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A FOOT FETISHIST AND A FURRY WALK INTO A BAR.

     ( have fun trying to figure out which one’s which. )

#TO KI I 'M L SOING IT #✧ ▹ FOR ME YOU ARE AN UPGRADE ! ▹ promo. #✧ ▹ I’M TOTALLY BOSS & THEN SOME MORE ! ▹ self promo.

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fakedself:

❛ you’re not cryptid king, you bitch. you’re a cryptid citizen like the rest of us. ❜

       ❛ oh, no. you take that back, bitch. ❜

#fakedself #TO KI I LOVE THEM #I WOUDL D IE

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#dash comm. #u sure jared #are u sure

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blownoffs:

           “Maybe HE’S the one with a fetish.”

        ❛ oh god, you’re right. ❜

#blownoffs #g od

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fakedself:

❛ JAKE FOOT-FETISH DILLINGER. ❜

        ❛ that’s jake CRYPTID KING dillinger, bro. we’ve been over this. ❜

#fakedself #TO KI THIS IS R ID UCLOUS

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         ❛ JARED CRYPTID KLEINMAN. ❜ 

#kik comm. #dash comm. #i'm t ry ing so hard to keep it t goether toki

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◆ —— LILO & STITCH QUOTES STARTER PROMPTS.

’ Why are you all wet? ‘ 

’ Aloha! ’

’ You’re vile. You’re foul. You’re flawed. ' 

’ Ohana means family. Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten. ’

’ If you want to leave, you can. I’ll remember you, though. ’

’ I remember everyone that leaves. ’

’ You! You’re the cause of all this. ’

’ This is my family. I found it all on my own. Is little, and broken, but still good. Ya. Still good. ’

’ Oh, good! My dog found the chainsaw. ’

’ No more caffeine for you. ’

’ Did you lose your job because of me? ' 

’ The managers a vampire. He wanted me to join his legion of the undead. ’

’ Trust me, this isn’t gonna end well. ’

’ I’m sorry I bit you. And pulled your hair. And punched you in the face. ’

’ GIve us a sign you understand any of this. ’

’ Show us that there is something inside you that is good. ’

’ I didn’t teach him that. ’

’ Come on, what’s the big deal? ’

’ Leave my mother out of this. ’

’ You are such a pain. ’

’ Then why don’t you sell me and buy me a rabbit instead? ’

’ I hate it when you use Ohana against me. ’

’ I’m lost. ’

’ Don’t interact with her. ’

’ Oh, we can’t do that. Uh-uh. That would be a misuse of resources. ’

’ Why do you act so weird? ’

’ You look familiar. ’

’ We’re a broken family, aren’t we? ’

’ I shouldn’t have yelled at you. ’

’ You are built to destroy. You can never belong. ’

’ We need something that can defend itself. Something that won’t die. ’

’ I hear you cry at night. ’

’ Do you dream about them? ’

’ You came back. ’

’ Nobody gets left behind. ’

’ I need someone to be my friend. Someone who won’t run away. ' 

’ His destructive programming is taking effect. ’

’ Did you ever kill anyone? ’

’ Are you.. happy? ’

’ I am the one they call when things go wrong and things have, indeed, gone wrong. ’

’ Our family’s little now, and we don’t have many toys. ’

‘ If you want, you could be a part of our family. ’

’ We’d raise you to be good. ’

’ She likes your butt and fancy hair. ’

’ I read her diary. ’

’ Not guilty! My experiments are only theoretical, and completely within legal boundaries. ’

’ He was designed to be a monster, but now he has nothing to destroy. ’

’ I never gave him a greater purpose. ’

’ What must it be like to have nothing, not even memories to look back on in the middle of the night? ’

’ If you promise not to fight anymore, I promise not to yell at you, except on special occasions. ’

’ Stupid head. ’

’ Did you catch fire again? ’

’ This is your badness level. It’s unusually high for someone your size. We have to fix that. ’

’ Don’t leave me, okay? ’

’ Do you want to be taken away? ’

’ You’re just jealous 'cause I’m pretty! ’

’ My friends need to be punished. ’

’ Heard you lost your job. ’

’ Thus far you have been adrift in the sheltered harbor of my patience. ' 

‘ After all you’ve put me through, you expect me to help you just like that? ’

’ He’s very persuasive. ' 

’ I know you had something to do with this. ’

’ Oh, good! I was hoping to add theft, endangerment and insanity to my list of things I did today. ’

’ I prefer to be called evil genius. ’

’ You smell like a lawn mower. ’

’ I have just determined the situation to be far too hazardous! ’

’ Don’t worry. I won’t hit her. ’

’ This is low even for you! ’

’ You are all mine. ’

’ You know I have no choice. ’

‘  Please don’t do this. ’

’ You’re making this harder than it needs to be. ’

’ She needs me. ’

’ Leave me alone to die. ’

’ What is that monstrosity? ’

’ Does this look infected to you? ’

’ You’d better not have rabies. ’

’ Hiding behind your little friend won’t work anymore. ’

’ Didn’t I tell you? We got fired this morning. ’

’ That is the ugliest thing I have ever saw! ’

’ It has no place among us. ’

#✧ ▹ DOES PRINCE CHARMING HAVE A LAST NAME ? ▹ meme. #queue tbt. #i've either been working ; hanging out with friends ; or procrastinating #it's time to change the last one tho tbh

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22. leaning their head on mine’s shoulder tiredly (:

platonic touch more like kill me  |   @setsfire

          the night went relatively well. the small restaurant served as a decent hang up spot  —  or rather the DATE rich had promised him earlier that day. they had met up as the sun was setting, making for a beautiful sight of rich. the soft tones of the sky made soft freckles look like dazzling constellations ( he had to make sure to count them one day )  &  his light hair glowed, but even then, his smile still SHINED BRIGHTER than the setting sun. the entire date, jake found himself DISTRACTED by the smaller boy, hardly bothered by the fact rich had dressed down while he had shown up in a suit  &  tie.

          by the end, his tie was undone  &  top button of his button-up was open. a way to make rich feel a LITTLE MORE comfortable with his attire. besides, it was getting hot  &  frankly, he didn’t want to sweat  &  become a mess in front of the guy of his dreams. it’d make for an awkward ending to the date. 

          it was a few quick swipes before jake had called them an lyft. he didn’t CARE if rich protested that he wanted to pay or walk or WHATEVER. he had to make sure that he got home safe. he wouldn’t forgive himself if he didn’t. once the car showed up, he was quick to open the door for rich, a playful smirk painting his features. he was quick to follow rich inside, closing the door behind him while giving the address. standard procedure. but, what he hadn’t expected was rich leaning over, half - asleep on a broad shoulder. the smirk from before melted to a warm smile. apparently a long night’s out was enough to drain his battery, but it was worth it. a gentle kiss was placed upon a mess of hair. jake lingered, savoring the moment for a few seconds before shifting to rest his head against rich’s. soft hair made for a soft pillow. if he could provide the smaller boy ANY comfort whatsoever, he would be more than happy to do so. his happiness would  A L W A Y S  come before his own.

#setsfire #✧ ▹ CHARMING DEVIL ▹ ask. #remember that ask u answered from a little while ago #bc i do #this got longer than i expected tbh

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Platonic Touch

Sometimes, characters want contact that has nothing to do with sex or violence. Send one of these for your character to reach out to mine.

Shoulder Clasp

Across the Shoulder hug

Hair Ruffle

Gentle headlock

Full body lean

Feet in lap

Head in lap

Hair petting

Ambush hug

Not so ambush hug

Pulling mine into their lap

Cheek kiss

Forehead kiss

Brushing hair out of mine’s face

Fixing shirt collar

Fixing shirt cuffs

Fixing a clothing tag

Tying shoes

Taking off shoes

Carrying while half asleep

Hand holding

Leaning their head on mine’s shoulder tiredly

Absently tracing patterns on the nearest exposed skin

Pushing glasses into place

Offering their drink

Offering their snack

Kissing the back of mine’s hand

Looping their arm around mine’s waist and leaning against mine’s back

Crawling into bed with

Using shoulder as a pillow

Pulling mine’s arm around their shoulder

Hair brushing

Brushing lint off of

Giving a foot massage

Giving a back massage

Giving a scalp massage

Rubbing circles on mine’s back

Sharing a secret smile

Booping the nose

Touching noses together

Resting foreheads together

Resting cheeks together

Sharing a blanket

Taking over mine’s seat while they’re in it

Poking with fingers/toes

Painting mine’s nails

Putting jewelry on mine

Doing mine’s hair

Pinkie promise

High five

Fist bump

Secret handshake

Hipcheck

Pulling mine into a dance

Initiate a tickle fight

#✧ ▹ DOES PRINCE CHARMING HAVE A LAST NAME ? ▹ meme. #me: wants to do things on this blog #also me: does the opposite #anyway whats up i'm dying inside

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GAME GRUMPS SENTENCE STARTERS. 

❝ God, what if we just fucked one day? ❞

❝ Don’t sass me in front of the internet. ❞

❝ Follow your stupid fucking dreams. ❞

❝ Come at me scrub lord, I’m ripped. ❞

❝ I just wanna have sex with space. ❞

❝ Get in the tub with me, daddy. ❞

❝ Will you just relax and let me kill for money? ❞

❝ That sounds like your problem. Fuck you. ❞

❝ Stay in school. Don’t do drugs. Eat your teeth. ❞ 

❝ Make like a tree and fucking die. ❞

❝ Dude just…just pity laugh at least. ❞

❝ Man, Club Penguin’s gotten weird. ❞

❝ We are like the Stephen Kings of stupid. ❞

❝ Why do you enjoy watching me suffer so? ❞

❝ Do I have to jerk you off to blow your mind? ❞

❝ I haven’t had so much fun since I killed my parents. ❞

❝ Unfortunately I had sex with a guy/girl over the weekend. ❞

❝ What’s a vegetarian zombie say? GRAAAAAAAINS. ❞

❝ Revenge is a best dish served fuck you. ❞

❝ Who wears pants anymore? So 2015. ❞

❝ I need an ice cream sandwich and a gentle blowjob. ❞

❝ Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya. ❞

❝ The bananas has gone bad! ❞

❝ I cared for those bananas! I raised them with my own two feet! ❞

❝ Did you know I’m a professional joke? My life is a joke. ❞

❝ What if everyone just had constant helicopter dick? ❞

❝ [ name ], does getting me wet fill you with determination? ❞

❝ I can’t prove that someone ISN’T a reptilian. ❞

❝ Wouldn’t it be funny if, like, you lost a family member? ❞

❝ These balls are coming at me fast and furious. It’s like that movie, ‘Speed’. ❞ 

❝ Call me One Direction ‘cause my relevancy is dropping by the day. ❞ 

❝ One time I killed a person and I didn’t report it to the police. ❞

❝ I wanna take a girl to the Grand Canyon, fuck her, and throw her in. ❞ 

❝ Nothing like a gunshot wound to the face to really mellow someone out. ❞ 

❝ If I can’t be the best, I sure as hell can be the worst! ❞ 

❝ [ name ], I’m on a date with a guy/girl right now and you’re embarrassing me. ❞

❝ I’ve made a decision. I’m gonna in the kitchen, gonna open the dishwasher, and I’m gonna climb inside. ❞

❝ I do apologize for my actions, even though they were totally and completely justified. ❞

❝ I could pee on this couch, right now, no problem, while looking you directly in the eyes.❞ 

❝ Look, you tell a couple jokes as a dad and suddenly everyone’s like ‘you’re making dad jokes.’ ❞

❝ All of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are blue, except for three of them. And there are four. ❞ 

❝ And Abraham said unto Moses, ‘Bro, dude, aliens.’ ❞

❝ I’m gonna throw you out the window. We don’t even have any windows in this room…I’m gonna carve out a window and throw you through it. ❞ 

❝ DO IT YOU SACK OF SHIT! – Sorry. That didn’t come out as encouraging as I meant it to. ❞

❝ [ name ], if there’s one thing I can be totally honest about, it’s that I would happily lie to your face.❞

❝ If I took pole-dancing, I would be worried that it would be too erotic for everybody else. ❞

❝ Next time we make love, [ name ], would you please refer to me as your sweet cakey treasure? ❞   

❝ I try to show at least one other human-being my butt hole every single day. ❞

❝ The only people who don’t like sluts are the people who don’t get any. ❞ 

❝ Have you ever though of a career in driving people fucking insane? Because you are already a PRO at it. ❞ 

❝ I am actively looking for ways to get you to shut the fuck up. ❞

❝ First of all, you have to stop calling it ‘Mary Jane.’ That’s the first rule of stonerdom. People will think you’re a fucking narc. ❞

❝ First of all, no one says ‘pot-eyes’, you fuckin’ narc. ❞

❝ If by OK you mean like on the inside I’m just going ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!’ then yes, I’m quite OK ❞

❝ When you walk outside there are three elements of nature that you must avoid: snow, wind, and bees. ❞ 

❝ Could you imagine if you unlocked outfits in real life? Like, “Congratulations you wiped your ass, here’s a new shirt.” ❞

#✧ ▹ DOES PRINCE CHARMING HAVE A LAST NAME ? ▹ meme. #did i hear game grumps #nsfw // #daddy kink // #i guess????

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Well someone had to draw Jake in a dress…

#✧ ▹ THE BLACK SHEEP OF THE FAMILY ▹ self. #if u think he wouldn't wear a dress ur wrong #especially if someone was like 'u totally wouldn't rock a dress'

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hmu with some asks while i work on a few things!

#✧ ▹HELLA WEAK & HELLA SLOW ▹ ooc. #only if u want to tho #i'd appreciate it but you don't have to

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setsfire.

    never  much  use  at  COMFORT,  rich  shifts  his  weight  from  one  foot  to  the  other,  avoiding  eye  contact  on  REFLEX.    ❛    man.  fuckin’…  PARENTS,  right?      ❜      to  an  outsider,  they’re  two  boys  bemoaning  some  offhand  trouble  at  home  —  they  both  know  it’s  more  than  that.   ❛    dude,  if  you  ever  need,  uh,  COMPANY…      ❜      

          ❛ yeah, good old parents. ❜ a sigh fell from jake’s lips, shoulders raising briefly in a shrug. sometimes he wondered what it was like to have DECENT parents  ---  or any parents AT ALL that weren’t his or rich’s. but, he knew he could never linger on those thoughts ; life was FINE without them. ❛ thanks, rich. i appreciate it, but i don’t know if i’ll ever NEED it. you’re welcome to come over whenever, though. ❜

#setsfire #✧ ▹ V : RICH KID ; ASSHOLE ▹ pre show. #i can't believe i'm just rich?????

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leg machine broke

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Rich.

    voice  is  quiet,  and  yet  VOID  of  pity  or  sympathy  —  instead,  it’s  understanding  in  the  look  rich  throws  jake’s  way,  however  fleeting  it  may  be.    ❛    they’re  still  not  HOME,  man?      ❜      

          ❛ nope. honestly, i can’t even REMEMBER the last time they were home. ❜ voice lacked any HINT of care. he was doing just fine without his parents so, why should he waste time mourning over their absence ?  they were never around when he wanted them & he learned to grow numb to it.

#setsfire #✧ ▹ V : RICH KID ; ASSHOLE ▹ pre show. #will i ever properly word tags? probably not tbh #anyway #who??? i don't know her sorry #the lyrics came from a hit song by juvenile delinquent

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THE OLD BOY DOES IT AGAIN! “AirBud vs.” meme’s represent possibly the hottest investment opportunity this quarter (make sure to dump before earnings).

#✧ ▹A TRUE INSPIRATION ▹ airbud. #and in the distance u can hear jake yelling ' kick their ass airbud '

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jake’s squip!

#✧ ▹A TRUE INSPIRATION ▹ airbud. #bich u thought