#which ismaking me really like on edge and restless

[awsugar]

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#im too depressed to even watch tv #for like the past two months #i sit here for hours doing nothing and then i go to bed #and then i do more of nothing #the only thing i do is go to work #literally ever at all #unless my dad decides to buy me alcohol #or i just get high in my room #but when i cant even watch tv i dont even want to get high #because i dont know what to do with myself #and i havent been drinking since new years anyway #i am actively trting to change that #but like its even worse now #cause im on prednisone for my lamictal rash #which ismaking me really like on edge and restless #so i cant even go to sleep even though im tired #cause its pointless #i have litereally been sitting here for hours not done a thing #not reading not watching anything not scrolling apps #just staring at my computer waiting for something to change #and its not going to #and like the root of it all is that im severely depressed #and want to die #but my medication keeps me on just the right side of not killing myself #so i havent #but i WANT to die #because there is not a single positive in my life right now #but instead i just sit here #and wonder when it ends #and if theres any doctor or medication that could actualyl help me