#i just dont regulate well how much i care for my friends and its too much sometimes its one of the worst things about me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thelocalconstellation · 7 months

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Just gotta shout into the void for a minute

Something about the fact that I'm just. So fucking exhausted right now. Between work and school and the fact that I was sick for the last week, still suffering after effects actually, which caused me to miss 75% of the week, I'm so so so fucking tired. Nothing really helps either. I feel like my wizard keeps getting dragged into encounters I'm out of spell slots so I'm down to my last few hit points and I'm stuck fighting with my fists because I can't do anything else.

I can't do homework because I need somebody there I can walk through it with or I can't get my ridiculous fucking brain to understand it because my fucking adhd put my processing speed in the dirt and my doctor didn't want to put me on meds last time and my next appointment to go over it again with the doctor and my dad isn't until next tuesday and it doesn't matter I have three shifts left until the season is over for work I'm pretending to have energy when I feel like I haven't gotten to have a break since early august and the two or three days in this mess I haven't been trying to do school stuff or at work I can't relax because I should be catching up on notes or doing practice questions or working on things I missed or doing one of a billion things and two people I knew died in the last month and I don't know how to tell you that seeing a kid who barely hit adulthood, a kid barely older than you dead is really fucking bad for you.

I don't know if its hormones if its adhd if its just my world keeps getting shaken like a really fucked up snowglobe or what but I haven't been able to regulate my emotions at all in the last month and I can never keep a decent sleep schedule during the school year which makes literally everything worse and so I'm stuck in an endless loop of falling asleep in class, trying to do the things I need to for class, trying to do homework or whatever I didn't manage to finish in class, not being able to go to sleep until late because I don't get home until five, I have to have dinner and do the dishes and do homework and I need some time to do something fun or I'm going to hit burnout a lot faster than I should and by the time I manage to actually do half that its anywhere from 11:30 to 2 am and I have to get up early so I can go in to get help for chem because I fell asleep yesterday and I missed something and I don't understand the material because my brain refuses to take anything I learn and actually put it away!!!!!

Im just. So fucking tired. So so tired i want to be able to be nice and help people when they ask and do things but I'm in a damn near constant state of overstimulated and exhausted and I don't know of anything that I can do to fix it at all and i just dont know anymore.

I want to sleep. I have a headache. I cant sleep because I'm stressed about everything ever. I cant manage my personal hygiene well enough to try and even do anything about it via self care. I don't know how to dress or anything to give me any good vibes about my appearance beyond "this is socially acceptable". I barely know what I might want to do after high school but I have no idea if its attainable. I fucked up my savings by spending too much in places I didn't think I'd be going near and I still don't know how to remind my friends they need to pay me back for sushi without being rude because theres an extra 60 bucks I didn't account for.

I could barely stand in front of a mirror long enough to clean my piercings because I hate how I look when I've been crying and I hate how I look generally because nothing but my hair feels right anymore and I'm too tired for much else.

I've been being upbeat and energetic the last couple days at work when I want nothing more than to sleep all day because nothing else feels even remotely like it brings me joy anymore.

My brain feels so fucking loud all the time and I can't think and i can't focus and I don't want to spend money on constantly buying coffee in hopes I can focus the next class because that gets expensive and I don't want to do that with energy drinks because I don't want my kidneys to hate me and I don't know where the caffeine pills went and tea never has enough to help me focus and I can't get the adhd to bugger off long enough for me to do my schoolwork and I'm stressed and tired and I feel like I'm out of options. I don't have energy to hang around my friends much anymore. I've got one friend i can interact with regularly without being more tired and I don't know if I'll even have time to talk to them much this week. Nothing I've tried is working and I'm just. Tired.

Im just some kid. I'm too tired for this guys

#vent post #tw vent #tw death mention #tw child death #technically?#he was barely an adult if at all.#death mention tw

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volfoss · 2 years

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oh ho ho 💛

HI!!! I assign you...

Ash Crimson!

^worst little birthday boy u have EVER met

WHERE DO I EVEN START W ASH. so. hes like the kinda character thats like rude and kinda bitchy but rly lonely bc hes STUPID and isolates himself when there r problems. he literally is like yes. i, a 16 year old, can handle this rly big thing. <- i say all of this lovingly. im allowed to slander ash bc hes my bestie. hes like. everyone wants him dead and i FIRMLY believe he would pull the like im gonna instigate someone and when they come for me ill pull the im a little birthday boy card but then VIOLENCE and attack them. hes just a sillay goofy little guy but also like. god. hes just like really kinda annoying but i personally dont think its always an intentional thing. fave endearing ash traits- he gives his friends nicknames and is the bomb dot com at nail art. he also has a valentines day bday. hes just like french and rly obnoxious about it.

OK. time to go like. insane blorbo hours (if i say or think ANYTHING about kof xiii i give u permission to take me out back and shoot me). how he was like. presumably going from knowing Elisabeth (one of his current friends, i will get into that in a min) rly well as a child to like being very alone. ough. characters that are horrible but are like doing so to hide being lonely my beloveds. BUT i wanna talk abt how his relationship w his friends is bc if i remotely think about my bestie ash's childhood for one more minute i will lose it.

BUT i think its genuinely so nice to see like the fact that even his friends kinda like? idk tolerate him but in a way that they do care about him. not to um. bring up kof xiii but. the way duo lon (literally just a quiet lil guy) is like i will do ANYTHING to get ash safe. sobs. i just like. genuinely love how he interacts w them.

NEED u to look at this quote:

"Yeeowch. One thing you never lacked is strength. I mean that.... Merci, Betty!"

^LET ME EXPLAIN TO U WHY THIS DRIVES ME INSANE. this is his win quote and like. when he beats ANYONE else hes like wow u suck (insert french phrase here) but w elisabeth u can just tell he like actually cares about her and ough. in the entire tales of ash arc u can tell she does too bc she goes to so many lengths to help him. i just. ough. their friendship is EVERYTHING to me.

ACTUALLY HIS BEST feature is arguably his bump it styled hair (lovingly i think if he had a bump it in his hair it would just b a beehive) and his long ass sleeves. his entire outfit is SO good tho. ALSO his little hair twirling animations. that IS a stim and u cannot tell me otherwise. ALSO his freckles. i know in my heart he gets sunburnt easily.

BUT NOW. blorbo image moment.

^HUGE fan of this art! i think like idk. how he and Shen Woo gets along is fascinating but also ash literally is the kinda guy to have this lil moped. also. fave Ash win quote at Shen Woo: "Owee… Lighten up a bit, would you, Shen? I could have broken a nail!" like i think he is just goofy sillay around him and i love it. love when there r bestie hours SO much.

^ baby ash and elisabeth images from kof xiii that makes me cry scream and throw up each time i see them

^ actually. im just like tossing kof xiii images at u. screaming and crying and banging my fists on the floor. they are FRIENDS.

^ also like. my contender for funniest Ash image of all time. they put this guy in a fucking flannel and white v neck combo. love it. but like genuinely love this image love seeing Kula and Yuri at the table w them and them all having foods they like and like K' and Maxima in the bg as well as Mai and King in the far bg. i love this image.

^ SOBS. i love seeing like them having friendship hours esp w Duo Lon's hobby being mahjong like the fact hes teaching Ash and OUGH. sobbing. their friendship means the world to me like. ash deserves people that care about him this much and they DO. sobs

^ OBSESSED w his kof maximum impact regulation A outfit. this guy went to a hot topic and just grabbed shit and was like yup this will work cohesively (and it does)

^ litrally like one of my fave falcoon sketches of ash. this guy rly is out here in like an old fashioned little bathing suit and has an umbrella/parasol. i KNOW hes got the like wool bathing suit outfit. u cannot tell me that its a modern outfit etc

^ last but not least cute ending screen from kof 2003! duo lon doesnt smile a lot so v nice to see him n ash having a nice time!

#asks #kof posting #this um. might get long. hes like my fave #know that the entire time i typed this out i was in AGONY thinking about the kof xiii ending. not over it EVER.#hes like my ultimate comfort character like. hes my bestie

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om-headcanon · 4 years

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☆ mc catching the obey me brothers crying

i believe its fair to assume mc has seen at least one of the boys cry. here is what i believe happened. (if you want me to do undateables, let me know! tw for low self worth, panic attacks, and survivors guilt/death mentions)

lucifer

without a doubt the most embarassed to be caught crying

he had just gotten into an argument with diavolo, and he questions his importance in diavolos life

he goes into the study to get some extra work done late at night to reassure himself he is useful

with all of the stress from the situation at hand and some stress from supporting the family on his back, he cant help but shed a few tears

all he wants to do is keep those around him happy and healthy... and it tears him apart when he cant

if i cant make the ones i love happy then... what can i do...

he doesnt notice your presence, as he has hands over his eyes and is breathing slowly in order to relax himself

you call out his name softly to get his attention

lucy jumps and tries wiping his eyes and playing it off as if he was never crying

you walk closer to him and he keeps inquiring if theres anything you need

you dont say anything, you just place your arms around him and hold him in a tight embrace

and he starts crying again on your shoulder... harder, this time. holding you tighter and closer in the embrace

because of his pride, its hard for him to admit what he needs the most: someone to show they care for him

mammon

mammon is the type to not cry often but when he does, its a lot

while his brothers dont really have bad intentions, the daily degradation they execute against mammon really gets to him

he can only put up his confident front for so long, and not long after a fight with asmo, it recedes

he lay on his bed sobbing heavily into a pillow to muffle the sound for nearly a full hour

his mind cant help but insist all the words his siblings tell him are true... and he wishes more than anything that you were there to tell him they werent

he looks up to the door every once in a while with blurry vision, mind convincing him theyre at the door, but you not being there makes him cry even harder

maybe they just think the same as the rest of my brothers

he hears the doorknob, but convinces himself its his mind again. ironically enough, this makes him cry even harder

except its actually you this time

you run over to his bed to sit down next to him and rub his back reassuringly, asking if hes alright

he jolts up, shocked youre actually here. he closes his mind and smiles sadly with a tear stained face

he pulls you into an embrace and whispers a soft thank you... your presence helps him more than you will ever know

you hold him for a few minutes and tell him how awesome the Great Mammon really is

leviathan

its been a long stressful day at rad, and he cant help but overthink every single action he has made

every single glance hes made, every single word hes said ... just everything

most days he would resort to playing a game or watching an anime he loves in attempt to distract himself, but other days its not that easy

he starts spiraling, thinking of not only everything hes done that day, but actions hes done in the past too

eventually hes past the point of no return, and starts having a panic attack

levi cant seem to catch his breath and with the thoughts still rushing through his head at full speed, he cant attempt to calm himself down

he envies those who dont feel the way he does right now because god, what he would do to not feel like this

you were just wondering why your gaming buddy hasnt come looking for you so naturally, you go to him

you knock on his door waiting for him to ask you for the entry code... but theres no response

you enter and are quite shocked to see levi shaking on his bed

this is familiar to you... whether youve had to guide a friend through a panic attack or have been through one yourself, you know what to do

you reassure him this will all pass and knowing how hard school is for him, you tell him he did well today

you get him to regulate his breathing and gain some composure

hes embarassed you had to see him like that... but he lets you know hes so thankful that you came to help him

satan

he just wants to be his own person but with how his life was set for him, its almost as if thats a tall order

its very rare he cries from happiness or anything like that, but sometimes he gets so sad that he gets angry... and then he cries a lot

no one dares to go near him like that

and that hurts him too... that nobody could or would ever dare to console him because they fear what hed do to them

he acknowledges this is a justified fear as he is after all the representation of wrath itself, but it still hurts nonetheless

belphie decided to poke fun and tease satan reminding him of how hes lucifers shadow

he didnt take it well... and retreated to his room to handle his emotions

he knew his family didnt want anything to do with him while he was angry... and that made him feel like a burden

but he grew used to everyone expecting he handle his emotions himself even if every once in a while he desired some reassurance

satan sat in a corner of his room crying to himself waiting for this to pass because he didnt believe anyone else would care to check on him

but you were curious as to why he wasnt in his usual 4 pm reading spot, so you decided to check his room

he was just sat completely still staring into the distance while tears fell down his face

he didnt even notice your presence until you sat down next to him

you didnt want to pry, so you just asked if he wanted to talk about it

he shook his head, laid on your shoulder, and just said “this is all i need”

asmodeus

ahh... while self love is so easy for him, self value isnt

its easy for him to believe people want to be around him solely with lustful intent rather than because they genuinely love him

he doesnt really believe anyone could ever love him

so he overcompensates through self love because he believes hes the only person who could ever love him

hes great at hiding it but sometimes, this gets to him... especially after some quick encounters with others at the fall

he thinks maybe there is no depth to him.. maybe i really am just a pretty face and nothing else

asmo cries pretty often, but he only lets people see him cry when its over something material (ie, he couldnt get a new bag hes been wanting for weeks)

he cries quietly too in effort to make sure nobody sees him

he seemed to have forgetten that you two were planning to go shopping today so you went to his room to see if he was ready

you werent expecting to see him rolled over in bed softly crying to himself

you startled him when you said his name

“oh, mc, i didnt see you there!” he chuckles lightly to himself in effort to change the mood of the atmosphere as he wipes his eyes

you ask if hes okay and his sad smile falls slightly

he asks you if you genuinely think he could ever be lovable

your heart breaks a little knowing that he even has a moment of self doubt, but you reassure him that hes a lovable person inside and out

you hug him tightly while another tear falls down his face

you two decide shopping is best for another day... for now, you just want to talk and do facials

beelzebub

beel loves his family a lot

more than he loves food (also a lot)

he hates conflict between them and would do absolutely anything to avoid it

what he hates the most about himself is how hungry he gets... hes aware its poorly timed but theres really nothing he can do about it

but the feeling hes being an inconvenience to those he loves hurts him

beel is great at smiling as often as possible, but if theres any tension between the family, he wont stop crying until its resolved

once he was so hungry it wasnt possible to control himself and he ended up going on a rampage

he earned scolds from lucifer, mammon, and satan for this

it tore him apart knowing that he had caused his family trouble for even a second and he started crying because of the guilt

he couldnt even find enough energy to make it back to his room, so he just sat in the kitchen with tears on his face

you had decided to go to the kitchen to get a snack when you saw him

he apologized for being in the kitchen and offered to move if you wanted his seat, but you declined

beel didnt even bother wiping the tears from his eyes... he wore them like they were a punishment for his own behavior

when you asked him what was wrong, all he said was that he was a bad brother

you tried to tell him otherwise, but then he went into detail about the situation and how all he does is cause the family distress

you told him that isnt true at all and he continues to bring light and happiness to all those around him

hearing that his brothers will come around and know he meant no harm is all he needed to hear

“thank you, mc... i feel less hungry when im with you”

belphie

he has lots of survivors guilt

its been millenia but he still wishes that it was him instead of lilith

because of this he cries quite often, but never in front of anyone other than beel

this feeling that lilith and him should have traded places haunts him often, and its not always so easy to sleep it off

as fore mentioned, he usually finds comfort in talking to his older twin but beel isnt always there

beel was at one of his clubs at rad and belphie didnt want to bother him, but he really did need someone right now

unlike his older brothers, belphie actually makes an effort to find you

he doesnt find you in your room nor the kitchen, so he continues to search around the house in hopes youre around here somewhere

he happens to find you by yourself in the study on your d.d.d.

belphie feels bad bothering you, and enters the room quite quietly

“mc, can we talk?”

he sits down next to you and lays his head on your shoulder

contrary to what he stated he wanted, not much talking is being done

he just lies there quietly crying with no explanation why

he realises he may not be as ready to talk about it as he thought... but thats okay

you tell him that youre going to listen whenever hes ready to talk about it

that makes him feel a lot better

he falls asleep right there with a thankful smile placed on his face

#satans was lowk the hardest to write #i hope i wrote them all well tho >:#also some of these are .. quite long o_o #my apologies #obey me headcanon #obey me #belphie headcanon #beel headcanon #satan headcanon #mammon headcanon #lucifer headcanon #levi headcanon #asmo headcanon

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creacherkeeper · 3 years

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hey same anon from before!! and yeah i meant general headcanons/ aelwyn + the bad kids dynamics/ honestly whatever fh headcanons you have so lmao you’re good. if you have any more know i would LOVE to read them but no pressure of course!!

oh okay dope ^^ thank you for clarifying. but ...... while we’re here ...... MIGHT AS WELL TALK ABOUT SOME ND HEADCANONS EHH??

of course disclaimer that these are just my own reading and everyone is entitled to read it differently, but i’ll try to back up my takes as much as i can

adaine (autism & panic disorder) - detail-oriented problem solver, thrives under the structure of school but doesnt do well with overwhelm, organized, seems sensitive to noises (like if the bad kids are being loud or rowdy), extremely earnest and forward even in situations where its inappropriate and doesnt always understand when its actually hurting her goals (see: every time an npc has to go “whats your deal? can i help you?” to adaine), tends to fumble some spontaneous speech (come backs in fights or like. the WHOLE thing with the innkeeper), very knowledgeable and skilled in a specific area of interest (divination magic), thrives with an emotional support animal, possibly ace (for sure not all autistic people are but we tend to be in much higher numbers), vibes with ayda almost immediately (by like. just straight up asking if she wants to be friends), very direct when talking, strong sense of justice and morality and gets very frustrated when things dont work how she thinks they should

riz (autistic) - hyperfixates on cases (both in the ‘losing track of time’ and ‘has trouble thinking of other things while out and about’ way), odd sense of fashion, has trouble making friends and understanding relationship dynamics (him thinking he was friends with the popular kids in ep1, being obsessed with finding penny who was his babysitter but then they dont really hang out after, being very verbal about fabian being his best friend even though fabian is embarrassed), ace, detail-oriented problem solver, sleeping issues, CAN lie but tends to be very direct to the point of being rude and abrasive at times, very defined moral code and strong sense of justice, easily frustrated in certain situations, intimidated by social interactions (especially with people he doesnt know), struggles with self-care and self-maintenance, i dont know exactly how to categorize the hissing but im throwing that in here too, doesnt always have “average” emotional reactions (like being really excited about the video of his dad instead of upset), very mature interests for his age

gorgug (autistic) - trouble with communication (putting his thoughts into words, tends to speak very slowly with a lot of pauses, doesnt always know what to say or what the average person in his situation would say), has a hard time making friends, struggles with emotional regulation (you can read barbarian rage as this in general but im also thinking of him getting mad at the high elves and just having to run around to calm down), very emotionally intelligent but doesnt always come across that way because of communication struggles, understands the value of having things explained in a simple and accessible way and does so without judgement or embarrassment if others need him to, thinks in a different way and comes to conclusions others dont seem to (sometimes he’s completely correct and other times .... dad!?), uses sensory input to regulate emotions (mostly music/drumming), screams when overwhelmed, doesn’t always ‘get the point’, is a very good friend but is so with great intention and care

fabian (adhd + dyslexia) - doesnt enjoy school, has some Very Bad Rolls when it comes to books and reading, doesnt think he’s as smart as his friends, struggles with a disconnect of identity (how he sees himself and his family vs how other people see him), very physical and physically active, tends to default to loud and “rowdy” (as adaine put it), struggles with emotional regulation, very sensitive but would NOT admit that, doesn’t always understand social cues or when he’s being rude, struggles with impulse control

fig (adhd + autism) - sensory seeking (especially music & the physical element of playing music which can be read as stimming, as well as smoking cloves), disconnect between how she sees herself (mysterious closed book) and how others see her (incredibly open and earnest), feels like a social chameleon and slips into roles very easily but has trouble feeling like and understanding herself; very excitable, engaged, reactive, and verbal; runs away when she feels uncomfortable or overwhelmed, tends to wander from the group a lot, admits several times that she wasn’t paying attention or doesnt remember key info about the plot, builds an identity around deviation from societal norms, big emotions, lots of energy, cares very deeply but actively works on understanding boundaries, doesnt always pick up on social cues

kristen (cptsd) - discussed in this post but can be summed up as issues with affect and emotional regulation, cognitive/executive functioning issues, difficulty with boundaries, struggles with impulse control, goes from VERY self-restrictive to VERY loose with sexual activity, drugs, alcohol, tattoos, etc; struggles with self-concept, doubt, and trust issues; possibly has dissociative and/or depersonalization tendencies with her cleric abilities

so 8))))) yeah. bad kids neurodivergence headcanons ahoy

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #adaine abernant #fabian seacaster #fig faeth #kristen applebees #riz gukgak #gorgug thistlespring #nd headcanons #autism headcanon #adhd headcanon #happy to hear other takes!!!#i was coming into this going 'fig is adhd' and left with 'fig is adhd AND autistic it all makes sense now'#Anonymous

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itsclydebitches · 3 years

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ngl voyager gets a whole lot of very disproportional hate from the fandom and i'd hazard a guess that a lot of that is just garden-variety misogyny (and probably racism mixed in, considering how many of the most prominent characters are women, poc, or both). like, is voyager perfect? absolutely not. and no spoilers but there was a lot of executive meddling that wound up leading to the finale/conclusion being lacking and there's a lot of reasonable dissatisfaction with that--but again that was largely thanks to the execs fucking the show over and i recommend looking into that if you can once you've finished the show. but overall? voyager is trek right to its very core--it has heart, it's about family, and it never loses sight of that imo, even if some episodes are weaker or just duds (but, like, would it be a trek series without some episodes that just kinda suck but are still fun to watch???)

anyway, i absolutely love that you're getting into voyager, it is my all-time favorite trek series to this day for a lot of reasons, and i hope that ppl like that anon dont put you off bc i'd love to continue to see your thoughts as you watch the series!

Oh, it would take a whole lot more than some anons being salty that others enjoy things to turn me off :D

Thus far (I lost internet last night so I’m still only on Episode 7 of Season 2), Voyager is the Trekiest Trek I’ve watched. Which is a weird sentence, but I mean it in the way you said it’s “trek right to its very core.” What is Star Trek, if we strip the intent of the story down to its basics? It’s about exploration, discovery, that “wagon train to the stars,” wrapped up in the argument that life is fundamentally good. We have problems, but we can work past them. We have differences, but they strengthen us. Diversity is the lifeblood of the universe and the future will continue to improve so long as we embrace that.

Voyager is (again, from what I’ve seen so far!) basically a love song to that premise. I didn’t do too deep a dive because I’m trying to avoid spoilers, but I did look at a couple threads discussing why Voyager is so hated. Again and again I saw the same reason pop up: wasted potential. Now, a lot of fans left it at that (as if the answer to what potential Voyager apparently missed out on is self-evident. It’s not), but those who did expand on the idea consistently claimed that the show needed to be darker than it was, even if they rarely said it like that. Why aren’t the Federation and the Marquis at each other’s throats? Why isn’t the crew going crazy under these circumstances? Why aren’t characters getting killed off left and right in hostile space? “Anything could have happened out there and they played it safe!” but the “anything” here is always... awful. There’s this very pervasive idea that the world is inherently cruel, people are inherently divisive, that when pushed to the brink everything will fall apart... and that (while making for one kind of great story) is very much not Star Trek.

See, Voyager created an unimaginable scenario--lost in space, 75 years from home, forced to live indefinitely with strangers--and their answer to the question of “What happens?” is “People make it work.” They learn to respect one another, they uphold their ideals, they maintain a love of life and discovery, and they create a family. And that’s fucking fantastic. That’s Star Trek! I’m not going to pretend there aren’t problems with the show, with plenty more to come, I’m sure, but I don’t think this is one of them. Why do so many viewers think that hatred, horror, death, and growing jaded is the only potential here? Why would they expect that in a Star Trek show whose premise is the very antithesis of those things?

“But they don’t do enough with those things, even if they have happy outcomes.” They do plenty, they just do it in an episodic rather than serialized nature. I can point to multiple episodes where the replicator rations or Maquis differences are driving the characters’ actions. “But without that horror there’s no conflict.” There’s plenty of conflict. Hostile aliens aside, I just watched an episode where Tuvok and Chakotay are pissed as hell at one another because they fundamentally disagree over how to handle problems, but--because they’re adults with a well-tested respect for one another--they apologize and work through it. “But the characters don’t develop at all.” You mean they don’t grow harder. That’s not the same thing as no development. Tuvok is figuring out how to be more flexible, Chakotay is becoming more willing to accept cultures he doesn’t agree with, Harry is growing more confident now that he’s far from home, the Doctor is learning to see himself as a person, Paris is grabbing his second chance with both hands by making strong ties, and Janeway is learning to command and care for her crew simultaneously. I honestly believe that a lot of people think of “character development” as the character becoming a fundamentally different person, unrecognizable from where they started out. But characters can also grow into the people they wanted to be in the first place. “We’re far from home, in hostile territory, tempted to do horrific things to survive... but no. Right now at least, we’re holding onto who we are. We’re scientists, so we’re going to explore and learn. We’re peaceful, so we’re going to make friends with as many species as we can. We’re members of a society that teaches acceptance, so we’re going to form a family on this spaceship.” That’s incredible!! Did fans miss why Seska was an antagonist in the episode she was unmasked? Because she was trying to convince them to give up everything they believe in in the name of survival, an ends justify the means argument. And the crew said no, we will not give up what we believe in just to make it through. I legit saw a ton of fans saying some version of, “I can’t believe they were that far from home and actually followed Starfleet’s rulebook.” It’s because those rules don’t exist for the hell of it. Overlooking their practical function, they’re a philosophy that the characters believe in, and they’re figuring out how important that part of their identity is to them under these circumstances. Am I willing to steal a specie’s technology if it gets us home? Am I willing to die to help another uphold their own philosophy? (Chakotay in “Imitations”). What regulations should we bend or change to accommodate our new situation? The first two things Janeway does are a) giving the guy who just came out of a penal colony a rank and b) deciding that she needs to be more familiar with her crew than is normally encouraged for a captain because she’s essentially their mom now. Developing doesn’t have to mean characters do a 180 on their initial personality, or characters getting killed off when stuff gets “boring” so that others can do edgy things in response.

Voyager upholds Trek’s premise and runs it to its logical conclusion:

Voyager has the most literal trek--a trek back home.

Voyager has the most diverse crew--a woman Captain, Native American First officer, black Vulcan, Asian-American communications officer, and a White Dude pilot that realizes he wants to be soft and kind towards those who took a chance on him because Toxic Masculinity who?

Voyager has the most literal family--not just a 5+ year mission, but a crew who expects to raise the next generation. They have no choice but to work together, so they indeed come together rather than pulling apart

Except they do, of course, have a choice. In “The 37′s” the crew is allowed to stay on the Earth-like planet with a city of other humans and Janeway is convinced that a sizable number will choose that. After all, they may never get home and this is a safer, kinder future for them. In fact, the real question is whether so many will stay that they can no longer run the ship... but Janeway would never dictate her crew’s choices in that manner. So she swallows her worry down, opens the door...

... and finds that not a single person decided to stay behind. And the show has ensured we understand that this is not just because they all have some unshakable belief that they’ll get home (many don’t), but because this is their family now. This is home.

And fans want to toss that out for a generic, gritty, sci-fi adventure where hope is scarce, the universe is cruel, and people need to be pushed to the limit just to admit that they maybe, sort of, like each other?? Obviously like what you like, but that’s a hard pass for me. I’ll take the bridge crew comforting each other in “Twisted,” thanks. Besides, we already have shows like that. And we already have DS9 which grapples with many of those dark, pessimistic themes. Voyager feels like a breath of fresh air, even within the breath of fresh air that is Star Trek as a franchise. It’s a show that says, “Yes, when everything goes wrong people will come together. They will love each other. They will make it through.”

What’s more Star Trek than that?

#star trek #ST #mymetas #Anonymous

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chumpmagump · 3 years

Text

24 things you've learned about your 24th year on this planet. 1. After having lots of trouble with love and loss, I've learned I will be ok. Remember you are growing into the woman you are are piece by piece.. reclaiming the person you were before the rest of them thought it was okay to take you away from yourself and you thought it was okay to let them. Many will come and go, but you dont have to lose a piece of yourself with them. Be strong, don't let them. 2. It is okay to love someone but not like them. It is okay to have compassion and empathy yet still hold your ground that you deserve better treatment. Compassion is not synonymous with lack of boundaries. 3. After talking to your therapist and doing some hardcore reflection you know you show traits of bipolar disorder or borderline personality. Your therapist thinks its bipolar, you're pretty sure its BPD.. this hurts because BPD is stigmatised to the shit house - you would almost rather have bipolar. You work in a hospital where BPD presentations are rampant and you diagnose them in your assessments a lot. Your coworkers like to say things like '' we got another borderline up in ED...'' as if its a massive inconvenience. You feel kind of weird being a 'quiet' borderline because you function quite well but know you have this fucked up secret that you keep from others for fear of judgement. Your behaviour isnt affecting your functioning enough to warrant a diagnosis. But that doesnt mean your experience isnt true. You're good at recognising when your triggered and where it originates from, and actively pull back more and more from impulsive decisions. You can sit with your emotion at times and you've stopped abusing phenergan and have been self harm clean for almost a year now? so yay for you regulating more of yourself! 4. You realise searching for validation only leads to experiences of invalidation. Stop doing it. 5. You're good at empathising to a point where you find it hard to be angry at others for long, you sometimes tolerate too much because you can reason with the persons reasoning for acting the way they are. You shouldnt mistake this for respect, because its not. You still need self-respect. 6. Making spontaneous choices has led to some new experiences, like changing jobs, moving towns, meeting new people. You've learned you've missed out a lot in your last 5 years of 20 hood because of fear of rejection/anxiety/ unsafe situation phobia. but now thats all you want to do, you fear staying static for too long more than you do change. You're ready for new exciting things. 7. Friendships matter way more than romance ever will. Build your friendships and you will always feel connected and OK no matter what the status of your dating life is. 8. Going for solitude car trips with your music blaring, singing meaningfully, on a road in the dark to no particular, with no particular deadline is your muse. You spend a lot of time in your thoughts and with yourself, and sometimes you imagine being in company when the loneliness hits. But funnily enough when company does finally arrive, you yearn for the space you had with yourself. Honour that time. 9. What you make of this life literally doesnt fucking matter. You will be born again. You will never get another chance to be in this body, with this family, with these friends, in this place, at this time though. Do whatever you can to enrich your experience and dont worry about if other people are having a better time. Concern yourself with your own experience. 10. You validate yourself. Stop asking your friends what you think you should do about a situation, dont feel the need to tell them every situaiton thats going on with you to hear their perspective. Listen to your own voice. You dont listen to her enough. 11. You dont actually have to put up with people being rude to you anymore, you can voice that things bother you. You're not quite there when it comes to friends you dont know too well.. or family you know blow up easily, but you're less of a people pleaser somewhat and i'm proud

of you for that effort.

12. You realise you need to stop seeking validation that others have hurt you. If it hurts it hurts. Simple as that. 13. Trust a person by their actions waaaaaaaaaaaay more than their words. And give a person 6 months. They tend to send their representative first for a while. 14. Sometimes you dream up people without knowing first who they are. Its ok to do this but don't be surprised when they dont fit the version you had of them in your head. Sometimes living in fantasy is far more intoxicating than what comes to fruition. Sometimes i wish i only knew some people for the period of time where they were warm to my heart.

15. Keep going to therapy, its doing amazing things and slowly but surely helping you change your procedurally learned patterns of behaviour including the desire and panic to want to fix social relationships that sometimes shouldnt be fixed. If someone did something shitty to you, and they are upset with YOU , for whatever reason- this does not mean what they did to you is void. It may even mean they are deflecting and gaslighting you. Get out of there and you know dont like goodbyes of any kind. so in this case slowly drop off contact. 16. people cant read your mind with how your feeling, so tell them.. what they do with that information is on them after that.

17. you dont have to take pictures of everything. You will remember the experience more if you dont. 18. Drink your damn coffee!! its not going to stain your teeth anymore. you are so diligent with your skin and teeth care, you deserve to live a little.

19. Dont have sex with friends, just dont. its messy.

20. Just because someone doesnt choose you, doesnt mean you arent good enough. It means they're blind, theyre not meant for you, or better doors are opening. Sometimes you need to shut a few doors for some to open. Trust the process. 21. Its time to start doing the things yu have said you were going to do for years. Its time to sign up for that dance class, its time to start writing again (and you have been!), its time to start stretching (and you have been!), its time to finish your courses (and you have been chipping away!). The best thing is you are so motivated right now to do all of these things. They no longer feel like words, they feel like happenings. 22. Your body and mind is so much stronger than you think. You are managing a 23 + caseload, and working across emergency and intake. You sometimes dont have a lunch break and work 9 hour days at times. You still have the ability to relay information and type notes at great speed, connect with clients at a great depth and come to eat, shower and have been dedicating time to study and friends. Your body is a machine, and you are so much more robust than you give yourself credit for. People look at you and see a small petite typical white girl, but you are strength! 23. You have learned sex can be a safe and very enjoyable experience this year very recently. Even though the partner turned out to be a careless character emotionally within the friendship, you were able to experience what it was like to be that connected with someone sensually in such an intense way which was a first for you. Now you know what kind of sex you like - well you always did but now you know it exists. Good for you.

24. You spend the most time by yourself with yourself. Validate your own experiences and try to interrupt the fantasy that you should be waiting for someone else to enhance or witness it. i know you like to think about what it would be like to sing in the car with someone next to you, or to laugh about a ridiculous vine and hear someone elses laughter drown out your own, or to dance around your house and have someone watch you in awe... but its okay to be your own witness. This is one is probably the hardest ones of them all... All you've ever wanted is to feel seen. You fantasize about it all time, you live in fantasy because atleast you can always feel seen there. You're not so sure if you put yourself out there you'll leave feeling more discarded and invisible than before. This way its safer. It's time to witness you. It's time for 25. A year full of spontaneity, new experiences, enhanced friendships, self validation and enormous growth.

It's finally time to stop hiding from people, pleasurable experiences and desire.

It's time for 25.

#august 2021 #birthday #reflections #journal #25th

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jeagerism · 3 years

Text

i think im lost again

+ word count : honestly idek, ill take a guess at maybe nearly 700-800?

+ characters : levi ackerman, armin arlert, mentions of eruri and eremin (armin and levi r not shipped fuck out of here)

+ warnings : season 3 attack on titan spoilers, mentions of death, modern!au, levi is basically a dad without being a dad (does that make him a dilf??), angst i suppose

+ summary : erwin was always good at this, levi thinks. people stuck to him like glue.

+ author's note : this is just a personal modern!au headcanon that i ranted to a friend abt and decided to make it full out

in modern aus i see eren as looking up to levi, bc he ooks up to him in the manga in some ways, levi cares abt his wellbeing n shit

well armin, since he was chosen to live over erwin, he'd look up to erwin in a modern au

and when erwin dies in that au bc ofc he has to die, armin is still a teenager.

i like to think that they all lived in the same town as kids, and erwin always looked out for armin since he had no one else other than his friends.

he basically lets armin live with him when he's not with eren, who also has no family and sort of couch surfs between jean and sasha - sasha's dad loves eren for whatever reason so he stays there a lot, and welcomes armin and mikasa with him - and so erwin and armin r close

and levi is always around, so he sees armin a lot, even if he takes care of eren more - he lets eren stay at is house on nights when he feels like hes overstayed his welcome at sasha’s.

but levi still cares abt armin bc he sees how erwin cares abt armin and levi is in love with the blond facebook dad

but erwin died when armin is like 15, so he still needs someone to look out for him

and erwin asks levi to do that, bc he trusts him and knows levi would take care of him just like he had

anyways, he asks levi to take care of him and levi does

but armin is a 15 yr old who just lost yet another person who cares abt him

and even tho hes grateful that levi cares for him, he misses erwin so much.

he acts out bc of it bc hes a kid going through trauma and its what kids do. he starts acting even worse than eren and eren is a fucking demon spawn

armin and eren share a room, even tho levi had two empty rooms so they could have their own, and eren has stuff in the other room but armin doesn’t like the dark so eren stays there with him.

and levi isn’t really good at taking care of kids in the traditional way.

he wakes them up every weekday for school by telling them he'll kick their ass if he has to take them himself - but he'll still drive them when it rains or its cold

he doesnt really know how to cook bc erwin always did that, but his notes app is full of recipes erwin always recommended that were easy to follow bc he was always worried that levi always ate too much cold leftovers from days before and noodles

armin knows hot to cook pretty well bc erwin taught him but he enjoys laughing at levi failing at cooking simple shit - he burned water somehow

but levi still tries so its fine

he tries letting armin know hes welcome, and that he can ask for whatever he needs

he'll leave him lunch money on the counter

and when he notices armins jackets getting a little too short around the wrist he drops a new one by his lap when he sits on the couch

he pulls the blanket all the way to his chin if he falls asleep on the couch.

he'll mention he's going to get a haircut when he notices armin's hair getting longer, and says he can go with him if he wants

but armin still acts so off.

before erwin was gone, armin always acted happy, even though he never had much, and levi feels guilty knowing he cant do what erwin did for him, but he's doing this for erwin, and knows erwin wouldnt have put armin in his care in the first place if he didn’t trust him

i see taking care of armin as the task that keeps levi going, just like how killing zeke is what keeps him alive in the anime.

both promises he makes to erwin and wont give up on until he’s fulfilled it

but one day armin just disappears. he doesnt come back after school with eren like usual. so he and levi try calling him and get nothing. eren offers to go look for him and levi tells him to stay safe n waits back home to see if armin will show up there

and he does like 5 mins after eren leaves.

and levi feels his chest just deflate with relief. it was cold outside, and armin was out there alone.

his cheeks and nose r red from being outside for so long

when levi asks where he's been, it comes out harsher than he meant, but its just bc he was worried, and armin rolls his eyes and asks why it matters

levi tells him its bc he's a kid and doesnt get to just disappear without a trace whenever he wants. levi never minded armin doing whatever he wanted - within regulation - but most times he knew eren was with him, or mikasa, someone who would call him if something happened

and armin says “you're not my father.” and starts taking off his jacket and stuff

“yeah, but i am the person who's taking care of your ass.”

and that seems to make armin a little more ticked off than he already was, bc he turns to levi and says, “well i never asked you to do that.”

to which levi replies without thinking, “no but erwin did”

levi and armin never talk abt erwin, ever.

its like an unspoken rule between them. its not that they arent as comfortable with each other - they arent anyways but - they just dont do that, talk abt how they feel abt erwin, and him being gone

armin looks like hes gonna cry before he just says “well i wish it was erwin that was still here instead of you”

ALMOST AS IF HES SAYING HE WISHED IT WAS LEVI THAT DIED INSTEADDD

and levi is suprised that armin would ever, it hurts a little, and he just nods in agreement and says “me too.”

armin doesnt say anything back to it, he just turns and makes his way to his room, slamming the door behind him

and levi is exhausted. in his head he wonders how erwin had done it - balanced college and a job and a fucking teenager

but then he remembers that erwin was erwin, and hed always been good at that type of thing

people stuck to him like glue

thats the first night he lets himself admit that he misses him

he feels like he’s failing at the one thing erwin asked of him

when eren shows back up, levi apologizes for not letting him know that armin had came back

but eren just tells him that armin had texted him when he’d arrived - i have a hc that eren and armin were each others first crushes but uhebdbsi

he tells levi that armin had said hed went to the beach

erwin used to take armin to the beach all the time before he died

he’d collect shells with him, and the ones that armin really liked, he’d give them names

he still has one called smith from the last time erwin had taken him to see the ocean

a few weeks go by after that

they never really talked before, but now it seems almost even worse

the silence that they normally exist in feels empty

but everything felt empty without erwin

eren lets levi know where theyre going to be whenever theyre not home, when theyll be home, etc

levi never asked for him to do that, but he does it anyways

levi’s thankful for the near suicidal maniac at that point

even though he always was

he saw a lot of himself in eren, and he sees a lot of himself in armin too

levi and armin never really apologize to each other, but one night when levi’s attempting to cook, armin walks in the kitchen and watches him place things on a pan

“you’re putting them too close together.”

armin steps beside him and tilts his head to the side, as if hes gesturing for levi to move

and he does, letting the younger and taller boy move the prerolled croissants further away from each other on the baking tray

“they never wouldve cooked all the way through like that,” armin tells him

with a scoff, levi mumbles that he sounds like erwin

armin pauses for a second, before sliding the pan in the oven. levi tells him how long the packaging said they went on so that he can set the oven timer

armin sets it for two minutes longer, and levi’s heart aches

erwin did that, too

“i miss him”

it slips out without him meaning for it to

and he thinks he’s ruined armin’s head again, when he’s supposed to be someone this kid can look up to

but he doesnt leave

armin just leans against the oven and nods “me, too”

after that, things arent bad anymore

sure, it takes awhile for them to completely warm up to each other, but they manage

enough that armin sits in on levi’s cooking sessions just to point out what hes doing wrong - something that helps, bc pretty soon levi is learning

he cooks him, armin, and eren an entire meal without burning anything

eren laughs when armin tells him that the man had forgotten to grab an oven mit and had stuck his entire hand in the oven to grab a pan

levi raises his eyebrow when he notices the way armin blushes at eren’s laugh, of all things

and they talk abt erwin more

they have more to say about him that eren, and its just something the two of them share, so they tend to save it for little moments, tiny snippets of things that remind them of the blond

after about a year, things are good

armin asks to have his 17th birthday at the beach, and who would levi be to say no

levi doesnt particularly like the beach, he detests sand, but its for armin, so he’ll do it

its for his kid

him and erwins kid

at the party, he finds a smile coming to his face when he sees armin actually laughing and having fun

kid had been through too much hell at 17, so he deserved to be happy, even if it was only for a few moments

on their way home that evening, eren and armin passed out from a day of swimming and running on the beach - levi made the both of them bring extra towels to save his car seats from salt water and sand

eren’s head is on armin’s shoulder, and the blond’s is resting atop eren’s head

when they get home, the two of them trudge towards their room, but armin turns and holds his closed fist out to levi

with a raised eyebrow, levi holds his hand out and lets armin drop something into his hand, before the boy pivots and continues his shuffle to his and eren’s shared room

levi glances down at the object in his hand

its a shell

armin names it erwin

#attack on titan imagine #attack on titan #aot #snk #shingeki no kyojin #erwin smith #levi ackerman #armin arlert #eren yeager #snk imagine #aot imagine #shingeki no kyojin imagine #eruri #eremin #aot headcanon #snk headcanon #hc

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argumentl · 3 years

Text

The Freedom of Expression Ep 1 - Haruna Fuuka files lawsuit against internet slanderers

*with Kaoru (K), Joe (J), Tasai (T) , who is a journalist writing for the newspaper Tokyo Sports, and Kami/god.*

Kaoru: Hi, this is Dir en grey's Kaoru. Have you heard of 'The Freedom of Expression' somewhere before?

Joe, Tasai : *noding*

K: I've a feeling we've done this before...

J: Thats right, yes...Its not a feeling, we actually did.

K: We are reviving the show we did on the radio station InterFM from 2015-16, on youtube this time.

J: Awesome

*applause*

J: I was really happy when I was first told about the revival.

K: I was also surprised *laughs*

J: Its not that you were made to revive the show though, right Kaoru?

K: The suggestion just came at me.

J: Oh really, like 'How about it?'

K: Like, 'Wanna tryy?' 1*

J: Ah, in a Kansai accent?

K:Yes yes

J: Like, 'Lets tryyy'..kind of thing...it started like that *laughs*

K: Yep

J: We did quite a lot (on InterFM). We even did a special edition

K, T : Yes, we did

J: We even made stickers

K: Brazil!

J:Yes

T: Ah, the live broadcast..at the Olympics

J: It was Dobashi san...Bishbash Dobashi san.

T: It would be good if we could do another live broadcast at this year's Tokyo Olympics.

J: On this You tube channel?

T: Yes *laughs*

J: A live broadcast might be a bit difficult legally, as for the Olymipcs *T laughs*

K: Um, thats *shhh*

J: Oh, its a secret!' *K laughing* Maybe if were are asked by Tokyo Sports..?

K: Yes yes...So, as to the freedom of expression...

Kami/god: Wait, wait, wait..I've come down too.

J: Oh, Kami?

K: He's saying it from himself *laughs*..I thought he would come if we beckoned him though.

J: Thats what usually happened. He was the kind of god that would come down after we called him, but now a god that comes down on his own accord.

K: Wasn't he like that before too? Should we keep him in reseve a bit more?

J: He'll want to appear, we can't help it?

Kami: You were forgetting about me!

K: We are not forgetting you!

Kami: You musn't forget your god!

*laughing*

T: We are not forgetting you!

Kami: Its not good!

J: You are always in our hearts.

T: Yes, he is.

Kami: Yes, thats it..you have to think like that.

J: But, you are not in the studio today, kami?

Kami: Oh..um, im just getting off a night shift..

J: A night shift?!

K: Ah, but it was like that before..

Kami: Right.

J: You are doing night shift work again? *Tasai laughs*

Kami: yes, thats right.

K: That was a while ago wasn't it, how many years ago?

J: Oh, is this the night shift season?

Kami: No, its..

T: You worked for ￥1000 per hour right?

Kami: Yes, yes...my hourly rate has risen a bit though. They were telling me 'Take a rest, take a rest', so my income dropped.

J: Ahh, its what they called a 'reformed working style', right?

Kami: Right

J: Its tough for you too, Kami.

Kami: *laughs* Yes it is.

K: He's the same as ever... so lets get started.

J, T: Please

K: Ah, by the way, Tasai san, as well as Bishbashi Dohashi san, wasn't there another person before (at InterFM)?

T: Yes..a beastly guy *K laughs* An old aquaintance of the listeners', a guy called Monster Hiranabe.

J: Its a strange story, but once when a certain celebrity died, Hiranabe-san called me up, and asked me if I had known the deceased guy...as soon as I said that I hadn't known him very well, he hung up on me straight away!

T: Thats awful!

J: He is awful

T: This very guy, Hiranabe, even got a promotion from the manager.

J: Eh? Promoted to what?!

T: To Director

J:Eh?! Really?

K: Is that okay??

J: No, it'll be terrible!

K: Right, lets move onto the main news...I'd like to get deeper into the concept of 'The Freedom of Expression'.

J: Right, so Haruna Fuuka has filed a lawsuit againts those who engage in 'internet slander'.

A tweet stated 'Both her parents created a failure'.

On Jan 14th, 18 year old Haruna and her mother filed a lawsuit at Yokohama district court demanding ￥2,654,000 in damages from a person engaged in spreading falsehoods which have damaged her dignity.

On the acknowledgement that these tweets went beyond what was deemed acceptable by society at large, on Nov 1st the internet provider was ordered to make public the persons name and address etc.

Haruna has been tweeting since the age of 9, giving her opinion at random about society's problems, and creating a stir. She now has over 200,000 followers and is fighting 10 years of slander. Kaoru, what do you think about this?

K: Well..I mean, naturally, you'd feel like that..

J: Hmm, but I don't know the details but..the name of the defendant has been withheld...well, its a common problem that as a person speaking in the public eye, you are going to get criticism along with praise...like a 'fame tax'. That said, how far do you go before honour is damaged? On SNS, you are of course free to express yourself, you can write what you want, but the issue is what constitutes damage to honour. This might be a very difficult area in which to draw a legal line, but on the other hand, if you don't draw a legal line, things may escalate out of control...Kaoru, what do you think?

K: Well for example, if banter between friends is written down...controlling that...Its best not to look at whats written in the first place.

J: Ah, the person in question right? By the way Kaoru, its a strange question, but do you search for yourself online?

K: No, not really. I hear things, the office staff will tell me.

J: Oh, if anything is being said?

T: In the world of fame its quite true, that even if 98 or 99 opinions out of 100 are good, the one negative thing will stand out.

K: Well, yes, its the bad things that..

J: On the other hand, from the writers' perspective at Tokyo Sports, how far are you willing to slander someone? You could write an article in a good or bad way..

T: Of course balance is important, but of course, if the courts want to complain to us, they can call us, and start an exchange, but in the case of slanders on the internet, its like, who do you complain to? So, if you ask celebrities, they will say Tokyo Sports slander is better than anonymous online slander because at least they can complain to our face.

J: Mm, absolutely. Just how far do we protect these tweets, these freedoms of expression? Its difficult.

K: Are these really 'expressions'?

J: Well, esentially, yes. When you say 'tweets' you think of nonsense, but really its media expressing things, or artists expressing things..

K: Yes, yes, you can get a sense of individual expression.

J: And this especially has the power to influence...

K: Yes, and people get swept up in it.

J: I think this is universal, but at the moment I think Japan is bit like a geyser, people will rush towards any incident and some will start complaining, I mean, I think its important to say what you feel, but its complaining without trying to solve anything, only satisfying yourself.

K: Thats it

J: Its sounds strange to say, but it ends like masturbation. If it turns into something towards a soloution its ok, but just creating thoughtless slander to satisfy yourself is questionable.

K: So its often said, if you continue the conversation only looking at the bad things, it can't be helped. There are also good people out there..you know, put more importance on those people. How to put it...its like we said before, if you focus too much on that one out of a hundred, its kind of rude to the other 99.

J: I see. Still this person has over 200,000 followers and its said she has been fighting slander for ten years.

T: She's always been a bit of a talking point online. I'll just search for her.

J: I also have Instagram, I do stuff to do with societal problems on The Dave Fromm show's youtube channel, and whenever I upload about it (on IG), my followers decrease! *everyone laughs* Outrageously decrease! Im serious, despite getting so far, that channel updates every week, and with every update my followers decrease. Maybe people hate reading about societal problems..*to Tasai* What did you find?

T: So for example there was that thing recently about regulating gamers to 60mins per session, she had quite a few things to say about that, playing vs learning etc.

J: I see..Young people do complain, well you can't really tell here, but on the other hand, young people these days, i know they would hate us old guys talking about this, but young people apparently have three main taboos. The first is talking about sex, they dont follow this, the second is politics, they don't follow this either, and the other one is, they don't like being made to talk about the kind of things that they really need to be talking about...there seems to be this kind of trend. So i think in this way...theres a chance Haruna is getting right to the point of this. But certainly, applying the law in a way that recognises infringement/damage to honour by way of personal utterances has the potential to lead to restrictions on the freedom of expression. Its a difficult play off, isnt it?

T: Yes, it really is

J: Obviously, when it comes to race, or racial discrimination, there has come to be rules concerning hate speech and so on, but how far can you regulate one-to-one slandering, or..how far can you protect the person being attacked? Should the country or the judiciary decide this? Its difficult.

K: Kami, what do you think? Are you there?

Kami: Well, I hear slanders towards me all the time *everyone laughs* Like, god tells lies, god is useless, or even that there is no such thing as god!

J: Ahh, i see. They deny you!

Kami: Yes, thats it. If I care about those things, I lose!

J: Do you search for yourself online?

Kami: I do. *everyone laughs* ..and whenever I do its only ever those things that come up.

J: Ah of course...Kami, you have an exceptionally good handle on social media dont you?

T: He's great

Kami: Ive got a good handle on it.

J: Do you use an iphone?

Kami: I have two.

J: God has two iphones! Thats brilliant.

Kami: Yep, I have two...im not allowed to use them while im working.

T: Does he have a contract? With his address and such?

J: I can't tell whether he's great, or whether he's not so great...

Kami: If i care, I lose...I prefer them to hate me, rather than to be indifferent to me.

K: Kami, what do you think about playing computer games for one hour?

Kami: If the kid is good at it, they should keep doing it.

T: I see, i see.

J: Ohh not sure about that. That seems a bit out.

Kami: No, i really think so. Skilled kids can carry on playing.

K: Should unskilled ones give up?

Kami: Yes, they shouldn't do it...When they play all day, and they just can't clear the level..that kind of kid.

K: Its a waste of time right?

Kami: Exactly, its a waste.

J: They should do something else?

Kami: Yes

K: You should quit if you have no talent for it?

Kami: Yes, yes, its talent.

J: Well, just getting off a nightshift must be tiring.

K: For us too, you know, we should try not to say 'stop it' too quickly...we have to keep it interesting.

Kami: It was interesting though, I was listening.

T: Oh thank you.

Kami: But don't tell lies about me.

T: If you thought it was interesting, you should write about it on your social media.

Kami: Yeh, everyone pretends on social media anyway, they won't know its me.

K: Well, that was the first episode of 'The Freedom of Expression' but, should I ask how it was..? *laughs*

J: But, being together again after a while was refreshing..

K,T: Yes, thats right

T: Im happy.

J: So am I.

K: Well, so we started in this vein....Tune in next time to see how it goes. So this time, only this camera, theres nothing here *gestures behind*, but if lots of people watch, we could go different places, increase our cameras. I still don't know about your fee, Joe.

J: Eh?! What do you mean? It says here my fee will stay the same!

K: I might have to lower it *laughs*

J: *coughs* You're only lowering mine?...But everyone please subscribe.

K: Yes please. Please look forward to next time. Thank you very much.

1* They are saying 'How about this?' in a Kansai accent, how to translate that??

#dir en grey #the freedom of expression #kaoru #薫 #tfoe #tfoe01

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love-fireflysong · 3 years

Note

You’re bored? How about you answer the rest of the questions for Climbing Crash? 😂😂 (pretty please 🥺)

Oh lordy, let’s do this I guess! Also this is posted like super late, sorry about that I didn’t see this until just before I left for work asdljasldj. Also, most of these will be answered in respect to my outlast au obvs, cause that’s the type of climbing chrash I’ve got on the brain!

GENERAL

Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go? Without spoiling too much, cause this is a scene I’m super looking forward to write someday, Josh finally brings it up after Chris and Ashley confront him about why he’s been so cagey and irritated lately. Once it’s out in the open though, the two of them just go ‘oh’ and its answers a lot of their questions on why they’d been feeling so awkward recently.

Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like? Seeing as they’re trying to keep the fact that they’re dating a secret from literally everyone, their first ‘date’ was them watching a movie and crashing on the couch when they stayed up too late. They absolutely woke up stiff and sore and tangled, and they happiest they had been in a while.

What was their first kiss like? Hesitant, unsure, and awkward, (just like them <3) but it felt like a piece they had always been missing just slotted right into place. But oh man the ones following were anything but.

Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)? Look at these dorks. You expect me to believe that Chris and Ash, who were so hung up on each other, and Josh, who was so busy trying to get his best friends together that he ignored his own feelings, had interest in dating other people? I mean, even if Josh did date occasionally in high school, I can’t see it lasting long cause it just felt wrong to NOT have Chris and Ash there with him, so he either ends it pretty quickly or the other person realized that Josh really wasn’t into it a whole lot and shut it down themselves. They were absolutely 100% each other’s first everything.

What’s their height difference? Age difference? Do I even need to explain this one? I mean it’s right there in canon lol. Josh and Chris are the same height, with Ash going up to about their chin. That being said, age difference wise, I totally headcanon that Josh is not quite 2 years older then Ash, and Chris is about 1 1/2 years older then her.

What’s their relationship with each other’s families? Once upon a time, before the events that lead into my outlast au? Things were great, they were constantly at the others house to hang out and shit since they were kids so their parents tended to think of them like extra kids. Now? Oh the Washington’s hate Ashley.

Who takes the lead in social situations? Josh obviously. The dude is a rich, charismatic asshole who is used to shmoozing and rubbing elbows with other rich, charismatic assholes. Guy’s got a silver tongue what can I say 😏

Who gets jealous easier? Honestly? I think there was absolutely a period of time when they first started dating where they weren’t jealous of other people hanging out with them, but jealous of each other. Like there was some major insecurities that had to be worked out.

Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear? Oh Josh 100%. Def def def just pops behind one of the others to whisper the dirtiest shit into their ears just to watch them turn into a fucking tomato and squeak in embarrassment. The others hope he’ll get over it eventually, he never does.

LOVE

Who said “I love you” first? Either Josh or Ashley I think. Kind of waffling back and forth on them, but I’m leaning more Ash right now. Don’t wanna go too much further into this cause I’m still sorting through how this scene is gonna happen myself. I’ve got ideas, but very very loose ones.

What are their primary love languages? Had to look up what these were lol. Ummmmm, physical touch and quality time definitely, but words of affirmation are a big one too, just less so.

Who uses cheesy pick-up lines? Chris. Just, just Chris. Nothing makes him happier then using the worst pick up line ever and watching Ash and Josh groan and/or laugh in response. Josh will use them too, his just tends to come hand in hand with the whole inappropriate whispering thing lol.

How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA? PDA? They’re trying to keep everything on the down low, so very little. But once things are out in the open, they almost always squished together and hands stuck into another’s pockets. In private though? Oh boy, good luck separating these assholes. They were absolutely those friends that were just super relaxed and willing to hang off the others or sit on them at the drop of a hat. Now that they’re dating they are even worse.

Who initiates kisses? Oh man, so I’ve been thinking about this for like an entire day now, and I STILL DONT KNOW. I mean, Chris and Ashley seem to me the type of people who absolutely adore the more ‘innocent’ and ‘sweetly romantic’ kisses; like cheek, knuckles, forehead type jazz. Makes them feel all bubbly and giggly and warm. But Josh is the one who goes for the more sensual/sexual I think; base of the neck, corner of the mouth, nip of the ear. He takes a frankly scary amount of joy in watching the other two just get all flustered and turn into stammering messes. So Chris and Ash are more likely initiate the everyday and sweet ones, whereas Josh loves initiating the ones that lead into something more. Does that make sense?

Who’s the big and little spoon? I think that they’re less spoons and more sandwiches honestly lol. But when spooning does happen, Josh absolutely refuses to be the little spoon. Ever. Chris is more then happy to be either the holder or the hold-ee, he doesn’t care which as long as he’s there. Meaning that Ash tends to get regulated to little spoon, but she’ll glady hold on when the chance arises. When they’re feeling particularly clingy though? Well, that’s my little secret ;)

What are their favorite things to do together? Is everything an answer? Cause it’s everything.

Who’s better at comforting the other? Chris is definitely more skilled at the whole comforting thing no question. But the other two aren’t too bad at it themselves.

Who’s more protective? If you’re expecting me to say Chris, well then you’re wrong. It’s absolutely Josh and Ashley. They’ve been through some shit before and after they got together in this au. If you even think of hurting her boys, Ashley will not hesitate to rip your head off and tear you to shreds, physically or verbally. Josh is less obvious about his anger, and that almost makes him more dangerous.

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection? Physical affection all the way. They’re just so used to being able to just touch each other whenever they wanted that the blow of having it taken away just about breaks them.

What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise? Oh jesus. Okay, so I don’t know how many people have listened to my really messy outlast au playlist, but a decent chunk of it is just climbing chrash songs. So the few I’m about to share are ones that I think apply to them in general, but I have a veritable laundry list of songs that work specifically to this particular au. You’re Mine - Disturbed Wind Me Up - Strange Kids Cemetery Weather - Isles & Glaciers Blindfold - Sleeping Wolf (i can feel it in my bones that this is a climbing chrash song, i just can’t tell you why)

Whispers in the Dark - Skillet

What kind of nicknames do they call each other? They really don’t. I mean we got Cochise, but that’s about it. Other than that it’s just the shortened form of their names. (I had Josh call Ashley ‘Red’ in another fic, but that was before they even knew each others names, I don’t think he ever really uses it again. Maybe if he’s feeling a little competitive? Maybe?)

Who remembers the little things? Oh definitely Ashley, for good or for worse. She will remember the time you promised her half a chocolate bar and only gave her the last bite as easily as the time you picked up the book she had been looking at for ages on the way home one day and gave her a kiss on the head when she started to read it immediately after.

Ship questions over here!

#jesus-hotsauce-christmas-cake #asks #climbing chrash #seriously though im so sorry this took a while to get back to you #but i answered everything!#honestly dying at the fact that i got a ton of cimbing chrash questions though #and only one for chrashley alskdaslkhdals #let the climbing chrash revelution begin!

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reelybadfnafocs · 3 years

Text

Here I go (oh boy, sorry for the terrible English, I’m actually Brazilian so this is hard) (i was about to be like holaaaaaaaa otro latino but then i remembred yall speak porch of geese fml. anyway hi. mod mangles on the case)

Name: Dolly the Dog

Species: Dog

Gender: Female

Job: The narrator of the shows/babysitter

Purpose: To help with the narration during the shows and to take care of the lost children in the establishment. Children are instructed to, if they ever lose sight of their parents, stay close to the stage and play with her; the parents are instructed to look there first. If the parents don’t come back to take their child, one of the employees has to discover where the child lives and take the poor kid home. If the kid is not comfortable with the employee, they can take their favorite animatronic to accompany them (this was only permitted after one incident, in which a girl made a scandal because she didn’t wanted to go with the day guard to her house). while i think the concept of a kid showing up to someone’s house with like a 6 ft furry robot is funny, i don’t see this really panning out in practice. as iffy as i am about it, i think the “babysitter/lost child center” thing can stay as is, but i think employees would defer to calling parents first (if the child is old enough to have memorized a phone number/have a phone), local authorities, or CPS.

Creator: Sarah Brown (another OC), the owner of the establishment and the creator of all the animatronics.

Location: The Showtime Funland, a restaurant for all the family (but specially for their children). It’s a vibrant, cheery and colorful place, where there are seven animatronics: Ollie the Owl, Billy the Bird, Fany the Fish, Charlie the Cat, Dolly the Dog, Happy and Lucky. Happy and Lucky are the only human-ish animatronics, and both of them are out of order during the game, and the others are the main actors of the stage, where they tell stories with musicals during the meals on the restaurant or just stay on the playground with the kids; the only one who can’t go to the playground during the day is Dolly, who’s programmed to stay and take care of the children waiting for their parents.

Where: On the stage; she sits on the front of the stage, on the right, and narrates the story that’s being performed.

Age: She’s the oldest animatronic: seven years of functioning. Her character is older than that, because of her old version, but since it was malfunctioning in a way which wasn’t even possible to take lightly, she was replaced by her new version. Her character is 14 years old. this is a little unclear to me…has she been in service for 14 years, or is the character supposed to be like a 14 year old child? i don’t think animatronics really need ages tbh but i dont see any issue with this either, so you can scrap this detail if you feel unsure about it.

Haunted/not: She is not haunted, but her program is malfunctioning; her AI is not recognizing the faces of the employees during the night for “unknown reasons”, and she attacks them as if they are “threats to the establishment”, in a way that she wasn’t programmed to do; she was supposed to call the police if any intruder came, but she becomes aggressive during the night because of someone meddling with her system.

During the game: The first thing the game shows is a cutscene, where the night guard is guided through the whole building by the day guard (called “Steve Hughes” by Annie, but it’s not known if this is the same day guard or not), and is introduced to the animatronics and told a bit of the story behind the establishment. It was created by Sarah Brown, a famous inventor, and was a well known establishment since its opening during the 80’s. During its history in business, there where countless robbers and stupid teenagers trying to get in and mess around with the things inside Funland, so the night guard was supposed to deal with these problems; but the animatronics, after a terrible incident in which the night guard was attacked by a robber, received a new AI capable of recognizing the faces of the employees and to give the night guard an alert if there was any intruder. The night guard is left alone to watch the cameras while listening to “Annie”’s recordings, since she was the last night guard, and discover about the malfunctioning of the AIs. In the third night, Annie quits, leaving the player with her guide about how to avoid the animatronics and with some recordings of how to flee if there’s something happening during the night (like a fire, for example) without getting caught. First, only Ollie and Fany are threats, but through night two and three Billy and Charlie too start to malfunction; in the end of night three, Dolly starts to do so as well. In the fifth night, Happy and Lucky also leave the deposit where they are hidden to attack the player. On the sixth bonus night, Annie left an odd recording of her and Sarah talking about the AIs of the animatronics, and Sarah implies that she knows of someone who would “do anything to make his business bigger than mine again, and wouldn’t hesitate to sabotage my creations”, as if she knows about the malfunctioning.

During the nights (3-5 (and bonus night)): She is the most predictable and organized of the animatronics, always making this specific path: first she leaves the stage, where she normally is, then goes through the playground (and stays there for a while), passes by the kitchen, through the deposit (where the audio doesn’t work, but the camera does), and then to the left corridor to the night guard’s office. She never changes her path, but as the game progresses she begins to become more and more fast and, since the other animatronics are more unpredictable, it’s harder to pay attention to her movements. Annie says, on her second recording, that she’s afraid of all the animatronics besides Dolly, since she is “the less threatening”; but, on her guide to escape on night four, she seems to have changed her mind (or it was a previous recording, before she labeled Dolly as “predictable and almost harmless”), it doesn’t chronologically make sense to have this be a previous recording, unless you intend to imply that annie went back and remade recordings for nights 1-3 right before she quit in addition to the night 4 guide. saying that “it would be best if you pay attention to her, since she’s fast and difficult to see without the flashlights”.

Skill: She tries to kill the player, first at the end of night three until night five (and the sixth bonus night). Dolly has a very advanced AI and is equipped with a recognition system, at least a hundred plays and stories on her memory, a voice system that helps her to change her voice when needed, the ability to sing, dance and interact with humans properly, and a system that can regulate her body heat. i was gonna say a hundred seems a bit much but idk how many stories the storyteller-esque animatronics are programmed to have tbh. if youre aiming to make the restaurant one of those cheaper places, id recommend scaling this number down.

Personality: During the day, Dolly is incredible cocky and arrogant when it comes to her role as the narrator, and she proclaims herself the “star of the show”, something her old version had but was even worse, coming to the extreme of pushing another animatronic off the stage and destroying it completely after getting annoyed by the poor robot. She’s kind with the children and the adults alike, but acts more politely with the elder and more sisterly with the younger audience; she says, during the game, that it’s horrible to never be able to go to the playground, but that she loves to take care of the lost children. During the night, she becomes a very aggressive but organized animatronic, something that her personality has during daytime as well; she is often annoyed by the others, since they sometimes go against the script for comic relief. Dolly is the most talkative of the animatronics during their attempts to kill the player, often bragging about her role as the narrator and star of the Showtime Funland and threatening to “end the show” of the night guard.

Appearance: A black and white dog (white on her mouth, chin, hands and belly), with big, glowing brown-yellowish eyes. Her ears are long and fall by the sides of her head, and she has paws instead of feet, but still has hands. She wears a magician hat with a blue bow on it, and sometimes during her show takes it off, just to reveal something inside of it that can help during the play (for example, a sword so that the protagonist can slay the dragon or a pie to the little protagonist give as a gift to a friend); she also wears a blue bowtie that matches her hat’s bow.

ok, final thoughts:

i was going to comment on how high-quality these animatronics seem to be, but given that you go out of your way to describe Sarah Brown as a very competent mechanic(? is that the right term idk), i think ill let it go. this seems like one of those higher end fancy-ish restaurants so most of this can slide, unlike if you were to make the location be some sort of cheap or dirty diner.

no notes on the story, i think it works well. the game seems to have kind of a steep difficulty spike towards the latter half with nights 3, 4, and 5, but thats not really an issue i think because you deal with more shit on fnaf 2 anyway. there were some iffy bits here and there, but nothing too bad that was worth pointing out or changing, so overall this is a solid character! good job :D

~mod mangle

#WHAT WAS THAT THING WITH THE TAGS OH GOD WJFKSDKEKFKSKF #submission #mod mangle

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readingwritingcrying · 5 years

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A good omens prompt? Crowleys a snake, and snakes dont sweat/are cold blooded. No way to internally regulate temperature. So maybe something about that? Overheating in the gardens or something?

nonnie, this prompt was absolutely galaxy brain of you. I’ve read several about him being too cold, but I haven’t seen any with him overheating and it was so much fun to write! Thank you so much, and I hope you enjoy!

Similar to how angels and demons don’t need to eat or sleep, they also don’t need to sweat. They don’t need many things a human might, as their grace (or equivalent demonic energy), was. However, there were still limitations. Their bodies could be killed, causing rather inconvenient discorperation. They could change physique depending on lifestyle, most things very similar to a human unless miracled to be otherwise.

Angels, however, tended to fit in better, at least in terms of appearances. Demons tended to have more animal-like features. Crowley was no exception. His eyes, his tongue, even the way he walked was reminiscent of the beast he was cursed to be. He always hurt some in a human form, and most importantly to this moment: he had absolutely no internal temperature regulation.

Sure, when Crowley’s flat was chilly, what was a little demonic miracle to warm it up? But when the whole of London felt like it was fucking melting, there just wasn’t much he could get away with.

Especially not now.

Since the not-apocalypse, he and Aziraphale had to keep it light on the miracles. Little things, sure, after all, they weren’t hiding, just trying their best not to give Heaven or Hell any new reasons to be upset with them. So Crowley couldn’t just get rid of the heatwave, no matter how much he wanted to.

It caused a whole lot of grumbling from him, at first. Crowley’s flat had air conditioning and heating because he knew it was necessary for himself. He may not have mentioned as much to Aziraphale when they had decided to move in together (a decision made after the second week where Crowley had refused to leave the angel’s side other than to tend his plants). He was a demon for- for Someone’s sake. It seemed silly to need such a thing.

He only regretted it this morning. Crowley’s eyes blinked opened slowly, squinting at the bright light that shone through the window. Normally, he would be content to bask in its warmth. But the whole blessed house felt like an oven. He groaned and sat up lethargically. The black silk of his bed was cool to the touch, and for a moment, Crowley was tempted to simply nap the rest of the day. But a breeze and the rustle of leaves reminded him of more pressing matters: his garden.

Crowley squirmed his way out of bed, dressing with a quick demonic miracle. Black leather pants with a black shirt to match - he had quite sensibly forgone the jacket today. It was worth it, with how hilariously flustered his angel would get whenever he showed a bit more skin than usual (really, Aziraphale’s sensibilities hadn’t changed in decades).

As Crowley sauntered through the cottage, he realized Aziraphale wasn’t there. He froze quickly, horror flooding like ice through his veins. His slitted eyes darted around the cottage to check for any signs of danger until he spotted it.

A little yellow note stuck to the door. It wasn’t actually a sticky-note, it was just a square of paper, but since Aziraphale thought it was, the paper found itself not minding being hung from the wooden door.

‘Someone e-mailed about a misprint bible I’ve been just dying to get my hands on! I went to go meet them, and, well, I wasn’t sure if I should wake you up, you really did look quite peaceful my dear. I’m not even sure if you’ll wake up before I’m back since I won't be very long, I’ll be home for dinner, but just in case.

-Aziraphale’

Crowley’s face relaxed into an easy grin as he read the note. He could hear the words in his head as if the angel were saying them himself - even in a short note, he managed to have the same rambling quality to the way he said things. If Crowley were being particularly truthful, he would admit that he found it rather endearing.

Letting the pleasant feeling sink into his chest, Crowley was soon out the door. He kept a sizable outdoor garden as well as the smaller one they had in an extension to their cottage. It was odd, modern, and not at all fitting to the homey style of the cottage. As well, it was quite ugly. But it was a decent sunroom, and nearly all the smaller houses seemed to have one.

But since they ate in there, Aziraphale spoilt them absolutely rotten. It was a lost cause.

Crowley walked slowly through the garden; face neutral. He glanced casually at the plants, inspecting them from afar with a carefully practiced disinterest as he decided on what he would need to do. Each plant would need careful watering, he could carefully snip at a bush here or a tree branch there, and with a furious hiss, he spotted a patch of weeds that had dared to grow in his garden.

Those he would destroy carefully, slowly, and painfully. Make an example of them.

Decided, Crowley got to it. He was utterly absorbed in it, as he usually was. The sun beating down on his back as he worked was almost forgotten. Each plant was meticulously tended to, checked for spots or for sagging leaves, or pests as the sun rose higher in the sky.

He didn’t even begin to notice something was wrong until he stretched up with sheers in his hands only to drop them as pain seized his muscles.

He recoiled with a grimace as his muscles cramped, trying to move or breath in a way that didn’t flood his senses with a sharp stab of pain. Eventually, in what felt like hours but couldn’t have been much more than a minute, his body began to relax.

If his body was that determined to be a snake, it would have to damn well wait, Crowley grumbled in his mind. Pain wasn’t unusual for him, but it usually wasn’t like that. As if he would let that from stopping him, of course.

He was rather busy at the moment, and couldn’t very well garden without arms. He wanted to finish, have Aziraphale come home, have dinner with his angel, and be some semblance of normal or at least of right.

And that was that Crowley pushed forward. The cramping didn’t stop. He was hot, and his muscles seemed to groan and tense with every small movement. And he was tired. It was something that shouldn’t really be possible. He hadn’t used great amounts of demonic power, and he had even slept the night before.

It really should be concerning. He was just too tired to be concerned. As another cramp shot through his stomach, Crowley knelt down in the grass. His skin was a burning shade of reddish-pink, his face was flushed, and his lips were dry.

Crowley considered calling it a day and retreating to the shade of the indoors. Maybe he could take a cool bath, even. The thought was tempting enough after several minutes of feeling miserable on the ground, he decided to go along with it. A soak might help the cramps, even.

He wasn’t expecting the wave of dizziness when he stood. Crowley groaned a soft noise of discomfort, and steadied himself against the nearest tree. He waited for the odd spell to pass, but his head was still spinning, tilting, pulling his insides along with it. Everything was twisted all around in circles, making a mess out of his vision.

Cooling off in the shade would… well, it would have to do, he decided. Crowley let himself slide down, propping his back against the small trunk of the tree. An apple tree, of course. He growled in frustration as his limbs shook from the motion.

It was so hot and Crowley felt so… weak.

Letting lethargy overtake him, Crowley let his eyes shut against the bright sun. He was breathing much too heavily, his heart feeling like it was starting to pound right out of his chest. He could barely hear himself think, and even if he could, it hurt his head too much to.

All too quickly he found even if he wanted too, he couldn’t move.

…

When Aziraphale returned from his outing, he could immediately tell that something was off. At this point, he had become rather familiar with the demon Crowley’s presence. Now that they were finally allowed to be together officially, they had hardly spent much time apart. Not that Aziraphale minded - he very much liked their current situation. He found the freedom to express his affections... well, quite honestly nervewracking at first. But aside from the lingering fear he would somehow mess things up, it was nothing short of heavenly.

He, of course, noticed Crowley’s sudden clinginess as well. And Aziraphale knew that when his - friend? Lover? Crowley seemed so much more than just that - felt like it, he would let him know why. And until then, he was completely happy to indulge him. Actually, he always would be happy to indulge him.

All of this is to say, Aziraphale was very much attuned to Crowley’s specific demonic presence. So when he arrived at their cottage, he was instantly worried.

It was still there, but it was so much weaker than it should be. He dropped his bag containing the book he had acquired and rushed inside the front door. “Crowley? Crowley, dear, are you alright?” His voice broke into a bit of a tremble. He wasn’t there. Aziraphale checked their bedroom, but there was no sign of him.

At least the bed was messy, sheets pushed out in a way that confirmed at least Crowley had gotten up of his own volition.

Aziraphale wrung his hands anxiously. Heaven and Hell couldn’t possibly have come for them yet, could they? Surely not in any organized manner, but if a stray demon ran across them, he feared it might be stupid enough to try and attack them. He needed to find Crowley.

After confirming that he was not in the house, even in another form, Aziraphale walked back outside to check the backyard.

Seeing Crowley was both relieving and even more worrying.

He was awake, his eyes open only just, glasses slid down until they were hanging off his long nose to the point of being useless to actually conceal his eyes. They were all a golden-yellow that Aziraphale adored, but they stared out of focus, not yet seeming to register that Aziraphale was there. His skin was red and flushed, and even from here he could hear Crowley’s labored breathing.

Without a second thought, Aziraphle rushed to his side, kneeling down next to him. “Oh, Crowley, what happened, dear boy? Are you injured?”

The demon only gave a small “Mn,” in response, and he couldn’t tell if it was a negative or positive answer. Feeling for himself, he was relieved not to find even a scratch on Crowley.

“You’re burning up,” he observed softly. His hands found their way to Crowley’s forehead, which should have been slick with sweat but it was completely dry. Snake, Aziraphale remembered. While Crowley had never mentioned it before, it was very much possible that he had no way of cooling down.

Crowley turned his head to the side, seeming to try and escape Aziraphale’s touch, muttering something incoherently. His eyes were clenched with fear, and with a start,, Aziraphle realized that he must not even recognize him yet.

If he was that disorientated, it couldn’t be a good sign. He could discorporate, even. Aziraphale had to cool him down, quickly. If he didn’t… well, there was no way in hell, literally, they were going to give him back.

“I’m going to get you inside, but I’m afraid I’ll have to pick you up,” Aziraphale explained to the dazed demon. Crowley turned slightly, hearing him, but gave no answer.

With a determined sigh, he braced himself, scooping up Crowley in his arms. Aziraphale’s heart broke a little at the panicked hiss he let out but held firm as he walked inside. His struggles were weak, and no match for the angel’s hold, but the fact Crowley was fighting him at all stung and worried him to no end.

He would be okay. He had to be.

Aziraphale hurried back inside, making sure the temperature was suitably cooler in the cottage than outside. They were in the middle of a heatwave so different from the usual summers in England, and most of the houses didn’t come with any air conditioning. Most houses didn’t have an angel, and really, either could work the same if it wanted to.

Gently, he sets Crowley down on the couch. Its brown leather was cool, and Aziraphale hoped that it would provide even a bit of relief.

He managed to find a thermometer (which they had gotten once they realized under unfortunate circumstances that Crowley, and most likely himself as well, could fall ill) and pressed the device to Crowley’s lips.

They remained stubbornly closed.

“Please open your mouth, dear. I won't hurt you, I promise,” he tried to reassure. Crowley’s gaze- his glasses had fallen off completely after Aziraphale had picked him up - was still clouded, but relaxed ever so slightly. Someone else might not have even been able to tell the difference. But knowing someone 6,000 or so years had its advantages.

He was able to coax the thermometer into Crowley’s mouth, tutting when he read the final temperature. 40.7 degrees, entirely too high for his mortal form.

Heatstroke, most definitely. He couldn’t let Crowley stay in those clothes - all tight, and entirely too warm, especially the leather pants he was so insistent on wearing. Even during a damn heatwave.

Aziraphale took off Crowley’s shirt first. He felt his heartbeat through his fingertips. It was fast, rapid, and weak.

“Zziraphale…” Crowley whined in a panic.

“Shh, I’m here,” he reassured him carefully. He spoke in warm tones, trying to keep Crowley from too much stress when his temperature was clearly too high for him to be anything but delirious. Eventually, the shirt was off. The tight leather pants were next.

It was a bit more of a struggle, with a much less willing Crowley. But at the very least the only Effort that was there was the effort Aziraphle had in maneuvering the leather atrocities off of him.

Finally, Crowley’s skin was bare, pressing into the cool couch. His skin was still red with heat, and if he had been human, Aziraphale imagined he would be blistered with sunburns.

Aziraphale was impatient. He simply couldn’t stand to see Crowley in such a poor state, still so defenseless and confused by his surroundings. An idea struck him. If he ran a cool bath - not freezing cold, he didn’t want to shock the poor demon and make the situation worse - it might do more good.

That, and draw less attention than constantly performing miracles to keep the heat down in their cottage.

With that in mind, Aziraphale quickly drew a bath up in their bathroom (which they really only had in case of human guests, and mostly because Aziraphlae really enjoyed the clever invention humans called bath bombs). After checking the temperature to make sure it was suitable, he went to retrieve Crowley.

He was lying on his side, curled up and looking dreadful. “Crowley, may I pick you up again?” Aziraphale lay his hands on Crowley’s back, encouraged by the fact he seemed to press into his hands instead of flinching away.

Crowley murmured something that sounded nearly like a “sure,” and the slight nod confirmed this. Gingerly, Aziraphale scooped him up. He was muttering something that Aziraphale couldn’t quite make sense of, but that was really no surprise given his current state.

His plan was going rather well until they actually made it to the bathroom. When Crowley’s eyes blinked open, they stayed that way, staring at the water. Not noticing, Aziraphale tried to set Crowley in the bath.

Before he could think about what was happening, Crowley was struggling again, letting out a pained yell, hitting, scratching, whatever he could manage. “‘Ziraphale! Aziraphale! Angel!” he cried, his voice not managing to be loud even as he called for help.

A wave of guilt crashed through Aziraphale as quickly as he realized what Crowley must have thought he was doing. He thought it was holy water, he didn’t realize it was Aziraphale and thought he was going to be killed. The cries of his love brought tears to his own eyes, although it shamed him to admit it. Too emotional.

He set Crowley on the edge of the bath, safely dry. “Crowley, dearest, I’m here. You’re safe. Please, nothing will hurt you,” he said, repeating similar things until his desperate escape attempts settled, and finally, Crowley’s eyes seemed to actually settle on the angel’s, seeing him.

“Will you get into the bath please?” Crowley shuddered, his eyes closing with a shake of his head. How many times had Crowley been threatened with this, or whatever else hell had up it’s sleeve before the Trial that Aziraphale had gone to? He had been so caught up in his own fear of consequences, Aziraphale hadn’t realized how much it must have affected him.

To Aziraphale Crowley seemed much more careless, always showing up when he wanted him, and saying things that were far too dangerous, too fast.

Only with his guard forcibly down could he see how he had been wrong. “You must trust me. Please, Crowley,” he all but begged.

A beat, and then, “Anything,” Crowley agreed.

With a great sigh of relief, Aziraphale helped Crowly into the bath.

…

Crowley caught sight of the bath with the water, and his mind froze with fear. Whoever had him they. They must have found them. They must have found out, about their lie, and he was too dizzy and disoriented to properly fight, but damn if he wouldn’t try.

He thrashed about, calling for his angel, hoping by some miracle he would be heard, that they would make it out of this. His limbs ached and his head spun, but he couldn’t just submit.

Please, please. I can’t leave him. I can’t leave him alone.

They seemed to relent, hold relinquished, and the water at a safe distance away. It must be holy water, he could feel… he felt awful. But he could at least tell there was a holy presence and nothing in hell felt like that, so it must be holy water.

“...dearest, I’m here,” Crowley heard, his heart lightening with a bit of hope. “You’re safe, nothing will hurt you.”

Aziraphale. He came.

“Will you get into the bath please?” Crowley’s mind felt fractured with confusion. Why would he ask him that? The angel was safe, he couldn’t want him to go into the holy water. That couldn’t possibly happen.

He couldn’t find the voice to explain it to Aziraphale though, his throat too dry, so he just shook his head, trying to ignore the way it made him feel the world spin.

“You must trust me. Please, Crowley.” And that was so unfair. He couldn’t say no when Aziraphale used that tone of voice, and he knew that but why…?

Whatever the reason, Crowley could never refuse his angel, and in his feverish mind, not even this. “Anything,” he said, betrayal and confusion comforted only slightly by how soft and pleasingly cool Aziraphale’s hands were as he helped him into the water.

Crowley shuttered, letting out a low wine as he first touched the water, fully expecting to start sizzling away.

He didn’t.

In fact, he was laying down, half-submerged, and he wasn’t dead.

It hurt to try and think about at first, but Aziraphale waited patiently beside him, comforting him with low voices and hums, and the occasional rubbing of his right shoulder with soft hands.

Eventually, he had cooled down enough to think properly. Or at least, think, instead of bursts of realizations powered by blind instinct and emotion.

“Angel,” he said, voice rough and dry.

“Oh! Crowley, are you feeling much better?” asked Aziraphale, starting at the demon’s sudden inturruption.

“Nngh. Could be worse. What…?” He trailed off, making a gesture, splashing a bit of water, to reference his current pradiciment.

Aziraphale huffed. “You gave me quite a scare, you know. You were nearly passed out in the garden, and don’t you know not to work in such heat? And with black leather, too. You’ve been practically delirious for a good bit.” Although he tries to sound annoyed, Crowley can easily see through the weak front to his obvious worry and care.

He might feel bad for making Aziraphale worry, but that’ll have to wait until he stops feeling so bad himself. “Nn- uh, yeah,” he agreed, wincing at the sound of his own voice. Too damn loud, it is. His head is still pounding.

“Is there anything you need?” Aziraphale asked. Crowley thinks about it.

“Water?” He realized it seemed like a silly thing to ask for, considering he was in a tub full of it. “A cup. For, uh, drinking. Throat hurts,” he quickly explained. Aziraphale looks at him a little strangely, but before he can think, there’s a cup of deliciously cool water being pressed into his hands.

He takes a long, indulgent sip, savoring how it soothed his dry throat. He could feel the cold as it traveled down to his stomach, making him feel just a bit better. “No need for a miracle, really,” he chastized Aziraphale, voice more tender than biting.

Aziraphale chuckled self-consciously. “I hate seeing you this way, you know.” And Crowley does know. For mostly immortal beings, death isn’t a concept they deal with often, not for themselves. There’s always the assumption of tomorrow, and thousands of more tomorrows because they weren't really meant to end.

And Crowley knew that when you had to consider it, it was more frightening and painful than he’d like to remember. He wanted to explain it, but that might’ve meant having to say some rather difficult things, and he was too tired for rather difficult things. “Sorry,” he offered instead, which might have been the easiest sign he still felt a little like shit warmed over.

Aziraphale gave him a tender smile. “How about we get you to bed? I’m sure you’re tired.”

Crowley nodded and stood up. As he stepped out of the bath, he leaned heavily on Aziraphale. The water got the idea and got out of the way, not wanting to bother to two with any residual dampness.

With his help, Crowley managed to stagger to their bedroom. He flopped on the bed, a small sound of comfort escaping his lips. “Commere, ‘ngel,” he said, voice muffled by the pillow.

“I wouldn’t want to make you any warmer,” Aziraphale hesitated, luckily versed in Crowley-speak, with or without most levels of distortion.

Crowley lifted his head from its comfortable spot and shot him a Look. He might not be able to resist any ask of Aziraphale, but Aziraphale had to surrender to the Look, so it was only a matter of time until a soft, shirtless angel was available for cuddling.

Crowley let the exaustion finally take its natural course, and he was soon asleep, possibly even followed by Aziraphale.

#good omens #Ineffable Husbands #otp: ineffable #good omens fic #good omens whump #Crowley whump #good omens fanfiction #gomens #whump #Aziraphale #crowley #sick crowley #sick fic #i mean kinda

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taehyungsgrowl · 4 years

Text

SFW Alphabet for Nate

I think I did it wrong last time bc I was waiting for people to send me letters when I was just supposed to go down the list. But I’m a dummy so disregard half of what I say.

i hope you guys like them and thank you virgo anon for the input w these 🥺i love our baby 🥺

Here we go:

A- Activity (What is their favorite activity to do with you.)

-- i think he likes doing new things w you. and i know that sounds cliche BUT hear me out. duncan is a bit of a home body 🥺loves to be curled up w reader sharing kissies and cuddling. nate enjoys that too but i think trying new adventures w you is his favorite. i can see him being the type to like hiking dates!! (also lets not forget the tik tok videos you guys make together )

B- Beginnings (How do they act in the beginning of a relationship)

-- considering the beginning did start off as something kinda casual between him and reader, he kept it as such. but he’s such a natural charmer that even when he’s not trying, he just comes across as super sweet. they’d finish hooking up and he’d offer her to stay over or get them food (not bc he felt like he needed to but it’s just the kinda guy he is) i think he probably let his goofy side out right at the beginning as well. its what helped y/n open up to him and feel at ease w him 🥺

C- Communication (Are they good communicators? How do they normally talk about their problems or solve issues)

-- big sigh. nate? was the KING of communication!! hell! he was able to talk to duncan (who ISNT the best at communicating) when they weren’t even friends and helped him talk to dumb!reader. plus he’d always been open about his feelings. told y/n right away when he knew he was in love. (i only say he WAS bc he should have told y/n he was struggling before he ended up in the hospital 🥺)

D- Drunk (What are they like when they’re drunk)

-- koala bear cuddly drunk!! not just between him and reader! but he will love on anyone! (omg.. you know dunc was a little 😳when drunk!bro!nate started hugging him... hiding his face in duncs neck... telling he smells good... telling him how much he loves him... bros 👯‍♂️)

E- Emergency (How are they in emergency situations? You get hurt, they get hurt, someone is dying etc..)

— oh god. nate is the type to keep cool and collected in an emergency - even if he were the one having an emergency 🥺 like if reader would’ve been w him during his car accident, she would have been worried sick over him and he’d just be like, “hey, look at me. i’m okay, yeah? a lot stronger than i look, babe.” even if it hurt like hell because he doesn’t wanna worry her. if you were in an emergency or got hurt, he’d go into sexy doctor mode. “tell me where it hurts.” squeezing your hand to reassure you, “i got you.” also kissies where it hurts 🥺 and he’s such a good listener too wow we have no choice but to simp.

F- Free Spot (I’ll give you any headcanon I come up with)

-- i’m just gonna share one head canon that virgo anon tossed at me that really made me 🥺 baby nate 🥺 and how when he was younger he was always a nice boy 🥺 but wasnt the popular or “hot” one until he grew into himself in college 🥺 when he got maxie and it helped him manage his stress enough to be able to make connections 🥺y’all when she said that it made me heart 🥺 my sweet boy

G- Gifts (What kind of gifts do they give? What kind of gifts do they get?)

-- i think his gifts are rarely “over the top” but !! they’re simple and personalized!!! like a lil necklace w his initials / name 🥺or maybe he has someone make a picture of you two into an animation? like have someone draw you guys (do u know what im talking about?) as far as gifts for him, he enjoys like “interactive gifts” like sending him on a lil scavenger hunt (nate loves setting them up for you too 🥺) but if you set one up for HIM? god! he’d love you!

H- Hugs (How do they show affection/cuddle)

-- nate loves! loves! to give forehead kissies (not just because he’s tall fjhsjh) and being hugged (or picked up) in his strong arms!! loves it!! he loves being the big spoon 🥺i love him.

I- Irritation (What is something that irritates them? How do they show their irritation?)

-- that reader continues to choose duncan over him fkjsvsfkv he wears his heart on his sleeve so i think when nate is upset or irritated... you know.

J- Jackpot (How would they spend their winnings if they won the lottery?)

-- does nate have more $ than the shepherds? debatable. but he isn’t as... flashy w his money as duncan is. he’s a little more down to earth if that makes sense. BUT thats besides the point. he’d probably donate a lot to a charity of his choice than take you on a little get away. maybe a cross country road trip 🥺 or off to an island getaway. he’s flexible.

K- Kryptonite (What is their ultimate weakness?)

-- virgo anon made me 🥺when we were talking about this bc nate would do anything for the people he loves and 🥺that gets him hurt. especially when he feels like those people dont love him in the way he does them 🥺

L- Laughter (What makes them laugh?)

-- clown!! nate is the guy that always keeps you laughing 🥺and most times he cant even contain his own laughter omg i will cry im in love with one man

M- Morning ( How do they wake up in the morning? Are they a morning person or a morning grouch?)

-- he’s a morning person 🥺 likes to start off his morning with a run and protein shake SMH fitness KING.

N- Needy (When do they feel particularly needy? How do they show it?)

-- he’s so used to being the one who’s needed 🥺 it takes him a while to be comfy being vulnerable and needy. idk if there’s anything in particular that sets him off to be like this - but i’d like to think it happens at random. like youre on the couch and he just nuzzles his face on your tummy for you to pet his hair. he demonstrates it by wanting to be close to you 🥺

O- Oasis (Where is their happy place? Where would they go if they didn’t have anything holding them back?)

-- i think he’d be the kinda guy that enjoys the sun (not just bc he looks hot, shirtless on a beach) but yes. somewhere nice and sunny where he could have maxie w him 🥺if he could stay on the beach where he started falling for dumb!reader (with her) for ever he would 🥺

P- Pain (How do they handle pain? How do they handle when you are in pain?)

-- emotional or physical? jfgksjdgsdk but no i think if he’s well regulated, he can handle pain well - it’s when he’s not that it’s a problem (w emotional pain) he stops taking care of himself the way he should and really spirals into his head a lot you know 🥺i think he can handle others being in pain better than himself bc he loves a lot and its easier to focus his attention on trying to fix things for them (like we said his biggest weakness is doing too much for those he loves)

Q- Quote (What’s a quote that fits them and your relationship)

-- “loving is easy” fjskfsf not to be too corny but 🥺being w nate was easy... always on the same page.. and made her feel good. 🥺

R- Reunion (How do they celebrate seeing you after a long time of being apart)

-- lots!!! of kissies!! picking you up!! holding you close!!! physical touch is pretty high on his love language list i think 🥺(i think quality time or acts of service might be his top two though)

S- Stress (What stresses them out? How do deal with stress and how do they relieve it?)

-- i generally think duncan is more of a control freak than nate, but i do think to some extent, they’re similar that when things feel out of their control, it really stresses them out. i think it manifests at different times. i think for duncan its more trivial things whereas w nate, if he feels like he could be doing something to “fix” something and he cant do anything it freaks him out. hes a healer, you know. i think working out is a big stress reliever for him 🥺my strong baby!! that and goofing off w reader 🥺

T- Terror (What are they afraid of?)

-- this kinda ties into his weakness (and could be amplified by his younger years) but he’s afraid of not really being enough for those he loves. especially if he was teased as a kid 🥺maybe thats why in a lot of his nightmares the theme of abandonment appears a lot 🥺i made myself SAD 🥺

U- Unique (What is a quirk that is unique to them?)

-- i asked virgo anon for help on this one 🥺and i love her so much 🥺 nate tugs on his hair when he’s nervous 🥺 he gets a lil annoyed after he buzzes it off and doesnt have much to pull on 🥺he likes to hold hands when spooning. loves to sing along to disney movies (but lets be honest, he’s the real prince KING)

V- Violence (Do they fight a lot? Are they a good fighter? What is their fighting style?)

-- well... idk if it’s fair to say he fights a lot because he tries not to resort to that - especially grad school nate. mostly because he knows he’s good at fighting. omfg... boxer!nate.... may have all my rights. and he doesn’t really wanna hurt anyone. BUT if needed!!! he will throw down. (ex. when dunc wouldnt let y/n leave the house. and then attacked him!! nate had to stand his ground 😌

W- Wow (What do you do that really surprises them? What do you do that they really like?)

-- idk i think nate was probably really surprised when reader gave him that second chance at friendship in the bathroom 🥺didnt think she would. on a lighter note, surprising him w fresh cooked meals always make him 🥺because... he’s trying but hasnt mastered the cooking thing yet.

X- (Explicit headcanon. For all you degenerates)

-- he’s uhh packing 😳and it hits all the right spots, you know 😳omfg and lets not forget the dickscussion we had about his head game being stronger than duncans 😌

Y- Yucky (Is there something that grosses them out so badly that they can’t deal with it?)

-- i wasnt sure what really grossed out medical professionals (if anything djsfs) but we kinda head canon for him to be into family / pediatric medicine so anything w LOTS of blood loss probably freaks him out

Z- ZZZ’s (What are their sleeping habits? Both with and without you)

-- my baby. nate has really bad night terrors especially on bad(tm) days. it usually helps to have someone w him to be able to keep him calm when he wakes up 🥺if its not y/n you can bet maxie will be there for tons of kissies. he’s a sleep talker 🥺and when sleeping w you he loves being big spoon 🥺and when he’s alone, he kinda sleeps curled up and w a lot of pillows. comfort KING

#nate #dumb!reader #nate x dumb!reader #duncan x dumb!reader x nate #duncan shepherd

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