the-smallest-gremlin

[the-smallest-gremlin]

i'm drunk but i'm sitting out on my porch and this dude just says hi as he's walking by and i told him i appreciate him and he said the same thing back at me and like wtf just happened??????????

#to the void #no one is gonna give a shit about this lmao #i'm too fucked up to care #i have had barely any sleep #and calling badger over and over again #leaving voicemails saying 'we're done if you don't pick up' #'cause i'm about done with life in general #i had to use my credit card to pay for alcohol #but this whole interaction is so mind boggling for me #and my tummy hurts #i'm drinking white claw #and barely any food in my body #hoping that badger will call me back when he's done #his phone is old and i just needed him all day #i've been running on 9 hours of asleep between the last two days #my coworker took his frustration out at me #and i almost fucking lost it right then and there ar him #fuck me #i'm so tired and done and i just want to be so so done #the-smallest-gremlin

[the-smallest-gremlin]

does anyone know how to fix skinny fat? like, i've lost 20 pounds in 2 months and my body has lost more muscle than fat and i just feel like such a shapeless blob and just as squishy as i was when i was at my highest...

#i got a cute dress that's got thin straps for my anniversary date with badger #it highlights how big and loose my arms are #i hate having an eating disorder #i fucking hate it all! #the-smallest-gremlin #not pro #just using tags #tw ana rant #eating disoder trigger warning #tw ana shit #anorexic #anorexia #ana dairy #eating disorder #tw ed vent

[the-smallest-gremlin]

hearts in trees ♡

[the-smallest-gremlin]

shitty vent art

[the-smallest-gremlin]

[the-smallest-gremlin]

I'm fucking exhausted

[the-smallest-gremlin]

i just wanna cut everyone off and rot away in my bed

[the-smallest-gremlin]

in the cold light of morning

[the-smallest-gremlin]

[the-smallest-gremlin]

hm. i feel terrified of everything. surely large ice coffee will ease this terror. surely

[the-smallest-gremlin]

staying up late: hehe

waking up tired as fuck: not hehe

[the-smallest-gremlin]

ig: @mattersofb

[the-smallest-gremlin]

[the-smallest-gremlin]

[the-smallest-gremlin]

opening tumblr whenever i get hungry like a soldier in war gazing lovingly at a photo of his wife

[the-smallest-gremlin]

absolutely criminal how falling into bad habits is the easiest thing in the world while developing positive habits feels like fighting a literal war

[the-smallest-gremlin]

he still needs space and time to heal. i hope to lose 5+ pounds during that time. i don't care anymore. i don't give a shit anymore...

i'm going through some shit with badger. he wants space and i am more than happy to give it to him. the space gives me the chance to lose more weight. i'm at ~130 pounds and i have already lost 20 pounds over about a 6 month period. i bet you i can get it down even more...i don't know how long badger will need space. i hope that it's until the end of april to give me time to shrink more.

i know that i should try and look after myself and i will emotionally. just not the rest lmao!

#i'm so tired of fighting all of this #i was so happy but now i feel myself cracking #the-smallest-gremlin