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submalevolentgrace · 11 months

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hi hello, sorry it's another amputee question, idk if you get tired of these. i found your blog and i like how you share your experiences, thank you for this. im abled myself but im writing a story, and i want my main girlie protag to have a prosthetic leg and here's the thing, i dont really have a reason for it. i guess it says something about me, don't know what, but i just don't know if that's considered, well, offensive, or rude, or something. i don't plan to have any focus on it in the story. the medium is a comic so it's going to be always visible as a prosthetic, but i don't want to explain it in-story either, no backstory, she would probably just have it since early childhood. it won't affect the plot. and that's where i don't know if that's even okay. it feels weird to want that, to include that, almost as if i need to somehow turn the story about it, to have some kind of statement. which i don't actually want to make or even feel able to make as never experiencing it. i want for her to have a prosthetic leg just because. and i don't have anyone to ask this, and i don't mean to offend you by this, and i apologize if i somehow did. but if it's okay with you to answer, i'd appreciate reading. if it's gonna be an angry rant i'd like to read it too. i know you're an upper body amp, but idk, i feel like this question isn't much about the use of prosthetics and more of the general amputee characters, and im scared to ask reddit, i don't even know if that ask made sense. thank you if you read that all, please don't feel pressured to answer. hopefully you'll have something good that brightens your day a little!

thank you, i actually really appreciate this ask! sorry that the response is long and wordy, i got a bit carried away…

so, i've gotten a lot of asks/dms/notes from writers asking about how to write their amputee characters/ocs after my big "writing advice" post, and i think i've ended up ignoring every single one of them, because… well, not to be rude to all those people, but they seem to have completely bounced off the whole 'know why you are writing this' thesis, too caught up in the excitement of their own fantasy to even notice the bit about understanding your own intent as an author and why that matters, let alone really engaging with it. and at that point, i don't think there's any advice or feedback i can give that would break through, especially when it seems what most people are seeking is little details and nuances to add authenticity to their token representation characters or unintentional stereotypes.

but, without any other details or nuances that shape a character's portrayal, based solely on what you've said in this ask, i feel like you're on the right track and probably gonna do fine. the thing that sticks out most clearly to me is how you phrase it, "i WANT to write a protagonist to have a prosthetic leg", you are acknowleding your role as omnipotent author, and i honestly think that's worth a lot more than many people realise when it comes to crafting fiction. you've acknowledged your desire for this character to be a certain way, and you're being introspective about the source of those desires and how it will come across - and that means you're almost certainly also thinking about how it interacts with the rest of the story, how it serves your themes, and how it will be interpreted and understood by the audience.

a lot of responses or people asking me for advice say things like "i am writing a character who HAS an amputation", implying it's an observable fact, pre-concluded before their authoring of them, and therefore something they're much less likely to examine critically. maybe it's unfair of me to draw such deep conclusions from shallow choice of language, but firstly, so many people have been far more obvious about it, saying a character "revealed" or "told" them about the amputation, or just straight up talking abot them as independent entities with their own agency, as if it's a biography and not fiction. and secondly, what are we even doing talking about improving the craft of our writing and how it will be recieved by the audience if we're not going to think about how framing affects interpretation? if someone is reaching out to me asking for writing advice, you bet i am going to assume this is a person who wants to improve the details of their own writing craft, and i'm going to critically engage with the tiny snippet of writing they've given me and analyse how it reflects on them, even if it is "just" a tumblr interaction. i don't even consider myself a writer really, the art i mainly dedicate myself to is music, but i still put careful thought into anything i write that's more than a few sentences, and think about the audience it will be seen by.

sorry, that's a whole other tangent… not at all about what you asked. but by way of example and segue back; what i see you reveal in the writing of your ask is a nervousness and anxiety to 'do well' in your writing, to create a character with an amputation in a way that holds up to scrutiny and criticism, and also a fear of what unfortunate things you might be saying and the responses it would provoke if you misstep. i can totally understand that, not just because you messaged me and i personally have a track record of going off on people lol, but also… yeah, people are very eager to judge and attack art based on a hidden metric of how 'well' it does 'representation' or handles things, and be vocal about the failings of things that make an earnest attempt. and i can see that it's very appealing to want to pull back and hide from that; a character who has a prosthetic leg opens you up to your audience critiquing how well you've handled it, most of them not amputees, many of them with the subtlety and media analysis skills of a sledgehammer… while if you write a story with no amputees in it, nobody has anything to critique.

unfortunately, no matter how well or carefully or authentically you write, there will always be someone engaging with it in bad faith yelling loudly about how awful you are; i recently made a short sharp post giving a trigger warning for medical abuse and body horror in the new zelda game that painfully evoked some of my own experiences, i still got people reblogging it telling me i'm ableist for saying disability is body horror (piss on the poor reading comprehension) and should apologise to all amputees (waves my one hand and nub around in a comical hello gesture). maybe that is on me for writing it quickly in an upset huff instead of making at least two proofreading and editing passes and oh geez, this is getting waaay too long and off topic. okay, to the point.

honestly, from what little you've told me, to be overly reductive, i'd give it a stamp of approval. sometimes people just only have one leg and that's fine, people are born like that, it's a thing that happens - and it doesn't need to shape the entirety of their lives, and reflecting that in fiction is more than just fine, i think it's what we need. sure any amputee character i write is going to be an overt commentary on ableism and medical abuse, because that's what i live, that's what affects me. but i know because i've watched their stuff on youtube, that there are so many people out there that were born limb different that just, don't care about it, and it doesn't really affect their life at all. if your protag has a prosthesis, sure she's had to get fitted for it and train for it, and it might benefit you to do an afternoon of research into that if you want to see how it might holistically flesh out her worldview (look up osseointegration vs external sockets, if you want keywords to help, look for patient experiences instead of doctors).

but also, if her other leg has finished growing and she's got a prosthesis that works, she may not have thought about it literally for years, maybe decades depending on her age. i had braces as a teen and it has zero impact on my life, i've had foot and back problems in the past, and it's irrelevant to me now other than getting new off the shelf shoe inserts every few years. i can think of at least one (australian) celebrity with a pretty long and successful comedy career who most people don't even know was born without one foot, it's just not relevant.

sometimes people just have things going on in the background that don't matter, and sometimes characters should have something just going on in the background too, no matter what "save the cat" sort of writing advice tells you. sometimes cutting literally everything out of a story unless it serves the plot or themes is bad actually, and i guarantee you, even as a hand amputee, i would absolutely LOVE to see a leg amp character who is just having a life, doing other plot relevant things. especially much more than i want to see all the characters of people leaving tags saying some version of "thanks OP, now i can write the suffering and torment of my oc much more authentically". think of the hypothetical little girl born without a leg that just wants to see someone like her.

and finally. what i think is maybe at the core of your anxiousness, at least to my read of your ask. you've thought about your role as author and self reflected about why you want to write a character with a prosthetic leg, and you can't find an answer in you, and you're not sure if that means it's something bad. well, assuming good faith from you, i think that's fine too. people who fetishise prostheses or amputations, people obsessed with the suffering or (percieved) depenedncy, or whatever else it is that makes them yearn to write their hacky awful robot arm characters; they probably don't do the introspection, and if they did, they'd find their answer right away (horniness or power fantasy usually), although i doubt they'd be honest with themselves about it, let alone others. assuming good faith and honesty, if you can't find in yourself WHY you want to write this character with a prosthetic leg….. it's probably just a harmless aesthetic preference.

if you wanted it to do cool things or make her more powerful or more special than others or be endless inconvenience and suffering or make her the chosen one because of it or something, that'd set off alarm bells for me yeah, and i'd be reading into it as a much more harmful aesthetic choice, and responding much more aggressively. but if you want to write a story about other things that features a protagonist who just so happens to have a plausibly normal boring prosthetic leg…. that seems fine to me, honestly. i tend towards having characters with certain hair and eye colour combinations that i find aesthetically pleasing, and as long as i'm thinking about how that could come across and trying to avoid any pitfalls around fetishisation and nastier implications, i think it's probably fine.

there are really only three concrete pieces of advice i would give you:

one, when you've got a cohesive first/beta draft, try to find at least one sensitivity reader who's got as similar disability experience as possible to your character (lower limb, same kinda circumstances, same general use of prosthesis), and listen to their feedback.

two, while i totally acknowledge that leg protheses can be super useful everyday kit for many people, i still have a general aversion to "this character NEEDS a prosthesis or they're helpless" readings, and many people don't want to or can't use leg prostheses… if it were me doing it, i'd make acknowledgement of that, and in a visual medium like a comic, i think that's as simple as having a single panel showing your character waking up in bed without the prosthesis, and maybe at her home there are forearm crutches leaning against the wall as background decoration. maybe if you have any scenes where she's woken up in the middle of the night, or interrupted before being fully dressed for the day, you could show them in use. but that's a personal value suggestion from me, your judgement or sensitivity readers might disagree on the importance of that.

three, you will absolutely need to establish as early and overtly as possible that the prosthesis and amputation DOES NOT MATTER to the story or her character arc. people still very much have a default normative body in mind when engaging with fiction, and anything that deviates from that will 100% be interpreted as a checkov's gun that they will be anticipating and theorising about going off, unless you squash that down. if you want to make a statement about it not mattering, unfortunately i think you're going to have to spell that out as obviously as possible without breaking the fourth wall, or else the audience trained on existing robot limb tropes will be waiting for the traumatic tragic backstory or secret rocket booster to become relevant.

but also…. i'm just some bitch on the internet, talking like i'm more important than i am, getting loudly angry about limb difference when i'm a pretty recent and unusual addition to the group myself. so like, don't take anything i say as absolute, and while it's always good to listen to others, at the end of the day you still gotta synthesise all their thoughts into your own.

i don't really have a nice concluding statement other than to say, thankyou for appreciating my post, and most importantly, thankyou for caring about the craft of writing enough to critically analyse your own authorship, and being curious about how to improve on a sensitive topic.

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richardsphere · 1 year

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My conclusive overall review of RWBY Vol 9

Now that my feelings on the finale have had half a day to settle. I feel it is time to give my opinion on the season overall instead of just the finale on its own.

The new cast of characters is also somewhat wanting. While one-off characters Jinxy, Herb and the King fulfill their purposes perfectly well. some crucial characters important to the seasons overall narrative (Cat, Lewis, Alyx and Little) were with all either one-note (little), Hollow shells of plot serving to sell a future spin-off book(Lewis and Alyx). The cat was fine though, and fulfilled its purpose well. For the first half, Volume 9 suffers from a major disconnect as the plot relies on the characters familiarity with the fairytale. which makes it sort of unsatisfying to watch cause we have no idea how the fairytale even went. As a result we spend half the season wandering around, seemingly aimlessly, while neither characters nor audience have a clue what they are doing besides vaguely advertising an RT’s eventual spin-off book release. Sort of like the early Sherlock Holmes books, where the plot is moved by sherlock but we only have Wattsons’ knowledge of events to guide us through. Its a clueless mystery with no fulfillment to it. Then moving into the later-half of the season, Where the show attempts to handle difficult topics and, in true RWBY style doesnt always handle it well. While the eventual handliing of ruby’s self-acceptance issues is in the finale is good . The decision to have Jaune’s problems of self-worth be solved by “yes you werent the hero, but would you like to be one now?” leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It feels like its trying to say “Ruby, your impostor syndrome was a bad thing, you should learn to accept yourself for who you are. You’re actually fine as is dont worry about it you are good enough”. meanwhile to Jaune the tree’s messaging is: “yes you’re right, you do suck major ass. and while we dont have any tips on how to improve yourself as a personi can put you in the right time and place to be usefull for just this once because your woodshell happens to be above the cat RN.” and now for the origami-paperes elephant in the room. The race of little star-shaped Alexanders-the-Great, who commit mass ennui-motivated suicides because they ran out of acre to conquer and/or decorate, and are portrayed as right for taking the easy way out of their boredom. Now i’ve had someone respond to me on an earlier post about the stars, that they believed the stars were meant to be an allegory for people with terrible wasting diseases that leave them frail and in terminal misery, and the process of them making the difficult choice of euthenasia, as well as the difficult path of a family member to come to acceptance with that choice. Which is a heavy, nuanced and important topic that I do not want to make light of in the slightest. So please take no offense when i say that; While I could see the space in which people with those experiences could project themselves into Jaune’s struggle with Penny’s death. I cant actually see that as being the actual situation facing the paperstars themselves. Because the way the stars explain their problem to RWBY is verry much one of boredom and listlessness rather then any state of terminal misery of which only death could possibly grant relief. So the star-subplot either tried to tackle euthenasia and missed the mark by a mile due to framing issues (which is dangerous), or it just said “Remember suicide is an acceptable cure for boredom” which is actively evil. as messages go. Add onto that the fact that, in the long term their solution doesnt actually work, as they’ll redecorate the acre with gems instead of paper. Run out of acre to decorate again like they did the first time and have find a new way to kill themselves again and this subplot fails critically. And because the latter half of the plot is trying to tie 3-or more such heavy topics together in quick succession all together (Ruby’s attempted suicide, Jaune’s grief over Euthenising Penny, Ruby’s self-worth issues, Jaune’s sisiphean hell, Jaune’s self-worth over failing Alyx) the toxic messaging given by the stars subplot spreads across the adjacent plots like a malignant viral infection. Tainting all of them with a “pro-suicide” undertone that i can only hope was never RT’s intention. Top that all off with a the rather unsatisfying finale, focussed more on loredumping then tying together or resolving the seasons emotional beats and I can only say that, Despite its promise for the tone of the series going forward by presenting hope as an actual thing instead of a mere nebulous concept, This season was in my opinion nonetheless, the worst season of the series so far.

#rwby vol 9 #rwby #rwby spoiler tag #rwby spoilers #tw suicide #tw suicidal ideation #tw self harm #tw self worth #tw euthanasia #rwby critical

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scorchedhearth · 1 year

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directors commentary for shove your kiss straight through my chest??? 👀

thank u!!! i just talked about the follow-up fic to this one in the previous ask hehe.

ask for my director's commentary of a fic

i had the idea for this fic a long time before even starting to write it. in the early beginnings of the fandom when people were talking about the technicalities of their healing, i sort of came to the conclusion/headcanon that they have normal human healing but just accelerated/amped up to 100%, so cut skin heals very fast with no scars, and they regrow what’s missing like a lizard. but if there’s something stuck or blocking the healing then it can’t happen, say a big rock where the leg is supposed to grow back. so that’s the basis with which i read and watched those characters, and i wanted to properly explore that in a fic myself, write about my thoughts at length [talk about gore and inner body parts, as well as masochism]

picking the injury was a bit of trial and error, but i went with an arrowhead stuck in the shoulder because a/ a very intimate place, near the heart treated from the back so it implies trust and b/ it adds offense to the injury since quynh is an archer, allowing me to pick a bit at their mindset and feelings about it, especially how proud they are, and in this au from the main universe, how they both view the immortals as cut off from normal humanq and by extension more than them. i really like the exchange between them about his, how quynh walls up and feels humiliated by being struck and wounded by an arrow when she’s the best fighter and archer while andy tries to open to her and make her feel better, let her know they dont think less of her, again a reflection of their view on the world, quynh’s controlled chaos and andy’s acceptance of the unknown.

ngl, as someone with nearly zero anatomy and medicine knowledge, writing andy probing inside and feeling the flesh and coming up with believable lines about healing was very fun! this was one of the first times i properly dwelled into more graphic violence/body gore so it was bit of a learning curve, but im still very happy with the results! that’s how i realized i really, really enjoyed describing in detail blood and gore and what’s going on inside the body, it’s a topic i like writing now. it started as purely clinical descriptions but it quickly dived into something more poetic and eventually carnal. there are lines about how they're the only ones who got to hold each other's hearts and feel each other's lungs and that's something i really wanted in there, the poetry of total belonging, how they touched the flesh no one else got to (in a very literal sense! they gazed at each other while wrists deep in their guts!). their complete devotion being translated into these acts, that they’re the only ones who get to see this vulnerability as well as the most intimate places (inside their ribcages)

that’s how i eventually thought about the masochism aspect of this, that being hurt so much must mean wires get crossed eventually, and how if it’s andy cutting open her back it means quynh can enjoy the purely physical sensation, the same way a caress on skin elicit a nervous response, pain does the same for her now. another detail that i like about writing for tog is trying to describe things we have a more scientific/modern vocabulary for with an understanding and language millennials old, like how we know the process of hormones being released in the brain following specific acts like pain and injury, how do people without that scientific knowledge would describe it? it's very fun to play around with that

there's also the familiarity between them shown through this one act: andy knows exactly what’s happening and how to deal with it, they offer help before quynh asks, quynh has a knife ready to help get it out and wordlessly gives it, it’s something they’ve done dozens of them and will do many times again after this one scene. it's something they enjoy doing too, since they care about the other, and they're able to share a moment through a rough situation

#thank u for asking!!! <33 #asks #moriondors

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nightswithkookmin · 3 years

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chile i'm so glad i came across your blog, the amount of "i'm not going to assume they're dating" or "we can only draw certain conclusions but i can't say for sure" "we don't know their sexuality, BUT" type blogs i follow is getting kinda wack lmao. while i appreciate their perspective and nuanced takes i need to strike a balance. like let's get a lil delulu every once in a while. 💀

lol the im-not-a-shipper-but-call-jikook-boyfriends-every-other-post blogs are the funniest to me. the shipping hierarchy, so to speak is so weird. maybe just because im not a "shipping real people is bad" person i don't see the big deal. gonna get called delulu anyway, might as well go full out. they is gay/queer and they're fucking. i'm so sorry.

*also can we touch on the fact that shipping in this type of fandom (kpop) is kind of inevitable and unavoidable??! these boys are the other people we see them with day in and day out, interacting with each other and no one else. i feel like it's natural to ship when there's no other people around to break up everything, idk maybe someone can articulate this better than me. and people who are made to feel stupid for thinking that 2 members could actually be dating is so dumb. like is it really out of the realm of possibility that two people (jikook, cause all them other ships are....😬) who spent almost every waking minute together for like 8 years could fall in love. really?

/rant

It's the delulu hat for me

Lmho.

I guess for me being queer, I feel it's gaslighting for these people to be saying things like that. As silly as it is, it inadvertently deny and invalidate the existence and queerness of gay individuals and so I struggle with it.

This is the consequences of straight people in gay people business. They like defining gay parameters for us and it's like who asked you?? I feel people who say things like that are just plain ignorant or tone deaf or willfully homophobic.

I don't think everyone in BTS is gay but it makes me feel safe to see half the community assume them to be and celebrate them in that way. They are not cussing at them and threatening to leave the fandom or cancel them for this assumption and that is huge inspiration to me.

Those parts of the fandom are a safe space to be in as a queer army.

When people assume a person's queer sexuality they are simply admitting to themselves at the very least that LGBTQ EXISTS. This is important to me because I grew up in a community where LGBTQ didn't even exist in the collective consciousness of the people and EVERYONE IS AUTOMATICALLY ASSUMED TO BE STRAIGHT AND EXPECTED TO BE.

People read people's sexuality all the time and have done so since time immemorial and a lot of the time when they have had a sexuality read it's in the lines of straight, cis, rich, poor, superior or inferior. And that is a problem for some of us too because that discrepancy in the assumptions is as a result of homophobia and heteronormativity.

That whole don't assume a person's queer sexuality debacle sounds to me like a boujee way of denormalizing and preventing the normalization of queerness disguised under care, disguised under intelligence and disguised under wokeness. Especially when straightness is the default setting in this giant blue bulb.

We need to radicalize that. We need to change the cis straight default setting and if you are perpetuating this narrative you really aren't helping the situation. SIT DOWN.

I'm rarely assumed to be queer in certain circles and while that makes me feel comfortable within those circles it often times make it hard for me to admit my queerness openly in those circles too because I fear I will lose that comfort and respect and love and privileges that comes with being percieved straight in those spaces.

When I started my blog, I noticed some people assumed I was white and would use certain black descriptors as slurs when describing other people to me. I quickly had to switch the formal way in which I wrote to a much casual tone so my blackness would show through. Don't get it twisted. She black. She blackidy black black.

Then on the other hand, I was hesitant to let my queerness be known too because being black, I was marginalized as it is- you is black, or sound black💀 you know how it is- it's that intersectionality of oppression at play. Double double homicide.

When certain people realized I was black POC minority, their attitude towards me changed. I had those who didn't so much understand what black language is or perhaps wasn't used to being in black spaces and were uncomfortable with my blackness- these would take offense at me saying certain things in certain ways. Like chilee relax Karen, all I said was these motherfukkers gay as shit and they gay. Why you acting like I called them twinks or sommin. Right there, I'm cancelled for calling Jikook motherfuckers. They get sirens and everything😭😭😭😭😭😭

Same vein, I struggle destraightening myself or correcting people who assume I'm straight because I fear they will treat me differently if they knew I wasn't.

Straight privilege exists in the same way as white or even pretty privilege may exist and because these exist there's that automatic conception of queer, poc, ugly, fat disemfranschismet to run along side it.

People treat you differently based on how they perceive you. That's a fact. And for queer people, perceiving us as straight is the only way we get to be treated as human by the masses. And a lot of us embrace that- straight until proven gay am I right 🤣🤣🤣🤣

It's the duper's delight for me. Untill you catch me with a 5'8 melanin skinned silk pressed auntie on my left nipple good luck proving I'm gay.

It can be fun, I akekeke when some people around me are totally oblivious to the fact and even sometimes defend my straightness with their dying breath when nasty friends throw them shades or try to out me unprovoked.

A lot of us don't want to admit we are gay because we don't want to be disenfranchised.

I speak for myself when I say this.

But 'Don't assume someone's sexuality' is a double edged censorship used for and against queer people. It seemly offers protection on the surface of it for queer people but underneath it promotes heteronormativity and standardizes straightness and it is also used to promote closet culture, under the disguise of care and concern for the autonomy of queer people but that is a fallacy because our autonomy has never mattered to anyone since the dawn of homophobia.

And I don't know where this interpretation comes from. Why do people not want to assume queer people's sexuality but it's ok to assume straight people's???

It feels like a hijacked movement to me.

THIS IS THE ACCURATE MOVEMENT AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.

Don't assume all people are straight. It's ok to assume some people are queer because queer people exists too.

It is wrong however to assume queerness based on how a person talks, walks, dresses or even on their body type. That is stereotyping. And stereotyping is wrong.

When it comes to Jikook, Jimin is often stereotyped as gay more so than Jungkook because they have different body structures. Jungkook is stereotyped too solely because of the way his wrists hang, or based on moments he's femininity shines through.

But I don't think shippers stereotype Jikook in that way at all. I dont think shippers believe Jikook are dating eachother simply because Jungkook applied setting powder to his face that one time. They assume they are gay only because they believe those two to be dating eachother. That is not stereotyping. If those two were heterosexuals I don't think people will accuse their shippers of stereotyping.

It's one thing to assume Kai is gay because he looks skinny and dances well. It's another to assume he is gay because in a relationship with Gdragon. And if people can't tell the difference between the two, they should get some education and stop talking about things they know nothing about or only know because they stumbled across user69 on Twitter. They are not helping.

Untill people get offended when people assume others are straight, that rhetoric doesn't matter in its inequality. If you ask me, everyone is gay until proven straight.

Yet how many people will take offense at that?

Assuming people can be gay is not delulu.

It's ok to assume people can be gay. It's wrong to stereotype them as gay. If you can't assume they are gay, don't assume they are straight and don't assume at all. Run with this sis.

Wait, they don't ship Jikook but they call Jikook boyfriends???????👀👀👀👀👀

The fake woke syndrome will kill people in this fandom with these mentally confused thought crisis bunch💀💀💀💀

Jikook themselves are shippers💀

Smh

GOLDY

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spnshameblog · 2 years

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I'm interested to know what you stance on Misha is after all this. peope seem to be pretty divided about this. has your opinion of him changed?

ok, i think this is gonna be a bit wordy. ive been in this fandom on and off for about a decade. if you follow a show and its actors for that many years, you are going to see them act in ways you cant support. everyones boundaries are different and ive withdrawn my support for people over things that other might find laughable, so i would never say that he hasnt done anything so bad that people should "unstan" him. personally, i dont think he has done something so bad that i cant ever support him again. over the decade he has said and posted some really dumb and sometimes offensive shit and i cant give you an itemised list of all happenings, but iirc he almost always apologised and i dont remember him making the same mistake twice. so if he says he apologises and is learning, i want to believe him, i just have no idea what thats going to look like.

see, a lot of us arent upset about a "misfired joke", if anyone else had done that people would be like "haha embarassing, lets move on", but a lot of people genuinely assumed him to be queer even before he made that comment, which is proven by the thousands of comments going like "i thought he had been out this entire time". a huge amount of people drew the conclusion, based on his actions and his words, that he wasnt straight, even though he personally never said so. so the thing most people are upset about is that theyre now having to recontextualise years (in my case a decade) of stuff we consciously or subconsciously interpreted as evidence. YES you shouldnt assume someones identity, but its not like he dissuaded people from speculating. quite the opposite and that is another reason why people are upset.

they feel like misha has been deceiving them, using his ambiguity for attention and support from lgbt people and theyre not entirely wrong. a lot of stuff can, in hindsight, be explained by him noticing that his fans seem to really respond to him acting a certain why, so why not act that up a little. what i take issue with is the claim that most of his personality and his support for queer causes were to garner support from queer people. i dont know the guy and i cant make any definitive statements, but i believe he is really mostly like that lmao. he has talked about how people are surprised by how, for a lack of a better word, 'unmasculine' or emotionally open he is. if he was just 'acting up the gay' around fans, then why have his colleagues and friends also commented on this? and he definitely has had to experience homophobic microaggressions esp on the set of spn, which doesnt make sense if hes like, a normal macho dude when fans arent watching. again, yes, i totally believe he purposefully exaggerated some of it bc fans eat that shit up and if nothing else hes a people pleaser. and also sometimes straight guys just act a little gay, idk what to tell you.

so now theres the theory that it actually WAS an honest comment, but for some reason he decided he needed to go back into the closet. now, if someone states their own orientation THIS explicitly im bound to accept that, however i can see where this theory is coming from, given that there are some instances that simply cant be explained as jokes or him acting up the gay etc. at least from our perspective. so idk buddy, he might be, he might not be. however i dont agree with the sentiment that him going back in the closet is funny. like ive seen posts like "funniest outome would be him actually coming out in 5 years and nobody believes him" idc if im a little softie, but that idea isnt funny to me at all. IF he ever comes out, im fully prepared to believe him immediately, even if it makes me look like a clown again.

so i can empathise with people having all kinds of reactions to this from trying to make sense of it, to distancing themselves, from trying to forget about it, to dragging him for filth, imho all valid reactions. i dont agree with people saying that this situation is the fault of the fans, ive said multiple times that this specific situation and the fact that people were so ready to believe he's bi were misha's own doing. and i dont agree with people saying he is a master manipulator who has been tricking lgbt people out of their money for years by being a 24/7 gay for pay.

so tl;dr: idk lol? im waiting to see how his behaviour changes after these events, but aside from being really confused i cant say my opinion of him has changed that much?

#im so sorry anon you probably wanted 2-3 sentences and im writing a fucking essay #ask #anon #m

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notanotherinfjblog · 2 years

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hi! im tryingb to figure out if im an enfp,enfj, entp, intp, istp or istj. i know that this is a lot of different types, but my friend whos into typology like me thinks im an intp , but he doesnt know me in real life so its probably not very accurate. From enneagrams i think i might be 2,1,4,7 or 9. The thing im struggling about is that i use my Fe a lot when talking to strangers and people i dont know very well (do what the group wants, makes sure everyone is okay, very polite and i compliment everything on them) but with people who are close to me and ive known for a really long time, i think i use Ne more, like my Fe is non existent. I know that for me its Fe>Fi, Si>Se, Ni=Ne, Ti,>Te. Also i forgot to mention that i dont use my Ti with people im not comfortable around, like i have to know them really well to be comfy around them. I dont know what order are my fuctions in, so i cant determine my type. I feel like i have 2 different personalities like that one of them is entp/intp 137 and the other like enfj 296. Also, i explained tge enneagram to my sister and a friend to help me determine my type, and my friend typed me as a 2 but my sister said HAHAHAHAH YOU ARE NOTHING LIKE THAT NO WAY! Also i forgot to mention that im constantly debating things and discussing them and have an wxact plan for my future but i dont debate openly. Instead, i come up to my sister and go like YOU KNOW WHAT THE THING MY FRIEND DID WAS NOT OKAY! IT SHOULD BE LIKE BLA BLA BLA BLA ok so im gonna do this and that to fix it. but i dont do it in front of other people im not as close as so im not sure what part of my personality should i type

Hi! :)

Since I type people mostly by their behaviour patterns, this is not much to go on for me to type you, but I will try to point you into a direction that might be helpful to figure it out by yourself.

First off, I would concentrate on the cognitive functions first and stress about your enneagram later. Figuring out both at the same time will just confuse you in your search. One step after the other. Next, there is one thing that I want to point out and that is the one problem that a lot of us have when first typing ourselves: finding our dominant function. Seems kind of weird why that should be a problem, but the thing is, we are so used to using it that it's absolutely normal and the default operating system for us that we may even think that we identify more with our lower functions because they are weaker and demand more conscious effort from us. My favourite example for this is my ESTJ friend who thought she was an INFP because she is very emotional and not good at handling emotions, but overestimates her grasp of Fi. What she's very good at, however, is getting things done in the most efficient ways possible and loves to be productive both at work and in her spare time, but since she views that as the default, she's completely oblivious not only to the fact that she uses Te at all, but to how good she is at using it.

As you may have guessed, this is me poking you at your confidence in your Fe. Not every Fe user is the polite and charming gentleman that some sources might make you believe. Anyone can be polite and charming. Fi users certainly can be. They can also be terrified of conflict and do everything to prevent it. I certainly know a few of those FPs. Also, Fe users aren't always nice. In fact, a lot of Fe users love roasting each other for fun, just poking someone to get a reaction out of them, while FPs tend to find that very offensive and get angry or hurt. You describe yourself as having two personalities and wonder which one of them you should type. You see, everything you do and say, the reasons for everything you do and say, and your reasoning for thinking things and drawing conclusions are all what make you who you are. You cannot separate yourself or split yourself into two. The fact that you think you are splitting yourself into two is a part of who you are. However, it is completely normal to behave differently towards your friends and family than to complete strangers. That doesn't mean you have Fe. Let me ask you some questions here: do you feel like you make different kinds of jokes around different people? Jokes that you tell person A, but would never tell to person B or C and vice versa? Do you use your face as a communication device to deliberately let people know what you think/feel or to emphasise a joke etc.? Do you feel what other people feel without them having to tell you or even look at you? How difficult is it for you to be nice to someone you don't like? I always like to describe strong Fe as being so in tune with the people around you that you kind of forget that you exist and have thoughts and feelings of your own because those are all gone because you are too focused on other people to notice. To use an analogy here: you are a sponge that soaks up other people's feelings which fill you up and you forget that you are the sponge. Is this something you could call your default of operating? If not, your are not an ENFJ.

You mention that you like debating internally, but not openly, and that you do have strong convictions on what is right and what is wrong behaviour and how things should be done. How strongly do you hold onto your convictions? Could you debate both pro and contra in an argument without taking sides just for the sake of arguing? Or do you want to represent yourself and your own beliefs in everything? Thus, do you think you use Ti or Fi?

I'm not going to go into arguing for or against ISTJ or ISTP because I see too much Ne in your writing style to even presume those types for you. You jump from one point to the next, want to figure out everything at once, can't decide on a single thing and question everything that you think and that everyone around you thinks and then you jump back to the point you started off from. It's actually very common for NPs to question their type again and again and again and again. Now, I can't tell you which type you really are. That's something you have to figure out for yourself. But I advise you to just observe yourself with no pressure. Ask yourself why you said something, why you wanted to do something, how you came to a conclusion, how your mind works. For instance, does your mind feel like a fun fair with so many attractions everywhere that you don't know where to look first, but you want to jump on every ride (Ne)? Or does your mind actually feel quite empty as if everything inside was subdued and calm and you don't really have much access to anything until some thought hits you in its entirety (Ni)? As an NJ myself, I certainly feel like I'm not thinking at all most of the time. There is one very quick question that can tell you whether you have high Ni or Ne: how do you feel about brainstorming? Because 99% of NJs will tell you how deeply they despise it and never want to be forced to engage in it ever again, while particularly the NPs thrive in it.

Anyway, I hope I could be of assistance and if you have any further questions, feel free to write to me again and in the meantime, I wish you good luck on your self-discovery and all the best! :)

#i'm not much help for enneagram but you will get there in time too #also i am writing how to spot guides for every type but it may be difficult to judge yourself from this outside perspective #intp and enfj are already there and i am planning on writing entp or enfp next hopefully some time soon #so you might want to check them out maybe they help i don't know i hope so

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beeluvsbunni · 4 years

Text

this shit long

tw: drugging, kidnapping, manupilation, i think age regression? i dont know if i wrote this well enough for it to be considered age regression, im so sorry if this would be considered offensive <33

inspo: none lmao my brain is just big

imagine wilbur gets tired of tommy trying to stop him from jd'ing everyone so he tries to drug tommy so he just sleeps through everything and tommy is terrified. tommy is running through a forest and runs into techno. he collaspes into technos arms and begins to sob into his chest about how wilburs trying to drug him and how scared he is of him.

techno begins to run his hand through tommys hair and comforts him softly, rubbing his back slowly and whispering to him. wilbur calls out for tommy and tommy tells techno that they need to run away somewhere. techno sighs and just grips tommy tighter, and yells for wilbur, telling him where they are. tommy panics and begins to scream and kick and cries harder, and techno lightly kisses his forehead while wilbur sticks a needle in his neck and injects the drugs.

tommy stomps on technos foot (not that harshly cause drugs) and tries to run. he goes as fast as possible (about a third of how fast he was running before cause drugs) and eventually collaspes against a tree. wilbur hums while picking him up and techno just watches. tommy just gives up and sobs into wilburs shoulder while wilbur slowly rubs him back to comfort him. they make it back to the ravine and wilbur lazily ties tommys wrists together and he and techno stay with tommy as he eventually passes out. dream shows up just as tommy is about to fall asleep and all tommy can hear dream say is 'goodnight kid. you guys ready to go?'

bonus points if schlatt finds him and takes care of him during his coma

okay have some more things that happen cause i like details.

as wilbur picks up tommy and he gives up and goes limp while sobbing, dream starts following them but tbh that doesnt need to be included.

wilbur ties tommys hands behind his back.

as tommy begins to pass out, techno and wilbur both coo at the sight of his eyes drooping and him getting tired.

you can add this or not tbh i just like platonic cuddles, wilbur lays down with tommy as he passes out and plays with his hair.

as tommy loses consciousness, he forgets what just happened and tells 'wil' and 'techie' that he loves them (OW HURT MYSELF THERE)

while caring for tommy, schlatt lets tubbo visit him a bunch. he normally walks in on tubbo cuddling with tommy, making him flowers crowns, or just talking to tommy about his day.

tubbo still believes that tommy can hear him. tommy can. which means he hears niki and fundy make up, eret and dream casually talk shit about eachother, sapnap and george fighting *all the time*, phil coming to visit him and crying everytime, and wilbur and techno apologizing. and schlatt and dream and literally everyone else of the server beating up wil and tech.

OW I HURTED MYSELF WITH THAT

more :DD

techno and wilbur call tommy 'bubba' as they talk to him (I LOVE PEOPLE CALLING OTHER PEOPLE BUBBA OKAY SHDJVSHSJVSK) while he passes out. also whlle hes in a coma.

tommy hates to admit it but he still trusts wilbur, dream, and techno with his life

phil beats the fuck outta techno, wilbur, and dream

imagine that in a different ending tommy wakes up to techno and wilbur laying on either side of him, hugging him while they talk boredly. theyre covered in soot (haha wil) and ash but look happy. tommy asks what they did as he tries to sit up and gasps as he realizes that he cant and his hands are tied behind his back. he tries to squirm but gives up as techno and wilbur laugh at him. he doesnt really remember what happened and his speech is slurred so techno and wilbur come to the conclusion that tommy is still drugged up a bit. they tell him to go back to sleep and he listens.

after he wakes up again, his arms are untied and wilbur is gone but techno is still laying behind him. he asks what happened, again, and this time techno answers him, telling him about wilbur drugging him, how they did it to protect him, and how they blew up manberg. tommy goes into shock and starts crying, and manages to ask about tubbo.

techno tells tommy that he's lucky that wilbur has a shred of his sanity left, because the three of them, techno, wilbur, and dream, decided to spare tubbo, eret, niki, and anyone who didnt die from the explosion. luckily, schlatt was the closest to the bigger blast, so he was the only one that died. but george, sapnap, and quackity are all dying from their injuries and might not make it. but they probably will.

tommy breaks down and begins sobbing, causing wilbur to walk in. he looks to techno, who was panicking and helping tommy sit up, and then sighs faintly. wilbur walks over and hugs his baby brother and does his best to comfort him. tommy tries to squirm away but he just woke up, theres still a little bit of drugs in his system, and wilbur can easily overpower him.

m o r e

okay so for the second ending i 'wrote', imagine if techno and wilbur run away and take tommy with them and baby him the whole time. even with their mental health issues they try their best to take care of him, even if that means sleeping in the same bed as him so he cant leave in the night, or if it means having to keep secrets from him, or if it means having to have at least one of them watching him at all times, theyre still doing it to 'protect him' and in their head, its working.

once, tommy cut his arm because a zombie had a sword. immediately, techno, who was watching him, went feral and murdered the zombie by bashing its head in. tommy had a chance to run, but he didn't take it. he felt frozen in place. wilbur had heard the commotion and immediately ran towards them and found techno beating down an already dead zombie and tommy watching in horror.

he starts to baby tommy, per usual, and turns his head away from it and hugs him tightly, quickly gushing over tommy and panicking over his sliced arm. tommy lets him, he learned quickly to just let them baby him.

after the three get back to the little hut they made, shock wears off and tommy begins to cry because it hurts?? and techno and wilbur panic and wilbur shushes him and starts to cuddle him while techno stiches up his arm. they both lay next to him as he falls asleep and for the first time since they left he feels genuinely comforted.

THATS RLLY BITTERSWEET

somedays, while techno, wilbur, and tommy sit at the dinner table and eat potatoes, tommy plays with his food and contemplates grabbing a steak knife and running. other days, he looks to the boarded up windows that he could easily break through and decides to walk into the living room and cuddle with his older brothers.

he begins to completely depend on techno and wilbur, with the way they baby him. his personailty changes. he whines when he doesnt get what he wants instead of nodding his head like he became used to in the wars. he cant fall asleep without wilbur or techno near him/cuddling with him. he forgets how to make food for himself. he forgets how to wrap wounds.

hes used to not being allowed to get himself a cup for water because 'the cupboard is to high up'. hes used to boarded up windows, with alarms on ever door, with a tracker via a braclet sitting on his wrist because 'we want to keep you safe'. he's used to the cameras in almost every room besides his and the bathrooms, that was the only thing he didnt allow and will never allow because 'we need to know where you are, what if you get taken from us?'. he's used to being coddled and kissed when he gets hurt because 'youre to young to understand why we do this'.

when schlatt finds them and everyone comes and takes away his brothers, his family, his caretakers, he panics. he screams and cries and begs for them to not take them away. he's surprised to see schlatt alive because his brothers told him that he was dead, so he thinks hes hallucinating. he kicks and squirms when he needs to be sedated for them to be able to leave, causing a panic attack at the memories that come flooding back to that fateful night that brought them here.

when phil comes to the smp, he does his best to care for his youngest son. he truely does, but its difficult, especially due to tommys now much more prominent mental health issues.

and now you write the ending

btw my friend fear is writing this as a whumptober prompt <3

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buckyskorpion · 4 years

Text

11 hours - part two

Pairing: Biker!Bucky x Reader

Summary: bucky is the mystery you can’t wait to solve. if you can get out of his bed long enough, that is. a biker au.

Warnings: gang-typical violence, sex scenes, alcohol mentions, probably more to come so stay tuned

A/N: thank you guys so much for the incredible response i got to part one!! it made me so happy so thank you. let me know wha yall think of this bit, we’ve got some plot going on which i always enjoy. i wont be taking tags for this so please dont ask.

title taken from 11 hours by wet | playlist

part one

You don’t hear from Bucky for a while after the party. It’s disappointing - you’re self-aware enough to admit that. But you also aren’t stupid enough to expect anything else. Bucky asked you to that party as a favour, you got a one-night-only special being in his life and you’re not expecting anything else.

You had hoped it wouldn’t have impacted your nightly rendezvous, but those had stopped too. You suppose Bucky decided not to trust you after all.

Almost three weeks later and you’re at work, thoughts of Bucky barely a buzz in the back of your head compared to the job at hand. You’ve always been able to let your work consume you, and it pays off in your line of business. Being a private investigator requires attention to detail, lateral thinking, and a questionable moral compass. Your patented paranoia doesn’t hurt either. Your dad tells you every time you visit that he wishes you’d get into something more stable, something less dirty, but you’re not really good at anything else. Considering the majority of your clients are partners trying to figure out if their significant other is cheating, it also pays well for quite minimal effort.

Quick rule of thumb for aspiring PI’s: they’re almost always cheating.

Today is one of those clients. You’ve tailed the guy in question to a tattoo shop in Red Hook, which is already a red flag. He’s an investment banker and buys Louis Vuitton cufflinks for his ugly work suits. He stands out like a sore thumb in this grungy neighbourhood. You snap a few photos of him outside the store, very obviously checking left and right for a tail before entering the place. People suck at being subtle, you’ve come to realise over the years. And at being observant, because all you’ve bothered to do to hide is sit at the cafe across the road and pretend to be taking photos of the latte art on your coffee.

Entering the tattoo parlour is a no-go, even if your grunge aesthetic would fit in with the clientele more than your straight-laced prey. There are other ways, though. You leave some bills on the table and cross the street into the alley beside the tattoo shop, wrinkling your nose at the dumpster smell. There’s a fire escape which you can reach if you stand on the lid of the offensive dumpster in question, leading to a window you hope will get you some insight into what Mike Shorditch of suspected-cheating fame is up to. Maybe he has a tattooed, lip-ringed young girlfriend he meets here? Or a heavy-set biker boyfriend? Or he just wants a tattoo and his wife is as paranoid as you are.

Squeezed uncomfortably between the bars of the fire-escape, you manage to aim your camera lens at the window and zoom in - jackpot. It’s a small window near the ceiling of the high-roofed shop, letting in minimal light to ruin the dark aesthetic of the place, allowing you a somewhat clear view of the shop inside. It’s really nice, you notice, and they have good taste in music. Slowly Slowly bleeds minimally through the glass and you try focus your lens on the faces inside, catching Mike among them like a unicorn in a goth reunion. He’s talking to someone, waving his hands around dramatically while the guy he talks to towers over him, arms folded over a ginormous chest.

You know that face, you realise as you aim your lens a little higher. The shock burns, almost makes you drop your camera and fall off the fire escape you’re precariously lying on. It’s Steve, blonde head unmistakeable as he glares at your target and dismisses whatever Mike says to him with an eyeroll. Without questioning it, you snap a few photos of Steve’s imposing figure - so at odds with the friendly, downright cuddly man you met at the party a few weeks ago. Just when you thought you’d gotten rid of thoughts about that night, they show up at your work. How is this possible?

None of this sits right with you. This strange coincidence, the weird behaviour at the party towards Bucky and his friends, Bucky’s general evasiveness and the feeling you get of being watched just being around him. Nothing is adding up and you’ve never been the kind of person to leave well enough alone. You snap photos of the shop, as much as you can - Steve’s tattoo sleeve that had been hidden under a jumper at the party, the stencils lining the walls, the locks on the front door, the counter where a scrawny kid in glasses bends over what looks like genuine high-school homework and ignores the adults in the shop. There are too many variables - you have to start making sense of one of them.

The easiest thread to pull is Mike, and he’s the one you’re being paid to solve, so it makes sense to start there. Clearly it isn’t cheating his wife should be worried about, but the meeting he’s having with Steve and the others doesn’t look like a friendly catch up with friends either. His personal cybersecurity is poor enough you figure you’ll be able to solve that particular mystery easy enough.

Bucky and his friends, however? That’s going to take a bit more digging.

***

According to Mike Shoreditch’s bank records, he owes somebody a lot of money. You get this from an account his wife doesn’t even know he has, believing all their money goes into a shared account with a completely different bank. Mike has a lot of secrets but cheating isn’t one of them - the print outs of his secret bank account statements and the pictures of him at Steve’s tattoo parlour would be enough for you to close the case and get your money. But you don’t. Not just yet. You have your own itch to scratch, now.

You’ve taken to watching the tattoo shop’s comings and goings, snapping pictures here and there. Steve comes in at ten in the morning, ready to open the shop up by lunchtime for customers and doesn’t close it until midnight. His customers are the usual sort you’d imagine at a rough tattoo shop in Red Hook - heavy set guys with full sleeves and chest pieces, grungy couples who probably live upstate but are rebelling against their trust-fund parents, random walk-ins who’s nerves you can sense from across the street at what’s become your usual table. There are a few, though, who stand out. Leather jackets and motorbikes they park in the alley beside the shop, using the back entrance you snap a shot of one night once they all went home.

You’re not jumping to conclusions just yet, you’ve learnt the hard way from doing that, but you’re also not stupid. Whatever Steve is into, whatever Bucky is by association a part of, there are some shady looking people involved as well.

It’s one of those days where you’re watching the shop from the cafe, camera left on the table in favour of devouring an almond croissant and cataloguing the people you’ve now dubbed regulars at Steve’s as they enter the shop. You should probably be doing your actual job but you can’t bring yourself to, too caught up in the shady business across the street from you. Absorbed, in fact, so you practically jump out of your skin as your phone rings and you send it flying to the pavement with an errant elbow.

You pick up without checking the ID, and boy was that a mistake. Heart pounding painfully in your chest, you answer, “Hi, hello, hi, this is (Y/n) speaking,” all in a rush.

A familiar, honey-warm laugh rumbles down the phone to you and your previously racing heart all but stops beating. Bucky says, “Did I catch you at a bad time?”

Does he know? Had Steve caught you spying and called Bucky asking why the random girl he brought to a party that one time was stalking him? You glance around the street, half expecting Bucky to be standing behind you and catching you red-handed. He’s not, of course he’s not, you’re just losing your mind a little bit.

“No, no, sorry,” you say, running a shaky hand through your hair. “I’m at work. What’s up?”

“I won’t keep you long,” Bucky says, sounding amused, and you hate how the rough catch of his voice through the phone all but erases the suspicions you have for him, warning you to stay away. You had missed him, is all. He says, as if plucking the thought from your brain, “I was missing you.”

“Yeah?” you ask, glad he can’t see the grin you send to the table. “That why you disappeared after the party?”

“Let me explain over drinks?” Bucky asks, dodging your jab with ease. No, no, no, don’t be stupid, he’s bad news and you’ve got the proof, don’t-

“You’re paying,” you say instead, silencing the smart side of your brain.

“Always do,” he says, which is blatantly not true but whatever, “Nine at Joey’s?”

“See you there,” you say, and hang up before you can do anything else stupid.

You bury your hands in your hair, leaning your elbows on the table and letting out a frustrated sound probably inappropriate for a public place. How are you going to go meet Bucky and pretend you aren’t, essentially, investigating his best friend? Maybe you don’t. Maybe you use this to get more answers, full-stop some of the question marks that have been playing havoc with your head all week.

And sex. You’re not going to pretend you won’t be ending up in Bucky’s bed again, shady secrets be damned.

***

Joey’s is a divey, underground bar you absolutely adore, and you’ve met Bucky here multiple times. He introduced you to the place, actually, a week or so into meeting up him. He’d laughed at how excited you were over the movie posters they used as decor behind the booths, the bartender who squeezed fresh apple juice into your shot of Jameson, the dirty bass-heavy music you eventually convinced him to dance with you to. Bucky is clearly trying to win you over by meeting you here, and you can’t say it’s not working. Just a little bit. You’ll still make him work for it.

Bucky’s got a booth at the back when you arrive, two whiskey apple’s already waiting on the table as he stands up to greet you. He pulls you into a hug, not letting you set the tone at all, but you can’t find it in you to mind as you’re crushed into his chest and he rests his stubbly chin atop your head. He smells nice, reminding you of spiced rum or something else warm and comforting, and his hands feel real nice as they dip under your top to press against your bare skin. Had you really missed him this much? You squeeze him tightly, ignoring the thump of your heart as he starts rubbing circles into your back, and you stand there in his arms for far too long to be appropriate.

Pulling away, though, feels like you’ve lost something.

Across the booth from you, now, Bucky slides a drink towards you with his usual cheeky grin. You roll your eyes at him, popping the straw in your mouth and looking out at the bar so you can pretend not to pay attention to him. He bumps your foot under the table but you ignore him, hiding your smirk in the rim of your glass.

“Doll,” he says, exasperated, and reaches across the booth to place his giant hand on the arm you have resting on the table. You look at him then, scrunching your nose up at the pet name which makes him smile. His eyes crinkle up at the sides, all soft and blurry blue, and you feel yourself forgetting why you’re supposed to be mad at him in the first place.

“What,” you say, mimicking his tone just to watch his jaw clench. His frustration is hot, what of it? You love winding him up like this.

“Brat,” he retorts, and oh, that makes you feel something you probably shouldn’t, all low and coiled hot in your belly. “Did you think I was avoiding you?”

“You were avoiding me,” you correct, raising your eyebrows at him. He hasn’t let go of your arm, now taking to rubbing his thumb back and forth across the leather of your jacket. You refuse to let it melt you.

“I was away,” he says, eyes sparkling. He’s practically laughing at you, which is- rude. You huff, barely believing him, and he says, “I was! Did you want me to tell you I was going or something?”

“No,” you say, rolling your eyes at him. You sigh - he’s right, what did you expect? Nothing, and yet you were put out anyway, but that’s a problem you’ve got to deal with on your own. Bucky doesn’t owe you anything and he knows it. You relax, finally, putting your drink down to cover Bucky’s hand with your own. You smile, say, “I’m just messing with you, Bucky.”

“Sure you are,” he says easily, but you know he doesn’t believe you. It’s dropped, then, forgotten as you sit there staring at each other in the dim light of the bar. You really had missed him, even if you still barely knew him. His stubbly jaw, the close-cropped sides of the new haircut he’d gotten since you’d last seen him, the glint of his dog togs against tanned skin disappearing under his t-shirt. The swirl of his chest piece peeking out from the neckline, and you can fill in the blanks because you’ve seen what’s under that t-shirt. You’ve traced your tongue over it, as well as every other inch of him you’re trying to memorise in case another month passed before you saw him again. If you ever saw him at all.

“What?” you ask when you realise he’s starting to smile at you, holding back a laugh. He shakes his head, looking down to pick up his drink and take a sip. You lean back, retracting yourself from his grip and folding your arms across your chest - he’s making fun of you, you know it, but you don’t know why. He does laugh then, also leaning back in his seat and regarding you with that head tilt that infuriates you.

“Nothing,” he laughs, eyes saying the opposite. “It’s just- it’s nice to see you.”

“You going soft on me, tough guy?” you tease, but he sobers at your words, the smile dying on his pillow-plump lips. He stares you down, that deep thing that reminds you how easy it is to get lost in him (if you aren’t already).

“Maybe I am,” he says, and that surprises you. You had been joking, but the heady way he’s looking at you turns it serious. “Would that bother you?”

You shake your head, not trusting yourself to say the right thing. You don’t even know if that’s a good response or not, but you’ve done it now and Bucky nods, downs his drink, all without ever breaking eye contact with you. You get the distinct feeling you’ve just agreed to something you don’t entirely understand, entangling yourself further into Bucky without even trying to. Given what you’d been uncovering about his friends the past week, you should know better. You should leave.

But you don’t. You lean across the booth, coming to him this time, and peel his hand off his glass to entwine your fingers with his. The cool metal of his signet rings offsets the warmth of his palm against yours, and the way he grips your fingers tightly signs the deal. Bucky is too enticing to stay away from, and you are too tired of trying to.

“Tell me something I don’t know about you,” you ask, but it’s not really a question. You watch his eyes dart across your face, tongue flicking out over his lips, stalling for time. You wonder what he’ll say. My friends run dodgy business deals out of a tattoo parlour? I’m involved in that, too? I’m dangerous, I’m a liar, you should stay away?

“I’m a mechanic,” he says. You try not to show your disappointment, but still, this is information you didn’t have before and you’re greedy for anything. “I have my own shop in Queens. Natasha helps me out, helps me run it. I’ve been obsessed with cars and bikes and shit since I was five.”

You smile at that, imaging little Bucky running around a car yard trying to convince his dad, or whoever, to teach him how to drive even if he couldn’t reach the pedals yet. You imagine him now, the hand you’re holding all greased up and elbow deep in a car’s guts, maybe with his shirt off and sweat dripping down his back. You’ve got to see that one day before you die, you decide right then. That’s too hot to just stay in your brain.

“Your turn,” he says, shit-eating smirk in place like he can read your mind. You blush, despite yourself, and scramble for something to say that’s not I’ve been investigating your friends all week and it’s not looking too good for them.

“My dad,” you blurt out, and Bucky give you a funny look like he thinks that’s your fact - you have a dad, isn’t that something. You curse yourself for starting this, you could’ve gone with anything and you said ‘my dad’? But you’re here now, so, “He raised me on his own, like, I don’t know my mum at all, but he always said he wanted me to have something of her so he taught me Russian. She taught him, apparently, and he taught her English. Now it’s like our secret language.”

“Russian, hey?” Bucky asks, and he seems far too surprised for the anecdote you’ve just given but you suppose it is the first actually personal thing you’ve told him. He doesn’t seem off-put by it, though, like you have expected him to be because you don’t do personal. In fact he just leans closer, almost unconsciously, baiting you to tell him more.

“Yeah,” you say, compelled to keep going. “We’d leave each other notes around the house in ‘code’, y’know, but it was just in Cyrillic. Thought it was so cool.”

“It is cool,” Bucky says, smirking at you again, “You’re cool.”

“Fuck you,” you laugh, kicking his ankle under the table but immeasurably grateful for the tone change. You don’t know why you’ve just told him that. You don’t know if you’ve ever told anyone that - Russian isn’t exactly a handy language to know. You feel drunker than you should be after a tiny bit of whiskey, high on the rush of unleashing a secret. Drunk enough that Bucky unlatching his fingers from yours to grip your wrist tight, a bit bruising, tugging you close, makes you flush from your scalp to your toes.

Bucky looks at you, dark and heavy, and asks, “Want to?”

You nod, throat suddenly very dry, and Bucky tugs you out of the booth without another word. Usually you wait a bit longer before getting on Bucky’s bike, have a few more drinks, maybe dance a bit if you can coax Bucky into it. Not tonight. You’re both on the same page - it’s been too long and you need his mouth on you about five days ago.

He pushes you into the apartment by the shoulders, rough enough you stumble but you’re quickly righted as he strides through the door after you and grabs you by the hips. Bucky crushes his mouth to yours, swallowing your needy whine with soft lips and velvet tongue as you fist his t-shirt and drag you both backwards, going and going until your back hits a wall. His palm slams into the drywall by your head but you don’t flinch, only groan as he smudges his spit-slick mouth across your jaw and down your neck. Bucky bites down, sharp teeth on soft skin, and you rake your nails down his stomach as payback for the mark you’ll have later.

“Off,” Bucky grumbles as he shoves at your jacket, getting it stuck at your elbows and trapping your arms by your sides. He seems to like like this, eyes flashing something dangerous in the dark of his hallway. You hold his eyes, heart thrumming something wild in your throat at being caught, pinned, vulnerable. With Bucky, though, you like that.

You want to reach for him but you can’t, so you wait for him to come to you. Kissing you breathless, hand fisted in your hair, other undoing the front of your jeans. God, you wanna touch him so bad but Bucky has you in his grip, yanking your head back to kiss that same bruised spot. He sucks another under your chin as you cry out, pinpricks of pain-turned-pleasure bursting at the base of your scalp.

He gets his hand in your jeans, in your panties, runs two fingers down your cunt so easy with how wet you are already before rubbing bruising, slow circles on your clit. Your whole body jerks against Bucky’s hold on you, his thighs bracketing your body into the wall and his hand still fisted in your hair. Your mouth drops open in a soundless moan and you feel, rather than hear Bucky laugh against your throat. All executive function has diverted to the radiating ache of pure pleasure from Bucky’s fingers on you.

Bucky lets go of you hair only to press his hand on your throat, cold rings digging into your burnt-up skin and pressing you back into the wall. Long fingers tilt your jaw to look at him, increased pressure warning you against looking away, but you don’t want to anyway. Bucky’s eyes are dark like a sea storm, molten blue, and he squeezes his grip just once before saying, “Still think I’ve gone soft?”

Jesus christ, but you can’t answer him like this - not with your pulse thundering against his palm and the way he picks up the pace on your clit, making your thighs shake with the effort of holding yourself up. Bucky grins, boyish and crinkly, and it’s so at odds with the way he slides his two fingers down and pushes into you, twisting to the knuckle, that you think you might be losing your mind. Unravelling, Bucky pulling at the threads, and the only thing holding you together is his hand on your throat.

“Bucky,” you say, his name a broken breath as you start to lose focus. Everything’s hazy, glassy, your toes are going numb and tingly so you know it’s coming, building tight in your stomach as he rubs his fingers back and forth inside of you. At his name Bucky makes a sound almost like a growl, pressing his body against yours and somehow further into the wall. You need that contact, the press of his muscles holding you up as it gets harder and harder to breath with the heat coiling up inside of you. He presses his forehead against yours so all you can see is blue edged out by black, claiming your every breath and moan, drawing you in deeper and deeper because you’re his, now. There’s no way back from this.

He presses his thumb to your clit, thrusts his fingers deeper into you, mouth parting with yours as you moan as if he means to swallow the sound. You’re there, you’re right there, and then he kisses you so soft you might’ve imagined it and you’re coming, your whole body clenching up and whiting out while he finger fucks you through it.

Trembling muscles come to leant against the wall, barely holding yourself up as Bucky extricates himself and allows you room to breath. He gently tugs your jacket all the way off, freeing your arms to come up sluggish and heavy around his neck, holding on. He laughs, just quietly, letting you nuzzle your way into the side of his neck and breath in that warm honey Bucky smell as you try and regain mental functions. It’s hard. You think Bucky’s just blended up your brain with a swizzle stuck and sucked it out through a straw.

“C’mon,” he says, gravel rough, and nudges his nose against the side of your head. “Not done with you yet.”

“Hmph,” you say, but let yourself be picked up under the ass and wrap your legs around his waist as he carries you to his bedroom. You press a kiss to the skin of his neck you can reach with every second your body comes back online, digging your teeth in a little when he squeezes your ass as he walks. You’re both still fully clothes, basically, but you don’t plan to be for long. You’ve got tattoos to kiss and a dick you want anyway Bucky’ll let you. You’ve got all night, after all.

***

It’s late, you should be going, but you steal a few more minutes lying on Bucky’s chest. He’s sat up against the headboard, trying to braid little pieces of your hair with the cutest look of concentration on his face. The way he goes from dirty to dork always makes your heart do complicated things in your chest. You’re drumming your fingers on his chest, right next to his dog tags, and before you can overthink it too much you pause your drum solo to pick them up.

Bucky doesn’t pause in his hair-braiding but you can feel him watching you as you turn the worn metal over in your fingers. They’re well loved, a bit bent in places and the letters starting to rub flat but you can still read it. His birthday, March 10th, and his name. You’d never thought to read these before - they always seemed part of Bucky’s past, something you weren’t allowed into yet. But tonight has made you bold, and you run your thumb over the letters of his name so you can memorise the feel of them.

“James Buchanan Barnes,” you mumble, words half said into his skin. Bucky hums but doesn’t respond, so you say, “I always knew no mother could look at their newborn child and call it Bucky.”

“Watch it,” Bucky warns, but without any real heat. You don’t ask what the tags mean, which war he fought in, when he got back. You lay them back on his skin carefully, straightening out the chain, before turning in Bucky’s arms to prop your chin on his chest piece and look at him.

“I should go,” you say, as you continue to lie there with legs tangled and Bucky’s hand now resting idle, cupping the back of your head. He bites his lip, strokes his big hand down the back of your hair and making you close your eyes for a second. You’re enjoying his touch too much, you’re getting too close for a man you don’t know. A man who you know has secrets you probably don’t want to uncover, but you can’t stop yourself.

“You could stay.” Bucky’s words hang there, suspended in the space between you. He’s never said that before. You never thought he would say that, ever. Bucky looks at you, face unreadable, and you don’t know why you feel sick to your stomach all of a sudden but you do. There are lines being crossed that you can’t backtrack from. You’re not ready to make that step yet.

“Not tonight,” you say, and it’s not a no but it’s not what Bucky wants to hear. He withdraws his hand from you, letting it drop uselessly to the bed beside him. You take that as your cue to go, rolling off the bed and dressing silently with Bucky’s eyes burning a hole in your skin.

You’re pulling away, trying desperately to regain some distance and control from his man who already has you swallowed whole, he just doesn’t know it yet. Even still, you can’t stop yourself crawling back on the bed and straddling his lap, holding his face in your hands as you kiss him. You want him to remember this - not you saying no, but the way your body will always say yes to him as he holds your hips and keeps you there, kissing you back as desperate as you feel.

But now you know you have reason to climb through the laundry room window that night and sneak away from Bucky’s apartment building, that you’re not just being paranoid because you’ve got photos to prove it. It’s that thought alone that makes it bearable to leave him, even if your heart is begging you to stay.

Part 3

#bucky barnes fic #bucky x reader imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x reader fic #bucky x reader fic #bucky fic #reader insert fic #pov fic #biker!bucky #biker au #biker!bucky au #avengers fic #marvel fic #bucky barnes #natasha romanoff #steve rogers #11 hours

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im-the-punk-who · 4 years

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I'm new to the fandom, but haven't gotten the chance to watch the show yet. Bit weird I know. I've been spoilered for bits and pieces and read some fanfic. Why is so much of the fandom silverflint when flinthamilton is there and so beautiful? I don't want to watch the show and become confused between the ships (lol). Thoughts?

OH BABE. WATCH THE SHOW - JOIN ME IN MY HELL HOLE.

Since you said you've been spoiled a bit, this does contain some spoilers for the show. Nothing major, but I dont think theres a way to talk about this otherwise. ❤

OKAY. I'm gonna say this as politically as possible, lmao, since there is...a healthy dose of animosity between people who ship silverflint and people who don't - mainly because the interpretations of John Silver's character are so varied.

For the record, enemies to lovers is my least favorite shipping trope, and silverflint is probably the biggest notp I've ever had. Edit: And Flinthamilton hits my absolutely favorite shipping trope, which is friends to lovers. We state our personal biases out front like REAL scientists of literature, lmao. That said I have a bunch of mutuals who ship it and I try my darndest to uhhhh at least support them in that to the extent I'm able.

So, imo, the biggest reason silverflint is so popular is that they're the two characters with the most screentime together. Silver and Flint are on screen together in some capacity in just about every episode from the first to the last, and their plotlines and character developments are deeply intertwined. No matter what their actual relationship was, no matter if they were canon or if there were any actual romantic feelings between them, they were bound to be a big ship, especially since one of them is canonically attracted to men. Conversely, Thomas only has about 40 minutes of screentime in the entire series and it is all in flashback from before the series begins. Now of course he also has a lot of what I'll call 'off-screen callbacks' - James' entire character arc depends on his love and belief in Thomas' ideals - but he and James only interact for a very brief period of time and we really dont get a whole lot about Thomas himself.

There are reasons people ship both, and reasons people might be drawn to silverflint over flintham which all comes down to personal preference, but I really do think the biggest reason is their screentime disparity.

That said...even though Silverflint isn't canon, and Flintham IS the show's endgame, that doesnt make one more valid than the other as a ship because that's categorically not what fandom is about. I don't think there's a confusion to be had there, because there's no such thing as 'this is the right ship and this is the wrong one.' I have ships I doggedly sail that aren't canon and that for some are their notps. And I would quite literally fight to the death over them given half a chance. That's fandom!!

I will say that the reason silverflint is my notp is because I personally feel like the relationship becomes incredibly unhealthy when you put a romantic spin on it - but for some people that's the attraction! Or they don't have the same set of personal experiences I have that lead me to those conclusions! Just as a lot of people have experiences that sour them to him, John Silver is a very personal and relatable character to a lot of people. And honestly, if that's true why wouldn't they want to have him get with James Flint who is not only very beautiful but also technically perfect in every way and has never done anything wrong in his life, ever?

And that's okay! Again it's fandom! Everybody is right! You get validation! And you get validation! Everybody gets validation!!

(Lmao that's wrong - there are some people who are wrong but they're mostly wrong because they try to insist their views are the only corect ones.)

Idk what to tell you. Do I personally wish there was more flintham and less silverflint? For sure, lol. But that's because, let's be real - there was ABSOLUTELY NO WORLD where I wasn't going to be a rabid flintham shipper, and also absolutely no world in which I was going to like John Silver as a character enough to want him near my kin, my sun, my only light, my absolute unit of a child James Flint-McGraw-Hamilton any longer than absolutely necessary. I'm aware of my bias. I stand by it, but I am aware of it, lol. BUT HERE'S THE GREAT THING ANON IF YOU JOIN ME IN SHIPPER HELL WE CAN FIX THAT. BE THE CHANGE I WANT TO SEE!!

My biggest advice is that, at its heart Black Sails is a show about stories and the personal bias inherent in them. Keep your mind open, and try not to let fandom influence your personal feelings towards what you find enjoyable. (Even me. If you end up shipping silverflint, I promise I will try very hard not to take offense lmao). Oh, and don't expect a happy ending for anyone. Black Sails is a tragedy, and in true tragedy form there are no happy endings for anyone except the british empire.

For the most part this is a great fandom and Black Sails itself is a show that I think everyone should watch - even if they aren't in it for the ships. While I have some major problems with it(particularly its treatment of its female characters) it's also hands down the best show I've ever seen in a lot of ways. It is full of not just the most pure and perfect mlm ship in Flintham but ALSO some great canon wlw ships, a dumb himbo who ruins everything, lots of POC - specifically a large number of really excellently portrayed black characters - and just...absolutely phenomenal writing. And it says gay rights with its fucking chest. And it contains the most heartbreakingly real portrayal of why revolutions fail and whose stories get told that like. I've ever, ever seen. I still cry when I think too hard about it please don't look at me.

ANYWAY LONG STORY SHORT WATCH BLACK SAILS. (James&Thomas 4eva)

(And, to that end uhhhh, here's some timestamps for violence against women in the first season. I've been meaning to add on for the other seasons but just haven't had time.)

#black sails #goodness i hope this all makes sense lmao #uhhhhhhh idk if i want to tag this in the ship tags #i suppose im already in the main tag do uh #silverflint #flinthamilton #deep apologies if you find my opinions offensive lmao txt it #long post #which should really just come as a standard tag whenever i open my mouth #black sails spoilers #i tries i tries so hard to make this shorter #thats just not who i am as a person and i hope we've all accepted that by now

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ninakaina · 3 years

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sorry to bother you with this if you have already addressed it, but I couldn’t find such a thing and didn’t want to assume your intentions. You said you dont demand that people stop shipping BurDa, you just want the ship to be seen more critically, which I believe (unless that has changed ofc) But I’m struggling to understand how this statement works with believing that it is inherently racist? Surely if that’s the case people should stop completely? Regardless of answer, thank you for Ur posts!

don’t worry about it! i’m sorry actually, i’m having trouble connecting concepts and putting thoughts together tonight, so this will probably be a little disjointed.

it’s kind of a complex subject! my purpose in making those disclaimers is to make my posts as accessible as possible to my audience, whoever that might be. to be clear, i’m NOT saying my way of doing things is right or the only right way or that people have to “be nice” about their opinions, this is just how i choose to go about this conversation. but i do want to be nice when i can (eg. i don’t make problems on random people’s burakhovsky posts* or talk about specific users i disagree with unless they have spoken directly to or about me or they’re big well known racists like threi), and i want to make it as easy as possible for well-meaning people to start thinking and talking more critically about things they like. i think that there are some people who have been able to learn something useful from my posts who wouldn’t have if i had said “if you like burakhovsky/burda, stop it or block me”. i would personally rather encourage people to think and talk about it critically, and i know it sucks to see even valid condemnations of the things you like so i want to remind people i’m not attacking them. i obviously don’t like that it’s shipped at all, but... point number 2:

i don’t feel comfortable saying that it Should Not Be Liked as a rule / demand / universal statement. a lot of things are inherently racist. most things are inherently racist. again, please don’t take what i say in this post as my assertions of how anyone else should be acting because this is my very specific and uncertain personal choice. i wouldn’t argue with someone who said everyone should stop, and i don’t argue with my mutuals who enjoy it critically. i’m pretty good at making connections between concepts (normally) but making moral or authoritative judgements about them is something i’m a lot less confident about, believe it or not. like, the ask i just got about the stamatins: i can tell you some things i find interesting about them, i could do some analysis that might make someone think about them in a new way, i can tell you they’re racist, but when asked how i feel about them or if it’s ok to like them i’m at a loss. i thought for a long time about “why it’s ok” for me to like maria and i’m still not completely confident in my answers. “is this racist?” “is this a harmful trope?” are different questions than “are its elements so racist and harmful that it can never be liked or engaged with without being part of the harm?” that is a complicated question with a lot of variables, and i am very fallible, and i don’t feel educated or experienced enough to tell you not to like something, period.

one of the reasons for this is i don’t know what’s going on in the heads of people who like it. i don’t know every single shipper’s heritage, experiences, conclusions, or reasoning. i never saw anything between them so i clearly don’t see what a lot of people see, and i don’t know how it’s handled when it is handled critically-- i don’t consume burakhovsky content when i can avoid it (i have it blacklisted on tumblr and don’t read fics) because it very easily can become upsetting for me due to my personal experiences. like tweets about me, i only find out what’s going on with burakhovsky content when friends or followers show it to me. and again, i don’t know how you think about it in your mind. my conclusion is that it is racist and harmful enough that i personally should not like or engage with it. when i ask people to think critically about it, i want them to come to their own conclusion on that matter for themselves, personally.

* where i draw the line and start getting assertive is when you create and publish content that is harmful. when you are creating content, even fan content, even analysis, it’s no longer a matter of “enjoying things”, it’s a matter of actions and decisions which can affect others. which is why i say racist tropes/themes in fanfiction and fanart and discussion should be addressed and why i really appreciate creators who make space for good faith criticism and acknowledge their fallibility. this is also where my footnote for the “not making a stink on other people’s posts” comes in-- as i’ve said before, if you see offensive content being made, you’re welcome to ask me to address it directly on your behalf. i appreciate all the people who have held me accountable throughout my life, even when sometimes it took me a while to come around.

i hope this made a little bit of sense! in conclusion it’s a matter of my intention in the posts i make, which is to start a conversation and offer a new perspective, a matter of establishing my respect for well-meaning people with lives and thoughts i don’t know, and a matter of the complexity of ethical judgements and my own insecurities about whether my feelings are right or good or real.

#daniel davinky #thanks for this one it really got me thinking!#Anonymous #asks

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21ate · 4 years

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do you ever think about how a mostly overlooked part of komaeda as a character is the fact that he has frontotemporal dementia, which can damage an individuals emotional responses, personality, and actions? like... it explains a lot abt his actions in game and makes udg hurt more cuz like. a lot of what they do to the servant is just? taking advantage of that? i am in pain

hmmm…

well first i just wanna say i wouldnt really consider the situation between the warriors of hope and komaeda as them taking advantage of him really? cause for one thing, komaeda was an adult by that time (or at least close to adulthood)…and the woh are children

if anything, komaeda was the one taking advantage of the children by teaming up with monaca and forcing the game to continue, which he only did as a means to serve his own twisted beliefs about hope and despair

and this couldve easily been among his worst offenses as a remnant of despair given that we’re initially led to believe that the woh komaru defeats were killed as a result (i.e.: executed)…but like, as it turns out, they all survived. so ?? 1 point for komaeda there, but -99 points since his involvement is directly tied to the WOH’s demon hunting game. people still died, and a lot of em at that

but anyways back to your point about his dementia lmao

yes ive thought about it before and currently, im torn about whether i believe komaeda was telling the truth or not tbh?

i dont doubt that komaeda is mentally ill in some way, but yknow, the confession regarding this topic is scrutinized as possibly being a lie by hajime (especially as komaeda goes on to say he had just read about it in a book)

like obviously i cant take even THAT at face value because when having to separate lies from facts as part of analyzing a character like komaeda, i dont think it makes sense to try and pin down the “real truth” at all anyways? because for one thing, unless there is explicit and intentionally wrote in evidence to prove a statement wrong, it may as well be quite literally impossible to determine what the real truth is since we dont know every single detail that went into kodaka’s story

that being said, there does seem to be proof that komaeda has problems of course - but also that his problems and he as a character himself are not meant to be seen as inherently bad or evil just because he’s suffering from something. i mean idk what else im supposed to take away from how his arc concludes - he and the other remnants actually get to redeem themselves and become better people. part of the hardship of such a thing is having to grapple with the cruelties of not just the world around you, but also your own perception and thinking and behavior

whether komaeda has frontotemporal dementia specifically kinda doesnt matter to me because the subtext is enough to consider him neurodivergent and trying to cope, and his character arc doesnt end up demonizing him for it i think

and dont get me wrong i used to feel like having that label among the other tidbits of information about komaeda was like essential knowledge and it still is, but NOT because of its specificity necessarily. rather, the fact that komaeda would potentially LIE about having the condition or the lymphoma or whatever…and then knowing all the other undeniably traumatic shit we can for certain say happened thanks to dr3 - all that right there leads me to the same conclusion anyways without having to think too hard about the implications of komaeda having that specific diagnosis. theres just no way id ever believe it if someone claimed komaeda isnt mentally ill…a person cant go thru the amount of trauma he has and come out unscathed, yknow?

so yeah i AM in pain over komaeda because he’s certainly gone through the wringer his entire life and thats what shaped his beliefs and behavior…but behind all that pain is his genuine kindness and humanity and willingness to befriend hajime and the rest as they work towards creating a better future not for some third party’s best interest but THEIR OWN…and thats incredibly important to remember too

#dr blogging #danganronpa #komaeda nagito

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vincent-frankenstein · 4 years

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Oooo!! Could you do "I think our house is haunted" with any (or all?) of the sides?

YOU BET YOUR SKELETON I CAN

(i had so much fun writing this that im probably going to write a part two so dont get too stressed over the cliffhanger, there’ll be more in 10-12 business months when i can wrangle my creativity long enough to focus on this again)

Title: Touch-Tone Telephone (Disbelieving, That’s The Real Crime)

Summary: Roman’s apartment is haunted.

He knows there’s something sinister in their house, something deep and dark and dreadful, and he knows he can stop it, if only his roommates would help. If only they believed him.

But his search for proof brings him face-to-face with something more horrifying than he’d ever expected. Can he survive, faced with the specter of the brother he never knew?

Warnings: ghosts, disturbing imagery (but only for one sentence near the end), knives, sleep paralysis, generally just Spooky Vibes™ also sympathetic deceit and unsympathetic remus

Gen Taglist (ask to be added or removed!): @joygaytrash @ruh-roh-emer-has-an-account @aliferous-ly @im-crunchie @triton-bear @emiisanidiot @jemthebookworm

It was a cold October evening when Roman gathered his roommates in the living room for one of those fam-ILY meetings Patton seemed so fond of. He sat atop his “throne” — a worn crimson armchair he’d had for years — and crossed his hands in his lap, his face set and solemn. His roommates shifted where they sat — some uncomfortably, worriedly, others just confused.

“I assume you’re all wondering why I’ve gathered you here,” Roman said, with the grim air of someone about to impart life-changing news.

Cecil rolled his eyes, sarcasm burning on his tongue. “No, no, Roman,” he simpered, his voice slow and insincere. “Whatever gave you that idea?”

Virgil elbowed him in the side, and Cecil abandoned his sarcasm in favor of wheezing in pain.

“Cecil, this is serious,” Roman said seriously. “What I’m about to tell you will change our lives forever. It may even ruin them.”

“Oh gosh, are you —” Patton cut off with a gasp of horror, his hand flying to his mouth. “Are you sick? Are you hurt?”

Virgil’s face grew pale. Or, well, paler than usual, which was a significant feat, because Roman hadn’t thought that was possible. “Princey, I swear to fu —”

“Language,” Cecil and Logan said in unison, the former reaching to cover Patton’s innocent ears. Virgil growled.

“I swear to Gerard Way, if you die on us —”

“No!” Roman cried, holding up his hands. “I’m not sick!”

“Then what is going on?” Logan asked, sitting forward. “This needless drama is only causing Virgil and Patton unnecessary stress.”

“’Needless’? ‘Unnecessary’?” Roman gasped with over-dramatic offense, an over-dramatic hand pressed against his chest in shock. “Au contraire, ye of little faith. I come bearing news of the most heinous caliber. News that could shock each of you to your very cores, news that —”

“Oh for the love of — spit it out already!” Cecil growled, slamming his hand down on the arm of the couch and making Patton jump.

Roman leaned forward, allowing just enough time to pass, just enough stress to up the shock-value. “I think our house is haunted.”

His words had the exact effect he’d hoped for: profound, reverent silence. Logan sat back, his face set in a serious scowl as he pondered Roman’s words. Virgil and Cecil shared a look, both faces set as stone. Patton leaned forward, his eyebrows furrowing. Roman basked in their shared awe, pride blooming in his chest despite the grim nature of their situation.

Logan snorted, and the moment shattered. Virgil and Cecil both burst out laughing, clutching their stomachs with twin looks of glee. Patton was the only one who didn’t laugh, though the corners of his mouth twitched.

Roman scoffed. “What, might I ask, is so funny? I’m being serious!”

“Mhm,” Logan hummed, raising an eyebrow. “And what exactly is it that makes you believe our house is haunted?”

“I’ve been hearing noises, every night, after everyone’s gone to bed. Footsteps, doors opening and closing, muffled, moaning voices. There’s a shadowy figure that has passed my bedroom door several times, bringing with it a feeling of utter dread.”

Cecil rolled his eyes. “That’s just Virgil,” he said, earning another elbow in the side that left him wheezing all over again.

“No!” Roman cried. “It absolutely is not Virgil! It’s all hunched and baggy and strange, like — like some sort of ghoul.”

Virgil shrugged. “As much as I’d love to live in a haunted house — and as much as I hate agreeing with Cecil — he’s probably right. I go downstairs for midnight snacks all the time.”

“At five in the morning?”

Virgil shrugged again.

“No,” Roman insisted. “I don’t buy it. There’s something — something bad in this house.”

“There are five people in this household,” Logan countered. “How do you explain the fact that none of us have ever seen it?”

“I-I don’t know! Maybe it’s only showing itself to me?” Roman shook his head, scowling. “I should’ve known you wouldn’t believe me. You wouldn’t believe in ghosts if there was one right in front of you.”

“Falsehood,” Logan said. “Given proper evidence of such a thing, I would have no choice but to believe. However, you have provided no evidence beyond your own experiences, which, while strange, can be easily explained.”

“’Easily explained’? How? And don’t tell me it’s Virgil.”

“It could be any one of us,” Logan said, “including Virgil. You cannot expect a household of five to remain perfectly silent throughout the night. The fact that you hear footsteps and doors opening and closing means nothing, and the shadowy figure is most likely one of us passing by your door on the way to the bathroom.”

“And the feeling of dread?” Roman asked, eyes narrowed. “It’s the most awful feeling in the world. It sits on my chest and it’s so heavy I can barely breathe. Unless one of you is capable of doing that —”

“Like I said, that’s just Virgil,” Cecil said, the corner of his mouth quirking up into a smirk. “Feelings of dread are his specialty.”

Virgil readied his elbow, and Cecil reached behind himself and snatched up a pillow, whacking Virgil across the face. With a feral growl, Virgil lunged, and the two rolled off the couch and onto the floor, pillows flying, laughter laced beneath their mocking voices.

“Hey, c’mon,” Patton said, holding the table steady as the two roughhoused beneath it. Cecil kicked Virgil into the table, and Patton’s glass of hot cocoa nearly toppled. “Hey!”

“Enough,” Logan said, eyes narrowed. When the two didn’t listen, he stood, and Roman and Patton both covered their ears. “Enough!” he yelled, at a volume loud enough to rival an airplane taking off, and the two leaped apart. Logan sat back down, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

“Roman, what you are experiencing is purely psychological,” he said, once again the epitome of calm. Virgil rubbed at his ears, shoulders hunched. “Shadowy figures, a feeling of dread, and a weight on your chest can all be explained by sleep paralysis, which is —”

“I know what sleep paralysis is!” Roman said. “It absolutely was not that. I hadn’t even fallen asleep yet! And I could move.”

“Alright,” Logan said, nodding, “then it is just your mind playing tricks on you. Halloween is a handful of days away. Tell me, how many horror movies have you seen so far this month?”

Roman glared at the floor. “… Quite a few,” he admitted.

“Right. And how many horror festivals have you been to?”

“Three.”

“Mhm.” Logan readjusted his glasses, his eyes glittering smugly. “You see one of us pass your doorway, and, believing us to be some creature of supernatural origin, you begin to panic. However, you’ve mistaken that panic for a ghostly feeling of dread brought on by some malevolent outside force. The amount of horror you’ve consumed in the past few weeks has primed your brain for a haunting. You’re jumping to conclusions.”

“I am not!” Roman insisted. “I know what a panic attack feels like, Logan. This isn’t it. Something’s wrong, and — and I’ll prove it to you!”

“How?”

Roman stood. “You’ll see. I’ll get proof, and I’ll make you all believe.”

“Aw, I believe you, kiddo!” Patton said, his smile wide and earnest. Roman managed a smile back.

“Thanks, padre,” he said. Patton’s support, while appreciated, didn’t do much to lessen the righteous fury he felt at Logan’s dismissal. It was like a participation trophy — always there, whether you were right or not. He wanted first place, the golden medallion of Logan’s belief — and he was going to get it.

“Good luck, Dib No-Brain,” Virgil said, offering a sarcastic thumbs up. “Now that that’s outta the way, next order of business: who the fu —”

“Language.”

“— heck has been stealing my eyeshadow?”

Roman tuned out the conversation — which was boring, and overly predictable, really. He already knew who had stolen Virgil’s eyeshadow, but he’d never confess. It looked so much better on him. Besides, he had more important things to think about.

He knew he was right. Logan’s explanations made sense — of course they did, everything that asshole said made sense — but he couldn’t explain away the awful feeling Roman had. It wasn’t a panic attack, or sleep paralysis. It was something darker, colder than any of them could fathom, and it seemed he alone had to shoulder the weight.

Night fell, and Roman prepared for battle. With a camera as his shield and a vial of holy water — a gift from his cousin, Remy, who was as superstitious as he was sassy — as his sword, he sat on the edge of his bed and waited.

And waited.

The house was silent. Not a floorboard creaked, not a door moved, not a creature stirred. He’d drained his 12-hour supply of coffee roughly three hours in, and now his head nodded down towards his chest, eyes fluttering, sleep chasing away the last dregs of caffeine in his bloodstream.

What a waste of time. Logan was right — he was always right, really, could he be any more insufferable? There weren’t any ghosts; their house wasn’t haunted. Roman dragged a hand across his face, a heavy sigh falling from his lips. He was wrong again, too imaginative, too overdramatic, too —

Footsteps. There were footsteps in the hallway. There were footsteps in the hallway and by the time Roman stopped fumbling with his camera and managed to lift it, the shadowy figure had appeared, a baggy mass of darkness that stopped in his doorway and —

And laughed?

Wait. He knew that laugh. A small snort, stifled behind a hand, as if the act of laughing alone was enough to indict him as a human being and therefore must be hidden at all costs. “Don’t tell me you’ve been awake this entire time, Roman,” Logan said, stepping into the room with a thick blanket wrapped around his shoulders.

“It was you,” Roman said lowly, his voice thick with ultimate betrayal. “This whole time! It was you!”

Logan readjusted his glasses. “Well, not entirely,” he said. “I’m sure Virgil contributed to your hypothesis at some point, he tends to wander the house during the night. However, I wasn’t doing this intentionally to scare you.”

“Bullshit,” Roman scoffed. “Why didn’t you say anything? I’ve been up all night!”

“I did say something, Roman. I told you that your ‘shadowy figure’ was merely one of us passing your doorway. I could have reiterated, but…” The ghost of a smirk passed his face. “I didn’t want to miss the opportunity to see you like this.”

Roman promptly threw his pillow at Logan’s face. Logan dodged. What an asshole.

“So is that the only reason you came down here? To see me suffer?” Roman placed a hand against his chest, shaking his head. “I never thought you capable of such cruelty. I guess I’m just wrong about everything these days!”

Logan raised an eyebrow. “You are not the only reason I came down,” he said, “and you’re not wrong about everything. Just several, inconsequential things.”

“Thanks,” Roman deadpanned. “Why did you come down, then?”

“For Crofters.”

“Oh. Of course.” Roman grabbed his pillow from the floor and set his camera on his bedside table, rolling his eyes. “Go ahead. Leave me to my shame. Enjoy your jelly.”

He flopped down on his side, hugging the pillow to his chest, and heaved a long, pitiful sigh. Logan hesitated in the doorway, closing his eyes and breathing in for a long three seconds. “Roman,” he said. “Would you… perhaps, care to join me?”

Wow. Sure, Roman had been angling for Logan to offer, but he hadn’t expected the nerd to actually do it. His guilt-trips only ever worked on Patton, and occasionally Virgil, once in a blue moon and every other holiday. First time for everything, he supposed.

“I. Uh. Sure?” He stood, still holding his pillow to his chest. “Only if I get the last of the concord jelly.”

Logan shot him a look. “Absolutely not. Die.”

Roman collapsed against the wall, clutching his chest, head lolling, eyes rolling back into his head. “Agh! Sweet embrace of death, come so soon to gather me into Her arms! How could this beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~”

He dropped to the floor, onto his hands and knees, and fell sideways, a heap of limp limbs. When he was sure his performance was enough, he released his final breath. Logan blinked down at him, unimpressed, and kicked him in the side as he passed.

“Fine!” Roman called after him. “You’re not invited to my funeral!”

Logan flipped him off without even looking back. What an asshole.

Roman shoved himself to his feet and scrambled after him, mind set. He was going to get that jelly before Logan could even blink, and he wasn’t going to share a single drop of it. That’d teach him to ignore Roman’s acting gold.

He slid past Logan and rushed into the kitchen, not realizing that Logan had stopped in the doorway, not noticing the dread that settled deep in his bones until he slid to a hasty stop, a sharp gasp flying from his lips.

“Oh,” he squeaked. His heart attempted gymnastics in his chest and only succeeded in lodging in his throat, choking away every attempt at a response Roman could possibly give.

There was a knife.

Floating in midair.

There was a knife floating in midair and really, a sight like that should have sent him running, but there was a knife floating in midair and it wasn’t supposed to do that and simply the shock alone was enough to lock his legs in place. He glanced around; surely there were strings, somewhere. Surely the others were pranking him. Surely —

The knife was moving.

“Logan,” he managed, in a voice several dozen octaves higher than usual. “Logan, please tell me you’re seeing this, please —”

“I —” Logan tried to speak several times. His voice failed, words cutting out again and again. “I — Yes. That’s — mhm. Yep.”

The knife was floating away from them, thank god, and Roman couldn’t help but watch, mesmerized. “What do we do?” he hissed, and he could practically feel Logan struggling to find an answer. He was speechless — the great Logan Sanders, king of Being Insufferable, had been stricken speechless, and Roman didn’t even have the time to enjoy it. “Do… Do we call an exorcist?”

And wow was that the wrong thing to say, because the haunted-demon-ghost-knife heard him, and it whipped around in midair — and suddenly a figure appeared around it, and Roman collapsed backward, wheezing, the weight on his chest so suddenly heavy that he couldn’t draw a single breath. Logan looped his arms through Roman’s and held tight, his own breathing sharp and erratic.

The figure — tall, horrible, green, a rotting face, the barest wisps of a mustache above a skeletal smile, and eyes that Roman recognized, eyes that had stared him down in the mirror every day since he’d been born, his eyes, the ghost had his eyes — grinned, raising the knife. Roman couldn’t breathe.

“Boo.”

#sanders sides #roman sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #deceit sanders #remus sanders #ts deceit #sympathetic deceit #ts remus #unsympathetic remus #(for now ;3c)#basically this au is like. the sides are all a Found Fambly living in the same apt #a bunch of dumbasses platonically in love who may or may not have a ghost join their littol family sometime in the future :3c #celeste's portfolio #ts-touch-tone-telephone au #Anonymous

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thelittlehansy · 4 years

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My general opinion of frozen 2

Positive (what i like) :

1- pdbfkghzyz (i have no words 😍😍)

omgggg

woaaaaaa

damn !

this is...this...this is incredible !

i...i just cant...right now this is too much beautiful

2- the mythology of the movie

the explore more about frozen/arendelle world and it was great !

i want one !

2-That girl !she is funny ! She is crazy ! She is anna of arendelle and i love her top 5 favorite princess this movie made me realize why i love her personality so much !

3- that little man he is hilarious and he made the whole movie for me and it is coming from someone who didnt find him funny in the first.

samantha?

4-which lead to this point : humors ! i find the humor really great in the movie !

negative :

1- plot

i Find the plot complex confusing a lot of thing where in it and in the end not very well developp

This one is about my personal taste so i cant judge the movie about that but i dont find explaining elsa power to be a big deal at all it had on me the same effect as belle mom arc in the beauty and the beast remake. Pointless to me !

2- the characters understand things a bit too fast ?

Or maybe i m dumb !😅

I dont understand how anna understand that the solution was to destroy the dam so easily ? 🤨 so i go to see the movie a second time and still dont get it.

3-antagonist

i do find also that the movie lack of a antagonist the element were not enough developp to me. then we have elsa and anna grandfather but he was a villain that was already dead and really i would have like to be scared for our characters that something may happen to them. for example in moana , the lack of villain in the plot was what made moana one of my least favorite movie but there was some moment when i was fearing for her and i didnt really have that for frozen 2

this point is really complex because there are a lot of people who really are fan of story without villain , i used to like them but in the end i prefer story with ones, villain are impactful they make the plot even more memorable. so yeah i do find this is a weak point of the movie even tought a lot of people find that this is great thing there was no villain.

4- the song

They were decent i listen to them after but nothing unique i just feel that we cant sing them like the one in the first one. I definitely dont like that much show yourself ( i think this is an unpopular opinion ) the sequence was gorgeous and my favorite from the movie but the song itself i prefer into the unknown. so basically i just didnt find the song memorable.

5- magic

magic is weird in the movie ? Esa power also ? 🤔 all of this are not very well explain. I left the lovie confuse as what are exactly elsa powers.

6- the subplot

i love kristoff and i really think they could have come with something better than the fails proposals for him he has a true personality and could have be more than anna accesory.

there was some response of anna that were not very natural i m thinking about her reaction in the sleight the supblot could have be write better to me.

7- new characters !

i would have love them to be so much more developpp i m thinking especially about matthias ! who i was very impatient to know more about ! but in the end he was not really used in the movie.

8- the end !

so.... this is a big subject XD something that is very controversial in the movie a lot of people like it ! a lot of people hate it ! a lot of people hate this trend disney had to separate character ! ( didnt kew toy story 4 was hate i like it)

so...i was first spoil ! and when i read about them ! i like it ! a like it a lot ! it could have add some melancholy about the movie to have this end and i tought it could a great end for the franchise. 🤔

but now after watching the movie...i change my mind !

one of my problem is Anna ! so apparently the writors made a test for the characters and anna has leaders capacities there was also their wish to make them a queen ( this is what i read) and i tought it was not well executed in the movie. in the movie we saw anna having leaders capacities but neither do we know how anna felt about being a queen and if she wants to be queen in the movie it felt like elsa has found how free herself and then anna accept it because elsa cannot do it anymore. anna is there to do the job that her sister cannot do anymore. it could have be great to know more about anna feeling if she is excited ? if she felt pressure ?

i agree with some people that say this end contradict frozen theme. i get this movie is suppose to be about changes but the thing is that in the first elsa decision to go on the north mountain was show as a bad decision in the movie. everything that she did was suppose to something bad the movie was about family. there was this scene before for the first time in forever reprise where elsa say to anna that her place is in arendelle and anna respond to her than her place also is in arendelle. Elsa respond that no she is mean to stay in the castle. Also it is true that elsa and anna are the center of the franchise so separate them like that could feel strange lets also say that they are not normal sisters they were already separate during 13 years there is still the moment at the end where anna say to elsa see each others for charades but it just dont feel the same they are still separated a the end only share like 8 years together since they are little 🤔 ? So Very mixed about the end.

9- hans cameo

Boring , unnecesserary , there was already previous cameo before like that and i dont like what topic disney has made hans represent in the franchise ( severe bullying ,abuse , physical abuse mockering (the source of hans plans in frozen ) and at the same time using him as a punching back to be mock. Want to laugh about him disney ? do it ! But dont give the backstory he had in a frozen heart. To me this is ironic in a sick way. (Yeah i have read that book the summer before the movie came in theater 😄)

10- dialogue and interaction (?)

I dont have read a lot about them so maybe this is just me..

but i tought the dialogue in some part of the movie were forced , unatural. And had the same feeling about how the characters move when they interact with each others.

Basically the dialogue and interaction bewteen the character give me the same impression that when i watched an episode of pretty little liars or once upon a time 😄😄(no offense to the actors really but the acting is not often great on this show)

Now that i have made the list of what i like and what i dislike i realize they are more nagative things that positive 😅 as a conclusion to me frozen 2 was is a decent sequel with flaws i enjoy it but i prefer the first one who is more like classic disney movie.

#frozen 2 #frozen #elsa #anna #kristoff #disney #queen elsa #queen anna

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felumatsu · 4 years

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Quick question for you all

Did you like the movie? Why/why not?

I’m seeing more and more positive ractions and to be honest I don’t understand them at all.

Imo the story was...ok, but the movie itself was extremely mediocre. I liked it, but uh, not really.

I’m no movie critic, so my opinion might seem just stupid to some people, but I feel like I need to explain my point of view. I’m having this issue with everything that comes after 1st season of Osomatsu-san - it was SO GOOD, it got so much attention, that later when OVA and 2nd season came out, I couldn’t stop thinking about how bad they are compared to 1st season. Same goes with the movie. I know a movie and an entire series of episodes are completely different things and it’s not so simple to just compare them without a deeper explanation. But the movie was so plain that it could’ve been just an episode. Not to mention that I felt like the humour just lacked something in general, just like in 2nd season.

Personally I find 2nd season offensively boring, there were some good episodes, but the humour was sometimes just too much, the perverted jokes were too childish, like it’s...not what I was waiting for. I was really into ososan for the entire time, until 2nd season came out, really. A few months prior it came out, my love for the show kind of died, but I was still waiting and hoping my love for the show would come back with the first episode. Not only it didn’t, but after watching a few episodes I just stopped caring at all, I was just disappointed. I feel like the producers went with risky humour in 1st season that really worked, but later they just went full on WE ARE VIRGINS HAHAHA PENIS HAHAHA FUNNY FACES LOL LOUD NOISES ARE VERY FUNNY because it worked the first time. Idk, maybe I’m biased, I honestly don’t know anymore.

When it comes to the movie, I feel like they did the exact opposite, which is still better than 2nd season. They tuned down the jokes, but the story was meh. Sure, it was entertaining, especially for me, a person who was deeply involved with the story and characters, a person who enjoys seeing interactions between them and all the little things. But...there was not much of those to begin with, and when I think about the story and everything that they did or didn’t include in the movie, it feels like a bad movie overall.

There was so many things that I was looking forward to, but most of all YOUNG MATSUS! Since we saw the first trailers and concepts from the movie, we were all hyped! Then I watched the movie, saw young matsus and after all I feel like the story wasn’t even about them? But hey, that’s not a bad thing, right? But then, the story was about...a random girl that matsus didn’t interact with? Except this one time in their memory, which wasn’t even real? I don’t even remember if they exchanged any words at school, all I know is that she was in the background of the photos that we saw among with the end credits. We know nothing about her except why or how she said goodbye. For me she seems to be a (very cute) side character, that’s all. So since she’s not the main character, who is? Matsus? Then why did we see so little of their past?

We saw Oso. Great, he was the same. ...that’s all? We saw Choro, he was a cute perverted nerd. What about his friends? Did he have any? Ichi? We saw a lot of him, that’s good! I’m satified with his side of the story tbh! I just wish we saw him more not around his friends. Todo was...cute and sociable I guess? Totoko was cute. Her part was okay-ish, it’s not like she’s well developed in the show anyway. Kara’s and Jyushi’s parts of the story got me annoyed the most. Jyushi was pretending to be a...bad boy i guess. WHY? What about his friends? What about his...I dont know...Anything? And Kara. Ohhh my sweet boy Karamatsu. He was a quiet shy boy. That’s all. I’m so glad I got to know his young self, I’m glad they wasted so much screen time to just show me that he was shy. We all knew about that the moment they showed us the concept arts.

What got me angry was the use of young Karamatsu’s personality. Like they developed his young self only for the sake of the movie plot, which would just use the fact that he was shy/scared to talk to people. Before we knew what was going on, it looked like a very good story imo. Kara’s hiding something and having regrets? We all knew it wasn’t about some fandom-requested depressed Kara or anything like this(I would really enjoy that lmao, but it would be pretty dumb), but I was hoping it would have something to do with their personalities, with their past, which would explore their characters even more. Nope, he got a letter from a girl that no one remembered!

God, it’s not a bad story in general when you think about it. The ending was expected, but it wasn’t bad. But I feel like it lacked so much that there was no real plot. Like they made a movie, because they wanted to make a movie, and THEN started thinking about a plot. Like I feel there was just no point in making this movie.

Not to sound like a total asshole, there were some little things that I really, really enjoyed. For example how they acted around each other in high school. The Todo/Choro interactions were amazing, young socializing Ichi was amazing! I also LOVED how they all mistook Kara’s memories with Oso’s - it showed how similar and equally stupid they actually are. Also, the part where Kara was constantly annoyed by Oso’s immatureness? I LOVED that! Go mature Kara and show him who’s in charge. Hey, the part where they all talked to their young selves? Cliche, but adorable! Seeing them interact with past selves also showed us that actually they are grown-ups and aren’t all that immature! Cool! I’m happy I got to see all of these things and also others that I don’t remember at this moment.

In conclusion. I enjoyed the movie, but it left me really dissatisfied.

Sorry I kind of turned this into an angry rant. And sorry for my English. It was hard to turn my feelings into words as a non-native speaker, but I’m learning and I saw that as an opportunity to test my writing skills.

I’m pretty sure there’s a lot of misunderstandings from my side, a lot of conflicts, contradictions, and me missing some stuff, but I wanted to voice my opinion on this as I really have only one person that I can talk about it to. (love u)

tl;dr me likey movie but it bad an i want more

#let me know what you think #i didnt see others point of view so maybe i will change my mind if you have different thoughts!#im sorry im just not over it #im sorry its so long #my english probably hurts your eyes #thanks to anyone who actually read at least half of my pathetic rant #i love you #please dont hate me im desperate for discussion #osomatsu-san

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mathieubellamont · 4 years

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man in relation to that last post, and its not really related to this blog outside of it but its weighing on my mind

ive seen two things lately about audiences and content creators, specifically those of the Edgy kind. And, as a disclaimer, i am both LGBT and mixed race and oh, also disabled, and i am not saying “yes their content is offensive But you should care about them more” like ofc im gonna care more about the people who are hurt by the spreading of harmful shit but. anyway

whats been on my mind is the fact that these creators create, with all their edginess and their discarding of feelings for Facts and whatnot forms these audiences that, even if mild in their reactions, have and hold no place for feelings, and people who they disagree with. Even the ones who just have “Comedic” content thats laughing at minorities and whatnot, it breeds things in the audience - and attracts peole who’re already infected by it - that focus on laughing and making fun of people and tearing people down who they just mildly disagree with. We all knew that, but specifically whats weighing on my mind is that........... When you do that, theres no backing down. If you realise youve been wrong somewhere and the people youre attacking have been right, if you realise you dont want to make this content anymore, if you realise you’re tired or stressed, or the environment youve created has gotten too toxic, how are you going to back down? People look to you for their vicious entertainment, people look to you for things to tear apart however lightly, to Roast or to offend or to seriously hurt, and if you arent providing fresh bodies to that audience, theyll take it from you. You have to either be sure when you go into creating edgy content that youll be doing this for the rest of your life, or youre ok with being the subject of what youre inflicting on others when you stop. That, or you have to hope to god that your audience gets bored of you before you call it quits

like...... It all boils down to this. Edginess attracts two main kinds of people, people who are clueless about the harm theyre doing and looking to parrot others/who want to make people uncomfortable or upset/who want to make people feel like they feel, thats one category, and the other main category is genuinely fucked up people who like to see the hurt and the offence it causes, who want women/other minorities to be uncomfortable at best or unwelcome or feel in danger at worst, people who show through their humour that theyre willing to act in ways that hurt people for fun. The first category, people who dont get the harm it causes and just want to shock people (which, as a person clueless to microaggressions and racism and why things actually offend people could either be just surprise Or serious harm they label as shock), theyre clueless about the power youre breeding in them and the cluelessness, but the second group of people are actively harmful. Either way, when you finally need your audience to be understanding, when you need to post your “my mental health is going downhill and i cant ignore it anymore” video or post, youre stuck with these people, and obviously others outside those categories, but youre stuck with them. The people who are willing to beat down already beaten down minorities? Who reduce everyone to a set of stereotypes and if they disagree with any quality you have youre their target? Who think doxxing and swatting are funny, who think harrassment and death threats are just edgy and, well, you know edgy is totally fine right?? Edgy is good right?? what are you going to do?

Maybe when youre in your hour of need your audience will have a change of heart, but if you attract an audience who follow you for and approve of your disregard for peoples needs, who make fun of and attact people saying they need help (”i suffer at the hands of oppression” “im disabled” “im a targeted minority” “ive suffered from harassment” etc) what do you think theyre going to do to you when you dont want to play the game anymore?

Like theres a leap in logic here between being an edgy content creator and definitely reaching a point where you wont do it anymore. Yes, maybe youll be edgy for the rest of your life....... But as someone who was an edgy teenager slinging around slurs constantly and racist and homophobic and transphobic shit...... The end to that was the singular logical conclusion for me as someone trying to be a good person. When you actually learn about these things, or when you start to live it as an lgbt person or you reconnect with your nonwhite half, or you have a family member who is assaulted, or a friend who finally confesses their online harassment and the severe damage its done to them, and you have an audience waiting for you to tell them who to laugh at/treat like shit if they want to because well, theyre wrong and stupid arent they, why should anyone treat them well - thats the conclusion a lot of these people take from seeing people be made the butt of jokes.......... What are you going to do?

Ive always tried to make this blog a mentally and emotionally safe place. Ive made mistakes, but ive always tried to own up to them and learn from. Like, yeah, theres been some racist shit on this blog before, probably some transphobic shit too, ive had this blog since i just turned 17 in dec. 2013....... Its important for my followers that i cultivate a place that is good for them, that isnt stressful, that focuses on good content or. me having fun in video games lmao. and why is that good? well, because i want to. Its not necessarily the right thing to do nor the wrong thing to do, it just Is morally. But when it comes to cultivating an audience based on constantly shocking people, and making people uncomfortable, and making innocent people scared to exist or ashamed of their existence or hurt because theyre reminded that what they are is disgusting to people like you, whether you mean it or not? Thats where I feel things like this become a moral choice. Like, first of all, even if youre doing it jokingly, if youre having fun pretending to throw punches and kicks even if the point is to laugh at you, you run the risk of people getting hit. Thats why we dont do that in public spaces. When youre jokingly throwing metaphorical punches even if the joke is that youre being an arse purposely, youre in that corridor, and the traffic in that corridor is every single person that sees your post, possibly hundreds, possibly thousands, and so the chance that youre going to hit people - many people - is huge. But to get back to whats on my mind, even if you dont give a shit about all the people you hit accidentally or on purpose, when you train an audience to expect you to feed them meat, when you stop feeding them meat theyll still be looking at you, and if theyre hungry enough - entitled enough, angry enough, uncaring enough, tired of life and other people enough, unknowing enough, ready enough to bring the fight to other people - theyre going to pick at you if not take chunks off you if not tear you to shreds. When you call people who think shock humour and hurting other people is acceptable, well, thats what youve done right?

You dont need to make a blog like mine thats purpose is to be safe. You dont need to actively try to make sure people feel like they fit in with your content, you dont need to create a space for other people to enjoy at all, maybe you just wanna do what makes you laugh. But the less space we hold for people to hurt people the less people are going to get hurt, shocker i know, but also the less harmful people’s anger we are unknowingly feeding, and the less fucking clueless kids who are going to grow up parroting things theyve heard and never understood, that truly evil people understand, and the less content creators in the future we’re going to have to dig out of the hole they back themselves into

anyway. odd post, its done now

#i cant proofread this ugh im at my limit. kinda defeats the point of making this post if its not understandable but anyway #sorry this. i put it here because its directly related to the below post and its about content creators #this might make very little sense and theres probably a lot of logic leaps i didnt explain and maybe im super wrong and whatever but #theres absolutely no need for anyone to address this and its better if it isnt addressed but im in a bit of a bad space mentally right now #(dont worry im going to bed after i do the dishes)#unknowingly hurting people and hurting people in general and people unknowingly backing themselves into corners is just.#on my mind except on my Heart ad emotions right now i just need to talk about it #i just keep thinking if i can save one fucking kid from getting into trouble #hell even the content creators i thoroughly disagree with. the ones echoing harmful ideas and Haha Offensive oppressive content #the idea that some of them are still doing it because they cant escape...... the idea of anyone realising their mistakes and being stuck #and not being able to get out of it #theres so much anger in the world and i Know everyones tired and theyre aching emotionally #everyone including the people i really dont like are all doing what theyre doing because. anyway #its just. the more we can talk about this - and i understand as Many Minority Statuses Overlapping that we dont owe any assholes conversatio #n - the more people who can talk about this talk about this and bridge the gap and drag people who dont know better out of their edgy #phases to become better more conscious people..............#oof. its almost 5am #traitor's ramblings #assault #mention.

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