#idk im really hurting very badly | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sol1loqu1st · 1 year

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i'm going to be seeing a new therapist later this month & i want to bring up possibly/probably having osdd, but i know that since more people have been kinda learning about what DID and osdd actually *are* there's been an influx of ppl claiming to have it (ftr it is NOT my place to tell people they're faking lmao, i don't care if someone claims to have a disorder and then later it turns out they don't & i don't think most ppl are "faking." it's between them & their therapist if they have it or not and it harms no one to self dx, people taking it less seriously isn't the fault of self dxed people either)

but anyway i'm worried that if i go into a therapist's office and immediately tell them i think i have Today's Trendy Disorder i won't be taken seriously. but at the same time there is really obviously *something* going on with me that isn't just normal depression & anxiety and treatment methods for bpd (like dbt, mood stabilizers, etc) haven't helped even a little bit over the several years i've been seeking treatment for it so i'm starting to suspect there's something else going on i haven't been seeing & honestly after talking with my last therapist abt stuff (who i was seeing for bpd/trauma stuff but looking back they were pretty obviously trying to get me to figure out i had a dissociative disorder, whether or not i do they certainly thought so) i'm realizing that some of the things i experience are a lot less normal than i thought and may be consistent w/ an osdd diagnosis (probably not DID because i don't really experience significant memory stuff though lol. i do a little but it's less "can't remember at all" and a little more like waking up from a dream where i can recall the gist of stuff but it feels far away)

i don't even know what id do with a diagnosis though. honestly i just want answers and a place to start in regards to treatment more than anything else

(advice welcome but not expected)

#idk though maybe it is just anxiety #lot of folks im seeing have like. this detailed internal world and talk to their alters and #have like very distinct separate identities and act really different and all that #my stuff is just like..... idk man #i thought i had osdd when i was a teenager but i eventually decided it was bpd mood swings and identity issues #and any memory stuff i did deal with was adrenaline from anxiety #and i'm still not convinced it's like #NOT that?#but the way people talk to me about myself when they're upset w/ me #like there's always this implication that i should be able to control what i do and say even when my emotions are boiling over #but i... Can't #if it's a situation where i could seriously fuck my or someone elses life up i can wrench back control of myself enough #to not get in serious trouble but when i get like how i do there have been times i literally know i shouldnt be doing something and #i want to stop so fucking badly and i just am basically watching myself fuck me over and make awful choices and i can't. stop myself #& i just. i always thought i was just making excuses for myself and that i was just. one of those horrible assholes #who acts like they cant control themself when they hurt others #(& i do take responsibility for the times i've hurt other people or lashed out unfairly. regardless of if it was me or an alter #it's still my responsibility to make things right)#but. idk. maybe it's not just that i'm a bad person #maybe there really is something actually going on with me and i can learn to cope w/ it in healthier ways #also shut up yeah the mp100 finale got me thinking abt this again ok. seeing mob helplessly watching from inside himself #as a Different Him went on a horrible unstoppable rampage. & the solution was that he had to accept the other him as part of himself #was. very much an 'oh' moment for me. so uh #yeah

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beatriceeverytuesday · 1 year

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Feeling something about growing up afab and experiencing misogyny my whole life and sharing that with other afab people and women (trans and cis ones) and then realizing I’m genderfluid and Sometimes A Boy and learning very quickly I can’t share that with anyone.

Because now I’M the problem. Now I’M the misogynistic, violent, disgusting, scary, evil masculine person that women and non-binary people (yes, even the queer ones) don’t want around for those reasons. The misogyny I experienced my entire life (side by side with them!) doesn’t matter anymore even when I still experience it!! And cis men don’t want me either, because I’m “not a real man.” And the people that still want me around usually say it’s because I’m “not a real man.” And terfs love to say I have “internalized misogyny.”

And so where do I fit? What group wants a Sometimes Guy or just any transmasculine person? And looking back at times I’ve come out to myself and others and very quickly realized it was a mistake and gone right back in the closet. Or I’ll be out to them but have to claim to never identify as masculine because doing so is Just Not Acceptable and they make that very clear. She/they or they/them if cool but the second I’m a she/they/he or a he/they we have a problem. “Oh, you’re genderfluid? That’s cool. You’re not like, a guy, right?” “Non-binary? At least you’re not a boy! Men are just the WORST.”

And I’m tired of squishing and crushing and destroying this piece of myself so people accept me in queer spaces or as their friend I’m tired of coming out to partners and getting dumped because it’s fine if I’m feminine or non-binary but not fine if I’m masculine, I’m tired of hearing maybe it’s okay if I’m transmasc if I only wanna bind and pack but oops never mind it’s not okay if I wanna start T. I’m tired of being taught to hate myself or that masculinity is inherently evil and I’m

Tired. Just. Tired.

#if youre gonna be a hater just go away i just needed to vent #turning off reblogs because this is not discourse!#this is just my emotions and life experiences #and maybe i have friends now that are cool with me but we dont really talk about it #so idk!!!#and im mostly quiet about myself and masculinity because people are scary and mean!#losing friends hurts and ive learned to put myself in a teeny tiny acceptable box #like i had to find the other queer people to be queer at all #but then it became ‘you can be queer just Not Like That’#i talk about it a little but Not Much im just very cautious #i have like one online friend i feel comfortable talking about this to #otherwise i just kinda hope everyone else doesnt hate me #i dont wanna bring it up cause thats when people start responding badly if i make it A Whole Thing #trans tag #gender tag #rambles #i need a tag for when i complain

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4ugust4r · 8 months

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I need to start taking edibles before work again or something cause this ain't it

#i want to like working here very badly i really do #im working in a zoo and i get paid quite a bit to mostly just stand around and hand [food item] to people #but man standing for 7+ hours fucking hurts!#and theres just something so demoralizing about spending soooo much of my time here dealing w some of the most thoughtless people #what a waste of my life you know #idk maybe I'll feel better after ive been paid

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angelhound · 1 year

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i think i have to start over my start over

#it is very strange and unreal to me to treat everyone i meet as trials that may or may not work out instead of like we are now chained #together by the throat because i feel. compassion for them #nothing works out forever and its because i am too liberal w the love giving #idk like theoretically. love can be me staying away from u because u aint act right. and i am doing that a lot lately but it is really odd #idk how to not feel like it means something to touch and be touched #i can explore intimacy deeper than my counterparts have ever before and then .. decide it is not going to work out regardless before i have #exhausted every possible way to make it work until either it Does or we are so sore theres nothing left to do but be done #i dont want to feel like i have this month #being that i am so frustrated with the way other people treat me i dont want to talk to anyone at all #obviously thats not right #but no one has done anything seriously wrong they just dont know what i know yet and therefore want something that i cannot give #and thats fine i really just want them to all succeed. but not by using my hands. it never works that way anyways you cannot do it for #someone. i used to wish i could because i felt deep sorrow for those who were lost. i would not even if you asked now #idk. a lot of my path right now is about experimenting what works and does not so i guess its fine that i keep being half wrong #i got distracted i was talking about. connecting. it still hurts to leave even when its been so short of time #i feel like im giving up on people. but its not my job to pull everyone out of drowning themselves and i cant even #the only true way i can help anyone is to get better and show you how. that is my gift i suppose. falling in holes so i can show u where #they are #allthough at heart i am an advocate of falling in your own holes i think it is a vital part of life and growing. i worded my analogy badly #i meant more… becoming light helps others to see their own. and especially for me i am good at verbal support/advice but i am exploring…#helping people without doing their heavy lifting for them. indirect methods. the more i am honest with myself and the world i hope it will #be meaningful. i want everyone to find it really. i think theres something so wrong with me and if there isnt its more confusing.#to feel the way i do all the time and have that be what is Right because it is so rare to see outside of me #if it is the truth then why is it nowhere else #i am fully aware it presents very narcissistically. to hear me say there is no one like me. or maybe you dont believe me idc. but i know im #not making it up because i was so desperate for my whole life to find someone and its really. not around. idk someone told me i am an #indigo child. but i know someone else who is and they are still … so confined to themselves in a way that i am just not #i gotta end this train of thought i can come to no conclusions if i cant pick a damn topic and rn clearly i cannot #there have been some who have come close to seeing but then they get stuck and i keep going #i hope that is not true forever because it is incredibly isolating to be a guiding star and not a human being

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privitivium · 3 days

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ok but how about a dom reader whos always busy (workaholic and shi) x an always clingy n touchy sub yan.

like. reader is never at home. and when he finally come back ends up doesn't paying that much attention to yan, sayin 'im too tired' or going to his home office. eventually being followed by yan cause omfg poor boy is basically starving for a little bit of attention. he still declines yan's pleadings tho

then one day this man shows up earlier and completely EAGER for his yan. idk what more can i say. breeding? degradation? daddy kink? dumbification? what could happen when theyre feeling so fucking needy for each other?

(also i love your writing so so much!!!!!!! <3

workaholic male reader, clingy sub yandere ^ rambles. euugh

dumbification works w either imo, reader fucking lover til hes stupid while simultaneously fucking his lover stupid?!

amab//domtop reader/subbot yandere, cw;; breeding, daddy kink, dumbification xd wanna rework this into a more ,,, eloquent fic. soon. have been busy. i really liked this idea so. will do on my own soon.

workaholic you, growing super distant… obviously making your lover paranoid. because what if you're cheating on him? you aren't, of course - he knows that, but he cant stop those kinds of thoughts from popping into his mind…!!! humping your pillow to ease himself while ur at work, watching the camera feed of you in your office… sigh…. often hearing the dreaded words accompanied by a soft simple pat on his back - not even a kiss... "sorry... please, baby, not right now. i'm too tired." he sobs himself to sleep, knowing you're only providing for him,,,, it hurts!!!

all his worries wash away when you arrive home earlier than usual! concerned, but all the more happy to see you appear in the doorway of your home… breathing ragged, looking all dark and mysterious,,,, the mere sight of you looking all deranged makes him hot and bothered. ignoring the way his dick twitches to life, uhmㅡ

"honey? why are you home so early, sweetheart?” draping himself across your front in a very affectionate hug. he couldnt help himself-! and, much to his delight you were not pushing him awayㅡand practically throwing yourself onto him?!?! hh..h.hh...

there you were,,, grasping his face in your hands, pressing your lips against his so hungrilyㅡ “i need youㅡneed you. need you.” expressing your apparent neediness over and over as you bury your face in the crook of his neck ㅡ he was startled, but so fucking eager to comply? feeling the way your boner presses against him? you were that eager for him just as he is you???,,,,, he nearly faints. tearing up with a now raging erectionㅡ “please, baby, i need you - i need you reallyㅡreally badly-” so fucking happy as he completely smothers you in his love,,,

you don't need to tell him twice,,, throwing the front door closed…,,, leading him to the bedroom, covering his face in kissesㅡeven when there was a perfectly good couch right there to make love on. he won't complain,,,, hes gotten used to the null feeling of toys...,,, so, feeling the very loving embrace of your dick filling him up overstimulates him rather.,,, quickly!!! thinking about how truly awful you are to neglect this pretty litte thing, how could you? so, so very awful.

your darling little lover sobbing on your cock… he's so beautiful - experiencing his love and affection for the first time in forever? berating yourself for being so distant,,, pouring all your frustration at yourself into his flexing taut hole,,,, “mm-misssed you… s-so mu-uch daddy-!” he doesn't seem to catch what he just moaned… too drunk on the feeling of your cock pistoning in and out of him - it feels otherwordly?!

and, i mean. going along with it. with ease, because he deserves everything. especially, anything for your darling lover who just wants affection, your love!!! laughing breathlessly as you piston your hips against his, nuzzling your nose into the side of his head - peppering his face in kisses, “daddy's right here, sweet thing - n-never leaving again, y'hear?” it was… a little odd, but fitting. afterall, you're pumping load after load - breeding him. obviously you'd be the daddy in this situation…,,,,

#“clingy touchy yandere”#x male reader #x top male reader #x dom male reader #male reader #top male reader #dom male reader #yandere x male reader #yandere male x reader #sub yandere x male reader

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doyouevenshipbr0 · 2 months

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examples of atla live action’s attempts to be more feminist and how they actually had the opposite effect and/or hurt the integrity of the show

already talked about katara and pakku. does not make sense that she did not have a master. point blank. just because something sounds empowering (ie katara saying “yes. and ur looking at her.” after zuko asked if she found a master) doesn’t mean it automatically is. there still needs to be logic and katara “being her own master” defies logic imo im sorry!

katara in general. she has no ferocity here which to be very honest i dont think is fully the writers’ fault. some of the blame goes on them but the actress for katara just delivered alllllll of her lines w the same exact mild tone. katara is overly motherly. she is bossy. she is passionate. she is nurturing. she is emotional. THERE IS POWER IN THESE THINGS!!!!! why would we take away her spark?!?!?!

i loved live action suki. however, i LOVE the line in the original when her and sokka part ways and sokka says “i treated u like a girl when i should’ve treated u like a warrior.” and suki says “i am a warrior” *kisses sokka on the cheek* “but im a girl too.” THAT LINE WAS SO PERFECT like lemme say it again there is POWER IN FEMININITY! there is no shame in that!!!!! why does this show wanna take that away so badly. at one point live action suki says something like “im not just a warrior, im a kiyoshi warrior” and before she parts ways w sokka she thanks him for showing her some of the world or something like that. which was fine but i just love the simplicity of the original. a girl can be a warrior and have a crush. why do we have to change that?

this is a small one and it doesnt REALLY matter, but i cant help but think they changed this to be more “feminist” which is just dumb. yue isnt betrothed? well she was but she broke it off? and hahn (her ex) isnt a huge dick? i mean it wasn’t the worst thing and i didnt really mind it but i was just kinda like ?????. feel like yue being betrothed tied into her sense of responsibility and foreshadowed the sacrifices she will make for her people. so. feels rly weird that they changed it. i think it was to show more women agency which is always cool. but in the original, yue finally gets her agency by becoming the moon spirit. that should be the end of her character arc. idk. a weird change that seemed unnecessary.

sokka not being sexist. honestly i think the live action did a good job at omitting this while not REALLY making it feel like something was missing. with that being said, something was still missing lol. once again, its apart of sokka’s character. i feel like everyone has already expressed their hate for this so ill just leave it at that.

i am a TAD indifferent on the women of the northern tribe joining the forces during the fight. on one hand i cant lie i smiled bc obviously i love water bending and i love women so there was definitely apart of me that was happy to see that moment. however. it was kind of giving like in endgame when theres that random shot of all the women superheroes in one frame so the movie could have a “slay queen. we are girlbosses:)” moment. like it just felt a little empty and it wasnt the feminist battlecry they thought it was. these women have been healing their whole lives. why would they be any good on the frontlines of a fight? they never learned combat skills! HOWEVER, when we see them, its mainly just them reinforcing the walls so like. that makes enough sense. im cool w that.

i know im dwelling but as we know i hold atla in the highest regards. it does a lot of things perfectly imo. and one of the things i think it does PERFECTLY is its treatment of female characters. literally the only thing i can think of that i dont like is when team azula beats the kiyoshi warriors and ty lee says something like “u are NOT prettier than us” NDBSKSJDJ like ok that was weird. but anyways. it irritates me how the live action kind of seems to have this pov that says “the original was good, but there were some ideas and plots that were outdated so we changed them to keep with the times” like they’re fixing something that was broken if that makes sense. when in actuality, i think atla’s representation of women is perfect and timeless. it was relevant and powerful in 2005, and it is equally as relevant and powerful in 2024. there was nothing about its feminist themes that needed to be “fixed” or “updated”.

#personal #atla #avatar the last airbender #avatar #avatar the last airbender live action #avatar live action #live action avatar the last airbender #live action atla #atla live action

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dickmastersfruit · 1 month

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i dont even know how to ask this because i just want one thing well two actually u change my mind alastor without his jacket all messy like (you know what i mean) AND HIS HAIR UP IN A LITTLE PONYTAIL OR BUN IDC IDK ITS JUST UP AND IM DROOLING

Im gonna eat you

Pairing: Alastor x F!reader

Warnings: the only warning is the fact that i wrote this at 3 am so enough said.. but also there lowkey really horny...

Wordcount: 524

Note: Eveytime i see art of this man with his hair up lord have mercy.. id devour him actually.

You have known Alastor for a long time now. You had met him while you were both still alive. Although there were bans on alcohol at the time, you were able to sneak your way into a speakeasy. You sat at the damp gross bar waiting for the man to serve you. Of course being a woman he took his sweet time before ever asking you what you’d like. However a tall slender man walked up to you. He was wearing all red and wore a smirk that seemed to never leave his lips. After a night of drinking and doing things a lady shouldn't have done you went home fulfilled… and filled. To your dismay never seeing the man again.

That was until you ended up in hell for a cute murdering spree or whatever. You walked around aimlessly before bumping into two girls by accident. The girl with long blonde hair apologized frantically which just made you stare at her annoyed. You hated overly happy people. Of course the happy girl asked you to her hotel in which you totally thought she was trying to have a threesome, but really she was just being nice.

After months of living in this hotel and ‘trying’ to get better so you could be redeemed. Which you thought was a load of bullshit because why would you wanna get better when you're already better than everyone. During those months though you had gotten very close to Alastor. You had spent many nights with him, not always of sexual nature of course.

One morning though you woke up and you quickly realized he was gone from your bed. Which wasn’t normal usually after being with you he wanted to be as close as possible. You looked around the room to see if maybe he just decided not to sit on the bed. Your eyes widened as he came out of the bathroom with no shirt on and just pants. To make matters worse he had his hair in a little ponytail. His hair wasn’t quite long enough to have all his hair up so there were little bits sticking off the side and sticking out from under where it was pulled up. You stared at him like you could have devoured him right in that moment.

“What” His staticy voice broke you out of your thoughts. He slowly walked toward you, joining you in bed again. He began talking about god knows what but you could focus on his hair at this moment.

“This is new” You say, interrupting him, reaching your hand up to his hair. “Very hot” You breath heavily watching him, watching how he sat there so slutty without even realizing.

His head whipped to you as he realized how you were ogling him like some object. “You think?” He whispered sultrily as his hand came up to grip your throat.

You let out a whimper as he brings your face to his before kissing you slowly. So slow it almost hurt how badly you wanted him at that moment. You were aching for his attention, attention only he could ever give you.

Masterlist Alastor Masterlist

#bbgwrites #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin #hazbin hotel #alastor hazbin hotel #alastor fic #hazbin hotel fic #hazbin hotel oneshots #alastor the radio demon #alastor x reader #hazbin alastor #radio demon #alastor #oneshot

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firesnap · 2 months

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i have a genuine question. i promise i am not at all trying to defend him. ive dropped him entirely, literally deleted everything i had of him and unliked his songs.

ive just been wondering like considering that he has been in therapy, and also considering how if he does take a year off and then comes back, why cant it be redeemable? like cant people change? cant we give them second chances? he is 27. is he just doomed to be an abuser forever?

its just scary and im asking as like a younger person who is in my very early 20s. i know ive made mistakes. i know ive not been a good partner or friend sometimes. (and yes i was also abusive to a past partner...im not proud of it and ive learned from it. i have never ever touched anyone in that way after that. it took awhile but my current relationship isnt toxic and i would never hurt anyone or hit them again yknow?) and it scares me that people keep insinuating that he is irredeemable. like cant abusers change and become better? dont they get second chances? if shelby has grown and healed in 10 months wouldn't it be fair to say the same for wilbur?

im just genuinely asking because based on everything i believe you are older than me and im looking for guidance and just...idk im scared. growing up on the internet has made me so scared of making mistakes and doing anything wrong because when it happens to others i look up to, its always treated as something they'll never be able to change or improve. makes me feel like imma just be a horrible person forever because i made mistakes in the past.

This is a really complicated question that multiple answers can validly fit.

I don't think, personally, that anyone is irredeemable. I think everyone is on a journey of forgiveness and some of us may need more grace than others.

This is tw// abuse even more than the current topic, but my mom was incredibly abusive. We lived in a very rural area and she had a lot of undiagnosed problems and trauma of her own that created a pressure pot of issues. After I was born, she suffered through full on post-partum psychosis that nearly ended about as well as that sentence implies it could have. She was incredibly violent, controlling, and cruel for years. My sister went no-contact with her the second she turned 18. A significant event occurred that eventually spurned her into seeking real treatment that lasted for years. It's still ongoing.

My sister is also still no contact and I support her decision 100%. Those are her wounds and what she needed to do to get peace should be respected. I decided I wanted a relationship with the person who came out of all that work and, even then, it's been hard. I don't know if she's redeemed herself, and my god do we still have bumps in the road, but I support her for trying.

With Wilbur, how he responds to this is going to really impact a lot of things. I mean, I know no matter how he responds I won't be going on whatever journey of redemption and healing he has to go through. I'm tired and I feel hurt enough. I would think, if he wanted to show he was sincere, admitting what happened would be a great sense of closure for a lot of people who put time and energy and faith into this guy for years.

Not every person that causes harm is inherently evil, but there has to be some kind of knowledge that you're aware of the harm you've caused. No one is stuck as anything forever, life is constantly moving, and most people aren't saying his life is just over. You can work on yourself. You can change. And I'm saying that specifically to you, anonymous.

(Saying this, actually, there ARE people who would argue once you've done x you're beyond redemption based entirely on their life experiences as a victim, personal histories and many other factors. Kinda like my sister, that's their choice. And you have to accept that sometimes you fuck up so badly that you will permanently lose some people from your life. But your life isn't over.)

But I do think, regardless of what he says or does about this, his time of controlling a large platform is at an end. He can still do a lot of things in his life after he works on himself -- editing, song producing, directing, writing or whatever -- but being in charge of a large impressionable audience that could enable more destructive behaviors is just not it.

#the current state of things

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yangbbokari · 5 months

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hiii, im back again!! I’m totally inlove with your part 2 of the bet !! I just thought of another angst (I know sorry 😭) but what about stray kids pushing reader away, avoiding them at all costs because of something (idk😭) and reader thought the wrong idea and started to overthink but reader ended up going on a walk but ran into a friend and started to talk to them, not noticing the time, the sun setting, And their phone blowing up with miss calls and messages from their lover. They totally forgot about everything. Then reader finally heads home after their friend telling them they have to go and once they walk in they see their worried/sobbing significant other.

- 🧈

sry that this took so long anon😭I've just been real lazy as always

Needed Space

Pairing: Han Jisung x gn!reader Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/comfort Warnings: Yelling, crying, language, i think that's it Summary: You give Han the space he wanted so badly and he grows worried. A.N.: Hehe 🧈 anon…. I got lazy again as u can see but I’m finally done😭

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was the week of the comeback so you knew it’d be busier and Han would be more stressed. But even so, you didn’t expect him to distance himself this far.

It got to the point where only a few words were exchanged and you only saw him about twice a week.

One day, Han decided to take a quick break. It wasn’t really a break since he was still working on different pieces of music, but at least he got to stay at home.

“Hey… Hannie? Have you had something to eat yet?” You timidly asked as you stepped into the room. “Hi, baby. I’ll eat in a bit. Just let me finish this real quick.” You softly sigh, walking up to him and made him look at you. “You already said that hours ago. You need some food in your system to finish your work.”

He shoved you away, nearly knocking you off you’re feet. “Look. I already told you I’ll eat later! I don’t have time to humor you so just leave me the fuck alone.” Your boyfriend didn’t even spare you another look before returning to his work.

You could only nod your head slowly. You slipped out of the room and grabbed your things. You knew he was just stressed but you couldn’t help the tears that pricked your eyes.

You thought about tell Han that you’d be out for a minute, but he did tell you to leave him alone. So you just left the house. ~~~ You didn’t even notice the amount of time that had passed until the sun began to set. Your phone had died a while back but you wanted to spend a bit more time by yourself.

Seeing the sun set, you knew it was time to finally return home. You hoped that Han would have cooled down down by the time you got back.

You didn’t really want to return to an angry Han so you trudged your way home. The pebbles and leaves seemed so much more interesting all of a sudden.

There was still a good distance between you and your home when you heard someone running towards you. Your terrified eyes quickly softened when a very disheveled Han stopped in front of you.

He wrapped his arms around you and cried into your shoulder. Pushing you away a bit roughly, checking your sides to make sure you weren’t injured.

“Wh-where were you? I got so scared.” He asked, still worried.

Your eyes held the softest comfort in you for him. “I was just at the corner cafe, baby.”

“We’re you going to leave me? I saw that all your most important assets were gone and I began to think that I finally scared you away for good.” He threaded his fingers through his hair rapidly before continuing to ramble to you. “I didn’t mean to yell at you, sweetheart. I was just so so stressed and frustrated. I know that’s no excuse to treat you the way I did. But I’m just trying to explain to you because… because… because I’m scared you’ll leave me and I just really want you to stay by my side.”

“Hannie…”

“Please don’t leave me…”

“Hannie…”

“I’ll do anything.”

“Hannieeee….”

“You mean everything to me and I really don’t want to lose you.”

“Hannie!!”

He slightly jumped as his eyes met yours. “Y-yes?”

“You’re rambling again. It’s fine. I know you were stressed and that’s why I gave you the space to calm down. You mean a lot to me and I wouldn’t risk losing you over a small argument.”

Han let out a breath of relief with a smile before hugging you. “Thank you for forgiving me. I’m so sorry. I can’t promise but I’ll try to be better for you.”

The two of you walked back home together. You were glad that he was by your side and so was he.

#skz fanfic #han jisung fanfic #han jisung angst #han jisung fluff #han jisung hurt/comfort #Eheheheheehehehehehehe #mumu writes

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pepprs · 2 years

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experiencing unbearable levels of misery

#purrs #not to continue ranting and raving about how bad it is rigjt now but it is very bad. like i do not want to wake up tomorrow a little bit bad #but i am going to wake up tomorrow and i am going to bring a painting and i am going to ask to talk again maybe and i am going to deal with #the consequences of my actions even though they LITERALLY are not that bad and are the expected normal human response in this situation. lik #like i have to hold on to.. idk. like this isn’t me. im just reacting. and im allowed to react badly because this fucking sucks and im so #hurt over it and i need to say that. even if it’s selfish even if there’s no purpose other than to tell her so. i need to. bc i feel like im #falling apart rn. i am so mentally ill about this it is not even a big deal comparatively but i am losing my mind and she needs to know. lol #delete later #* this isn’t me = it’s not MY actions that got us into this stupid fucking mess. like how are you goi ng to do something so selfish and #cruel and uncaring and the. tell us we can’t show sadness about it LOLLLL LIKE AFE YOU KIDDING ME! i know that’s not fair to her but like.#i literally am so hurt and frustrated and angry. i feel used a little bit LMAOOOO. i hate this. what did it mean to you really if you just #decide like that to bounce ESPECUALLY RIGHT NOW IN THIS MOMENT LIKE. HELLO. HELLOOOOOOOO. did you even care abt us at all 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

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bonesandthebees · 2 months

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Okay fuck it. I think scrolling for hours today is enough DJFKGKFK I'll just log back out. I wanna focus my energy on more positive things

Im so gonna log back in the minute my friend sends me another tweet but HDKGKGKD no. I will do my best. He's not worth our time man.

Okay one more tiny rant about him and then I promise I'll stop I just OOOHHMYGODHFJGKG HE JUST. I had so much hope. That. He would reply and it wouldn't fix things, I wouldn't go back to watching him or anything but at the very least I could get closure that like? Maybe his closer friends would be able to heal and move on? Idk if that's parasocial or whatever but he was such a big role model for me the past few years I really had hope that at least some parts of it were real, you know? And instead we just find out that he not only did these shitty things but didn't fucking learn and did it to other people too and??? It's really really upsetting that he created this safe space, this community of people who were all so lovely while just being. Fake. The whole time. And he doesn't even have the gull to properly apologise and I just??#?# idk what to do with my emotions LMFAO I'd finally started to feel better and like move on but now today I'm just angry again grgrgfhfjdkdk and I totally get that like him being a complete dickhead is easier in a lot of ways bc there's no. Doubting it. Or anything. Like there's no redeeming him. And we can get closure from that. But fuckkk it hurts so badly and the tl is a mess of ppl being like "well this person would never do me wrong" and then ppl being like "fuck every YouTuber ever actually. We can't ever be sure we know them" and LIKE!$?_?$?

Dude I am so conflicted on so many levels rn I feel like my entire world has just been yeeted into the sun LMFAODKFKFKFK

Anyways. Anyways. Thank you bee. Ur tumblr is the only account w a brain rn fr lmfaodjfkfkfks

I get it, I'm fucking furious at him. he had a chance to at least own up to what he did. I wouldn't have gone back to consuming his content, but I could be somewhat at peace knowing he was taking steps towards being better.

I don't want to think it was all a lie, because abusers aren't all completely evil people. the thing is, wilbur is human. a very shitty human, but human nonetheless. and we can't know for sure how healthy or unhealthy every relationship in his life has ever been and I think overanalyzing that or trying to figure out what was fake and what was real isn't really our business or worth our time. wilbur is a guy who has hurt a lot of people, but also refuses to recognize the hurt he's caused. that's it.

I do hate the dichotomy I'm seeing between people trying to prop up their own favorite white boys on a pedestal because apparently people never learn, but also going out and saying every content creator is inherently evil and we shouldn't trust any of them. these people are human. they're all going to fuck up at some point, some worse than others. and sometimes they'll fuck up in a way that they can move past and we can forgive them for, and other times they'll fuck up in a way that shows they shouldn't have the platform they have. they're not all terrible, and they're not all perfect. that's what we should be keeping in mind for the future.

#ask #icyfox17 #wilbur situation

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aridiary · 5 months

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y.jw : I HOPE THEY CAUGHT US

pairing : jungwon x fem!reader

genre/content : smut, jealousy, slapping, overstimulation, riding, nicknames, penetration, unprotected sex, established relationship, mention of passing out, masturbate the partner (won receiving), switch!jw & switch jealous!reader

warning : +18 content, porn

author's note : im so sorry for upload this so late, i was a little busy and yk, but here it is and idk if this is what 💭anon was waiting I've never really written anything like this and it's new to me, So I'm sorry if this wasn't what you expected. 😭😭

request by 💭anon and an idea of another anon. 💕

at this very moment you wanted to insult the "poor" girls sitting in front of you. You felt angry, frustrated and of course, jealous. That girl, along with her other friend, were on both sides of your boyfriend, flirting with him and making physical contact in order to get his attention.

'Does he not realize their intentions?' You thought as you looked directly at your boyfriend with a frown and he didn't notice, he was so focused on the other girls, wasn't he?

You did everything to get his attention since you all are at his sister's house: from sighing loudly, making sudden movements to staying silent and staring at him, and as if that were not enough, he seemed to have fun with it.

You adore Jungwon's sister, and there is no doubt about that, she has become the older sister that you have always wanted and needed, but at this moment you couldn't even answer the questions she asked you without speaking coldly or looking at her badly, but his little brother was getting on you and her friends even more so.

You didn't want to seem jealous, much less toxic, but this wasn't even the first time he provoked you like this, but he's not going to get his way.

You sighed once more to get his attention and stood up without saying anything and went directly to the upstairs rooms, where you had left your bag when you both arrived.

"what's wrong with her?" One of the girls said when you disappeared up the stairs and laughed with her friend while caressing your boyfriend's shoulder.

"Fuck..." Jungwon whispered and his smile faded, he stood up and followed you to the guest room. He knew he had screwed up, he knew how much you love him and that you can't help but get jealous when the girls around him act like his sister's friends, but shit, he had crossed a line this time.

"babe..." He said walking into the guest room, watching you rummage through the things in your bag.

"fuck you" He sighed and approached you from behind. You turned around and looked at him angrily, red and frowning with anger. "Oh, now you dare approach YOUR girlfriend after letting two random girls flirt with you and touch you?"

"Keep your voice down, please..." he gently grabbed your shoulders and you walked away. "Hey, I'm sorry, really..."

"Fuck you, you and them, for touching my boyfriend in front of me and you for not respecting your own relationship…” you said angrily and pushed him slightly.

"I respect our relationship, yn..." he didn't give up and approached you again. "I just wanted to bother you for a while, I'm really sorry..."

"Oh, so the boy just wanted to bother me?" You grabbed him by the collar of his shirt lightly without hurting him and approached him. "You're an idiot."

You let go of him abruptly and headed to the door. Jungwon didn't even bother to turn around because he thought you would leave, but when he heard the door close and footsteps behind him, he was completely confused. "You're going to pay me, Jungwon, because this isn't the first time..."

Jungwon gasped lightly as you cupped his soft bulge in your hands, which felt the warmth of your skin and hardened. "Not here, please..." He said lightly in a whisper. "Be thankful I didn't decide to do it in front of them, Yang."

You gave his bulge a squeeze before throwing him onto the bed in the room and sitting on his lap. "Although it seems like you want us to do this here, right?" You said moving your hips slightly over his hard bulge, indicating his already formed erection.

Jungwon let out another gasp and put his hands on your hips. He couldn't refuse what he really wanted, even though his plan wasn't to do this at his sister's house, he needed it... he needed you. "You... are really hot when you're jealous, Did you know?" Jungwon smiled slightly and tried to raise his hands to your waist but you stopped him.

"You're such a tease... This was what you wanted, right? Make me jealous to do this?" Jungwon nodded and you leaned towards him. "I think it's time for someone to establish order here, don't you think?"

Jungwon just looked into your eyes and kept his hands on the side of his body. Very rarely did he let you take control, even you preferred him to be the dominant one on these occasions, but you just now wanted him to realize his mistake, so once your face was close enough to his, you lowered your head to his neck and bite him slightly.

"yn-..." He closed his eyes tightly and held your waist firmly, digging his nails into your delicate skin.

"I think you and those girls need to know who is really the only one who can touch you." You continued attacking his neck, leaving small reddish marks around his neck that would probably turn purple later.

"Babe..." His breathing was getting faster and his bulge in his pants was getting harder and wetter. His hips unconsciously pushed up to press against your pelvis and he began to squirm at the friction.

"What do you want, Yang?" You placed your calves on his thighs and forced him to lower his hips to the mattress. "You... please" he said in a needy, desperate whisper. "What? I didn't hear you correctly" you smiled evilly. "I need you, i want you, please... i want to feel you around me"

"What exactly do you want me to do with you?..." You said, lowering your right hand down his chest until you reached his abdomen and caressed it over his shirt. "i- just do whatever you want, yn... im yours."

You smiled satisfied with his answer and lowered your hands to his pants, lowering them to his knees and leaving his boxers that had a dark stain of his precum that came from his already erect cock. You pulled down his boxers too and admired his throbbing, needy member with desire. "oh, wish those girls would come in right now and see you... under my control" you smiled innocently as you caressed his member gently.

"dont be mean... please, yn" Jungwon told you as he tried to control his breathing. He lifted his head a little to see you playing with his member like a little girl with a new doll, even though he knew your intentions for tonight.

"You should have thought about that before you let two girls touch you in front of me," you arched an eyebrow and made small, annoying circles with your thumb over his sore throbbing tip.

"Well... I just wanted to make you a bit jealous..." he whimpered and arched his back. "a bit?" You responded and a 'tsk' came out of your mouth after that.

Now Jungwon found it difficult to speak because of the pleasure he felt. His body writhed beneath yours as you played with his member and his teeth bit his lower lip to keep from moaning loudly. You curled your long, slender fingers around his length and spit on the tip so you could lubricate him, you began to move your hand up and down tortuously. "f-faster please..."

You laughed at his plea and simply kept your pace slow as you looked your boyfriend in the eyes. It was the first time you saw little Jungwon in this state, so desperate under your control and it really turned you on, and obviously him too.

You decided to be a little nicer to him, so after a few seconds your hand began to move faster on his cock and it became harder for him to silence his moans. "For me you are free to moan whatever you want... I would love for those bitches to hear how I make you feel..." Jungwon’s hands moved up to your bare thighs, squeezing them as he tried to look you in the eyes. "hey..."

You laughed and followed your movements until you felt his orgasm approaching: how he closed his eyes tightly, how he dug his nails hard into your skin, how his abdomen contracted before he came. That's how you realized he was close, and just before he could finally cum, your hand stopped and he looked at you in confusion. "what are you doing?..."

"It's my revenge, love" you smiled and stood in front of him. “please…” Jungwon begged you and replaced your hand with his, but he quickly gave up, knowing that his hand didn’t compare to yours in every way.

You smiled and put your hands under the skirt of your dress and pulled your panties down until they were on the floor. You turned back to him and sat on his lap again and Jungwon couldn't help but moan at the feeling of your wet soft pussy on his thigh. "Do you feel me, baby?" You put your hands on his abdomen and started ride his thigh. "Feel how wet you made me..."

"shit... please, let me cum..." Jungwon moved his hips for attention. Your pussy on his thigh didn't help at all, much less with the movements that your small hips made with the intention of teasing him, and you were succeeding. After a little torture towards your poor boyfriend, you began to rub your pussy with his cock: the wet folds of your intimacy perfectly hugging the base of your boy's cock.

"yn... yn, please" He said crying lightly and forcefully grabbed your hips to lift you up and lower you back onto his erect member now buried deep in you. "ah! jungwon-..." You moaned unconsciously and quickly covered your mouth because of how loud you moaned, or well, loud enough to be heard downstairs. "Shit, Jungwon, I hate you."

Your boyfriend didn't even respond and just moved your hips with his hands to please his poor erection. On the other hand, you began to ride him desperately, making their skins collide in wet and dirty noises all over the room. "yn, stop-..." "You should have thought about that before sticking your cock inside me without asking."

You leaned forward, both arms resting on the sides of Jungwon's head as you continued riding him as fast as your body could. Jungwon managed to cum with a moan that he was able to silence by kissing your lips passionately, but still, you continued riding him with speed and desperation even if you had already come too.

Jungwon told you to stop, but it was impossible, just thinking about how messy he would look after several forced rounds and that those of his sister's friends saw him in that state made you even more urged to continue, ignoring his prayers. Although you knew that if he really didn't want any more, he would use that key word that you both agreed on and memorized just in case.

You kept going and going, making him cum inside you a few more times. His face was red and sweaty, his pretty and delicate eyes that hypnotized anyone were wet with tears from overstimulation and his body was shaking from the repeated waves of pleasure that you and your precious pussy gave him.

And you? You were ruined, and you didn't know if you were more than him. but your body was tired and numb, the only thing you could feel was his cum dripping from your self-abused hole. You couldn't even know how much time had passed since you went up to the room, the only thing you knew was that at no time did you think about doing so many rounds in such a short time.

but when you stopped because you already thought it was enough for both of you, Jungwon, your dear, adorable and innocent boyfriend changed positions with you, putting all his weight on your sore and fragile body. "Jungwon..." he put your calves on his shoulders and held your waist firmly. "shh, save the little strength you have for what's to come, pretty"

Without warning, Jungwon began to move inside you, with all the force he could fuck you and squeezing your waist tightly. "Do you think you can have fun watching me suffer? Look at how you are now, you can't even look me in the eyes" he slapped your tits which quickly brought you back to the moment.

"Won-..." you held his wrists with what little strength you had. Your eyes rolled back in your head and you felt like at any moment you were going to pass out from overstimulation. "bitch" Without stopping thrust into you, he brought his hands to your breasts and pinched your nipples hard.

Now you felt on the verge of collapse, about to explode, not only because of your approaching orgasm, but also because of all the overstimulation that you had given yourself to punish your boyfriend, and now he was going to make you cum who knows how many more times.

"Now you're not so dominant, huh? You dirty girl. Maybe I should fuck you as hard a few more times as you deserve for being a whore... but you've really tired me out so much." He knew he couldn't last so many more rounds, but he continued because he knew you were going to go crazy with one more orgasm.

and he didn't stop until he felt your pussy tighten around his length again and he came one last time inside you. He caught his breath and leaned towards you. “I love you, my jealous girl,” he kissed your cheek gently and you looked into his eyes while you also caught your breath.

You could barely breathe, it wasn't easy to have so many orgasms and not be able to moan comfortably with three people on the floor below, but you just looked at him and hit his shoulder lightly. "you idiot."

"Jungwon? yn? are you okay?" Jungwon's sister's voice sounded from the hallway.

"Shiitt"

author's note 2: I'm sorry if even Jungwon's part was too short but I really wanted to finish this and I don't have many ideas either, I hope you enjoy it 😭😭

#enhypen #enhypen jungwon #jungwon smut #enhypen smut #yang jungwon #jungwon #jungwon hard hours #enhypen yang jungwon #smut #enhypen hard hours #hard hours #yang jungwon smut #jungwon x reader #jungwon x you #jungwon x y/n #jungwon x female reader #enhypen hard headcanons

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