whodarestoloveforever

[whodarestoloveforever]

Neil!!!

[whodarestoloveforever]

You can only reblog this today.

#deadass got nothin relevant to say (lmao do I ever tho) #so fuckin uhhh #hAMmEr bRoS! hAmMeR HaMmeR HaMmEr bROS #goooooommbaaaaa #🍄 #queue

[whodarestoloveforever]

𝙵𝚎𝚋𝚛𝚞𝚊𝚛𝚢 𝟸𝟶, 𝟷𝟿𝟸𝟸 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙳𝚒𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝙾𝚏 𝙵𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚣 𝙺𝚊𝚏𝚔𝚊, 𝟷𝟿𝟷𝟺-𝟷𝟿𝟸𝟹

#queue

[whodarestoloveforever]

Hard to believe this was a year ago today.

I’m still so grateful I was able to see POTO the night of the 35th anniversary; it actually brings me to tears. 💕

#POTO #y’all if I think about it too long I start to fuckin cry #nothing will ever live up to that night I stg #because if I’m being real w y’all…getting to experience what I did made me content w/ being alive for the first time since I lost Mercury. #like I remember thinking to myself toward the end of the show ‘maybe it’s ok I’m still alive bc things like this make it worth it’ #like ik some ppl would read that and be like ‘it’s a fuckin musical it’s not that deep’ #but it fuckin is. I’ve loved POTO for almost 20 fuckin years #and I experienced something that made me feel true happiness in I don’t know how fuckin long #also not to brag (and sound insane) but *ahem* I was in the same room as ALW. Like I was breathing the same air he was breathing 😭 #AND I got to sing with Emile and Ben…yeah so maybe it was ‘happy birthday’ bUT FUCKIN STILL

[whodarestoloveforever]

We lost you on Thursday.

We laid you to rest today.

My entire life you were my best friend, and my Nana.

The dread and loneliness that consume me attempting to comprehend the reality that you’re gone feels insurmountable, but otherwise is indescribable.

And I ask myself a question almost identical to one I’ve heard numerous times before, but is now so raw, painful and real:

How can such a strong person,

a life brimming with so much energy and love,

a soul so powerful,

simply…disappear?

You lived life in a way that made the inevitable seem impossible. You made 95 years seem too soon. In the past 15 years alone you battled and fully recovered from heart surgery, a stroke, emergency surgery, cancer, and technically even covid. You could’ve lived forever, proved immortality is actually possible, and it would’ve been less of a shock than this. I genuinely never expected to outlive you.

Thank you for quite literally everything you’ve ever given me, and for all the memories I have of/because of you.

For the memories I share with D and H, and even with B; all the times I’d come over to your apartment on a Saturday evening, and we’d order Chinese food (was there ever a time you didn’t get sesame chicken?), then set up the pullout sofa-bed exactly the way you wanted it, and finally watch a movie or tv until we’d doze off. It didn’t matter how late mom and dad would pick me up the following day, they always came too early.

For all the trips the two of us would take to the mall to get dinner from some place in the food court, and then walk around and shop…and sorry for all the times I pulled you into Hot Topic, I know you hated going in there.

For the countless stories you got to tell me about relatives I never had the chance to meet.

Even for the times I took you to doctor’s appointments, because we’d still spend time together afterwards, whether it was going to the diner or Red Lobster, or just going back to your apartment and keeping you company.

And even for all the things that may seem unimportant or even silly;

Like when you were the only one who showed genuine anger after the girl who bullied me left a threatening note in my backpack, and you told me to “punch her right in her fucking face”.

Or that one time mom and I were at your apartment and she had seemingly gone through every channel on your tv, but still couldn’t find something you wanted to watch, so she gave up and handed me the remote. So I sat down next to you on the couch, then almost immediately found and put on IASIP for us; you thought it was the funniest fucking show(and of course you decided Charlie Day was your favorite before we’d even finished one episode).

I’ll miss everything about you, right down to the smart ass remarks, the multiple, sometimes nonstop phone calls, and the never ending voicemails that’d fill up the mailbox on mom’s phone.

I could go on forever, but it would never be enough; 5 giant trifold boards filled with cards and photos of you throughout the years with various family members and friends could only display the tiniest fraction of photos, and memories, that really exist. All of the family and friends in one room for you, and it felt so wrong that you weren’t right there along with us.

Your hair and makeup looked amazing. And I promise that you were taken care of by some of the best in the industry, at least one of them a former classmate of mine, so you were not left alone with strangers like you’d so often worry about.

Mom got you your newspaper and gave it to you along with $5;

Ash bought you your usual lucky numbers for the next lotto drawing and gave that to you;

I snuck a $20 into your pocket, just like you’d do to me and all your other grandchildren.

We made sure, and I think it’s safe to say that you’ve got pretty much everything you usually need and want, so you’re all set for wherever it is you may be.

The last time I visited you, before saying goodbye I told you, “I’ll see you soon”. I hope so badly that somehow, in some way, I’ll be able to.

#tw loss #tw death #tw grief #rest easy Nana♥️

[whodarestoloveforever]

Happy 77th Birthday, Freddie Mercury!

5th September 1946

[whodarestoloveforever]

You may’ve been a scaredy-cat, but you’ll always be braver than me.

[whodarestoloveforever]

Mr. Gorgeous Eyebrows aka Michael Stuhlbarg

#˚✧₊⁎💖Happy 55th Birthday bbgirl٩( ᐛ )و💞⁎⁺✧༚ #*Bernie Sanders voice* ‘I am once again reblogging the same fuckin gifset for this beautiful bitch’s bday’ #at the last minute too? hell fuckin no. I’ve just spent the entire day watching all the movies he’s been in soo 💁🏻‍♀️ #he better be treatin his 55th as his golden bday or eLSE… ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) #deadass forever thinkin about spanking him and calling him babygirl. #but also fuck u and your eyebrows. u fuckin short king fuckin dump truck ass bINCH #I just 🥴🥵🤤🫠 u kno?? #all my homies love Michael Stuhlbarg♥️

[whodarestoloveforever]

#mood

Seinfeld (1989 - 1998)

#queue #happy pride 🌈 #y’all thought I wasn’t gonna do it again #but I dID FUCKIN S I K E #in the future if June 1st comes and goes without me posting this #consider me relapsed or dead 🫡

[whodarestoloveforever]

You would’ve been 9 today. Where ever you are, I wish I was there with you. I love you and miss you so much, and I’m so sorry for everything.

#happy birthday my sweet baby boi #I miss you so much that it physically hurts #It should’ve been me #and you deserved so much more than anything I could’ve ever given you.

[whodarestoloveforever]

Happy Neil banging out the tunes day

[whodarestoloveforever]

𝙵𝚎𝚋𝚛𝚞𝚊𝚛𝚢 𝟸𝟶, 𝟷𝟿𝟸𝟸 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙳𝚒𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝙾𝚏 𝙵𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚣 𝙺𝚊𝚏𝚔𝚊, 𝟷𝟿𝟷𝟺-𝟷𝟿𝟸𝟹

#queue

[whodarestoloveforever]

Happy 76th Birthday, Freddie Mercury!

5th September 1946

#Happy Birthday bb💛 #Thank you for being there when no one else was. I literally would not be alive if it weren’t for you.

[whodarestoloveforever]

Oh for real? I guess that must mean grief is a fuckin uhhh..

~death machine~

because holy fucking shit no please fuck no it has not been a year already no please don’t do this to me what the actual fuck please I can’t take this shit anymore I can’t

literally I can’t fucking do this anymore I’m so tired of pretending fuck this I am OUTTA HERE-

*rel*pses hardcore on fucking everything and drops dead so I can finally see my baby again*

#Fuck you Co-Star #No I didn’t actually rel*pse and no I’m not gonna kms just sayin 😒 #TW pet death #TW grief #I have done nothing but write today. And I’m posting it later. But for now.. literally a shitpost about my baby’s yahrzeit I guess🤦🏻‍♀️ #I hate myself Iwannadiesobad🙃 #Personal

[whodarestoloveforever]

Haven’t been on here in a few months. Life’s been keeping me busy, it do be like that sometimes 😐

A year ago today, my baby turned blue at the vet and we had to rush him to the ER. 

And we had multiple vets tell us the prognosis was not looking good. 

And we took what felt like an eternity, and very painfully decided that…maybe it’s best if he’s no longer in pain?

And then one of the vets came into the room, and told us Mercury suddenly started breathing on his own again. 

And then an hour later, he was conscious again. 

We took him home 24 hours later. Literally every vet that told us how bad his situation looked, described the whole thing as nothing short of a “miraculous recovery”. 

It still doesn’t feel real. He was so brave and so strong. He was more brave and strong than I could ever be. I don’t care if he was “just a cat”, he was my cat, and more than that, he was my fucking baby. 

I should be the one who’s fucking dead. I would never be able to get through what he got through. I wish I was killed by my ab*ser years ago; then both my cats wouldn’t have been tortured by him, and my baby would still be alive. 

I’m so sorry Mercury, I love you my sweet baby boi. 

#tw pet death #tw abuse mention #srry y’all :/

[whodarestoloveforever]

The feminine urge to be fucked stupid by a bulky, dominant and protective fictional man with big tits.

#I am so not thinkin about Colin Farrell’s Penguin rn lol 🙃 #I am most definitely not thinkin about how I’d have one hand squeezin a tiddy and the other squeezin his ass while he rails me. nope not me🙂 #imagine producing actual tears bc you’re so fuckin horny?? crazy. couldn’t be me. #I am so normal. I am being so normal about this. #in fact imma actually- *logs off* #😩🥵

[whodarestoloveforever]

what the fuck is going on

#what in the actual fuck #y are ppl so fucked up for no reason. I fuckin hate it here