I wish I could just say "its because of schizophrenia" when something is a symptom/trait (schizophrenia has sooo many symptoms) just like I would say it's depression. it really makes things easier with the only person I can say that to, when I feel safe enough. I dont have to explain further.
but hey it's not safe & ppl don't know anything about schizophrenia.
There's so much pressure to be like "My abusers/attackers didn't win" but there was so much liberation and freedom in allowing myself to say that mine did.
They overpowered me and broke me and I am forever changed by what happened, and not having to pretend that's not true is so freeing.
i need to read l'étranger again after this. but oh wait i can't because of the cognitive symptoms
The way people talk about the main character of The Stranger by Camus is so funny. “Imagine a FREAK who doesn’t CARE about ANYTHING and doesn’t FEEL ANYTHING.” that’s just a normal day for people dealing with the negative symptoms of schizophrenia/SZPD
schizophrenia & c-ptsd making me doubt absolutely everything im done. is it hallucinations don't know. are all my memories just an invention don't know. turning everything against me thx. i hate my brain so much.
violent cptsd memories showed up, recent r*pe memory came back and triggered my brain to release similar memories and others, that i was fine living without knowing. my brain really decided to torture me thx. i really can't deal with all of this. my brain refuses to fuvking dissociate and i don't have one of my treatments. cptsd, sui ideation and schizophrenia are having fun in my head. im used to this shit but that's too much. really grateful for my dog being here, always.
also why the fuck my psychiatrist/therapist let me on my own for the next 3 weeks knowing all of that, like im alone. really said k byyye.