. Do they always rationalize errors? How do they accept disasters and failures?

Failure is only a means to greater success to him. To win a game sometimes you need to sacrifice a few pawns, etc. Takes them calmly and with little indication that hes upset at all. He usually has four or five backup plans for any endeavor, so hes able to quickly jump tactics if something isn't working. In game or battle hes typically a good sport at losing, though he very seldom does. Hed be more impressed that someone managed to make him fail, and get to thinking on how to get them in his employ.

#caz #riley #nirn #suds #basically two babis and two asshols #thank u beloved i missed my babs.... #my ocs

[probably-writing-x]

It had to be you.

Guzmán x Reader

Request by anon: I love your writings, I was wondering if I could request a guzman x reader where lu constantly ambushes the reader cause she knows guzman is in love with the reader and then guzman and lu end up breaking up cause he finally chooses the reader. Something within those lines, hope it’s not so much of a hassle! Keep writing ❤️❤️

Gif is not my own

Requests are open 🤍

“Guzmán, can you focus please?” Lu snaps her hand in front of him, “Or at least listen to me for a minute?”

“I’m sorry, but I have bigger things to worry about than your petty drama with your family,” Guzmán sighs, shaking a hand over his hair. 

“Are you kidding me?” Lu scoffs, “So you ignore me all weekend and then you act like I’m a pain for talking to you about my life?” She reaches up and fixes the lapels of his jacket. 

“I’ll talk to you later, Lu,” He pushes his hands away from her, grabbing his bag from where it was at his feet and hurrying to catch up with the person he’d been waiting for. 

You’re walking down the corridor at a pace quick enough to just about make it to class in time. 

“Hey, (Y/n), you doing okay?” He asks, tapping you on the shoulder. 

“Oh, hey Guzmán,” You smile, “I’m okay, are you?”

“Good. Do you have my notes from Chemistry? I need them for first period,” He comments, slinging his bag over one shoulder.

“Yeah, shit, um, thank you for those. I really appreciate it,” You nod, grabbing them from your things and handing them back to him, “you’re a lifesaver.”

“Are you kidding?” He laughs, “It’s the least I could do.”

He steps aside to let you into the class first and follows close behind you. You two hadn’t ever spent much time together before recent times but you’d found something in him that you hadn’t expected. You’d always been at Las Encinas but tried your best to keep yourself out of the typical group in your year. That was until everything happened with Marina, and Guzmán went through the type of loss he could never prepare himself for. You, in fact, had some experience in the area - after losing your brother only two years before. When Guzmán had confided in you, you’d found it impossible to say no to him, he was like a completely different person. 

“Hey, I was actually going to ask you,” He stops you yet again, scratching the back of his neck, “Are you free again tonight?”

“Yeah, sure, usual spot?” You smile, “I’ll see you later.”

“(Y/n)! Looks like you can get more conversation out of him than his own girlfriend can,” Lu speaks up, walking into the class with a smirk plastered across her face. 

“We’re just talking Lu,” You sigh, setting down your books and sitting in your designated chair.

“And what could be so important that it’s got him so occupied at the minute?” Lu scoffs, “Because honey, I don’t think you’ve had much interest in your life for the past seventeen years.”

“Lu, stay out of it. This has nothing to do with you,” Guzmán snaps, glaring at her before offering you an apologetic smile. 

“Nothing to do with me?” Lu laughs, “Fucking hell Guzmán, you’re spending more time with the fucking introvert than you are with your own girlfriend!”

“Lu, not now. I’m sorry (Y/n).”

You shake your head as means of dismissing his concern as he follows her back to their seats, ignoring her advances as she settles a hand on his thigh. 

You’d never intended on getting close to Guzmán and getting in the way of his and Lu’s relationship - you’d never tried to flirt with him or cause any problems. But apparently that just came with association.

- - - - - -

As you’re leaving school that day, you’re stopped before you can reach the car, as Lu grabs your arm and turns you to face her.

“Okay, darling,” She beams, glancing over her shoulders before turning to you with a deathly glare, “What’s going on with you and Guzmán?”

“Nothing Lu, it’s nothing,” You sigh, trying to push her off.

“Nothing? Then what’s with all the secrecy? Why do I see you together all the time? You were never interested in stealing my boyfriend before.”

You push her hand off, “And I’m still not interested in stealing anything or anyone. Maybe you need to think about being there for your boyfriend and supporting him instead of concerning yourself in matters that don’t mean anything.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“And I think that’s the problem, darling,” You roll your eyes, walking the rest of the way to the car and leaving her stood with a vacant stare in your direction.

It was true. She was so caught up in you that she’d completely forgotten about Guzmán in this whole situation.

- - - - - -

“Alright, I got your favourite this time,” Guzmán grins as he climbs the ladder up to the top of the bell tower and sets down some cans of drink, “And... I got snacks too.”

“Wow, you treat me so well,” You joke, “Try not to eat all the pretzels this time though.”

He shuffles on the wooden floor to sit beside you and lean back against the bench behind your backs, “Hey, listen, I’m sorry about Lu.”

“Oh, no, that’s okay,” You shake your head, “It’s not your fault. And I can see why she’d be jealous, I guess.”

He scoffs, “I don’t think she can stand the idea of me spending any time with anybody but her. I don’t even remember the last time we had a real conversation, that wasn’t about her or school or some petty drama she wants to involve herself in.”

“But she cares about you, that’s at least something,” You point out, “And she’s attractive.”

Guzmán laughs, “I used to think that was enough, maybe it’s only recently that I’ve realised it isn’t.”

You sit in silence with him for a moment as you ponder the thought. You didn’t like the idea of him wanting to change his whole life based on the few months you’d spent knowing him. But damn did you love the idea of being the one who he loved.

“I really appreciate you being here for me recently, I guess I sort of threw all of this onto you,” Guzmán smiles sincerely.

“Oh don’t be ridiculous, you’ve helped me just as much as I’ve helped you. Losing a sibling isn’t easy, and it’s even harder to go through that alone - whatever I can do to help you, you know that,” You assure him, “Besides, you always bring decent food.”

He chuckles, “A lot has changed in a few months, huh?”

“It doesn’t have to change much Guzmán. I know you’ve changed ever since you lost Marina, but Lu is there for you. She might not seem like it sometimes but it’s clear, even in her ambushing me, she does seriously care about you. She loves you, and she’s always there,” You point out, “There’s no reason why that should change.”

“No reason, yeah?” He smirks a little, “If you say so (Y/l/n).”

- - - - - -

The following day, you’re once again minding your own business at school. You’d spent the morning with Nadia revising for an exam and were now sat by one of the window seats reading up on some literature for class.

“Spending the evening with my boyfriend and you seriously want to tell me that nothing’s going on?” Lu’s voice sounds loud and clear from across the corridor, “You bitch!”

You glance up and set the book aside, sighing as you turn to focus on her.

“Who do you think you are? Walking around like you’re so innocent, so nice - when really all you want to do is to take what’s mine.”

“That’s not what’s happening Lu, even though I know it looks that way. I get it. But that’s not the case,” You shake your head, “Guzmán... he just needs help, support.”

“And you don’t think I can give that to him?”

“No, not at all. I think you’re more than capable. But sometimes you need to speak to someone who gets it, who’s been through it. And that’s what it’s like for us - you dont know what it feels like to lose someone like that Lu.”

She looks down at her feet, “I think in the process of you being his knight in shining armour, he’s started realising he doesn’t love me anymore. Maybe he never did.”

“I don’t know if that’s the case, or if it ever will be. But you’re playing a game that I don’t want to play. I never wanted to get between you and Guzmán, I never meant for any of this. I’m sorry Lu, but I was just being a good friend to him - anything that changed with you two wasn’t my doing.”

You collect your things and step past her, heading down the corridor quickly to avoid the stares in your direction. You’re only stopped as Guzman’s hand holds your arm.

“Hey, what’s going on? Everything okay?” He frowns, glancing momentarily at the people around, “Why’s everybody staring at you?”

“I’m sorry Guzmán, I cant do this anymore. I’m not getting involved in your whole whatever-this-is between you and Lu. Helping you out wasn’t supposed to destroy your relationship in the process, and it certainly wasn’t meant to make me your girlfriend’s worst enemy,” You shake your head, “I’m sorry but I can’t do it.”

You pull away from him and leave him dumbfounded in the middle of the corridor, swallowing the lump in his throat as he watches you walk away. God, that was never his intention. He’d just found someone in you that listened, that understood, that engaged with him when he spoke about Marina. Amongst that, he’d found someone that he’d always been missing when he saw you. He found someone funny, honest, caring, intelligent, and so certain of her future that she near enough convinced him that he could be successful too. He didn’t want to hurt Lu. But the pull he felt towards you was too powerful to ignore.

“Lu,” He quickly blurts out as he sees her storming past, “I think we need to talk.”

- - - - - -

“Well, I think this is the most we’ve spoken in a long time,” Lu scoffs as she sits down beside him on the bench, “Do you want to explain yourself Guzmán?”

“You need to stop being so harsh on (Y/n), none of this is her fault.”

“None of this? None of her spending every day with my boyfriend behind my back and knowing more about him than I do at the minute?” She scoffs, “Don’t act like she’s so innocent.”

“It’s not like that Lu,” Guzmán tuts, “She’s... she’s been there for me.”

“And I’m not?”

“No, no, you are. But (Y/n)... she understands. She can sympathise and relate to how I’ve been feeling. She’s helped me deal with losing Marina in a much better way than I would’ve done.”

“I don’t get it Guzmán. You barely spoke to the girl before this.”

“Exactly! I mean she’s been at school with us for years but it felt like I barely knew her. There’s so much more to her than I’d ever expected,” Guzmán smiles fondly, “She’s complex and sh-“

“I get the idea,” Lu rolls her eyes, “Why couldn’t you just tell me?”

Guzmán pauses. Why didn’t he just tell her? Tell her that he was seeking help, that he was doing it for the right reasons. He could’ve explained himself and explained that they were just friends. Instead, he sat here now with every intention of ending things with Lu.

“You like her, don’t you?” Lu states, “I know that look, it’s the same one you used to give me.”

“I never meant for any of this Lu,” Guzmán shakes his head, “But I’m different when I’m around (Y/n)... I can’t explain it but I like who I am when I’m with her.”

“You don’t have to explain yourself, it’s the same way I feel about you. And deep down I know you’ve never felt that way with me.”

“Lu...”

“Go, go and find her. We both know you want to.”

- - - - - -

You weren’t exactly sure why you’d come back to the bell tower, maybe because you partially hoped that Guzmán would still find you here. It was a weird mix of hoping to never get involved in his life again and also wanting nothing more than for what Lu said to be true.

Just then, you hear the sound of the hatch opening as Guzmán ascends the ladder and pushes himself up.

“Hey,” He says in relief as he sees you, “I hoped you’d be here.”

“Did you bring food?”

He laughs and shakes his head, “I have to talk to you (Y/n).”

You shuffle to make room for him beside you as he sits down, both of you silent as you look out at the sun in preparation to set.

“I spoke to Lu,” He states after some time, “I think we both needed to clear up a few things.”

“Yeah? Are you two back to being okay now?”

“Not exactly,” He laughs, “Or maybe just a different definition of okay.”

You look at him and frown, trying to keep composure as your heart ran at double speed.

“I never meant for any of this, and I certainly never meant to hurt Lu in the process. When I first spoke to you about Marina, it was because you’d been the first person to come up to me at school and tell me you were there if I needed to talk - and I believed you. When we first met here, it was because I wanted to know how you’d managed to cope with that feeling that was still so new to me. I was terrified of never being able to really deal with losing her, and you made it seem so clear.”

You swallow thickly.

“Somewhere, along the way, I found someone in you that went deeper than just how supportive you’d been. You were so much more than I’d ever seen,” He smiles and lets out a little chuckle, “You’ve made me some sort of romantic, clearly.”

“Guzmán...” You sigh, “I can’t get in the way of you and Lu. You know what she’s like.”

“Right, I do. And I know when I spoke to her today, it was like we’d both come to the same realisation. I needed to find you to realise the way that I’d never feel about her,” He shakes his head, “You make everything seem clearer (Y/n).”

You smile a little as he reaches over for your hand.

“There was never a choice to make (Y/n).”

#guzman #guzman imagine #guzman one shot #guzman drabble #guzman blurb #guzman request #guzman fanfiction #guzman writing #guzman x reader #guzman x you #guzman x y/n #guzman elite #elite #elite netflix #elite imagine #elite one shot #elite drabble #elite blurb #elite writing #elite request #elite fanfiction

[ruffiorocks]

unpopular opinion (long post)

This might be unpopular but its irking me a little bit, im actually completely OK with Lena punching Kara in the face. 

Its not so much that Kara kept her identity a secret, that on its own doesn't warrant a smack or a punch (if they had been dating then it absolutely would) because that’s beyond disturbing behaviors, 

No for me its, as i’ve mentioned before the way that Kara treated her as Supergirl, especially in season 3. 

Now yes Kara has been lovely to Lena as Supergirl, the same as Lena has to her. they have actively saved each others arses on more than on occasion. 

BUT season 3 and 4 gave us a look at what Kara can be like when she feels her authority is being questioned. Kara was instantly p**sed at Lena for daring to keep Reign a secret, no regard for WHY just accusations. Honestly why Kara was there while they interrogated Lena is beyond me, she doesn't actually have a DEO rank? But whatever. She instantly got p**sed that Lena had some leftover kryptonite (we know she made it) and immediately took it as threat, even though Lena IS her best friend. What irked me the most about season 3 was that Kara didn't really give a lot of thought to Sam, in her beef with Lena it was always Kara, Kara, Kara. The fact that Lena did all of this FOR SAM to protect her went completely over Kara’s head. 

Kara also got p**sed that Lena dared to have tech that she didnt know of or approve of. Lena literally told Kara that the force field on Reign’s cell prevented Kryptonian’s looking through it, so what was the first thing Kara does? Why she tries to look through it and gets p*ssed that it caused a bit of pain. She instantly rounded on Lena and saw something SHE personally could nosy through as a threat. I mean Lena could literally just have used this so she wouldn't be spied on in the shower by passing Kryptonian’s. Just because Kara does have X Ray vision doesn't mean shes entitled to be able to see everythong (*cough* Batgirl *cough*) This scene was basically like telling someone not to put their hand in the fire because it will burn, only for them to instantly do it and then get upset with you for built the fire in the first place. 

I was beyond happy that Lena brought Kara down a peg or two, ive said it before but Kara is rarely seriously questioned by anyone and it seems to have gone to her head. Kara’s authority is mostly what shes bestowed on herself, much like Superman. 

But anyway, Kara seems to have realized she’s been a colossal ass and jumped to conclusions, because she has a really awkward exchange with Lena and says she hopes it wont ruin their friendship. See my issue here is that Kara thinks she can attack Lena but because she has had a change of heart its still all good? yeah... no. Lena tells her what for again, poor love tells her she has friends that trust her, not knowing the very woman she is referring to is the same woman shes talking to. 

Kara then gets pissed that Lena gives Kara whats ‘left’ of the kryptonite.  I mean you were upset she had it and now you’re upset shes giving it to you? Once again the fact that this could help her fight Reign and save Sam when she and the others have spectacularly failed goes over her head and she attacks Lena again, who quite rightly tells Kara that lots of things in the world could hurt her but she goes on with life and doesn't whine about. Kara seems to think that NOTHING on Earth should ever be allowed to exist that could hurt her or any other Kryptonian completely forgetting  recent Kryptonian attacks, one of which she did herself oh and the current one. This is pretty God like behavior. She also doesnt have issues with DEO having weapons that  can hurt other aliens, as long as it isn't her.  Kara even pulls the ‘Luthor’ card on Lena. Note through all this its always Kara who has the issue with Lena, Lena has no issues with Supergirl until she attacks her. 

Kara thinks she has the authority to tell Lena she isnt coming to the dark valley to try and save her friend Sam, i mean why is Kara calling the shots here? She does redeem herself a bit when she tells Reign to take her instead of Lena, but honestly? Kara would have done that for literally anyone, this isn't because its Lena. 

Lena even returns to the DEO the moment Kara is in danger of dying. Lena has pre-made suit that even has the House of El crest on it! 

Remember also, that even after the interrogation, Alex asked Lena to just tell her why she didnt let on about Sam and Alex was absolutely OK with Lena’s explanation and didnt harp on about it, this is Alex Danvers whose life is dedicated to protecting Kara’s. 

Kara then did the ONE thing that i thought was so below the belt. She meddled in Lena's relationship and put it at risk. She quite literally went to Lena's boyfriend, a man who not long ago wasn't going to give her the time of day and wanted her in prison no matter what and Lena had to learn to trust, and Kara asked him of all people to betray Lena’s trust. Kara could have asked any DEO agent, but no, apparently James, the one person she SHOULDNT have asked to betray Lena was the only one who would do it? Im sorry Kara you dont do that under any circumstances. Kara is dumb anyway because she trusts James! He literally breaks into L Corp, then he lies to Kara and then drops her in it with Lena? There was NO reason for him to do that, he just wanted the best of both worlds. 

Kara gets pissed that Lena dared to make Harun El for anyone other than the mighty Kryptonian’s that have decreed that this substance they dont understand, arent even close to understanding and has the power to keep civilizations alive is NOT allowed to be used for the benefit of humans, but a human is allowed to  make it for the benefit of Kryptonians and only kryptonians, Yeah, Argo would be a floating city of dead people if it wasn't for Lena managing to figure something out in about a week that the entire race of advanced scientists o Argo weren't even close to doing. The fact is Kara jumps down her throat again, but this time its Alex that comes to Lena’s defence. 

The problem when it comes down to it, is that Kara is too quick to assume the worst in Lena, when she used to be the exact opposite. This is shoddy writing and OOC but unfortunately its what happened. Kara thinks she has authority over all things and the fact is she just doesnt. 

Getting James to betray Lena was the worst one for me, and the one that warrants a smack or in this case a punch in the face. If my best friend asked my significant other to betray my trust because she decided she couldn't trust me oh and then acted like she had nothing to do with it while i vented i would think about punching her and if it was the other way round she would probably think the same, and she would justified because that isnt friendship. 

Kara was Jekell and Hyde with Lena, she even looked her nose down at her in season 2 when she and Superman landed on L Corp’s balcony to talk to Lena and Lillian, the look Kara gave Lena has stuck with me because it was so superior, like because she was now standing with Superman she had more authority? Was she trying to measure up? 

Then there’s the fact that Kara has no issue letting Lena think her ass is in danger, or letting her think shes been blown up! 

Kara knows the amount of betrayals Lena has faced, but she just kept on going  and it was wrong. If she had no intention of telling Lena and letting her be the only one in her new found family that apparently wasn't trusted enough then she should never have gotten so involved with Lena in the first place. 

Kara ignored Lena after Mon El left, then only came to her when she needed her help, essentially her money and her influence. Then once shed asked for it she fobbed off Lena’s attempt to reach out to her. Lena actually does use her power and her own money to save Cat Co and Kara is just  like ‘oh ok, but i quit’. It was using Lena and it was harsh, even if Kara did say she would go back. Then you have Kara’s blatant disregard for Lena as a boss. 

The fact is Kara picks and chooses her attitude to Lena, she should pick ONE not have multiple personalities, choosing to support her on minute, ignore her the next or accuse her of misdeeds in another. 

Now think about what Lena is thinking? Kara lied about who she is, Lena is going to know a Super came to investigate her the moment she arrived in National City, this same super integrated herself into Lena's life and they got close, but Lena is probably wondering why that was now? If Lena had befriended Kara knowing she is Supergirl you know it would have been instantly treated as suspicious. Kara treated her like she was bad even after Lena helped save her and the world several times. Kara used the relationships Lena built against her. Kara acted like she had dull authority over her, she let her think her life was in danger or she was dead more than once. Yeah id be pretty p**sed to.Lena may even wonder why Kara pushed her to date James of all people, someone who wasnt a fan of hers, but then suddenly was? Oh was that so he could stay close to Lena and be used against her? To spy o  her? Lena ‘s feeling arent something Kara can just play with depending on how the mood hits her, actions have consequences and treating people like this isnt cool.

Its a lot for Lena to process, and its not like she can ask kara about it, even when Kara knows Lena knows she cant trust the explanations Kara may give her. 

If Oliver punched Barry the fans would just be like ‘ahh man! They’ll make it up’ 

Batman and Superman fight, ‘ahh man! They’ll make up’. 

But Lena punches Kara? ‘Oh my God abuse!!’ 

i dont think Lena is punching Kara because of the secret itself, shes probably punching her because of all the s**t that came along with it. 

(if you dont agree fine, but dont send hate) 

#supergirl #lena luthor #kara danvers #anti james olsen #anti guardiancorp #supercorp

[blookmallow]

I FINALLY GOT SKYRIM MARRIED

i have a BEAUTIFUL WIFE

...who i went through a lot of shit for. this is. a lot of exposition, bear with me :’) im very invested in my character’s personal story here

so astrid had a very important special job for me and sent me to markarth to speak with the client directly

it turned out to be the apothecary’s assistant, who i was passingly familiar with already, so i imagine it was a bit of a surprise to both of us, but she got right to the point - a man broke her heart and ruined her life, used her to hurt the people close to her, abandoned her to go become a bandit, now she wants him dead

u can probably imagine where this is going,

this is the first time ive had a dark brotherhood job i was legitimately PSYCHED to carry out, you BET ill go fuck this guy up for you id do this for free

however, she also had... another request, one that wasn’t required, but something she really, really wanted

see she was very close with/practically another daughter to the shatter-shields in windhelm, the wealthy family who recently lost a daughter to the windhelm butcher

alain had manipulated her and used her to get to the shatter-shields, i dont remember if he stole from them or what happened there, but whatever it was, the shatter-shields blamed muiri for this and disowned her, throwing her out onto the streets with nothing

so she was used and had her heart broken by a man she loved, then was told it was Her Fault, and lost her home and her friends/the closest thing to family she had all at once, and was so hurt and desperate she turned to the dark brotherhood to get revenge on them all

she wanted me to kill nilsine too, the shatter-shields’ other daughter

SO we have this really complicated situation where, on the one hand, she wants alain dead for using her and ruining her life and hurting her friends, and like, he’s a bandit leader now, so he’s someone i probably would’ve easily killed off anyway, by “this is a video game not real life”/skyrim standards that’s a no brainer, i have no moral conflict with that and can’t wait to slash this guy’s head off

but on the other hand she’s so broken she wants a woman who used to be her best friend/practically her sister dead too. i dont know what nilsine’s role in this was specifically but these people were essentially her family, and they victim blamed her when she needed their support the most and threw her out with nothing and nowhere to go

and i had already done quests with the shatter-shields before this, so like, i know them too, and they’re sort of friends to me, i helped solve the mystery of their other daughter’s murder and now I’m being asked to kill the other. not to mention everyone’s going to think the butcher’s back/there’s a copycat killer/something and it’s gonna cause a panic again (even if the game doesn’t acknowledge that/directly show that happening, y’know) 

killing someone’s daughter when they’re still in mourning over the first, when they’ve come to trust you, when you’re the one who helped them gain closure over that first death already, is just. a stone cold thing to do

especially looking at it from my character’s perspective, she’d be especially torn on this because she’s a mother herself, but her children are girls she rescued from the streets - lucia was thrown away by her family, sofie was a victim of tragedy and was let down by the people in authority who should have protected and helped her

so medea would relate to tova as a mother and a friend but also relate powerfully with muiri as a victim in this

ultimately i don’t think there’s any real justification to kill nilsine here, i dont think you can really morally defend that, but. i was so drawn to muiri and wanted so badly to give her a shot at a better life and help her heal from all this, and knew she would become a marriage option if i did it bc id seen her name on the marriage options list before, her story fits in so well with medea’s, and like, i dont imagine im gonna have a lot of options for wives who would Know about my connection to the dark brotherhood/the things ive done and be okay with it, so if i went with her, there wouldn’t be a “keeping this horrible secret from my wife” aspect to deal with even though the game probably doesn’t acknowledge it if you do (i mean im still. keeping it from my kids, but. y’know. when they’re older)

and “talk this out with her and help her see how badly her mind’s been warped by the pain she’s been through” isn’t an option given to you, so

in the end i went through with it. killing alain was easy, just like any other bandit camp raid, but to get at nilsine without being caught, i had to sneak into their house when the family was asleep

which i expected would involve a lot of careful sneaking and laborious lock picking

until i realized i could just walk right in

because the door was already unlocked for me. because they consider me a friend and allow me into their home

and that somehow made it so much worse

i killed nilsine with an arrow, nobody heard a thing, and i ran for it before anyone saw me in there or realized what had happened

muiri gave me a special ring as a “symbol of her affection” for doing this, which i think is about the biggest sign i coulda hoped for lmao

i held off on considering marriage for the time though and finally decided i had to go back to windhelm to see if there was anything i could do to make amends to the shatter-shields even though they shouldn’t know it was me/make sure i didnt get seen by a guard without realizing it or something (though it wouldn’t probably matter anyway, guards saw me leave the orphanage immediately after grelod’s death and shrugged that off, so,)

my name’s still clear in windhelm, but...

tova committed suicide after she discovered what happened

she couldn’t cope with losing another daughter

so now the father is the only one left, coping with. the death of his entire family occurring within like a couple months

i didnt see what happened here i came back later so i dont know if this is something you can possibly stop or if its possible to witness the moment they find nilsine or tova’s suicide or if this just Inevitably happens whenever you come back

i feel terrible about this but theres. not really any going back now,

so. i went back to muiri

i dont know if this is what everyone says or not but her response was just. “i mean, yeah, why wouldn’t I be” i love her lmao

i wouldnt choose to get married in riften if it was up to me but thats how it be in skyrim i guess

my babies are here!!!! what!!!!

and a. random guy i dont recognize lmao :’)

just wandered in to see what was going on i guess. or maybe we’re friends and i forgot who he is entirely which would be kind of sad :’ )

maybe it was my long lost father... slipped out before i ever had the chance to realize it

however i actually. ended up doing this scene twice because, fun fact, there’s a glitch where if you don’t manage to catch up to your spouse to talk about where to live before they leave the chapel they can just fucking Disappear sometimes, :’  ) i couldnt find her anywhere after the wedding and finally looked it up and apparently she just fell into the void so i had to reload and run it again. we’re double married now

planned better this time and dressed better but anyway that elf guy didn’t appear this time but some other guy did, who i ALSO cant quite identify, he looks. maybe. kind of like lucas valerian? who is actually a friend to me and was one of the first friends i made so it’d decently make sense for him to come to my wedding, but weird if he came and camilla didn’t, and im not even sure thats him anyway, so i dont know what happened here all around

muiri’s mentor lady came too though which was sweet

im spinning this kind of as... like, medea was so drawn to her and felt so strongly for her she couldn’t bring herself to disappoint her and this was an eye opener for them both as a kind of. “look what kind of people we’ve let ourselves become” and their marriage as a new beginning, love coming from a place of desperation and darkness, starting over and hoping that the divines will forgive what they’ve done

medea’s not leaving the brotherhood but i mmmmmight try to be a little more careful about who i kill

i had intended for her to come live with me in markarth, she’s in on my. assassin life so having kind of this Other Side to my life made sense but... she met my kids at the wedding i guess and she wanted to live with them... which is really cute,

it feels really weird having this huge fancy house all to myself (and uh. argis, i guess) in markarth and having my wife and kids (and lydia, and a fox) all squished into the honestly kinda run-down whiterun house though i think im gonna work on getting the solitude house for them bc its. safer there than in markarth i feel like and ive heard thats like the fanciest/biggest house

there she is..... my Wife

she also sells things now but i feel bad accepting it when she gives me “my share” of the profit like.... babe thats your money i have so much adventuring money and i didnt do shit to help earn that,

i buy things from her sometimes but i refuse to sell her stuff bc i dont want to take any more of her money :’ )

even tho it. doesnt really matter, its video games, i know, but

found lucia, the fox, and muiri all on the bed at once

lydia was just standing like this for a rly long time after muiri moved in i guess she was suspicious but chilled out eventually :’)

gettin along finally

i just realized if we move to solitude lydia’s gonna get left behind though :(

i mean ill still come visit her but. upsetting

my one issue is that muiri still keeps saying “thank you for solving my-....problem.” every time i come in speaking distance of her which is. weird given that its the same line she had before we were married, like, she apparently doesnt get any new things to say, and is Really repetitive (imagine living in a small space with your partner and they say the same sentence with the same intonation every time you step within like 2 feet of them. how long til that gets old, do you think, ) and also its just like??? girl let that go we gotta stop dwelling on this or the kids are gonna start questioning what apparently massively important problem mommy solved

idk why she was laying on the floor but anyway my kids have started calling her “mama” now too and im not crying or anything

#lucy plays skyrim #this actually happened. a while ago but i forgot this post in my drafts bc i didnt want to deal with proofreading it lmao #Nobody Cares Except Me but my skyrim character's life is important business ok #i think im gonna marry sadri on my khajiit file eventually. he was like. my second choice/'If I Had To Pick A Dude' #and that way my dad will stop asking if my character's married anyone yet lmao i can be like o yea i married sadri #little does he know my main file is a woman with a wife and my male character's gonna have a husband. technically im not lying #hoping he wont ask to see how my house is coming along or anything lmao

[yoshi-p]

everyone and their dog is doing it and everyone is absolutely allowed to share their opinions so i want a turn but first let me clarify:

hello im yase, been around since 1.0. I am of turkish and nogai descent and i can speak fluently in tatar, turkish but my english doesn’t hold 100% so i will be all over the place.

Unfortunately this will all be word of mouth and may be taken as vague posting, but I have experienced issues since the release of 4.0 and would like to give my opinions. I want to let this all off my chest this is just a huge vent basically so i guarantee my english will be terrible.

the most important point: NEVER EVER SPEAK FOR ANOTHER CULTURE. NEVER EVER SPEAK ABOUT A CULTURE YOU DON’T KNOW. YOU HAVE SPREAD FALSE INFORMATION AND I AM SO HURT.

another point is ITS A VIDEO GAME GUYS (does not apply to everything but some people really need to take a step back because people are concerned.)

Here’s the hot topic I’ll talk of first: garleans. I personally do not play one as I prefer to play characters that would never be involved in a sense with the political agenda because in real life im too stupid to comprehend anything like that so i wouldn’t even know how my character would behave with the hot topics. I really do think people need to take a step back and see that everyone who is putting in their input is making solid points but personally I would never compare them to nazi germany though I see why people are generalising. I always saw it as tsardom of russia with the use of roman influence as well, something obvious in naming conventions and the way the ranks/monarchy(?) works but it’s not so clear what the main influences of most places in this game if you have a look at the bigger picture. Without like full on spoiling, its weird to have this view to me with the knowledge that ascians are behind this. Are you implying anyone who plays or was influenced by ascians is also under this umbrella? 

Also why THE HELL WOULD YOU TAG SOMETHING KNOWING IT WOULD GET A LOT OF TRACTION AND RESPONSE THEN BE LIKE “you guys misunderstood, I was expressing my feelings” lol no. “ I don’t understand where this is coming from, and at this point, I don’t really want to.” then why did you even fucking bother do it in private dont tag it.

You are COMPLETELY valid to feeling uncomfortable, it is fine because with how much of this world we have there will be aspects some of us don’t like. You are not inclined to involve yourself with someone if they roleplay as a garlean but you do not need to start publicising it in a way that will paint the community in black and white when its truly a wider spectrum.

YOU CHOOSE WHO YOU INVOLVE YOURSELF WITH AND WHO YOU PLAY WITH, PLEASE GET AWAY FROM PEOPLE WHO GIVE YOU NEGATIVE FEELINGS OR YOU’LL SPREAD IT TO OTHERS.

from that initial and very brief tagged post there popped up many others and new discourse is arising, opening discussions about many things which is better then being blind to it all. but if you have personal grievances with someone and you state its over, let it be over. It’s not healthy behaviour. it’s also troubling to see someone complain a lot about the game and continue to play, no one is forcing you or holding a gun to your head. take breaks if you need to and play less frequently. like, real life is so much more important and there are people in this community that prioritise relationships with players etc.

Also, please stop fucking talking about mongolian/turkic/turkish culture like you know things. 99% of the big mouths in this community are americans. like majority are white americans. 

over the course of this expansion i have had many people of varied backgrounds share with me some terrible experiences and i myself have seen some truly stupid shit. 

WE ARE HERE TO HELP YOU LEARN OF OUR CULTURE AND WHERE TO CONTINUE DOING SO. DO NOT INTERPRET MEDIA AS ACCURATE REPRESENTATION OF CULTURE.

it is absolutely not hard to tag a post and ask around, someone will pop up. I’ve been doing my very best to let everyone i know that i can help with learning about my culture or to find someone who would be more then happy to explain and share with other cultures. But when you go off of a documentary you saw of Genghis khan or only know of the tourist white people scenes of istanbul you as a community say some TRULY dumb shit.

I like to try and be patient because i myself when approaching someone of a culture i admire and am curious about i want that in turn. But if you say to me things like “Ainu aren’t real” or “Tatar people have nothing in common with tribes from the Altai mountains” its hard to do so.

FFXIV regions are not just “Germany” “Turkey” “Mongolia”. If you think this, it’s clear to me you don’t know shit and are too lazy to explore, further just google shit its not that hard. I had someone tell me that my people could never be in this game since its “Straight up mongolia” fucks sake NO ITS NOT. The designs vary and i can see the differences in simple things like words because i actually bother to do research even coming from a turkic culture. There were some beautiful little things dropped that linked to not only my people but others like Uyghur and Altai. The only place in FFXIV i think could only have a singular influence is Kugane, because from a foreigner’s perspective that’s already interesting enough. Many people have grievances and real issues with how SE has handled Doma’s influences and no one ever talks about that. Representation for asia in media has turned into this mess of specific east asian countries, the trio that even then gets categorized into China/Japan with brief mentions of Korean culture. 

Its frustrating. There are people who are happy to teach you. Who are willing to show what is wrong with the picture.

I have read several posts about Turkey/istanbul/Antalya. Yall fuckin weird you guys seem to think its in U.A.E or some shit with how you act. It’s in the Mediterranean/Europe/Asia/Middle East and there is no such thing as a specific looking Turkish person. You claim everyone is specifically white/brown, HELL NO. It’s a mixed nation and that’s the history of the land, if you had ever fucking stepped in turkey and spoke to any person on the street they’ll say their heritage that lead them to there. People claim Ala mhigo’s influences are turkey but i have yet to see that. As someone who has lived there and has heritage there and is strongly connected to that culture, i dont see it. sure the ala mhigan gown had patternings but thats also present in my nogai culture too because parts of turkey’s society descended from the line of the Kayi tribe. Just fucking LEARN TO READ GUYS. None of you guys even know what the altai mountains mean and i could sit and explain over and over again if you let people SPEAK.

Look at Thavnairian items. We have outfits that are completely different, a full length dress and then a bustier. you can’t start generalising things in video games to be one culture you have to realise most places in this game have several influences. We don’t know a lot but everything we have been given has been varied enough to pin point it to ONLY one influence.

I don’t want to just keep going about this simply because im growing frustrated.

The thing with Viera complaints. I think some are valid but some are stupid. For one as I make this post it hasn’t even been confirmed so there is no reason for policing Viera to a severe extent. Considering all the Ivalice content in game has been an alternate universe kind of thing its dumb as shit. But feol viera being made without understanding the knowledge that people who have played rw picked up is quite frustrating. As a community, its important to help people when we have information that others may need that they cant understand the context of.

I know people are worried about them being fetishized, that is my legitimate fear too as a huge ivalice fan. But this is a repeated cycle especially when we consider generalizations like miqo’te especially seekers and belly dancing or when au ra arrived and people thought xaela were genghis khan basically. 

The game is not solid, there are so many holes in the lore and the plots and i know people hate that but we fill the gaps with our own opinions and theories. While I understand some people think we need to move forward in 2019 because “japan is xenophobic”, its a very difficult thing to do. THEY DO HIRE PEOPLE FOR CULTURE ADVISING. THEY TRAVEL OFTEN AND DEVELOP WITH THIS. IT’S NOT LIKE THEY WENT ON GOOGLE AND SAID “yeah a japan land would be fun” they literally have people hired specifically for this stuff. however, at the end of the day its a company that has yet to show it can evolve with the times. Its becoming more and more evident with the recent patterns of main titles in FF and side projects having so many issues in story/lore/management. remember 1.0 basically died being absolute garbage and this is salvaged from that.

its really late and i had a terrible evening so i may not be making the most sense but theres more important things to worry about then to make this game a miserable experience when it could be a huge learning opportunity for everyone. There’s no need to generalise people into categories because of characters they choose to develop but its important to note with majority of people standing up higher on the pedestal are those speaking for the minorities groups that have direct influences in the game.

also lol if you fucking say ainu aren’t real to me one more time i will fucking throttle you

#this ended up being ramblings which i seem to make monthly lol

[sirensongster]

consider: aziraphale putting a flower crown on crowley and like- arranging his hair so it falls perfectly that night he spent hours reading flower books so that he could choose the prettiest flowers to put on his demon boyfriend's head

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my god. oh my god. i love this. fuck yes. flower crown crowley. upgrade to this: its the night of their wedding. so instead of a veil crowley gets a FLOWER CROWN.yes he is the bride. anathema helped him pick out the dress and its just lovely. its got long sleeves and it’s white like a traditional wedding dress. aziraphales in black. they wanted to wear eachothers colours for this and their wings are out the whole ceremony. crowleys in heels. this is off the rails quite a lot but FUCK IT THAT DOESNT MATTER. its wedding time bitches. oh yeah no one really “officiates” the wedding, the papers are done before hand. they just wanted a party but are they going to bring in a priest? no. fuck that. anathema is where the priest normally is because they dont actually know more than four humans! like who the fuck else was going to do it, shadwell???? no! oh yeah and the them (excluding pepper) are the flower boys and pepper gets to be the ring bearer, because who trusts an 11 year old boy with two blessed/cursed rings? oh yeah ring time bitch. aziraphales ring is a black snake with yellow eyes thats cursed to tighten every time crowleys scared/hurt/in trouble, and crowleys is a set of wings, blessed to tighten whenever aziraphale is scared/hurt/in trouble. and the fact that theyre blessed/cursed just makes it better because theyre immune to blessings/curses/holy water/hell fire respectively, while those who are actually a threat to them arent. its like a tiny reminder of “hey. come closer and you’re probably going to die. fuck off gabriel.” when they kiss at the whatever the fuck its called (altar?? podium??? stand???????? help.) they put their wings in the way. aziraphale ends up with a feather in his hair but thats ok. the reception is fucking incredible, they end up just all going to crowleys flat bc its sure as hell big enough and what would they even rent out?? theres nothing *in* tadfield. and its not like they want to miracle everyone somewhere, they dont want to attract the attention of heaven OR hell. especially not during their wedding, while crowleys in a long fuck off dress that he probably wont be able to run in very well. ANYWAYS. when they get to crowleys flat theres just. so much liquor. and punch for the kiddos. the thems parents dont exactly approve of the fact that theres literally a barrels worth of vodka while theres children but ok i guess. its not like the kids are going to drink any or the adults are going to do more than a shot or two before the kids leave. the kids do end up leaving at like 7, and most of the party time was just old stories that humans dont have anymore, odd stories of shenanigans they got up to in rome (not anything dirty, hell most of the stories theyre not even together in. theres about 30 minutes of aziraphale just talking about what he did while crowley was hibernating for a century.) after the them are gone everyone just goes fuckin BONKERS. everyone who was at armageddon was invited because they all definitely kept in touch, but thats it. again, these two are the top hermits in all of history. they just fucked around most of history not bothering much with befriending humans. crowley did pay more attention in the human relations part of things but does he ever talk to them again after a temptation? no. no he does not. so theres only like 6 adults. and god are they all hammered. all but madame tracy are light weights. the humans anyways, these two have been heavy drinkers for millennia. aziraphale and crowley drank at least 10x what a human could possibly drink before getting alcohol poisoning and dying. that does not mean they have a tolerance at all. they just get really funny between the 3rd drink and whenever they decide to stop. and cuddly. crowley doesnt stop touching aziraphale the whole time. not even in a sexual way at all hes just like. sitting in his lap. or being carried. or playing with ziras wing bc GOD ARE HIS FEATHERS SOFT. zira doesnt take care of them well though so crowley ends up just silently sitting behind zira and putting all the feathers where they should be an all that while zira goes off about cake or something. anathema finds this adorable. probably because she cant stop laughing her ass off at everything. [newt brought weed brownies. anathema ate like 4. the new husbands arent gonna let her die or end up in the hospital though. shell bee fine.] I FORGOT TO TALK ABOUT THE CAKE. its really cheesy. it does have white icing like a traditional wedding cake, but the inside is pink. like its just pink from food colouring. its just a vanilla cake dyed pink. now you may be thinking, whos idea was it to make the cake PINK? crowleys. crowley wanted a pink cake. no one but aziraphale knows this. aziraphale finds it really really cute. everyone else thinks it was aziraphales doing but NOPE. its also got lil angel and demon cake toppers but its not of them, no. theyre store bought. crowley thought it would be funny and aziraphale went with it. (he secretly also found it funny, but also found it inappropriate to laugh at it.) theres no professional photographer, aziraphale didnt really want to involve more humans in this than their friends, and its not like most of their memories together have been documented at all. photos have only been around like 200ish years, thats nothing in the face of 6 millennia. this does not however, stop anathema and newt from taking a million pictures on their phones. at least they have the sense to not take pictures when crowley starts crying. though its not like thye could get a good picture of that anyways, wings are really easy to hide behind when theyre that big. oh shit i really went off the rails on this one but thats ok. ive a feeling no one really minds. oh yeah the actual fuckin wedding is in crowleys greenhouse. its impossibly big. and logically should not fit in the flat at all. that one was somewhat hard to explain to beelzebub, but its not like they really care that much. they were just curious as to what the FUCK one demon could do with a greenhouse of all things. they did not get an answer. just a flower pot to the face and a run away demon. beelz wasnt even all that mad just suprised like the audacity of that mother fucker. anyways. the (altar?? podium?? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING CALLED I STILL HAVENT FIGURED IT OUT AND ITS BEEN 5 MINUTES) was literally grown. its like a flower bush (more like two) that were grown in an arc. crowley did not clear much space for this at all, just the isle and enough chairs for everyone. not that he moved plants for those. just put chairs on top of short plants. the thems parents were really really fuckin confused as to “what the hell?? how did they do this. what.” but stayed because no one else seemed to be bothered much by it, the kids were like ‘same shit as always’ and the grooms seemed happy about this. it was a hassle to actually get to the chairs without stepping on the plants though. and didrie (is that how its spelled??? adams mom.) swears she saw some of the plants trembling when the petals were thrown. she also swears that the bride has snake eyes?? crowley doesnt wear his sunglasses the whole time so all the lights are a bit dimmed, not quite to the point that the humans cant see but if they were any lower it might have been a bit of a problem. especially with all of the mother fucking VINES. why are there vines all over the place crowley?? he does not have an answer. he may have gone over board a few years ago and just. leaves them there. theyre not hurting anybody. SPEAKING OF CROWLEYS SNAKE FEATURES! crowley ends up stammering and hissing through his vows. aziraphale finds this adorable. look at my hissy idiot. i love him. thats all that goes through ziras head. eventually he just lifts his wing so no one can see and kisses him because they both know crowley isnt goign to be able to say it in the next ten minutes. oh yeah their vows are done in latin. because what else would they do it in? also they bless/curse one another in their vows. because it cant hurt them, and its like the rings from earlier. no one with intent to harm them can touch them now without being burned by the blessing/curse. anyone. it can bee beelzebub or gabriel or some human, theyre getting burned. zira lets crowley finish the curse before kissing him obviously. all humans but anathema are confused by this, anathema learned latin as a teenager to better be able to understand occult books. she regrets the fact that she can understand them because theyre being very very lovey dovey and she thinks they did it in latin so no one would be able to understand them. so she just stands there and ends up with her face red as a tomato by the time they’re done. newt is kinda concerned and very confused because “what just happened??? i know that was vows. i think.”

#i really went ham on this one. #im not sorry. #ineffable husbands #asks #this is just what happens now when im asked about good omens. #i know you were talking about a flower crown and then i went off the rails but you know what? this is fine. #oh yeah aziraphale blesses the crown to never wilt so crowley can have it on as long as he likes. #which is like. #a month. #but a flower crown doesnt quite look right in his normal suit.

[loyalbreed]

      Cent has decided to back away for the time being; because he feels that it is effecting people he has come to appreciate. That he doesnt know how to return such kindness that was given to him in full. And much like the beginning when the catfish thing first happened, he is overwhelmed and doesnt know where to begin to reach out to people. Again like the beginning, the only people who spoke to him about it wanting an answer. Were the people directly effected by it? Myself included, versus people who just kept using it against him?          The Catfish thing was resolved and ended well between many people who were effected actually. The person who owns the blog that is being linked about him is scrambling to delete it since it was kept by her and a lot of others. To make sure it was out there that what had done, did happen. And that it wasn't over looked either; the fact Cent asked to keep that blog up. Should be important notion alone over who he is as a person. It was not to be brought up negatively again and used as a tool to populate someones obsession and anger over him. Since it seems to continue to happen by the same people staring a new issue every so often when he has people comfortably having fun with him. Which makes me upset because it seems that if a community is happy; unhappiness needs to happen.

        I do not like long posts--and honestly this didnt stay short. But I want say how upset I am this happens again. Considering I was one of the close to him when Cent Catfished; its really stupid to see people who had nothing to do with him at the time. Bring this up as if they were really the ones effected most directly from it? Further you are bringing up bad feelings that many people have already come to let sit on their chest and deal with ultimately.        To further delve into my own sense of okay this post is about me, even though this isnt. I need you all to know how Call Out Culture is ineffective and Bad. From my stand point with my experience I want to leave you with a short burst of information about myself and how we handle it along with DCF, a separate government branch, DDS, and her therapists.         My sister is severely mentally disabled. For the rest of our lives we will be taking care of her. She cannot wash herself. She thinks that Star Scream from Transformers is real and often comes to talk to her. I told her once she couldnt date a toaster as a joke, and she threw the toaster at me screaming about it. She really thinks star scream is attractive, and often details herself with obsessions with Aliens and outer space. She thinks God is evil-- because God made her this way. And cant understand why that is a sad thing to say. She just gets frustrated; frustrated is her essence of living. And acting out on it is how she is derived of.          To continue, she has pushed me down stairs. Abused me. Told me to die. Tried killing me several times. Has emotionally abused my little brother to the point we have a separate staff of people in and out of our house for him.           This is nearly every day for me; every day it is. Is kayla alright? did she do something? Did she hurt someone? did she hurt herself? no? Good good. Today was a good day.          How is this relevant toward this situation and pertaining toward things going on; the thing is rather then take my sister out of the house considering how constant this is. The government stresses on keeping her in the home and helping us all as a whole keep together. When a break is needed; and it can be afforded. She goes into Respite Program where she leaves for a week or so. She is actually going to one soon, and is very excited because they are going to go out a lot!            To reiterate the government keeps disabled individuals who may be a threat to the family within the home. With emergency issues and things that need happen--and yes when she says she wants to kill you she means it. As someone she has tried to I can say that much alright.           To make a point; People who are an issue you do not merely remove them and or kick them out. Indeed themes need be addressed and if their are serious manners of which Pedophila is being actually done then we and you. Need to contact police enforcement. They will take you seriously; it is a serious endeavor. You can involve Tumblr Staff as well, there are channels to pull with if there is something volatile that need be addressed. I implore you to. Yet often times it seems when posts are made, the latter is true.              To highlight the issues where, Cent condones or romanticizes these things that are being said. If you read these rules it is not the case. He states that he will participate in these things but does not want just anyone asking him. Nor does he want anyone shipping with the character as he doesnt understand why it is you would? It is weird to think that from these text alone you would take context otherwise-- Especially knowing before this post was presented. Cent talked about how on his Bel blog he doesnt want to make people feel like his Bel is pushing on them or making them uncomfortable. And that he would never participate in noncon. Or that on King Arthur; he does not do any of these themes what so ever. That these themes are only present on the villainous character he does not even participate in roleplaying anymore.              To round this over; it is getting upsetting seeing how this is effecting one another when the general idea is ‘ i just want to be happy and want people to talk/do things with.’ Rather then ‘ i want nothing to do with this person. ‘ So many people are stressed out and want to talk to cent. Reach out to Cent. But are constantly being told otherwise; its sad and im happy to know that people exist out there that know in actuality how dealing with problems work. Versus adhering the idea that you need kick someone out.                    I fear those people. Because i fear letting my sister do something around someone and someone not understanding and condoning her for it when they only have a minuscule of the story. Seeing as people cant even understand someone who makes sense how would you understand someone like my sister? Its cool you can say now ‘ oh But no we arent talking about that. ‘ Yet the only reason why you can feel this way is because you know the story behind my sister, many of you dont know anything about Cent save for interacting with him and that he makes you laugh.          So Im going to Tell you one thing about Cent that for me now that you know my story makes me happy to share.           Seeing that Cent came out from such a bad place, being such a bad person, doing such horrible things but choosing to do better made me believe in others again. It made me believe that even if my sister does all the things she does. There is always a spot and place for her to truly come about and make a better decision too. True, Cent is a more able bodied man and isnt disabled like my sister. But its just the fact that he does and he could and he can. That makes me believe anyone can.           It makes me feel like no matter who you were in the past; you can always chose to be better then that. And no matter how many times or who wants to believe who you are in the past dictates who you are in the future. Wont ever mean as much; That anyone despite the things they have done can always chose to be a better person then what they had been. And cent really does solidify that fact. As someone who knew him from the time as a cat fished. That got catfished by him. Literally back stabbed by him. Only to come down and talk again as friends.                   I feel like I get to say that not anyone else, and Im really glad to be able to say that lmao. He is my closet friend and will always remain to be.             I don’t mind if you feel you do not want to talk to me or think I romanticize his issues as someone who has gone through so much. So much and more, you would not begin to understand. I feel you are more then welcome to believe that but I know there are people who talk to him and know what he does and feels the same. And are comfortable with the rounded world they have created with friends.              And I really ( SHOUNEN VOICE ) I really just believe in people--people change. And Cent makes me realize that this is possible. And you cant just remove people out of your life thinking they wont. And because I know better and because I am an adult with my head well on my shoulders. I can make that decision, i understand if you cannot yet or are afraid or uncertain. I implore you to keep yourself safe just know that some of us feel chill. and we are all alright btw!! So dont feel like we are being attacked or manipulated by cent. 

But I insist you stop thinking that trying to get rid of someone is going to solve an issue. People continue living and breathing every day regardless of what you think or want to happen? No one is ignoring the issues or ignoring the fact that stuff happened if you are scared or uncertain as well about them feel free to add me and we can always group convo and you can let your feelings bare. Or anyone really? just be mindful and fair?

This isnt going to make Cent come back i really just feel like. I want these feelings to be known and that if you are ever called out personally I will gladly give you a chance of your own. I can only hope to god, that he would give that chance to my sister one day if something happened. And to anyone and everyone, as well as  teach other people that everyone deserves that much.

#「✱《 𝓢 𝓱 𝓮 s p e a k s 》 ᵒ ᵒ ᶜ」 #This is indeed about what you think it is #so its under read more #though i apologize to mobile users #i ask that you no need to comment on this and not #i merely wish for this to be as it is and if the other party who has started the issue continues #they can continue to comment on it as it seems to effect them the most in current #otherwise iwish to just let this be known #somewhere

[8eht]

q - u? :)

 q: how do you feel about collaborations?

i don’t have too much of an opinion on it, to be completely honest. im pretty particular about what i like reading though, so if their writing styles differ too much i won’t be able to enjoy it really.

with that being said, i give lots of props to those who actually collab w others bc im so picky abt my writing and have extremely specific ideas and if details aren’t described exactly how i imagined it in my head it causes me so much anxiety and distaste for it and askfhaskjfhasfkja. so it must really be difficult and i rly respect those are able to achieve that type of teamwork i could never tbh

r: are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

the first writer that comes to mind is tahereh mafi. i know her style is def not for everyone and neither is mine so sajkfhaskjf. feelinggenious on wattpad actually wrote a post about why they don’t like her style and expressed the reason being is that its “written in a chaotic, hallucinating-ish, journal style that’s oozing and overflowing of metaphors” and that ppl may find its a “lump of metaphors and horrid imagery” n binch thats exactly why i aspire to be on her level someday asfjhsfjhasfk. but i love it so much tho!! and thats exactly how i would want mine to be described as tbh

another person that stands out is tabitha suzuma. i’ve only read one book by her, but i remember ppl on goodreads reviewing it and saying its like 418 pages of poetry. she brings out so so so much emotion and all of her characters (even the younger children) are so three dimensional and they honestly felt like real people to me. the story is so so traumatic and hard to read, but i, at least, went thru so so so many strong emotions and sadness and happiness throughout the entire book. not many writers can do that to me and i admire her so so so so much. she took an extremely taboo subject and made it so you actually feel for the characters involved. i wont mention the book due to reasons but if anyone is interested u can message me or w/e!! 

and lastly, i mention her literally every moment of my life and she really is my biggest muse ??? i guess but its nicole dollanganger. she a songwriter which is technically a writer so i think she counts. not many ppl have heard of her bc she basically just came from bandcamp. but she’s been described as being like lana del rey but with way scarier and more horrific lyrics. i listen to a lot of her songs when i write to keep me going tbh. but i wouldnt rec her music to anyone who can be triggered by v*ol*nce and etc!! so keep that in mind

ask me more fanfic q’s!!!

s: any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

i love angsty bffs who are secretly in love with each other but are too much of stubborn and frightened buttholes they never say anything. so they always fight and get jealous and wow … im so weak for this d*mb shit. hmmm also practice kissing tropes and hurt/comfort and ajkdhaskfjasf. im boring ok i know this dont tell me

t: any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

ok so theres not many that i CANT stand, but theres a lot i literally have no interest in. i rly am against anything obviously problematic or gross. so theres that. but in terms of just popular tropes that im not into ??? anything paranormal (which is hilarious bc i love anything else paranormal n that includes books but for some reason in fanfics i just ??? cant do it.) however there have been a few that i love so i wouldnt disregard a fic completely jsut bc it has supernatual elements. i wouldnt disregard a dystopian fic tho maybe. idk wuts wrong with my brain and why it chooses some things and not others aksjfhasfkasf. but anything thats not everyday boring basic ass shit i usually cant get into it rip

so yeah. theres actually way more bc im so so so so picky af to the point where its disgusting brtywgasfjk

u: share three of your favorite fics writers and why you like them so much.

IM CHEATING !!! ok so instead of writers im gonna go w three of my fave fics bc thats easier for me.

1. letters (things unspoken) was the first fic i ever read that i really, really loved. its super heavy and so so sad so be warned if u wanna check it out. listen i didnt just tear up reading this ok. i straight up sobbed like a lil annoying binch and it really really broke my heart and wow. it involves d**th so. and its monsta x fyi

2. when i get weary of the sky is unbelievable. i havent read it in such a long time so i even forget a lot of it but i remember it being so incredible and well-written and asofhasufohas. im not gonna try to get into my reasoning bc as i said its been quite some time since ive read it and i dont want to give it an improper description. but anyway its abt pentagon!

3. desperate inhales;; relaxed exhales is shortish but its so good omg. im surprised it wasnt written by me tbh bc the author has a similar writing style as i do imo. its everything i could ask for in a fic i think. and wow its actually a svt centered fic amazing. which is wild bc 98% of the fics i read are seventeen related but yet 2/3 of the ones i mentioned are writers for different groups oops

idk why but i feel embarrassed if any of these writer have a tumblr and follow me but prob not and idek why i care but im such a shy awkward bean afhjksjkaf

#jacksinn #i put some under the cut bc it got way tooooo lengthy lmao #tysm for asking !!! ily !!! #💕💖💕💖💕💖 #THIS IS SO HECKING LOVE IM SORRY #*long #i talk too much if u havent noticed #angel things.txt #replies #not 17

[yfczangel777]

just to vent into the void here; 

on the previous post about ppl being offput by a fave if mine...I love this character soso much and like also we are a shit ton alike... like I hardcore self project onto him and GET him cuz our personality and frequently our way of speaking and our handling mental illness is spot on the same. Hasnt always been the nicest or healthiest for either of us but being able to fix and reconcile and learn to handle it better through loving action w him made me happy for him and also had a certain level of self comfort because we basically the same bitch lol. And people were saying how they didnt like when he got into his dark place for a bit and it was 'uncomfy' or threw them off the character as a whole or made him 'problematic' or smth and I'm just here like "um ouch :*) " cuz thats me bitch lol and also like that image of the lady holding the grown man and telling ppl off for that character

And like not to make excuses for either of us but like I dont think he was problematic? Maybe cuz I understand on a personal level? Like he did some things that weren't very kind when he was hurting but they weren't that bad and he did it out of what he felt was necessity and apologized later??

And fr like that wasnt even so bad. He self isolated and told the player "Idc if it hurts your feelings, I cant be close with you" and to stop having feelings for him cuz he wasnt worth it. Like?????

And like once during a literal time crunch life or death situation while also in the heat of his darkest place and having had a lot of fuked up shit revealed to him he purposefully broke a little robot that wouldn't be quiet and that was his own property at the time... not the players... because he hadnt given it to the player yet (later he fixes it and gives it as a gift)

He kept tabs on where you were and got worried if he didnt see you because a man had literally just crashed through your window and tried to abduct you and would have succeeded if he hadnt gotten there just in time. And it was clear that none of this was over and theres a target on your back still. He wasn't being controlling or unreasonable he was trying to keep you safe from very real danger.

Yes he told you off for a bit once meeting face to face. Yes he told you your feelings toward him were wrong and he was going to keep blocking you out so stop trying and just move on with your life and forget him. And if you didnt your feelings would be hurt and that's your own fault cuz he told you to back off.

That wasnt nice if him but it was preserving his own vulnerable heart and also your safety. This character is not your average dude. His lifestyle is literally ACTUALLY deadly dangerous. Hes taught time and again he isnt allowed to have friends ir family let alone a lover. He eludes to the fact that they HAVE forced him to uproot everything and drop everyone and change his whole identity more than once. And due to his field of work people who are close to him can be used against him and are in literal life threatening danger by association. The chatroom was supposed to be arms distance enough but he got attached to everyone there anyways. And then you came and he fell for you hard. It wasnt ever supposed to happen that way so he went all weird and denied it out of panic and nessecity... once you were in danger he cared for you so he had to go help you and you met face to face which was WAY more than he ever intended to happen and also exposed him way more to catching deeper and deeper feelings. But here he was desperately trying to do damage control because he knows that people dear to him get hurt or killed. And he loves you.. so as much as it hurts he has to try to keep you away to keep you SAFE

All of this is literal... like not just that he thinks hes a bad person and will hurt you.... like literally you are in real physical danger from being associated with him. And this is evidenced and proved throughout the story. And he blames himself for ever even letting you interact with them but like... the poor boy is human jesus christ he needs connection he needs love. It's a mistake he beats himself up over. And so he tries to damage control and get you to move on and forget about him. It kills him the whole time and its evidenced the whole time that he hates having to do this.

And the whole time the worst he tells you is he doesn't care if you get a hurt heart because you wont leave him alone when he tells you to. (Spoiler alert.. that's a lie! He cares a lot but you need to be safe from involvement in his dangerous life)

And the whole time I noticed its actually even an EXCESSIVE thing he does(it's a nice thing tho) that he does nothing but call you a good and wonderful person who deserves happiness and that needs to be safe and keep living because you are so good and so bright and so kind

But him and his life will never allow your safety, so you cant be with him for your protection.

He never stops with how nice you are... how good you are... how much you need to be in this world and be safe because you add light to the world.

Even when hes being cold.. even when hes telling you off

It's always centered around this.

As well as that hes "a dangerous guy" and 'cant keep anything or anyone close'

Putting himself down and lamenting who and what he is.

The breakthrough comes when you finally see the extent of him and the struggles and danger he faces and still wear him down and tell him unwaveringly that: ok you see and understand the danger fully now and you dont care and you want to stick by him even if its dangerous because you love him. And that he doesnt have to go through life alone anymore cuz you'll be there for him no matter what.

And you have to wrestle away from him the notion of 'no I cant let her do this because I love her and want her to be able to live and be safe. It hurts being alone and id love to be able to be with her but I cant cuz if anything happened to her I'd never forgive myself and also she's so great she deserves a normal life where she doesn't have to worry.'

And you have to lovingly assert to him that he can think of himself too... that he doent have to go through life alone because you know the risks and you decided you want to be with him anyways because you love him. That you understand he wants you safe but that was your decision to make and you choose him no matter the dangers... that you will help him and go through it together as a team.

And he struggles because all his life he had to be the action taker, decision maker, and the protector (especially with his brother in childhood) but slowly comes around to the fact that you will be partners... shouldering the burden together while enriching each others lives. That he doesnt have to be the solitary protector of things and people he has come to love despite not having been supposed to in the first place... cuz hes HUMAN. That someone else has seen his situation and his soul laid bare and still said I love you and I'm going to stand with you through this. And learn to let go and let them in and let them share his burden despite being so afraid of doing so and afraid of what could happen to them as a result. Accepting that they made their decision and its theirs to make. And dealing with the fear as well as the relief and strange joy of FINALLY having someone in his life to love and be loved by and to go through things //together//

Like I just dont get how ppl can like tsunderes and even yanderes but then this character is like "pls no ppl get hurt with me and I care for you so you gotta stay away from me for your own good" and they're like... butthurt that he wasn't all peppy and sweet like usual because his life and everything he held dear was legit crumbling around him??? That someone with his past and his current job/living situation took a bit before he could open up and spill his guts to them??? At a job where.. to quote the game itself 'even an offhanded joke can get you killed' ??? Like yall are entitled to your opinions... and thank god this character is fictional or else that would be hella f-ed up of yall but... oof.

#me #rant #vent #if ppl know the character its clear who im speaking of lol #or if ppl have seen my reblogs lately lolol #i have a lot of feelings ok? lol

[i-amusemyself]

All 100 Questions.

Bloody hell okay thank you!!! 😄😄😄

1. Is a kiss considered cheating?Yeah, Id say so.

2. Have you ever faked orgasm?Aint never had anyone to fake it with 😂 Ngl tho its the sort of thing id do (which is terrible i know)

3. If you could have one super power, what would it be?Mind reading.

4. Do you think youre gonna be rich in 7-8-9 years?I’d be worried if I didnt have more money than I have now, but idk.

5. Tell us some funny drunk story?Oh jeez erm, I don’t really have any 😂 My friends occasionally remind me of the time at the school christmas ball one of the business teachers turned up and I quickly ran away while aggressively whispering “oh no he knows im a lesbian, aimee told him”.

6. Why are you no longer together with your ex?We work better as friends, its less stressful.

7. If you had to choose one way to die what would it be?See I’m really torn with this question. Part of me thinks itd be nice just to go in my sleep, with a heart attack or something. Its quick and painless you know.But equally I wonder if it would be better to maybe, like, have something where I knew I was gonna die. Because then I’d have time to try and do everything on my bucket list and say goodbye to everyone. Also maybe at that point I’d welcome death lmao.

8. What are your current goals?Idk? Im waiting on A level results which I really hope I’ve done well in.I hope to make lots of new friends at uni and learn how to look after myself quickly I guess. I dont know.

9. Do you like someone?I like a lot of people 😆

10. Who was the last person to disappoint you?Im really not sure??? There arent many people I expect anything from and even then my standards are pretty low. So like, I dont really get disappointed by people, only occasionally by situations.

11. Do you like your body?I could hate it a lot more, but I wouldnt say I’m happy with my body or general appearance. I struggle a lot with my features and my weight and the scars I have (which is ridiculous but thats what mental illness is)

12. Can you keep a diet?I mean if I wasnt on the diet im on rn (with lots of restrictions) id probs be in hospital 😂

13. If the whole world was listening to you right now, what would you say?Honestly id pass out under the pressure of it 😂 idk, id tell them all to take a chill pill but no one would listen.

14. Do you work?Nah, i had 3 jobs at once last yeah but now I’ve ended up with none.

15. If you could choose only one food to eat for the rest of your life what would it be?Either garlic bread or chocolate I cant decide!

16. Would you get a tattoo?I’m v much planning on getting one in the near future so yh!!

17. Something you dont mind spending all your money on?Plane tickets.

18. Can you drive?Yeah! I havent driven since I passed my test, but hopefully I havent forgotten how to that quickly!

19. When was the last time someone told you youre beautiful?…I cant remember. Thats depressing (not that I blame them).

20. What was the last thing you cried for?Argh I have no idea why I was crying, my brain just wasnt doing its job so everything made me stressed and sad.

21. Do you keep a journal?I keep a blog for diary posts but besides that nah

22. Is life fun?If you allow it to be, yeah

23. Is farting in front of people irrelevant?Tf is that supposed to mean? I guess if you know the person well it is.

24. Whats your dream car?I dont know about Dream Car, id have to research it loads to decide what my absolute fave it. Although rn I’d really love a ‘67 VW beetle bc theyre small and cheap on insurance 😂

25. Are grades in school important?My own grades are super important to me, (to the point its probably unhealthy) but in terms of how the people around me do, it doesnt really matter to me. I mean, I want everyone to do well, but I dont judge people based on it.

26. Describe your crush.She’s funny and all around awesome and interesting and good at deep convos and beautiful and way out of my league.

27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you?The last one I read called The Bell Jar. It was unlike anything I’ve ever read and made me think about a lot of things. Also I related a lot with the main character.

28. What was your last lie?Eh, probably “im fine”.

29. Dumbest lie you ever told?Idk?? I only keep track of the good lies 😉

30. Is crying in front of people embarrasing?It shouldnt be but yeah, I try my best not to.

31. Something you did and are proud of?Umm, idk im p proud of playing basketball and representing my region/training with england. But i quit that so 👏 dicks out for my regrettable decisions 👏

32. Whats your favourite cocktail?Never had one

33. Something you are good at?Annoying people and being clingy 😂 also maths ig

34. Do you like small kids?It depends on the child, the day of the week, the lunar cycle, my menstrual cycle, how hungry I am…Yh legit sometimes I hate them sometimes I love them.

35. How are you feeling right now?Great omg I just got my best friend to watch mamma mia and now shes high on life next to me.

36. What would you name your daughter/son?🤐 there are a couple of names for girls I like and like 2 boys names? But i dont wanna say bc theyre embarrasing.

37. What do you need to be happy?Good company, good food and possibly music.

38. Is there someone you want to punch in the face right now?Theres always at least 3 people I would love to punch 😂

39. What was the last gift you recieved?My best friend got me a necklace and I almost cried its so beautiful

40. What was the last gift you gave?The gift of my company @only-slightly-dangerous 😉😉😉

41. What was the last concert you went to?I went to to see Amber Run in february

42. Favourite place to shop at?Um, as in shop? A place called blue banana probs (england’s hot topic smh)

43. Who inspires you?Kaitlyn Alexander bc they helped me to understand who I am and how I feel and to be loud and proud about it.And Luke Cutforth bc he’s so open about his mental health and struggles with self harm but hes so happy now.

44. How old were you when you first got drunk?18 lmao

45. How old were you when you first got high?It aint happened yet (and i dont really want it to)

46. How old were you when you first had sex?It aint happened yet smh

47. When was your first kiss?As far as im concerned never

48. Something you want to do until the end this year?What….does this mean….? Idk???

49. Is there something in the past you wish you hadnt done?It’s more stuff I wish I had done tbh. I suppose I said things I shouldnt have or got too involved in drama, but you kinda need all that secondary school shit to learn from it

50. Post a selfie.Lmao nah fam

51. Who are you most comfortable around?My best friend by a mile. Privacy who?

52. Name one thing that terrifies you.Abandonment without explanation.

53. What kind of books do you read?Anything non fiction about medicine/being a doctor/disease/psycopaths.Besides that whatever has been recommended.

54. What would you tell your 12 y/o self?1. Youre gay2. You and I both know you arent joking about being “a dude trapped in a girls body” stop laughing it off and confront it.3. Stand up for yourself.4. Chill out.5. Laugh a lot more omg

55. What is your favourite flower?It’s between petunias and roses

56. Any bad habits you have?Not answering peoples messages unless theyre Certain Person A or Certain Person B.

57. What kind of people are you attracted to?Ones that are out of my league and could kick my ass apparently. Also ones that are kind, listen and think a lot I guess

58. What was the last thing you cried for?Already answered

59. Is there something you dont eat? A food that truly disgusts you?I dont eat loads of stuff bc my guts hate me 😂 but besides all that I’m actually the worlds least picky eater. The only thing I dont like is raw tomato. Thats it.

60. Are you in love?I wish

61. Something you find romantic?All the clichés ngl 😂 just anything that says “i love you” or “i was thinking about you” really

62. How long was your longest relationship?Like 4 months? Barely long term.

63. What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex?Oh jeez i hate these theyre so stereotype-y1. Bitching2. Not supporting each other3. ….?

64. What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex?1. Not supporting each other2. Massive egos3. Yelling

65. What are you saving money for?Uni so I dont starve to death!

66. How would you describe your bad side?Hmm, idk, it depends what someone did to get on my bad side. I’d say stubborn, bitter and angry tho usually.

67. Are you actually a good person? Why?I could be wrong but I think so long as someone has morally good intentions they are usually a good person, whether they always succeed or not. So yeah, I like to think I am.

68. What are you living for?My friends and the hope I have for my future.

69. Have you ever done anything illegal?Piracy? Thats it.

70. Do you like your money?….did I type this question wrong or??

71. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally?Okay, the honest answer? Yeah. When I was a lot younger and less mature and someone said something that hurt me, I tried to retaliate with equally hurtful comments. I like to think I wouldnt do that now.

72. Ever sent nudes?Lol no

73. Have you ever cheated on someone?Hell no

74. Favourite candy?All candy hates me 😂

75. Is there a blog you visit everyday or almost every day? Tag them.Yeah @oneshappyplace knows I regularly spam her with notes in search or Quality Memes (im so sorry)

76. Do you play any computer games? Whats ur fave?Nah, as if I have time 😂

77. Favourite TV series?Argh I canny choose? I love the IT Crowd, I love supernatural, I love Sherlock, I love in the flesh…

78. Are you religious? Does God exist?I’m not religious and personally I don’t believe there’s a god or higher power but I could be wrong.

79. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why?The Bell Jar. See 27.

80. What do you think about vegetarians and veganism?I respect it I guess? At one point I was p much a vegetarian until I had to restrict my diet sooo. Tho I could never be one now, let alone a vegan.

81. How long have you been on tumblr?Too long 😂😂😂 Like 3 or 4 years?

82. Do you like chinese food?Love it!

83. McDonalds or Subway?(Never been to subway so) McDonalds.

84. Vodka or Whisky?(Never had whisky so) Vodka.

85. Alcohol or Drugs?(Never had drugs so) Alcohol.

86. Ever been out of your country?I’m currently in the USA so yeah 😂

87. Meaning behind your blog name?It’s p self explanatory and also v true

88. What are you scared of?Abandonment, deep water, knives, toys with battery packs.

89. Last time you were insulted?Ugh, probs like when I met up with a load of school friends for our leaver’s ball.

90. Most traumatic experience?I’d rather not answer that lmao (plus itd take a long time to type)

91. Perfect date idea?Chilling and listening to each other’s favourite songs while coexisting and eating fast food 😂 that or ikea ngl

92. Favourite app on your phone?Tumblr. Even though I hate it, it also keeps me sane.

93. What colour are the walls in your room?White and blue.

94. Do you watch youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber?I love so many youtubers omg. Lukeisnotsexy, mileschronicles, realisticallysaying and filthy frank are faves

95. Share your favourite quote.Pick your fights.

96. What is the meaning of life?To live life to the fullest so youre happy and have minimal regrets. Also to be kind and helpful so even if you dont change the world you might help someone else to.

97. Do you like horror movies?I think….? But I’m not good at watching them alone 😂

98. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened?Eh…again, would rather not answer (we got some nice supressed memories here)

99. Do you feel lucky or special in any way?I’m still totally in awe of how lucky I am to have met my best friend from 3000 miles away. Like, the probability of it was so so slim and yet here we are.

100. Can you keep a secret?I think so yh! It’s something that I consider super important.

[tamiddyinyourcity]

2:15am, my memory is feeling weird.

Can't remember what are daydreams and what actually happened, since I guess my memory tends to get fucked when my stress levels get too high.

I don't even know, whats left to say?

I hope he's okay. That was really really fucked up what happened.

I really wanted things to work out, this is all a lot to process tonight....

Its a shame that our relationship finally got back to a normal level, just to fall down like Dominoes all over again thanks to meddling when theres no point other than to ruin an event for him...... I think its really toxic that his friends did that to him, and i guess i always worry seeing red flags like this pop up in a relationship.

It was nice when he opened up to me like that.... Felt extremely comfortable, i really liked the feeling of hugging him instead of resentment over the other day......

If only we stuck to the rule of "dont get involved with his friends"... it was one thing to just know its too soon, have a separate birthday celebration or hangout with him, and just move on from things. Its a special type of pain, when its me thinking of potential board games or things to bring for his birthday party, and getting booted out for the sake of someone else. (Which if anything, reopened a wound we swore was sealed.....)

Its 2:22am, and according to angel numbers, now is a good time to "manifesting miracles and new auspicious and timely opportunities. Angel Number 222 encourages you to take a balanced, harmonious and peaceful stance in all areas of your life. The message is to keep the faith and stand strong in your personal truths".

......I'm only 40% sure I know what that means, but alright.

Oddly enough, our original breakup, he texted me directly at 2:22am. It was just a petty message, but solidified my stance in "yall are both clowns if yall cant see how weird any of this is to do to me????"

......alright.

I can't really change the past, and well, I definitely am not gonna be speaking to anyone he knows anymore.

Shit, its like....

One second its Christmas, you're getting a wool hat and a nice knit scarf from his mom, you eat dinner with his family, relax, enjoy his company and theirs, bake some cookies, cuddle with eachother, and then promptly bang like animals.

And a mere few days later, you're getting cast aside in the relationship in favor of other people, and are having chest pains in bed; over someone who wouldn't make the right effort for you, or to stand his ground.......

And all your friends are collectively going, "Throw the whole man away, sis!", even though you still sympathize with him to an extent. Even in anger, I was like "Well I get why she wouldn't like me, but it still doesn't hurt any less that I got kicked out, instead of an assertive *just dont show up if you plan to start shit*."

That's what had me the most annoyed, really.

"I don't wanna have to choose between you two", and you still did..... jesus christ.

I'll still be happy for the moments we shared before, but gosh.... jesus christ!

What the fuck, even?

I can't even process tonight at all.

Too many.... emotions, all over the place. Brashness, hostility, tears, whatnot.

And it does hurt to kinda hug someone as they're crying about being sad that the relationship is ending and how they still want to know me, before they go, "I'm not gonna want to see you or talk to you for a long time, and, dont expect me to anytime soon."

You can kinda hear the cracking noise in my chest audibly upon hearing that interesting information.

Big mood flip.

But, in context, it was still somewhat understandable.... But at the same time, not really.

Hell, his only reason for wanting to break up upon seeing me was, "I dunno, I feel bad about dis-inviting you to my birthday party".....

And no other reasons fully stated until the situation just got worse and worse.....

I just.

Of all the outcomes?

.......Context makes it worse, and im not in a place to really talk more.

I just gotta move on. Thats the point. As much as I liked talking to them, and holding them, and other comforts... they simply werent dedicated to me enough, and i felt more into them than they had been into me.

Since of course, if roles were reversed, I'd be the one going "If you don't like my boyfriend, then simply don't show up. I like them, and you need to respect that or just stay away."

(Hell, i even *was* doing that! The ladies on my spam kept roasting his face in the photos i had of him, and i was telling them to knock it off or else they would get blocked. Why? Because i stand up for those who i like, and who i date, whether or not they are watching.)

And his way of going "azalea doesnt like you and i wanted her there, so i decided youre no longer invited", instead of "thats my girlfriend, and if you cant even agree to be civil at a party for the sake of me enjoying my own birthday, you can get uninvited"......

....speaks volumes.

How amazing.

Yeah, its making it harder to regret things, if this was the main problem.

Patrick = unable to stand up for me, and simply doesnt like or respect me enough to ever do so.

Solution = you cant get pussy if you're gonna be treating the girl who doesn't fuck you as the one youd rather spend a lovely time with

The extra stuff is eh.

No other solution, other than "he was gonna ghost me anyway, so", and just moving on.

Some other dude tried to hit me up as well.

And my other ex, Blonde Patrick, had messaged me.

He's still salty about our relationship ending before.

What a loser.

I told him "if youre still hurt then sure, i dont mind not hanging out with you", and thats all that ive said so far.

(Nigga really is such a dumbass, i dont regret leaving this other guy either.)

Long story short, i understand why nuns are a thing now.

Thats all. Peace out.

#exes #yikes

[50shadesofsapphic-blog]

Hi sweetie I was reluctant to msg because I didn't want to add more salt to injury. I heard the song and i thought it was beautiful but so heartbreaking and im at the stage now where im this close to closing my account and meeting someone in person all im getting is you broke my heart this and im depressed suicidal that which is so traumatizing for everyone involved even myself. Can you please do me a favour as ive gone over post limit and take a screenshot of this to let everyone know that its too much just to be myself I care too much about everyone else. Eventhough I saw you make some stuff against me I dont hold anything against you or anyone who has tried the same. Everyone has their own shit going on and I have always been notorious for being everyones punching bag because I care too much. I want to give everyone really huge cuddles and a forehead kiss goodbye it would mean the world and maybe I can start a fresh tumblr away maybe more private where Im not going to be destroying peoples lives because my intention was the exact opposite. I also have had a gutful of feeling used...I like one post and i get several reactions from 2nd date this to my sugar momma that to this is the wedding ring I want to this is where we will move to I hope ppl are really joking with this. Peoples expectations of me are far too high and Im not placing a single one on them except to be harmonious with others. I have had every song under the sun sent to me from 'never enough' to 'you ruined me' to 'all hands on deck' 'Sunflower' to 'Dancing on my own' and 'Better now' and the list goes on.yeah despite all the attention have never felt less human or alone in my life with the exception of a few amazing people who helped me out and treated me as equal and not fresh meat...'I saw so much last night and yes some of the 'fickle tribe have spoken' hehehe Please send everyone cuddles on my behalf and wish them well 🤗🤗🤗🤗 thanks darling girl doing this one favour would mean the world to me so people can move on with their lives. I just wanted to meet new likeminded people...extremely down to earth but like what I do and dont take bullshit but not at the expense of hurting as many as I have unintentionally or to those that have to immaturely mock my every move...I now just really want to be left alone, I find more hapiness in my outer world than all the abusive and sad things Im seeing I only did this to help people but hardly see the point now as everyone uses it as a window to get in my pants.I had allowed them all back to only to subject you all to abuse...the fact that I spoke, they really think I couldnt step in again for everyone if there was no apparent policy against it at any given time but no apparently thats wrong aswell and not my place. Being an empath with no action towards others being bullied is as useless and painful as watching a dog get neglected and kicked and just sitting sitting back watching letting it happen...no I cant just watch people suffer. I hope you all find your own inner strength and know alot of what comes from the immature jealousy is merely their own insecurities and doesnt define you if thats how they choose to live their lives and is all about them to vocalise how they are hurting but instead projecting it on others instead of dealing with it themselves...feel more sorry for them if you can because it only means you are stronger than them to stand your ground and let just scroll past it they lose all power unless you react to it. But yeah to all those that think Im a pussy I heard ya and bitch I eat that shit thats my sustenance breakfast lunch dinner you are insulting 😂 I likely would have likely had more sexual partners than them in their lifetime for the straight haters but no its quality not quantity just making a joke and even if you had not one partner in your lifetime still doesnt change ya gay, feel like hitting my head against a wall haha and no not slutty completely loyal and exclusive and have been cooped up in my nunnery ena