#wow. the 'kai simps for an npc' to 'yu ends up in an otome situation' pipeline

[distant-velleity]

can't even give this a title 💀💀 it's just a self-indulgent crack premise taken slightly seriously. blame any possible oocness on the fact that i was laughing my ass off the whole time i wrote this

summary - (twirls hair with disgust) so there's this one savanaclaw npc... word count - 1k+ warnings - the tweels (affectionate) tagging - @thehollowwriter enjoy this absolute ridiculousness with me

~

“Gentlemen,” declares Azul, propping his elbows on his desk, “we may have a problem.”

Jade tilts his head. “Oh? Whatever could it be?”

“Sounds drastic,” drawls Floyd, not meaning it at all.

Azul huffs. “You can make that judgment for yourself.” He gestures with a flourish of his hand. “Chrysos, if you would provide us with your report.”

“Right.” Chrysos softly clears his throat. “First, the perpetrator—Darren Ursus, a bear beastman from Savanaclaw, class 1-D number 2. A member of the Spelldrive Club. Normally, once Crewel’s class lets out, he goes straight to leave—however, recently he has been hanging around until the absolute last possible minute; additionally, I have noticed him actively trying to encounter the TA when he believes no one is looking. He seems to be attempting to impress Wei.” 

His composed look cracks with a barely-hidden grimace. 

“...Yesterday, I teamed up with Hunt to temporarily leave my club activities and observe Ursus. It appears that this matter is starting to reach a head; Wei had been invited to sit on Spelldrive Club practice that day.” 

By this point, Jade is staring at him with unabashed interest and Floyd has sat up as rigidly as a pole.

“Most curious indeed,” Jade murmurs, despite sounding like he already knew.

Azul closes his eyes, muttering something under his breath. “Quite.”

Floyd makes a face. “So this guy’s still at his whole obviously showing off to Yu. Isn’t that already worthy of a squeeze? ‘Cause his stuff is not gonna be reciprocated. Like, at all.”

Chrysos nods solemnly in silent agreement.

“Aren’t you a bit biased, Floyd?” Azul wonders. “After all, you did give Yu that scale from your earring recently…”

“That’s exactly why,” grumbles Floyd. “Yu hasn’t stopped wearing it since. Y’gotta be some kind of idiot to not notice that.”

“Floyd has a point,” Jade says, pressing a hand to his chest. “Additionally, I have witnessed Yu expressing no interest if not outright discomfort at advances from others. It is easy to assume this instance would be the same. Therefore…”

“...for everyone’s peace of mind, we should do something about it,” finishes Chrysos, earning himself a nod of approval from Jade.

Azul hums to himself, thinking. “It also just occurred to me that this Darren figure asked a favor of me recently and has yet to pay up… In that case, we should—as they say—’kill two birds with one stone.’”

“So we’re all down?” asks Floyd, tapping his lanky fingers against the back of the couch.

“Naturally.” Azul waves a hand. “Jade, Floyd, Chrysos—go ahead and do whatever you’d like with Mr. Ursus. Just make sure to keep it ‘discreet,’ as usual.”

Twin moray grins and a closed smirk flash back at him.

…

The next day, Chrysos finds them chatting together after school outside the alchemy lab. Darren is leaning against a wall with his bulky arms crossed, looking down at Yu, a scene right out of some kind of visual novel.

“...so, anyway, I was thinking. D’you wanna stop by Savanaclaw? There are some questions on today’s homework I need help with.”

Yu does a poor job of hiding his discomfort. “Oh, uh… I think it’d be better if you asked Professor Crewel for help.”

“Yeah, but—”

“Yuhua. If I could speak with you for a moment?”

Yu and Darren both look over at the sound of Chrysos’ voice. The relief in Yu’s expression and posture is palpable.

“Of course,” he says, immediately rushing forward to leave the situation before hesitating. He turns around to look back at Darren. “Um, sorry. We can talk about this later?”

Darren looks considerably miffed. “Y…Yeah, sure,” he forces out.

“Great! Thanks.”

The only time Chrysos has personally seen Yu flee any faster is in the middle of a crisis. 

They turn their backs on Darren and start walking away. Chrysos doesn’t have to look to know that Jade and Floyd have taken their cue.

“So, what did you want to talk with me about?” asks Yu.

He isn’t dropping his mask, so Chrysos eases into it. “That student,” he states simply. 

“What about him?” Another careful dodge.

Everything, Chrysos wants to say, but settles for, “He’s been bothering you, hasn’t he.”

Finally, Yu seems to open up a bit. “Well, I don’t want to say that, but…”

It’s a bit of a pointless argument when Chrysos already overheard Yu angrily ranting to Davis the other day. Especially when he knows Yu was purposely making sure he was eavesdropping.

“It’s too obvious. You should tell him you’re being courted,” Chrysos recommends. 

“I’m kind of too scared to say that to his face,” Yu mutters. His expression brightens all of a sudden, though. “Good thing he let slip pretty early on that he’s afraid of you guys. Work smarter, not harder, right?”

At that exact moment, a low, nervous growl comes from behind them. They both look over their shoulders to see the Leech twins towering over Darren. 

Jade clasps his hands together, mentioning something about debts, while Floyd laughs gleefully.

Chrysos allows himself a smile. “Indeed. I believe this could be considered a win-win situation.”

...

(BONUS:

Davis is lounging by the waterfall with a book when Darren comes trudging in. They’ve had enough small interactions to be only vaguely hostile acquaintances at this point. But, granted, Davis has also heard a lot about this guy.

“What happened?” he asks, because it’s technically an upperclassman’s duty to check on the freshmen. 

A deep, dissatisfied rumble comes from Darren’s chest. “Don’t ask,” he says through a clenched jaw, storming off to his room.

Ruggie whistles from his spot nearby. “Sounds like trouble in paradise.”

“If what I’ve heard means anything, it’s not much of a paradise,” replies Davis dryly. 

“True.” Ruggie snickers. “He’ll get over it.”

Davis raises his eyebrows and turns to look in the direction Darren left. He thinks about Yu, his choice of friends, and the weird air of excitement around the twins earlier that day. “Yeah. Not that he has much of a choice.”)

#kai's writing #twst #twst oc #chrysos pendentif #yuusona #davis jayme #<- only at the end #not tagging everyone lmfao #floyu <3 #shitpost #dawg this is so fucking stupid i love it #yu knows that chrysos knows that yu knows (is basically how this happens) #oh and i should say the npc isnt twisted from anything at all he just exists #wow. the 'kai simps for an npc' to 'yu ends up in an otome situation' pipeline #next up is the poor scarabia student