yernozeros

[yernozeros]

Wow, I will graduate high school in 6 months and I thought that I will be free after but now it's the middle of the night and I am terrified and what do I do after that and what if no university will accept me and what if I'll never find a job and will have to live in misery until I die and why is everything so goddamn expensive and holy shit I don't even have a drivers licence I am not ready to be a fucking adult please help

[yernozeros]

My body and my soul were not born for a fullfilling, long and happy life. I was born to experience bittersweet life quick and rough, with its full force hitting me like a car. And yet, I am not living.

[yernozeros]

Summerbreak after six (6) weeks

It‘s the last week already, huh? Time flies by..

Work was a mess. I messed up and somehow money went missing and we did not find put where it went. It was a stupid mistake, that easily could have been avoided. I kinda bawled my eyes out on my way home. And when I got home, too. The mistake is messing with me, it feels like I will fuck it up over and over again.

Also, school starts next week again and I‘m not sure, if I will survive school AND work. Especially because it‘s my last year. I‘m scared, that I‘ll mess it up.

Also, found out that the clown from the dashboard is a One Piece character. That‘s cool but he‘s still creepy.

This summer was…quite something. Nothing good, though. I feel like my mental health‘s fucked, just as my sleep schedule. I‘m anxious and burned out and I miss my friends. I miss my old happiness, something that would actually last for a while.

And I‘m so, so tired.

Good night, summer. I‘ll wake you, when you taste like sweet, golden honey again.

#diary entry?? #sleep deprived af #mental health #summer #summer break

[yernozeros]

Summerbreak after five (5) weeks

What the hell is this creepy clown-pirate, who‘s sitting on a barrel doing on tumblr? They are staring into my soul and I‘m scared.

Which is why I‘m doing a super short post today.

Work was scary af. Lot of customers and only me and one dude in the kitchen working. He was very busy. I was kinda panicking and forgot lots of drinks. People were pissed because it took very long. Homeboy said winter will be wayyyy worse and I‘m terrified. But my friends visited me.

Kinda like reading Batfam crossover fanfics for some reason. Probably found family trope. I love found family trope.

That‘s it. That was the update. Goodbye.

#Whats with the creepy clown #customers are scary #batfam #found family trope #diary entry?? #someone help me #sleep deprived af #pirate clown #wtf tumblr #i‘m scared #why is he like this #???

[yernozeros]

Summerbreak after four (4) weeks

Zamn, my sleep schedule is getting worse and worse. I‘m pretty tired, too so I‘m gonna keep this one short.

Work was pretty good, actually.. the customers were really kind and I got some good tips, even tho I did not have a lot of customers. But I did kinda messed up with all the end-shift-routines(?), that contains restoring used drinks and noting them. It sounds pretty easy, but I kinda did not find the storage (there were two of them and I swear I did not for the love of god find the second one). Also I messed up because I used the wrong drink to make apple spritzer. Like, there already were full bottles with apple spritzer but I mixed the apple juice with sparkling water, with is not a problem for the customer but more for the storing and stuff..(tbh I did not really understand why but I did understand that it is a SERIOUS thing).

Also, I‘m kinda scared now that I messed up with the noting part because it‘s done in a computer program with a chart but I‘m kinda scared rn because I have the feeling that I wrote into the wrong column. Which is a really bad problem. Like huge. AND I forgot to bring out the empty bottles.

So yeah, did a lot of mistakes, am really anxious now and hope that I will do better.

See you next week and good night/morning

#sleep deprived af #sleep is for the weak #diary entry??

[yernozeros]

Summerbreak after three (3) weeks

It‘s me again, hi.

The second work day was pretty good but only because I only had like two customers. Yeah, I know, the more customers, the more you can learn and the more tips you get, I know, I know. But my anxiety is literally fucking me up badly. Like really badly, I-nearly-vomited-before-my-shift bad. Also, the shift was only two hours long. Next Thursday is my third shift and it‘ll be my first shift alone. I do not know how I will get into the shop, I literally have no key and I‘m too intimidated by my co-workers to ask. I got into this job with the intention to better my social anxiety, my pretty bad math skills and my communication skills and I thought that if I just jump into the cold water, I will get used to it. I really hope that it‘ll work because I really can‘t afford therapy, which is why I‘m trying to fix it myself. Well, only time will tell, how I will do..

Also, tomorrow my family will go on vacation. The Netherlands. My sister is moving there for some time and Mom thought, that we should visit the city a little bit. Actually, I really do not want to.

But what can I do? I‘ll try and enjoy it.

Until next week then, byeee!

#diary entry?? #still sleepy #Work was alright I barely had an anxiety attack #which is nice #I really hate anxiety attacks

[yernozeros]

Summerbreak after two (2) weeks

Yeah, first day at my job was kinda cringe and full of stupid mistakes but at least my colleague said that I did pretty well for the first day?? She could be lying tho and my anxiety is literally skyrocking.

About the whole Good Omens thingy: My sister heard me whining and talking about the series (and about how the bonus x-ray videos do not pop up on our prime video (she pays for it , so it‘s actually hers but yk COMMUNISM)) so she bought me the book (with my money because I‘m working now, so actually I bought it). I love it. There is nothing more to say, I just know I love it even tho I didn’t even finished yet lol.

Also, if you are the person, who bought the penguin pretty version of The Little Prince, fuck you because I wanted to buy it to annotate it for the 18th birthday of my friend. I swear, I was in the bookshop ONE day before that to check if it was still there and had to immediately sprint to the bus station to get my bus and I thought ´yeah, I‘ll buy it tomorrow, after my first workday‘ AND THEN IT WAS GONE. AND I DIDN‘T GET MY BUS ANYMORE AND HAD TO WAIT AN HOUR. But also, lots of fun with it, I guess. I hope you‘re happy with it.

Tomorrow my sister and I will probably watch a movie in the theaters, either Barbie or Meg 2. I will wear a Barbie-appropriate outfit nonetheless, even if we watch Meg. At least the Make-up has to be right.

Well, hopefully next week will be a really good week. I will keep you updated, if my second workday will be absolutely catastrophic or fine. Wish me luck and until next week!

#sleep deprived af #acquired a Good Omens book

[yernozeros]

Summerbreak after one (1) week

Folks, a lot happened. Mom wanted me to be productive, which is why I have a job right now, I guess. I‘m starting to work next Wednesday and I must say, that I am, in fact, VERY very anxious. Do not ask me why I‘m working as a waiter when I very much hate human interactions.

Also, I watched the second season of Good Omens (kinda helped with my anxiety but fucked up my sleep schedule lol) and I absolutely loved it. It was absolutely beautiful and adorable, even though the ending ripped my heart out. I‘m filling the void with loads of fanfictions and semi-happy edits on tiktok and it‘s fine. It‘s not like I am listening to Somebody to love by Queen on repeat to cope with this empty feeling in my chest, not at all.

Well, I hope I will do a good job next Wednesday and maybe I will even get over my heartbreak by then, we will see. Wish me luck; until next week!

#Good omens 2 shattered my heart #Diary entry?? #Neil gaiman what happened to quiet and romantic?? #Got a job maybe #I can finally pay for therapy