productivedarling

[productivedarling]

Trying to explain to my other half how much having people in the house I don’t know is a problem.

They smell wrong. The smell of the wrong people lingers for a long time. The house smells unsafe.

Yes, I know they can’t smell it. They’re not autistic. They can’t smell other people in the same room. They can’t tell where people have been by the scents clinging to them.

So they can try to believe me on that but they’ll never really believe how the scent of unsafe people makes the whole house unsafe.

And how much that impacts my ability to do literally anything in it, which given I’m about 95% housebound and 80ish% bedbound and doing a Masters degree is a big problem.

Yes, I’m at least partially writing this down because I passed the paper screening and thus will apparently have a face-to-face adult autism assessment at some point if the NHS doesn’t collapse first and this won’t be in the questions they ask so I’m going to bring lots of examples of “how this affects how I function”.

[productivedarling]

No Bad Spirited Bitches presents..Reclaim Yourself.

[productivedarling]

✨“she's heavenly”🥀

1. know how to own the room. don’t fear that you’re doing to much. hold your head up. walk smoothly. maintain eye contact with everyone you engage with. speak with confidence. relax your body.

2. accept the spotlight. get comfortable with people looking at you. get used to people complimenting you. embrace your amazing qualities. don’t down play them. your greatness deserves to be seen.

3. have your own character. stop wondering everyone else is thinking of you and just be you. never compare yourself to others. yes, they may have amazing qualities, but there’s no one that can be you.

4. take care of yourself. eat before you go out. drink water. take care of your skin. clean and manage your hair. dress up. take time to rest and relax. meditate. manage your finances and time. feed yourself uplifting thoughts. slow down life is not a race.

5. be the person you want to be. a lot of the times we limit ourselves because of what our family and friends would think of us and our decisions. fuck their opinions. your life is your own. having the courage to be your own person is what develops self confidence. so get that tattoo, move abroad, start that tarot business, be open about your spirituality, be open about your sexuality. find what you love and live unapologetically as that.

6. be bold in what you represent. never let anyone intimidate you, rush you or pressure you into doing something you don’t want to. firm boundaries is a must.

[ join me on patreon ]

[productivedarling]

Make an attempt to connect with yourself every day. These times desperately call for it. They call for us to deepen our connection to our soul and body. Whether that be meditation, breathwork, yoga, journaling, or creating from the heart. Do whatever activity or practice that brings you back to the deeper parts of yourself, to the aspect of you that is divine, because that's where the true treasures lie. At first, it might seem like nothing is there or nothing is happening, but as the days go by, you'll start to see the gold and beautiful gift that you are. And when you divinely realize what you are, you'll begin to see the same in everything you come across on your path throughout existence.

[productivedarling]

Glow-up tips that actually work from your favourite beauty girly (me)

Hot girls don't gatekeep, so here are some of my favourite glow-up tips that actually work. <3

Skin

Find a skincare routine that works for you!! It took me years to find mine, but now my skin is literally perfect. <3 (let me know if you guys want a detailed skincare routine!!)

Don't pick your skin, the less you touch your face, the better.

I believe ice rollers are bs…

If you struggle with dark circles, don't try fixing them through skincare. Most likely, the problem comes from your diet or stress.

Dry brushing is a game-changer!!

Use lotion after every shower and apply a body spray before the lotion is fully absorbed into your skin. You'll smell amazing for DAYS.

Don't try homemade skincare if you already struggle with your skin. I learned it the hard way, lol…

WASH YOUR MAKEUP BRUSHES

Hair

The more heat you use, the more damage you'll have.

SILK PILLOWCASES

Never sleep with wet or damp hair.

Stop buying cheap shampoo and conditioner, also make sure to check the ingredients!!

Some ingredients to avoid: Sulfates, Parabens, Polyethene Glycols, Triclosan, Formaldehyde, Synthetic Fragrances and Colors, Dimethicone, Retinyl Palmitate.

I trim my hair every 3 months.

If you have damaged hair, invest in some Olaplex!! my favourites are N4c, N6 and N7. <3

Diet

green juice actually makes you feel better. I make mine at home and LOVE it :)

Balance is key!! I swear by the 80/20 rule.

Drink more water, even if you think you're drinking enough. DRINK MORE

Keto is BS <3

Focus on eating more protein. Usually, low-fat products have more protein, so I just try to buy those, lol.

I eat gluten-free, not by choice… But it did clear my acne, so…

Take supplements, get a blood test done, discuss it with a doctor and start taking whatever they recommend. GAME CHANGER.

EAT MORE VEGETABLES and fruits.

Lifestyle

Focus on being more active, walk more, workout, join a club or sport, dance, whatever works for you!!

I aim for 10K steps, I live in a big city, so I usually walk more than that but still.

Hobbies that don't include screen time. Trust me.

Find your personal style and ALWAYS dress up. <3

TREAT YOURSELF. Buy yourself flowers, and presents, go to your favourite restaurants, vacations!!

Read more. As a classics lover, I can't imagine a life without literature, but even if you don't like classics, any book is better than no book!!

Take more pictures. I've noticed that I have become a lot more present since I've started taking more pictures!! highly recommend :)

I hate to say this, but getting up earlier is lowkey kinda great... been doing it for a few weeks, and unfortunately, I do feel better... they were right...

Get a cat. :)

Mindset

Stop assuming that everyone hates you, they don't, trust me.

Journaling, manifesting, law of attraction, affirmations.

one of my favourite affirmations: "if I weren't capable, the opportunity wouldn't have come my way; I belong here." <3

Stop hanging out with people who drain your energy

stop consuming media that makes you feel bad.

What would the highest version of yourself do?

If you change your mindset, you will change your life.

Romanticise every aspect of your life. <3

As always, please feel free to share your own suggestions and glow-up tips in the comments! <3

✩‧₊*:・love ya ･:*₊‧✩

[productivedarling]

imagine you have squirrels in your pants and instead of helping you, a bunch of strangers start spitting absolute bars about it and making your pain into a breakdance. i’d be inconsolable.

[productivedarling]

[productivedarling]

Ladies...

Is your ear cartilage symmetrical?

Are your pores drooping?

Do you have thighs?

Something Is Wrong With You.

Buy Product.

[productivedarling]

the thing about carrying tension in your jaw is that once you've started it's really fucking hard to stop

[productivedarling]

111 days of doing my absolute best

Day uhg

It feels like an ouroboros some days, wound around the innermost parts of my brain and self-devouring, squeezing, and i cannot reach what it holds in that little bubble i used to call me.

And it’s not the act of asking for help that itself is so terrifying, it’s the self-devouring. It’s the dissonance between my greatest fears and their unfeeling, unknowing peace. That I cower alone from a spectre that no one else can see.

#actually phobic #phobia #complex ptsd #complex phobia #skin picking #excoriation disorder #Scolionophobia #fear of school #school phobia

[productivedarling]

how many days has it been? Well i’ve been doing my absolute best, but i’m not sure i’m up to date on the whole “understanding numbers” thing so we’re just not gonna do that part lol. Anyways.

111 Days of Doing My Absolute Best: day #idk??

Some things that i’ve learned:

There are very few legitimately helpful or interesting resources for phobias. My main method of coping- obsessively researching- has only made me feel more hopeless

The type of phobia I have can be classified as: complex? every definition is worded basically the same

School phobia (or “school refusal”, which is silly bc like u wouldn’t call arachnophobia “spider refusal”), or scolionophobia, or didaskaleinophobia, is something that apparently only children can experience, because the internet only has resources for concerned parents.

Ok well what’s a complex phobia?… glad u asked, the only 2 types that anyone is aware of are agoraphobia and social phobia, but nobody’s quite sure why.

So… it’s been a little evasive. Lately, I’ve been breaking down at even the mention of school, my nightmares have increased, as has my overall agitation, hypervigilance, and skin picking. But… I think I’m coming to something of a new plan.

I need to do an *online*, *self-paced* class, emphasis on it being a *singular* class. If the only way to do this means having full control over the thing that triggers me, then that’s the best way to do it. I tried it the other way around, I’m not sure why I’m this stubborn but I did (something-something about entrenched self-shaming behavior, believing i’m the problem to be fixed, something-something) and boy did it not work in the most predictable way imaginable. I avoided my fear, distracted myself as much as possible, spiraled into toxic self-shaming, and now I haven’t been to my classes at all and the quarter is nearly over.

I’ve discovered that one of the more crucial parts of this, however, is how I treat myself when interacting with my phobia. I’m not sure if this is universal? Other people pls feel free to share! I’m sure that my phobia is deeply tied to trauma I experienced, but part of that trauma, for me, is the intense shame I’ve felt in regards to it. Like, it’s not *just* there because I got low grades, it’s because of the way I was treated/learned to treat myself as a result of my grades (among other things). I reckon it’s association, but is that a universal experience for phobies?

(helpful) things learned in brief:

I’m going to do what I should have done to start: taking it SLOW. Control the size/scale of the feared thing as much as possible.

I’m going to start noticing, then intercepting negative thought patterns as I spot them. Teach myself to be my own internal support, be a better self-parent.

I’m going to just let my skin-picking be for the time being, and instead of just trying to stop it, I’m gonna try and be kind and forgiving to it, bc I don’t need an ounce more of shame in my life

#actually phobic #phobia #fear of school #i feel like i should have more tags but the brain tap gone dry

[productivedarling]

I haven’t posted in a long time, and ik this is the type of post that most people will scroll past and that’s ok! This is for myself! But if anyone else out there is going through something similar, then I also want to try and leave behind this diary for them, too.

I think I’ve developed a phobia surrounding school. Or maybe it’s always been there, it’s lingered and gathered and I’ve never let myself look it in the eye. It’s only been my shadow, and now I’m wrapped tight with it’s tendrils.

I went mute in an online class the other day. I’ve felt myself trying to give up on dreams I’ve never given up on before. So I don’t know if something has changed. I’ve wanted to switch meds but realized that I can’t just treat myself the way I used to be treated- I can’t fall back on my past anymore.

I’m going to do everything I can to heal and get through this, and I think that keeping a little diary will help me. I don’t want to be accountable to anyone but myself. I’m gonna call it ummmm. Ok we’re gonna do an arbitrary number of days. 111 days because that’s a fun mystical number.

111 days of doing my absolute best

Things I’ve already done:

a surprising amount, now that I list it all

read through the relevant chapters of The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, 5th edition, by Edmund J. Bourne, PhD

^^^(google this title + pdf, you can find it for free! Dm me if you’d like a dropbox link, I’m not gonna post it just in case but I’d love to share!)

purchased myself a few fidget toys, something I’ve never indulged in before! These ones are specifically for people with skin excoriation/trichotillomania:

started trying to make my own affirmation cards

started imagery desensitization therapy (as outlined in the anxiety workbook)

i’ve experimented somewhat with EMDR, and will likely continue using it on and off

reached out to some close friends as a support network, let them know some of my needs that they can help with/asked for their help

learned some interesting stuff about how horror movies might help with anxiety:

https://www.psycom.net/scary-movies-anxiety

some more stuff probably lol I’ll update again tomorrow wheeee bye!

#studyblr #studyspo #phobia #anxiety #skin picking #excoriation #excoriation disorder #tricotillomania

[productivedarling]

i’m too engaged. i have so much to do and i don’t even know how i’m going to do all of this. but i still think its a good trait of mine, even if i hate myself for it sometimes.

(my studygram: itrytostudie)

[productivedarling]

My Bullet Journal Key

I’ll probably add more as I go, but I’m super proud of this for my first try!

#bullet journal #bujo

[productivedarling]

bullet journal page ideas

trackers

mood tracker

cleaning schedule

gratitude journal

follower milestones

expenses tracker

list of achievements

health

workout plan

weight loss tracker

workout/gym tracker

healthy eating tracker

weight loss tracker

period tracker

sleep log

skincare routine

self-care reminders

hobbies

books to read

movies to watch

tv series to watch

playlist

favourite lyrics

languages

list of movies/tv shows to watch in your target language

grammar practice

vocab lists

verb lists

favourite new words

studying

grade tracker

time spent studying tracker

list of teachers’ emails/contact details

timetable/class schedule

food

recipes

shopping list

restaurants to visit

cocktails to make

other

list of friends’ birthdays

gift ideas

doodles

bucket list

wish list

inspirational quotes

things that make you happy

[productivedarling]

So I Guess I’m Doing Studyblr Now

This is my expedition as of right now:

-Be a great student with great grades

-Get some self-discipline

-Live life to the fullest, be who I want to be

And I figured- the best way to do this definitely involves tumblr. 

So here I am

This is basically my self-improvement diary, it’s how I’ll try and hold myself accountable, and it will be a place to have things that help me and keep me going. I’ll probably try out and review lots of different study/productivity/organization tips and methods, I’ve got executive functioning issues, ADHD, and severe anxiety. So yeah, I hope this will help me, and I hope this might help anybody else who stumbles across it too :)

#studyblr #adhd #productivity