blotter4breakfast - Tumblr blog

blotter4breakfast · 4 years

Text

I feel just as ugly as everything else now.. At least im not alone.

2 notes · View notes

blotter4breakfast · 4 years

Text

I don't know how much longer I'm gonna make it. Everytime I'm promised a better future it gets squashed because people don't actually care about my feelings, they just say they do because they know as long as im around they'll benefit from it. I'm tired of putting love in people that don't love me back. I just want freedom and it seems I'll only be able to find it through death.

0 notes

blotter4breakfast · 4 years

Text

Maybe I'm not in love with death. Maybe it's just a fling. Maybe I don't want to turn it off. Maybe I'm waiting for it to turn on. Maybe wondering is useless. Maybe nothing has use.

#I dont know

0 notes

blotter4breakfast · 4 years

Photo

111K notes · View notes

blotter4breakfast · 4 years

Text

You prevented you're own suicide today.

You're doing great and I'm proud of you, for what it's worth.

(:

#suicidal #suicide #depression #angst #:)

4 notes · View notes

blotter4breakfast · 5 years

Text

I always think I know what to say, until I say it. Only then do I realize how little I actually know. They say it's better to keep your mouth shut and look like an idiot than to open your mouth and prove it. But I'm tired of thinking I'm so close the solution only to realize it's not possible to find. Perhaps I'm bound and destined to eternal confusion. If I am it doesn't matter, and that's okay.

#idk #confused #confusion #existentialism #no matter

3 notes · View notes

blotter4breakfast · 5 years

Text

I guess being content is just wishful thinking. Perhaps I'm asking too much, perhaps I'm not. Perhaps we're never meant to have our fill. Perhaps I'm just ugly and irrational.

0 notes

blotter4breakfast · 5 years

Text

Every question has an answer, unless it doesn't. We've come to the idea that all of this has to mean something. Nothing in the universe truly matters. The idea that our lives mean something to a cosmological scale is idiotic. Every time I ask a question every response could be considered applicable. But none of it is, not at all. My existence is a mere joke to any omnipotent being that may exist. Omnipotence is an impossible level to reach, even if you did you would still have questions, (I'm aware that that is an oxymoron) everything is an oxymoron. I can't possibly receive confirmation, closure, a goddamn answer to any of this that we experience, life. I don't know what to do in the face of this struggle. I'm supposed to think that's supposed to have some kind of meaning. I try to convey my hurt, my pain, my struggle, the conundrum, or feels like it is not possible to get an answer. I am not ignorant enough to blindly follow this broken machine, nor am I aware of how to escape it. Purge me of my existence entirely, erase my being in the first place, make it so I never was, but you can't. I have no mouth, and I must scream.

0 notes

blotter4breakfast · 5 years

Text

Space Cowboy Cap by Thenamel

613 notes · View notes

blotter4breakfast · 5 years

Text

I Hate You

I hate you for this feeling. I hate you for making me feel like a monster. I hate you because you got away with it. I hate you because you never learned. I hate you because you always play the victim. I hate you because whenever I meet someone new they've met you first, and they hate me because of it. I hate you because you're a compulsive liar. I hate you because you're a manipulative person.I hate you for how hard you've made everything for me. I hate you because I can't even beat the shit out of you for what you've done. I hate you because everybody thinks I'm crazy, because of you. I hate you because you used me. I hate you because it still hurts. I hate you so much. I hope you die alone, broken, and afraid. I hope when you take your last breath your lungs fill with nothing but regret and anguish for the life you've chosen to live. I hope the pain consumes you as you plunge into oblivion. And maybe, just maybe you will understand why everyone who once loved you won't miss you when you're gone. I hope that you feel what I feel. I hope you look at yourself and realize you are what you made me out to be, nothing but a monster.

#Hate #fuck you #I hope you burn

0 notes

blotter4breakfast · 5 years

Photo

30K notes · View notes

blotter4breakfast · 5 years

Text

"Those who have suffered, understand suffering

And thereby extend their hand

The storm that brings harm

Also makes fertile

Blessed is the grass

And herb and the true thorn and light"

–Patti Smith

0 notes

blotter4breakfast · 5 years

Text

God fucking dammit.

Why did evolution give us sad/depressed emotions? (E.G. crying) It literally serves no purpose. It doesn't benefit us in any way, shape, or form in terms of survival or practicality. I get it if you're a child using it to trigger the "mother instinct" in another creature. But that's for your own survival. I'm talking about the times you're so frustrated with the world that you can't help but break down to the point of contemplating suicide. An oxymoronic example of life. We're supposed to be wired to live and spread out genes. But this side effect of complex thought and ability to question our existence causes us to feel the need to end our own life when in times of emotional distress. Truly the most detrimental design flaw to any sort of mechanism.