#while the choir was doing their two a capella verses of 'were you there?' | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

imladiris · 4 years

Text

Sleeping At Last - Carnival of Aros July 2020 submission

One of the most influential musical artists in my life is Sleeping At Last. I discovered his work close to three years ago, when I was struggling with burnout due to my studies, and found much comfort in his lyrics. I couldn’t have imagined that two years later, Sleeping At Last would help me through another, very different struggle: coming to terms with being aromantic.

I took longer than most to figure out my orientation. I grew up having squishes and strong feelings for my closest friends, all of which, for lack of a better word, I called “crushes”. However wrong and unnatural it felt to me, I didn’t know any other way to express those feelings than through romance, and having a naturally self-effacing personality, I accepted that this was just how my life would be. My own comfort zone didn’t matter; romance was what everyone was supposed to do, myself included, so I acted it out. Until one day, I had to face the reality that I just wasn’t cut out for it.

That realisation - that I wouldn’t get the “happily ever after” I’d assumed was waiting for me, that my feelings don’t fit the usual script, that they are considered “too strong” to be platonic yet undeniably not romantic - hit hard. To be honest, I still struggle with it sometimes. But this is where Sleeping At Last comes in. Though he is not an aro artist, and though many of his songs are (likely) intended as romantic, I have found a lot of comfort in reinterpreting them to fit my experience. In this post I would like to offer a personal analysis of one of my favourites, Nine, and discuss how it reflects my relationship with aromanticism and the concept of love.

Nine was written as part of Sleeping At Last’s Enneagram series. I am an enneagram type nine, so I related to this song even before I started applying it to aromanticism. The gentle, melancholic, and tentatively building accompaniment underscores the feeling of nervously accepting one’s true self. It starts with a single voice, asking: who am I?

Who am I to say What any of this means?

This is how my own questioning process started - by not understanding myself, and not understanding what romance is, how attraction works, what my emotions should be called. Who am I to define something I don’t even think I feel?

I have been sleepwalking Since I was fourteen

Now as I write my song I retrace my steps Honestly it’s easier To let myself forget

Still I check my vital signs Choked up I realise I’ve been less than half myself For more than half my life

I buried my aromanticism for so long that I almost forgot it was there. I wanted to forget it was there. I never asked to be different from my peers, to be the orientation stereotyped as “cold” and “unfeeling”, so I hid it. It was difficult to peel back all the layers and realise that, in all my attempts to fit in, I had denied myself a fundamental part of who I am.

While the first verse of Nine is a capella, the second is accompanied by piano, and strings join in with the third, as if feelings that were hidden until now are being given a voice. Together, these new instruments lead into the chorus:

Wake up Fall in love again Wage war on gravity There’s so much worth fighting for, you’ll see Another domino falls Either way

These lines speak to me as a call to find meaning in who I am and what I feel. However heavy the “gravity” - amatonormativity and arophobia - weighing me down is, being myself is worth it. I particularly like the idea of falling in love “again”, as finding renewed value in non-romantic love (whether for friends, family, hobbies, or just life in general) is a big part of my own aromanticism.

Now the choir joins in and the music swells, still bittersweet, but more hopeful:

It looks like empathy To understand all sides But I’m just trying to Find myself through Someone else’s eyes

So show me what to do To restart this heart of mine How do I forgive myself For losing so much time?

Again, these verses’ theme is trying too hard to fit in. The last two lines hit in a particularly personal place, since it took until my mid-twenties to realise that I’m aro. Seeing all the people in the community who knew themselves from a much younger age, I can’t help but regret that I didn’t realise this earlier. And now that I do know - how do I go forward with this? How do I restart in a way that honours my true self?

Wake up Roll up your sleeves There’s a chain reaction in your heart Muscle memory remembering who you are

Stand up And fall in love again and again and again Wage war on gravity There’s so much worth fighting for, you’ll see Another domino falls And another domino falls

Here the music becomes truly uplifting, with the message that we do have power to be ourselves. Nobody can deny their true nature forever. It takes work and courage, especially in the face of a society that doesn’t believe I exist, but there is hope. I can do this. My aromanticism is worth fighting for.

A little at a time I feel more alive I’ll let this scale tip And feel all of it It’s uncomfortable but right

And we were born to try To see each other through To know and love ourselves And others well Is the most difficult and meaningful work We’ll ever do.

To me, these final lines are about how real love honours who we are. The romantic love that I tried to feel for so long may have been what others wanted, but it didn’t honour me. By forcing myself into a role that was contrary to my nature, I didn’t love myself for who I was. “Uncomfortable but right” really is the best way to put it: coming to terms with my aromanticism was terrifying, but it’s also freeing in a way that I never could’ve imagined. And all in all, I’m happier now for it.

youtube

#this is my first carnival of aros submission ayyy #carnival of aros #actually aromantic #aromantic #actually aroace #aroace

29 notes · View notes

feadae · 6 years

Text

@bliss-delight-jr Here are the song recs you requested! The list ended up being kinda comically long; way too long to put in a reply, so here it is (you asked for bops and jams and I added a bunch of bangers too bc I have a ton of bangers in my playlists and not many jams)

-“Topsy Turvy” from Hunchback of Notre Dame – movie and musical versions are both amazing, but the movie version is more of a consistent bop; the musical version is just a few clicks slower and is split in half by two numbers, which are both amazing, but don’t have the feel of a bop) -“Roundtable Rival” by Lindsey Stirling – a freaking JAM and also a BANGER -“Thrift Shop” by Vitamin String Quartet – a JAM -“La Llorona” from Coco – not a bop, a jam, or a banger, but like, it’s so GOOD -“The Court of Miracles” from Hunchback – again, the movie and musical versions are both great, and I’ve actually been using the musical version to get me up and moving in the morning, but the movie version is WAY more of a bop in terms of tempo and general feel; in the musical, Clopin sort of relishes having caught Quasi and Phoebus and the song is a slower kind of menacing, but in the movie, Clopin revels in being about to kill the Boys and the song is fast and bouncy and lively and a bop -“I’m the One That’s Cool” by The Guild feat. Felicia Day – a banger if I’ve ever heard one -“96,000” from In the Heights – a bop -“Carnaval del Barrio” from In the Heights – a jam that becomes a bop that becomes a banger -“The Rocky Road to Dublin” by The High Kings – a BOP -“Facade” from Jekyll and Hyde – closest to bop? I judge the difference between bops, jams, and bangers by the kind of movements that I naturally make when I hear the songs, and I make “banger” movements when I listen to “Facade,” but there’s something in my brain that’s telling me it’s too lively to be a banger, so I don’t know. It’s good, regardless. -“Murder, Murder” from Jekyll and Hyde – now this is a banger, for sure. A musical theater banger. -“Joy of the Lord” from Hands on a Hardbody – first, that’s a hardbody TRUCK. Don’t get any ideas. And “Joy of the Lord” is kinda repetitive, but it’s such a bop; I love it -“Born in Laredo” from Hands on a Hardbody – somewhere between a jam and a banger; this is an angry ballad, and I’m LIVING for it -“Can’t Sleep Love” by Pentatonix – somewhere between a jam and a bop -“Tavern Song (Thai Mol Piyas)” from Hunchback of Notre Dame – now this one is only in the musical, but the chorus is such a bop! The verses are closer to a jam and the whole song is so good. Fun fact: it’s the only song in the whole show that includes a language that is not English, Latin, or French! -“Esmeralda” from Hunchback of Notre Dame – I’m so sorry that there’s so much Hunchback on here, but it’s Alan Menken and Stephen Schwartz’s fault for writing such Damn Good Music, and I’m a little obsessed rn since I’m in the thing. But “Esmeralda” is the Act I finale and it’s a musical theater BANGER. I get CHILLS every time. -“Un Poco Loco” from Coco – a bop, pure and simple. It’s so cute. -“Istanbul” by They Might Be Giants – also a bop. Very catchy. Fun fact: the first time I heard this song it was a Barbershop cover on YouTube, and for a solid five years I didn’t understand that it was a cover and not an original, bc I’d never heard the original and I’d never heard of They Might Be Giants, so I figured it was the name of the quartet the guy singing it was in (it was one of those quartet-with-yourself things YouTube vocalists love but I digress). I also didn’t get the concept of YouTube cover artists arranging their own covers if they wanted to genre-bend, so I was v disappointed when I couldn’t find the sheet music for my own Barbershop quartet to sing at contest -“I See Fire” by Peter Hollens – a jam -“Help!” by The Beatles – a bop -“All for the Best” from Godspell – a very fun bop that plays on multiple meanings of the phrase “all for the best” and there are some pretty dang cute videos of high school productions of this one -“Alas for You” from Godspell – a BANGER. A righteous-anger BANGER. If I recall the plot of the show correctly, this is Jesus losing it in the temple that folks turned into a marketplace. -“Flip Flop and Fly” by Ellis Hall – the first place I heard this was in Chicken Run as a kid, and I don’t know if it was written specifically for the movie or not. All I know is that it’s a futzing BOP. -“Flintstones” by Jacob Collier – a BOP. -“What the Heck I Gotta Do” from 21 Chump Street – 21 Chump Street is a 15-minute mini-musical written & composed by Lin-Manuel Miranda, based on a true story, and “What the Heck I Gotta Do” is such a cute bop. -“Run, Freedom, Run!” from Urinetown – Yes that’s what the musical is called. It’s an Experience. “Run, Freedom, Run!” is a BOP, though. -“Cop Song” from Urinetown – A bop that becomes a banger -“Jet Set” from Catch Me If You Can – a BOP. Honestly this whole musical is so good. It’s a bit like Cheez-Its in that you kind of forget about it when you’ve got more interesting options available, but then you choose it and you’re like, “I forgot how good this was!” That’s Catch Me. And yes, it’s based on the Leo DiCaprio movie. -“Somebody’s Eyes” from Footloose: the Musical – I don’t really have strong feelings about this musical, but “Somebody’s Eyes” is fun. It’s a jam. -“Jolly Holiday” from Mary Poppins: the Musical – A bop. Mary Poppins the movie was my CHILDHOOD and I got really excited when I heard that it was a musical too, and I love the musical. They add huge chunks to the songs that aren’t in the movie, but they sound good and stand pretty well on their own. “Supercal” and “Step in Time” get honorable mentions, because I adore them both, but the musical versions don’t really fit into the bop/jam/banger categories. I 100% recommend watching a video of “Step in Time” though; the choreography is KILLER. -“We Go Together” by David Tennant and Catherine Tate – this is a bonus track on the soundtrack for the Much Ado About Nothing where David and Catherine were Benedick and Beatrice, and this song is such a cute bop that encapsulates the Beatrice/Benedick dynamic really well. It’s great and I kinda wanna see if I can convince a future boyfriend to sing it with me. -“Moon Goddess” by Jocelyn Hagen – this is a choir piece, and you wouldn’t expect a choir piece to be a banger, but “Moon Goddess” is a BANGER. Trust me. -“Godzilla Eats Las Vegas” by Eric Whitacre – it’s a concert band piece and I guess it could maybe be a banger but I really just want you to listen to it because it’s exactly what it sounds like and it’s HILARIOUS. -“Incantation and Dance” by John Barnes Chance – another concert band piece, and kinda long, but it’s a jam that becomes a banger, and it’s spoopy too; perfect for Halloween Season -“The Typewriter” by Leroy Anderson – a concert band piece where the primary soloist plays an Actual Literal Typewriter and it’s great. A bop. -“Livin’ It Up on Top” from Hadestown – a BOP. The musical is one of those concept-album musicals and it’s a Great-Depression-era retelling of the Orpheus and Euridice story and it’s GREAT. -“Way Down Hadestown” from Hadestown – also a bop -“Our Lady of the Underground” from Hadestown – Persephone gets to start Act II with a kickass solo and it’s a JAM. I adore it and I really wanna sing it for a hypothetical voice recital -“You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid” by The Offspring – a BANGER -“When You’re Evil” by Aurelio Voltaire – a JAM. A SPOOPY jam. -“The Devil Went Down to Georgia” by The Charlie Daniels Band – a bop and a banger all at once. I adore it. -“Down in New Orleans” from The Princess and the Frog – both the reprise and the original are such good bops, but I especially love the reprise because Anika Noni Rose’s voice is ANGELIC. -“Through Heaven’s Eyes” from The Prince of Egypt – I adore this whole soundtrack with my whole soul, but “Through Heaven’s Eyes” is the only song that really fits into a bop/jam/banger category, and that only barely. It’s a bop if you squint, but regardless it’s really good and I love it. -“The Mad Hatter” from Wonderland – a musical theater banger. The new Mad Hatter is a woman, and she’s a mezzo-soprano, so you know what that means: a jazzy introduction song where she gets to belt her heart out and it’s great. -“I Will Prevail” from Wonderland – the Mad Hatter’s other solo, also a banger, goes even harder than the first one, because It’s Act Two, Bitches, Shit’s Gettin’ Real -“I’ll Think of You” by Kurt Hugo Schneider – a cute little a capella bop. I definitely recommend watching the video on this one because the patty-cake thing the singers do while singing is really impressive and really cute. -“Oh, the Thinks You Can Think” from Seussical the Musical – listen this musical is so cute, and I’d love to play Gertrude McFuzz, because she’s so cute, but I’d ESPECIALLY love to play the Cat in the Hat, because he falls into the category of Chaotic Good/Chaotic Neutral, Spritely Character Where Gender Doesn’t Matter in Casting (others in this category include Puck from Midsummer, Ariel from The Tempest, and Clopin from Hunchback—all characters I want to play). And this song is the opening number and it’s a really fun bop. -“Tango: Maureen” from RENT – a jam. Makes me want to learn how to tango. -“La Vie Boheme” from RENT – a BANGER. -“The Road Goes On” from The Lord of the Rings: the Musical – YES, this is a real musical. YES, I’m as excited as you are. This song is a bop, through and through. -“Both Sides of the Coin” from The Mystery of Edwin Drood – a BOP. The whole musical is wonderful and I love it and you should listen to it (have the Wikipedia summary pulled up while you do; since it’s based on a book that never technically ends, since Dickens died before he could finish it, the musical is a solve-it-yourself with multiple endings, where the audience picks the ending every night) -“Be Good or Be Gone” from Pump Boys and Dinettes – somewhere between a bop and a banger -“Papaoutai” by Pentatonix feat. Lindsey Stirling – a bop -“Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive” by Bing Crosby feat. The Andrews Sisters – a cute little bop -“Hobbit Drinking Medley” by Peter Hollens feat. Hank Green – such a bop. So cute. I really like the video -“Independence!” from The Trail to Oregon – this is a StarKid one, and it’s so fun. A bop. -“Rogues Are We” from Holy Musical B@man! – more StarKid. Closer to a banger. Especially fun to sing along when you’re alone in the car and you can belt out all the notes in all the character voices with no one to give you a funny look for it *I was trying not to do this, but just anything by Celtic Woman. It’s all so good! -“Finnegan’s Wake” by The High Kings – such a BOP, good LORD. -“Way Ahead of My Time” from Taxi Cabaret – it’s a bop, and it’s sung by a gay caveman. That is all you need to know. (There are a bunch of really good professional versions but I found a high schooler called Wyatt Walberg on YouTube doing it for his school and his version is really good) -“Any Kind of Dead Person” from Ghost Quartet – a BOP. And another spoopy bop, no less. -“Alive” by Skipinnish – I don’t remember where I first heard this, and my brain is telling me there’s a distinct probability that either you or Sock recommended it to me (OH I think it’s in a playlist one of y’all made for CotIG), so if you already know about it, then this is a reminder to listen to it again, because isn’t it so good?! A bop. -“Danger On the Dance Floor” by The Cog is Dead – A BANGER. A TANGO. A GREAT STORY. WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT. -“Nicknackatory” by Mr. B, the Gentleman Rapper – so apparently gentleman rap (I think it’s called chap-hop, which makes me really happy) is an actual genre, and I love it with all my heart. This is hilarious. A bop.

So...yeah

#cali.txt #song recommendations #bliss-delight-jr

13 notes · View notes

fleurie3am15inspo · 5 years

Text

Merry Christmas Peteyypie!

Hey there! @peteyypie 😄 You can call me Fleurie and I'm your Secret Santa! I really hope you enjoy this little fic cuz I did my best ^-^ and I really hope that you have the best Christmas this year! 😇 maybe we can be friends? Well, without further ado, I present to you

Serendipitous Duet

Setting: Queens High School

The bell rings and a young lady sleeping on her desk jolts awake with a snort. She covers her mouth with her hand and scans the room for any laughs at her mishap. There weren't any.

Mentally sighing, she grabs her book bag and leaves the classroom. Once again, she was invisible. Moving tended to be like that; the new girl was the most popular kid in school for a week, then once the novelty wore off it's almost as if she's never existed. It made finding friends a bit of a challenge.

But when she did…

“Alice!”

She smiled, she had known that voice anywhere. “Hey, Peter.”

When she did, she knew she had a best friends. Peter bounded out of a nearby classroom and swung his arm over Alice.

“What's new, Alley Cat?”

“Don't you dare-”

“Whooooaaaahhh!” Peter sang with a big goofy grin on his face. Several students turned his way but that smile never left his face. Alice giggled and playfully shoved him away.

“Save it for the stage, nerd. You're putting Tom Jones to shame.”

Puffing out his chest proudly he replies, “Au contraire, I happen to think I sound like a nightingale. And Aunt May thinks I sound like an angel.”

“She's your aunt, she has to love your voice,” Alice says. They made their way out of the high school and towards the bus area. Alice regularly commuted to school while Peter had his own modes of transportation. It was strange considering she had never seen him with a car. “So, you excited for the concert?”

“Actually, I was just about to ask you the same thing.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, “Have you reconsidered doing the show? I mean, it is for a grade.”

“I can always redo it in Ms. Cooper’s office later. I'm only in it to sing, not to perform. It's just not really my thing, y’know?”

“I know, it's just that it won't sound the same without you there.”

“Yeah,” she scoffed, “it'll sound better.”

“That's not true and you know it,” a mild look of annoyance flashed across his face but quickly disappeared. “You sound great, Alice. If you're scared, then I'll help you.”

“Don’t you already have enough on your plate? With the engineering team, college courses, applications, and wherever the heck you disappear to all the time?” My bus was already pulling up to the school. Kids were trying to pack themselves in there like sardines. I swallowed a grimace and turned back to Peter. “Thanks for the offer, but I really don't know.”

“Well, let me know if you change your mind. I'll be here. I'll make time for you. I promise.”

The line was moving forward, “Thanks, Pete. I'll give you a call later.”

“See ya!”

That was two weeks ago. Now, upon the eve of the concert, Alice was second, third, and even fourth guessing her decision. All she could think about was how she even agreed to participate in the stupid Christmas concert in the first place.

But it was Peter who asked her to. He didn't force her. He wanted her there. And somewhere along the line, she had found herself wanting the same thing. She wanted to perform. She wanted to be up there. For him. With him…..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

During the Christmas season, schools across the country often put on small concerts for the community. They usually showcased what the art departments had been working on with their students. The orchestra and drill teams had already performed the Thursday before, now it was time for the choir.

Despite her teasings, Peter had a really nice voice. It's just friendship 101 to pretend otherwise. The choir director tried hard to not pick favorites, but who could resist Peter? With his boyish charm and happy go lucky attitude, it would be a mistake to not have him front and center.

Even with getting assigned more solos than anyone else, or the constant praise, he stayed humble. And Alice really admired that about him. On her first day of class, she didn't get to talk to him much. Everyone was swarming her with questions like ‘where was she from’ or ‘why does she have an accent’ (She didn't, for the record. Everyone upstate had one. As far as she was concerned, she was normal.) Just standard new kid interrogation. Class had begun, humming gently into the opening notes of the carol “Hark the Herald Angels Sing”. She was instructed to stand in the back and follow along, chiming in when she felt comfortable.

Alright. Time for the judge fest.

Alice loved to sing. The only problem was that her voice didn't quite fit in. Alone, she sounded wonderful. But in a group, she stood out. Imagine a piccolo and a French horn section. Technically, they could play a melody in harmony, but the piccolo stood out. And sometimes standing out wasn't a good thing. At least not in her experiences.

She could already feel the stares.

About halfway through the first verse, she noticed a pair of brown eyes peeking back at her from the front row a few times. It was Peter. Every so often, he'd look back and flash her a smile or a quick thumbs up. A small gesture, but an encouraging one all the same.

After class, he had to speak with the director so she didn't get a chance to talk to him. The next day, though, he was waiting for her. It was another challenging session, but his little thumbs up made her feel better. He had even thrown in exaggerated lip syncing for the fun of it.

He introduced himself as Peter and invited Alice to sit with him and his friends at lunch. MJ and Ned were nice kids, but Peter was special.

He was always ready to lend an ear and offer a few words of advice. No matter how busy he was, he always made time for his friends when they needed him. And if you were feeling down, that boy would do anything to see you smile again. Sure, there were times he would randomly disappear for hours on end, but he never pried into her life so she never pried into his. He was there for her when she needed him, and that's what mattered most.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

But now that the day was here, whether she knew it or not, she was going to need him more than ever.

Alice pulled back the curtains just a crack. The auditorium was filled to the brim. The rows were filled with family members, friends, and even some random people just looking for a way to get out of the cold. Alice spotted Peter's Aunt May sitting near the front. MJ and Ned were sitting off to her left.

Alice dropped the fabric and backed away, feeling for a wall behind her. She sunk down to her knees and began rocking back and forth. This didn't go unnoticed by Peter, who was by her side in an instant.

He grabbed her hands, “Alice! What's going on?”

She kept rocking back and forth, refusing to meet his gaze, “I can't do it, Peter. I just can't. I can't go out there.”

“It's just a little bit of stage fright,” he reassured, “You're going to do great. We've been practicing this for weeks. You know it all by heart and your voice is incredible.”

“They're going to hate it,” she cried, tears threatening to fall.

“They're going to love it,” Peter insisted, “and if they don't, then it's their loss. You have so much talent, it needs to be shared with everyone.”

“This was a bad idea..! Everyone knows I can barely fit in with the rest of the group. I'll just embarrass myself by going on by myself.”

“Maybe you weren't meant to fit in. Did you think of that? You are your own person, your own voice. I know you don't believe me, but your voice is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. You can do this.” he brings her hands up to his face and kisses them in reassurance, “I believe in you.”

Before she can comprehend what just happened, all singers are ushered on to the stage and up on the mini stands. The curtain rises and the director makes a bow before turning to her students. Peter sneaks a glance back at Alice with a small nod. She takes a deep breath and joins in the a capella version of Do you hear what I hear. So far so good. Then onto Hark the Herald Angels Sing. Ehh...she'd tone it down a notch. Angels we have heard on high. Wait. What was going on? Little Drummer Boy. Get it together!

With every new song, however, Alice found her anxiety and stage fright worsening. So much so that she had essentially just stopped singing all together. No amount of smiles or hidden thumbs up could snap her out of it. Almost as if she was in a daze. The director's announcement of the final selection was merely a muffled noise and someone had to help her off the stands and lead her to the front.

O Holy Night

Wait! We're doing this already?!

The stars are brightly shining.

A million thoughts run through her head. Most of self doubt. She turns back to see Peter standing in the front row, his eyes yearning to stand by her. Yearning to hold her. But there is also hope. He will not give up on her. And she was not ready to let him down.

But one look at the crowd, and she could remember nothing. Her solo was coming up fast. Less than five lines away.

Fall on your knees

Four.

Oh hear the angel voices

Three.

Oh night divine

Two.

Oh night when Christ was born

One.

Oh night divine, oh night, oh night divine

She opened her mouth to sing, but nothing came out. The choir couldn't stop. They kept singing their instrumental parts. The chorus was being lost. Alice began to panic. She couldn't sing anything. She had already begun scanning the stage for an exit when a gentle voice broke through her worries.

“I'm right here with you,” Peter whispered. Against the director's instructions, he had left the stands and joined Alice at the front of the stage. He took a breath and continued the verse.

“Sweet hymns of joy/In grateful chorus raise we…”

Peter slipped his hand into hers, squeezing it tightly as if to reinforce his presence. A message that he wouldn't leave her.

Alice began to tear up, but not of fear. But of relief. And happiness. Taking a deep breath, she gripped his hand in return and joined him. Their voices matching in perfect sync. In harmony.

Maybe this song wasn't meant for a duet. But maybe, maybe I wasn't meant to sing alone

Merry Christmas Peteyypie! 😇🎄🎁📖

#secret santa #peter parker #fanfiction #peter x oc #merry christmas

3 notes · View notes