#wont this just end stupidly like last time i had a crush in uni? like the time before that in high school?

[mainfaggot]

I wanna kill myself

#in both a serious and unserious way #the serious way is bc i feel like i keep massively fucking myself over which affects my parents and sisters too and i cant get myself to be #realistic and healthily optimistic like im so fucking pessimistic it's a major concern #the unserious way is way more funny im so fucked guys 😭😭😭😭 #this crush is so pathetic. more dire than last time #i just stopped functioning i couldn't get more than ONE SENTENCE out to her even tho i ended up sitting across from her holy shit she #probably thinks im some moody weirdo bc last time i was malfunctioning but super enthusiastic and this time #i was like . quiet. and just. shy in a way that made me feel uncomfortable so why wouldn't it extend to her #this morning i was like idk what the point of anything is. why am i even trying to befriend her #wont this just end stupidly like last time i had a crush in uni? like the time before that in high school? #i have nothing to offer like lets say by some grand miracle she and i study together we get friendly we become #acquaintances and then it turns out shes also Interested in me #then what???? what do i have that she doesn't already have in her life??? #i feel like i cant GIVE anything all i do is impose myself upon people #like deal with [this] -> me and all my baggage #and its like okay if she likes You she'll gladly deal w the rest but thats the thing why would she even LIKE ME #what. do i have but a shell. #an image. #i have nothing but neuroticism and depression underneath #thats what it feels like although realistically that cant be fully true #and also isnt it superficial of me to have a crush on her? all i know is that shes beautiful she speaks spanish so well and that shes quiet #in the way thats charming and im kind of afraid of disturbing her peace #z.post