trickytrigger

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"I’m 27, as of 3 days ago. I remember when I was in my last year of college, I’d think about how at 27 I’d be a speech-language pathologist. I’m not really there, despite having applied this year finally. A lot of things delayed my process, and I have not been on a timeline that I felt entirely happy with since graduating 4 years ago. I’m not sure if it’s birthday related, but I’ve had dreams featuring my dad a couple of nights in a row and I really miss him. It’s hard because the years have just passed and it’s less daily that I allow myself time to remember him so much so that it’s like forgetting. And it just is. I guess dreaming about him reminds me of his being even if it’s a warped dreamworld version, it’s my memories of his essence and what I think he would say or do if in my presence. The heart attack scenes in tv shows I’m enjoying strike a chord. And that it’s not impressive at all to cry on cue because it’s quite as time goes by. I guess the point is, lately, I’m terrified of where the time has gone and where it will take me next. I thought getting into grad school would fix it all for me. I want to enjoy 27 because I feel as if I spent 26 dreading 27. I can’t allow myself the same mistake."

I'm currently 31 and wanted to respond to this so many years later. I think maybe because his birthday passed a couple of days ago and it's going to be 8-9 years since he died, and I missed him still, just not in the same way. There is still a deep sadness about the permanence of death -- but the other reason I wanted to respond to this is that I did get into grad school @29 and attained my master's not in speech language pathology like I thought in college, but mental health counseling @31. I think it is just a reminder of themes I keep hearing in young people of regret, and not being happy with their pace toward success, and maybe themes of "this thing" will solve it. I wish I could tell them what I know, and I do, as much as I can without wanting to interfere and I say as much. There's a real sincerity growing of wanting to both allow their suffering and take it away. It's been what's been coming with age, and it is also in some ways, reminding me to prioritize myself a little more, too. My 2022 intention was solely to sleep earlier or more. My 2023 intention was to prioritize pleasure. I can see why it would be that.

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Recently, a client mentioned that they recently discovered tumblr, and I'm not sure if that's what's bringing me back. I started here when I was about 16 and now it's nearly 15 years later. If anyone in their 20s is reading this, despite just entering my 30s, they feel better than my 20--actually, tumblr is a blatant reminder of this (the posts from ages 26, 24, and even 19). I used to hear people in their 30s reassure me in this way when I was in my 20s and wonder how true it could be. I may have wondered if they were coping. The interesting thing is that this became relevant later because maybe we are oddly connected.

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“This will be a turning point of sorts.” A way #latergram but that’s no surprise with my posting habits anyway. I’ve been too caught up with finishing up my breathwork practicum. I meant to post these of a 4-day getaway during my only break for the 2021. It was sort of for Kuma, actually - note his excited expression (pic 3!) in the car! 🚙 Some of you may know this pandemic has increased his already anxious demeanor and he’s had lots of new issues. In addition to breathwork practicum, I’ve been spending the last month healing him through nature, energy work and nutrition. It’s making such a difference and I love every moment of it. I just wanted to share some of the wintery moments I know he treasured. 💕 To your healing and my relaxation 😌 #woodstockny #artcommune #winterbreath #dogcare #doghealing #naturehealing #shibalife (at Woodstock, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/CLvkFM5nh1Z/?igshid=8skukmy0ob27

#latergram #woodstockny #artcommune #winterbreath #dogcare #doghealing #naturehealing #shibalife

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In the fall of 2019, when I first heard about breathwork 💨, I'd have LOVED to try it for free or at community pricing. Reading testimonials about its profound benefits, I was skeptical about how something as simple as breath could do much at all. 🤨 Today, I'm 6 months deep into a breathwork training 👩🏻‍🎓 with @pausebreathwork and thrilled to be offering FREE breathwork sessions for clarity and relaxation for the next month. So, what is breathwork? Breathwork is one of the most effective mind-body healing tools, that takes advantage of the impressive power of your own breath to heal parts of our systems we might not have thought possible. If it sounds weird but cool, you're not alone. Some of its beloved benefits: 🐻‍❄️Relieves stress, anxiety, overwhelm 🐻‍❄️Boosts your immunity🦠 🐻Increases energy and mental clarity 🐻‍❄️ Revitalizes your organs 🐻Improves sleep 🐻‍❄️Helps to release old trauma, anger and emotional pain 🐻Heightens your intuition 🐻‍❄️Promotes grounding, inner peace, relaxation and embodiment 🐻Can be a portal to altered states of consciousness 👉 If you're interested in experiencing it for yourself, DM me / find the link in my bio to schedule a guided breathwork session over Zoom! 2020 was chaotic, to say the least--let's see together if this is something you'd love to add to your self-care & well-being repertoire in 2021 🛁💕 #breathwork #breathworkfacilitator , #breathworkmeditation, #pranayama, #yoga, #mindbodyhealing, #somatichealing, #selfhealing, #breathworkhealing (at New York, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/CKSUN2nHBZg/?igshid=1ezq7womt7luc

#breathwork #breathworkfacilitator #breathworkmeditation #pranayama #yoga #mindbodyhealing #somatichealing #selfhealing #breathworkhealing

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Happy Mother’s Day @lindaalirkan Not sure if you creep on Instagram but I wouldn’t put it past you ;) ❤️❤️❤️ https://www.instagram.com/p/CAB9t-nnOpZWRXgdnkcLzEbnPJpSuERITCMeSw0/?igshid=1f72z7mlyfv3z

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Catching sun after rotting away all week. Back at it, as they say. 🙂 (at Greenpoint, Brooklyn) https://www.instagram.com/p/B7bt2KNHikf/?igshid=8uf3cqwdz5h8

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Before it’s too late into 2020, I wanted to post something. I guess I don’t always feel like it but this year was special. Sometimes, it felt like 2019 was a very trying year. This was true of both people near and dear, as well as those I knew distantly. I would like to wish everyone deep healing in the new year, or "decade". To everyone in my life, thank you so much for being there when it was trying, and adding so much JOY and color. Despite lows and moments of ungratitude on my part, I received SO much support and love this year, and experienced so much beauty. I spent much less time this holiday season "blues napping" as I've called it (and even when I would, I've felt much less guilt). Some 1sts / highlights of 2019 because I forget so much: -Thailand with @s_aysea & @thoughtinspiring (1sts: elephants, massages, mango sticky rice, keratin treatments) -work trip for ATL Superbowl, (1sts: throwing a football, Atlanta) -kickboxing,rockclimbing, yoga -whole 30 -weird ball with @maylee -I fell in love again -1st spring training (Tampa, New York Yankees) -roller skated -Banff -went to beaches more than any other summer -slowing down, prioritizing mental health and asking for assistance -connecting with amazing unexpected friends, new and old -went to more shows this year -a lot of forgiveness -a lot of opening up to those I needed to open up to for a while -my wonderful family -Sabby General Goals of 2020 -get my mom into yoga -read as much as I did in 2018 -make healthy food -learn basics of two languages by the end of the 3rd quarter of the year -add tennis, swimming into the mix -try archery & snowboarding -more quiet time for journaling. also, writing during the 2nd half of the year Won't miss -Axe-throwing (I was trash) -Flaming Grill Buffet (ew, sorry, family members) -Feeling 28 to be old (it's not, looking forward to 29) -extra long checklists that accidentally induced guilt https://www.instagram.com/p/B630SDzn4CN/?igshid=lzl4x397cljr

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I’m ok with this and some of this makes sense #2019 #goodbyedecade https://www.instagram.com/p/B6uiFWOHBlB/?igshid=12aodsw87bf6g

#2019 #goodbyedecade

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Merry Christmas 🎄 (at New York, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/B6gMY_2n4u_/?igshid=ty99r9c6fous

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My mom dug these up and some of these are really nice! 🍎 #oldphotos https://www.instagram.com/p/B6RCxRUnLfc/?igshid=13adhxblnrc80

#oldphotos

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I’ve never seen this but it’s been 5 years 😂 #sunynewpaltz #grumpygrad (at New Paltz, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/B53lfXkH8ix/?igshid=1rfjuk18cjcjf

#sunynewpaltz #grumpygrad

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They didn’t have lentil soup so kielbasa it is? Missing silly but appropriate conversations w/ @stephypiowpiow 😳 (at East Village, Manhattan) https://www.instagram.com/p/B5RLL8in7Vh/?igshid=1kjccnpphvpig

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Oldie ❤️ (at Yankee Stadium) https://www.instagram.com/p/B4jNchdHj8C/?igshid=3j7polqavpp5

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My beloved monster / my heart #doghalloween #stitch https://www.instagram.com/p/B4dlgjrnKzW/?igshid=pcoz7mr1ec9w

#doghalloween #stitch

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Me in front of the Newberry Library in northern Chicago. I look like I oughta be a librarian.

Can’t wait for The Time Traveler’s Wife on Friday. :)

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Better Simba cake picture sort of. This is why my 6th birthday will always be my favorite of all. I got a goldfish and a Simba cake! Sadly, Musab (right) blew out my candle and made me cry.

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🥠 (at Gnoccheria Wall Street) https://www.instagram.com/p/B3GVaFnHUoS/?igshid=1ryjnkapolzy3