sadowlswriting

[sadowlswriting]

I can’t help but wonder what you see

When you take a look at me

Is it the same face, same heart, same soul

Reflected in my own eyes

As I gaze upon myself

Do you see the damage I see

The damage done to me

And the damage I’ve wrought

On others

Or do you not see the scars, the pain

The ache, the tired lonely soul

That I see, that I feel, that I know

I can’t help but wonder

What it is you see

When you look at me

ⓒ Michael Greywood Poetry 2024

[sadowlswriting]

There is a loneliness that surrounds me,

Feels like a cold burn against my skin.

It carves the space around me;

Parts the spaces inbetween me.

An empty space is always present,

White tape marks its existence,

Like a crime scene.

The empty space walks with me,

Never asks questions,

Never speaks,

Never makes noise,

I'd imagine TV static would ring out,

If white tape marked its mouth.

-Owl.

#writing #poetry #poem #words #confessional poetry #metaphor #emptiness

[sadowlswriting]

i know it's silly to say this

because i'm a poet and all,

but i really am terrible

with words when it

comes down to it.

when i think, oh i'd like to

write a poem for my best friend

to read on her birthday,

suddenly all of the words

that matter are nowhere to be found.

how am i supposed to tell her

that she is my favorite person

in the entire universe?

that my life is insufferably worse

when she is not around?

how do i tell her that

she has saved my life

more times than i can fucking count

just by sticking around

and loving me the way that she does,

so fiercely and effortlessly?

i don't think i've done anything

fiercely or effortlessly

in my entire life.

how are you supposed to

thank someone for

something like that?

how could you ever

thank someone enough?

there are not enough

i love you's in the universe.

-mars

[sadowlswriting]

Seems you've deleted all your accounts,

I wanted to find you,

Add you back,

Remind you I still existed–

Exist.

I guess a part of me never realised,

Saying goodbye,

Meant goodbye.

You were present at the time my brain was still wet cement,

And you stayed long enough till it dried,

Till my brain had an imprint in the shape of you.

Why does it still hurt?

Why do I still feel a massive hole in my stomach,

When I think of you?

People change;

I wanted to know in what way you changed.

Everyone thought you liked me,

More than a friend;

I never really believed that.

Then again,

I never really believed anyone would want me.

Yet, you did.

A little too much.

How do I deal with this?

Knowing you're still here?

Knowing that you're only a few bus stops away?

That there's still pieces of you wedged under my skin?

It's even worse now,

Because I can't find you anywhere.

God.....

Did I leave imprints in your mind?

Or did I just build a sandcastle that you allowed the sea to wash away after I left?

You became the inspiration behind every word I wrote,

I have to thank you for that,

Because I found a love for doing this;

For taking everything I don't understand,

And tipping it out onto paper,

Sharing it to strangers that'll forget as soon as they read the last word.

I could write till my thumbs fell off,

And I'd find another way.

So many things about you,

Many I could repeat in different ways.

I never thought knowing a person,

Would hurt so much.

-Owl.

#writing #poetry #poem #words #confessional poetry #random poetry

[sadowlswriting]

TODAY IS THE DAY! My new poetry collection, Coffee Ring Lies, is now available for purchase! I poured my entire existence into this collection so it would mean alot if you checked it out!

[sadowlswriting]

I'm frustrated

with my own thoughts.

Am I breathing

or am I just

purging plastic sadness

and replacing it

with synthetic apathy?

This imbalance

is a branding

on the congested brain.

I wear it

like a chain

that chokes me

when I gaze at the sky.

Robert J. W.

[sadowlswriting]

Boredom buried itself in my stomach.

I longed to travel,

To walk with no intention behind it,

No place to belong.

I tied my laces and grabbed my jacket.

The day was unexpectedly warm,

And I was thankful I'd decided to make a habit of putting on suncream in the morning.

I walked the way I used to take for school in the mornings,

With my mother holding my hand,

Telling me of plans for when we return home.

It's the same way I see everyday,

Yet choose not to take.

Things have changed, as they do.

Sadness chips away at my bones,

As I walk past the school I went to,

The school that consumed most parts of my childhood,

Parts that decided to part ways with me, long ago.

My boots creek,

And my bones drip with a lack of self worth.

There's a ring of indents,

From where my socks hug my skin too tightly.

I have a scar on my elbow from god knows where,

And a feeling I've become all to familiar with,

Tries to fill in the dents in my skin,

And the holes in my teeth.

-Owl.

#writing #poetry #poem #words #confessional poetry #might change this at since point or add to it #metaphor #growing up

[sadowlswriting]

This is for the people who didn’t party in their teens and twenties. For the people who didn’t have that “coming of age” movie experience with shenanigans and revelations. This is for the people who mostly keep to themselves. Who maybe prefer things to be quieter and gentler. This is for the people who don’t feel like they belong in a culture that values loud parties and flashing lights. I see you. And you are valid.

[sadowlswriting]

You said, you liked my words.

I pray you never leave.

Most do.

They get bored of my repeated phrases,

And my misplaced use of punctuation.

So I write this,

With hope wrapped around each letter of every word,

Hand tying every knot with each mistake I make,

Each typo I press back to undo,

That you won't sigh the next time you come across these lines,

That you won't grow bored of this wrong style of writing of mine.

-Owl.

#writing #poetry #poem #words #confessional poetry #short poetry #metaphor

[sadowlswriting]

I think you can fall in love with being alone

With leaving whenever you want

And not having to tell anyone

With walking to the car

Humming because you aren’t talking to anyone

Being alone with your thoughts

In an empty apartment

And some tea

I think you can fall in love with yourself

Old reliable you

You that still surprises yourself

You that sometimes lets you down

[sadowlswriting]

Sometimes strange things happen,

And I let it happen.

Because searching for an explanation,

Means wasting time,

And I've already wasted enough of it as it is.

-Owl.

#writing #poetry #poem #words #confessional poetry #short poetry

[sadowlswriting]

In case no one told you growing up

Bras last longer if you let them air dry. Don’t put them in the dryer.

If you have a problem with frizzy hair, don’t dry your hair with a towel. It makes the frizzies worse. (I recently read an article that said to use a t-shirt? I brush mine out and let it air dry.)

Whites wash best in hot water. Everything else can be in cold - save on your electricity bill.

You can kill 99.9% of germs in a sponge by putting it in the dishwasher for a cycle or by microwaving it for 2 min (be sure to make the sponge damp before microwaving and to put a cup half full of water in with it and please DO NOT squeeze the sponge until it has cooled off)

Airing out your room/house and letting sunlight in every so often can decrease the number of household pests like silverfish and ants.

Black underwear is best during your period as stains are less likely to be visible.

To save money, put aside 10% of each paycheck into a savings account. It’ll add up.

Unless your hair has something on/in it (like grease or mud or something), using conditioner first can actually be the better choice. The conditioner holds in the good oils that help you hair look sleek and beautiful, which shampoo would otherwise wash away.

Speaking of shampoo - if you have long hair, washing just the bits that touch your scalp is generally enough. The rest of your hair gets cleaned with just the run off from your scalp.

If you put a tampon in and it’s uncomfortable/you can feel it, you didn’t do it quite right. A properly placed tampon is virtually unnoticeable by the wearer.

Apply deodorant/antiperspirant a couple hours in advance of when you need it. This gives the product the chance to block your sweat glands. Using deodorant just before going somewhere where you’ll sweat (this means walking outside for people in high humidity places) results in your sweat washing the deodorant off and starkly limiting its usefulness.

After running the dryer, use the dryer sheet from that load to brush out the lint catch - it gets everything off in a fraction of the time it’ll take you to get it clean with your bare hands. Paper towels also work well.

Wash your face everyday, or as often as possible. Forget which brand of cleanser is best. Just washing your face everyday will guarantee you clearer skin. And do you best not to pop pimples, as tempting as the urge may be.

Fold laundry asap after taking it from the dryer to avoid wrinkles. This may seem obvious for dress shirts and silly for things like t-shirts, but you’ll notice the difference even then once your shirts stop looking like unfolded paper balls.

[sadowlswriting]

If the right way is too hard, fuck it. Do it the wrong way.

Folding clothes keeps you from getting the laundry done? Stop folding clothes. Put a basket in your room and throw your unfolded clean stuff into it right out of the dryer, it's fine.

Rinsing dishes off keeps you from loading the dishwasher? Load them dirty and run it twice.

Chopping onions keeps you from making yourself dinner? Buy the freezer bags of chopped onions.

You forget to take your meds and don't want to get out of bed to get them? Start putting them next to the bed.

Can't keep up with the dishes? Get paper plates. Worried about environment impact? Order biodegradable ones online if your local store doesn't have one.

Make the task easier. Put things where you use them instead of where they "go." Eliminate the steps that keep you from finishing the task. Eliminate the task that is stressing you out.

Do it the "wrong" way. It's literally fine.

[sadowlswriting]

you don't need to run from what you feel, you don't have to feel guilty for moving on too late, or not getting your degree at specific time, losing your mind when you feel lost in the world. you are where, exactly you need to be.

[sadowlswriting]

You'll lick the foil,

And cut your tongue,

Complaining when it bleeds.

But I warned you,

And I told you not too.

Yet the words never reach you,

For I see you lick the foil still.

-Owl.

#writing #poetry #poem #words #confessional poetry #short poetry #metaphor #dont think too deeply on this #is literally about my stubborn little cat #wont stop licking the foil packets #i got a headache and she refuses to listen #i wanna sleep

[sadowlswriting]

you sit in your bed, turning the pages of a book you've been trying to finish for the longest time. this used to come so easy to you- reading. in a matter of days you'd gobble up hundreds of pages and not feel tired in the slightest.

getting to the end of a single one feels like a chore now.

you miss the middle school you. not in its entirety, but in the bits where you were the most productive you had ever been, where you had been relatively unscarred and full of naive hope. where you could read like it's the only thing in the world you could possibly do.

sometimes you think if reading is best enjoyed when engaged in as a form of escapism? is that why every time an exam or an important work task rolls around, the books abandoned on your nightstand suddenly look absolutely enticing? is that what you've done all of your childhood? escape?

[sadowlswriting]

I think someone could take me away,

And I wouldn't care.

I've fallen in love with a fantasy,

A person that doesn't exist,

And a version of me that could never be.

I need to get out my head.

I need to go outside.

I don't remember the last time I tied my boots onto my feet,

Or felt the wind caress my cheeks,

Or have my skin soaked with raindrops.

I want to grab a pillow and blanket,

And sleep on concrete,

Try to make stars out of the always cloudy covered skies,

And drown in the drops that splash against my skin.

I tried to use fantasy as a distraction,

Yet I pushed it too far into my reality,

That I'm not happy without it.

Fantasy is to be enjoyed, not to be lived.

I needed a break from myself,

So I tried to be a different person,

Now there's miserable fragments of me scattered around.

I love puzzles,

But I'm tired of always solving the same one.

It's the disappointment and anger that glues the pieces together.

I keep doing the same things on repeat,

Can I break a cycle that has already been carved into stone?

A cycle that like many times,

I've broken into different directions,

Only for it to circle back to the beginning.

Back to part that I hate,

To the part that everyone around me hates.

I was never an easy person to like,

A darkness clung to the skin of my back,

And I was always too quiet.

Because of that I was weird,

I was strange,

And some were scared to even be near me.

I think they were afraid,

That the darkness would jump from me and take a bite of them,

But the creature that dug its claws into my skin,

Was like a too loyal pet,

Only it wouldn't kill for me,

It wouldn't fight for me;

Instead,

It would hunt me,

Like a dog chasing a rabbit,

A cat catching a mouse,

It would hold me by the tail,

It would sink the tip of it's fangs into my throat,

It would draw blood.

And I'd let it.

Wasted my energy running from it,

than fighting it.

-Owl.

#writing #poetry #poem #words #confessional poetry #depression poetry #metaphor #this is kinda a mess #i couldnt really care right now