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tobsterrabbit · 6 years

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Foreign Emotions - Tianshan Fanfic Ch. 3/3

he tian x mo guan shan

Rating: T (Warning: Explicit language)

Summary: Mo Guan Shan is questioning his sexuality after a series of past events and he has to deal with internalised homophobia, along with his own fears, before he can come to terms with himself. Mo finds comfort in the last person he would think to find it in, He Tian.

Ch.1 / Ch. 2

Guan Shan didn’t know how to process He Tian’s words, they kept repeating in his head like a broken record. ‘There is nothing wrong with you.’ Mo wondered how it was possible for He Tian of all people, to make him feel at peace.

Mo knew he would never be able to focus if he went back to class and it seemed rather pointless anyway as the bell had already rung five minutes ago. He could either be late and get yelled at by his teacher or skip the rest of the day and have a nap. The latter was the obvious option in Mo Guan Shan’s mind.

There weren’t any teachers actively guarding the school grounds since everyone should’ve been in class, so it was fairly easy for Mo to escape. He only had to jump over a fence near the back of the school, which was out of the way of any onlookers.

Soon enough Mo Guan Shan found himself heading back home, giving him time to organise his thoughts. Mo didn’t want to get ahead of himself, but he thought that He Tian might’ve been being honest with him. Guan Shan couldn’t change this part of himself and he knew there was no point in worrying about it. You can only fight the truth for so long.

Guan Shan needed a break from all the self-pity and disgust, he had been consumed with it for far too long. He wondered if something would change within him if he accepted this part of himself. Would he become a better person? The definition of a ‘good person’ seemed too far away for Mo to grasp.

Maybe he didn’t need to be the textbook definition of a good person, maybe he could just be himself. He knew that would undoubtedly get him nowhere in life, but isn’t that what they told kids? To always be themselves? Mo thought he was probably overthinking it and decided to leave the topic alone, he had enough faith to believe that one day he’d be okay.

Mo Guan Shan finally reached his home, unlocking the door and taking his shoes off in the entryway before sauntering into his room. The trip back home from school seemed to feel shorter than usual as he was so deep in thought.

As soon as Mo laid his eyes on his bed, the exhaustion hit him and he couldn’t wait to lay down. He put his school bag away and changed into some more comfortable clothes before Guan Shan flopped down onto his mattress, wrapping himself in blankets. Mo, luckily, didn’t have time to overthink any other matters before he quickly drifted off to sleep.

The sound of a phone ringing woke Guan Shan up from his slumber and he fumbled to answer the call, still half asleep. “Hello?” Mo asked groggily into his phone. He heard a deep chuckle from the other end of the call and knew who he was talking to immediately.

“Did I wake you?” He Tian questioned. Mo groaned in response, still coming to his senses. He wondered what time it was if he was getting a call from Tian, so he looked over at the clock on his nightstand to find that it was already 7 pm.

He Tian began questioning Mo Guan Shan again out of curiosity and hidden worry. “So, you ended up skipping the last half of the day?”

Mo confirmed his statement, also wondering how he found out. “Yeah. How’d you know?” There was a short silence between them before He Tian laughed and gave a vague answer. “I have connections.”

Guan Shan snorted at his response, not taking him seriously in the slightest. “Whatever,” Mo said absentmindedly.

“Do you want to meet at the usual basketball court in 15? Jian Yi and Zhan Zheng Xi will be there too,” He Tian asked Mo.

Mo considered the invitation for a moment, he didn’t have anywhere to be tonight. His mom was also working overtime so he’d be alone anyway. “Sure,” he mumbled.

“Great~ see you then,” He Tian spoke happily, ending the call. 15 minutes gave Mo Guan Shan enough time to have a quick shower and grab a snack before heading out since it only took five minutes to get there. He quickly jumped into action, not wasting any time.

As Guan Shan was showering he began considering an idea that would’ve sounded crazy to him a week ago, coming out to his mom. He knew he could trust her with the information, her love for him was unconditional as she told him. Mo felt like that would be another weight off his shoulders.

Guan Shan remembered to take note of this thought as he got out of the shower and dried off, putting on some clothes. He wasn’t going to suddenly come out to his mom tomorrow or anything of that sort, but he knew in due time it would happen. It scared him, but at the same time, he was impatiently anticipating her support, which he knew he could count on.

Mo quickly had a bite to eat and left his home in perfect timing. As Guan Shan headed towards his destination he realised he hadn’t seen Jian Yi or Zhan Zheng Xi since before he had that nightmare. He was avoiding He Tian at lunch and Tian was the main reason he hung out with them in the first place, then he skipped the rest of the day so it really wasn’t a surprise he hadn’t seen them.

Mo Guan Shan felt a bit of anxiety when he thought about meeting them, he trusted that He Tian didn’t tell them, but the worry was always there. He brushed off all of his unnecessary concerns and picked up his pace, wanting a distraction from his thoughts. His tendency to overthink had been worse than usual lately.

Mo finally reached the court and saw all three boys, He Tian, Jian Yi, and Zhan Zhang Xi, already passing the ball around and taking shots. He was thankful he didn’t have to be alone with any of them, he wasn’t in the mood for awkward conversation, which he knew would inevitably happen in that type of situation. It always happened when he was involved.

“Little Mo~ Took you long enough,” He Tian waved at Guan Shan, ushering him over. Mo didn’t respond, his usual ‘fuck off’ dying in his throat.

“Redhead! Come join us, we can play 2 versus 2 now!” Jian Yi happily exclaimed. Mo Guan Shan couldn’t understand how that guy was always smiling and happy, he wondered if it was a mask. Guan Shan was awfully familiar with facades and Jian Yi fit the description.

Mo Guan Shan didn’t think about it any further and walked onto the court, meeting the rest of the guys. He Tian was quick to wrap a sweaty arm around his shoulders. Normally, Mo wouldn’t have cared too much, but he really didn’t enjoy the sweat.

“Don’t touch me, you’re all sweaty,” Mo said pointedly.

He Tian made an effort to pull Guan Shan in even closer to the side of his body, so close that Mo’s face was practically nestled in his armpit. “He Tian, you chicken dick! Let go of me!” There was a mess of limbs as Mo tried to fight off Tian, ending with Guan Shan in a headlock.

“Guys, can you not fight right now? Let’s play,” Jian Yi suggested. He Tian let go of Mo and Guan Shan stumbled away from him, internally thanking Jian Yi. Deciding teams wasn’t necessary, as it was obvious to everyone that it would be He Tian and Mo versus Jian Yi and Zheng Xi. Only once had they switched up the teams and to say the least, it didn’t go well.

The boys decided to play best out of three games and the losers had to buy drinks for everyone. He Tian was confident they’d win and suggested to up the stakes. “Each round, whoever loses has to either answer a question or complete a dare, which the winning team will decide.”

Jian Yi looked at He Tian, confused. “What type of question or dare?” He asked. Tian smirked and let out a laugh before answering. “Whatever you want.” Jian Yi found this very enticing and was about to excitedly agree before Zheng Xi stopped him.

“Are you even thinking about this Jian Yi? This is He Tian we’re talking about,” Zheng Xi said looking very worried. Mo agreed with him, you never knew what Tian was thinking or what he was up to, now was no different. They could be screwing themselves over, embarrassment was on the horizon. It was the same for He Tian and Mo, but they could all agree that Tian was the most evil out of all of them.

Jian Yi ignored Zheng Xi’s concerns and agreed right away, wanting to get on with the game. “We’re in! Let’s play!” Zheng Xi had a look of remorse on his face as he rolled his eyes at his friend. They all got into position and began playing as if their lives depended on it.

He Tian and Mo had a good start, winning the first round. The shit-eating grin on He Tian’s face didn’t comfort anyone as he decided on a dare for them as the losers. “Jian Yi, lick Zheng Xi’s armpit.”

Jian Yi laughed, not taking him seriously until he stopped and saw the look on his face. “You’re serious?! That’s gross!” Jian Yi complained. There was a look of disgust on both Zheng Xi and Mo’s face as they wondered how anyone could be so cruel.

In the end, they completed the dare and Jian Yi was left in fetal position on the pavement, gagging and vowing revenge on He Tian. Mo felt pity for the guy and everyone knew Mo didn’t hand out pity like it was free. The boys all had a laugh later on, even if Jian Yi denied it.

The next round He Tian and Mo lost. Jian Yi celebrated by jumping into Zheng Xi’s arms and he was met with a drop to the ground. “Kiss,” Jian Yi exclaimed, not bothering to discuss it with his teammate. Mo flew into an internal panic, he couldn’t kiss He Tian! Not after last time and especially not now that He Tian knew his secret.

He Tian exchanged a look with Mo. After he saw the scared look on Mo’s face, he tried to convince Jian Yi to change the dare. “Come on, is that all you’ve got?” He Tian challenged. Jian Yi began chanting ‘Kiss’ in response.

Mo’s heartbeat began speeding up and his hands began to shake, responses he was getting used to with all the stress he had been dealing with lately. Guan Shan didn’t want to kiss He Tian, last time it made him realise things about himself he wasn’t ready to know. He was scared of what would happen this time.

He Tian leaned in to whisper a question in Guan Shan’s ear. “Can I kiss you?” Tian asked, his breath hot on Mo. That wasn’t what Guan Shan was expecting, he didn’t know how to respond. Mo said the only thing he could. “It’s not like I have a choice.”

Tian slowly leaned in, hands lightly resting on Mo’s waist. He could feel how much Guan Shan was shaking, he gave him a reassuring squeeze to try and calm him down a bit. Mo’s eyes fluttered closed as He Tian closed the gap between them and gently pressed his lips on Mo’s.

Guan Shan could tell that He Tian was being extra gentle, not wanting to scare Mo away. ‘It feels good,’ Mo thought, not being able to think straight. It was a quick kiss, nothing like the first. Mo Guan Shan almost felt cold and empty without He Tian’s warmth after the kiss ended. He didn’t want to think about what that meant so he pretended he didn’t care.

“You assholes, can we get on with the game now?” Mo questioned, a faint blush still adorning his cheeks. Mo ignored the speechless looks on the opposite teams face and ushered them to continue playing. “Are you guys coming or not?” He asked impatiently. They quickly carried on with their game, forgetting all that had just happened, or at least trying to.

The third round He Tian and Mo lost again, it had almost been a tie. Jian Yi was quick to ask them a question, knowing Zheng Xi didn’t care too much. “What do you find most attractive about a girl?” He inquired.

Mo Guan Shan laughed, not thinking about the answer that quickly rolled off his tongue. “Nothing,” he snorted. As soon as he realised his mistake he was inwardly cursing himself. All three boys looked extremely surprised and two slightly confused as they stared at Mo in question. “Well shit,” Mo mumbled.

“Does that mean what I think it means?” Jian Yi asked Guan Shan slowly.

Mo Guan Shan was still trying to desperately hold onto his secret, asking him a question back in return. “That depends, what do you think it means?” He asked, his voice shaking. Jian Yi raised an eyebrow at him, thinking Mo was going to make him spell it out.

“Are you gay?” He asked, emotion not showing in his voice.

Mo Guan Shan wanted to bury himself in a hole, ‘how did I get myself in this situation?’ he wondered. He knew there was only one way out of this, but he still didn’t know what to do. Mo didn’t think that’d he’d be coming out to his friends so soon, in fact, he wasn’t sure if he’d ever planned on telling them. His mom was one thing but Jian Yi and Zheng Xi were another.

Guan Shan awkwardly laughed, a desperate attempt to relieve tension. Mo glanced at He Tian, an undecipherable look on his face. He told himself he was going to answer as strong and as confident as he could. If this was it then he wouldn’t let them walk all over him. “Yeah, I am.”

Neither Jian Yi or Zheng Xi looked disgusted or offended in the slightest, if anything it was the opposite. Their responses weren’t what Mo was expecting. “I’m glad you told us. I know I speak for all of us when I say we’re here for you Guan Shan,” Jian Yi spoke thoughtfully.

Zheng Xi agreed, not being one to talk much he gave a short reply. “Yeah,” he said softly. The mood was instantly lightened and all tension seemed to be gone. Mo Guan Shan didn’t know what to say, so far everyone who found out had been accepting. He didn’t understand, but he was thankful and maybe even a little happy.

“Thank you,” Mo offered. He was returned a few smiles as Mo took everything in. ‘We’re here for you,’ he repeated to himself. Guan Shan glanced over to his side to see He Tian’s reaction, what he saw was a small smile that had more emotion behind it than Mo would ever know.

Suddenly a phone rang removing them all from their thoughts and snapping them back to reality. Zheng Xi found it was his phone which was ringing, so he quickly picked it up. Guan Shan drowned out the talking and allowed himself a moment.

They were accepting of him. They didn’t think he was gross and they didn’t pity him. He had no reason to be scared. He had amazing, underappreciated friends by his side. They would be there for him when he needed it. All of this was too unreal for Guan Shan. He never had people like that before. In fact, he had never really had anyone he could call a true friend before them.

“That was my mom, I should get going now,” Zheng Xi told his friends. “I’ll walk with you,” Jian Yi replied as he clung to him. They all said their goodbyes and soon enough Mo Guan Shan was alone with He Tian.

They sat in the grass which was off to the side of the court, allowing the silence to envelop them. ‘It’s a nice night,’ Guan Shan thought. It was dark, street lamps lighting up the area. He admired the sky, realising it was a full moon.

Neither of them broke the comfortable silence for quite a while until He Tian spoke up. “I’m proud of you. That took a lot of courage,” Tian said, gazing at Guan Shan. Mo didn’t take his eyes off the sky as a small smile crept up on his face, along with a light blush. ‘This guy,’ Mo thought. ‘Driving me crazy one minute then making me feel like this the next.’

He Tian could’ve looked at the full moon gracing the sky, but his gaze was fully directed at one certain unknowing red-headed boy. The only person he had eyes for. That red-headed boy was unknowing of the heavy gaze on him.

That night, before drifting off to sleep, Mo realised that was the beginning of something. Good or bad, he had yet to find out. But he knew he’d be alright because of a certain someone always by his side and two idiots who were too nice for their own good. He would be okay.

A/N: I loved writing this short three-part fic, I wish it had been longer but I feel this was a good place to end it. I’m thinking of writing a sequel which focuses more so on He Tian and Mo’s relationship, and now that Mo has accepted himself their relationship could possibly advance ;).

I’ll only write a sequel if you guys want one though, so give me lot’s of feedback about this fic and if you would like a sequel. I always love talking to you guys and hearing your support keeps me going, so don’t be shy!!!!! I’ll let you guys know if I decide to write a sequel, we’ll see how much response this gets :) Thank you, everyone!!!!!!

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