vivid-vices

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the thing i am missing is the unhingedness. there isn't nearly enough pure chaos in my life now. i miss the insanity.

#there was so much weird before #i want it back 🥺 #ellie.txt

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Day 3- Found family

#bsd #bsd flags #bsd chuuya

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"you don't have to perform around me" sweetheart i have to perform in front of myself

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I just wanted to say that I really like you, I hope your life goes good from here on out, and you deserve better ❤️

omg you're so sweet 🖤 thank you so much!!

#idk if i do deserve better but that's another conversation #but!! you're very kind for saying so 🙏 #ellie.answers

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i've never met an emotion i couldn't suppress

#''i am indifferent yet (i am a total wreck)'' kinda thing going on in my head #ellie.txt

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[x] [x]

Testing out a different format in which I put both pages in the same post. We'll see what does better BUT here's the subbyzai as promised.

THIS IS NSFW, proceed at your own risk lol

#omg #bsd #skk

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Forgive yourself for the things that turned you into a ghost. Let me watch you love yourself solid again.

- Caitlyn Siehl

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I had my shit together for like 3 days once

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shinji ikari

#morizai. to me. #< prev

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reblog to pet prev

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I can’t believe I only just now noticed this.

But when Francis is using his ability, which is named after the irl Fitzgerald’s novel The Great Gatsby, he glows GREEN.

The GREEN LIGHT was a central narrative tool used throughout The Great Gatsby novel. It was a huge deal to Gatsby, and was a consistent metaphor for his love for his romance interest, Daisy.

Fitzgerald, whose character in BSD is meant to directly mimic Gatsby, has a wife and child he would commit atrocities for. He believes what Gatsby believes: that only through money and power can he can live happily with the people he loves.

He embodies the green light and everything it stands for when he activates his ability, and that’s so fucking cool to me.

#bsd #bsd fitzgerald #bsd meta

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10 on a plane, do you ask for apple or orange juice? (or something else?) 11 anything from your childhood you’ve held on to?

10. on a plane, do you ask for apple or orange juice? (or something else)

usually coffee :)

11. anything from your childhood you’ve held on to?

i have a stuffed bear i was given as a baby. i've repaired and restuffed him so many times but sometimes i still sleep with the poor threadbare old man

weirdly specific ask game

#thank you for the ask!! 🙏 #ellie.answers

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it's interesting to me that i grew up always dirty and in a generally unclean environment and am now obsessed with cleanliness and organization and bathing constantly whereas my roommate grew up in a house that looked like a magazine photoshoot and is now the messiest person i've ever met

#our vastly differing childhoods also show in our eating habits but that could be an entire other post #ellie.txt

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6 and 17!

6. do you use a watch?

no i just use my phone. i used to wear a smart watch but i had to start wearing a medical alert bracelet so i stopped.

17. an anxious compulsion you do everyday?

it's more like something i do constantly, rather than every day, but i'm obsessive about sanitation. like using hand sanitizer, using sanitizing wipes on surfaces i touch a lot, etc. kinda goes along with my general cleanliness fixation - i keep my apartment extremely clean because any level of mess makes me anxious.

weirdly specific ask game

#17 was so hard because i'm such a creature of habit but very little of it has to do with anxiety #but i AM anxious about cleanliness so i picked that #thanks for asking!! #ellie.answers