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rowanthestrange · 4 years

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Doctor Who Meta: Cyberium AI Meta Masterpost

@grassangel said: A thought for you because of your meta: the Cyberium as the fluid in the opening credits.

It definitely does have a resemblance, doesn’t it. And that fits in with the Chibs style of ‘if you think it’s odd/wrong it probably serves a bigger purpose’.

The Cyberium AI is weird as hell. It’s clearly really important, not just as a plot device, but as itself. It’s got characterisation. It’s got a mirror important enough to be in the first episode - Tzim-Sha’s Gathering Coil, the first thing this Doctor ever faces.

And it mirrors the Doctor and Timeless Child’s ‘Power’. I mean it really mirrors them. To the point where, like with the Lone Cyberman and Rassilon, I’m not sure if it’s mirroring the character ridiculously heavily, or if it just straight up is the character. Just like working out Clara was going to be the Doctor with a TARDIS - I knew the result but I didn’t know what form it would take, literally the character or not, until the end. Cus that’s Doctor Who and its shapeshifting for you.

You know how my preferred method is to just point out all the metas as I see them, so you can draw your own conclusions if they’re different to mine, but I will actually put my thoughts as to what this all means at the end.

So click below for every bit of Cyberium AI meta from not just Series 12, not even just Series 11...but all the way back to Season 25)

(Under a cut because there was so much more than I thought there was)

In episode order then:

The Woman Who Fell To Earth

(The Gathering Coil as double-layer, mirroring the Cyberium AI’s role itself; but also therefore as its Doctor character mirror, and Timeless Child ‘Power’ mirror)

-See the title of the episode. The title with at least three references now.

-It crashes into a train when we meet it. A few moments before the Doctor does.

-“What are you? Okay, you don't like questions. More the private type, I get that.”

-Its data is absorbed into the Rassilon-mirror Tzim-Sha.

-In doing so also implants into him - and I quote the Doctor - “Micro-implants which code to your DNA. On detonation, they disrupt the foundation of your genetic code, melting your DNA.” Sound familiar?

-It’s being used - against the laws of the user’s species - in order to attain leadership. (Like Rassilon/Tecteun)

-Looks like one creature but is actually a huge number in the appearance of one. (The Doctor).

-The Gathering Coil might look like an Eldritch horror, but it never actually kills anyone on purpose. When it first shows up, the woman driving the train dies from shock, (“Shock” get it? Like...) Grace dies in an attempt to stop it by electrocuting it. The most damage it itself deliberately does, is short-circuit a crane.

----

The Haunting Of Villa Diodatti:

(Heavily as Timeless Child ‘Power’ mirror(?))

-The Lone Cyberman confirms the Cyberium AI to be both a lifeform and ‘weapon of some kind’. Like the Ux.

-We meet it already inside Doctor-mirror Percy Shelley - suicidal, social activist, and a great believer in the importance of society having Hope even if not so good at it himself. He is not trying to use its powers, but as Guardian of them doesn’t want others to take and abuse them. The word ‘Guard’ is also used by Mary in regards to the child. (And we could leave this episode and say how Irish Metaphor Doctor was a ‘Garda’ but you get the point).

-It hides in a house that appears to warp and change and shield and use a perception filter - theorised to be the Cyberium AI warping the perceptions of people in the building, even though none of them are remotely Cyber in any way. Shelley says directly only some of the changing is his doing. On a practical level, it must have strong telepathic abilities - like the Doctor. On a meta level, it hides itself in a place that mirrors a TARDIS.

-The Doctor can’t find it at first because it’s “hidden away, cloaked, too big to register.” Like the Timeless Child memories.

-The Doctor seemingly genuinely didn’t know what it was a minute ago, when she was asking Ashad what it was. But now suddenly she does know: “Cyber technology. The knowledge of the whole cyber race and AI from the future, containing the knowledge and future history of all Cybermen”. Almost as if she’s remembered.

-This next bit’s important and connected so we’ll just do the whole lot and break it up afterwards:

Percy: “They scorched and split the sky. Built the army of all armies. Left behind only pain, rage, fear and death.” Mary: “How is he seeing all this?” The Doctor: “The Cyberium is burning through his mind. It'll destroy him if it stays in him much longer. An epic battle. The Cyberium at the heart of it, controlling data, strategy, decision-making. Clever! Very clever. Someone took it from the Cybermen, sent it back through time here in an attempt to change the future.” *The Lone Cyberman tries to break in* The Doctor: “In an attempt to protect you from that.”

-Like Donna with the Doctor’s memories, this is burning Percy up. -An epic Battle, like with the Ux - a great battle referenced and not explained. The Cyberium AI instead of the Ux at the heart of it, used to fight it. (If anyone’s still assuming the Timeless Child(ren) thing was simply about regeneration power, there should be more focus on the Division and the Child as weapon). -The Doctor again coming in with extra information. -Possible Future Meta: Someone attempted to change the future by taking the source of power from the Rassilon (see the mirror).

-Thirteen tells the Doctor-mirror to just let the Rassilon-mirror have the power. (Reminds me of how the Timeless Child ‘would not yield any secrets’). But the Cyberium AI has been sending Shelley (Doctor-mirror) symbols and numbers. So Possible Future Meta: It wasn’t just the regeneration power Rassilon got from the Timeless Child, it was also information. (Of course - the Doctor, especially this one meant to mirror all this, is the Builder And Destroyer, after all)

-We confirm the Cyberium AI’s own sentience, separate from its host, (and its reluctance to leave). It changes the mental map of the house specifically to avoid the Lone Cyberman.

-The Lone Cyberman believes the host must be killed in order to get the power out. Mary Shelley immediately talks to the Lone Cyberman about fatherhood, and how he doesn’t want to do this. (Rassilon/Tecteun)

-The Doctor convinces the Cyberium AI to leave by showing it Percy’s future. (The mercury-like substance exits Percy quite like the poison with Ten. Given the amount of Ten-era-mirroring, this one’s cute). (Possible Future Meta: The Doctor meeting Timeless Child self, like with Martin!Doctor).

-The Cyberium AI goes to the Doctor, who calls herself its “true Guardian”. Says it feels “Very at home”. Going with how she seemed to remember what it was without ever being told earlier...

-The Doctor, when her friends and the planet is at risk, decides to give it over the the Lone Cyberman, and the Cyberium works with her in a way it refused to with Shelley, meaning she didn’t need to die, even though she says it had already started fusing.

-Next after the Doctor-mirror/Doctor, the power enters the Rassilon-mirror.

-(Yaz restarts the Doctor-mirror’s heart. That’s not important to this meta, but it sure is important to other ones).

-We talk about ghosts just as we enter the Ghost Monument.

----

Ascension Of The Cybermen:

(Both as Doctor mirror and Timeless Child Power mirror)

-Cyberium!Ashad says “The Cyberium does know you. Both you and humanity will be destroyed, and I shall bring the Cyber race to its greatest ever glory.” - the Cyberium AI has already seen the Doctor’s death before. Or it’s lying.

-The Doctor’s blatantly obvious talking-to-herself therapy speech is to Cyberium!Ashad.

“The Cyberium has given me understanding. It has distilled my purpose. I am the perfect vessel.” - A container, a ship for the Cyberium AI.

“Everything is in me for the ascension of the Cybermen, and beyond. ... All your deaths. The death of everything is within me.” - First, mirrors the ‘life’ within the Timeless Child. Second, considering before this was previously an AI trying to avoid conflict and entering Ashad, the fact that Ashad and his death particle gets convinced to go to the Master and Gallifrey, makes me wonder how much the Cyberium AI was forced to go along because that’s its nature and it has to follow instructions, or whether it was planning and pulling the strings. Or both - TARDIS-style.

----

The Timeless Children:

(Heavily as Doctor mirror, minorly Timeless Child Power mirror)

-“Oh. Oop. Excuse me. Check my notifications. Oh, goodie! The Cybermen are here, at the Boundary. Better extend the hand of friendship. Breaker 1-2 calling all Cybes.” So the Master knew that the Cybermen would come. How? They haven’t interacted from our perspective at all.

-The Master says to Cyberium!Ashad “I want you to think of me as your new best friend.”

-Master to the Doctor: “Don't heckle, dear. I can always decide to cut you short.” -Master to Cyberium!Ashad: “Oh, shoot. I should've said, somebody needs to cut you down to size, then zapped you. I was just trigger-happy. I'll use it next time.” (Plus, a ‘next time’ - we haven’t seen the last of him).

-The Cyberium AI is revealed to have been the one to create the Death Particle. Which again makes me question who’s pulling whose strings. As the Master points out Ashad is more organic than most, and Ashad simply says that he’ll mechanise when the process is over - ignoring the point that this didn’t work before. And Ashad seems to think it will wipe out everything, ignoring the reality that its coverage is only a single planet.

-The Master is clearly talking to the Cyberium more than Ashad at points.

Ashad: “The Cyberium will process and dictate the strategy.” The Master: “The Cyberium. I've heard a lot about that over the millennia. The heart of all your power. The centre of all Cyber knowledge.” -Sounds very like the other Timeless Child(ren) mirror - the Ux.

-The Master actively flirts with it. “Oh, come on, Cyberium, show us some leg. What do you actually look like, hmm?” And after shrinking Ashad without so much as a close-up, like he’s been nothing to the plot, “Well, aren't you pretty? And fast. You made your exit very swiftly there. Worried, were you?”

-The Master hoped the Death Particle would activate and laments to the Cyberium AI that his “nice little gamble” didn’t pay off - as in it didn’t kill him. (Assuming Timeless Children plural, that may be the only thing that would work, and that he is telling this to the Cyberium AI again could fit nicely with the narrative idea that it knows what it’s doing).

-“Oh, sorry, were you close? Candidly, I think you can do better.” ... “Wow, that was quick. Wa-ha-ha! Whoa! Woohoo! At least buy me... dinner!” - (And considering we all had a giggle at the clearly intentionally funny ‘a piece of you is in me’ line that’s going to happen either in about a minute, or in the world of the episode and making adjustments for simultaneous storytelling, right now...)

-“I ransacked the Matrix of the Time Lords, distilled all the knowledge, all the experiences, all the discoveries, into these brains up here. All the Cyber knowledge, all the Time Lord knowledge. Put it together, what do you get? Absolute supremacy in the universe. Choose me.” - (The Master pointing out we’ve now got two sets of incredible knowledge. Rule of three has me wondering about the Timeless Child’s ‘Knowledge’.)

-After the power was originally in the Doctor-mirror/Doctor, it then went to the Rassilon-mirror(?) and then to the Master. If you’re a fan of Timeless Children Plural theory.

-The Master: “No, Doctor. As of now, I wish my enemies a long and healthy life, so they may witness my many triumphs, because they will be legion.” - (So, in case you’re not familiar with the Legion thing, two points: A Legion was a division in the Roman army of about 3000-6000 men. We will be coming back to Rome - oh God will we - but just slot that information away for later. Point two - For another use of Legion, we need to head to the Bible, Mark 5:1-9. ‘Who cares, Rowan?’ Well, this is the story in which there is a man living among tombs, who no-one can bind, not even with chains. He cries out and attacks himself, and on seeing Jesus in the distance rushes over and kneels before him, screaming that he’d put him under oath not to torment him. Jesus doesn’t talk to him, but to what is possessing him, ordering it to come out, and asking its name. And it, not the man replies: “I am Legion, for we are many.” (Fun fact, we eventually get rid of the demons by exorcising them into animals who then run off...a...cliff. *sighs* Ok.)

The Doctor: “You're looking peaky.” The Master: “Oh, yeah. The Cyberium lives in me now, Doctor. Yeah. Yes. See, I've been looking forward to seeing your face about that. I can feel it flowing around in me. The information, the strategy, the... the... the consciousness. It's a beautiful thing. And look at us. I have broken you and created a new race. And now? Now I shall conquer... everything. Oh.”

-“See, I've been looking forward to seeing your face about that.” - This is a quiet point that exemplifies a major one. The Master’s story is different to ours. He knows things that we do not. The Doctor in theory (though I doubt in practice) had never come across the Cyberium AI before, she hasn’t mentioned its name or anything about it to the Master. In theory (again press x) the Lone Cyberman carrying the Cyberium AI just turned up when the Master dragged the Doctor through to Gallifrey as pure happenstance, he should know nothing about that incident with the AI and Shelley (and yet he quotes him). Why has he been looking forward to seeing her face in regards to that? What does he know about it that he expects her to remember? Just like with the Timeless Child infodump, we are fools if we take all this at face value, because the Master planned for all of this. And it seems like the Cyberium AI _itself_ is planning too.

Ko Sharmus: “You didn't start this. I did. I was part of a resistance unit that sent the Cyberium back through time and space. Though obviously we didn't send it back far enough. So this is my penance. Mine to finish. My journey ends here. But the universe still needs you, so I suggest you run.” (Ko Sharmus is treated way too important. We’ve got to see him again.)

----

Done? Done.

Well no, no actually we’re not. Because there is one final episode.

But we have to go back, just a little bit, to the Seventh Doctor. Stick with me. I promise you’ll be glad you did.

Silver Nemesis:

-A story revolving around a thing called Validium.

-To quote the TARDIS Wiki: “It was living metal that could think for itself and was capable of speech as well. When destroyed, it could reform itself.”

The Doctor: “Validium was created as the ultimate defence for Gallifrey, back in early times.” Ace: “Created by Omega?” The Doctor: “Yes.” Ace: “And?” The Doctor: “Rassilon.” Ace: “And?” The Doctor: “And none of it should have left Gallifrey. But, as always with these things, some of it did.”

-Catch that hint of the Cartmel Masterplan where it’s clearly meant to lead you to ‘And? The Other One’. It’s ok, you’re not reading too far into it, I promise.

-“It should never have left Gallifrey, but some of it did. A piece of validium fell to Earth and was found by the Lady Peinforte.” Can you guess what she did with it? Why, she moulded it into a statue of herself.

-A silver lady statue.

-(You remember how we just seemed to abandon Barton? Who is somewhat not human? Was involved with creatures from another dimension? And that statue? Seemed set-up for a cyber plan? Saw nothing wrong with a bit of familial murder? Ooh hoo. Welp.)

-Nazis are involved. Ill-timed notifications. The Doctor forgetting. A cellar. (A fez). A meteorite containing the validium crashes by a barn. On November the 23rd. Happy Birthday. We blow things up. A lot of things.

-The villains of the piece? Besides the nazis and the Time(travelling) Lady? Well it could only be the Cybermen. A bit of the Validium is held by each of them

-The Cybermen take their bit of the Validium to the tomb of the Lady, with an inscription “Death Is But A Door”. The Lady is not buried there, and it doubles as a pun, with a hidden door.

-One of the lead nazis betrays his fellow to be turned into a Cyberman. “Supermen are all very well, but the giants are the master race.”

-The Seventh Doctor is mirrored with the Lady, who describes herself as evil. They even have mirrored scenes with their equivalent companions.

-The Lady: “All power, all power past, present and future, shall be mine. Why, I shall be mistress of all of that is, all that shall be, all that ever was. Yes, all! All!” - Oh, doesn’t she sound familiar now...

-Point Of Interest: Like many of the concepts Chibs has been playing with from Classic Who - the Morbius Doctors, almost certainly the Valeyard - this was apparently a fairly controversial episode among the old guard. Why? Because well...

The Validium: “I am beautiful, am I not?” Ace: “Yes. You're very beautiful.” The Validium: “It is only my present form. I have had others which would horrify you. I shall have those again. You are surprised I speak?” Ace: “I know you're living metal.” The Validium: “I am whatever I am made to be. This time Lady Peinforte called me Nemesis, so I am retribution.”

-I mean this is all cute but it doesn’t explain why it’s here and-

The Validium: “And I'm to destroy the entire Cyberfleet?” The Doctor: “Forever.” The Validium: “And then?” The Doctor: “Reform.” The Validium: “You might need me in the future, then?” The Doctor: “I hope not.” The Validium: “That is what you said before.” The Doctor: “Enough.” The Validium: “And after this, will I have my freedom?” The Doctor: “Not yet.” The Validium: “When?” The Doctor: “I told you when.” The Doctor: “Things are still imperfect.”

-Oh well that’s...Hmm.

Lady Peinforte: “You are nothing. Only the Doctor matters, and he is but a pawn in the game of my making.” ... Ace: “The Doctor's not just going to give you the bow. Tell her, Doctor. Tell her.” Lady Peinforte: “Doctor who? Have you never wondered where he came from, who he is?” Ace: “Nobody knows who the Doctor is.” Lady Peinforte: “Except me.” Ace: “How?” Lady Peinforte: “The statue told me.” Ace: “All right, so what does it matter? He's a Time Lord, I know that.” Lady Peinforte: “Well, Doctor?” The Doctor: “If I give you the bow,” Lady Peinforte: “Your power becomes mine, but your secrets remain your own.” ... Lady Peinforte: “I shall tell them of Gallifrey, tell them of the old time, the time of chaos.” ... The Doctor: “You had the right game, but the wrong pawn. Check.”

-What used to be the Cartmell Master plan is now the Timeless Child Master...plan- Is this why it’s involving the Master? For a pun? Whatever, either way the Seventh Doctor is now a treasure trove of useful ideas - I did wonder why Chibs chose Ace in particular as the companion who should get a ‘Thirteen meeting them again’ book - trying to lure people in for a second look, clearly.

-So what happens in the story? In the Timeless Child, the Master ends up absorbing the Cyberium. In Silver Nemesis, the Validium absorbs our Lady Mistress Of All. How neat.

-The Doctor ‘wins’ by giving the Validium the Cyberleader’s instructions, confirming it understood them, and then the Cybermen let it fly off to their fleet. Which then blows up. Because it chose to disobey them. (As he knew it would).

-The Validium is left floating in space, until the Doctor calls on it again. I’m not saying this relates to opening titles full of goop, but I’m not saying it doesn’t either.

So. That’s a lot. While I would usually doubt the Validium would literally be the Cyberium, and that it would be for fans to join together as they wished or not... Honestly, given the use of lore in Chibs Who, I don’t actually feel certain of that anymore.

But either way, there’s your meta masterpost, you can commence your theorising now.

****

I know no-one comes to these things for my stupid conclusions, but in case you did, here’s a couple of my very disparate fever-brained thoughts, that I’m too ill to put together more...smartly, and might have to come back to if you’re ever going to actually see this post:

-The Doctor/The Other/The Timeless Child had a hand in the weaponisation of the Cyberium AI (forced/cajoled/whatever).

-The Time Lord empire, in at least one version of reality, is inextricably linked to the Cybermen empire, with the Cybermen showing similar levels of technology to Time Lords (a cyber carrier ‘more advanced’ than very far future humans have ever seen - “Coming out of vortex now”, implies it has time vortex travel. And “That’s my home planet - that's Gallifrey”. Immediately the image cuts to Cyberman, then straight back.)

-The Timeless Child was chosen as a vessel to save some form of living knowledge, rather than just being a mystical alien.

-((My nuttiest guess that is only 30% meta and 70% gut feel is it’s a TARDIS-kind, probably our own, which stayed with them because they carried her, and now she carries them. That concept, the little links we’re seeing with TARDISes and their sentience, the implied planetary genocide of all but a saved pair, cyberised humans and cyberised Time Lords - a TARDIS is a cyberised something, the question of living technology, the gloop of the vortex, the Ghost Monument, the Doctor’s agonised loss of her for her first episode that she then only finds at the end of the second on a dead planet ruined by space-fascists...))

-Are those two the same story? You could go in either direction. The stories are all about cycles and loops, so a strong case for mirroring, but at the same time we have a Lone Cyberman who can’t be converted properly and no-one knows why, which makes me think that is still Rassilon with either the ghost of a memory of an old plan, or - thanks to time travel - the old plan itself. That perhaps the Timeless Child’s Power would end up somewhat fused with the Doctor when they turned it into the weaponised Cyberium “AI”, explains why we see it in meta go from benign to weapon creator.

-The Cyberium AI created the Death Particle which would destroy all life and stop the Cyber-Time Lords from taking over. This feels like the exact thing the Doctor was trying to stop with the Time Lords in The End Of Time, and Day Of The Doctor, as their absolute last-ditch plan.

-Certainly the Battle that the Alliance are gearing up for, I would assume is the same battle that we keep seeing in mirrors, and is directly related to Gallifrey. It keeps coming up linked together, like with Ko Sharmus, and we first find out about the Alliance from the inside of a stolen Battle TARDIS.

-So perhaps that’s a point that history is hinging on, and someone - read: the Master - has chosen to interfere. Things all seemed to go wrong after he discovered the Timeless Child information - impossible Time Lords and TARDISes appearing, an Alliance, a Cyber Empire etc. Maybe originally the Doctor/Timeless Child (title, not necessarily youth) was used to control the Cyberium AI and win the battle. But the Master took them away from Rassilon so that couldn’t happen, so everything’s a catastrofuck of paradoxes.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

We got a long time to think about it at least.

#doctor who #doctor who meta #the cyberium ai #the timeless child #the timeless children #rassilon #the assilon #(i’m so ill)#(so take it in...whatever form this is)#(too feverish for thinking)#(stupid partner socialising and teaching kids and giving me diseases)

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tlv-dd · 2 years

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Monstrous Beauty: Part One

A 3-part comic story in the Official Doctor Who Magazine.

First, the poem Tears of the Kotturuh, from the Ninth Book of the Crimson Spiral.

What did you learn, when you felt the first wind in your face? When the warmth of the first dawn touched your skin? What did you lose, when the first flower withered and the first sea dried? What did you take with you and what did you leave behind?

The Ninth Doctor and companion Rose Tyler are not at the first Mardi Gras, but somewhere else, The Doctor is unsure where but it makes his skin crawl. Their presence on the deserted world is detected by figures on a ship, and as The Doctor and Rose discover a mining operation they are captured in a tractor beam and brought onto the ship.

A woman, the ship's commander, interrogates them, is immune to the Psychic Paper, and refers to her weapon as a Staser, shocking The Doctor. She takes them captive and brings them to the facility science labs, where she has Medicus Androkan perform tests. Androkan is fairly flippant about not caring about whether they're aliens or the so-called genetic purity, but does the tests and determines both are aliens. The Commander tries to physically interrogate them, Androkan resenting what she's become.

Before things can go further a red alert goes off, the base is under attack. A communication reveals the Commander's name to be Rassilon, and she orders a request for support from Gallifrey. The Doctor uses the Sonic Screwdriver to release himself, knock out the guard and free Rose, Androkan believing him that they're not connected.

The Doctor and Rose flee, he explains why he felt uncomfortable earlier, he's in his own history, amongst Gallifreyans from so long ago their not even Time Lords, as they didn't recognise his DNA, and they're in the Dark Times. He then sees the enemy, Cucurbites, one of the Vampire races.

Rose is snatched by a bat like figure, and seeing a Gallifreyan craft crash he rescues the pilot and uses it to trigger a sonic pulse that makes the Cucurbites flee.

He sneaks back to Androkan's lab, the TARDIS is gone and he needs help to save Rose. Androkan wants to know about his DNA, but admits the war with the Vampire Alliance is putting pressure on them, and his people have changed since exposure the Ultimate, the ability to die.

Rose awakens in a gothic bedchamber, the Bat watching her, and a door opens, from which emerges a tall pale figure with pointed ears and fangs, who introduces himself as Friar Grystok. Grystok compliments Hugo for bringing Rose to him, as she's a species he hasn't encountered before. A servant girl, Centia, enters, and is told to find Rose a white gown while Grystok and Hugo leave. Centia finds a gown and Rose refuses it, more concerned about sorting her situation out, but Centia begs her to wear it so she isn't disciplined.

Androkan tales the Doctor to Rassilon's flier, the best one on the base, but Rassilon is there with guards, taking them both captive, accusing Androkan of betraying them to the Alliance, and demanding and explanation of the TARDIS.

Grystok takes Rose, now on the gown, Centia following, taking them to his mistresses, the Three Mad Sisters, descendants of The Great One. The three sisters are pure white, one looking like an old woman, one middle aged and one like a child. The 3 are enraptured by Rose, quite keen to make her dinner.

(Continuity Notes: As The Doctor is only traveling with Rose the latest this can occur is before The Empty Child, which would seem the best place to put it.)

#time lord victorious

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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Doctor Who: What Do We Actually Know About the TARDIS?

https://ift.tt/3mT90ZZ

We all know the TARDIS. Blue box. Travels in space and time. Bigger on the inside. May contain a hat stand. For the Doctor and her friends it is home, it is a safe port of call from monsters and cracks in time and the combined hordes of Genghis Khan. But how well do we really know the TARDIS? In many ways it is the most mysterious part of Doctor Who lore. After all, every other mystery in the universe is one the Doctor quickly sets about trying to solve- even those about herself. The TARDIS, however, is just how she hops between mysteries. The Doctor has no time to worry about the inner workings of the TARDIS because she’s always leaving it to go somewhere else.

However, over the years we have gleaned some tidbits about the workings of this marvelous time ship, so let’s answer a few of the big questions.

What’s it called?

Let’s start with what it’s called. That’s “the TARDIS” which stands for “Time And Relative Dimension In Space”. Or sometimes “Time And Relative Dimensions In Space”. The name was coined by the Doctor’s granddaughter, Susan, although also we’ve seen people refer to TARDISes by the name before Susan could have come up with it. The Big Finish audio “The Beginning” tries to reconcile this by having Susan come up with a name herself that coincidentally is also the name Time Lords used for them anyway.

Only as Bill points out when she first learns about the TARDIS, the acronym “Time And Relative Dimension In Space”, spelling out the word “TARDIS”, only works in the language of English on the little-known planet of Earth. In German, for instance, it would be called the ZURDIR, so goodness knowns what Gallifreyans actually call it.

So the answer to our first question is “We don’t know”.

Why does it look like a police telephone box?

All TARDISes (or whatever they’re called) come equipped with a Chameleon Circuit as standard. As the Doctor explains in one of the TARDIS minisodes from the Season 5 DVD box set, “Every time the TARDIS materializes in a new location, within the first nanosecond of landing, it analyzes its surroundings, calculates a twelve-dimensional data map of everything within a thousand mile radius, and determines which outer shell would blend in best with the environment… And then it disguises itself as a police telephone box from 1963.”

This has been a long-term problem for the Doctor. The TARDIS transformed into a police telephone box when it landed in London in 1963, and remained that way when it was discovered by first companions Barbara and Ian in “An Unearthly Child“. When the TARDIS teleported backwards through time, however, the Doctor and his granddaughter were confused to see it was still the same shape. It has stayed that way ever since, despite some attempts to repair it, and we largely get the sense from the Doctor these days that she prefers the TARDIS that way.

But there is still some puzzlement over why the TARDIS got stuck that way in the first place. One theory has been presented in the 50th anniversary comic story in Doctor Who Magazine. In “Hunters of the Burning Stone”, the 11th Doctor goes back in time to the events of “An Unearthly Child”, sneaks into the TARDIS and busts the chameleon circuit so that the “blue box” would become a recognized image throughout history.

Except, now we’re thinking about, if you were a super powerful alien AI landing in a junk yard in Shoreditch in 1963, and you wanted to seem as inconspicuous as possible, you’d probably look like a dustbin, or a wrecked car, or just “some rubbish”. A police telephone box… stands out a bit?

Only it gets weirder. The events of “The Fugitive of the Judoon” and “The Timeless Children” introduce us to Ruth, or “the Fugitive” Doctor. Some have suggested this might be a secret Doctoral incarnation between the first and second Doctors, but it is looking increasingly likely that this Doctor is one of the previously forgotten versions that predate William Hartnell.

And she travels in a TARDIS shaped like a police telephone box, years before it ever landed in Shoreditch 1963. So the answer to our second question is “We don’t know”.

Doctor Who’s Weeping Angels Are Perfect Horror Monsters But Are They Returning Villains?

By Zoe Kaiser

Who Will Be Doctor Who’s Next Showrunner?

By Jamie Andrew

How big is the TARDIS on the inside?

We know it’s bigger on the inside, but how much bigger? Most of the time the only room we see of the TARDIS is the Console Room (or one of the console rooms, anyway). This can vary between being the size of a cathedral, to the size of a soundstage in Wales.

But we also know, either through seeing them directly, as in Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS, or through hearsay from its passengers, that the TARDIS contains many other rooms. These include an unknown number of bedrooms for the Doctor’s companions (some with bunkbeds), a library, a swimming pool, an enormous walk-in wardrobe, a garage, the cloister room, a “Zero Room”, squash courts, a kitchen, a garden, an art gallery, a salon, a sick bay, a boot cupboard (that is enormous), water slides, boating lakes, a rainforest, and perhaps most bafflingly of all, some bins.

These are all handled by the architectural configuration system, which as near as we can tell allows the Doctor to add and delete rooms at will, like a house in the Sims. So any of these rooms might have been deleted, or deleted and re-added later, any number of times. So we don’t know how many rooms are inside the TARDIS, but we should at least be able to guess at the dimensions, right?

Fan-favourite companion Sarah Jane Smith asks this question in “The Masque of Mandragora”. The exchange goes:

SARAH: Just how big is the Tardis? DOCTOR: Well, how big’s big? Relative dimensions, you see. No constant. SARAH: That’s not an answer. DOCTOR: How big are you at the moment? SARAH: Five four, just, and that’s still not an answer. DOCTOR: Listen, listen. There are no measurements in infinity.

And then the Doctor goes on to insult puny human minds, because he’s like that. But the trouble is, he’s right. As far as we know, the TARDIS interior exists in its own pocket dimension, outside of our universe. Which means there is nothing to compare the TARDIS interior with. That, or maybe the Doctor is just covering up the fact that he doesn’t know. So take your pick. “There are no measurements in infinity” or “We don’t know”.

How many people can the TARDIS transport?

The Doctor famously nicked her TARDIS all that time ago, when it was in a scrapyard waiting to be decommissioned. At the time its passengers were the Doctor, the Doctor’s granddaughter, Susan, and according to the Big Finish audio mentioned above, a guy called the Quadrigger who was a sort of TARDIS mechanic.

This is not even close to a full crew complement. As we discover in “Journey’s End”, the TARDIS console is hexagonal precisely because there should be six people manning it at any one time, explaining why the Doctor pilots it by running around like a headless chicken, occasionally having to resort to pieces of string or an outstretched umbrella to activate controls on two sides of the console at the same time.

But in “The Invasion of Time” the Doctor’s TARDIS is able to transport a full Sontaran army, while in “Revolution of the Daleks” the Doctor tricks an entire Dalek army into trapping themselves in another TARDIS.

As we’ve already said, the interior of the TARDIS has unknown and possibly unlimited dimensions, so there’s no reason we know of why you couldn’t fit an entire civilization in there. It does make you wonder why more Doctor Who episodes don’t feature the Doctor organizing an entire planet’s population into an orderly queue to evacuate. So once again the answer is “We don’t know”.

What powers it?

Sure, why not. We’ve failed hard at what it’s called, why it looks like it does and how big it is. Why don’t we just flat out ask what powers the dimensionally transcendental spacetime machine? That’ll be an easy one.

Well it’s the Eye of Harmony, an exploding star preserved at the moment it collapses into a black hole. The Fourth Doctor story, “The Deadly Assassin” revealed that it can be found hidden under the floorboards of the Panopticon on Gallifrey, except that Gallifrey has blown up (at least) twice, and in the Doctor Who movie we discovered that actually the Eye of Harmony is on board the TARDIS under a big stone trapdoor and can somehow be used to steal all of a Time Lord’s remaining regenerations, but then in “Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS” we find that actually its just hanging in this massive space void inside the TARDIS with a walkway going through it. Are these all the same Eye of Harmony? Did the Doctor pinch it, or were all the TARDISes connected to the Eye of Harmony through wormholes or subspace or something, allowing it to be in multiple places at once?

I will let you guess.

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Doctor Who Series 13 will air this autumn on BBC One and BBC America.

The post Doctor Who: What Do We Actually Know About the TARDIS? appeared first on Den of Geek.

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nerdtrash-iteration · 4 years

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(Re)watching Doctor Who: series 9

So this is where the infamous pair Heaven Sent and Hell Bent reside. You’ll see my feelings on the latter are rather lengthy. Let’s see how we did here. Series 9 (Twelfth Doctor)

9.X1: Last Christmas I loved this Christmas special. I thought it was a great homage to both the Alien franchise and Inception. The guest cast were really fun (especially Santa Claus), the plot kept me interested and there were many very sweet character moments. Loved Danny Pink’s brief return and the sleigh scene at the end especially. Bit awkward at the end with the fake-out of Clara leaving, you can really tell it was a rewrite. But I really enjoyed this one. 9.1: The Magician’s Apprentice Excellent opening episode. A cold open that immediately grabbed me, love the confirmation of Clara’s bisexuality and Missy is very welcome back. I wasn’t a huge fan of how they found the Doctor, felt a bit too contrived for my liking. Also wasn’t fond of his guitar antics and the whole notion of his last day alive. Felt a bit ehh. But I love all the character interactions here and the reveal of Skaro was fantastic. 9.2: The Witch’s Familiar A great 2nd part to the first story of this series. I adore Missy’s interactions with Clara, I highkey ship them but I do also ship Missy with everyone. It was also really interesting to see the Doctor and Davros have a civil-ish conversation. I still haven’t watched the classic era yet so I currently only know Davros from the series 4 finale. He didn’t really wow me there but I quite like this more complex portrayal of him. The Daleks are quite fun here, especially when Missy messes with them. It was a bit disappointing to see Davros double-cross the Doctor, I really thought they would try something different with him. Also sad that the Doctor just knew the whole time, made the interaction seem more fake. I feel the connection to the opening is a taaaaad tenuous with how old Davros is influenced by it, wish that had been a bit clearer. But I’ll allow it. 9.3 + 9.4: Under the Lake + Before the Flood I was so disappointed in this story. It’s hard for me to judge the two episodes separately so I’ll just talk about the story overall. I was quite bored throughout. Found the ghost design quite generic and not scary, the explanation of the mystery was absolutely batshit and I really didn’t care for it. I thought the plot resolution was pretty good and kinda cool how the Doctor transported himself to the future. Also cool that 2nd half took place in the past and ended up causing the flood. I love a good bootstrap paradox. But the reveal that his ghost was a hologram really felt like a cop-out. The guest cast were initially quite awkward but did grow on me in the 2nd part. I also was glad they wrote a deaf character with agency and made her the leader of the team. I saw Toby Whithouse wrote this, so I wasn’t surprised both the Doctor and Clara referred to the pilot as “he/she/it”. He has written some lowkey transphobic lines in the show before. That one isn’t that bad but just sounds so awkward. No-one uses the pronoun “it”. And just say “they”. Overall quite a disappointing story for me after that great first one. 9.5: The Girl Who Died I set my expectations a bit lower after that previous story. But this one was quite fun! Nice to have something a bit more light-hearted. Aschildr was fun but I didn’t feel she was very well-developed at this point. Kinda the generic “I’m not like other girls” trope used here. The Mire were an interesting race in how they survived on their reputation. The ragtag amateur feel of the finale was fun, with the use of electric eels. I thought Aschildr using the hologram technology to project the image of a sea serpent was a biiiit of a stretch though. Also some of Clara’s interactions just feel a bit awkward here. I thought the decision to basically make Aschildr immortal was very ethically dodgy on the Doctor’s part but I’m curious to see how it plays out in the next episode. 9.6: The Woman Who Lived Ah I loved this episode! It was so fun. I appreciated how simple its plot was and that it largely focused on the Doctor and Aschildr’s interactions. She was a lot more interesting in this episode, with some really great dialogue between her and the Doctor about immortality. Sam the Swift was really fun too. A really enjoyable episode. 9.7 + 9.8: The Zygon Invasion + The Zygon Inversion This is a very flawed story but one I still really enjoyed. Really felt like a proper sequel to the Zygon subplot in Day of the Doctor with how big in scale and budget it was. Really love to see Osgood(s) back and Kate Stewart. I really like the horror vibe the first part has especially with building in suspense. I think Osgood’s refusal to be defined as human or Zygon is thematically brilliant and her interactions with the Doctor are great. Love the Doctor calling Bonnie “Zygella”. I do find some of the plot details quiet frustrating though. Like the mechanism for the Zygons keeping a human form was very confusing. Also the radical Zygons’ plan just seemed really stupid? Like the humans outnumber you by a lot, they will kill you and your plan will be pointless. Also a bit disappointed in how Kate’s cliffhanger was resolved. Just shooting the Zygon in front of her, wow. But the speech at the end, damn. The two boxes and everything the Doctor said was amazing. Loved that. Overall a very enjoyable if flawed story. 9.9: Sleep No More Yiiiiiiiiiikes. I was warned this episode was underwelming and yeah, it be. It doesn’t make me angry though, just disappointed and confused. I absolutely adore the premise. Late-stage evil space capitalism not even letting workers sleep, absolutely brilliant. I can even roll with the idea of the change in brain chemistry making sleep dust into monsters somehow, sure. But all of the bonkers twists and attempts at being meta really frustrated me. It was just too many ridiculous ideas that we were expected to just accept and appreciate. Twists don’t necessarily make your story better, especially if you’ve just put one in to try and get a reaction from the audience. They work when they make sense in the story and add texture to it. The Doctor said it best: “None of this makes any sense”. 9.10: Face the Raven Oh faaaaaaaack. I hadn’t been watching Doctor Who for a while as I hadn’t been super feeling series 9. While I have enjoyed many of the stories up until now, I was frustrated by the lack of season arc. Felt like it wasn’t really focused on anything, besides vague notions of the Doctor’s confession dial and the Hybrid. Then just today I got in the mood to try to continue. Yeah this episode was a massive punch in the gut. I was immediately grabbed by the premise and the setting and having Rigsy and Ashildr back. I got so excited when they used trap streets!!! I just learned about them recently, they’re so fascinating. I loved the street itself and how Ashildr keeps the peace. It was really ruthless but narratively very interesting. I found the plot a taaaaaad contrived. Surely there were easier ways to get the Doctor and his confession dial and TARDIS key. But for character interactions were spot-on. Also I knew this was when Clara dies but the scene where they realise it left me a weeping mess. Like tears streaming down my face. Also the soundtrack in this episode was a bop. Fantastic episode, great way to pull me back in to Doctor Who. 9.11: Heaven Sent Okay so I’ve had this episode hyped for me for a good while. I’ve seen Doctor Who YouTube commentators call it their favourite episode. Personally there are episodes I enjoy more just because they tap into what I personally love in a story. But this still really impressed me. I love how good the episode looks, it really does feel special and cinematic. The twist is absolutely genius and I could not have predicted it. Everything about the harder-than-diamond wall was great. The ending montage was so emotional. Not my favourite but it certainly earns its reputation. 9.12: Hell Bent I was honestly tempted to just key-smash with this one because what the faaaaaaaaaaaaaack. In contrast to Heaven Sent, I’ve had others warn me that Hell Bent was their least favourite episode. And yeah, this ain’t it. I tried going in with an open mind but there are just too many things that annoy me. I personally really dislike the Time Lords as a presence in a story as they often do not feel like real characters. Just a vague annoying bureaucratic threat with very empty lore tied to them. “We must stop the Doctor, he bad, for reasons” is the feel I often get with them, it’s very annoying. The motivations of the various Time Lords and Sisters of Karn used here were also very unclear. One minute some are helping the Doctor, the next he’s against them all. Things were just happening too fast to keep up. Also why is there barely any significance made of the Doctor finally returning to Gallifrey???? Clara even asks “How did they get unfrozen?” and the Doctor says “I didn’t ask”. Just felt like the writers saying “Yeah we’re bored with this really important character arc that was set up all the way back in 2005, never mind”. I just thought the performance of the woman in the barn was really silly, with her wordlessly gesturing to the Doctor to come to the door to see the soldiers. I hated seeing a Gallifreyan crowd just surround the Doctor and silently applaud him like a hive mind for drawing a line in the sand. The whole thing with the soldiers going to the Doctor’s side one at a time just felt silly to me. That is a good idea in a story but something about the execution just felt off. It was cool to learn that the Cloister Bell in the TARDIS was likely linked with the basement cloisters on Gallifrey. But the cloisters themselves felt very underused and just thrown in there. After a lot of thought and seeking other hot takes on the episode, I see the Doctor’s real plan had feck all to do with the Hybrid (now a cursed word for me) and was just to save Clara. Which isn’t a bad idea necessarily but the choices so many characters make just felt so silly. Something about the script just didn’t work, like the actors were kids playing pretend and making up their own lines as they went. I really liked Clara as a companion (especially in series 8) but she had a good death in Face the Raven that fit her character, let her be. I really love the relationship between her and Twelve (especially how it’s the focus of series 8) but I think this is just a stretch. To shoot a Time Lord to kill, to go as far as he does, it just didn’t ring true. The rehash of the memory wipe from series 4 annoyed me, and there was a throwaway line as to why it was necessary and it just didn’t feel right. It just felt like “Ummmm we need a sad and dramatic end, this will work!!!”. And it just felt so unsatisfying and empty. Again like kids playing pretend and then they decide a character dies or gets amnesia to be dramatic. I was already not a fan of the series arc here (or lack thereof) and this really cemented it as the worst arc in revived Doctor Who so far for me. I see why RTD’s mystery box phrase might not be for everyone but at least they all led to something. “The Hybrid” was just a phrase that kept be dangled over our heads and ultimately meant nothing. It’s like a McGuffin but worse. It’s not an object to move the plot, it’s just nothing. “Oh no, Clara, through my selfish actions, I see now that I am the Hybrid!” No. It just felt like a contrivance made to get the Time Lords angry with the Doctor and it turns out they caused their own problems by bringing the Doctor to them and he ended up being their worst nightmare. There should be something poetic or ironic in that but it didn’t feel concrete enough for me to care. Ummmmm things I liked: -Another gender-swap regeneration, that was cool. Also T’nia Miller! I recognised her from Sex Education. -I always like seeing Ashildr and the Doctor muse over immortality. I liked seeing her at the end of the universe, even some of their musings over the Hybrid were kinda interesting. -Some of the Doctor’s dialogue before losing his memory was funny, like never eating pears. 9.X2: The Husbands of River Song This was quite a fun special! Definitely needed after how series 9 ended. The robot with the replaceable heads was fun, didn’t know this was when we first meet Nardole and it was nice to have River back. Her characterisation felt slightly off to me, like she was a bit too zany. But it’s probably just been a while since I’ve last seen her. Her not recognising the Doctor felt a bit too drawn out for me but the scene where she realises it is lovely. As is her ending scene, even if it sliiiiiightly goes against canon but whatever. I don’t know how to feel about her certainty that the Doctor never loved her. I myself did doubt their romantic connection as it more so felt like we were being TOLD they were a couple rather than believably showing it. I do believe the Doctor can fall in love but that it’s very rare and probably in a manner that humans might not appreciate. I think he was a monolith who loved her back but probably just not to the extent she wanted. So series 9 didn’t feel as cohesive in theme compared to series 8. I really liked many of the individual episodes but it didn’t feel like the series was really about anything. And that’s confirmed when we learn the Hybrid is basically nothing. I wish Clara got a better send-off, seeing her fly off in her own TARDIS with Ashildr just fell flat for me. We still got some great stories here if you just ignore the Hybrid arc.

#Doctor Who #Doctor Who series 9 #Doctor Who recap

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enigmaincrimson · 7 years

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So... I’ve been looking at the Myst Verse and thinking of how encounters between that verse and the Doctor Who verse might go...

Long post alert...

For a Start, the D’ni use a form of multiversal travel. Low footprint, deceptively simple to use, and requires very little energy.

Due to how these links work... I doubt the Gallifreyans would be even able to notice them mucking about unless something big happens... and even then it’s like comparing the tiniest bit of ice on the top of a gigantic iceberg.

You’d have better odds having the Doctor parking his TARDIS in your backyard at this exact moment than a Time Lord and D’ni encounter.

Okay... so you are wondering why in the world I am able to say something like this, but the reason is simple... It comes down to the dramatic differences between their key technology.

For a start, a Linking book relies on a descriptive book to create the actual connection to a location. The better the description of the place the author wishes to go, the more likely things might happen exactly as they are described.

However... there is still variation. Like say... someone described Gallifrey in a descriptive book. Even if they described everything down to the last speck of dust... it could be any possibility that fits the words on the page... might not even be Gallifrey, but one that happens to look like Gallifrey or even Gallifrey from another timeline... You’d never know until that first Link is made.

Of course... considering that if the descriptive book is compromised it would eventually cause the decay and destruction of the “age” it connects with constant use, a simpler “linking book” is provided for constant use. Linking books mostly working more like a set of coordinates that reference back to the descriptive book. If the “linking book” is lost or destroyed... more can be easily made or provided.

This of course results in their 10,000 year long stretch of civilization looking more like a single outpost ran by a bunch of sunlight challenged humanoids that just popped up on some uninhabited planet overnight followed by them vanishing with nothing more than the ruins of the structures they built as traces of their existence.

However... if we’re talking more recent events and the mischief of a certain part-D’ni writer and a certain race she has dealings with... then we can say the odds of encounters are much higher.

In this case, we (Modern explorers) have a special type of linking book called a Relto book.

To get to the point... I need to explain why Relto books are rather strange by D’ni standards:

The “age” that the books link to are personalized... they’re all unique to each copy. I get a copy, you get a copy, they’re both alternate possibilities of the same place.

The books travel with the user. Normally when a Linking book is used, the user is transported with anything they have on them and the book is left behind.

They can link to themselves. Sounds a bit strange, but... apparently the D’ni think that isn’t exactly something can be done. It’s like the TARDIS using itself as the destination. It’s weird and seems completely bonkers, Relto books can do this just fine.

They also can be freely modified without consequence. Sure... it’s with the aid of adding, enabling, and disabling special glyphs that can be tacked onto the pages, but normal Linking books would break if you tried that.

I’d also like to mention that the bookshelf in the library is also important to note. For a start, each book on the shelf comes into shape the moment the user uses a link and can contain information on multiple Links to the same location.

Like... say you showed up in the city square with one case and another time you ended up on a balcony with another, the copy of the linking book on the shelf would have record of both for the user to utilize at will.

Also... the way it uses these links is interesting... namely, that the recorded instance of the location is different than another. In other words... if someone used one of the books in the city and another from their Relto library... they’d never meet as the explorers ended up in alternate versions of the same place.

In other words, the odds of things just happening to line up goes up considerably.

Then we get into the weirder stuff... namely the race the D’ni call the Bahro... and the explorers call the Least.

Unlike the D’ni with their strict writing systems and adherence to tight rules and regulations... the Bahro pretty much can go anywhere they wish like a living multiversal TARDIS due to their ability to freely link at will. Not really the most accurate description for multiverse hopping reality warpers, but close enough.

Of course, their freedom from D’ni slavery, experimentation by rogue D’ni... some incidents involving explorers and research staff, and other things... relations between them and humans is a bit... divided.

Taking both factions into account... I really wouldn’t put it past them say... snatching a bunch of people out of space and time and dropping them off somewhere in order to work things out themselves especially if it involves D’ni technology they themselves cannot approach.

Yes... being snatched like this out of the blue does happen. Not often, but it happens.

As for the Grower... that is another point of conflict.

Think of the Grower as a messiah figure in D’ni prophecy written by someone known as the Watcher.

Of course... it’s rather debated about who it would be outside of a few specific details that clearly indicate however it is would have escaped the limits of the art.

They can link at will.

They can travel through time.

They will return light to the cavern which has now gone dark.

Other achievements that even a master of the art cannot do.

Considering the sheer value of the position... it hasn’t really been surprising that a good many candidates as well as fakes over the years.

A D’ni male called Kadish built an age to convince people he could travel through time and converted another into a factory to produce fertilizer pellets to stimulate the bacterial life in the city’s lake in order to restore light. He died during the fall of D’ni... trapped in his own treasure vault.

A D’ni male called Esher was convinced he was this person as he found a way to link at will with the aid of skin patch removed from a still living Bahro. Unsurprisingly... the Bahro weren’t too happy about this and they carried him off not that long after they regained their freedom. Current status unknown.

Of course, most explorers are convinced that a part D’ni woman by the name of Yeesha is the real grower due to the feats she has displayed over the years... from the creation of the Relto books to her being able to freely link without outside aid. However... nobody has seen her since her speech on November the 4th, 2007 when she explained the situation with the Bahro.

The only signs she’s probably still alive is the fact that new Relto books keep showing up even after her disappearance.

#inevitabilis-sors #inevitabilissors #long post

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johannesviii · 7 years

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Earthworld

Some highlights of the last EDA I’ve read (Earthworld).

I took these screens while reading, along with my reactions. As usual, this is full of spoilers.

This is exactly what everyone needed after the Earth arc, and especially after Escape Velocity and Anji’s lackluster characterisation. She’s reintroduced in this book, and what a wonderful addition to that TARDIS team! And the book tackles the topic of Dave’s death, where the previous one kinda refused to do so before sending Anji directly into space.

Come to think of it, the book tackles a lot of things it didn’t have to, and succeeds, too. Eight’s responsability in the destruction of Gallifrey constantly threatens to make a comeback in his mind. The issue of Fitz being a copy of the original Fitz is discussed at last - a thing all the books since Interference failed to do properly (including The Ancestor Cell). Come to think of it, Earthworld might just be the best Fitz book so far, which is a baffling thing to me considering that’s his twentieth book!

The plot itself is mostly a good runaround in an amazingly fun setting - it never really threatens to be more than that, but it’s still pretty refreshing. It’s a great standalone book, a fun romp, a very good character piece ; it works on nearly every level. What a breath of fresh air. 8,5/10

My bad, I seem to have picked the novelisation of An Unearthly Child.

We’re only on page one and I’ve already laughed out loud once. Good sign.

I just had a flashback of the scene from Memory Lane where Charley tries to use a mobile phone, and I imagined these two dorks trying to have a conversation over mobile phones and I’m giggling

Also Anji thinking Fitz and Eight are embarrassing idiots gives me life

This is a 3 out of 10 on the scale of Bad Ideas.

WE’RE ONLY THREE PAGES INTO THIS STORY AND I’VE ALREADY SAID “IDIOTS” THREE TIMES

Oh my god Eight

Thank you for your precious contribution Doctor

FITZ NO

Are you telling me that the Doctor can only use the sonic as long as he’s distracted and babbling about special interests now

Because that really speaks to me as a person

Meanwhile Anji is trying to cope with Dave’s death by writing him emails and this shouldn’t be that funny

Oh no he still has some memories of Sam and he doesn’t realise it

Okay so I need to make this t-shirt right now immediately

One thing I don’t really like about the writing is that some dialogues are entirely one-sided. It’s not the best example, but in some scenes you only get half the dialogue and it’s very strange.

We’re all very happy for you Doctor but why are you so happy about that

OH SHIT HAHAHA that’s a great idea!

Wait a f█cking second

Is this some sort of Disneyland very loosely based on Earth

I love you Anji

That girl must be a New Who fan who calls Ten “the second Doctor” probably

I probably should smile but I’m actually sad

That coat has only a few hours left to live & I have zero doubts about this

Here’s a better example of what I was saying earlier about having only one side of a dialogue. It makes scenes shorter, true, but it’s very distracting.

I’m laughing but I’m also pretty sure people from 3000 years ago would laugh their asses off if they could see some of our reconstructions of their lives

I still love you Anji

1) A++ description of McGann’s voice

2) That last bit was Not Okay

Also here’s Anji trying to determine which Jungle Book character suits the Doctor best and it looks like a long shitpost

First I laughed about Fitz being the orang-utan, and then I remembered that character really wants to be human and I abruptly stopped laughing

You were on Earth and you didn’t see Blade Runner when it came out? Aw

“he mentally kicked himself for not even being able to look at a babe without thinking of the Doctor” I’m screaming

How did you guess

Only every three months?

Considering it’s been 30 books since Seeing I, and taking into account the fact that I almost wrote “TOO SOON”, we can safely assume that I will never, ever be over Seeing I

I absolutely love this conversation, and also sky-blue pink is still a color, just an impossible one, and it’s quite pretty

Holy sHIT TALK ABOUT MOOD WHIPLASH

OH NOOOO, HELP, CUTE

THIS SHOULDN’T BE THAT F█CKING FUNNY

HE JUST SLIPPED IN THE DAMN BLOOD WHY AM I LAUGHING SO HARD

Unfortunately this is what popped first into my mind before the most logical explanation for their names

9847221° friendly reminder that I absolutely love Eight

FITZ NO

This book makes me laugh way too often this isn’t fair

Oh the indignity

Fitz no. Just. No.

I just choked on my cereals

1) They think Aristophanes plays are cookbooks and they aren’t even questioning this, like, how does that fucking work

2) Fitz once got trapped in the classical section of the TARDIS library

3) for two days

4) for two DAYS

5) and decided to read old plays just in case there was some sex scenes in them

holy shit

there’s genuine tears of laughter in my eyes

This book is quite the emotional rollercoaster isn’t it

Okay so that explains quite a few things. Fitz is with the originals, then.

THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR TRYING TO CONVINCE PEOPLE YOU’RE A ROCK STAR FITZ KREINER

I shouldn’t be laughing so hard

I’m still laughing but I’m also so happy for him

Live the dream, Fitz, live the dream

Well except it wasn’t technically you, except it was, except it wasn’t

HOLY SHIT ARE WE FINALLY GOING TO ADDRESS THIS PROPERLY?!

NOT

F█CKING

ALLOWED

OUCH

Addressing a disturbing trend in SF! Good!

Well to be fair, theropods are sorta like big swans

1) Eggy-put Zone

2) Dozens of cats

Hey wait a f█cking second that’s not the same sphinx okay that’s a whole different mythology, also I’m laughing again, this book is probably adding quite a few extra months to my lifespan

Friendly reminder that I love Anji

Which would definitely work on you, Doctor, just a reminder

Meanwhile, in Not Okay Land

At the moment? Not much

I... sorry there’s a thing in my eye

I’m so happy for him

HA HAHAHA

SPOKE TOO SOON F█CK

Back to a place I haven’t been to in a long time, aka “want to hug Fitz and rock back and forth” street

Meanwhile Fitz is doing the same thing to a small crocodile

STORY OF MY F█CKING LIFE

Listen Eight I'm still not ready for The Turing Test references at this point and you’re making me really sad so please stop

Here’s a quick update on the “Johannes loves Anji” situation

Keep this poster for the TARDIS

Something is extremely wrong

Meanwhile, in “Eight finds new and interesting ways to hurt himself”

Oh so that Fitz was an android, then.

Every time I think this book can’t get more bonkers, I’m proven wrong

I would pay money to see a tv version of this damn scene

I shouldn’t laugh but I can’t help it

“HE WAS GOING TO HAVE TO PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT HE WAS DOING WHILE HE WAS DISTRACTED”

Unexpected Dark Eyes: The Great War feels

WE HAVE A WINNER, FOLKS

I DON’T THINK FITZ IS EVER GOING TO BEAT THAT AS FAR AS “EMBARRASSING MOMENTS” GO, THAT ONE PUTS “GETTING MUGGED BY A UNICORN FOR A CHOCOLATE BAR” TO SHAME

His life is so full of horrible things that his only reaction to being locked up in a cell with a corpse is “at least it’s not rotting yet”.

Oh shit they found about the TARDIS that can’t be good

“Nothing good could possibly be called ‘the machine’”

NOT. F█CKING. OKAY.

This is stressful but also fascinating??

Good. Good.

You’re not telepathic Fitz Kreiner so I doubt she got all that

I completely forgot he had lost his trousers and now I’m laughing again

Told ya

You can’t swim? You can’t swim?? You go through time and space and you can even spacewalk but you can’t swim????

Anji is unexpectedly strong

I’m so happy he still remembers Iris on some level even if he couldn’t recognise her in Father Time

1) Hugs

2) Hugs are good

3) Anji huddled in Eight’s velvet coat

4) “he seemed to count in her head as another girl”

Filed under “need to draw at some point”

Marlin and Lancelet

I have no words

Eight plays “Marlin” because of course he is

Also I’m not screening everything but Anji was brilliant

BAD IDEA

VERY BAD IDEA

9 OUT OF 10 ON MY SCALE OF BAD IDEAS

FOR ONCE I AGREE WITH FITZ

NOOOOOOO

This is so damn weird. Funny and stressful at the same time.

Eight is reliving the memories of the dead queen and it is so f█cking weird

In a good way but still

YES BUT I DON’T WANT TO ALARM ANYONE BUT THEY WERE STILL CONNECTED TO THE THING SO I EXPECT SOME SIDE-EFFECTS

HAHAHA

Also “to Fitz’s incredulous horror”

Uh guys

Guys if he thinks he’s dead now, shouldn’t you worry about that or something

I told yoU GODDAMMIT

“quietly pleased”

Oh, that explains quite a lot, actually.

I just realised Anji’s was only coping thanks to pure adrenaline and constant distractions since Dave’s death and she’s inevitably going to crack sooner or later once everything is solved here.

AND STRAIGHT BACK TO THE BAD IDEAS

Hmmm cute?? Not acceptable? Thank you

The TARDIS did a very good job and all is well.

Every time that happened before, that person died, Fitz

Crisis averted.

I’m getting surprisingly emotional about all this

Well I’m really f█cking sad now

Don’t make me cry please Anji oh no

The butterfly room is still there but is now empty after all the butterflies were nailed to that door in The Ancestor Cell and I’m getting teary but also kinda happy, this feeling is extremely confusing

A++ ending, goddammit that last scene was wonderful

#Eighth Doctor #Fitz Kreiner #Anji Kapoor #eighth doctor adventures #Earthworld #EDAs #doctor who #long post #An EDA liveblog full of useless comments #gif #caps lock #violence tw #sex mention tw #(very mild)#(but better safe than sorry)

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