tppdfw

[tppdfw]

PSA

Okay so personal stuff:

I was diagnosed with BPD like a year ago but was only told about this diagnosis today and now I'm trying to come to terms with that and how I feel about it. I don't have any fear of abandonment but I do fit other criteria for BPD I suppose. I'll try contend the diagnosis if I ever see the person who apparently diagnosed me again because I feel like PPD is a more accurate fit for my personality, or I guess I might have both, but I don't think I feel comfortable running this blog if I might not actually have PPD so this is either a hiatus or bye or whatever

[tppdfw]

Paranoia is getting pretty bad now hasn't been this bad in a while why does it always have to be at night and I don't have therapy for three weeks because my therapist is on holiday so this is the worst timing maybe if people would STOP TRYING TO KILL ME AND WOULD LEAVE ME ALONE I COUKD RELAX AND GET SOME SLEEP

[tppdfw]

You can't stop people being evil but you can avoid being betrayed by never trusting anyone/not keeping any secrets.

[tppdfw]

I like getting to hold up a mirror to someone who promised not to betray me and then see their self image dissolve in front of their eyes when they inevitably do wrong me and they now have to see the truth I told them all along :-))

[tppdfw]

Tppdfw: Everyone Is Trying To Kill Me

#tppdfw

[tppdfw]

That ppd feel when you wonder if Post Malone was reading your mind when he wrote "Paranoid"

[tppdfw]

i’ve let someone stay in my life after they hurt me but it was ..... for survival like i knew i couldn’t handle the constant conflict otherwise but i never forgave them nor did i really trust them much. it was a mistake lmao they kept purposely hurting me and i want em dead now but yeah bottom line i don’t forgive but for practical reasons i keep people

That makes sense. Honestly I did a similar thing before, actually a lot of times I've not actively cut out people who were bad to me for a while afterwards because I was afraid of what they might do to me if I did. In all cases with me I did manage to eventually cut the people out but it was super difficult to do it in a safe way. Sorry you're in that situation though it's awful

[tppdfw]

Do people deserve second chances?

Okay so as someone with PPD I have never in my life given someone a second chance. Honestly, it's a cold day in hell when I give someone their first chance. I can't comprehend anyone who isn't a masochist willingly letting someone stay in their life after they already did something bad. If someone wrongs me that's it. I see everyone as a future wrong-doer anyway so when I interact with someone I'm essentially just waiting for them to fuck up and give me a reason to hate them.

Sure people can make mistakes and see the error of their ways and try to make amends but I just don't understand how some people could ever forgive? Or convince themselves that that person won't do the same stuff again?

Please add to this with a situation (real or theoretical) where you would forgive someone cause I just can't get my head around the concept.

#ppd #paranoid personality disorder #actually paranoid #paranoia #actuallyparanoid #tppdfw #actually ppd #paranoid #okay to rb

[tppdfw]

Me: I want compliments

Someone: *compliments me*

Me: go fuck yourself

#ppd #paranoid personality disorder #actually paranoid #paranoia #actuallyparanoid #tppdfw #actually ppd

[tppdfw]

When people say “I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy” it doesn’t make me think “oh god it must be really bad then” it makes me think “you clearly don’t hate your worst enemy as much as I hate mine”

#ppd #revenge

[tppdfw]

“holding grudges isn’t good for you” yeah well neither is people hurting me and getting away w/ it so here we are

#all my grudges will be held until long after i have died.

[tppdfw]

My paranoia never gets stronger or weaker: I'm just better or worse at dealing with it some days more than others

#actually paranoid

[tppdfw]

Wait you posted an asexuality thing at some point relatively soon, are you ace? I am and IDK finding other ace people is just such a nice thing.

Yeah I'm ace!

[tppdfw]

Tfw when you constantly worry that your friend is talking to other people more than you behind your back about things they wouldn’t tell you and you just feel so betrayed because they called you their close friend even though most people would brush it off, and then you think about how many other things they would have lied to you about. Dunno if this is more of a bpd thing but yeah.

I think it sounds like more of a BPD thing yeah, but fear of being betrayed rather than abandoned seems more PPD

[tppdfw]

I wonder if the unidentified "them" that's always watching us is nonbinary

[tppdfw]

Do you know if any cluster a discords? My. Ppd is getting bad and it'd be nice for support...

Heck sorry I don't really know what you mean? Or what discords are? Sorry I could help ah

[tppdfw]

when you have ppd but your SO has ASPD so everything they say and do feels like a personal attack even though your logical brain knows it isn't, they just have no empathy :)))