writer-motivator

[writer-motivator]

im alive. and think, omg, BACK UP AGAIN ????? by that I mean… writing!!!! the past months…. Have been rough and hit a point where writing felt nothing to me and it was so bad I hated it! Cuz writing is such a big part for me… but while working on this bb project which I NEEDED to complete…. Wow I think I’ve gotten my love n passion and most importantly, WANT for writing back???? It’s so beautiful ahhhhh. Like it’s been a hot while since I sat down and thought about writing so conciously like this while Actually Writing and it felt so nice and so great. Especially when I wrote stuff that felt so so much oh my god. Like my writing heart/soul is SO DEF BACK n im so so so happy. Ready to get that writing log back and to get back in the game heh ^^

#march 2024 #10th march #8:23 #hehehe #I mean. I did have like. stuff ideas I wrote down #and before this. DID do actual writing #for my tou//kdn… heh…. which was soooo unexpected but VERY happy thing #but it feels diff right now #and yeah I did feel like writing for my current Obsession but didn’t really have #a strong desire to write for it. but kind of do now // when I realised what I can/do want to write about #which… I forgot what it was but yeah. #just saying. #8:24 #also want to join an ss project…. so writing to do for that ahahah #AHHHHH I FEEL SO ALIBE N SO WRITING ITS SO LOVELY :’ #I am #so so happy #since writing is like #such a big part of me IT FELT SO WRONG WHEN I FELL OIT OF IT #this feels so much more real. and so much like — everything is back in order which I love so so much :’ #8:26 #ok. signing off now.

[writer-motivator]

soul searching.

#feburary 24 #4th Feb #oh… look…. it’s already Feb….. #soul searching aka trying to write again. will DO.

[writer-motivator]

okay apparently the writing pause is only for MD rn as I was first only… really reading my ss ponytail wip, got the urge to read it again and somehow find myself at the preg fic again… and I *do* like it, tbh. But… SOMETHING bothers me about it ngl. I do (23:35) not know what exactly. It feels like something is slightly off — like you know, when you think is something in the middle but.. it’s a tiny bit to the left. It feels like that. I do struggle a lot with writing them despite SOB how much of a otp they are to me… which is really. The most fcking frustrating shit. Anyway. I think… it might the beginning part? The pov voice… something bothers me in it. But *not* sure on what it is. :/ I mean. I THINK I kinda on what it is, but…. At the same im not? Sure? Well. Time to poke at it and *see*

#january 2024 #23rd jan #HEHEHHE my ss era? well aren’t I a happy bird #very happy bird #thank u for that dream heh

[writer-motivator]

but urgh very hard to try so fjjfjfjf cuz the MD feels are sooo strong rn and all I wanna do is take advantage of it. wait. but I DID get an idea today. what was it… RIGHT !!!!! what if like. she knew the truth, somehow, but not. like thro madam telling her cuz (23:19) I really like how madam wanted the strength to tell her but in the end — despite even that chance she got — she… couldn’t. it’s so nnngh. good to me. u don’t understand. so like her *finding* out through some way and despite that, falling for him is so heheheh to me. like also it’s so fun to couple this with. how. HE DOESNT LITERALLY REMEMBER THE DEAL HE MADE. like. cuz he makes deals with u know so many people and this… was years ago. not even 5 years. over ten. it’s so chefs kiss to me that he… just doesn’t remember. even more keenly angst IM SOOOO. <3 also v in love with how this dynamic would be like. asshole him from the start and her who knows. and like. DESPITE THAT. THEY GET TANGLED AND HEHEHHE SHE STILL FALLS FOR HIMMMM. gah. like. this is literally everything to meeeee.

hmmmmmm. I got back major MD feels today. but. I don’t think I wanna try and write. like I feel… like I need to give myself a big ass BREAK even tho im so so tempted to try and write or go into ideas and think of writing fjjfjf. i wanna give myself more break. I feel like that’d be good for me.

#I wonder if she *knows* fro #from when he comes to her that time and he tries to strike a deal #yes yes yes that would be so hehehehe #but ALSO I like her finding out *early* in their bodyguard dynamic which would be also so v chefs kiss #23.23 #listen. I know I said no writing no like ideas creating #but this is different. it just CAME to me #talking about me. trying to open my wip doc etc #but if an idea/writing COMES to me. I’ll do it #otherwise. it’s no for writing #ANYWAYS YEAH #23rd jan #january 2024

[writer-motivator]

hmmmmmm. I got back major MD feels today. but. I don’t think I wanna try and write. like I feel… like I need to give myself a big ass BREAK even tho im so so tempted to try and write or go into ideas and think of writing fjjfjf. i wanna give myself more break. I feel like that’d be good for me.

#writing to force the writing… I mean the prompts or whatever for MD…. while *i* wanted to try it #it really……. didn’t work #I just. feel like I need a break #like rn #writing feels. hard to *get* out #and I think partly is because I just. need a break. go to other things #u know #maybe im wrong but eh #I like this break time for me rn #23rd jan #january 2024

[writer-motivator]

okay accident stumble in ss idea fjjfjfjf which really started as me going I WANNA DAYDREAM BUT IT FEELS STALEEEE like I CANT re loop the same ass daydreams anymore because it isn’t stimulating anymore and really was panicking a lot cuz ITS MYYYY COMFORT. literally. it’s my comfort thing to do. I Needed it back. so I was like what if I Plan and was talking with my pal, pi, about it and it was really fun and I STUMBLED ACROSS THE IDEAAAA Of like. not even for my ss BUT INSI!!!!!! So crazy. But so fun. I don’t want… to actually write it rn. But idk anyways, that stirred back my daydreams almost back to normal. Still a disconnect tho :/ mostly because I think I should *try* to write down these daydreams…. MAYBE….. not actual write-write since im not up for that rn but Yeah.

#january 2024 #23rd jan

[writer-motivator]

urgh even with my ideas that i have i cant just WRITE it (looking at the wip i started yesterday…) it feels like ive forgotten how to write blergh….. maybe i should be reading some fics again….. okay. maybe i should get the prompts out and write some aimless stuff to get my writing muscles stretching again. okay. that sounds like a good idea. lets trying to do that…..

#january 2024 #21th jan #edit: im so fhgbjfbg indecisive took 7 mins to find prompt list to just write to #now that i got it it’s WRITING TIME lets go me whooo hoo

[writer-motivator]

I WANNAAAA HAVE WRITTEN FICCC I WANTTTTT TO HAVE POST AND WRITTENNNNN

#january 2024 #21st jan #🥺🥺🥺 #all of my wips for MD r not nearly finished at all #and the two of the wips that could…. be… #need timeeee #SIGH

[writer-motivator]

omg got an idea as i was working on my marriage wip, well. more like rereading it again first before i worked on it. ANYWAYS, point is omg what if an au where there’s no like what was up with ep9 and they do have that ‘happy ending together’ and she’s kind of 40 and she’s dying but he has aged with her, too, and thinks that this means that he’ll die u know. as human, now that his tattoo will go with her but… when she dies, HIS TATTO COME BACK TO HIM !!!! HES IMMORTAL AGAIN !!!!! okay omg. but at the same time, i kinda want this but like. during canon, like heheheh she dies he couldn’t save her in time and this is before when they know that if she dies, his tatto comes back. heheheh. 22;48

#january 2024 #20th jan #something to think on hmmm

[writer-motivator]

can’t believe (22:23) I had written stuff in my head for the MD time travel wip but I didn’t write anything down as I was feeling the inspo and the word going SIGH but at least I got… like. plot points (the ones I remember anyway) to work with.

like —

the way he will suddenly find himself in his office; mr. park will be there and he talks as if you know he was just with her a sec ago and mr. Park is like ????? what r u on about.

he sees the tattoo and he’s so happy but also SO CONFUSED, thinking maybe it’s a dream. urgh, it’s a bit annoying how I forgot a lot of the sequence but: I want him to gradually find out *what’s off* especially when he mentions how he lost his powers, her, and mr. Park. is so horribly confused and he is like. first, stop playing me

and mr. park is like. anyways, here are papers to sign and he’s about to go, urgh, but then. wait. I have my powers?! this will be easy peasy again heh. and thinking urgh. what’s there… right… he’s happy about having his powers back but also. is like. what happened. and wondering if he’s going to call her but then finds out that, he doesn’t even have her contact?????? what happened. then, he sees the date.

that’s an entire month before.

but it’s impossible.

he can’t turn back time; pause time? yes, but turn time forward but past is impossible for him. what the hell is going. first, he thinks it’s a dream but it can’t be — so: he must have turned back time or. he must have like. everything else must have been a dream. he maybe checks up her and finds out she’s real, but like. maybe. he goes. maybe he saw her name somewhere, he eats cake after all.

AH… right. I also had an idea for him to order cake to celebrate himself right now. yeah. and what else was there….. mmmmh…

Right. Urgh…. Head is tired….. bye………… 22:31

#january 2024 #20th jan #giving pat to myself for managing to write this down #A FEAT <3 #I /did/ manage to write it down #even as messy and muddy my mind feels like #I’m so proud of myself

[writer-motivator]

I’ve been thinking about the idea where madam meets him and honestly, it feels too annoying trying to think of an au where she lives — oh, okay. I never thought of it like that before. an au where madam lives because hello??????? I thought it was more like. an au where slight canon divergence. so that’s. interesting. but also I could make this a more *they meet sooner* and more, madam finds out that do do hee is in the hospital and she’s *concerned* and stuff happens. I guess. time to think on this I guess

#january 2024 #20th jan

[writer-motivator]

the latest ep of MD had got me thinking about a series of vignettes that has the moments of where gosh, he’s just… there at her side. I want to write that fic. like I can’t… just do right now. I mean. like I *would* like to write that, but when I think of doing it… I don’t know how I’d start it at all, and I don’t think I’m ready to start it yet, either. just. mmmh. need some time. But it’s on my mind. It would be fun. Ahhhh. Wait. I can explore like. How he FCKING LEAVES HIS… NECKLACE. I think this was. Just purely for plot reasons, but he doesn’t???? Leave his ring???? And he apparently goes to that spot, so I wonder what reason he had left his necklace, maybe because of the *terrible* memories associated with it, anyways. Yeah. It would be *fun* think explore how he leaves his necklace, and how he ends up staying by her side, without her knowing. It would be so good.

#january 2024 #20th jan #man it’s already 20 crazy as heck

[writer-motivator]

also so I don’t forget, I had a breakthrough with one of my other ideas that I wanted to do something with but… like just didn’t know what to do with it. the one where he meets madam when she’s alive and she recognizes him. like. it’s so fun, the way. he meets her as the bodyguard and madam. REALISES him. and she’s having a oh my god moment but like. he and her are… so unaware. and like. it’s so fun to think of that. but. urgh, I might have to swap things around, as she is dead before they can. like have an opportunity to meet her

#january 2024 #19th jan #now that’s like. two wips I worked on

[writer-motivator]

thinking again of the reverse au, it’s just. mmmmmh. I want something with it, but the problem is that. I’m just. so disinterested in the human swap for him. like. I don’t care for a human him and whatever life he may be living. like. it seems so insignificant. lol, insignificant. like. I feel. like. ohhhh I remember, the thought I had. like. the way their past life is the same, but what’s different is. like. he just. dies. he isn’t the one who is turned, but her. and I wonder, if she remembers. and oh, I really do… oh. oh. what if he doesn’t remember, yes, but he still keeps that hate he has for humans, despite being one. and what if. like. he’s in the “underworld” maybe. idk but omg, thinking of human!him who still hates humans but not knowing why, and oh… time to think about her. like does she remember or does she not? is it about how she doesn’t like the way she lives, or maybe, she’s… like. the way she, when she was a human, was lowly but now, as a demon, she doesn’t have any of that — she’s at the top, she’s no longer bound by that, but still thinking about how she’s him now. as in one who lives continuously from others misfortune and despair now. yeah, she’s a diff character as in… she starts off differently. but. mmmh. I wonder how she’s like, when she’s making contracts. (21:53) something to think but so *excited* at how I got something for this reverse au. I’m soooo happy hehehehhe. this is Going. :)

#january 2024 #19th jan

[writer-motivator]

one of these days… not today, but somewhere prev two days… I worked on dreams with u… just to note down

#january 2024 #man I’m so behind on my writing log #urgh #whatever I’ll do it one day

[writer-motivator]

made small edit rn to the clock wip… which I worked on yesterday but made more big steps then! like I had problem with like how to continue it after I’ve written the scene to my og idea but didn’t feel right to just *end* it there. and like. really just brought back that first continuation idea I had for it but changed it a bit. and it’s a really good foundation, tho it has a lot of edits I wanna to do for it……

#january 2024 #17th jan #18th jan

[writer-motivator]

what the hell did I even do today. urgh it’s so hard to keep track. blergh. I know that I did a sorta idea list for md and I think I… no… I didn’t work on any of the md wips, that was yesterday. which I haven’t logged in yet. blergh.

#january 2024 #18th jan