useme-deleteme

[useme-deleteme]

me: has a breakdown because mental illness has ruined so much for me

also me: but am i really mentally ill tho?? how can i be sure? how do i know i’m not faking and making things up for attention?? i’m probably exaggerating because i want to be sick

[useme-deleteme]

Hey, you love me, right? You're not just keeping me around for the self esteem and ego boosts, right? You wouldn't do that to me, right????

[useme-deleteme]

Can someone just.. tell me it's okay, please? Like, I wish I could just... stop my brain. It's not fair and honestly I wish I could just disappear sometimes..

I feel so much fear and shame and guilt over so many things that it's ridiculous.. I feel like I'm not doing enough, or I'm being too clingy and annoying but I just.. I hold too closely to my favourite people and then I crumble when they're not here like... what do I do?

I'm so..

I feel like crying and curling up into a tiny ball and disappearing forever

#mine #vent

[useme-deleteme]

how difficult it is to have been an adult as a child and now a child as an adult

[useme-deleteme]

Tips With Dealing With Anxiety Because I Woke Up With An Internalized Panic Attack Part One

Listen to nature sounds

Watch a movie that makes you laugh

Take a walk

Go to your local animal shelter and hang out with the animals

Do a guided meditation or a few dozen to help you calm down

Do yoga

Write down on what makes you happy

[useme-deleteme]

So if you lived in a society where you had to secure your communication in order to be yourself around others, here are the apps that could help you do that.

[useme-deleteme]

Abused kid things:

having scars on your body you can’t remember how you got them

gaping holes in memory

feeling distortion in your limbs, your body doesn’t feel yours

always feeling terrified of being called out for a mistake

worrying that you are A BOTHER to everyone at all times

guilt for wanting attention

depriving yourself of attention to cope with guilt and thinking it will “toughen you up”

guilt for receiving attention

feeling uncomfortable whenever things are about you

always feeling seconds from being targeted for someone’s anger

being overly accommodating and still feeling it’s not enough and you will PAY FOR NOT DOING MORE

feeling you’re going insane

trying to blame your own symptoms on yourself

trying to shame yourself just like everyone else has shamed you

feeling life would be better if only you weren’t the way you are

craving for something horribble to happen to you just so you could stop anticipating it

fantasies of abuse + obligatory guilt for having fantasies of abuse

self doubt over weather you actually deserved or wanted to be abused

trying to prove to yourself that you didn’t

not knowing how to prove that to anyone else

trying to soothe yourself by explaining your symptoms away and telling yourself your fears are not real

wondering why you stayed alive this far

#ooft ouch

[useme-deleteme]

abandonment issues slayyyy

[useme-deleteme]

I'm so tired... I feel like I need to stop existing for a long time

#vent

[useme-deleteme]

I find it funny how often people on this website complain about someone misusing the word trigger, only to turn around and misuse it in an entirely different way by claiming that triggers only cause PTSD flashbacks.

[useme-deleteme]

eldest daughter syndrome and gifted kid syndrome are some great examples of phrases used to talk about specific kinds of trauma that the internet has taken and turned into "boo hoo these people arent special anymore so theyre lashing out!!" it was never about that you fucking cunts

[useme-deleteme]

 tbh i fully believe that healthy kids should be getting in some stupid trouble.

like, a child that’s in trouble all the time, frequently skipping school, getting caught doing crimes? that’s a kid that desperately needs literally any positive attention. that kid needs help. obviously.

but a child that is perfectly well-behaved, never speaks up for themself, is seen and not heard? that’s a child that’s afraid. they also need help.

[useme-deleteme]

I get scared and anxious and feel like I'm about to cry whenever I hear that type of aggressive voice... I don't know why.. it's only when someone who sounds Masculine in their voice raises it and yells with frustration, or anger and.. i can't stop feeling that way.

I feel so broken. I don't want to feel it..

#i dont want to feel this way man

[useme-deleteme]

[useme-deleteme]

I'm so dizzy... I was yesterday tok but idk why

#:(

[useme-deleteme]

people misunderstand what ‘gifted kid’ actually means but it’s ok it’s fine it’s cool it’s good

[useme-deleteme]

Shit abusive parents do

refuse to teach you anything but make sure to humiliate you for now knowing it already

pretend you’re “too old not to know this” even though they have never bothered explaining it to you once

continually criticize, sabotage, interrupt, and emotionally abuse you until you make a mistake out of stress and pain and then they decide you’re stupid and can’t do anything right

withhold information and then pretend it’s your fault you don’t know it

point out how they’re smarter, more valuable, capable, and more interesting than you are as if it’s a competition

scream at you while you try to learn something to make sure you’re dissociating and unable to recall how to do it later

call this method “teaching” and insist you just don’t want to learn

minimize the damage they cause to you and pretend they’re not doing anything harmful 

pretend that your situation is completely same as theirs or anyone else’s

decide your motives and intentions as if they’re having authority in your head

decide that anything good for you isn’t worth doing if it’s not 100% convenient and easy for them to do

do only the most easy convenient things for you and act like they’ve just given you the biggest treasure a human child has ever received

only do things for you that are used for pretense and presentation in front of other people that they’re good parents and they use it to sabotage your attempts of telling anyone what they’re really like (ensure nobody will believe you and that they seem perfectly nice in public/to friends)

scream at you for being human and doing human things as if you’re an abomination of the human race

blackmail you with resources you have no way of attaining except from them, but refuse to have it labelled as blackmail because they believe they have the right to do that much

expect you to be grateful

remind you over and over again how they’re the only reason you’re alive

convince you that you “owe” them for keeping you alive

convince you that you’re not worthy of existence then act surprised when you turn up suicidal

use your anxiety to get whatever they want out of you then act like it’s the least you could do for them

play the victim aggressively to the point where they hurt you and then cry as if you hurt them instead

make you feel guilty if you fail to devote every last piece of your life to making their lives easier and more comfortable

convince you that your life has no meaning beyond making their lives better and easier, and they’re not acknowledging when you do that either because it’s “only expected of you”

fake praise you in front of other people but never in private

talk in your name in front of other people subtly letting you know that you have no right to speak for yourself, and you’re supposed to accept whatever image they’ve created in other people’s eyes

embarrass and  humiliate you in front of others then laugh it off as a joke

use you as a social clown, as if your use is to make everyone laugh on your account

show off in front of others how much they can control you and order you around

punish you like hell in private if you don’t make them look good in front of others

treat you the worst they treat anyone in the entire world and if you point it out they insist that they should at least be able to treat you like that

humiliate you if you demand to be treated better and insist that you’re no royalty and why should they ask nicely 

if you refuse to be good and obedient they’re ready to disown and abandon you at any second and you know you’ll be labelled as the worst scum on earth and talked of as the worthless traitor everyone would be better off without

make you feel like you have no family at all.