Call me Hima.
Ao3 handle is Living_Free. Link to the Robin Musings Masterlist HERE -
https://kindaangelic.tumblr.com/post/625954828584140800/masterlist-of-robin-musings
Dick looked up from his coffee to stare at Tim incredulously. “Pardon?”
Tim, who was perusing the security camera footage from his numerous spy cameras of the city, smiled back. “Red Hood shot Deathstroke,” he repeated.
“Jason shot Slade? Why? And when?”
Tim hummed and pulled up the footage. “Yesterday, apparently, at 1:30am. In the Fashion District.”
“I patrolled there last night though,” Dick said. “I passed through at 1am!”
“And this happened half an hour later,” Tim shrugged.
“Why would Jay shoot Slade, though?” Dick mused.
“Who knows why Crazy McGee does anything,” Tim muttered bitterly. At Dick's amused glance, Tim bristled. “Hey! He's your baby brother, not mine. Besides, he tried to kill me. Me! Sweet, innocent, Timmy-” Tim paused to remove his sock and throw it at Damian, who had been making vomit noises in the background.
Dick smiled sadly and scratched Tim's ear like a kitten, immediately quieting the boy. “I know, Timmy. I won't ask you to make peace with him. I know that he hurt you.” Dick paused, sighing. “But I can't forget that I loved Jay too, the same as I love you and Dami now.”
In the corner, Damian lit up like an evil little lantern.
“I just... if I could talk to Jay-”
“Then go talk to him,” Tim suggested. “Bucket Head probably won't attack you, you guys only play fight anyway, neither of you ever go full out.”
Dick smiled. It was true - Jason never really touched him, and even went so far as to avoid touching his butt during tackles. Bro Butt was a definite Ick Inducer.
“Okay. I'll talk to him.”
***
“Psst.”
Jason Todd, the fearsome Red Hood, stopped in his tracks. Was he imagining things? He could have swore that sounded like-
“Little Wing!”
Jason sighed. “What, Dickhead,” he grumbled into thin air.
Dick popped out of the unimaginably small crevice in the wall that he had stuffed himself into. Inside his helmet, Jason flinched. He did not want to imagine how Bendy Butt had shoved himself into the small gap. “Ugh. Go away, you flexi-freak.”
“Red Robin showed me footage of you shooting Deathstroke,” Dick said. “Why did you do it?”
“Oh no, rewind to the part where the twink got footage of me,” Jason interrupted.
“Oh, you know Red Robin, he's got all of his little spy cameras and nanobot armies-”
“What-”
“- but that's not important-”
“Yes it is!” Jason panicked. Did Tim unleash a nanobot army on him? Was that why he itched in his most tender areas?
(Yes. Yes it was. Tim was very proud of avenging himself).
“- what's important is why you chose to go and shoot Deathstroke! Jay, he's a dangerous man, why on earth would you make an enemy of him-”
“Why on earth haven't you make an enemy of him, when he follows your jello butt across the city-”
“What?”
“- jiggling like pudding, honestly. The only thing I'll agree with Batman about is having you wear a cape-”
Dick's eyes softened with realization. “Oh, Jay,” he murmured affectionately.
“-so the rest of us don't have to waste our time looking out for- eck,” Jason cut himself off as Dick gently hugged him.
“You were looking out for me, Little Wing,” Dick smiled into his shoulder. “You do care!”
“No I don't.”
“I love you too!”
That escalated fast. “Oh my God, let me go, what if someone sees,” Jason whinged. Dick did let go then, but continued to beam at him. Jason shook off the Dick Cooties and glared. “If you want to smother someone, start closer to home. The Baby Brat offered me a bounty to kill Slade-”
“Dami did what?”
“I didn't take it, obviously, but dude, that kid is way too attached to you-”
“I'll just have to reassure him of my love!”
“And you wonder why I make mother-brother jokes about you,” Jason sighed defeatedly, as Dick continued to be oblivious. “Listen, it's not a big deal.”
Dick did not heed this, and his eyes continued to shine with unspoken love and hope.
“He was being a lech, it's the decent thing to do.”
The Eye Love Lasers were now maximum capacity.
“Dick!” Jason huffed angrily. He needed to get the message across, dammit!
“I love you too, Little Wing!”
Ugh. There really was no escaping it. Jason gave in gracelessly, allowing Dick to have his hug quota.
Tim dithered on the front step of the manor, biting his lip in agitation. Should he go through with this?
“Timmy?” Bernard asked gently. “What's wrong?”
“It’s just... my family,” Tim admitted. “They're a lot.”
Bernard smiled, the sunlight bouncing off of his perfect teeth bringing warmth to Tim's cold, shriveled, soul. “Timmy, you're worrying again. Didn't you say that they loved you?”
Tim sighed. “Yeah...”
“And that your dad wanted to ‘vet me’?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“And that your big brother was jiggling thiccly around the kitchen to make a gay-friendly brunch?”
Tim finally cracked a smile. “Dick made crepes. Stephanie was appalled.”
Bernard smiled and stroked his thumb over Tim's knuckles. “See? It'll be fine.”
“What about Damian?”
“Sorted,” Bernard said smugly, moving his jacket aside to reveal a tiny sparroe in a tiny box. “I found a bird with a broken leg. I'll tell him that you said that he was the best with animals, and that I thought he could nurse it back to health.”
Tim's eyes glittered with unshed tears. He had the best boyfriend in the world.
***
“Hey Dick, this is Bernard.”
Dick glowed with happiness for his little stringbean brother finally having a normal, settled, relationship.
“Hi Mr. Dick,” Bernard waved, and Dick had to suppress a squeal of delight.
“Hi Bernard, it's so nice to meet you,” Dick enthused. “Here, have some cookies, I made them fresh!”
Bernard picked up a heart shaped cookie with a smile. “Thanks for being so supportive, Mr. Dick.”
Just then, the lights flickered, and Bernard caught sight of a harrowing face in the hallway, before it promptly disappeared.
“Who was that!?”
Dick looked around. “Who? There's nobody there.,” he said, before smiling brightly. “Here, have another cookie. You and Tim are both so tiny.”
Bernard choked down the cookie, the dour man’s face never leaving his mind. After they were done, Tom dragged Bernard to see his sister.
“This is Cass, she's my big sister,” Tim said, sounding audibly affectionate. Bernard smiled wholeheartedly - Tim really deserved to be able to have that kind of love. “And that's Damian in the animal pile over there.” Uh oh.
Bernard shook hands with Cass who smiled at him. “Tim says... you make him happy. I like that.”
Bernard felt a flood of affection for the soft spoken woman. “I always try. Timmy deserves the best.”
Cass smiled, her eyes crinkling in the corners. “Tim always tries hard for everyone else. We... look after Tim.”
By this time, Damian had also waddled over. “What ho. You are Bernard Dowd.”
“Er. What ho?” Bernard reached into his jacket. “Nice to meet you, Damian. Tim said that you were good with animals, so I thought of bringing you this bird - he hurt his leg-”
Damian was already scurrying away with the bird, speaking lovingly to the confused sparrow I Arabic. “Well done, Dowd,” he asked over his shoulder. “Drake has done well to choose you to continue the dynasty with!”
Bernard looked nonplussed, and then smiled amusedly at Tim. “You want to continue your dynasty with me? Tim, that's so cute!”
Tim blushed a pretty cherry blossom pink. “I- I- er-”
Bernard was just about to rib Tim more, when another flicker of movement caught his eye. The face! Bernard felt a chill as the figures eyes made contact with his, revealing the color to be a shadowed blue-green. And then, it was gone again.
There was no mistaking it. Every Gothamite knew the Tragedy of Jason Todd-Wayne, Bruce Wayne's second son. The face belonged to an older man, but who said that a malevolent spirit couldn't trick the mind?
“T- Timmy, the f- face-”
Tim looked around. “What face, Bern?” he asked in concern, seeing his boyfriend pale before his very eyes.
“A- a guy, he looks so sad and mean-”
“Baby, there's no one there,” Tom soothed Bernard worriedly, his mind racing. Unless, of course... “Oh.”
“Oh?”
“Jason.”
Bernard shrieked thinly. “Jason Todd? I was right? His ghost is haunting your house?”
Tim, sensing the potential for mischief, nodded with faux seriousness. “His restless spirit comes back to see us sometimes. He mainly haunts Dick though, calls him names and eats his cookies.”
“But Jason is good boy,” Cass said hurriedly.
“Are we talking about Todd?” Damian asked, returning with the now bandaged bird who was sitting in his hair. “Has he returned?”
“Apparently,” Tim said. “I wonder what brought him back.”
“Grayson made Pennyworth’s cookies,” Damian replied. “That is enough for Todd to come sniffing around.”
“Dick is wearing leggings today,” Cass mused. “Jason likes... to throw... coins at his butt.”
“Makes Dick squeal like a piggy,” Tim nodded sagely. “We should put Jason at rest,” he said meaningfully.
Damian, Princeling of Chaos, cottoned on immediately. “I shall bring the sage.”
Cass said nothing, but bounced happily.
The fabulous four tripped into the kitchen, where, true to form, Jason was flicking pennies at a harassed Dick's behind.
“Begone, ghoul!” Damian cried, and lit the sage leaves on fire, making both Dick and Jason startle. When everybody was distracted, Cass flicked a smoke bomb on, filling the room with thick smoke. Hopefully, Jason would take the hint to disappear.
Only when the smoke cleared, Jason was still there, looking very buff and angry and intimidating.
“W-w-what?” Bernard quivered, coming over faint in Tim’s arms, as though his noodle arms could support a swooning boyfriend.
“Oh. Ha ha,” Tim laughed nervously. “So you already know about Jason, so this will be a short introduction-”
It would have to wait, as Bernard flopped over, completely comatose.
***
Bernard came back to consciousness to the sight of Bruce Wayne. “Bernard, you're awake, excellent. I must apologize for my children, they are fools.”
“B-b-but Jason!”
“Jason is not dead, son,” Bruce sighed. “It was a cover story to put some very dangerous people off his scent. Everything is fine now, but Jason rather enjoys the feeling of anonymity this gives him. Though honestly, Jay, just go down to the precinct and get re-registered as living, it's been years-”
“Can't stop won't stop. Hey Bern,” Jason smiled. “You alright?”
“Yes?”
“Oh good. Someone go get Tim, the kid's in hysterics about you.”
Bernard's tender heart broke. Tim was distraught over him? Dick opened the door and a tear streaked Tim ran inside. “Bernard! I'm so sorry! I didn't think that Jason would be home, and I wanted to get him out! Please, won't you forgive me!”
“You were only trying to help your brother, Tim,” Bernard said, his heart clenching painfully at the sight of Tim's mascara running down his face. He reached over and hugged Tim close.
“Ahem.”
“Oop, sorry Mr. Wayne, sir,” Bernard said, jumping away.
Bruce smiled. “It's alright, Bernard. Just know, I'm always watching. And anything that you do to Tim, I'll have Jason do to you.”
Jason smiled evilly as Tim and Bernard shrunk away, but failed to escape the powerful, hairy hug they were pulled into.
“Well Bernard,” Jason said, as both boys struggled, “welcome to the family.”
Bruce had used a meme correctly and disparaged Hal Jordan.
Tim ran home as fast as his little legs could carry him (knocking Scarecrow into the sewer in the process. Hopefully Killer Croc would eat him). Bursting into the cave, chest heaving, Tim gasped out, “BRUCE KNOWS ABOUT MEMES”.
Jason fell out of the dinosaur's mouth and on top of Cass, squishing her delicate form in the process.
Dick gasped and looked photogenic, while Damian continued to look like he was a wart growing out of Dick's hip.
“Are you sure, Tim?” Dick asked, walking swiftly over to feel Tim's forehead for an elevated temperature. “Timmy, you're warm!”
“W-what?”
“Your forehead's warm,” Dick repeated, looking concerned.
“Drake must have forgotten his medicines again, his brain mired in the lustful fog of face-timing the Clone,” Damian hissed.
“I am flat,” Cass moaned, where Jason was trying to peel her off the floor apologetically. “Someone care for me!”
“I gotcha,” Jason muttered, and peeled his slightly more two dimensional sister up. “Honestly, Tim. You probably had a fever dream.”
“No!” Tim cried. “I know the truth!”
“Its ok, Timmy,” Dick said, his smile gentle and indulgent. “Let's get you to bed.”
“No! No!” Tim wept in horror and confusion. What was happening? Was any of this real? Did Bruce meme?
A sudden heaviness overtook Tim's tiny body, and he fell asleep in Dick's arms, his thoughts still spinning.
***
“Honestly, Jay, you didn't need to tranquilize him,” Dick tutted, from where Tim was slumped in his arms.
“Oh, then you try to get him to bed! You can't argue with the results, Dick!”
***
Tim woke with a groan, opening his eyes to see Bruce looking concernedly at him.
“B- Bruce?”
Bruce smiled and brushed his hand against Tim's cheek. “Good morning.”
“What happened?”
“Jason shot you with a tranquilizer last night, too get you to sleep.”
Tim scowled. “Did anyone avenge me?”
“Sure,” Bruce said, and in the next second upended Tim's life again. “I yeeted him to his room.”
No no no no no...
“AAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHH!”
Batman made one (1) meme one time and it was the best moment of Robin’s life.