unexpectedmusicreviews
Album Reviews for the masses
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480
480 - Miranda Lambert - The Weight of These Wings - 2016
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjG8siumtTs&list=PLqWFQD9EXHWiYJ7bLkR8tE2eYTZLnY-78
Ok, it’s country. That’s always a bad start. Really can’t stand it as a genre, but hey, there’s some catchy songs right?
Not here. Not a one. 24 songs and nothing that sparked anything but “please make it stop”. Part of it is her voice. It’s not powerful, not passionate, it feels programmed for country and ticks the boxes without anything special about it. Add in the lyrics/songwriting and the music, and it’s like you typed “female country artist song” into a computer and this puked out.
It’s a combo of sassy and sad songs. And this was apparently after she got divorced. What I didn’t hear was angry. I would have like angry, angry can drive passion. Sad and sassy can too, but apparently she can’t. There’s nothing remarkable about this entire collection of songs I can find. Sad really, given she’s big shit in the C&W arena, but this is just pulp fiction, country style.
Another one where no one song jumps out as good enough or interesting enough to even comment on.
1/10, don’t bother. If you’re romancing a middle aged cowgirl (I could only hope!) then you’ll probably have to listen to this a lot, but you might get lucky, so pay the price.
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481
481 - Belle And Sebastian - If You’re Feeling Sinister - 1996
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?app=desktop&list=PLB875NdHRlOFSV21hAE5gO4Zw1qTqXPPK
Um...Ok...Not sure what I just listened to.
Look, I’m sure these guys were influential on someone. But like we’ve learned on this page, influential DOES NOT mean good. And this is not good.
It’s...emo? Like, I don’t know what that exactly is, but I feel like this is the sound that would define it. The singer is whiny as fuck, the music is bland acoustic guitar with other stuff occasionally mixed in, and the lyrics are sappy, sad, depressing and the kind of things a little bitch would say to excuse why he’s a little bitch.
Ok, maybe that’s a bit harsh, but this is the kid you knew in high school who got bullied and you kind of felt like he earned it. Like, you could sympathize with the fat kid, the nerd, the poor kid, the ugly one, but this kid actively asked for pain. And this music is the eruption of that pain. Almost like your toilet backed up.
I’d mention actual songs, but I found none of them memorable, none of them remotely good and none of them worth even commenting directly on.
0/10, Arcade Fire moment. Maybe the same people? Do yourself a favor and pass unless you like to know how bad it can be and still get produced.
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482
482 - The Pharcyde - Bizarre Ride II the Pharcyde - 1992
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAaQDxpv5X8&list=PL8BE5E26D1A98BD41
I’d never heard of The Pharcyde, besides being a college grad in the early 90s and being a fan of The Far Side, but apparently they were there.
This is what I recall from early 90′s rap. Except instead of the 80′s Sugar Hill Gang, this is the same thing only dirty AF.
There’s two “interludes” which are basically some musical bits for a minute or so, and two “skits’ which are a bit longer through the album. I think maybe they were targeting an “In Living Color” kind of vibe? I don’t know, but doesn’t really work for me on a music album.
Other than that, it’s just rhyming old school rap. Controversial because only two of the 12 actual songs on the album (”Officer” and “Passin’ Me By”) DON’T have the Explicit statement we all love Tipper Gore so much for (seriously the first Karen?) but not because of subject matter. it’s sex and drugs and hanging out, like so much other music in general.
Kudos to them for the first actual song on the album, “Oh Shit” which actually had me laughing out loud. Not enough to add to my playlist, but enough to elicit an actual laugh.
4/10, if it was playing a party, I wouldn’t hate hate it, but not my style.
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483
483 - Muddy Waters - The Anthology - 1947-1972
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wX8lV0eDECs&list=PLIt_ukWWyOjoZpcOisnpWSZUjiZutisqI
50 songs. Across 25 years. Seriously, fuck you Rolling Stone for picking something this long.
And something this...this...boring. I mean, I go into this knowing that Muddy Waters is supposedly the best blues guitarist to ever live. I’m stoked right? I like the blues, so this should at least be fun, except maybe for those scratchy old 1947 recordings.
It’s not fun. It’s not fun at all. You know the trope for a blues song? Dan nah nah nah na...da nah nah nah na...Woke up this morning...did something something something? IT’S ALL THROUGHOUT THESE 50 FUCKING SONGS! Like, at least 40 or 45 of them have this. Maybe not the woke up this morning, although this man sings about waking up more often than is probably healthy, but the beat and music are just the damn same. And the guitar? This amazing blues guitar? Same shit every time. When he tries to do something different, it’s either passable or awful, nothing amazing. I am so not impressed it’s painful.
There’s some moves off of this, like “Baby Please Don’t Go” which has a more upbeat tune, or “I’m Your Hoochie Coochie Man” which I’d rather have the version the blind guy sung in Roadhouse TBH. Or maybe “I Just Want to Make Love To You” but there I’ll take the Foghat cover of this instead.
I actually surprised myself and found one for the playlist though. “I’m Ready” is a romp through some great lyrics and music. Though similar to the other stuff, the lyrics set it apart and make it memorable enough for the playlist.
I’m sure, if anyone actually read this, I’d get flamed to hell and back for pissing on Muddy Waters, but I just don’t care. I expected greatness, and got sadness.
3/10, way too many of the same songs, and not enough goodness. Stay away.
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484
484 - Lady Gaga - Born This Way - 2011
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4IgYxHEAuk&list=OLAK5uy_mtrfC8IOVznxDHsVO4Z2fmVW9Vda3ujts
Ok, she’s not my typical artist or genre, but after hearing her on Howard Stern with just her playing the piano and untuned singing “Edge of Glory”, I’m kind of looking forward to this.
But that’s too bad, because holy shit. I’m way too old for club music and listening to this through headphones gave me a horrific headache.
She’s got a powerful voice, and knows how to sing, there’s no doubt. Hearing her on “Born This Way”, “Edge of Glory”, you know she can sing. But there’s a mix of songs with interesting and meaningful lyrics (the two above for sure) and stuff that’s just mindless. I mean, it’s not mindless, but I can’t figure out what she’s going after.
“Marry the Night” is one with decent lyrics, “Bloody Mary” and “Judas” not so much. “You and I” was a refreshing sort of ‘ballad’ amongst all the club music, but that may have been just relief.
I still feel exactly the same about her. I don’t go to clubs, but if I heard her in one I wouldn’t hate it. But right in my ears? Big nope.
5/10, for those who like club music and/or really want to annoy their neighbors with some big ass speakers.
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485
485 - Richard and Linda Thompson - I Want to See the Bright Lights Tonight - 1974
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEk-wjil1rA&list=PL6VJme_L98wI1dnX9UKRx2yCosKUsc_Bk
I’m going to start by saying I have never heard of them, and can only believe this is in the top 500 because it was “influential”. I hate that part of this list, I don’t care if they influenced anyone, IS IT GOOD? In this case, yeah not so much.
So this is an English folk band, and they’ve leaned in and stuck to the English accents. Maybe a bit Cockney. The instruments hit that too, guitar, sitar, fiddle/violin, accordion, tambourine, flute, horns, the whole damn set. But man, other than a couple of songs it’s almost some kind of goth/emo folk where it’s dark and depressing. “Down Where the Drunkards Roll” for an English folk song should be bouncy and great, but no, it’s sad and depressing and the kind of drinking song you want when you’re crying in your beer about to pass out. Sheesh.
Then there’s “The End of the Rainbow” which includes the line in it’s chorus “There’s nothing to grow up for anymore”. This is being sung to a child in a crib. Fuck that’s dark. And depressing. And this guy didn’t even write it about 2020? WTH?
There’s a couple of decent upbeat songs, “When I Get to the Border” and “The Little Beggar Girl” have upbeat music and bouncy lyrics, but all in all, this whole album is a bit of a dark, sad and depressing mess. I hate when artists call out the weird and niche bands/artists that influenced them. I feel like they’re lying to sound more sophisticated or just bullshitting to see who falls for it. But then again, I’m as artistic as a block of wood.
3/10, don’t bother. Too depressing and there are much better folk bands out there with PROPER drinking songs! The kind that make you think you can dance and then fall down while being drunk enough to not care. Not that I’d know anything about that!
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486
486 * John Mayer - Continuum - 2006
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4s1sKigA17c&list=PL8r-fwnQcL8KHsu9gykIPQbNlGENi_yuy
Ok, I know the name, but not much about his music. Of course, I’ve heard “Waiting on the World to Change” but who hasn’t? But I confess I didn’t know if that was him or Ed Sheeran or someone else. Is there a machine cranking out these guys?
And that should explain how I feel about this whole album. There’s nothing bad or offensive (except the high notes in “Vultures” please don’t do those anymore John) but there’s also nothing memorable, gripping or interesting. The subject matter is the same love, breakup, sadness, with a dash of protest (see “Waiting” mentioned above) and some good guitar solos in “Bold as Love” and “In Repair”. This is all in all the kind of music I’d expect in a “hip” dentist’s office.
“Waiting”, “Gravity” and “Slow Dancing in a Burning Room” are the big hits here, but none of them really did anything for me. “Slow Dancing” definitely has some interesting lyrics, very detailed about the disaster of their relationship, which I like, but all in all this is just background music to life.
Yeah, sad voice, sad songs, pretty boy, I’m sure all the ladies hate me right now, but that’s a tried and true formula in music for raking in the bucks whether or not the music is awesome or shit. In this case, we’re more on the continuum of the latter.
4/10, we’ve heard worse on this journey, but I expect music to grab me, not sort of floppily paw at me like a wimpy puppy. No playlist here...
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487
487 - Black Flag - Damaged - 1981
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzw1icue_Vc&list=PLw8I74P--tlVblJs9A9hmGXRvP3ir3Akj
I know OF Black Flag, but have not actually listened to them. I know Henry Rollins, who most of you will know from anything but his music, was the lead singer on this album (his first with the band). And I know they are punk, so listening to them after The Stooges should be interesting.
Well, it’s punk. Not 70′s possibly Austin Powers punk, but hardcore, jamming, screaming, angry punk. Not more lyrical like the Sex Pistols, but more heavy metal. Overall it’s not horrid like the Stooges, but it’s kind of exhausting to listen to.
All the songs are short, with a couple of exceptions at the more normal 3:30 or so mark, with one, “Six Pack” being 34 seconds. I had to listen twice because I thought something went wrong. “I got a six pack and nothing to do, I got a six pack and don’t need you”, poetry.
There’s some interesting songs like “TV Party” which calls out evening TV viewers as drones, “Thirsty and Miserable” which seems more of a teen cry for alcohol to numb the pain, and two title track versions with “Damaged I” and “Damaged II”, only 2 comes before 1 and I’m not sure exactly what’s going on in either!
I didn’t think this was going to be something I’d like, and I wasn’t wrong. But compared to the inanity that was The Stooges? This is FAR more enjoyable.
4/10, no playlist songs but not burning the record.
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488
488 - The Stooges - The Stooges - 1969
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9jPIf_V-70
Ok, never heard of these guys but it was also apparently Iggy and the Stooges at one time (Iggy being Iggy Pop). Heard of Iggy Pop, but not being a punk rocker I still couldn’t tell you what he’s done. So no expectations with this album going in.
And none after listening. This stuff isn’t...good. The music is basic, not bad, but nothing special. The lead singer’s voice is less than basic, pretty sure I could have managed that at 18. And the lyrics are laughably simple. Could have written them at 13. Maybe that works for some, but this was a hard pass for me.
Most popular song (and the best on the album) was “I Wanna Be Your Dog”. Not playlist worthy, just the least bad. When you add in a ton that sound just like it, only worse, and then a dash of attempted ballad with “Ann” that comes off creepy more than anything, and a 10 minute droning culty opus with “We Will Fall” it all adds up to garbage.
I get this might be “seminal” punk, but how this beat other albums into the top 500 is a joke. I’m betting I will come up with 200 albums, at least, that didn’t make it in and are better and more interesting. Music people suck.
1/10, stay away, use the album as a frisbee with your pup, it will be more enjoyable.
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489 - took a little while
489 - Phil Spector - Back To Mono - 1958-1969
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?reload=9&list=PLCS2LMIsOK0DiJ5P85txNLnc2LtQkHeHW
That’s only disc one. Of FIVE DISCS. Yeah, 60 songs on the original, more added later (that I did not review, I’m just a doctor Jim, I’m not a God) and I’m not linking all of them because I don’t hate all you anonymous people that much.
You should go into this (unlike my non-remembering ass) knowing that Phil Spector is currently serving a prison sentence for murdering his girlfriend in 2003. He’s up for parole in 2025. I don’t want him to make it.
It shows a bit with a couple of his selections here. Late in the album he’s got four from Ike and Tina Turner. “River Deep - Mountain High” is just great, Tina blasting out some iffy 50′s style lyrics like she don’t care, you’re going to like them, horns (think Ike was part of the horns) blaring and blasting. But let’s not forget that Ike was an abscess of a wife-beating asshole. So amazing she got away and did better after him. The other three are basic enough that even she can’t save them, would have preferred some “Proud Mary”. But not “Thunderdome”. NEVER “Thunderdome”.
There’s another song that stands out for it’s abusive lyrics from The Ronettes (about half the content on the album) called “He Hit Me (It Felt Like A Kiss)”. What. The. Actual. Fuck. Like, this was on the actual radio. She was untrue, so he hit her. And it showed that he loved her. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I’d have beat the shit out of any dude who pulled that garbage on my little girl. Thank God she was born in 2002 and raised to a) have respect for herself and b) be willing to stand up for it. Remember the good old 50′s? When people were pure (er...white) and loved America and God and...beat their girlfriends and it was ok? Oh yeah, it was ok. Remind those Boomers that this is what they grew up singing and dancing to and thinking was fine. I can’t with this Spector dude. I hope he and Bubba have the same kind of relationship in the ‘pokey’.
The rest of the album is mostly a complete waste of vinyl and should be melted in the sun to make art that you sell on the side of the road. It’s almost all Ronettes, the Cyrstals and some girl named Darlene. And a little Googling tells me that they traded members and songs and Darlene sang in lots of them. So with the exception of the shitstorm of a song that’s up above this paragraph, the whole list is pretty much the same bland, trashy, poppy 50′s music that is basically unmemorable.
Somehow, this dude got the Righteous Brothers four times on here as well? Between “Unchained Melody” and “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’” the latter of the two which I sang along with the groom and the rest of the groomsmen at my buddy’s wedding some time after “Top Gun” came out. Yeah, it was cheesy and there’s no video. So happy I missed the young and dumb with a smartphone era. These guys just kill, the lyrics are better than average (for this album they’re stellar!) and between the deep bass on “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’” and the powerful falsetto notes on “Unchained Melody” (not wimpy 50′s falsetto, hate that) it gives me chills. I know, they’ve been played in many movies and at many weddings, but tell me there’s a dry eye in the house when the happy couple dances to “Unchained Melody” and I’ll call you a liar.
Basically, IDK why Rolling Stone bothered with this shit. A compilation of garbage produced by a garbage human being. Ok, maybe bands he worked with were “influential” but that doesn’t make them “good”. And definitely not the best 500 of all time worthy. If this is on here and there’s no Weird Al, I’m DDOSSing the site.
2/10, too long, too bland and too horrible. I need to go listen to something to get these whiny voices out of my head. Save yourself feeling bad about your parents and skip this one.
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Number 490
490 - Linda Ronstadt - Heart Like A Wheel - 1975
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0vJNp5asqc&list=PLEditHKlAe036vCbDSLFjcYZO4wRa2L3t
Kind of looking forward to this one, my mom was a huge fan so I heard Linda on a number of her albums. I will say, I forgot how country she was, I thought she was more pop. That’s not a good thing, but we’ll run with it.
She has an amazing voice. It’s low pitched, not quite smoky but deep and melodic. She can hit high notes, and she absolutely belts notes out, no fear of cracking or straining. It’s awesome. I could listen to her do lots of songs. Unfortunately, the country on this album turns me off enough that I just don’t enjoy the songs themselves. LOTS of steel guitar. So Country, Much Western.
From the title track “Heart Like A Wheel”, through “Faithless Love” and on to “Keep Me From Blowing Away” everything is about lost love, bad men, cheating, etc. Must have been a big draw in country bars in 1975. I don’t know, I was six.
But it’s ALL the same subject and the music isn’t anything special. There are two iconic songs on here. “When Will I Be Loved” is an anthem for all the poor country ladies out there continuing to date more and more cowboys who break their hearts over and over again. If it had a little more length and depth, it’d be worth a shot. it’s bouncy and catchy and again she still kills it with her voice.
But the song for this album, and the one I added to my playlist, is “You’re No Good”. A more bluesy, powerful angry song about being wronged, her incredible voice is on display, singer her heart out to a great tune that still works to this day. Get this one on your list, or at least give it a listen and tell me that this isn’t a 1975 Alanis Morrisette.
Apparently all the songs on this album (including the best one) are covers. Interesting for that to make top 500, will we see Metallica’s “Garage Inc.” later? Doesn’t matter, still added “You’re No Good”.
5/10, for her voice and those iconic songs, and because it makes me remember my mom singing around the house. Good times...
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Number 491
491 - Harry Styles - Fine Line - 2019
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykOXkGxsAhs
Ok, the guy is apparently from One Direction. I know they were a more modern day boy band. And that’s about it, never heard one of their songs that I know of, never heard one of his that I know of. I’m scared.
I guess I got what I expected throughout this album. With only a couple of exceptions, he’s got his voice constantly autotuned. Not messy autotuned, but to make it melodic. Except on the couple he clearly doesn’t, his voice sounds fine. Not fantastic, not Freddy Mercury or something, but not me in the shower either. Why not just...I don’t know...sing?
The music is all very similar in either sound or lyrics or both. It’s all sappy-ish love songs and music that’s more “mixed” than “played”. “Golden”, “Adore You”, “Lights Up”, etc, and more just have the same feel, and it’s not good. I mean, it sells, boy bands and poppy crap always have. That doesn’t make it good, or worth listening to if you’re not a 14 year old girl.
There are a couple of songs that are a little different. “Cherry” is a weirdish song about a French girl, that’s all I can say, but musically it was a change. “Canyon Moon” almost hits a country-pop note, like some early T-Swifty, but neither are actually good.
“Falling” is. It’s too much chorus not enough lyrics for me (he has that habit in most songs on this album) but it’s not autotuned and he’s able to get some real pain in his voice. Was not expecting. If it gave me a little more depth into his pain, it’d be on my playlist right now, so this is one worth finding if you want to hear something that’s not just garden variety late 20-teens pop.
And then there’s the elephant in the room. “Watermelon Sugar”. 775M plays on Spotify for a song that came out last year. Wow. It’s poppy, yes, it’s got interesting breaks, yada yada. Still just pop and not good. But, listen to it and it’s obvious it’s about...oral sex. Specifically, oral sex on a female partner. Cunnilingus. Mouth congress. Muff diving. Carpet munching. Lip service. Yes, eating pussy. Made a whole song about it. Not a good song, but I’ll give the boy his props, that’s not easy to carry off AND get radio play. Which I’m sure this got and is still getting. It’s not subtle or overtly lyrical, it’s no “squeeze my lemons until the juice runs down my legs” or something, but it’s an accomplishment and it was about time the ladies got their due!
4/10. Nothing for the playlist, but between the getting airplay for yodeling in the canyon and the great tune in “Falling” it’s better than most of what I’ve listened to so far!
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Number 492
Bonnie Raitt - Nick of Time - 492 - 1989
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dy8gHfGIS_A&list=PLCjLGgbfOxrxqvNS7sqoSxgY8bB0EyvXJ
Ok, I knew I was in trouble going into this. I do NOT like Country. And that’s her genre. My ex-wife loved Country, so there was some torture regularly. And she like Bonnie, so I’ve heard a couple of these teeth grinders.
The one piece that stuck out regularly in this bland vanilla ride of boring doom was the synthesizer trying to be a piano. A VERY 80′s sound. And it’s in almost all of these songs. Maybe this was good for some stuff, but it doesn’t fit Country one bit, and it stands out like a sore thumb throughout.
She’s got a smoky-ish voice, and that usually gets me interested, but it’s bland for all that smokiness. And she cannot hit the hard, high notes. Why did no one tell her those were a bad idea? It’ll make you wince. And I blame it on the people around her, dammit.
From the title track “Nick of Time”, through songs like “Thing Called Love” (the big ‘hit’ here) and “Real Man” it’s all formulaic love songs that are interesting to those that think mayo is spicy. Seriously, this whole album has the flavor of an iceberg lettuce, mayo and wonderbread sandwich. Even a slice of baloney would have been welcome! But no, sadly, Oscar Meyer did not help out here.
“Nobody’s Girl” and “The Road’s My Middle Name” are musically different from the rest of the album. The first is mostly guitar, but the lyrics are about some poor girl who is bad at relationships. But not bad enough to really spice things up. The second is more of a bluegrassy pop song, and the music would be good with a) different lyrics and b) a different singer. Because those pieces are just bland, boring and unwanted.
This thing had all the spice of a breadstick. And not even an Olive Garden one, just one of those dry ones that you sometimes find in an Italian joint. No sauce to dip in, no flavor to speak of, and you’re left hungry and wanting SOMETHING to taste at the end.
3/10, don’t bother. If you like 80′s pop, there’s much better. If you like country, there’s much better. Just avoid.
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493
Marvin Gaye - Here My Dear - number 493 - 1978
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JpNi5mo4DHI&list=OLAK5uy_kGptgRDsWhF9Y3YGmxYk-_4tG2M-hQqTg
I had to dig a little before listening, because Marvin recorded this double LP as a part of a divorce settlement where he was ordered to make two albums and give the royalties to his ex-wife. Yes, you read that right. Divorce is weird.
Marvin clearly didn’t want to do this, and it’s ALL throughout the records. It’s not good, but that was the point. He clearly wanted to tank this album and give her as little as possible and it shows. From songs like “Here My Dear”, the title track that starts off is a song typical of his Mowtown sound, but is basically spitting about how silly it is that he has to do this, to the three times listed “When Did you Stop Loving Me, When Did I Stop Loving You” where he has lines like “If you loved me with all of your heart, you’d never take a million dollars to part” and “If you loved me, how could you turn me into the police” the whole thing is an ode to how badly he can make a record while still getting his last shots in on his ex-wife.
“Is That Enough”, the fifth song on the album, has 4M plays on Spotify. I can only imagine it’s to hear “Somebody please, tell me why do I have to pay attorney fees” and the backup singers repetitive “she was too possessive jealous” over and over. It’s surreal, especially when delivered with Marvin’s smooth as silk voice. This is a legit huge singer just cobbling garbage together to meet a court order and mess with his ex at the same time. Can we get more of this in the legal system today? Might make for some hysterical songs.
There’s also “Anna’s song” which is his wife’s name, and has about 20% of the lyrics just be “Anna”. Like she never got a song written about her so here it is bitch. The bitterness over all of the songs, the sarcasm in his voice is palpable, and I’m down with it.
There’s one song title “Anger” that again has horrible lyrics, but the beat is brilliant and I wish he’d done something else with this music, because it deserves much better. But we get back to things like “You Can Leave But It Will Cost You” which appears to be her words to him, and a divorce refrain for men everywhere.
3/10 just for the uniqueness of this record and Marvin’s smooth voice. Lost h im far too soon. Anna might have been in the right, but this album does the job of making her sound like a money grubbing ho.
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Number 494
The Ronettes - Presenting the fabulous Ronettes - 494 - 1964
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cM8NhAeCtig&list=PLkaK5DhzmyNnZ-ng_5mAP_6lOibw5XHfI
Now we get a classic. And by classic I mean, it’s older than me!
The Ronettes were a 60′s girl band, that sounds more like a 50′s girl band. “Be My Baby” and “Chapel of Love” are two iconic songs that most everyone has heard, whether it was on the radio, on your parent’s record player, or more likely in a movie or a commercial. And please note that “iconic” and “good” are not the same thing. Because nothing on this album really is.
Basically you move from sappy, to sugary, to sappy, to sugary, and on and on. When Wilford Brimley says “Diabeetus” he’s talking about this album. It’s so sickly sweet it makes my teeth hurt. It’s no big deal when you start with “Walking In The Rain” and “Do I Love You?” but it doesn’t ever really change. I know this was a standard for the time, but so was blatant racism, so that’s really no excuse.
There’s one song on here that stands out, just a little. It’s “How Does It Feel” which is kind of a breakup/angry song. Although she desperately wants the loser back. Maybe this is the “You Oughta Know” for 1964? A small break from the sap, but not memorable enough to ever heard again.
2/10, it’s the inoffensive music playing in the 50′s style diner with the little table jukeboxes where you’re plowing through enough cholesterol to let the heart attack get you before the diabeetus...
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Number 495
Here we go. Boyz II Men II. 495 - 1994
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLah2CKBu7H8SpRDRvowWhJb9WT3PVbT8m&app=desktop
Hip hop is not my thing. Boy bands are not my thing. This is the two mixed together. And I hate it like I hate cauliflower. I’ve tried it, I accept that it might have a healthy place in things, and I despise it like it wants to kill me.
You can’t avoid how melodic and harmonizing these guys are. It’s brilliant, beautiful and so well produced. And it’s crap. Because they are singing amazing about NOTHING AT ALL. Like it’s just garbage. I mean, it’s silly poppy stuff, and I’m sure that there a lots of girls (and women) who absolutely LOVE this shit, but if you pay attention it’s quite literally a way to get them panties off and get to doing something.
I have nothing against that specifically, but basing your music on it is a bit suspect. From the start with “Thank you” to “U know” and through to the end with “Water Runs Dry” it’s just a constant theme of “I’m in pain girl, make me feel better” with sex. Because that cures all things. Right? No idea, it’s been too long, but music can hit this, but should be MORE than this.
I listened to the entire thing. I found interesting bits in “Jezzebel” (”everybody want to be Atlanta brave”) and “Khalil” (where they literally talk about changing boys to men) but all in all, everything was extremely focused around getting a girl into bed. Period. There’s no more meat to this album than that.
Again, not at all against that, music has always been a way to stoke romantic fires, but in the top 500 albums of all time I either expect you to be a) better at is (this feels like it would work on girls ages 15-18 and that’s not quite where these “Boyz” are) or b) being subtle about it enough to both have good songs and get an actual woman there. This does neither, and isn’t memorable enough to add to a playlist. Unless you happen to be Chris Brown in which case I’m sure it’s part of your arsenal.
2/10, I can’t recommend unless you’re a 15yo boy trying to get lucky. And if it’s my daughter you’re trying that with, I’ll recommend some lovely funeral songs to go with it.
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Number 496
Shakira - Donde Estan los Ladrones - 496 - 1998
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_nQEVKLcHpQrez_1-VGaxhKnuEFOLlO8DA
I only know her from “Hips Don’t Lie” so I really didn’t want to know what to expect. I was pleasantly surprised.
Her voice is powerful. It’s not tuned here, not marketed, it’s just her. A mix of maybe Chrissy Hines and Shania Twain. It’s sexy, but powerful and RAW. Love that so much. I love a powerful female voice, more so because too many these days seem to be auto-tuned to death, and this girl has it.
She moves from “Ciega, Sordumuda” with some Mexican style horns (AZ kid, heard those a lot) to more poppy with “Que Vuelvas” easily. With a stop at things like “Moscas en la Casa” for a slow burning love song to “No Creo” which reminds me of Sheryl Crow-Jagged Little Pill. There’s enough pop for the masses but depth and passion if you listen.
We wind through some more items, the only one to mention is “Sombra de Ti” that has some breathy whispers that make me thing bad things, but then right at the end it’s “Ojos Asf” and this is a Lebanese/Samba jam that really kicks. I think I’m going to add this to my playlist despite having no idea what she’s saying. And as someone who most appreciates lyrics, that’s a big deal.
I love the combo all around of Latin overtones (I heard years of what I called Mexican Polka and horns in AZ, and those make appearances throughout) with a forceful but poppy beat. Her voice is sensual and powerful, sexy and strong at the same time. You should give this a listen whether you love her more mainstream stuff or not. 7/10, check it out Holmes.
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