left-on-unread

[left-on-unread]

August 9th, 2:11 a.m.

Looking back on my old posts, I'm suddenly reminded of you.

You stopped entering my mind a while ago. Your voice stopped being the one I replayed. Your arms stopped being the ones I pictured holding me. Your scent stopped being the one I clung to at night. You stopped being the one last destiny in the back of my mind.

I no longer check our chat to see how long it's been since you stopped replying to me after I set a vague boundary. I showed you that I won't come running if you text me a monosyllabic prompt and you stopped showing interest altogether. I'm not sure what I expected.

But I put away the blanket you gave me. The one you gave me the day we made our secret handshake (which I still know by heart... do you?). I bought a new blanket to replace it. It's bigger and a different color and it feels safe.

You still think about me. I saw you looking at my story posts last time I was active online. God, I wish I could pry open your skull and figure out what the hell you're thinking about. You've always been determined to stay a huge fucking mystery.

Anyway... I feel sorry for the version of me you last knew. They loved you so much it hurt. I hope you know that.

I forgive myself for loving you. I didn't know it would hurt me so deeply.

I forgive you for being such an idiot. You've lost a wonderful opportunity.

Good job on the pierced ears. I'm bitter about you not telling me about them like you promised you would, but I suppose I can forgive that too.

#unsent letters #unsent messages #unsent texts #breakup #lovers to strangers #friends to strangers #ex best friend #ex

[left-on-unread]

April 28, 2:16 a.m.

I had a dream about you last night. I dreamt that I was with you again and I couldn't escape. I was terrified. I wish I had never dated you. I wish I had never replied to your text. I wish I could take back those months of my life because they still force their way into my mind when I'm alone in my room. I should never have allowed you through that door.

#unsent letters #unsent messages #unsent texts #poetry #breakup #anger

[left-on-unread]

April 2, 2:58 a.m.

Maybe I should sacrifice my peace for a little quiet.

Force feed myself misery and terror in order to seek out those small moments of pleasure.

You took away my right to breathe safely in my own home, so why should I respect the places you chose to wound me?

If anyone should live in terror, let it be the one who takes advantage.

I am done hiding from your shadow.

#unsent letters #unsent messages #unsent texts #poetry #anger #tw sa

[left-on-unread]

Feb 15, 4:50 a.m.

Why do I miss you? Why do I still miss you??

You lied to me, you betrayed me, the person I fell in love with was never even real.

But I still fell in love with him.

It's so hard for me to understand that I don't love you, I love the man you pretended to be.

I want these feelings to go away.

Will they go away?

I'm ready to date again, but I'm scared. What if it never feels as magical as it did with you? What if that was my best?

Why couldn't you have just been real...? That would have fixed everything...

#unsent letters #unsent messages #unsent texts #poetry #breakup #i miss him #anger #cheated on

[left-on-unread]

Feb 10, 2:51 p.m.

Why did I waste all those years trying to grow up?

#birthday #birthday depression #poem #depression #sadness #sad thoughts #turning 20 #getting older #poetry

[left-on-unread]

Feb 10, 2:47 p.m.

This is my first time experiencing birthday sadness... I’ll never be able to redo these years.

#depression #sadness #sad thoughts #poem #poetry #birthday #birthday depression #turning 20 #getting older

[left-on-unread]

Jan 18, 1:28 p.m.

Did you know that playing that song would bring back so many memories for me? Or were you hoping to create some of your own?

#either way it wont leave my head now #but youre still no closer to being my person. you lost thst chance. #unsent letters #unsent messages #unsent texts #poetry #breakup #lovers to friends

[left-on-unread]

December 21, 1:32 a.m.

I miss you.

I told myself I didn't anymore.

But even though I know you're a bad person... And that we're never going to be a thing again...

I loved you.

And I miss who you were before you changed.

#unsent letters #unsent messages #unsent texts #breakup #i miss him #i miss u

[left-on-unread]

Nov 30, 11:33 a.m.

I had a dream about you last night. I dreamed that you were trying to contact me. You had your morning voice. I'll admit I miss that voice sounding out my name... But it isn't worth it to be nothing more than an option to you.

#unsent letters #unsent messages #unsent texts #breakup

[left-on-unread]

Nov 9, 1:26p.m.

I'm disappointed in you.

I was convinced that we were destined to be best friends for life. I had already decided you would be in my wedding as one of my bridesmen. I knew that if neither of us found someone, we would get married for tax benefits and companionship.

You made me give up on those things.

You showed me you wouldn't go to those lengths for me.

You'd go to lengths in order to get some, but not to care for me.

You clearly don't give a shit about me. You've demonstrated that.

Friends-- especially best friends-- don't use each other as a friends-with-benefits fuckbuddy for practice. I'm not practice.

I'm not the person who'll settle for your stupid fucking games. I'm not going to settle for a guy that won't date somebody out of state because he can't fuck them. I'm not going to settle for someone who lies about his feelings in order to get me to flirt with him so he can gain experience to use on the girls he actually wants.

I hope you're fucking happy.

I hope you got the girl with that """experience""" and that you're off making out and testing if your performance anxiety is better. I hope you're in a stage in your life when you need to buy condoms because of her. And I hope that every time you kiss her, you think of me. I hope you feel guilty every time she tells you she loves you. I hope you regret treating your best friend like a goddamn tutorial.

#unsent letters #unsent messages #unsent texts #anger #vent post #ex best friend

[left-on-unread]

Oct 6, 5:14a.m.

I want to be yours. I want to tell you I love you and that I'm so fucking proud of you every day. I want to flirt with you and see you smile and return my words. I want to kiss you. I want to hug you for hours without needing a break. I want to send you photos of random bugs I find when we're taking texting breaks. I want to hold your hand. I want to be the one you think of in the shower and before falling asleep. I want to be the first person you call when something exciting happens. I want to be your safe place. I want to be your best friend forever. I want to be your partner. I want to laugh at shows with you but get lost in staring and forget about the plot for a moment. I want to ruffle your hair when you cut it. I want to lay my head on your chest and feel your arms around me. I want to tell you I love you and have you say it back. I want to text you good morning and ask about the weather. I want to show off pictures of you calling you my soulmate. I want to be the one you tell people about saying it was always me. I want to put your username in my bio. I want to look up and catch you looking at me. I want to comfort you as you cry because you miss me. I want to be comforted by you when I cry because I miss you. I want to be the one you mean when you tell someone there's this girl. I want to cuddle with you. I want to walk along the beach together and make fun of random people out of earshot. I want to kiss your neck and feel you inhale. I want to hear your voice close to me. I want to dance in the rain with you again. I want to watch movies together. I want to be the one you'll wait forever for over any distance. I want to make you flustered over video chat. I want you to choose me. I want to choose you.

I love you.

#unsent letters #unsent messages #unsent texts #poetry #i miss him #i miss u #lovers to friends

[left-on-unread]

Oct 6, 3:41a.m.

"I don't see this going anywhere," you said.

Yet you're happy to flirt.

"I don't want to lead you on or make you sad when I date someone else," you mused.

Yet here you are with my whole heart in your hands.

I love you and you love me too, why can't we make this work?

#unsent letters #unsent messages #unsent texts #i miss him #poetry #best friend #i miss u #lovers to friends

[left-on-unread]

Oct 5, 2:18p.m.

Nvm, he bounced back :3

Oct 3, 7:25p.m.

Boys are stupid.

#unsent letters #unsent messages #unsent texts #poetry #i miss u #i miss him #lovers to friends #friends to lovers #lovers to friends to lovers

[left-on-unread]

Oct 3, 7:25p.m.

Boys are stupid.

#unsent letters #unsent messages #unsent texts #breakup #poetry #anger #i miss u #i miss him #lovers to friends

[left-on-unread]

Oct 2, 2:21a.m.

I waste my nights dreaming of you.

#unsent letters #unsent messages #unsent texts #poetry #i miss u #lovers to friends #i miss him #breakup #best friend

[left-on-unread]

Oct 2, 1:45a.m.

701 days have passed.

You're visiting our beach again but this time I'm not with you.

#unsent letters #unsent messages #unsent texts #breakup #poetry #i miss him #best friend #i miss u #lovers to friends

[left-on-unread]

Sept 26, 9:49p.m. At this point I just need somebody to kiss me. I'm so touch starved at this point it's cruel.

#unsent letters #unsent messages #unsent texts #poetry #touch starved #lonely