#when later bloomers are just now realizing things abt themselves

[munamania]

i cant totally hate tiktok bc it did just give me some insight on something ive been agonizing over for a while

#it pointed out how a lot of ppl that came out early or at least knew they were gay are sorta thrown into a crisis #when later bloomers are just now realizing things abt themselves #and bc we weren't ever rlly adapted to 'conforming' and were used to some level of being different it just #throws a lot of things into question. and i think thats what a lot of my identity crisis has been #gender is still weird and whatever but like. i was most upset being surrounded by my weird floormates and then like #idk. seeing experimenting ppl even tho its a totally fair thing to do. and being jealous that they still go ahead and get attention #from men and use their kissing girls as a fun little thing #i mean. that is invalidating and a bit of a separate issue that rlly pissed me off lol but such is life #anyway i just think it explains a lot. not to be all coming of age movie but ive known i was different for a long time and never rlly tried #to pretend and im rlly rlly fortunate and privileged to have been able to just exist like i recognize that #but also it's made things rlly rlly weird since im coming to a place where a lot of ppl dont know these things and are questioning #and ofc theres no problem w that! it's just a bit difficult never having other ppl that do feel comfortable with non-conformity #i think that makes sense. bc it does make me feel like an outside. not as much when it's other queer/questioning ppl #but yeah. idk #in middle/hs i had people around me that were also gay and trans etc and/or were at least used to their friends being out #so like. college is fucking weird! it feels backwards to me lol #anywho that was a rant but ya #abby talks