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therealpontius · 11 months
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Me reading back on my fics bc i havent written in ages
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therealpontius · 1 year
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I FOLLOW U ON TIK TOK CAN WE BE GUITAR MUTUALS I WANNA POST MY GUITAR STUFF TOO
YES BB OFC JUST COMMENT ON MY RECENT VIDEO AND ILL FOLLOW YOU BACK <3
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therealpontius · 1 year
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You mentioned in the no nut November smut with johnny, possibly doing a reversed one where the reader is dared to do it? Love your stories, and I hope you keep writing! ❣
your tables were easy to turn - j.k
quite smutty, btw!
this is bad, dont come for me. i tried to write this and then rewrite it over such a long time, so that's why. it is the first chapter in probably a longer series. i'll see what happens! hope they will be better, though!
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You and Johnny had anything but an average sex life. In fact, it was probably way above average. You craved each other all the time, and you made no effort at trying to hide it from anyone.
Not from friends or even the general public. Some couples found the whole public display of affection uncomfortable. You were definitely not one of them.
But the Jackass crew, they’d seen just about everything, if not too much of everything.
Every now and then, you and Johnny would disappear and no one questioned where you'd gone, or what you were doing. You were fucking, and you were willing to do it whenever and wherever.
“Honestly PJ, your ideas are sick,” you remarked through heavy breaths as Johnny mindlessly moved his lips against your neck, teeth grazing the sensitive skin.
He didn’t answer you, but merely grabbed your ass and hoisted you onto the small table, lips still attached to your neck.
“Try to be quiet, yeah?” Johnny reminded you for the fourth time since the two of you had snuck into a small storage room on set. You were usually claustrophobic, and the barely two square meters room would’ve, in any other situation, sent you straight into a panic attack, but when Johnny had started touching and grabbing you all over, you’d had other things to worry about.
Johnny reached down and pulled his boxers out, his erect and needy cock springing out. You smiled excitedly and wrapped your legs tightly around Johnny’s waist, bringing him in even closer than before.
He snuck his hand down between your legs and managed to pull your panties to the side, despite the room being as dark as it was.
You let out a loud, high-pitched squeal when Johnny slid his index finger into your soaked cunt. He shot you a warning look and grumbled, reminding you to be quiet again.
He worked his finger in and out of you, making sure that you were wet and ready for his cock. You whined impatiently, even though you knew that Johnny was doing it for your good. So that you could enjoy the whole of his cock without pain or any discomfort.
Unfortunately, because of the limited space, serious foreplay wasn’t really an option, so Johnny brought his hand to his mouth and you watched as he licked his fingers and brought them back to your cunt, lubricating it fully.
He brought the tip of his cock to your soaked opening and gazed into your eyes. “Ready?” Johnny whispered and you nodded eagerly and smiled, preparing yourself by grabbing his shoulders tightly.
Johnny's hand went to cover your mouth the second he pushed his cock into you, knowing all too well that you couldn’t bite a moan back, even if your life depended on it.
Johnny was pushing inside of you at an animalistic pace, his whole length filling you up completely.
Johnny removed his hand for a short second to rearrange your legs, and already, you were a moaning, whimpering mess.
“Fuck-Ah!” You yelled out when Johnny hit that sweet spot. He quickly slapped his palm over your mouth once again and shushed you. “I told you to be quiet!” He hissed under his breath and pumped recklessly in and out of you.
“I-I-I can’t,” you managed to mutter under his hand, tears streaming down your face, due to the indescribable pleasure of Johnny’s cock.
“Bite my shoulder,” Johnny whispered and you gazed at him, confused. "Either that or my hand's going back over your mouth; you decide," Johnny grumbled. His hand over your mouth barely allowed you to breathe, so you did as he'd told you and bit down on his clothed shoulder. Your nails were clawing into his back, and you sniffled softly against him.
As his thrusts got sloppier but deeper, you could feel an orgasm forming, slowly and powerfully.
“I-I’m gonna c-“
“Jesus Christ!”
Johnny instinctively threw himself over you completely to shield your naked body from whoever had just interrupted him blowing your back out.
“Get the fuck out of here!” Johnny bellowed, still inside of you as turned his head to spot Steve-O in the doorway, shaking his head and chuckling.
“Could you two just try to keep it in your pants for two fucking seconds?” Steve-O asked angrily and dispersed, slamming the door roughly.
Johnny had stopped his movements, but your hips buckled against his in an attempt to get him to move again, but he pulled out of you, and it caused a loud, displeased whine to leave your lips.
“Johnny!” You hissed as he started putting his clothes on angrily, his eyes focused on the door.
"Johnny, you cannot be serious! I was this clo-"
"We'll continue later," Johnny shut you down, seemingly pissed off as he headed towards the door.
“Where are you going?” You yelped and jumped down from the table.
“Just put on your clothes!” He ordered you and headed out of the storage room, leaving you all alone after slamming the door.
You could hear a commotion in the break room, and when you entered it, Johnny and Steve-O were staring at each other intensely, eyebrows furrowed and all.
“How about you don’t just fucking barge in?” Johnny asked angrily, to which Steve-O rolled his eyes and sighed.
“It’s a workplace, dumbass! None of us wants to see you guys going at it every day!” Steve-O exclaimed. You placed a hand on Johnny's bicep and squeezed it. He looked at you shortly, shaking his head.
“We’ve only just started shooting and you guys are already fucking in the storage room?” Steve-O huffed. “You literally cannot keep your hands off each other, it’s gross.”
For some reason, that comment got under your skin a bit more and you took a step forward.
You were an adult, who could absolutely control herself, and you could prove it too.
“Bet.”
Johnny stiffened up at your word and jerked his head back.
He knew how competitive you could be, and compared with Steve-O’s inability to lose, this could only end badly.
“What are we betting?” Johnny asked. He already knew, but he wished to be proven wrong.
“Okay, fine,” Steve-O perked up a bit, loving the idea of a challenge, where the odds were 100% in his favour. “One month, no touching,” Steve-O smirked.
“Absolutely fucking not,” Johnny sneered and grabbed your arm, trying to pull you away from the conversation.
“A month is too long. Two weeks,” you negotiated, yanking your arm from Johnny's tight grip. Steve-O shrugged and nodded.
“Fucking hold up,” Johnny paused and pinched your arm to make you look at him.
“What the fuck are you doing?” He hissed quietly and passed Steve-O an angry glare.
“I can do three weeks, but when I say no touching, I mean; no touching,” Steve-O smirked.
Now, you understood. This man was really pushing your buttons.
“Fine,” you agreed and narrowed your eyes at him.
“But, if we make it three weeks, you’re never going to bother us again about fucking again, ever.”
Steve-O paused and considered what he would be giving up if you managed to pull off the bet.
“Fine, but if I win, you can’t fuck here, or while I’m even in a mile’s radius of you.”
There was a wicked look in Steve-O’s eyes. If he won, he’d no doubt be ruthless and unfair.
There was a whole lot at stake. But the chance of being able to do whatever you wanted with Johnny, wherever you wanted, without Steve-O’s commentary was too good to pass up.
“Deal.” 
“Oh, so I don’t get a say in it? Cool, 'cause this obviously doesn’t affect me at all,” Johnny chimed in, clearly agitated. 
“Okay, but how nice would it be if he couldn’t say shit about us,” you quirked an eyebrow at Johnny and he sighed, running a hand through his hair, ultimately shaking his head in dissent.
"We're not doing this sh-"
Steve-O interrupted Johnny with a grin and looked at his watch. “Alright, it’s 13:20. Time starts now. Good luck,” he jibed and walked away, leaving you and Johnny in the break room.
You could clearly sense, that he was angry at you, and you understood why, but your competitiveness seemed to overtake any feelings of remorse, guilt and regret.
You looked at Johnny and bit your lip, well aware that you'd messed up badly. He crossed his arms and breathed out heavily.
"Do you have any idea about what you've just done?" Johnny asked you, and a cheeky smile formed upon your lips. "I don't find this funny at all, Y/N."
Your smile quickly disappeared and you frowned at Johnny's genuine disappointment.
“I think you should head home,” he spoke. This was not a question or a nice suggestion, it was an order.
You frowned and watched as Johnny spun on his heels and left you with an awful sense of guilt.
-
Johnny stared at you exasperated, his arms crossed over his broad chest.
You sipped your wine and raised your eyebrow at him.
"Don't you think you've had enough wine?" Johnny asked and followed the wine glass with his stare as you placed it back down on the table.
You'd gone out after leaving Johnny's work. You and a couple of girlfriends had met up. Safe to say, Johnny had to pick you up from the bar.
"Why are you still so pissed off? Chill out," you hiccupped and sighed.
"Why?
"What the fuck happened to listen to each other, Y/N? I'm so pissed at you right now," Johnny growled as you stared down at your plate of food. For the 100th time that day, Johnny was having a go at you, this time, over dinner.
He'd been scolding you from the moment he'd arrived home from work. You'd grown numb to his outbursts, slightly starting to feel that the man deserved to not get any sex from you with that temper of his. Besides, he didn't need to scold you, because you already felt awful, but were you going to give up and let Steve-O win? Fuck no.
Johnny couldn't take the silence for much longer. He twitched and fiddled around in his chair, before eventually slamming his palm into the dining table.
"I have to be on set with that asshole every day for the next four months, Y/N! You fucking ganged up on me with Steve-O?"
Steve-O had been enjoying the rest of the work day by regularly passing Johnny mocking grins and asking how you were doing.
“I think we should make a list,” you suggested and Johnny stopped chewing on his lamb chop and looked at you with a raised eyebrow.
“What?” He asked and stared at you, bitter and indeed confused.
You reached down into your bag and pulled out a sheet of paper and a pen. "You know, of things, we can't or shouldn't do. Just to make this easier," you shrugged.
You were convinced, that your confidence would come to bite you in the ass later on, but you were doing just fine.
"I don't think, that we don't sleep in the same bed," you said casually but jumped when Johnny protested with a loud yelp.
He stared at you bewildered and shook his head at your proposal.
"I'm just saying; it'll be easier if we don't sleep in the same bed. That way, we won't get tempted by anything," you explained and ignored Johnny's rolling eyes.
"Do you not see how fucking ridiculous this is? We're a couple, Y/N! Couples have sex, so why are you suddenly insistent on not letting me touch you for three weeks?" Johnny asked, so frustrated that he just couldn't sit for another second. He stood up and paced back and forth.
You were starting to get irritated with Johnny. Yes, you fucked up, badly, but your man was force-feeding you with guilt trips and self-pity, and it had made you feel slightly less guilty about the whole thing.
"Grow up, Johnny! It's three weeks. You'll survive," you sassed and wrote down sleeping in opposite beds as the first thing on your list.
"This is fucking ridiculous," he hissed and you stared at him. "No, Johny; you're fucking ridiculous," you snapped. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to the bar with Penny. I don't know when I'll be home," you hissed, hearing Penny's car out front.
"You're not going anywhere until we've figured this out, Y/N!" Johnny exclaimed. You grabbed your purse and headed for the door. "Come and catch me then," you said sarcastically and closed the door behind you.
You told your friend all about the bet, who seemed to find it as amusing as Steve-O. You needed a break from Johny and his understandable, but annoying pissy attitude.
You drank and then drank a little more. Maybe a little too much, but you were having fun. You weren't exactly excited to return home though, but you hoped that Johnny would be fast asleep.
-
Penny dropped you off after a few hours at the bar. You had a wine bottle in your hand, half-drunken.
The lights were still on in the house. How fantastic.
You entered the house and immediately, you could hear the sound of the shower going. You sipped from the wine bottle and walked to the bathroom, opened the door and walked into the steamy room.
Usually, you would be in there with him, back against the wall as he'd mercilessly pound you into submission. Tonight was not one of those nights.
A hiccup from you made Johnny turn off the shower and he peeked out to see your drunken state. He sighed and shook his head.
"For fuck's sake, Y/N," he groaned and walked out of the shower, naked and glistening like some Greek god.
You licked your lips as your eyes travelled down his body. He wrapped a towel around his waist, and it made you snap your eyes up to meet his.
"You know how many fucking times I tried to call?" Johnny asked you and grabbed the wine bottle in your hand, placing it out of your reach, You whined at crossed your arms.
"My phone died," you said. That was a lie. You'd just decided, that you didn't wanna deal with Johnny's bullshit while you were having fun.
"How did you get home?" He asked you. "Penny drove me," you responded.
He looked so good, it was almost painful. The bet hadn't even crossed your mind when you decided to wrap your arms around his naked upper body, placing soft kisses on his chest. Your hand moved down to unwrap the towel from his waist.
"Y/N, you're drunk," Johnny said and unwrapped your arms from his body. "So what?" You whined and began to lower yourself.
He really wanted to, but he couldn't bring himself to have sex with you while you were that drunk. Johnny pulled you up by your arms and shook his head like a disapproving father while handing you your toothbrush.
"You'll thank me tomorrow," he commented. You shrugged, too tired to think of what that could've meant.
You brushed your teeth drunkenly and stripped yourself of your clothes.
You walked into the bedroom and watched as Johnny removed his pillow from the bed and began to exit the room.
"What are you doing?" You asked confused. He stopped in his tracks and turned around. "You wanted us to sleep separately, remember?" Johnny asked.
You didn't have a recollection of ever saying that. "I would never say that," you huffed. Johnny chuckled. "If you say so," he sighed and placed his pillow back on the bed and laid down.
He closed his eyes and turned off the lights, but you kept standing, arms crossed.
"Jooohnnyyy," you whined and he hummed in response.
You sat down on the bed and leaned over Johnny, planting kisses on his neck and down his shoulder, but you didn't reach very far before he shook you off. "Stop, Y/N," he groaned tiredly.
"But, Johnny," you whimpered. "No, Y/N," he tiredly groaned and grabbed your arm, softly forcing you to lay down beside him, his embrace keeping you locked in.
You wanted him so badly and the only thing keeping Johnny from fucking you, was how drunk you were.
The whole night was spent with you waking up occasionally, trying to twist yourself out of Johnny's embrace because you either wanted to drink more or because you were incredibly horny.
Eventually, you just gave up and slept through the night.
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therealpontius · 1 year
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Sorry for lack of posts exams have been a kick in the ass but when i feel up for it ill start writing again, i did start a cheeky wee james x lars x dave fic that i was almost done so that might be the next one to come out
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therealpontius · 1 year
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lying ab ur age is still fucked up tho ????😭😭😭
I apologised and came clean about it, nothing more i can do🤷🏻‍♀️
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therealpontius · 1 year
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I want him to go feral and eat me alive
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therealpontius · 1 year
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Whos got weed x
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therealpontius · 1 year
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Im so disappointed in bam
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therealpontius · 1 year
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God i just want what they have
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therealpontius · 1 year
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👀
JUST REALISED I SPELT KIRK WRONG OMGRGOENF
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therealpontius · 1 year
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Why arent they far off
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Danzig got his tits out bruh
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therealpontius · 1 year
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Fuck it im writing a james acaster fic
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therealpontius · 1 year
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SQUIRREL!!
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therealpontius · 1 year
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Birthday surprise
Your boyfriends being a cutie patootie
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You wake up at 10 am alone in bed, worried because chris wasnt asleep with a puddle of drool next to you as he always was. You get up and rub your eyes, checking his pillow you see a drool mark which means hes still home hes probably just up early.
You walk down the stairs as quite as you can with full intent to give him a fright, luckily none of your stairs where creaky. "Yeah mom i got her flowers.... Will i make her breakfast? Shes still sleeping... okay good idea, ill send your birthday wishes to her. Love you mom, bye!" You overhear from his guitar 'office' wait shit. Its your birthday.
You hear chris strumming the few chords there is in happy birthday and giggling like a child before getting up and walking to the kitchen, you remained at the top of the stairs as silent as you could be. You couldnt help but tear up at how much effort he was putting into this. You sneak back upstairs and head to bed trying to make yourself look like you are asleep not to ruin his surprise.
30 minutes later you hear chris sneaking up stairs trying to contain his giggles, he crept in silently and placed the breakfast tray down on your drawers without making a sound.
Suddenly the loud sound of him strumming up and down the intro to wake you up filled your ears giving you a genuine fright so you jumped up, looking at your boyfriend who was now stood in a rainbow poncho, rose in his mouth and an acoustic guitar in his hands "happy birthday baby" he gently passes you the rose and you take it, speachless, and smile up at him, face beaming pink "hhhhhhhaaaaaaapyyyyyy" he sings long "birthday to you happy birthday to you..." his speed quickens fast as he dances around, playing the chords to the song that was played thousands of times everyday, every year but was still special for everyone who heard it.
When he finishes the song you clap wildly and cheer for him "thankyou so much baby!" You go to get out of bed when he runs over and pushes you back down onto it "not yet!" He takes off his guitar, leaning it against the wall and runs over to the drawers, bringing you the tray carefully.
Chris had made monkey shape pancakes with a side of blueberries, raspberries and strawberries and a large coffee. Your favourite.
You spent the morning with him, cuddled up, watching the mighty boosh.
God your lucky
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therealpontius · 1 year
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Party Boy in Shining Armor
Chris Pontius x Fem reader fluff
Warnings: one curse word
Word count: 666
Request: Can you write a fluff fic of Chris and Fem reader when she had a bad day? Like since he’s the funny one of the cast, he’ll say funny stuff and be extra with it just to make her laugh? I think that would be adorable! 
So far, today had been like a series of unfortunate events. First, your alarm didn’t go off, so you woke up late. Then, you spilled hot coffee on yourself, which burned your arm and stained your new shirt. Finally, after getting changed and heading to the studio, you were walking through the parking lot in the pouring rain with Chris by your side. His bright and sunny disposition was just starting to improve your mood when you slipped, twisting your ankle and landing in a deep puddle. “Oh shit, are you okay?” Chris hurried to your aid as tears filled your eyes and spilled out onto your cheeks. “Today literally couldn’t get any worse.” He knelt beside you, wiping your tears with the pad of his thumb. “Here, let me help you up. I’m sure they have a change of clothes inside in the wardrobe department or something.” Chris gently helped you to your feet, draping your arm over his shoulders and supporting most of your body weight. He held your umbrella over the both of you until you reached the building, where he opened the door and helped you through. “Sit right here, I’ll grab the medic to take a look at your ankle and see if I can find you some clothes.” He guided you into a chair and took off on his mission.
You were on your phone when the sound of his voice made you look up. He stood in front of you wearing the American flag Party Boy speedo and matching bowtie. You couldn’t help but giggle at the sight and he smiled back at you, happy to have made you laugh. “Okay, so the medic is coming in a couple of minutes with some ice for your ankle, and there were no actual clothes that aren’t part of a costume, so I thought you could just wear these. I swear they’re mostly clean, I’ve only been wearing them for…uhhh…3 days now.” He tallied up the days on his fingers before grinning and handing you the pile of sloppily folded clothes. “Very funny, Chris. For real though, thank you.” You stood gingerly on your ankle and hobbled a few feet away to a spare room to change. His camo cargo shorts were a little too long and his tee shirt was baggy, but you were thankful to be in warm, dry clothes. As an added bonus, they smelled faintly like him. The mixed scent of cigarette smoke, sweat, and cheap cologne made you feel warm and comforted, like he was wrapping you in a hug.
As the day unfolded and various bits were being filmed, Chris, still dressed in his Party Boy attire, was constantly somewhere in the background of each frame doing something extra goofy. After each crazy antic, you’d catch him glancing your way to see if it made you laugh. His plan was working, and your day was slowly but surely getting better. By the end of the day, you were all smiles as Chris walked with you to your car. You stopped beside the car and turned to face him. “Thank you for everything today. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.” You leaned up and kissed his cheek. His suntanned cheeks flushed a light shade of pink and he grinned. “Does this mean I’m your Party Boy in shining armor?” You giggled at his question and nodded. “I guess so.” He looked thoughtful for a second, as if he had something deep and meaningful to say. “You know, I wasn’t kidding about wearing those clothes for 3 days. So you might wanna take a shower when you get home.” You burst out laughing and playfully smacked his arm. “You looked like you were gonna say something serious!” He laughed with you. “Personal hygiene is a very serious thing!” After a few more minutes of banter, you said your goodbyes for the day and headed home, Party Boy dancing in your mind the whole way.
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therealpontius · 1 year
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you are not 18 </3
Okay im soz i did lie but i felt so guilty afterwards i just didnt want people to think different about my storys bc its my fav pass time and i dont want to be writing without an audience
I am only 16 but that is the legal age of consent in scotland so its not too weird if you think of it like that but i understand if you do, once again im sorry for telling a fibber i just dont wanna loose an audience 😭
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therealpontius · 1 year
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Im supposed to be getting an operation at 2pm and its 6am and i cant sleep at all from anxiety
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