#[ hope you're all doing good guys!! ]

[liquidstar]

If my mom sees a significant amount of blood she gets lightheaded, and has fainted on some occasions. Once it happened when we were kids, I wasn't there to witness it but I heard the story from my dad. Basically my brothers, around 7 or 8 at the time, were playing outside while my mom was making their lunch, and she accidentally cut her finger. It wasn't anything serious, but it drew a fair bit of blood and she passed out. My dad saw this and rushed over, but he didn't really know what to do so he just sort of started slapping her to wake her up (not recommended, but he had no idea and panicked)

At that exact moment my brothers both came in from playing, and all they saw was our mom unconscious on the floor and our dad slapping her. So, like, without even saying a word to each other they both just INSTANTLY start whaling on him, like, full blown attack mode to defend our mom. Which obviously didn't help the situation, but she did wake up and everything was fine.

Now our dad says that he's actually really glad they attacked him over what they thought was going on, because it means he raised good boys. And I still think that's true, they're very good boys.

#i think about this story sometimes like yeah I'm proud of them for that too actually. good job baby brothers #they're not babies anymore of course they're turning 20 next year which is crazy #but they're still the type of people who'd do something if they saw something of this sort happen for sure #respectful of women and everyone else too. they're good guys #I'm glad I ended up with them living in my house against my will for like 14 years #anyway i have no idea where i was for all this but my best guess is probably a friends house given the time period #i was always at my besties house lol #i hope she's doing well too actually. haven't spoken in forever... #bestie from greek elementary school... if you're out there... let's get muffins and fanta at the bakery across the street again someday 💜☮️

[codenamesazanka]

What Deku doesn't understand is that the “League of Villains” encapsulates exactly who Tenko - the Crying Child Deku was so adamant about saving - is. He thinks reaching out a hand, smashing that hatred, and saving Tenko means getting Tenko to abandon the League. He is completely wrong - and he would've realized this if he just talked to Shigaraki in all the time he fought against Shigaraki. And listened to what Tenko said in Chapter 418.

The League of Villains is the group Shigaraki Tomura created in order to wreck shit and kill All Might and bring down Hero Society. Shigaraki picked the name and picked the purpose and picked its members and he leads them towards the apocalypse—

—and this is also the group of outcasts that are his comrades and friends; that he gathered and created a place for, where they can be themselves in a society that ruthlessly denied them that. He accepted Twice without care for his insanity and inability to use his quirk, never pushed Twice to do more than he was able to. He accepted Spinner despite being a Stain fanboy and having a weak, nearly useless quirk, and promised him the destruction of the world that hurt him; for all of League. When Toga was pushed by the other members to choose a Villain name despite wanting to live as herself, as Toga Himiko, Shigaraki spoke up in indirect defense of her choice, providing himself as an example of someone who didn't use a Villain name, and who can override the boss' words? Dabi was allowed to come and go as he pleased, and although he was the most aloof member, by the end, he was declaring the world burn for "our" sake - plural; the League's. Mr. Compress believed in Shigaraki enough to entrust an ancestor's dream and family legacy to him; when surrounded by Heroes at Jaku, he was willing to die to save Shigaraki, to let him escape.

The League is a collection of people that Shigaraki cares for - that he saved. That was always the surest sign that ‘Tenko’, sweet and kind and hero-aspiring boy, was alive inside.

Without the League, without having seen the time Shigaraki spent with the League, a reader can just write off Shigaraki and say there’s nothing left in there worth saving. The League is literally the evidence for Tenko have still existed and that Shigaraki was "worth" saving, long before we ever saw ‘Inner Tenko’.

But Deku doesn't understand that.

To go further: outside of the League, Shigaraki still had his distorted but undeniable kindness and fairness. I've spoke about it before, and sorry for repeating myself, but even towards his Villain enemies, he gives them consideration: Shigaraki left Overhaul crippled, but 100 chapters later, he's still continuing Overhaul's work - the quirk erasing bullets - and even laments that Overhaul would be disappointed when Shigaraki sees some of the bullets destroyed. All For One at Jaku tries to take over his body, at the time seemingly only a phantom voice in his head, but Shigaraki still acknowledges that he's grateful AFO took him in. It's only when AFO oversteps that again and again, taking possession of his body, that Shigaraki would tear the AFO vestige from inside out and mock him when the opportunity arises.

And there's ReDestro, and the importance of the ending of MVA. RD and his army picks a fight with Shigaraki - something that Shigaraki explicitly points out; the blame for what happened to Deika is on largely them. RD challenged Shigaraki and the League; blackmailed them, kidnapped their broker, and attacked their pitiful 6-member team with a town-sized militia; insulted Shigaraki, destroyed The Hands, tried to kill him. Shigaraki had every reason to just dust RD while the man was sitting there bleeding out with his legs cut off. Just finish him off without even giving the guy last words. It was more than fair.

But Shigaraki didn't. He went and talked to RD. To mock him for picking this fight, but it was still a talk. And when RD acknowledge his defeat and kowtowed, Shigaraki let him live. Took over his army and resources, but RD was still alive and even made lieutenant.

Without this - if Shigaraki had just dusted RD after defeating him - we would have only seen Shigaraki as a conquerer and not someone who can be reasoned with. He would just be AFO with different minions. And Shigaraki wasn't.

He can be brutal, and he seems like he's destroying for evil fun; but Shigaraki has his compassion and justice. A Villainous Hero for the Villains. It's why he destroys; it's why he doesn't regret his actions, why he wishes good luck to Deku to continue it, even after Deku smashed his core of anger and hatred. Shigaraki saved his League, and he refuses to disavow doing so. Because he shouldn't.

And Deku just doesn't understand that.

#nalslastworkingbraincell #despite. the everything-ness of the last two chapters #and despite Deku being entrusted with 'that depends on you guys' #and despite Shigaraki fucking dying because the Heroes failed #I think I actually like what Shigaraki said to Deku #I feel like it fits. it makes sense for Shigaraki #the problem is that it's Deku #but yeah #the potential sarcasm of 'really. do your best' #is very Shigaraki as well #'if you want to defeat noumu you gotta get your hands dirty and tear him apart piece by piece' #cruel - egging All Might to cruelty - but a tip #'you're the great senpai of us criminal filth' to Stain #mocking but true #'you're a wakagashira so where are your manners' #also mocking but true #deku said 'you already destroyed it' #and shigaraki responds 'depends. holding you responsible for that being true. good luck.' #sincere but also sarcastic and also dragging Deku down to his level and intention of change and destruction #maybe i'm deluding myself #blinded by hope

[bitchthefuck1]

Rewatching succession it really is wild to see Kendall and Shiv convince themselves over and over again that they can "fix ATN/Waystar from the inside" only to completely abandon their morals the minute it gives them a strategic advantage.

When they're on the outside it's an endless diatribe about how evil and rotten the company is to its core, but the second they get the slightest whiff of power they suddenly decide the problems are actually really manageable and that with the right leadership it could be a force for good, and like...the saddest part is that they genuinely seem to believe that.

#where's that crime and punishment quote about how the worst thing is that you've betrayed yourself for nothing... #and they really seem to think its true! they genuinely believe that they can turn it around and make it good! it's not an act! #kendall really thinks he's a feminist and 'one of the good ones' and shiv really does think she stands with/for women and liberal #ideals and the truth is that no matter how much they might care about those things they will always love power more and they #are infinitely more invested in the power structures that keep injustice alive than they are in actually trying to stop injustice #roman is the only one who's actually aware and honest about how fucked it all is but he thinks that means everything's bullshit and #therefore nothing matters. which can be just as dangerous as convincing yourself you're the good guy (see: america decides) #that's one of the things i like so much about the ending for shiv and kendall bc they're finally forced to confront the lies they've been #telling themselves. and like. maybe that'll go nowhere. maybe they won't change. but they might. and the only hope they have #of actually growing as people and maybe doing something good is if that illusion gets shattered #idk man i just have so many thoughts about succession #succession #shiv roy #kendall roy

[hella1975]

hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x

#seriously another shout out to my mutuals #id particularly like to say thank you to boom who's always right there for me no matter what's happening or how insane im being #and also everyone in our little discord that wound up having to make a whole new channel for venting #bc i was there so often like 'today's weird ask isssss.... telling me about my cupsize!! rip them to shreds!!!' #hannah and theo especially being there and pushing me to finally turn off anon. war is truly over #and of course rori bc the shamelessness u show when hating on my anon asks has been genuinely really cathartic #sometimes u really do just need a rottweiler mutual to tell random people online to kill themselves 😭 #okay weird oscar acceptance speechcore gratitude over. i do just rlly love my mutuals #like i went three years not telling anyone about the worse side of internet popularity for fear of looking spoiled and ungrateful #so for the first time to open up about it and be met with outrage on my behalf and people saying in fact it's MORE fucked up #than i initially realised bc ive grown desensitised to it is. yeah cathartic i guess #they are singlehandedly reassuring me of the good this cursed app still holds #so everyone thank them and send them flowers NOW #okay im done i think. see you guys soon. i truly do want to come back asap bc like i said i NEVER EVEN WANTED TO FUCKING LEAVE #SOME ASSHOLES JUST HAD TO PUT GRENADES ON WHAT I ASSUMED WERE VERY UNIVERSAL AND OBVIOUS BOUNDARIES #if you're reading this like 'ohhh fuck i defo sent something invasive lately. i thought it was a joke/we were friends' #then 1) we arent friends if you're on anon. it immediately creates a power imbalance where you know me and any necessary context #but i have no idea who you are or how much you know about me. that's already a fucked dynamic #and 2) I HOPE YOU FEEL BAD. LIKE GENUINELY I HOPE YOU FEEL AWFUL AND HAVE A GOOD LONG LOOK AT YOURSELF #okay i think that's all. ta-ra lads??? how tf do u end something like this #ive queued this to reblog a couple more times throughout the day

[deoidesign]

.

#ok finally making a post about meds #I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without' #I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk. #can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset #so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but #it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways #so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone #like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work... #for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well! #it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus #my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night #sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired #it was more something that I just did because I had to. #but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end... #I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too. #but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted #but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk. #anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too #but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared #so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow #anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING #that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up #I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world #and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better. #but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on #and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much. #and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so... #I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better. #and I'm just crying because of all this combined. #I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!

[lord-squiggletits]

Y'know the thing about writing feral/unhinged versions of Orion/Optimus, is that you can't go too far into the feral/unhinged direction to a point where OP's core character traits are lost or become too diminished. After all, in a multiple-continuity franchise like TF, part of what makes the stories make sense is that even if details change (sometimes major details), the characters are still recognizably themselves to one degree or another. (Although this isn't always the case due to executive meddling or some characters being such blank slates from their initial G1 appearances that there's basically nothing to model them off of, but I digress.)

It's pretty much another reason why I love IDW1 Optimus, bc he literally is a canonical feral/unhinged Optimus who's unhinged as a direct consequence of who he is as a person and what he's been through. Like, he still has those fundamental character traits of trying his best to be moral and make good choices, trying to be a role model, etc, except after 4 million years of war and untreated depression he's basically holding onto his sense of self by his fingertips. So when he "goes feral" e.g. losing his temper and beating up/killing people or saying hurtful things, he's feral in a way that's directly tied to his normal personality and not just as a random quirk he has.

IDW OP's feral moments arise from the gaps between "Optimus' attempts to be who he thinks he needs to be" and "the reality of the world that he can't fix/seems to only make worse" that cause him to lose hope, or become cynical, or lose his temper. But in this case, the unhinged-ness makes perfect sense because it arises out of Optimus trying and failing to be the best person or to make the most morally good choices he's trying to make. Basically, the "feral/unhinged" label is just another way of me trying to say that he's not just unhinged because he's weird or because he's a bad person, but because it's an emotional reaction (more like an emotional explosion due to pent-up emotions) to the context he exists in.

I'd also say that IDW OP's personality being generally reserved/stoic and (trying to be) noble works in tandem with those moments he has of going feral because it makes him more realistic. His psyche is treated in a way where the writers are like, "Hey what if the pressure of having to be everyone's idol and be the best person in the galaxy at all times actually broke Optimus down mentally and emotionally?" It makes IDW OP far more relatable. Instead of naturally being a perfect Christ-like figure who never wavers in his morals or convictions and is just naturally a nice person who always has the wisest and best answer, being a good person is something that IDW OP has to consciously strive to be. Even when he feels like it's useless, or the cycle of violence will never stop, or any attempts he makes to help only ends up with things becoming worse.

And I feel like this does a service not only to IDW Optimus as a character, but also as a sort of moral/philosophical perspective for the reader to ponder upon? I feel like culture at large (or at least my experience of it) tends to believe that "goodness" in a person is simply an innate feature that people are born/not born with, and that being "good" means that you must be good at all times, both in your actions as well as the way you feel emotionally about yourself and the world. Like, there's a tendency for our vision of "a good person" to be good in every aspect at all times without having to try to be a good person. So I think IDW Optimus' character stands as a good example of how someone can be good at heart but still struggle to maintain those feelings of optimism and hope and justice. It's a good idea to have such a paragon of a character (in-universe and out-of-universe) be so conflicted and to even be mistaken, misguided, or make things worse because it shows that goodness is as much about "trying to behave/act in a way that is good" and not just "existing as an innately good person."

It's way more realistic for a person to want to be good, try to be good, and sometimes/often fail than it is for them to just be a good person. I enjoy the fact that IDW Optimus is both a good person at heart, but also has to strive to be a good person and live up to other people's expectations of what they see in him. I like how he wants to be a good person and change society for the better, but he also spends a good amount of time either feeling hopeless and alone or being angry at/detached from other people because of how frustrated they make him. He's realistically portrayed as someone who wants to be good and hopeful and change things for the better, but is also mentally and emotionally broken by that burden because of how impossible it is for him to Fix Everything and be the Perfect Prime/Leader/Autobot that people see him as. It's this fascinating mixture of "yes, this is who he is as a person" but also "there are things he desires to be that he could never possibly become or live up to."

This got really far off based from feral/unhinged Optimus sdklfjaslkdlfkas. The TLDR is that if people want unhinged OP, I feel like they should give IDW OP a chance because he IS unhinged but he's unhinged in a way that's a realistic/thematic representation of how being an Absolute Good is impossible. And how being a good person isn't just about Existing And You Are A Good Person, but rather goodness is a constant state of flux in which you adjust, you make mistakes, you lose your temper and feel hopeless, but then you pick yourself up and try again.

Also IDW OP really likes climbing in dangerous wilderness and jumping out of flying vehicles which I think is very feral and sexy of him to do.

#squiggposting #idw op love #idk if i adequately explained it in the body of the post. but i really do feel some kind of way about the idea of like #being a good person isn't about just being static. always being the same person. just naturally being good and nice all teh time #but rather being a good person will cause you to be CHALLENGED and being a good person calls you to ACT #and you WILL make mistakes. there's never a situation in which you're all wise and always have the right solution or are infinitely patient #but goodness is something you can CHOOSE something you can BECOME and you can still have negative emotions and CHOOSE to be good #like being a good person is a continuous process of self improvement. you aren't just born a good person #and i'm not trying to tear down the notion of 'goodness' or say it doesn't exist #rather i'm trying to say that it's far more comforting to hear that you don't have to be The Best Person at all times #it's comforting to know that good people aren't just Effortlessly Good because they were Just Born That Way Naturally #there certainly are some people like that but most of us aren't like that. and i just like idw op for that reason #he shows that like. you can be a fucked up mentally ill guy who despairs and loses his temper and is basically suicidal #but you also still genuinely try to be hopeful and try to help others. like you are good because you Try To Be Good #and you Try To Hold Onto Your Principles bc giving up or becoming evil isn't an option for you #but also trying to be A Good Person drives you fucking crazy bc we live in a universe where that perfect good simply isn't possible #so the result is an optimus who's at once Noble Paragon and Unhinged bc he's unhinged as a result of trying to be a paragon

[gaystims]

I love you stim bloggers with F/O's!

I love you stim bloggers who make self-indulgent stimboards of them!

I love you stim bloggers who make stimboards of their self inserts!

I love you people who engage with their F/O's via making stimboards, aesthetics, ect

#woof woof~ #we don't really have f/o's- just guys that i want to punch- but I do hope you're all having a good day if you do #don't let cringe culture tell you not to make things that make you happy!

[teabutmakeitazure]

me: there's cinnamon in the tea? ugh I don't like cinnamon in tea.

"you're so picky. you have to go to an unfamiliar house, so what're you gonna do if your mother-in-law likes cinnamon in tea? don't have such preferences. it's not attractive on a girl 😄"

yeah I'm busting my ass off and greying my hair and losing weight at an unhealthy rate for my degree so that a lady who I have never met in my life can dictate my life choices before I even meet her. okay.

#just because you're in an unhappy marriage doesn't mean everyone has to suffer for marriage #this probably isnt relatable but i hope people understand why sometimes i writethe shit i do #in twisted but tender the conversation reader has her mom after childe'e visit was a real conversation i had #and then they ask why i dont like the motherland #like yeah. okay. i suffered for 7 years to get into a top 30 university and am still suffering for an engineering degreefrom there just so- #-that random women who didnt even bother to read a book in their entire life because their sole purpose was to get married can tell me what- #-i should and shouldnt be doing and shame me for wanting to live for myself and not some man and his mother whom i have never met in my life #this is why i like war criminals and mentally ill and traumatised men #yeah he'd lock me up in his basement or something but at least he'd LIKE me and not treat me like a maid like the rest of you #good god man get a life and stop ruining mine #this wasnt the only thing she said #she continued to talk about how im too independent and should be eating everything and cooking everything because i wont know what my- #-mother in law and husband would like so i should be trained and not fail in that #i would love to cook for my husband and feed him and take care of him but when u shove it into my face like that I'd rather not marry at all #delete later #20k aventurine fic might take some time #sorry for the delay guys #zuri rambles

[something-about-sunflowers]

Izzy Antis: *post bad-faith bait in the Izzy Hands tag*

Izzy Fans: *respond accordingly*

Izzy Antis:

(gifs via: @laceratedlamiaceae​)

#the dork is being a dork #izzy hands #the izcourse #seriously like. it does not reflect well on you guys. like. at all. #i'd say 'i hope for your sake s2/3 doesn't burn down your shitty party' but that'd be a lie 🤷‍♂️ #also #'respond accordingly' can be like. literally ANYTHING we do in response #block? 'why am i blocked i didn't do anything!' good faith debate? 'i'm being attacked!' pointing out it's bait? 'you're so paranoid!' #(alternative to 'you're so paranoid' is just trying to silently delete the post - which in this case is insidious because it doesn't come #with an apology or changed behavior it's almost an attempt to gaslight tbh)

[captainclint]

ngl my first reflex was to check the wj tag before even thinking about watching the London M9 reunion..... welp

#widojest #personal stuff #kudos to all the lovely people keeping this tag alive btw #i miss the good ol' days when we were all looking for tiny details and interactions ahhhh #miss you guys hope you're doing well #we'll always have traveler con

[despairforme]

Shinigami AU when?

#[ nnoitra: NO THANKS ] #[ i kinda waaaaant it tho ] #[ would be fun ] #[ nnoitra would be in the 11th of course ] #[ HELLO GUYS !! ] #[ i'm thinking i should do some writing but i'm veeery sleepy today t-t ] #[ WILL TRY! hope you're all doing good! ] #toby post. ╱ out of character.

[melverie]

Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh today I've been constantly experiencing the urge to un-private today-in-the-devildom & start writing for it again

#i'm gonna ramble in the tags but #i've been talking with starr (if you're reading this--hi starr!! <3) about the blog today and sharing some of the entries #and it just made me miss it so much #+ the conversation actually made me realize some other reasons why i didn't enjoy the blog in general anymore #like i genuinely love the blog and i genuinely loved writing for it & that conversation reminded me of that #but also there were so many reasons that ultimately pushed me to more or less abandon the blog & then later private it too #so i'm kind of at a loss here #tbh i think i'm mostly just scared to pick the blog up again only for it to end exactly like last time i picked it back up #i've actually always wanted for the blog to be a source of inspiration y'know? #like the things mentioned in the entries are kinda just small ideas right #i was hoping that people would read these & feel inspired to write or draw something of their own based on my entries #that was actually what made me start the blog in the first place. the hope that i could inspire others that way #aaahhhhhh.... maybe it's on me since i could have more openly communicated that idea...... #i did get to meet one wonderful person who wrote a few fics based on my entries tho!! (hi ali <3) #but yeah..there's that #also the way engagement just dropped significantly after a while #like i know i was gone for a good while & that a lot of people left the fandom and all that #but still getting maybe one reblog if i'm lucky really feels like a punch to the gut #ESPECIALLY considering that i was close to 900 followers on there #do you guys know that feeling when you proudly show someone you care about something you did only to get a disinterested answer? #yeah... #that's essentially how it feels like to me #and well as you might know the feeling of “why should i keep writing if apparently no one cares” eventually won... haha..... #but aaaahhhhh i'm still clinging onto the hope & what ifs here #that conversation with starr really just made me forget about everything that frustrated me about the blog & left me with this #longing feeling to start again lol #hey if you've made it this far into the tags let me just ask--would you care if i picked the blog back up? #would you also *show* that you care? #i'm actually quite curious (you could almost call me george lol) #anyway maybe we'll see each other on today-in-the-devildom again in the future.. who knows

[crescentfool]

beaming everyone on the dashh with good brain day vibes!!! i hope that you all can remember to extend self-compassion to yourself whenever you're feeling down about something 💙

#lizzy speaks #the human brain works in such profound ways i think #lately i've been thinking about that post that was like 'you will always be your oldest friend take care of yourself' #it's definitely a sentiment i agree with and i appreciate how it emphasizes the importance of extending compassion to yourself #you wouldn't say such hurtful things to your friends right? (or at least i'd hope so) #so why would you say it to yourself? #you are your own friend too. and i think everyone has a beautiful soul within themselves. nurture it! water it! feed it good thoughts. #basically i wish everyone a 'i hope that your brain is not your own enemy but rather a friend that you can find comfort in' #things will work themselves out with time. there's beauty in life and you will find small delights to cherish!! i am manifesting it for u!! #and for those who find it difficult to transition from a self-critical mindset to one that's more compassionate and nonjudgmental #i truly think that with time you will be able to rewire your brain to be kinder to yourself. i'm proud of you for taking any first steps :) #there are times in which it feels counterintuitive to go against habits that feel hard-wired... but brains are very malleable littel guys- #with such a wonderful capacity for changing and learning new things. so i hope everyone can learn to be their own best friend! #not to undermine the importance of a support network ofc. that's good too and im all for that!! but i hope everyone remembers to be kind- #not only to others but also to themselves!! you're going to do great out there!! i love you all!! #ive just been thinking about this a lot... i needed to get it out there. you all shine so brightly!!! we shall be fine!!! have a good week! #sorry if this is out of nowhere but if there's anything about me you should know it's that i'm the 'hey dont cry 8 billion people on earth- #ok?' post. idk i just find great joy in knowing others are out there thriving and finding a daily delight yknow i love humanity!!

[siriuslynephilim]

spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me

#im so tired living seems pointless why am i doing this what is the reason #the firm i work at is going thru a merger so it's releasing all the interns except 2 #i went into her office and said that id like to stay here bc my dad said so bc i got in cause he was friends with the head #and she said ill think about it based on performance ive not decided yet #and this other guy he went in to tell her that cool he'll leave and she told him that she was hoping that he'd stay #he literally does nothing but play games on his phone he doesn't work at all #i have no idea what he has that i don't #but just. im stuck like this forever right never ever good enough for people i like or care about #not for parents they have a diff fav child not for ex gf not for bestie who has a boyfriend much better at loving her than me #not for that one guy who rejected me in interview bc i don't read the newspaper and didn't know the date of the finance act #im so fucking sick of this i never even wanted to this fuckinh course and obviously even my best isn't enough and ofc im not good enough #for anyone in this field and ill just struggle and struggle and struggle all my life just to earn some fucking money so i can live away #from my sociopathic parents #and the worst part is that i can't stop feeling like maybe it IS me yk maybe i am the problem maybe im not trying hard enough #but how else am i supposed to handle this i prioritize my studies and lose all my friends i prioritise my friends and fail in d #exams #and the trauma keeps on coming every fucking day bc sociopathic parents but i jsut push it down and say not rn i will cry at night anx then #never cry #i wish someone would just tell me that idk you're wrong you're not made for this you really do have some mental illness and you're really #trying your best and do something that's easy and that you love doing #oh god this is now a ventpost #mes

[kenanda]

arthur: ok, this argument is getting heated. let's pause and take a minute to breathe and calm down.

john: alright. thank you.

me: awww they're becoming more self aware for the sake of each other, talking things out, that's so nice 🥰

*arthur and john barely 5min later literally beating the shit out of one another and saying horrible things to the other*

me:

NOOOOOOOOOOO

#YOU BITCHES WERE MAKING PROGRESS FOR FUCKS SAKE #to be fair that episode was kinda hazy to me so I'm not actually sure that it was really john saying #all those things to arthur #or if it was the king #but I'm assuming it was indeed john because that's way more tragic than 'oh MY john would never do that' #oh no no no boy HIS john WOULD say those things #because no matter how deeply you care about someone you still have the ability to hurt them #in fact you're probably the most likely one to hurt them the most #because you know their heart #I'm inclined to say john said those things intentionally to hurt arthur bc john himself was hurting #which is insanely fucked up and DELICIOUS #look at how much progress they've made bUT ALSO LOOK AT HOW TWISTED THESE HORRIBLE LITTLE GUYS ARE #i hope no one gets between what these two have going on or else may the good Lord spare their poor soul #malevolent #malevolent podcast #nanda's ramblings #also I'm loving the whole thing with them being stuck under the mountain cos it reminds me of The Nameless City

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Im not diagnosed with anything, but I don't need any doctor to tell me I KNOW I have executive dysfunction. I have trouble contacting friends, my community, even my partner. But I find it much easier to talk with my sister. It's like that wall and forgetfulness and unwillingness is all gone. I hope you have some one like that, too. The guilt may be hard, but you got through today, we can do tomorrow. You're not alone. I know there's nothing realistically I can do to help, but I send you well wishes and I'll pray for you. (Sorry if that seems weird, i dont mean to seem rude, I am religious, and many days, it feels like its the only thing i can do.) But I wish you peace of mind. Keep your strength.

it doesn't seem weird! i may not be religious in the least but i Understand the Meaning/Intent, so thank you! means a lot! i wish you luck as well, ik it must suck More being undiagnosed but knowing there's something up

#but yeah! i do have someone actually #for me its My Dear Bestie (if you're reading this my darling homie: hi!!!! lemme know if we're on for pink ladies tonight <3) #(if not im gonna break into your house and drink all of your bellini. the good one <3) #but yeah i appreciate the nice message and your well wishes!! #i hope you figure out whats up #it sure sounds like executive function to me but hey! im no professional in any sense! #have a good week my guy. and month. and year! #may things get easier for the both of us. and everyone reading this who's Going Through It as well #rambles from the bog