overthinkingat3am

[overthinkingat3am]

You deserve a lover ...

You deserve a lover who wants you disheveled, with everything and all the reasons that wake you up in a haste and the demons that won’t let you sleep.

You deserve a lover who makes you feel safe, who can consume this world whole if he walks hand in hand with you; someone who believes that his embraces are a perfect match with your skin.

You deserve a lover who wants to dance with you, who goes to paradise every time he looks into your eyes and never gets tired of studying your expressions.

You deserve a lover who listens when you sing, who supports you when you feel shame and respects your freedom; who flies with you and isn’t afraid to fall.

You deserve a lover who takes away the lies and brings you hope, coffee, and poetry.

Frida Kahlo

[overthinkingat3am]

I live on an island

Of my own making.

Across the waves I can see:

Bright lights

The signs of people,

Countless numbers of them talking, laughing,

Having fun and picking fights and making babies,

Getting on each other’s nerves,

Leaning on one another.

Across the waves I look on

At whole communities going about their lives,

Together.

I like being here, on my island made just for me.

On my island it is quiet,

No noise of fighting

Of laughter, either.

I like being on my island,

But it gets lonely.

I wonder what it’s like

Across the water, where the bright lights shine.

Am I brave enough?

To set sail across the choppy waters,

And leave that lonely island behind?

#writeblr #spilled ink #poems on tumblr #author #writing #feeling alone #loneliness #isolation #I want to be loved too #I don’t want to be alone anymore

[overthinkingat3am]

Is this what depression feels like?

These days it feels like the words have a hard time coming out, like a rusty stuck faucet; occasionally it’ll spurt out some water, violently and suddenly, and then dry right back up again, no matter how much you try to turn the knob.

I feel inadequate, hopeless, like a talentless good-for-nothing, and then I think: Is this it? Has my creative period passed completely, never to return again, and I’ve got nothing to show for it? No great works. Not even a burst of brightness. I’m not a supernova; just an insignificant human in this tiny speck of a planet, not so much as a sneeze in the vastness of the universe.

But maybe there’s the problem. Why are we so obsessed with importance anyway? Like our lives only matter if we’re somehow great, extraordinary. Why is it so hard to just be okay with ourselves, as we are? Do you think those billions of microorganisms in our gut, a whole solar system of life living inside our intestines, ever get depressed because they’re not important enough? Not good enough? Not enough to keep on living? Why are we, as humans, so bad at simply existing?

I wish I had the answers. I don’t. I used to think I had them, at least was on the way to them, but that was a different me. Now I realize that it isn’t so simple. Not everything has an answer, and some answers we spend our whole lives searching for.

I’m learning to be okay with that.

I’m not quite there yet. But that’s fine. There’s no rush. I’ve got a lifetime to get there, at my own pace.

#writing #spilled ink #tumblr diary #feeling down #feeling stuck #negative self talk #why are we so hard on ourselves? #it’s ok to not be okay #you’ve got this #everything will be alright #it’s okay

[overthinkingat3am]

If the world is burning,

What would you do?

Would you run and hide?

Or face the tide?

Turn it into kerosene.

Watch it burn.

Then gather up the ashes,

For a phoenix dawn.

#writing #spilled ink #thoughts on the state of the world #tumblr diary #poetry #anxiety #we need change #writeblr

[overthinkingat3am]

― Anna Akhmatova, The Complete Poems of Anna Akhmatova

[text ID: You are untranslatable / Into any one tongue.]

[overthinkingat3am]

Why can’t I sleep? Oh you know, just the pain and longing keeping me up at night. Nbd.

#tumblr diary #how do I fall asleep when I feel like this??

[overthinkingat3am]

When life gets hard, it’s easy to think that we’re the only ones who’ve ever been here, staring into the fog, unsure of the path that will lead us forward:

Out of darkness. Out of pain, doubt, fear.

It’s easy to think that life has abandoned us here, alone in the void. We hear only our footsteps in the silence. There is no one else. We are the only ones suffering.

But the signs are all around us if we look.

The signs of others who’ve passed through before: Letters carved on a stone; markers left by the side of the road—all reminders that someone else was here once, standing in the same place, unsure of the path that would lead them forward.

We’re not the first to stumble through the fog, lost and lonely and afraid, wondering if we’ll ever see the sun again.

Others have been here. Others have lost their way. And others have made it out into the sun, leaving us with their stories, with ballads and songs of their wandering journeys.

They remind us that the lost can find their way.

That there are those who’ve stood where we stand.

That they too once made the journey before us, lost and lonely and afraid, until the day they took a step,

And found themselves standing in the sun.

#writing #my words #spilled ink #the struggle is real #reminder #you are not alone #writeblr #tumblr diary

[overthinkingat3am]

“It is okay to be at a place of struggle. Struggle is just another word for growth. Even the most evolved beings find themselves in a place of struggle now and then. In fact, struggle is a sure sign to them that they are expanding; it is their indication of real and important progress. The only one who doesn’t struggle is the one who doesn’t grow. So if you are struggling right now, see it as a terrific sign — and celebrate your struggle.”

— Neale Donald Walsch

[overthinkingat3am]

“Sometimes when you’re in a dark place you think you’ve been buried, but actually you’ve been planted.”

— Christine Caine

[overthinkingat3am]

I want to move on.

I miss you.

I keep remembering the way we used to hold each other at night, all tangled up, like one messy organism.

I hate the way you didn’t choose me, all the times you couldn’t make it, the hours passing by while you gave yourself to other things, more important things, while I waited for you alone.

I hate that you didn’t fight for us.

But maybe love shouldn’t have to be a struggle.

Maybe we made the right choice, even if it hurts.

I want to move on.

But I miss you.

#my words #spilled ink #tumblr diary #writing #writeblr #breakup thoughts #moving on #why is this so hard #i miss you #:(

[overthinkingat3am]

I dreamt of you the other day.

Woke up with the muscle memory of your lips on mine.

We were laughing like in the beginning, when our love was young. No worries about what would happen in the future. There was only the excitement of getting to know each other. We were still learning, getting to know each other’s touch. The feel of my hand on your cheek. The groove of your hip against my thigh.

The days pass, and I think about you less and less. I think I’m doing okay, that I’m finally moving on. And then you show up in my dreams, and it’s like the beginning all over again.

We laugh together, and I wake up to your touch on my skin.

The muscle memory of your lips on mine.

Why is it so hard to forget you?

#my words #spilled ink #tumblr diary #in my feelings #writeblr #breakups suck #i miss you #relationships are hard

[overthinkingat3am]

I feel adrift

Lost in a dark black ocean

On a night when it’s too cloudy to see the stars

The only way I know the stars are there is on faith

I’ve heard about them, seen pictures in books

On other nights I’ve even seen them, twinkling

Brilliant points of light that make me believe that something bigger is out there

A higher power

A grander plan

Maybe there’s a reason we’re here, somehow

Except on nights like this it’s hard to believe

When I’m going around in circles

In the dark

And wondering what’s the point of it all?

All the struggling

The hard feelings

On a night when you can’t see the stars

It’s hard to believe they’re even there

That a brighter night will ever come:

Clear

And cloudless

On a night like tonight,

When the good times seem like a far off memory

It’s hard to have faith

That the stars still shine

Hidden behind the storm clouds

#writing #my words #i posted a thing #spilled ink #tumblr diary #writeblr #prose #in my feelings #feeling sorry for myself