bananazep

[bananazep]

i just want to invite all my friends over to have a glass of water with me

[bananazep]

[bananazep]

Image by Myléne

[bananazep]

The Quays of Bordeaux in the Fall

Gif by Boris Cargo || IG

#art #this is cute #ok tw again #i have a fuck ton of bad experiences with me having a mental breakdown and needing the presence of a certain person #and them either refusing to be in my presence or refusing to respond to me #i would do anything for you especially when youre having a breakdown #i just need you here #im not angry i just have trauma about this kind of situation #so i anticipate them just telling me to go fuck myself like my ex always did #i just need you so bad #i feel like the world is ending and my life is falling apart #i hate thie so goddamn much

[bananazep]

#tw oh dear god #its been a minute since ive had a mental breakdown like this #why am i not good enough for them? why dont they want me? why did this have to happen? #it feels like the world is ending #i want to die

[bananazep]

I am no mother, I am no bride, I am king

#art

[bananazep]

i CANNOT DO THIS ON MY OWN

#art #words #i have talked to them more about what im feeling but i am still hurting #it hurts less but it still hurts #they tried to tell me that i am good enough but i know im not #i know theyre more attracted to them than they are to me #they definitely want them physically more than me #they cuddle and kiss and physically interact with them more than me #and theyre definitely more emotionally and intellectually attractive than me #and theyre way more sexually attractive than me #im just not good enough at all #its so obvious #i cant compete #i cant be the main person they want when they have them #that wouldnt make sense #theyre so much better than me in every way #i hate myself #i just want to be good enough but im not

[bananazep]

#art #words #they dont like me like i like them #they dont have a crush on me #they never have #they have a crush on them #i want to be the one they cuddle and kiss and hug all of the time #but thats them #im not good enough #i never have been #i just want to be yours #that's it #why have i still never had a happy healthy secure relationship #why cant i be them #why cant they be attracted to me like i am to them #this really really hurts #every single weekend we hang out and the whole time im watching them be physically affectionate and god it fucking hurts so bad #it really really gets to me #it makes me believe that im not as good as them #why am i the way that i am #why cant i be good enough

[bananazep]

Anne Carson, H of H Playbook

#art #words

[bananazep]

#art #words #i love this

[bananazep]

From “I Spy: a book of picture riddles” - Walter Wick

#art

[bananazep]

Pieces from “The Passage Collection” by Eliza Valenti

#art #its too easy to be saddened by trauma #i dont realize how much it hurt until its brought up after a while

[bananazep]

tell me to go if you want to

#art #words #i cannot lose you #you are my spouse #i dont think im going to lose you #but every time i feel this sickening feeling that the one i love is slipping #they slip away #tw #tw suicide #i want to die #i cant lose you #i want to be your first choice like you are to me #but im not and i never have been #tw self harm #i want to cut and die #i need you so bad #please dont leave me #please dont go please dont go please dont go please dont go please dont go please dont go please dont go please dont go please dont go

[bananazep]

wat u feel u can heal

#art #words #it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts #i just want to be the one you want #i want to be the one you cuddle and kiss and touch and love on all the time #its always me doing it to you #and you still do it with them more #im not mad at you #it just feels like im your second choice #i told you it hurts #i dont think you know how bad it hurts #as time goes on i realize more that i am not the first one you want #and it hurts so much #we dont spend time alone together like you do with them #we dont spend time alone together at all #and you do with them all the fucking time #because im not the one you want #im not the one anybody wants #i want to fucking kill myself #tw #tw suicide #tw self harm

[bananazep]

Sophie King ( @kingsophiesworld ) puts everything I wish I had the words to say into beautifully embroidered artwork

#i reblogged this before but i love this #art #words #dont forgive them for they know what they did was wrong but they did it anyway #he just had a shock probation hearing #the judge denied him #but agreed to have another hearing jan 4 #shes retiring but she refuses to pass it on to another judge so shes going to come back to hear it #shes such a badass i love her #i dont even know her name #kenny is going to be in jail for 5 years #i really hope that the case doesnt get passed on to another judge that will grant him probation or early release #i dread the day he gets out of jail #hes just going to be out in the streets #i could run into him at any time #he will kill me if he sees me #tw #domestic violence

[bananazep]

tsunaina for cap74024 by suleika mueller

#beautiful #art

[bananazep]

I’m sorry, I wish I knew how to fix this

#art #words #im not ok #tw #i want to hurt myself but i can barely keep my eyes open now