xxrucareneexx

[xxrucareneexx]

😊 https://www.instagram.com/p/Cpf6tSNOY4r/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[xxrucareneexx]

Time sure does fly and I'm fighting back my urge to cry. My baby is so grown. 🥲🥲🥲 https://www.instagram.com/p/CpSlQtwORYn/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[xxrucareneexx]

My gift this year was so thoughtful, personal and sentimental. It's the story of us and all the things Jason loves about me. The cartoon characters are us! Everything was personalized by Jason and I cried like a baby. One of my favorite gifts so far. He really does go above and beyond. He always tries to better himself for our family; deepen our connection and find ways to make me smile. I love him so much. https://www.instagram.com/p/CosFValuKhl/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[xxrucareneexx]

2023 is the year we get our ish together. Saving money. Getting healthier and not just physically. Enjoying my family and just loving life. ❤️ https://www.instagram.com/p/Cn2PBRnOWNT/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[xxrucareneexx]

These crack me up. My weirdos. 🥰 https://www.instagram.com/p/Cn08P3oOXmu/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[xxrucareneexx]

There’s no explanation…

[xxrucareneexx]

Sweet man o' mine came home with a Poinsettia for me! Always making me feel loved and special when I'm least expecting it. ☺️ https://www.instagram.com/p/CmfeM9bOW1A/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[xxrucareneexx]

Then eating the same thing for days

[xxrucareneexx]

You knead to rise up

[xxrucareneexx]

I thought it was called gleating. 🤔

Used to shoot 3 desks over

[xxrucareneexx]

Have you ever, though?

[xxrucareneexx]

Christina Bothwell: While You Were Sleeping (2007)

[xxrucareneexx]

[xxrucareneexx]

Me posting on tumblr:

[xxrucareneexx]

[xxrucareneexx]

Men don't realize we give them our all. Every single day for us is a struggle and a stress to continue being what he wants. What he is attracted to. What he thinks about. What he wants to look at. I'm not even in his recents but she was and it just bothers me and makes me feel like dang. He thinks this female looks good. I don't look like that. Is that what he wants? Is he settling again. Am I just a pretty face with an alright physique?

I keep my insecurities in check but I just wanna be what this man wants. Everything I do is literally only to get his attention. To get him to see me. And not just physically but beneath it all. He says I'm always the prettiest girl in the room so why does her page need his eyes?

Guys always say they have what they want but then they look at everyone else that's nothing like us. That we don't even slightly resemble and it leaves room for questions. He said men are visual and I obsess over trying to be and remain what is visually appealing. 

I hate feeling like this. It's like guys are always going to be on the prowl for the next best thing and it won't matter that I'd take a fucking bullet for him or have his babies. It won't matter that I try and do all the sweet little nothings that might set me apart from other girls. It won't matter that I literally don't think of anything but being only his and him asking me for the rest of our lives together one day. It won't matter that sometimes I write down Felicia Renee Lewis just to see what it looks like and smile because it looks and sounds so damn good. It won't matter that I legitimately don't care about any other guy. At the end of the day they are always going to look and think and look again and then still go home and be inside of us anyways. I wanna feel like I'm enough but how am I supposed to when all the effort I make to be okay being me period gets trampled on by some chick who does squats for a living.

When will it feel like I don't have anything or anyone to worry about.

Why can't I just not let this bother me. It's so hard because all we want is to feel like the only girl in a sea on trillions and the waves always end up pulling us under when we think we are shining and gleaming in the sun on the surface. But when you go down you see it's dark and full of the unknown. And that's the shit ass thing about being vulnerable and giving your body and your heart to one person. 

They could just change their mind or decide on someone else at any time.

I Def haven't felt like this in a good while. And I just want it to go away. But again I'll comfort myself and tell myself what I wish he'd take the initiative to and I'll press on and keep telling myself that I know my heart and my worth as a woman and the man that's meant for me (that I want to believe is Jason) will be there always and catch me when I fall. But now I'm just hitting ground and it hurts like a mother.

#relationships #love #sad #problem #notgoodenough #nevergonnabehappy

[xxrucareneexx]

“You walk in and out of the house, and you still don’t see it. The pain in her eyes, the sadness in her voice, the change in her posture… it’s all right there. Staring at you in the face, and yet you still don’t see it. You are so focused on YOU that you don’t even see her anymore.”

— Mr. Amari Soul