#yk i mean i take things very deeply very personally im sure some people remember may '21 lol

[keptthepieces]

just another diary entry obvs

#i still feel so sad #yk i mean i take things very deeply very personally im sure some people remember may '21 lol #but this is just very hard for me because im so confused #why would you let resentment build towards someone about something they dont even know theyre doing to bother you #to the point that youre hurting the other person and they dont even know why for the longest time #it hurts a lot it wasnt even addressed at all until i brought it up bcs i couldn't stand not knowing and yet feeling so hurt and confused #i needed to know it wasn't in my head and i was right #but now im second guessing everything they talked to me so normally said they care about me all the way up until the day before #but ive felt the distance for a while so do they love me like they said or was that not true #if they dont then im such an idiot i really care about them i really respect them and love them #idk im really hurting very badly #really stupid for a 25 yr old to feel so hurt because they annoyed someone #but i just wish it was addressed sooner and for someone who prides themselves on being open and honest and direct.. #it feels like they maybe just didnt care enough to talk to me about it. #so yk maybe they dont care about me. #which also feels like an offensive conclusion to come to about them when they dont lie and value honesty and openness so much #i dont want to think they dont love me bcs i do think i know them pretty well i do think theyd never lie about that #but maybe ive only convinced myself of that because it would hurt far worse if they didnt #whatever anyways im so stupid and i know i must have fucked things up by being too much again. #ill leave them alone and the hurt will ease up eventually #their friendship has meant a lot to me theyve done a lot for me i dont want to lose it completely i really dont #i just dont regulate well how much i care for my friends and its too much sometimes its one of the worst things about me #but i genuinely want my friends to know theyre loved and thought of and cared about and i mean it #and i cant always tell when i hit overbearing so i fuck things up. #anyways i am sorry i made someone i care about feel overwhelmed and i regret that i made them uncomfortable for i dont even know how long #im hurt but thats the worst thing i couldve done #okay ill shut up now stop talking about it its just still fresh to me obviously cant talk abt it on twt and they dont follow me here #i needed to vent without my irl friends 'fuck them' attitude bcs theyre a good person and friend and it does feel like its only my fault #for the most part anyways minus yk the communication bit #but we'll circle back to the do they even count us friends doubts and we dont need that ill move on now needed to get it off my chest