thewickedstoicwitch

[thewickedstoicwitch]

Unfortunate events at work

Today I met a very unhappy individual at work. I work in food service where people are generally uncaring of workers and sometimes rude. This afternoon, a middle aged woman walked in to our empty shop and started looking at some of our products. Where I work, it is required to wear a mask or face covering when entering into a business (duh, COVID). I immediately noticed that she was wearing a headband across her nose and mouth, which 1) was very small and 2) does not provide much protection, if any. So I told her, ‘Ma’am, we have some masks on top of the case over there, if you want to wear one,’ as some people simply forget their masks at home and try to fashion one out of what they have on hand. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, ‘Why would I need a mask if I’m already wearing a face covering.’ I replied ‘Oh, it just looked like a headband to me’ because... it was literally a headband. This then set her off. ‘You know, you shouldn’t be telling me to wear a face mask, if I’m already wearing a face covering, you shouldn’t even be talking to me. This is the third time that I’ve been told this and I’m tired of it. It isn’t even a law [to wear face masks], it’s just a mandate.’ My coworker then tried to chime in and help, saying, ‘Oh, well it just makes us feel more comfortable, as employees.’ This seemed to anger her further. She went off about the CDC guidelines, asking us if we had read all of the documents (? what?) and if we hadn't, then we had no idea what we were talking about. She said that we were only listening to the media and following whatever they said blindly (again, what?). She kept talking and talking and getting more angry without giving us any room to speak or ask her to leave. I don’t remember exactly everything that she said because my I was entering fight or flight mode and my adrenaline was pumping. After a few minutes of mean ramblings I gently told her, ‘Ma’am, you don’t have to be rude.’ She then finished whatever she was saying, put down the product she was holding, and walked out the door, screaming (and I mean screaming)  ‘UNBELIEVABLE’ as she crossed the threshold. My coworkers and I stood there in shock. A few moments later, another customer came in and asked why an angry lady was ranting and raving outside. We gave her the gist and she replied, ‘Yeah, she was being super b*tchy in the parking lot.’ As I helped the customer, angry lady returned, took a picture of the box of masks on the case, took a picture of me and my coworkers, and walked out again, this time yelling, ‘ILLEGAL’. Ma’am, the only illegal thing that has happened is you taking pictures of me on private property without my permission. I joked to one of my coworkers, asking them what Facebook group we would end up on tonight. 

This was the first time I had experienced anything remotely this rude or shocking from a customer. I truly didn’t think people behaved like this in real life. I’ve known toddlers with better behavior and decorum. It’s unfortunate to see people so wrapped up in their own -white- privilege that they think being asked to wear a mask is an infringement on their rights, life, or liberty. The lack of empathy is truly troubling; they are unable to think beyond their own wants and desires to consider how their behavior affects others. What a sad, lonely life. I write this now to get it out of my head and onto digital paper because I don’t think people like this deserve any of my energy or time. I’m not really even angry at the lady, she was reacting in the only way she knew how - without empathy, without critical thinking, without control, without grace. The only lasting feeling I have towards her is pity. 

[thewickedstoicwitch]

Begin again

I realize dedicating my blog to only two areas of study is foolhardy. I actually need this to be a place where I can express myself totally. I’m currently struggling (again) with my identity and I want to use to forum as a public diary to help better understand myself. I suppose that’s always what blogs have been, public diaries. We all need an ego, don’t we. 

Today I started doing things. I think the trick to play on yourself, when you feel stuck or hopeless or anxious or all three, as I commonly do, is to simply do. Don’t make a list, don’t stress over what the most important thing to do is, just do. Like Nike, but with less soulless corporate influence. I’ll just call it simply do. My simply do of the day was to take pictures of the clothes that I’m selling online. I’ve been putting this off for months because of moving, because of lighting, because of tiredness but today, I simply did it. And it feels good. I often forget to celebrate my accomplishment because there’s something else to do, always, but recognizing your feats and recognizing your work is super important. So to celebrate I sat and enjoyed some tea and scrolled on reddit. 

Which brought me back to this blog. I’ve been in my little reddit bubble of simply living, decluttering, organization, self reliance, flipping, etc, way too much. It’s reached the point where I’m more interested in reading about other people organizing or living simply than I am in actually implementing it in my own life. I really want to work on that because I want to appreciate the time that I have on this planet and reach the end of my life with no regrets. Anxiety about death and about bad things happening to me have been at the forefront of my mind for a few years now and I want to work on overcoming that. I’m only in my twenties so death isn’t as immediate a threat as for some, but we live in a world ravaged by a global pandemic and climate change and structural failures that threaten a balanced and healthy life. Being human means fragility and risk, so why not enjoy it in the meantime? I listened to a podcast recently and the interviewee was talking about race relations in the U.S. She was saying that she would rather live as an optimist and trust people, even though she knows that people will let her down and betray her. Her thought was that it’s better to live trusting in people and then being let down rather than being suspicious of people and nervous, and then being let down. So really, it’s all about mindset. I know that I’m not being very original here or stating things that have never been said before; I find it helpful to work through these ideas in my own head and on -digital- paper because it helps guide my own personal philosophy. 

Last thought. One of the concerns that often gets mulled around in my head, to the point of obsessive thought, is my sexuality. If I had to choose a label, it would be bisexual because I am sexually attracted to both men and women. Of course, labels are scary, especially in an area like sexuality that should be treated more like a spectrum. I guess I get caught up in the idea, like many bi people do, that I’m either fooling myself or don’t know what I really want - basically that I’m lying to myself and that I’m gay. Even though I know this to be objectively false - I’ve had many male partners and enjoy having male partners- this idea never seems to get fully unstuck from my psyche. A part of it may be that I’ve never had a long time female partner or much experience in that realm and that I feel like I’m missing out. However, I’m currently in a long term committed relationships with a man and don’t see that changing any time soon because I’m happy with him. He happens to have traditionally feminine features which makes me even more insecure. I often remind myself that he is a man because sometimes my brain wants to play the game ‘well what if he was a woman’. The game doesn’t really make sense to me either but does elicit anxious feelings. Anyways, I’m not sure what the point of this rant is. I think it may boil down to my own insecurities about how I present and how I interpret my own feelings (very poorly) but it’s something I needed to get off my chest. Sorry to end on such a strange note.

Thanks to the void for listening. 

[thewickedstoicwitch]

Intentions

Always start with intentions. Look, I’m already learning. 

Hey there. I’m Rey and I’m a budding baby witch and stoic. I intend on documenting my study of witchcraft and stoicism within this forum, mostly as a project for myself to stay motivated and disciplined but also to provide resources and a space for others who find themselves on a similar path. I intend on contributing to this blog twice a week with synopsis's of what I’ve learned, some practices that I’ve implemented into my own life, and all the of the challenges that arise - one of them quite possibly being how to come out of the broom closet to friends and family. An additional goal is to improve my writing, as one of my dream career paths is being a writer. Hopefully this attempt will be successful and I would love to meet some inspiring people along the way. I’ll fluff out these first few weeks with more of my personal story, as if the void actually cares, but the nature of these two disciplines are deeply personal and I hope a lot of my character will come through in my writing style and practical application stories. One last disclaimer - I don't want to limit the scope of this blog to these two disciplines, as we are all complex and interesting individuals, so there might be other posts about my other interests in the veins of spirituality or wellbeing or self-care or cats. In the interest of brevity, thanks for checking out my blog and please feel free to reach out, either through Tumblr or through email (which I can give out in personal PMs). Have a blessed day. 

- Rey 

#witchcraft #stoicism #personal journey #research #writing