thewordsofanerd

[thewordsofanerd]

shark week got me so fucked up i keep blowing shit way out of proportion...

#deadass one more thing that pisses me off and i'm leaving this vc with the bf and gf(?) #feel so pathetic and petty about it but fuck #twice i have missed out on shenanigans because i fell back to fucking sleep

[thewordsofanerd]

ahhh,,, playing the middleman once again

#playful arguing between the bf and our fwb(?) took a different turn #and now bf is annoyed. and fwb is confused as to how theyre the one in the wrong #and i am in the middle. taking bf's side of course #if only cause i'd be the same in that situation

[thewordsofanerd]

tired...

#being rejected by 3 jobs almost back to back to back really knocked the wind out of my sails #kinda fucking cried in a vc with the bf because his presence is comforting to the point where i dont have to hold back tears #and also probably cried because i want to be in his arms #stupid fucking atlantic ocean #at least soon will i get help with my passport application #and some other shit before i get to visit

[thewordsofanerd]

fucking hungry and i feel like shit so i'm constantly flip flopping between actually eating comfort food or staying hungry

#bf and i got bailed on by our fwb(?) without a goddamn word #so we're still a little salty #and had a long convo on like deciding to be direct and talk to them about what we'd want out of this #AND i have some sort of webinar to attend tomorrow that i want to commit to bc i could finally get a job #AND i had a nightmare about my mum too.ld #mentally in the trenches rn

[thewordsofanerd]

want to peel myself off this mortal plane....

#i'm so tired of this planet #and i'm tired of the festering dysphoria abd insecurity and jelousy going on rn #and i'm tired of being stuck at fucking home

[thewordsofanerd]

losing my mind by tweaking my cv in the middle of the night ayooooo

#we love impulsivity in this household

[thewordsofanerd]

ahhh now shark week's getting to me

#cramps and a pissy mood bc idk how to play some game #the bf and our fwb got put on the enemy team so i have to figure shit out by myself... woo.

[thewordsofanerd]

ringing in the new year drunk and falling asleep in a call with the bf 🥰

#streamed undertale for most of the night for him too!!!! ^_^ #happy 2024

[thewordsofanerd]

maybe I shouldn't be trying to job hunt when we're still in the weird fucking limbo between Christmas and my birthday......

#i mean..... since cex doesn't have the vacancy up for my local store. i am.... a bit salty #and i would like to feel more confident in financially supporting my boyfriend and our fwb better #and financially supporting myself better too tbh tbh #trying to find a remote job is fucking tougher than i thought #fml #i mean. shit. i've been looking at graveyard shift jobs too but that's fucking daunting

[thewordsofanerd]

spent christmas with the boyfriend and our........ fwb(?)..... possible partner(?)...... twas good

#😌 #i should've spent a bit more time with the family #but stepfather brought the vibes down #eh #i mean..... i really wasn't feeling festive anyway #we watched a film over discord #and i streamed undertale!!! #and i got drunk #all is fine #fucking dreading what'll happen tomorrow with dad's side of the family

[thewordsofanerd]

ah fuck, even they sound cute

#i am experiencing some bi panic once again lads

[thewordsofanerd]

actually goated at communicating????

#after talking with the bestie i told bf how i was feeling #and i also took his suggestion of also talking to them about it too #which i mustered up the courage and do and.... #a huge weight has lifted????? #and if i can also be a friend for them too then that'd be based #we out here breaking some cycles i've witnessed as a kid and shit #we out here growing as a person

[thewordsofanerd]

mmm brb gonna kms at this point

#part of me is actually so over this shit im ngl #stupid fucking selfish insecure jealousy

[thewordsofanerd]

actually, scratch that, i'm going to punch the fucking wall instead

i am this 🤏 close to throwing my xbox controller at the tv

#how about i fuck the both of them #that'll make me feel better

[thewordsofanerd]

i am this 🤏 close to throwing my xbox controller at the tv

#hehe thought i could actually be a..... idfk...... person or whatever #but jealousy? i know her #even though like weve established in text and over word #and that like yeah im open to a lot more #but i'll be damned if i cant help the jealousy that fucking festers #its the only emotion that pisses me off

[thewordsofanerd]

painful lack of one important christmas card this year

#it was fucking heartbreaking automatically looking at the nan + grandad cards #and then remembering nan's not hear anymore

[thewordsofanerd]

I am so bad at writing emails >_<

#we out here being a functioning member of society.