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#youre telling me the worlds biggest drama queen. the boy who is always crying wolf. is GRUMPY that he's being given extra attention??
couch-house · 1 year
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drama queen paradox
oh and because i didnt realize that thing straight up had a hospital bed attached until i went looking for references, a tribute.
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clown-bait · 5 years
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A Very Monster Christmas (Monster Roommate AU) PT4
Jesus fuck its been awhile. Believe it or not I actually have 3 whole chapters written including the conclusion to the christmas series so hopefully when I finish one more in between chapter I can actually post weekly again. Think of it like constipation but for writing.
PT4 The Weather Outside is Frightful
“No.”
“Penny please I'm so bored and you could use the babysitting practice.” Leech bravely took her eldritch's gloved hands in her own. The clown was not moved.
“I just saved you three days ago. You are not to leave.”
The nosferatu frowned and dropped his hands. “You know I'm just going to find a way out anyway.” she grinned at him smugly while Pennywise's upper lip twitched over his fangs in annoyance.
“You try my patience little thing” he growled and moved closer to her till she could feel hot puffs of air on her cold cheeks.
“I'm not going alone anyway Fred, Chucky and Drac are coming with me.”
The clown’s eyes narrowed into slits “That makes it worse.”
“Junior let the blood sucker get some fresh air for crying out loud.” Uncle Penny groaned as he turned to Leech’s mom. “I swear he is the biggest drama queen you should have seen him when he woke up the guy put on the biggest tantrum.”
Pennywise snarled and turned to his elder half baring his fangs in warning.
“If you want me to stop then cut the theatrics kiddo.” the elder clown huffed and quickly motioned for the group to leave.
Leech was mostly out the door by the time Pennywise registered she had slipped out “Bye Love don't eat Chucky’s kids!” she called out to him as the old door slammed behind her. The clown’s eyes were alarming red and yellow facing completely different directions. Before he could react to being tricked he felt a harsh tug on the puff of his pantaloons.
“All right Jingles, your baby mama asked me to give you a crash course on how to not completely fuck up your family and my mother always said the best way to learn is to try it yourself.” Tiff began as she pulled the massive creature back into the living room. “Now I want you to sit down with Glen and Glenda and have a nice little chat with them.”
“Oh this ought to be amazing!” Uncle Penny laughed and got comfortable in his seat to watch the show.
-----
“So what's the plan boys local bar? Convenience store? I'm partial to crashing a house party myself.” The vampire said turning around to her ghoulish companions.
“I dunno Fangs whatevers closest its fuckin freezing out here” Freddy pulled his trench coat tighter. Dracula lagged behind slightly uncomfortable with the implications of their outing. Chucky who was being generously carried by Leech called out to him.
“Come on Drac you're lagging behind and getting laid takes time. We ain't got all night!”
“This is very generous of all of you but I do not need-”
“Yeah 200 years is a long enough of a dry spell dude, come on you helped me get my man I'm gonna help you.” Leech shouted over him as she pushed through some deeper snow.
“Woah there fangs let's not push through the deep stuff in a snow storm.” The doll gripped his friend tighter
“I'm leading this hunting party dont like it you can walk.” The vampire stated simply and pushed onward through the field.
“Yeah great idea to take a short cut into town through deep snow Fangs!” Freddy huffed.
“Well the three of you wouldnt let me take the trees and roof tops.” Leech grumbled and continued to push onward.
“Fangs do I look like I was built to Spiderman around? Good Guy dolls are made for hugs not acrobatics and you're too clumsy anyway.” Chucky grumbled while clinging to his friend.
“I've gotten better!” Leech shouted and Dracula coughed.
“Eh debatable apprentice.”
“Oh yeah and when's the last time you actually instructed me on anything” the younger vampire growled.
“Well after you cancelled the last three times to as you so artfully put it, marathon with your lover, I assumed you were far too busy for things like learning to survive.” a dark color tinted the nosferatu's cheeks as she nearly tripped in the deep snow.
“One of those times was for a legitimate movie marathon ok!”
“Yeah that ended in the other kind.” Freddy added.
“So what if my sex life is healthy.”
“Excessive is a bit more like it.” the doll grumbled.
“Ok Pen and I both have big appetites it works out.” Leech led her friends out of the deep snow as Freddy snorted.
“Yeah I'll say! Vampires man you all are in a constant state of horny I swear.”
“Excuse you flatmate!” the elder vampire called out in offense.
“Yeah you're not one to talk you told me all about your adventures before the “Mina” incident. Didn't you bang her friend in the form of a wolf or something?”
“DO NOT SPEAK OF HER NAME”
“Do you need to hold Chucky again Drac? He said it himself he's good for hugs.” Leech sneered holding her friend out as he thrashed angrily.
“Hug me and I'll remove your eyeballs!”
“Hey if I squeeze you tight enough will you say the catch phrase?” the vampire hugged the enraged doll despite his warning. Chucky went eerily still.
“Fangs if you weren't filled with a murderous fear God’s kids you'd be dead right now” he snarled. Leech laughed at the empty threat and patted her belly.
“Gotta love my little security blankets! I wonder how he's doing.”
“My guess is terribly.” the dream demon chuckled.
“I want to say I have faith in my mate but seeing how they're Chucky's kids...you're probably right.” leech sighed and stretched as they finally walked into town. Chucky straightened himself back out as his feet touched the ground.
“Just an fyi fangs you're paying for the therapy.”
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“Whys your head so big?”
Pennywise grunted in response. He sat cross legged on the floor in front of two children who stared up at their natural predator with wide eyes. The little boy crawled forward.
“Are you an oni?”
“A what?”
“An oni”
“Kid wants to know if you're a demon junior.” the senior Pennywise shouted.
“I am much more than a simple demon child!” the clown snarled with malice
“Yeah yeah eater of worlds, be nice Jingles or I'll make sure you can't have any more kids” Tiffany growed as she sharpened a knife.
“You cant possibly kill me doll.”
“Wasnt talking about killing you” the dolls mother slammed the blade into the coffee table. The clown's golden eyes grew wide for a moment as Leech's mom gently spoke up.
“Pennywise try a more friendly approach with them!”
“HAHAHAHAH Sally baby I've been telling him that for 200 years. It's like menacing asshole is in his DNA.” his older self cackled nearly falling out of his seat.
“Thanks for making me a hit with the in law.” The younger clown grumbled under his breath.
“Why is your eye messed up?” glenda leaned forward crossing her eyes to imitate the clown who began to growl low as red tinted his irises.
“You're lucky I'm dieting”
“And Fangs is lucky you still have a functioning dick right now.” Tiffany warned as Sally cringed.
“Can we not talk about my daughter like that”
“Yeah uh how much do you know about your daughter dollface” Uncle Penny's fingers wrapped around the witch as he pulled his cigar out of his mouth.
“She takes after her father”
“I'm tempted to ask but I think Jingles is about to have a major breakthrough in positive child interaction”
“Mister Pennywise can I touch your nose?” Glen asked eyes wide
“Uh…” the clown glanced up at his companions who all enthusiastically motioned for him to agree. “All right child.” the clown craned his body close to what he usually considered an appetizer. Glen reached forward his small hand touching first the clowns nose then his cheek running his thumb on the smooth clay like skin.
“Its not paint?”
Penny blinked at the question. “No. It is not.”
“It feels like paint though how are you doing that?”
“I can do many things child.” the corner of the monsters lips tugged up with a ghost of a warm smile. This one wasn't so bad, it asked many questions but he could tolerate it. He could tolerate it till its sister began to speak.
“Can you make a balloon animal?”
“Oh course I can” Pennywise smiled wide and reached behind his back pulling out a giraffe
“Not with your tricks do it for real”
Pennywise stared at the little girl completely motionless. He didn't actually know how to make a balloon animal. His his uncle elbowed what be considered to be his mother-in-law with wicked excitement.
“Well? Can you do it or not?” the child asked impatiently.
“I..”
“Jeeze what kind of clown doesn't know how to make a balloon animal.”
Pennywise lunged forward teeth first “NO! I mean I can. I can do anything, I am all powerful and I can easily entertain two little brats.”
“Yeah right you're boring I can do better tricks than you!” Glenda sneered right back in the predators face.
“Oh boy here we go.” Tiff sighed and handed her son to Leatherface while moving to grab her daughter. “Glenda sweetie leave the clown alone.”
Pennywise glared at the child and snarled “Like what.”
“Like this.” Glenda shouted pulling a small knife from her pocket and stabbed the clown in the eye. Pennywise let out a horrible roar muffling the cackling from his older self as Tiffany dragged her daughter out of the grasp of the rampaging clown.
“I'm not paying for therapy.” she sighed as she dragged her kid out of the room.
---
The four monsters pressed onward into town the rising wind kept the wiser safe in their homes. These four were not among that category. Freddy wiped some frozen ice off his scarred skin and paused outside of the general store after seeing the “closed” sign hanging in the doorway. Up ahead of him Chucky groaned.
“Ugh this trip was pointless we're not gonna find anything open.”
“Then let's break in somewhere Drac can do a hypnosis trick or something.” Leech growled a bit her hunger getting to her as her mentor rolled his eyes.
“You could too if you practiced more.”
“Do you want me to help you get your dick wet or not Dracula.” the younger vampire hissed.
“Are you implying that I need help? My dear you realize I have seduced thousands of women.”
“And yet none of them stuck around.” the dream demon chuckled while elbowing his companions.
Dracula swore loudly in his mother tongue as his companions turned heel down an alley.
“Some of them were murdered!” he called after them then pulled his coat tighter hiding his dark cheeks. Dracula breathed in deep to sigh before proceeding forward when something caught his nose. It was musty, damp and beastial with a hint of the forest. The realization hit him too late….They had been followed.
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