2022/12/29
BGM: Depeche Mode - Everything Counts
ここ最近、靴下やシステム手帳用のリフィルなどを買っていったらお金が順調になくなってきた。ただそういった「やむを得ない」消費だけではなく、年末年始のプレッシャーからの過食気味もあるので削れる出費は削らなければならない。そうした出費を抑える努力に加えて、お金を持ち続けている状態に慣れることも必要なのかな、と思った。貧乏が身に染み付いているせいか、自分はお金を持っていても落ち着かず使うことに快楽を感じる傾向があるように思ったのだ。慣れなければならない。少しずつセーブして、お金を少しでも手元に残す努力をしたいと思った。
二階堂奥歯『八本脚の蝶』を読む。当たり前の話をするが、「二階堂奥歯」は彼女の本名ではない。彼女は自分自身にそうした名を与えた。そして、彼女はその「二階堂奥歯」を大事に育ててきた。そうした、自分自身の主体と客体を分けた状態で客体を育てる努力を彼女は行ってきた。こうして分身的存在と一緒に生きることは、しかし何ら奇妙なことではない。私たちもまたそうした分身的存在を設定し、一緒に生きて並走していると言えるのではないか。私だって「踊る猫」という名前を自分に名付けて、そして生きているのだから。
その主客が分離し、そして再統合を果たした状態を生きることはどのような影響を精神に及ぼすのだろう。「理想の自分」を客体として作り出すことはできるのかもしれない。だが、それはあくまで「客体としての自分」であり「主体としての自分」「この自分」ではない……そこで考えが止まってしまう。そうした「主客の分離」のキツさと、それを経て人格の再統合を成し遂げること。そこに関心が及んだ。読むに連れて彼女の記述は混迷を極めていく。おびただしい引用の森の中から彼女の悲鳴が聞こえてくるようで、実に印象的な読書だった。他に言葉が見つからない。
夜、オンラインミーティングに参加する。そこでチャリティーショップを営んでおられる方の話を聞かせてもらう。話はそのショップの実情から市井のボランティア活動として行われているさまざまな支援にまで及んだ。政府や行政が何もしてくれない、と嘆くのは簡単だ。だが、こうして「ならば私が」と自ら活動に乗り出し「汚れを被る」覚悟をすることを忘れてはならないと思う。現状の活動の問題点に関しても話が及び、実に闊達に意見交換が行われた会となったように思った。私も話に出たチャリティーショップに行って店内を見渡したいと思わされた。私の消費活動が何かの足しになれば。
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Yamada Ryosuke x Yoshine Kyoko
anan 2296 Close Up
(I paraphrased a little. Please let me know if there are any errors. They also did individual interviews but I'm to lazy to translate. Photos in the bottom.)
- This is the second time you have shared a screen together, but this time, you are playing “Azakawa* man” Maruya Kousuke and the “Robot woman” Sanada Izumi who was unmoved by his killer smile.
Yamada: Since it’s a love comedy, getting the right balance between us is the most important thing. Izumi didn’t have a lot of lines and was very hard to read in the first half, so Kousuke was very frustrated & kept asking (himself) “What’s wrong with her?” This mismatched feeling is a point to watch.
Yoshine: Of course we have to make each character memorable in their own way, but we also need to make sure the charms of each character play off each other to become even more than that. Recently, I acted by making an effort to anticipate how Yamada-san would react / feel.
Yamada: To what extent will she go to play the “robotic woman”? I could see how hard she worked [in those scenes] .
Yoshine: “What do you think?” I asked frequently.
Yamada: I said something like, “Ah, it’s annoying.” (laughs).
Yoshine: And I said something like, “Well, that’s OK then.” (laughs)
Yamada: We go back and forth like that.
*Azakawa = Azatoi + Kawaii, which basically refers to people, usually female, who use their cuteness to get their way (whether for good or evil).
- Then Kousuke realized his cuteness will expire soon, he kept hitting brick walls at work. When you hit a brick wall at work, what do you do?
Yamada: I don’t think much about walls. Although there are times when I thought “Wah!”, I am the type who does not think there are walls that cannot be torn down.
Yoshine: For me, it’s now!
Yamada: Eh?
Yoshine: This role. I’m trying to overcome it now.
Yamada: Oh, I see.
Yoshine: Up till now, I have acted in many “Believe in what’s inside me!” roles. But this time, I have to be more conscious of the “robot” feeling than I thought. So I feel like I’m hitting a roadblock when I have to hide the “think of myself as a weapon” kind of thought. I felt the difficulty even during the table read. But when I asked Yamada-san “is it OK”, he said “just act like you do right now and you’ll be OK”, and I thought “I’ll believe him and act”. Your words pushed me through the first day, so if it didn’t work, it’s all his fault. (laughs)
Yamada: Ha ha ha (laughs). It’s my job as the lead to take full responsibility.
- You feel the many charms and strengths of your partners, right?
Yamada: Yoshine san was able to fully immerse in [her role] even during the table read of “Kiokuya: Anata wo Wasurenai” last time. I think of a table read as the place where you work out the closeness and balance of your scene partners, so when I saw Yoshine san fully committing at that stage, it felt really shocking and thrilling. Also, although I’m shy, since we played childhood friends, I worked hard to try to shorten our distance…
Yoshine: Because I rejected [him] (laugh). I’m also shy, so I don’t know how to shorten the distance.
Yamada: Although I wasn’t able to do anything for Yoshine san, who had a lot tough scenes last time, I really felt “this person is a genius” with the way she was able to immerse in her role. Since it’s a love comedy this time, I am glad we can have fun.
Yoshine: Yamada san is very good at taking care of people. Not only that, I think he is very good at maintaining a balance, whether it’s last time or this time.
Yamada: I’ll take that. (laughs)
Yoshine: Last time when I was struggling, you kept a good distance between us. I am the type who likes to be alone when I am concentrating, so a lot of people try to be careful and stay away. However, Yamada san still had me in his sights despite us not talking. I thought he gave me a really great sense of security… (joking)
Yamada: Thank you. (laughs)
Yoshine: Since you had sown a lot of seeds to get close to me, so I didn’t feel shy. Although I already announced that “I am shy”.
- Kousuke’s rival has appeared, do you think you must have a rival?
Yamada: It’s probably good to have one. I think it’s nice to have someone who can give you a good challenge, this way you can work hard so you won’t lose to that person. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to have [a rival].
Yoshine: I also don’t think it’s a bad thing, but I’d rather make friends than have rivals. I’m sure there are many ways a rival can exist, but I want us to be able to go forward shoulder to shoulder. It’s definitely more fun this way, to work hard [together]. I really hate losing to myself more than anyone. If I don’t do my best now, I will probably regret it.
Yamada: I can feel that a lot when I see that.
Yoshine: It's stubbornness to hate to lose. It’s a really bad personality trait. (laughs)
Yamada: No, no. It’s a good thing and is necessary for this job. This time too, you’ll probably win against yourself in spite of the hardship.
- By the way, you’re playing salespeople this time. Sell this drama!
Yamada: Each episode is worth 10 million yen!
Yoshine: If you watch it, your skin will become healthy.
Yamada: It will, next day!... No, that’s not what they asked for! (laughs) But really, it’s a drama that will make you feel happy the next day.
Yoshine: There is not a single hateful character, so it’s really refreshing.
Yamada: For people who want to feel your heart beat faster, and for those who want to laugh, please watch.
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