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bratz-kitten · 3 years

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attack on titan characters - birth chart analysis 🌙

Here is my take on the big 6 of Levi, Eren, Armin and Mikasa of attack on titan/shingeki no kyojin! I kept their sun signs since we know the day and month of their birthday and since I think they’re absolutely perfect. If you want me to do my take on the others (like Jean, Historia, Erwin, Hanji, Connie, Sasha, Reiner, etc) please let me know! (spoiler warning!)

Levi Ackerman

sun in capricorn - levi mf ackerman is fuelled by three things and three things only: LOYALTY, a strong moral code and power. he is seen by most people as a heartless, unemotional bastard but is canonically the most emotional character - he shows love through very indirect ways and he’s the peak of capricorn in the sense that he represses his emotions – he smiled literally ONE time in four seasons, and didn’t once shed a tear. he’s very hard to read. has a lot of respect for his superiors and follows the orders of only those he’s loyal to. he’s driven by his moral codes in the sense that the protection of humanity is his prime motive for fighting titans. like a true capricorn, is the master of his field of work and cares the most about being a survey corp member. please protect this tragic baby.

virgo rising - two words: CLEAN FREAK. this man has a strong need to be presentable at all times and hates getting blood on his hands for the single fact that he needs himself and his environment to be clean. his obsession with being clean is very much due to his childhood trauma and how he lived in in poor conditions in the underground. he has many quirks that correlate with this: the way he holds his cup, the carvat he uses bc of his mother, and the way he always cuts his own hair because that’s the way his mother used to do it. intimidating and demands respect. DRY HUMOUR.

moon in scorpio - i think he has many similarities with mikasa, especially in the moon and venus. introverted and hates people but will go to the ends of the earth to protect the ones he loves and respects. represses emotions and internalizes his hatred until he has a mental breakdown - which happens in the form of extreme violence. VERY sensitive and emotional even if he doesn’t show it. he’s very intuitive and often acts based on gut; he’s secretive and vindictive. very wise and great at giving advice. doesn’t let himself get manipulated and uses shitty situations to his advantage (like with the reeves company). trust is the most important thing to him.

mercury in aquarius - levi is extremely logical, and hates when others involve their feelings in the making of decisions. his decisions are always backed up by strong arguments and others often see him as cold and detached. i saw someone mention something extremely interesting about aquarius mercury’s/people with their mercuries in the 11th house: despite not being very sociable, others are drawn to them for friendships – and often they’re the introverts who get “adopted” by extroverts. this is 100% levi’s case, hanji and erwin practically adopted him. being very vulgar with his words and having a distinctive sense of humour, he’s very humanitarian and is actually really talkative but only when he’s very comfortable around someone. blunt, always tells it like it is – like when he tells eren he can’t know what the right choice really is and he needs to choose it himself. teases and insults his friends as a form of affection.

mars in scorpio - levi’s a fighter, a survivor. he knows what it’s like to come from nothing and have to build himself up. very confrontational. reclaims his power by exerting intimidation and mastering violence. others fear doing as much as make a joke at his expense. understands other’s motivations and characters very easily. he’s very intuitive. very serious due to his need for having an intense and demanding presence, for being respected and valued. he’s the one who everyone sighs of relief when things go to shit and he appears because you know he’s the strongest and most dependable person.

venus in capricorn - good luck getting this motherfucker to open up. his trust is very hard to gain but is necessary for working with him – he places his full trust in his comrades and demands the same from them. very work-oriented and takes relationships very serious; it’s really telling that he cares little for romance because capricorn venuses are the ones to date to marry, and will only devote themselves to someone once they believe they’ve met the one. they either want a more powerful and mature partner or they exude that energy (levi is the latter). slightly parental – we see this in the way that levi is pretty much the dad figure. it’s called squad levi for a reason, after all. very responsible. takes care of loved ones and often uses tough love as a form of discipline.

Eren Jaeger - im not even kidding with this one, he has extreme aries energy

sun in aries - eren feels the need to be very independent and he hates whenever he has to depend on mikasa and others, wanting to be strong enough to reverse the roles. he’s very self-confident, bold and direct. very impulsive, he’s quick to anger but is also very quick to forget - especially seen with his arguments with jean, fighting him is basically a love language at this point. aries suns are very fast thinkers and their strong energy may come off as intimidating. they have great intentions but that often becomes muddled with their impulsivity and the fact that they don’t think ideas through. eren is unabashedly himself and fights relentlessly for what he wants. his aries energy also makes him extremely motivated! he believes in the impossible and will make it happen no matter what.

aries rising – aries risings are the trailblazers. they ooze intensity. eren has very much a baby face and, due to his impulsivity and childish charm, people tend to baby him a lot – in the sense that he’s this kid surrounded by adults who needs supervision at all times or he’ll get into deep shit. aries risings are also marked by their extreme need for action, they’re the ones to do now and apologize later instead of asking for permission to do something in the first place. he is guided by his passion and is a natural leader who inspires everyone to fight alongside him. aries risings have a lot of energy which they need to express in a physical way, making them be prone to be very athletic and lead very active lives. he’s also extremely competitive and is driven by the force of becoming stronger than mikasa, and often feels angry when he realizes how stronger than him other people can be. at the same time, this pressure to be better is put solely on himself. he’s a dumbass with a good-heart and pure intentions.

moon in sagittarius – all this motherfucker talks about is freedom and seeing the world past the walls. he craves adventure and is extremely optimistic. but even if a sagittarius moon needs their freedom, they are still absolutely ride-or-dies and once they’ve commited to something, NOTHING or NO ONE can stop their determination. these are also the people to try their best to always appear cheerful and full of determination to hide their sad façade – like when he was nearly vomiting when talking about the titans to the other recruits when they began the training in the military but still forced himself to say that the titans aren’t scary at all and that they aren’t a big deal; he naturally inspires others and fills them with courage. but the way they put on this strong and brave façade leads to a strong emotional turmoil, violent urges and a sudden hostility to others. they are filled with surpressed anger that can lead them through very destructive paths – and the happy-go-lucky child might just lose her hope. we see this in eren in the most heartbreaking way.

mercury in aries – LOUD!!! eren speaks what’s on his mind with NO hesitation whatsover. he’s very quick to defend his friends and points of view, and speaks openly about his passions and dreams. he’s very assertive and tenacious. short attention span and not afraid to give a different opinion from someone else’s. very passionate about what he argues about. very expressive and when an aries mercury disagrees with you, you’ll know it immediately by their facial expression. confident and thrives on inspiring others. remember him being mad when it was discovered the possibility of all titans being humans because now he didn’t know who the enemy is and he NEEDS to hate someone and blame them in order to keep going? ARIES MERCURY ENERGY!!

mars in aries - people look to mars in aries to lead them. they’re full of energy and dynamic, and very athletic - eren exceeds at hand-to-hand combat and, in the other subjects where he’s not so good, his determination makes him push forward and become better. VERY hot-headed and confrontational, which is both the source of all their problems and their strength - they are not afraid of going after what they want and are willing to go through any obstacle to do so, and they’re also not afraid of upsetting other people in order to do so. eren is courageous, loves to take initiative and is very enthusiastic - something that is very contageous. competitive and hates compromise, he likes getting his own way. aries mars are also very individualistic and can have a huge ego.

venus in pisces - i know this is going to confuse a lot of people - like, how does he have so much aries energy, how is he so intense yet has one of the softest venus placements? i deeply believe he’s a pisces venus, and here’s why. his friends are EVERYTHING to him. pisces venus’ love very deeply and are very dependent on their loved ones, and eren is extremely protective of his loved ones and is willing to do anything to protect them. pisces venus’ are very vengeful, too, something that people seem to brush off about them - they might not do anything when you mess with them but as soon as you mess with their friends it’s game over. i also get a lot of “there was no other way, the word had to be fixed” vibes from this placement? like, this placement gives me the energy of someone willing to commit awful crimes under the excuse of it being for the greater good, which is something he dramatically experiences as he grows older and witnesses the cruelty of the world.

Armin Arlert

sun in scorpio - armin very resourceful!! he easily adapts to the circunstances he’s in and works his way around it. very intelligent and with great memory. extremely manipulative, cunning and perceptive. scorpios are known for their capability to be great investigators due to their natural curiosity, and armin has this deep need to see the world outside of the walls and he studies all there is to know about it with great passion. determined to succeed.

cancer rising - armin just wants to achieve his dream and it’s so soft. cancer risings are very receptive of other’s emotions and incredibly sensitive, but it’s difficult for them to open up to others. his appearance is very soft and delicate. loves to help others and has a naturally warm presence that makes others feel comfortable in his presence. give off a very grounded and stable energy, but this is often because they try to hide their most intense emotions and don’t know how to deal with them/don’t want to bother others by opening up about it.

moon in pisces - one word: EMPATHY!!! very compassionate. tendency to become a martyr and be very self-sacrificial. VERY imaginative, he is the strategist, after all. can feel others emotions and read them very easily. avoids confrontation but feels a strong need to take the weight off of others’ shoulders and to solve all their problems. very loving and giving, in tune with his emotions and emotionally intelligent. on the other side, this caring side of him can make him see other people through rose-colored glasses, and he is prone to believing in the best in people and giving them the benefit of the doubt. but when they’ve proven their true nature to him, he’ll see them for what they are and will no longer defend them, even if still feeling remorse. notice how he’s always like “this had to be done, we had no other choice” to justify his actions.

mercury in scorpio - bro armin’s eyes are so intense. when he gets on his manipulative bullshit it’s IMPOSSIBLE to look away from his gaze. he practically communicates through the eyes. armin is very sharp and his innocent appearance has everyone still thinking of him as a sweet angel as if he isn’t a whole war criminal. he easily psychoanalizes others to know what they want and uses it to his advantage, like how he used berthold’s love for annie to manipulate him to let eren go after him and reiner kidnapped him. scorpio mercuries be knowing shit, they be knowing everyone’s secrets and others usually confide in them as if they’re their therapists.

mars in pisces - mars in pisces makes a person avoid physical confrontation at all costs. notice how armin’s first response to everyone wanting to kill reiner and bertold/the marleyans was “please let’s just talk about this first”? he hates violence and deems it not worthy most times. he is very physically weak and aware of his limitations, unlike eren and levi, whose first instinct is to use violence in order to get what they want. no, armin has developed a much more subtle and effective way to get what he wants without using violence: emotional manipulation. he is the KING of appearing innocent and naïve and having people feel bad for him and want to baby him and protect him, and due to his extremely intuitive nature, he knows EXACTLY what to say to someone to get under their skin. he twists his words and emotions to get what he needs out of people and it’s both incredible and dangerous. also, very self-sacrifical and his goals are based on his emotions.

venus in cancer - he loves so much and it’s so beautiful and heartbreaking. he gives everything to the ones he loves and thrives off of being helpful and keeping everyone safe. reads a lot into the behaviour of the people he loves. very emotionally intelligent, wants stability and to maintain peace and may bend over backwords to achieve that. needs to feel understood and has a soft spot for troubled people, those who are more demanding and assertive (eren and mikasa), people he can take care of and who can take care of him in return. very affectionate and communicative. warm presence, you can pretty much feel the love radiating out of him.

Mikasa Ackerman

sun in aquarius - if you get past the emotional walls of an aquarius that has them appearing detached and distant because they’d rather use intelligence than seem emotional, you’ll be met with an incredibly soft, loving and caring person. an aquarius strength is their ability to be very unique, individualistic and humanitarian individuals - they truly march to the beat of their own drum. mikasa possesses a great deal of determination and isn’t afraid of being rebellious, especially when her loved ones are in danger.

capricorn rising - people with capricorn rising had to learn to be very independent from a very young age. mikasa is very intimidating but she has a very doll-like beauty, common to many capricorn risings. these people have had to deal with a lot ever since childhood, but they are fighters and their determination has them being able to survive even unsurmountable odds stacked up against them. capricorn risings tend to be serious and disciplined, and with a melancholic aura to them – which mikasa perfectly embodies. but the fact that these people have cancer in their descendant makes them strongly emotionally attached to their loved ones.

aquarius moon - even under the most stressful and dangerous situations, mikasa always remains in control of her emotions. she thrives in those situations, it’s the adrenaline of the moment that has her being so good at controlling her emotions until it’s safe to be anything but racional again. aquarius moons are feel very misunderstood and tend to racionalize their emotions a lot. however, it’s only due to their fear of vulnerability that they build this emotional walls, because they experience very intense emotions. i always think about that survey corp member saying “what did you have to go through for you to be like this?” when she was perfectly stable in a life-or-death situation.

mercury in capricorn - mikasa is incredibly action-oriented and she speaks in a structured but confident way. although she’s on the quieter side and is reserved, she’s able to inspire everyone when all hope seems lost, and she’s taken up eren’s words of “if we don’t fight, we can’t win” and uses it constantly in order to keep going. she’s very hard to read due to her usually expressionless face, giving her a mysterious aura. she’s very ambitious, persuasive and determined.

mars in capricorn - when people say that mars in capricorn people are the scariest when they’re angry, they’re not wrong. they act so calm and collected until suddenly they’re fixing you with a death glare and you’re rethinking all your life choices up until this point. mikasa might be extremely rational and calm, but as soon as someone threatens the ones she loves, she’ll stop at nothing to eliminate the threat. it’s like she fears nothing but ever being unable not to save them. she’s very responsible and reliable, with a lot of physical strength and stamina. very PROTECTIVE, grounded and GIVING

venus in virgo - this is one of the things that makes mikasa so similar to levi, the way they love. this bitch is LOYAL to her very core. she knows very well where her loyalties are - eren and armin - and is ready to kill all her close friends and superiors in order to protect them. she threatened to kill historia if she got in the way of getting eren back home safely, jumped levi on sight when he wanted to save erwin instead of armin, and got pissed at connie for doubting eren’s intentions after the whole marleyan ordeal. acts of service are very much her love language - she constantly picks up eren’s and armin’s stuff and carries it herself or orders them to rest while she works. it’s very hard to gain her trust and loyalty but once you do it’s forever, she’s very selective about the people she cares for. she’s possessive, too - giving historia the coldest death glare in the world when she saw her with eren. i’ve also noticed that venus in virgo are very difficult to declare their emotions!! they’ll just wait for the person to notice their indirect acts of affection. very attentive to the needs and details of loved ones.

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyoujin #levi #levi ackerman #eren #eren jaeger #eren yeager #mikasa #mikasa ackerman #armin #armin arlert #birth chart analysis #astrology

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seawolvesanddragons · 4 years

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Quarantine Cinema: Little Women

I am going to preface this with I was a full on LW fangirl in many ways as a girl. I read the book more than once, I saw the play twice, I had the magnetic dress up dolls, saw the old movie, and read and reread a Louisa May Alcott young readers biography to the point where I can still recite a lot of random facts about her and draw out a rough timeline of her life. Funnily enough, I never read her other books, but LW was one of my few non-high fantasy adventure books that I loved (Anne of Green Gables was another) and I was so excited for this movie.

-This. Movie. Rocked. Seriously, the dual timelines, the way GG did dual storylines was so inspiring, contrasting each past and present memory so perfectly. -It FELT like Little Women, the atmosphere in each scene, the setting the angles, the coloring, it was so on point. -The only thing I really really didn’t like was the implication that she went after the professor? I don’t know if they were trying to suggest the ending wasn’t the one in real life, that she altered the book and so the movie was altered, kind of like what happened with LMA herself. I choose to believe that asexual, aromantic Jo March (or lesbian Jo March, I support that wholeheartedly) was content with her writing, her sisters, her nieces and nephews, and her school and there was no german professor, no marriage, maybe a lifetime lady companion later. -GG and the actresses really just got the sisters, and what LMA wanted from this novel. It’s not just about Jo, it’s never been just about Jo and a lot of adaptations mess that up. It’s about March family, especially the sisters. And each scene is so rich with characterization and the bonds between them.

How Meg and Jo lean on each other to take the lead for the family, how they support each other even though they have very different personalities and dreams; Meg wants a more socially/financially rich life, whereas Jo just wants to be remembered, to be free.

How while all four sisters love each other, Meg is clearly Amy’s caretaker and Jo is Beth’s and its never outright said but it’s so obvious in the way they all naturally move around each other and speak to each other. That being said, while Meg is Amy’s pair and Beth is Jo’s, the movie did great at showing how Amy looked up most to Jo, cared the most for her opinion, as well as it’s a bit of an opposite’s attract sort of situation. Meg and Amy both want fine things, yes, and to be married, but in terms of temperment and personality that’s their main similarity; Jo and Beth care less about those things and that’s the extent of their main similarity. But Amy and Jo? Both want to share their art with the world, and to be great at it, both want to see Europe, both can be rash and tempermental (though Amy does better at growing out of this, something Jo doesn’t manage by the movies end, her “unseemly” reaction at seeing Laurie, her anger with him at the ball, and her decision to follow her heart and say no to Frank are all very temperamental/emotionally-based decisions). Both also are willing to do a lot for their family - Jo cuts her hair, Amy is getting married for money because she’s practical about her family’s financial situation. They are NOT the same (and Laurie isn’t marrying Amy because she’s just a milder Jo, step off haters) - Amy is more practical, less prone to holding grudges, and more of a perfectionist than Jo, as well as more open to her own growth and shortcomings than I think Jo is. A great way to sum them up is Amy had no problems growing up, was excited for it, where as Jo dreaded it, likewise Amy wants to be accepted and like by others, she cares about their opinion, whereas Jo thrives off of people disapproving of her, of not conforming to their expectations. I could go on for hours about the intersectionality of all the March girls and their personalities but that’s another story. GG shows Aunt Marge and Mr Grandfather as softer/more understandable characters then they initially are in many adaptations and I appreciated that. -THEY ALL GOT STORYLINES. MEG GOT A STORYLINE. BETH GOT A STORYLINE. AMY GOT A DAMN GOOD STORYLINE. JO GOT A STORYLINE.

-Look that parallel of Jo waking up to Beth’s recovery to Jo waking up to Beth’s death. The colors? SR’s expressions? The silence? Guys I got so emotional; Marmie’s breakdown with Jo in her arms brought back strong memories of sitting in the hospital family grief room with my mother and sister after my dad’s sudden death, the deafening silence you hear even though there is noise, holding your sister close, the mother’s comfort even as she also is grieving...it was POWERFUL. -TC and GG did so damn good with Laurie’s storyline. Like, Laurie was in love with the whole March family, and that is so obvious from the very first moment he sees them all, he loves them, he wants to be one of them, and he also holds all of them up to a bit of a pedestal. You can see his relationship with ALL of them, not just Jo, in the Pickwick papers, his scene with Meg, his grief and lengths willing to go to help them both with Mr March and with Beth (both times) and Amy, of course. -”I was ashamed of my country for so long” “No offense, but you should still be ashamed of it” YES THIS IS WHAT ABOLITIONIST LMA WOULD HAVE WANTED -I need to just re-emphasize how much I love the storyline and characterization they gave Amy March.

I loved how Florence played her, truly truly did, but the only hard thing about the timelines was her character. Amy is supposed to be young for much of the past timeline scene, but the actress stays largely the same. I appreciate the change in clothes and hair style as she goes from girl to young lady, but I just couldn’t see her as a girl when it is so clearly a young woman playing her; a 23 year old playing a 12 year old girl. That is the one critique I have, and I honestly do believe that having the actress change as she grew up would lose a lot of the power of Amy’s storyline, so I wouldn’t actually change it. -Meryl Streep is always a win -I loved how much of a FAMILY they were. Like, the sisters fought, they argued, they disapproved and didn’t understand each other all the time, but they were also always there for each other when it was needed, they genuinly LIKED spending time together, and I loved how they all supported each other’s hobbies and dreams, the playacting, Jo’s writing, Amy’s dreams, none of them looked down or said “this is childish” or “this is improper”, I just loved it.

#little women #little women 2019 #jo march #beth march #amy march #meg march #laurie laurence #greta gerwig #louisa may alcott

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cherrywineandmagic · 5 years

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Weekly Readings (9/15)

Weekly 1 card (or more) tarot readings for the signs. Check Sun, Moon, Rising. Predictions, advice, and general stuff to look out for. Come back at the end of the week and see if things make sense!

Disclaimer: This is a collective reading and therefore may not feel applicable to each individual. If the message does not resonate, it was simply not meant for you. Some signs will have longer messages than others. This is up to what the cards want to say.

Decks used: The Golden Tarot (Liz Dean) and Healing With the Faeries Oracle Cards (Doreen Virtue)

Aries - The Fool (reversed)

Are you rushing into things? You’re being a little reckless and not noticing how it’s impacting others. You can’t ever settle down if you’re constantly looking for adventure. If you find someone you genuinely like, maybe try and bring them along. Just watch out for risky behaviors. The excitement tends to be prioritized over your safety. Be careful when you’re running around because accidents are looming. Getting tired of old traditions? Explore new ones but don’t jump in until you’ve done your research. If you’re feeling restless take up more physical habits. A run around your block will do you some good.

Lesson of the Week: Body Movement

Taurus- Eight of Swords (reversed)

You had this card a few weeks ago but now it’s in reverse. You’re going to need to stand up for yourself. You might be caught in an environment where there’s unrelenting criticism to the point it can edge on abuse. Be strong and hold your ground. Release the anxiety that surrounds you when you think about doing so. Standing up for yourself is something you owe to yourself. If a job is making you unhappy, you can choose to walk away. Your abundance will flow once you’ve reached a place of positive energy. Save some money for the future. Speak to someone about the sadness that’s building up. Seek help. There’s courage in doing so.

Lesson of the Week: Kindness

Gemini - Page of Wands

Good news is coming your way! Watch out for letters, texts, phone calls, emails, etc. This week you’re full of ideas and energy and the need to go out and play! Embrace your inner child and go get messy. Embrace nature, go on picnics, visit the beach, take a hike, even simply play with your pets! A whirlwind romance might be headed your way. Think spontaneous, passionate, charming. All things that make you giddy. If you’re planning anything business-wise, be sure that you’ve thought things through because sometimes that adrenaline rush will make you leap when you’re not ready! I know you’re curious and eager, but things also need a little stability!

Lesson of the Week: Magic of Nature

Cancer - The Sun (reversed)

Things are looking cloudy this week. You’re finding it hard to find the sunshine in your days and your energy is depleted. Be more consciously aware of the negative thoughts that you let in. It’s normal to feel sad, but also don’t let yourself fall into the trap that is pessimism. Work on manifesting positivity. If you’re feeling left out, voice that. Work on making new connections that’ll make you feel loved instead of continuing ones that frustrate you. Jealousy is not a great trait to have. Find a job that brings you joy instead of making you feel trapped. A little change in your mindset and your surroundings makes all the difference.

Lesson of the week: Make New Friends

Leo - Four of Swords (reversed)

You’ve been hiding lately and now you’re finally gathering the strength to come out of isolation and into the world. Recovery is here. If you’ve had a mental breakdown, don’t fret too much on it. It happened. You’ll get better. You have to start taking care of yourself. Relationships that have been rocky are starting to heal. You are starting to heal. Accept help from those around you. Therapy is a good idea this week. Try out new methods with how to cope with stress and anxiety. Look to your past and indulge in things that once brought you joy. It’s easy to forget childhood loves, but you’d be surprised at how happy they’ll make you once revisited. Nurture your inner child.

Lesson of the Week: Inner Child & Healing

Virgo - Eight of Cups

There’s a situation that you’ve grown tired of. You’re finally realizing that you deserve better, and there’s strength behind that. Leaving bad situations takes courage. You deserve better, and you know that. I don’t have to tell you twice. You’re exhausted, lonely, and not feeling fulfilled. There’s nothing wrong for wanting something better for yourself. Beware of gaslighting and other forms of manipulation. Make sure you keep things in perspective. You know what you’ve given and if it was enough, so don’t let anyone try to convince you otherwise. People are quick to blame you when it comes to something failing, but this just isn’t the case. You deserve the world, Virgo, and you will get it. Don’t let toxic people make you feel bad for leaving situations they created.

Lesson of the Week: Raise Your Standards

Libra - Ten of Wands (reversed)

Oh boy, you are going through it. There is so much stress in your body and you need to release it. Take a hike, do some yoga, go out dancing- anything that will help. You’re pushing yourself to your edge and if you don’t stop now you’re going to collapse. A meltdown is imminent at this point. Stop carrying other people’s problems. They are not your burdens. Allow yourself to say no. Put yourself first. I know you’re a people pleaser but you can’t help others when you’re feeling this overwhelmed. It’s not helping you to keep beating a dead horse. Don’t bite off more than you can chew. Don’t ignore signs of illness. Make yourself your priority.

Lesson of the Week: Honor Your True Feelings

Scorpio- The Wheel of Fortune (reversed)

Scorpios! Why have we got this card AGAIN? Why are you resisting change so much!!! Your stubbornness is getting in the way of you moving forward! Please reflect on what’s going on inside of you and why you’re acting this way. You want the wheel to be upright and bring in all of that good luck! You’re only self-sabotaging now! There’s a reason you feel so stuck and that’s because you’re the one who’s refusing to move! Are you making the right choices? Stress can make you feel physically ill and that’s the last thing I want for you. Take control of your situations, learn your karmic lessons. Hardship is not meant to be lasting. Stop contributing to your own unhappiness.

Lesson of the Week: Be Honest with Yourself

Sagittarius - Four of Wands

The time for celebration is here! It’s like there are parties everywhere you look; weddings, baptisms, family gatherings, birthday parties. This week is all about feeling accepted and wanted among your little community. Sense of family is at an all time high, whether by blood or by choice, and it’s great to let go of any anxieties you’ve been having and simply enjoy the company! Past loves might reappear and someone might even be pregnant! Don’t freak out, it might be you, but it also just might be someone close to you! Don’t forget to let your hair down and sway to the music. Everything is great. Bask in it.

Lesson of the Week: Peace of Mind

Capricorn - Knight of Pentacles

Have you begun to be more environmentally conscious? Are you feeling more drawn to nature this week? Inspiration can always be found among our mother earth, and she is more than happy to provide it for you. The stable ground beneath you is a mirror of where you’re striving to be. Take a walk, paint a landscape, or photograph some of the leaves that are turning different colors. You’ve been nothing but responsible lately and deserve some relaxation. There’s a father figure in your life who loves you. Remember that he just shows it differently, maybe by providing for you instead of expressing emotions, but his love is there nonetheless.

Lesson of the Week: Creative Expression

Aquarius - Knight of Swords

Change is coming and you’ll have to let go of that dreamy, idealistic state you like so much. This is the time to be assertive and quick-witted. Roll with the punches and show some leadership. You’ve been avoiding change for so long and keep thinking you can prolong your current state of living. Just because it’s comforting doesn’t mean it’s good for you. Seizing new opportunities only helps broaden your horizons! Release any resistance you have to this change. Jump in with both feet if the water is calling to you. Fight for that love. Let go of fear.

Lesson of the Week: Letting Go

Pisces - The Magician

Fish are always on the move and that stays true for you this week my dear Pisces! You have all of your tools ready to go. Now is the time to start that new project, business, or whatever endeavor you’ve been meaning to chase after. Manifestation is key! You’ll be connecting to deeper levels of happiness, and might even find yourself mentoring someone else. Your love life shows positiveness with either entering stronger commitments or meeting someone new with good intentions. You know exactly what needs to be done so don’t hesitate!

Lesson of the Week: Follow Your Intuition

#weekly tarot #weekly readings #tarot #tarot readings #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces

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lynyrdwrites · 5 years

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Someone You Loved

So, thanks to a discussion with @ofthedirewolves on Twitter... I decided to write fic inspired by “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi (but with an ultimately happy ending). Also tagging @kickassfu and @childoftimeandmagic as fellow The Magicians fans.

You can also find it on AO3.

Give a cheer for the magical power of Love!

---

“I’m not going to pretend to understand what you’re going through. But the way you’re relating to that couch is not unknown to me.”

Another day – maybe in a hundred years, when everything hurt less – the words might have made Eliot smile. He would have appreciated the callback, would have appreciated the way that Julia perched on the edge of the couch at his feet and looked at him, waiting for him to say something.

But it wasn’t that day, and Eliot just curled onto his side, holding his body protectively around the rye he had poured. He didn’t even particularly like the stuff – it reminded him too much of his father and everything he hated about himself – but it had been available and low effort. Those descriptions fit his current requirements for survival.

“I don’t want company,” he said shortly, when it became clear that ignoring Julia wasn’t going to magically make her go away.

“I know,” she said after a pause. “But you probably shouldn’t be alone.”

Think I’ll kill myself? Was his scathing thought, and it made him feel sick. Because there was some part of him that wondered if that wouldn’t be a little easier.

If he were dead, he wouldn’t look at his hands, and imagine them soaked with the blood of so many people that didn’t deserve to be dead.

If he were dead, he wouldn’t look at his friends and see the way they didn’t look back, not immediately. Or the way, when they did look back, that they recoiled, just a bit, before they remembered that he wasn’t The Monster anymore.

If he were dead, he could be with Q.

That last thought was always the one that made him feel sickest. Mostly because he wanted it so bad, and he knew that Quentin would hate it.

Even when Q couldn’t fight for himself, he always fought for the people he loved. Eliot was one of those people. For a few brief, glorious minutes… he’d had the opportunity to be at the top of that list.

For fifty years he had been at the top of the list. Eliot and their son.

His hands shook as he tried to drink more of the rye, and he grimaced when it spilled over his hands and onto the couch, leaving him and the material smelling like cheap booze. He was ready to just throw the glass to the floor and curl into himself when a hand appeared in his line of sight.

Without a word, he let Julia take the alcohol, set it onto the coffee table, and then curled his legs up, hugged them to his chest and let a sob tear out.

He was so sick of crying. He was so sick of thinking he was in love, and then losing it.

He was so sick of feeling.

Julia’s hand was warm over his, and he didn’t even quite realize what he was doing, before his fingers were clutching hers, holding onto the warmth of her like a lifeline. He knew that the others mourned for Quentin, too… but Bambi, she had her focus on Fillory, and any grief she might feel was kept locked beneath that hard, glossy armor. Alice would probably understand him, of course, but Alice came with a cocktail of guilt and jealousy that he just couldn’t quite handle, not on top of everything else.

Not when part of him wanted to scream at her that maybe she had gotten Q’s last few days, but Eliot had gotten an entire life with him, and how could her grief every compare? Which wasn’t fair, but emotions so rarely were.

But Julia… Julia understood this loss, without the jealousy, and clutching to her almost felt like clutching onto a piece Quentin himself.

“When do we get a break,” he asked, when his sobs slowed, and he felt like maybe he’d be able to breathe again. Maybe not clearly – maybe he’d never be able to do that again; maybe that was part of what grief was. Learning how to breathe when every breath hurt, and living with it anyway. “It’s been one thing after another. The Beast, losing ourselves, Fillory, The Monster… when do we get a break?”

Julia didn’t say anything, but Eliot suddenly found himself enveloped in warmth as she wrapped her arms around him. Her body shook, and he could feel wet warmth at the collar of his shirt, where her tears were falling. He froze for a minute, but then sat up, gently pushing her as he did so, until he could hug her, and let her cry into his shoulder. It was a bit awkward – he and Julia didn’t have this kind of relationship, after all – but at the same time, when he buried his face in her hair and let the tears fall again, it felt somehow right.

Julia might not have had fifty years in a different reality with Q… but she’d had close to a decade, which was closer than anyone else came.

“I don’t know that we ever get a break,” she said at last, when the tears slowed, and they pulled apart, putting space between them, because they didn’t have that kind of relationship, and the awkward had begun to feel stronger than the… not awkward. “Maybe we just keep on living and suffering until finally it catches up with us and we get to join Q wherever he went.”

“That’s incredibly depressing.”

Julia’s answering smile was weak and sad, and her shoulders looked as though they were weighed down.

“I can do magic again,” she said, and didn’t look nearly as happy at that as Eliot would expect. More than anyone Eliot knew, Julia loved magic. “And it’s all because magic is suffering. My best friend had to die so I could do a card trick.” She hugged her arms around her middle and looked away. “Sorry. I came here to help you. This isn’t helpful.”

“It’s not… unhelpful,” Eliot offered after a moment. “We both lost him. We both…”

Eliot trailed off, unable to say the words. If this had happened before – before they’d had a life together, before he’d made the stupidest, most self-destructive choice of his life – he would have been able to finish it. He would have been able to say that he loved Quentin Coldwater, without the words catching and tearing at his throat, because before that… they would have been true, but it also would have been less.

Less love. Less hurt. Less everything. And he would have been sad, but he wouldn’t be lifting a glass of cheap rye to his mouth and pouring it down his throat like he was dying of thirst, even as he hated the taste and all the memories it dredged up.

“Want one?” he asked Julia, reaching for the bottle and a refill. “I don’t have another glass, but you can use this one and I’ll just take right from the source.”

She hesitated, and Eliot could tell that she was out of her depth with him. It was only fair – he’d been out of his depth with her, too. Had offered an adventure, because he didn’t know what else to do. They’d been so young, back then. Now they were both adventured out, and there was nothing left to offer to distract him, nothing that he would accept anyway.

“Sure,” she said instead.

Eliot still wanted to be alone. But for the first time since Quentin had died, he found himself appreciating someone else, even if she was sitting the entire length of the couch away from him, probably wishing she was alone, too.

For a little while, they would be alone together.

---

The thing about post-Quentin… is that there is no such thing.

Not for Eliot, not really. Time is supposed to heal all wounds, but his just stay gaping open, and no amount of helping Margo in Fillory, or trying to reclaim his lost glory from Todd is able to make them close.

He tried to hide them with that cheap rye, but it didn’t take that long to remember why the smell of the stuff made him sick, and it wasn’t just the memories that came with it.

The first time he saw Alice after everything was in the Brakebills library. Eliot wasn’t even sure why he was there – if he had homework, he couldn’t remember it, and Dean Fogg was being surprisingly forgiving with them all – but he found Alice hidden away at a quiet table, a letter opened in front of her.

“Don’t tell me they’re starting to handout warnings,” he said, after he spent about five minutes just watching her, and debating whether or not he should just walk away. He hadn’t had much time to talk to Alice, after that drunken night with Q when they had all hurt her. He had been too busy with Fillory, and she had been a Niffin, and then he had just been angry at her.

Probably unfairly angry, looking back. He hadn’t felt that angry with Julia. Maybe even then there had been some jealousy. He would like to believe he was above such things… but then again, he could be such a petty bitch, and why pretend otherwise?

“Eliot,” Alice said, and it was only when she straightened her shoulders and ran her hands over her hair, that he realized that she had been slumped in her seat. Her eyes were red-rimmed, not as if she had been crying, but as though she could start at any time. Eliot knew that feeling well. He’d hit it with the red glaze of too much alcohol at first, but now his own eyes were like that too.

Like he stood on the precipice of a breakdown that could arrive at any moment.

“If they are,” he continued conversationally, “them I’m probably in trouble. I don’t do much classwork these days. They may not know how to find me.”

“No. They’re… being kind about that. It’s a job offer. From the library.”

The Library. Just the words made Eliot want to rage. He wondered if maybe The Monster had left something behind in him – something that made the thought of wrapping his hands around a Librarian’s throat and just squeezing until nothing was left so satisfying. It frightened Eliot, that he could think like that. Just like the nightmares – the memories – he had, of what The Monster had done to stranger and friend alike frightened him.

His own hands frightened him.

“You’re going to turn it down,” Eliot said immediately, because Alice hated the library more than any of them. He’d heard bits and pieces, of the way they’d kept her locked up. How she’d had to get assistance from Plover of all people, to get away. And how she must have hated that, because of them all, she had been the one most horrified by that house that immortalized Plover’s actions.

Yet Alice didn’t immediately agree with him, instead she looked at the letter.

“You’re considering it.” Eliot leaned back in his chair and stared Alice, not quite believing what was happening. “After everything… they’re the reason Quentin is dead!”

“Zelda is part of the reason you’re here and The Monster isn’t!” Alice argued, her eyes flashing as she finally met his gaze. “Everett is the reason that Quentin is dead. And yes, the Library fell for everything he said… but that’s why I’m considering it, Eliot! Standing out here, complaining about the things they do – that’s not going to change anything. I have to at least consider this. Consider making something… good come out of it. Out of losing Q.”

“Nothing good is ever going to come out of it, Alice.”

“I can’t sit here and be sad forever. He wouldn’t have wanted it. And I don’t want to do it.”

It was a good line to storm away on; it would have made for a very dramatic exit. But Alice stayed in her seat, her fingers folding the letter over and over again.

“Are you waiting for my blessing?” he asked at last, bitterness coating his tongue. He hated Alice in that moment, and even more he hated himself, because he didn’t know if he was so angry because he truly thought she was making the wrong choice, or because the choice gave him an easy excuse to hate her.

“Yes,” Alice breathed out, and Eliot went completely still. He… hadn’t expected that to be her answer. “I don’t know everything that went on with you and Q, El. I get the feeling there’s more to it than what I know, and I won’t ask you about it. I… I honestly don’t want to know. I’m not sure I could handle knowing. But you’re the only one who loved him like I did, and I need someone to tell me he wouldn’t hate me for this.”

He could refuse to give her that absolution. It was on the tip of his tongue to do so. After all, while Eliot had spent that last of Q’s days locked inside of his own body, Alice had been there… had been able to touch him, to tell him how she felt. She had gotten all the moments that Eliot didn’t, and in this one moment, he could make her feel just as terrible as he did.

God, it was tempting.

“He wouldn’t hate you,” he said instead, because maybe Eliot could be a petty bitch… but he couldn’t bring himself to lie to her like that. Not when it would do such a disservice to who Quentin was. “I… I don’t think Quentin could ever hate you, Alice. Not even when he wanted to. And you know him – he loved to have a mission. He’d probably understand needing a purpose better than anyone.”

Alice let out a sob, and Eliot reached out, grasped her hand with his. He didn’t know how long he sat there, letting her squeeze his fingers as the tears ran down her cheeks.

The next day, Alice Quinn took charge of the Library.

---

“I’m contemplating taking up heroin.”

“I wouldn’t recommend it. It sucks. The addiction sucks. The needles really suck. You should probably stick with alcohol.”

Eliot almost laughed at that. He wasn’t sure how he had wound up spending time with Kady, except that she had lost Penny, and didn’t seem to care if he never spoke to her at all, and he found something comforting about the apartment she had stolen from Marina.

There were memories here, from The Monster… but they didn’t seem quite as frightening. Maybe because most of them involved Q, and Eliot was so desperate to see him again that he would even cling to nightmares, as long as they meant he didn’t forget Quentin’s face.

“Are you actually reading a book?” Kady asked, setting a drink down next to Eliot, before she plopped onto a chair across the room from him. “Did I know you could do that?”

“I’m a man of man of surprises,” Eliot replied, glancing at the drink and seeing that it was something blue poured into a martini glass. He let out a huff of amusement and glanced at Kady, who was looking pretty much anywhere but at him. “You… you tried to get Penny back for a while. Didn’t you?”

“Penny was supposed to get back himself. Instead he went to work for the Library. Terrible way to not break up with someone.” Kady surveyed him over her own glass, and he was pretty sure it was the same cheap rye he had gorged himself on in the immediate aftermath of… everything. “Why?”

“I just… enjoy philosophical conversations, I guess.”

“Bull shit. You’re looking for a way to bring Q back.”

He expected her to follow it up with some comment about it being impossible. Maybe something about needing to let go and move on, because it’s what Q would have wanted.

Well… if that’s what Quentin wanted, then he should have stuck around long enough to Eliot that himself.

“Alice knows more about it, but you’ll have to look into that Seam place if you want to try and do anything.”

“Not going to tell me I’m wrong to do this?”

Kady snorted into her rye, throwing the rest of it back.

“Everything sucks. We’ve lost people we love too many times. Alice is working for the freaking library. Margo is… I dunno, a freedom fighter or something. I’m trying to pull the Hedges back together. Sometimes a purpose is the only thing that keeps us from falling apart. If you want your purpose to be bringing Q back… well, he died so that Everett wouldn’t become a God. I’m cool with saying screw you to the afterlife if you can.”

Considering that it had stolen Penny from her, Eliot wasn’t entirely surprised that Kady had that mind set.

“The Hedges have some interesting books,” she added, setting her empty glass aside. “I’ll see if there’s anything that can help you.”

She turned on the TV after that – some mindless cooking show – and they didn’t say anything else. But inside Eliot, the first stirrings of hope began.

Maybe… maybe this didn’t have to be the end.

---

“Letting him have free reign isn’t-”

“This section here is everything we have on the Underworld. And death in general. It’s kind of grim, but also sort of interesting. There are things here I didn’t even know about as a Niffin.”

Eliot had to bite back a smirk, at the expression on Zelda’s face as Alice completely disregarded her worries over allowing him to look for anything he needed in the library.

“Death isn’t something that can just be overcome!” Zelda said with a sigh in her voice. “Quentin’s book has been completed.”

“Lots of books get finished without their story being over,” Alice replied with a sharp look over her shoulder. “That’s what sequels are for.”

Zelda’s expression tightened, but she finally just shook her head and left. Eliot waited until the sounds of her heels disappeared before finally grinning at Alice.

“This librarian things suits you,” he stated. “It shouldn’t surprise me. You always had the fashion sense for the role.”

“Are you really going to insult my style when I can have you kicked out at any time?” Alice replied, but there was no heat in the question. Instead, her expression turned a little sad. “Eliot, I really hope you can actually figure something out… but Zelda isn’t wrong. Death isn’t just another quest we can beat. The chances of there being something here…”

“He never gave up on us, Alice. Either of us. Let me at least try to not give up on him.”

His days fell into a schedule. He went to class at Brakebills – and thanks to Julia he actually passed his classes. He spent hours in the Library, reading about death and how there wasn’t a God damn thing he could do to beat it.

Sometimes, he would take a break. To help Margo in Fillory, or to lend Kady and her Hedgewitches a hand. Once, he even went to the movies with Julia and Penny-23, who hadn’t seemed entirely impressed, but somehow it had been nice anyway.

It made Eliot realize he kind of missed their own Penny. It had been somewhat of a surprise realization.

He considered giving up, because he was getting nowhere and Eliot wasn’t made for research. This was an Alice or a Julia thing, and he was probably doing it all wrong.

And then he found it. A footnote to a footnote that led to a paragraph, and he managed to convince Penny-23 to take him into the Mirror World, to where the entrance to the Seam had once existed.

It was stupid.

It was fairy tale bull shit.

But so was Fillory. So were castles and monsters and beasts… and hell, magic was a fairy tale for most.

The spell was deceptively simple, but the magic wasn’t the hard part. Not at all.

“Q,” Eliot breathed, because there he was. His hair was shorter than what it had been, before The Monster. Eliot had those memories of it like that, but this was the first time he got to see it himself, outside a brief glimpse after he had been stabbed by axes.

“Eliot,” Quentin looked around, as though he couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing. “I’m… what are you doing here? What am I doing here?”

“I… magic,” Eliot said at last, and wasn’t their world so odd, that he could say that with utter sincerity, and have it be a legitimate explanation. “There are more spells available to us these days. Alice has a more traditional view on how libraries should be run – knowledge for everyone, instead of just a select few.”

“Alice is a Librarian. Our Alice?”

Did he know the way that Eliot’s heart sung, that he called her our Alice – a reference to their friendship – rather than my Alice? Eliot doubted it. He doubted that Quentin even realized he had done it.

“It’s a long story. She’d love to tell it to you.”

Quentin froze at that, and Eliot wished he could reach out and touch him. But that wasn’t an option. If he tried, his hand would simply go through Quentin. He wasn’t there, not entirely. Not yet. Because that was what made this spell hard.

It could only be successful if the spirit summoned really, truly wanted to come home again.

It could only work if the caster were really, truly that home.

He should have gotten Alice to do this. Alice… or Julia. Someone who wasn’t the jerk that turned him down after a lifetime together. A lifetime of memories and love and a son together. They’d had grandchildren, and somehow Eliot had still managed to ruin it.

“I’m dead, El,” Quentin said softly. “I won’t be hearing any stories… I saw the fire. I’m sorry that… I’m sorry.”

Eliot stared at him.

“It wasn’t your fault,” he managed to choke out at last. “You saved the world… but we really miss you, Q.”

“I really miss you, too,” Quentin replied. “But… it’s not so bad. My dad is here. I have more of a relationship with him these days than I ever did in life, which is kind of weird. Penny is a lot easier to get along with dead. He’s kind of bossy, and busy… but we make time. It’s… nice. Peaceful.”

Did he know that he was breaking Eliot’s heart with every word he said? Every mention of the afterlife being a nice place drove a dagger right into the center of Eliot’s being, destroying him a little bit more.

“El?” Quentin asked after a moment, as if realizing how quiet Eliot had gone. “What’s wrong?”

Let him go. Let him be with his dad. Let him have peace.

He would never find that in the living world, after all. It was messy there. It was messy and painful, and life was just a series of quests tied together by day drinking and a joint desire to survive for… why?

Quentin looked happy. The last time Eliot had seen Quentin look happy was…

Fillory, and fifty years of memories. A life well lived.

Something beautiful.

They had made something beautiful and fulfilling. And maybe Eliot had tried to ruin it… but he was tired of running scared.

Know that when I’m braver, it’s ‘cause I learned it from you.

He had said those words to the Quentin of his memories. That kiss had been so very sweet, but empty. Because Eliot couldn’t rewrite history. He couldn’t undo the way he had hurt the man he loved.

But now he could be braver. He could keep his word. Was he really going to fail Quentin again?

“I lied to you,” he said at last, and Quentin stared at him in confusion. “I lied to you, when I said we wouldn’t choose that life. The one we had together. I would. I would choose it every single time. I have done a lot of things I regret, but that lie… that lie is the worst of them all.”

“Eliot,” Quentin whispered, closing his eyes, his expression pained. “Why are you telling me this now? I… I can’t come back. And I swear if this is you trying to join me, I will never forgive you.”

“You can come back. You just need to want it. More than you want to be dead.”

Quentin’s eyes popped open, and Eliot felt his throat choke up. He knew what he was asking now. He was asking someone who had always kind of wanted to die… to want to live more.

He might be asking the impossible.

“I… it hurts, El,” Quentin said at last. “Every day, it hurts. It doesn’t hurt there.”

“I know, Q. I know,” Eliot whispered, wishing so much that he could touch the other man. But that was part of this spell. There was no tether allowed to pull them in. They had to take that step themself.

And that meant Eliot had to be worth it… and when had he been worth anything in his life?

Warm hands cupped his cheeks, and Eliot found himself gaping, because there was Quentin, right in front of him, touching him.

Warm… and alive.

“I thought when it happened, that maybe I had just found a way to give up,” Quentin said, pulling Eliot’s head down so their forehead’s touched. “But I don’t want to give up, Eliot. It might not hurt there… but no pain means there’s nothing else, either. And it’s everything else that makes it worth it. I’m not ready to not feel pain. Not yet.”

Eliot knew he was crying, but he didn’t care, and Quentin didn’t seem to care either, because he was crying too. They were crying and hugging, and then they were kissing. And this kiss wasn’t empty. This kiss was full, and warm and kind of messy with hands tangling in hair, and their noses bumping a little awkwardly.

It was beautiful, in the messy way that only life could be beautiful.

---

It seems rather too easy, doesn’t it?

That was the consensus. But for once the consensus was wrong. Because Eliot knew that touching him was the hardest damn decision that Quentin had ever made.

Eliot couldn’t promise there wouldn’t be times that Q would regret it… but he could promise to make it all worth it in the end.

And he did.

#Queliot #Queliot fic #The Magicians #canon fix it

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ksatriya · 5 years

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i woke up and read this little rant about nasuverse and heroic figures and myths written by @ostrumregalis and then another rant by @solaetis which absolutely spurred this on:

i want to start by saying that i’m not a practitioner of Hinduism. but when i pick up muses like Parvati, Indrani, Shani, Rati, and Rama, i do my utmost to keep in mind that they are still living gods. that many, many people do worship them, and i want to be respectful in my writing. i do as much research as i can, i try to curve how much i lean on fate’s preexisting lore for them, bc that lore, those views on the current Indian servants are colored by what material the writers can get a hold of at the time, and how tv may portray these characters vs the written source material. and i’m aware that there isn’t a single writer behind every character, so personal views do color characterization.

Rama’s portrayal is one that i have mixed feelings on. in his debut chapter he is more akin to the hero i’ve seen on the Ramayana serials. he’s still this heroic prince out there trying to find his way back to Sita. and i know he’s a king taken from the point where he has sent Sita into the wilderness when she’s pregnant. and it’s a very heartbreaking moment in his life. i get why Rama is written as seeing his youthful adventurous self as his ideal moment in life, and that’s one thing I do take issue with. because someone like Rama, who is closer to his true self, i.e. Vishnu, than Krishna, ought to have no preference in his life. least of all that moment in his youth? Rama was 90% on the verge of a mental and emotional breakdown when Sita was kidnapped by Ravana. Lakshmana, his brother, is the only one keeping him from actually killing himself by constantly reminding him that he will get Sita back. and i’ve spoken about his curse a few times, which is another thing that bugs me? but you know, it is what it is. and then there’s the question of his godhood. i do love that Rama is still an unchanged Avatar, that even though he is a god, he is a god in mortal flesh. he gets to sit on this funky pedestal of technically being a god breaking the rule of you can’t summon gods to chaldea. ditto with Arjuna Alter. and yes, I’m aware that they’re supposed to be at a fraction of their power, but let me have this.

speaking of Arjuna Alter, he more or less has become an Avatar to the amalgamation of gods... or someone akin to Para Brahman, as Karna more or less becomes this combination of Adi Narayana (Vishnu) and Parama Shiva. Hinduism is complex, has many. many variations and very interesting concepts.

but it goes without saying that not all Indian servants are treated equally. there has always been this unrest about who is the better brother, Arjuna or Karna. who was right and who was wrong, who is the villain? and that’s not just something with their portrayals in fgo, that’s all around the world. it’s preferential. i will admit that i love Karna way more than Arjuna. i have a huge soft spot for Karna. it’s the underdog thing, you know? and his death is so fucked up that i love it.

in fgo, Arjuna has been stripped of a lot of his characterization to fit a certain mold, i,e, chuunibyou. but we get moments that reveal the complexity of his character, like his second interlude - according to the translation I read. this peak into his psyche reveals deep rooted insecurities and the trauma he would be dealt with by taking his brother’s life. how he blames this dark side of him which has been imprinted on his memories of his charioteer, Krishna. the best part about it is when we look at the Mahabharata and Krishna’s role, yeah, Arjuna isn’t wrong in blaming Krishna for this moment. for doing something as dishonorable as killing an unarmed man. (i’m still working through a slightly more cohesive translation of LB4 so I hold my tongue on that.)

and we turn around to look at Karna. sweet, perfect baby Karna. can do no wrong, Karna. so charitable he’d rip his armor off and give it to you if you just asked, Karna. like... Karna wasn’t nearly as charitable as he’s often written? and I’ve said it in the past, and I’ll say it again, Karna’s charity was based on whether he was praying to Suryadev atm or a bhramin was asking a boon of him. he was also noted as having a sharp tongue, and let’s not forget how he tears into Draupadi during that horrific moment during the dice game, you know the one. Karna’s a suta, neither here nor there in the caste system, and he’s treated as an outsider all of his youth. he has this idea of being a kshatriya - and he is, on a technicality bc there are sutas who are kshatriyas. he’s also the son of a charioteer, and god knows you owe your life to your charioteer. in fgo, the focus is on the more positive side of Karna, showing him as being overly generous, as being far more heroic than the texts play him out to be.

the choice to write them this way to fit nasuverse’s idea that servants are merely copies of their true selves influenced by humanity’s perception of them, but i don’t think it’s that hard to just sit back and go “are these really the qualities that we should be focusing on”? and that idea doesn’t quite cut it. this argument fails when you look at Teach, for instance. Black Beard was a terrifying pirate, an amazing pirate. he was a man with very specific morals and ideas, and none of those views paint him as the MISTAKE that fgo’s portrayal is. NO ONE would look at the name Black Beard and thing “that guy was a huge otaku/lolicon/pervert/etc”. are you fucking kidding me? I think of Black Beard and I imagine a towering giant of a man, his hair blue-black as the ocean depths, his beard long with some braids in it. there’s a sharpness in his eye, a deep frown on his lips as he views the world. he’s a calculating man. he’s terrifying and awe inspiring all at once...

so... who is this joke we see in fgo?

we get heroes turned into jokes, their genders flipped, turned into lolis or big breasted mother figures who nearly cross that line between mother and lover. you can’t expect historical accuracy or an accurate portrayal.

so when i write, i write with the idea that the Indian muses I pick up deserve a world of respect. that i separate the ideas that fgo might place on them with how i personally feel that they should be written. i write with this idea of canon divergence. i don’t have to love how fgo treats Rama, i write him as i think he should be written. i don’t have to like how fgo portrays Arjuna or Karna, or Parvati, Kama/Mala, Ganesha, Ashwatthama, etc. i write with that in mind so i don’t burn myself out on comparing the canon to my portrayal every time. it’s difficult, it’s heartbreaking watching characters I’ve grown to love be pushed into one trope or the other, knowing that they shouldn’t be that way.

when i started writing Arpita, and this re-imagining of the Mahabharata, as inspired by one of my friends in India and her own friends, i wanted to see what it’s like writing a character from the other side. i wanted to see if i could maker her fit into nasuverse... and it’s difficult. it really is. i cannot make light of the way women were treated in India during that era. I cannot make light of a vast and beautiful religion and all its figures. i cannot make light of the struggles and the trauma and the pain and suffering that these characters have to be put through. i don’t know how they do it, the writers for fgo. i don’t get how they chip away at characterization, how they settle on the ideas they do. yes it isn’t all doom and gloom for Arpita, bc obviously there’s plenty of light hearted moments she would experience. but it’s just not for me...

i guess i’m trying to express that fgo’s portrayal isn’t always right, that if you like a character well enough, maybe you should see what they’re like outside of the canon. you’ll find that your current interest might just be more amazing than you think? and don’t worry if you prefer fgo’s portrayal over the reality, it doesn’t matter what others think. you do you.

#✧▐ ᶦ'ᵐ ʰᵃᵛᶦᶰᵍ ᵐᵉ ᵗᶦᵐᵉ ━━ ooc #i just woke up nauseous and with too many words in my head #im not going to rage about lakshmibai bc it is 5 am and i am dying #long post //#corset on the search for the deepest lore

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elizabethrobertajones · 6 years

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13x11 watching notes

I take back at least 5 of the recent snide comments about Sam's jacket. D:

... aaarghhh being non-US is a pain. For having to rely on downloads, anyway. Pretty much just that :P

well it's nearly 5 but I have a download which started with a bunch of static over Donna recap I don't need, and then in to a vampire recap...

I love that it shows us Dean being a vampire, and the time he was turned, just because it really ought to be more of a thing, even as a lighthearted "I got turned into a vampire once but I'm fine" like idk in 12x16 trying to reassure Claire or something :P Well, no, but you know what I mean. Typical Dean!girl complaint that they don't spend enough time harping on all the various traumatic things he's been through, even if some of them are 1 episode MotW things which don't earn mytharc "remember this?" nods 7 seasons later.

That was a very short recap, scratchy bit I skipped aside.

Well this is a horrifying open :D Nice serial killer basement you got there. The same playing music while doing something horrific thing as Athena in Davy's last episode, but she was just being an undertaker doing her job, and this is clearly the baddie of the week at work, with his serial killer wall and leaving blood splatters on all his dirty horrifying equipment.

Still, you gotta have music while you work.

I can't prove anything withthis level of CBA but the truck stop looks like the one Sam got snatched from in 2x21, just because it's small and single story and all. It's probably been a bunch of other things knowing this show, like, idk, 4x01 and 10x03 and no one's ever added it all up :P

Other thoughts: it's "manny's" but the Y is out turning it into "MANN 'S" which means once again I'm just gonna say toxic masculinity may be the bad guy and it's not exactly subtle :P

If this is Donna's niece I love her already because of her bumper stickers - anti-guns and "think globally act locally"... the anti-gun sentiment is especially amusing because of the jokes about Donna's arsenal... There's a social responsibility to actually advocate AGAINST guns, but the entire monster hunter subculture is indistinguishable from weirdoes in the woods with a stockpile of weapons, as Victor pointed out for us back in season freakin 2. As local law enforcement it's more likely Donna would have access to and comfort with weapons and an ideal scenario is that people know about monsters in general and are equipped to fight them, that is, the law enforcement like Jody and Donna and other hunter-cops who actually can turn it into a part of their regular job, with the emotional responsibility less about crazy revenge missions because no one else will do it... But you know, that and an anti-gun sentiment completely undermine the show's entire set up, which is why this show has a bizarre second face of being equally favourite of republicans and democrats, because the take-it-into-your-own-hands and collect guns for legitimate self-defence scenarios super appeals to them.

IRL there are no monsters except the ones we make, is all I'll say >.>

But in the context of the show, and especially as she's gonna get kidnapped, the fact this world has different rules aka legitimate danger to personal safety from monsters, means the show's social conscience is always going to be skewed and conflicted, and the fact she's against guns is potentially not going to look good given her status as an innocent civilian who has no idea of the irony of her stance being undermined by the existence of monsters and her aunt's legitimate giant gun and flamethrower collection being a lifesaving boon >.>

Oh, gross, close ups on eating, making it look really horrific, with red tomato soup (blood) and slicing into a steak with a squelch (self-explanatory).

This is gonna be an arty, violent, gross episode, isn't it? :P Mental note to try and catch the director. Because with this voice over about psalms or something there's definitely a sort of ~mood~ being set.

Christ, the population of this diner is basically the cast of The Adventure Zone's latest thing (which is playing some cryptids in the woods Supernatural D&D knock off literally called "Monster of the Week" and I'm gonna keep recommending it :P) - anyways if you've seen the fanart I've been reblogging there's literally a character people are headcanoning to look almost exactly like this person with the curly hair. Minus the bunny rabbit.

I like the Aliens Are Watching Us guy as well. There was a conspiracy guy in 12x15 (also Davy) so I guess he's not done with this concept of people enjoying the wacky stories without realising they're a shade off, Ronald Resnik style. (Perez is possibly competing to be the new Edlund, if Yockey is taking after Robbie in tone... aka gently petting existing characters on the head while introducing amazing one offs)

Anyways definitely feeling the vibe of Would Not Go In This Place Unless Truly Desperate they want us to get :P

Okay the cashier is super creepy up close, taking too much delight in his power over her ability to leave and his leisure to decide if her ID is valid or not and mocking her name.

(Pointing out that "Hanscum" is old English is asking us to go look it up and ponder how it relates, right?)

Oh boy and there's the request for her to smile that makes him a Grade A Creep whether he's the monster or not.

So many creepy trucks and vans, the "Jesus Saves" van looking anything but salvation, and probably ANOTHER fake out bad guy with the window washer, just here to scare her... Holding up the window washer thingy like an axe murderer.... Whether he is affiliated with the murderer or not, we get a lingering shot on him and a red STOP beside his head

Aaand someone slashed her tyre while she was there....

Oh no, caltrops. It's a trap :(

AAAAH scary masked guy!

not the same mask as in the promo pictures, just a bag over his head and goggles. This time referecing over to 13x05 and the plague doctor masks - the same huge dead eyed look they have without any of the style :P Theeemes for the season though.

Oh no, we start the episode on Sam trying to have a lie in... Already awake before his alarm then grumpily staying in bed another two and a half hours. #relatable

is he okay?

I mean I know in general he is Not Okay but I guess this is going to take some unpicking :P

...

OH NO he resisted PANCAKES.

Dean is up and about and enjoying being home with comforts around him, and Sam...

Is still in bed at 10. I may cry.

Oh thank god Donna is calling him to get him to move.

He's resisted food which means everyone narrowing their eyes at him not touching his lizard in 13x10 gets a cookie for pointing out his issues and how he handles them re: food. I know lethargy and not wanting to get out of bed are huge signs of depression but we rarely see that side of Sam manifest, and mostly just see him casually not eating or having much interest in food offered to him so I think it may be one of the first times the story is actually set up to genuinely call attention to him having a depression lie-in and refusing to come out and get pancakes that Dean is making to celebrate having a kitchen again.

Anyway, now we get Donna angst. Hearing her cry is the absolute worst.

It's such a sharp shock, tbh, to go from Wayward Sisters where she was shown off as the fun comic relief, and have her in the same coat and all suddenly speaking in such a tiny voice, and sitting helplessly in her great big D-TRAIN truck which was like the cavalry arriving and betraying a character that pretty much never DOESN'T want to make a fun entrance and lighten the mood...

Oh Donna. :(

(This is especially painful having watched all the WS episodes up to this point in the last few months)

"BREAKDOWN" appears over Donna pulled over to the side of the road, having her quiet breakdown over this, in an episode about serial killers engineering a breakdown on the side of the road, after we saw Sam having a silent breakdown this morning

Lovely.

Someone turned the angst dial all the way back up to 11 after the break it was taking.

The Impala rolls respectfully and quietly up to Donna.

She looks small :(

I'd guess she's apologising for calling them because it's pretty much The Next Day or thereabouts give or take driving time. Like, she'd be assuming they need their "Just back from a parallel universe" downtime.

Also because if we add any extra time instead of assuming it's been back to back since, like, 12x19, then the tension about Cas evaporates and they leave him for weeks.

So let's say they saw Donna like, 2 days ago max.

Oh no and she feels the guilt of inspiring her to go off on her adventure, because she had fun and talked about it. This is not how fault works, D-Train :( You did nothing wrong. It's the serial killer who took her, no one else.

Sam tells her to just focus on the case rather than think about it which is A+ coping methods and how you end up like how Sam was this morning

Ew, Doug is here

Oh no Dean is leaving Sam and Donna together. Dean, no, you're the chirpy pancake-making one today - you have to prop 'em up :P

Oh boy, this is the real FBI isn't it? They were in the promo...

"First off, I'm not your son." Dean straightening up and trying to fake-authority figure bluster past the confidence of real authority.

Doug diving in to rescue him may be the only way out he has?

"Company man. You should have told me." "Didn't get a chance."

I think Dean doesn't know the codes to pass as FBI with whatever they'd immediately say to identify themselves with casual ease - like in 12x06 where at the hunter party he doesn't know not to say wendigo? There's just some stuff he probably can't know without, like, literally being the FBI and having their specific swagger and way of talking.

e.g. I don't think Dean would say "Company man" without sounding like he got it from TV

Oh dear, he doesn't have the field office - yeah he just diiiives around that one.

Not here on official business, the victim is my cousin, I'm just here to get some answers.

Makes Donna on a close family level to them - or at least that she's another branch of the same family officially like what Doug might think watching this exchange, knowing Dean is not Donna's brother/husband/whatever else on the closest level would make them share a niece.

... Obviously also a lovely message about how Donna's business is family business for them

"You and Donna are related!?"

A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO?

How long was Dean chilling and making pancakes and not calling Cas??? Asmodeus has HAD to have had an accidental "is Dean trying to sext Cas?" confusion over the texts he's been getting in this time period.

... the fact that Cas is back next episode and for all intents and purposes the promo pics and premise would make me think it's Buckleming but it's actually Yockey and BL have 13x13 is like the one thing keeping me going :P

I hope I have that the right way around... Literally panic-checking my 13x12 tag before I continue, just for Cas's sake

"Amanda Tapping directed the episode written by Steve Yockey" Mmmmmmmm

Okay, soul soothed, continuing to watch Dean blustering through pretending Wayward Sisters was a family reunion, which is also adorable that Donna used an emergency family reunion as the excuse to go.

Well at least the FBI already seem to have done most of the work with having a map with red string, names and other victims. This parallels directly to the serial killer's collection, the red string mirroring the blood splatters that guy was leaving on it.

Pretty much gonna assume Mr FBI is the serial killer, or else as much of a problem as him.

Donna looks so tiny in this room full of men.

"Troopers got an anonymous tip" aka there's something fishy about it being called in - if Mr FBI is the killer, it makes his job more effective than waiting around for someone to find the car so he can get his rocks off on chasing himself around in circles :P

Bleeech Doug putting a hand on Donna's back to reassure her.

If you hadn't gathered I'm super not a fan of Doug being back because I think it's ridiculous to inflict another Doug on Donna, and especially when you're doing a dark episode actually doing emotional stuff with her for once, it's dragging out a joke that was from her first episode when we didn't know anything else about her. Defining her by her Dougs

Oh yeah her niece is called Wendy - I think that name was made up for Peter Pan? Or else boosted its popularity through the stratosphere to the point that you can make up a fake fact that the name was invented in Peter Pan. Either way, Wendy Darling associations - growing up, but doing the gap year before college is essentially putting off becoming an adult aka having a Peter Pan year...

If Mr FBI is the serial killer, calling himself "the Butterfly" is the most inconspicuous way to go about it, than "yeah I named him myself he's The Badass Slaughter Man" :P

It makes sense, as well, the way he migrates for the winter and back.

The pause before describing what happens to the victims and Donna saying "go on", not wanting to be talked down to or having her feelings saved just because she's personally invested/female and prone to hysterics/both

He's been chasing him for TWELVE YEARS without catching him

Aka this is the easiest thing ever: just get paid to suck at doing your job to find yourself :P

If he turns out not to be the killer this was at least a hilarious diversion imagining this

Oooh they've re-used the yellow panels for the motel screen which have a serious pedigree of being the yellow panels in the motel - but almost always in crosses or inverted crosses in the empty spaces between them. The new pattern doesn't really have any negative space image I can see.

Dean knows trucker lingo.

I assume this is something you pick up if you literally grow up routinely visiting truck stops and being exposed to truckers as the other wandering workers you'd find on the road most often as a hunter.

There's plenty of headcanons out there about Dean and truckers and picking things up as well.

He calls Wendy "Alice in Wonderland" which might be trucker lingo but also overlaps with the whole Wendy Darling then when talking about Victorian kids literature

Sam says it's stupid to use the trucker radio and then starts trying to argue down the case because he wants to go home and not-sleep some more. (ARGH it being a couple of weeks means Sam has spent a couple of weeks not sleeping)

He has a point about being fugitives and wanting to stay off the radar, but I kinda think he's just finding reasons and yelling about them because he's irritable (depressed, angry, no sleep) and wants to stop even though he couldn't say no to Donna to start with, now they're here it's time to start looking for exit ramps.

Dean says "Dad used it all the time" re: the radio so we're also invoking his ghost with some point to make on top of everything else :P

"So what do you want to do? Call up Donna and say 'sorry about your niece, these things happen! Later!' and head back to the bunker to mope some more?"

OH NO I mean of course Dean has noticed but holy crap he's actually calling it out immediately.

(Reminds me of season 1 when they had so little else going on they were constantly side-eyeing each other's nightmares and grumpiness levels and commenting on it - Dean especially while trying to work out what was wrong with Sam before he came out with the visions thing.)

Anyways we have it established in the same episode that Dean calls it out that Sam is moping around the Bunker, which honestly should not impress me as much as it does, except that they have had a very passive-aggressive last... 11 years :P

Dean thinks it's weird that Sam got up at 10 because he's Mr Rise and Freakin' Shine, and tbh there were people last year bitching about Davy's characterisation of these guys, but he has a very very direct way of exposing them and picking which bits to show up to catch them at their worst angles and I LOVE IT from a meta perspective, but perhaps it comes off weird to people who aren't primed to think of the characters in certain ways. Especially that they may act out of their normal patterns. In 12x15 Dean started the episode disgustingly dirty and not caring about the car or their home environment, which is obviously out of character. Sam "sleeping in" is out of character but this time we see it unfold and at least immediately have a clue that it's because something is wrong and have it called out far more obviously than in 12x15 where it was left for us to interpret, and some people wildly missed the mark by assuming it was just bad characterisation, instead of identifying past characterisation and playing with it as an exposure of something new

Also... Dean made pancakes because he knew Sam was upset. My heart.

I mean Sam didn't go for them, but again, 13x05, Sam trying to make Dean feel better, 13x11, Dean trying to make Sam feel better.

Uhoh. I am scared to see what Dean lists... "I know you're in a dark place. We lost Jack, Mom is... I think about 'em too. All the time."

He doesn't know Caaaas is lost tooooooo

my heart.

ALSO it's dramatic irony again, as it was at the beginning of the season - Dean not knowing about Cas's current state, in which we are wildly more equipped to tell him how he should be feeling...

I mean look at bisexualdemondean's inbox over Christmas with all the jokey needling from people reminding him to check on Cas or coughing into their sleeves about seeing what Asmodeus is up to, and obviously demon!Dean casually being like pfft whatever and paying it no heed because the very in character RP is savvy to this plot that Dean has no clue and seems to think he has no reason to worry, even if he hasn't seen Cas in a while. The show is making the same reaction as the anons who want him to look and the show Dean is obviously completely in the dark, minus the wink wink fourth wall break from the blogger behind the demon!Dean blog that they know full well what the anons are implying because they've seen the show...

why am I using this as an example? Because the show's been incredible with the dramatic irony this season and as a way of creating an emotive response from us it can not be overlooked as an element of the season, but also has a knife edge from causing a BUNCH of wank from people who don't get it that this is something Dean doesn't know, that the pain of watching him not knowing all this stuff is basically permanently setting up SOMETHING at his expense this season and constantly using what he doesn't know about what's happening to Cas as the lever to boot.

And idk I find it totally fascinating, and awesome, and really clever, but when the show is super clever the fandom as a mass entity seems to struggle, for whatever reasons.

Non-judgementally, it's like that MIB meme about panicky mobs of people aka fandoms, just as a mass entity. If you're reading this I assume you've been reading the other posts I made per episode where I've talked about this literally every time it comes up so as individuals you're probably not part of this :P

Oh heck I should not have pressed play. "You can't let it eat you up. Look when I was broken up you were there for me. Well I'm here for you now."

I love SalmonDean in the exact right quantities and this is the sort of thing that makes my stomach hurt with affection for them

Dean gives Sam the same message of putting your head down and focussing on the work.

Repress repress repress!!!!!!!

I think the radio is going to put an end to this - yeah

lol Dean is midnight rider

sounds like a woman on the other end? the static makes it hard to tell but the dudes all laugh off Dean's request like it's a hook up request for Wendy or just don't care, then this woman radios in with info

score one vs toxic masculinity

"it's a date"

Dean says he'll go check it out and tells Sam to hang back, I think to enforce his obligation to Donna while also giving him a chance to rest until needed, which is a nice arrangement.

Sam does the "Look obviously I'm here for Donna" and doesn't have a "but" - though it's left hanging that he's struggling. Whatever else is going on, he is saying he doesn't intend to bail, despite his earlier attempt to argue to go home

aaaaand back to the serial killer basement.

More masks, and Wendy with her eyes covered too

Wendy screaming and getting screamed back at, and mocked silently with the serial killer miming tears at her - not using his voice, definitely falling into this persona of the monster with a disregard for her feelings... the "Boo hoo" attitude again takes me back to toxic masculinity as the bad guy

And he tells her to smile (again if it's the UFO creep from the Truck Stop although honestly he looked too small to be this guy) - if it's not him it's once again just men being creeps.

"Sorry I'm late," Sam says, showing up after reluctantly dragging himself into work

my heart is breaking for this guy

Donna has been handed credit card history for Wendy so they'll probably be at the creepy truck stop soon - if that's not where Dean arranged to go already (I didn't catch where they arranged to meet)

Huh, Mr FBI called in Bible Guy who I assume had the Jesus Saves van, of all the potential suspects in that truck stop.

He's suuuuper creepy but I assume at this point, probably not the bad guy, if he's already here 15 minutes in.

Although he did have Wendy's bloody shirt so who knows... Doesn't look good.

He's called Pastor Diamond something or other which goes with how there's a diamond motel neeext episode... or 13x13. Yeah. Anyways, theeemes

He's already called out for having a history of lewd behaviour, then we add being creepy enough to keep a bloody shirt even if he isn't the killer.

(I assume the killer wouldn't be dumb enough to be caught with it)

OMG Dean's dressed as a trucker.

Which is to say, his normal plaid with a puffy vest over it.

And yaaaay it is mowhawk lady from the diner aka one of the main characters from TAZ Amnesty I mean what no she isn't a magician with a bunny. I'm so confused :P

Oh no, she didn't stop to pick Wendy up, and she made excuses to herself for why she couldn't stop and help out another woman in distress, and now feels the Guilt. Everyone feels very bad about what happened to Wendy but it's not helping her >.>

Donna has to stop to gather herself when they pull out Wendy's picture and start talking about how great she is.

Pfft and then Diamond whatever fuckhead is super racist about a guy with a Mexican-sounding name. Well he may not be the serial killer to be brought in so early but this is very much a story of how all the humans can be monsters if they try hard enough.

(I love the "Humans are the real monsters" stories and this one is great because who can you trust in that scenario, and it focuses on all sorts of things, like the trucker's responsibility to help and being a bad Samaritan etc is a lesser evil and she's definitely one of the nicer-seeming people, because she said Manny's gives her the creeps as well so she's on our side about it, but at the same time she's still mixed in with the social responsibility for allowing evil to happen... this probably isn't social commentary about current America at allllll)

Dean enlists Doug's help which is... great... and Doug shows up trying to be all shady in a hooded coat. Donna's adapting to the grittiness well... Doug sticks out like a sore thumb

I like that Dean's already staking out Manny's anyways.

Ewwww Doug just saying "I love Donna" blech

He's asking if Donna will be okay after never seeing her sad before but almost the first proper interaction Dean had with Donna seeing her as more than local police but as a person was seeing her deep dark pit of sadness about how Doug1 treated her, and told her she deserves better. He KNOWS Donna has a lot of sadness and self-worth issues she doesn't let on, and if Doug doesn't know about them after a year, he's not someone Donna opens up to. She opened up to Jody immediately, in contrast :P

"Not sure what you mean."

Doug lists some really superficial things they talk about as talking about "everything"

"I think she's hiding something from me"

Dean is like... hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

He tells Doug he's going to be there for Donna and to trust her.

Maybe I just really hate Doug more and more but Dean's starting to remind me of the Lester conversation in 10x02 but just in bafflement about how Doug could possibly ~get~ Donna.

Meanwhile Donna looks like she's about to school Pastor Dickhead

He's sitting there with the lighting giving him a halo while playing butter won't melt in his mouth

And she's playing friendly cute Donna facade while telling him he's gonna be had for dinner for 2 days in the cells while getting him to talk

She's awesome.

Well that's super suspicious that the cashier closed early and chased after Wendy... We're halfway through so allowing for monster nonsense to get added in...

At this point because it took so long to get to a download, my mum insisted we watch the episode together while we ate so I now know everything that happened. D:

Ugh creepy pastor. ugh. the least he deserves is being reduced to crying by Donna while interrogating him.

Mr Totally Not The Bad Guy being like "But the shiiiirt" and Sam and Donna are too smart to think it makes sense for a moment. Sam says almost exactly what I would have done - hurr blurr I evaded capture for 12 years but here I am with a bloody shirt in my van

I mean the pastor is probably someone they were sizing up as potential eating and just hadn't got around to him yet, so he also worked as a fall guy

Anyway blatant "but if it isn't him who is it" cut to the cashier

The plot makes mores sense with hindsight that he cracks and shows Dean the video because they'd recognised the Winchesters' car and so he wasn't just playing dumb that he happened to know the website but his albi was being over here while the live cutting up was going on but that he confidently had the reassurance they didn't know he was a vampire so he could go along with whatever while leading them into a trap, and thinking that his day ended with packing up bits of Winchesters to go.

The "how they do it in the FBI" pathetic slap and then the Look that Donna gives Dean and the shifty look he gives back before turning to Doug and giving him another "but yeah it is" nod to back it up is an amazing silent exchange

Whoops Doug finds out about monsters. Dean has another "awkward" look caught between them

At this point Wendy being auctioned is really just bait to make them come

I will forgive Sam for not being more suspicious of Mr FBI on account of him having a very bad day but the point where he shows up and helps them investigate and Sam, now knowing it's monsters, doesn't fob him off harder but just says "alright follow me" is where I call impaired judgement

The caged halo lights are back and the creepy mask guy doesn't get to stand under one but one is directly behind Wendy in the video clip of her screaming

The trick with the radio is good because it works on us too knowing the torture is currently going on with that music playing.

And then we go to Doug being roughed up and turned because it's time to do all the reveals now we have the fake out, so Sam gets knocked out and Doug left as a distraction and the cashier to hold them up.

Oops Doug is a vampire. Doug growling is weird

Pfft and he just immediately attacks Donna. Dean is very quick thinking to immediately grab dead man's blood as soon as things start going.

"Well thanks for making it easy for me."

The vampire comes back to gloat and tell Dean that Sam's been got.

I love that Donna has no patience and just shoots the guy's knee out because we need to sort things out and Dean's showy machete waving ways aren't her style :P

"No no no get further back. He's a big boy, we need a wiiiide lens" I know it's terrible but I laughed SO HARD

"Hell soon as I saw that fancy car I knew who you were"

... we do always say is it a good idea that they keep driving it around? no. but will they stop? Never. :P

"The Butterfly" giving Sam a rough estimate of how many monsters there are - 100s of thousands - says the ones Sam and Dean see are too mean or stupid to "pass" which does lend itself to a double-edged fear of every day people being monsters... I think the implication with a corrupt FBI guy and the monsters we see all being white peeps is not a racist implication but more commentary on society being awful and so on, and I think using the racist preacher as the absolute scum of humanity is a good way to avoid too much weird implications about monsters - the BMoL had that creepy Brexit parallel which sort of cast monsters as immigrants which of course, considering they might well eat people, wasn't the neatest message.

I think this is a bit more tuned to 2018 anyway :P My concerns about the social commentary from earlier have mostly evaporated.

He thinks he's saving good honest American lives by feeding only people who won't be missed to the monsters - and he mentioned that the Mexican guy had a family which means he WOULD be missed - he's just racist too.

He's good at the whole auction voice thing though.

They really toned down the vampire cure thing because Dean barfed his guts up with it and now he's letting Donna give Doug the cure in the car as they drive.

In the *car*

"Let's begin the auction for Sam Winchester's HEART"

lemme tell you, even coming in at like 500k that's still not as much as it's worth. That is a priceless artefact there.

I absolutely adore the "you had no idea your aunt could do that" fight sequence :D

Like, she knows Donna's a cop, but having her just bust in and kill the guy...

What an aunt.

"There are many pieces to Sam Winchester but only one heart"

Honestly, devoid of context, I wanna see that on like 8 different artsy Sam edits.

Fake out Sam getting shot. "Since Dean's out there, quick and dirty."

Not quick enough.

Sam having a "huh, I'm not dead," moment. After we see the close up gunshot and that's why Sam and "The Butterfly" were both down to their white shirts, because there's just a mo where we aren't sure which one of them we're seeing even though it was aimed at Sam's head so it's clear just from seeing a shot to the heart that it wasn't Sam.

Also he wouldn't just randomly die, I say in a season where Dean randomly died already :P

Dean does those quips just for Sammy's benefit

I think Donna and Doug maaay not have been dating but she kinda realised she might like him now they've had a sort of adventure together...

"I was a vampire!" "For a couple of hours"

Ah well, bye bye Doug, thanks for breaking Donna's heart, don't let the door hit you on the way out.

This was a bit drawn out but I think it was important for Donna even if Doug is really annoying so I don't like watching him struggle on screen.

I think Donna really hoped she'd found someone in the life

Sam just sees it as completely inevitable and good for Donna that she doesn't have someone she cares about in the firing line.

Ow.

Ow ow ow ow.

Oh Donna as well... :(

I'm just in so much pain for Sam and Donna. Dean needs to hug 'em both.

He just gives Donna the pat on the shoulder while she cries.

Buuut now she's Doug-free for Wayward Sisters, hurrah!

She and Jody can bond and discover something in each other they didn't even know they were missing :3

That Jody's name isn't "Doug" for starters.

Dean's still harping on what Sam said to Donna, both telling her to get used to having no one close to you and just in general, yikes it's never good to hear someone you care about talking that way about caring about people and he should know he's BEEN there.

This is like the dark opposite of 11x04's optimistic Sam and "someone in the life" stuff.

Sam angrily stands his ground because he's a grumpy goose today "Was I wrong?"

it seems like Kaia set off his latest mood but also in losing Jack in the process of looking for Mary, who, also, is still gone and not seen for weeks before that, presumed dead... I would guess the fact that he was miserable in The Bad Place was the start of this, before Kaia died, and losing her really just symbolised how shitty everything is, the cherry on top of losing all the people they care about over and over.

After Dean spent the first part of the season his terrible way, now Sam's got his overdue depression and breakdown (tiiitle drop) that has been lurking below the surface...

... if we're lucky, as Sam fans, this might not just be a one-episode thing but actually, like, something that's going to happen in an ongoing way for Sam??

Sam denies he's in a dark place because everything he's saying is true, but Sam normally does repress and get optimistic about finding ways to research their way out of whatever hole they get themselves into this time.

Which ain't healthy but is how Sam manages to skim over the top of being in a dark place most times, meaning this is really hitting him hard now.

He also mentions Cas in his list of having mom and cas back and helping jack, accidentally playing into the dramatic irony in another way, of not knowing Cas is currently in trouble now as well but still listing him among the ones they've lost and that he's lost hope over...

"This ends one way for us, Dean."

And with that, the ginormous, grimy, rusty cog behind the entire mechanism, finally clunks around a slot, turning it from Dean as the dying bloody mindset Winchester to Sam, for the first time in a long time, and in a very curious way that Dean, who states it all the time, is now forced to evaluate and to think, do I really agree with it? I say it all the time but WOAH THAT IS HORRIFYING TO HEAR COMING OUT OF SAMMY'S MOUTH WHAT THE HELL WHO BELIVES THAT?

I'M CARVING THAT FUCKER A SLICE OF THE APPLE PIE LIFE AND HE'S GONNA SHUT UP AND EAT HIS DAMN LIZARD. PIE. I MEANT PIE.

Anyway then we end of that awful shot of Sam from the outside of the impala looking in on him which just makes us feel helpless about not being able to hug him, in my scientific opinion of what that shot is implying.

#13x11 #season 13 spoilers #my stuff

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the-other-bouleyne-boy · 7 years

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Astrology Chart: The Courtesan Archetype

May 5, 1995 Numerology association: Aphrodite Tarot Association: Empress and Lovers Venus and Fire Dominant Key Personality Traits: Emotional, Playful, Sensual, Artistic, Spontanous, Loyal Sun Sign: Taurus Shows: The Basic Personality Stubborn but hates admitting it. Protective of his friends, always willing to help. He can appear a bit pretentious at times, and has an ok sense of humor, and quite an overachiever. He may be bit insecure when it comes to falling in love. Moon Sign: Cancer Shows: The Emotional Aspects, The True Soul This individual is extremely sensitive and emotions carry high importance. He is most likely in touch with his emotions and those of others. In other words, he can be very intuitive. Nobody can beat their power of memory. They yearn for familiarity and security He can be prone to mood swings. However, he has a unique perspective about life and tend to value his relationships. He may also exhibit great amounts of creativity and possess the eye of appreciating the arts minutely. He may tend to feel uncomfortable when in an unfamiliar territory or situation. However, in situations where he feels comfortable, they can be very affectionate and caring. The nurturing aspect of his personality is expressed by hospitable and compassionate . He will develop strong friendship bonds, even with total strangers. Mercury Sign: Gemini Shows: Communication Style, Intelligence Hey may be generally quick-witted. He can come across as somewhat ditsy, and this is mainly due to his interests. They seem to know a little about everything. His learning is a little superficial — they generally have too many interests to delve too deeply into any one. He may get bored easily, but they is a fast learners. Impressionable to a fault, he may pick up more from their environment than most. There is a nervous energy here that is unmistakable. He may be able to quickly spot human weaknesses and then play around with them. Venus Sign: Aries Shows: Relationship Style, Values. He is an independent spirit who knows what they want. His desires burn hot. There is a innocent aura of charm here. He craves excitement and the thrill of the unknown. People born under Venus in Aries are often magnetic and lively individuals who easily catch the attention of others. He might often find himself being desired or pursued by more than one person at a time. The one who's always down for an adventure. Knows how to separate work and play. Self-esteem is generally fragile. He may seem confident and self-assured, but on the inside, their opinion of themselves fluctuates wildly, ranging from sheer conceit to self-loathing. He will need validation from others, and if he is deprived of that, there can be a lot of anxiety surrounding their value. There is tremendous delight in exploration, discovery, and exciting experience, especially when this involves other people. He is interested in just about anything, and finds something fascinating in each and every person, something other people have never seen or figured out before. Mars Sign: Leo Shows: Sexual Desire, Energy, Action This position of Mars gives a drive for significance. This individual possesses a strong need to create. Passions run high, and so does desire. There is a strong will that gives this native much staying power. This is one of the more sexual positions of Mars. While he may be rather easy to arouse, his passion will be long-standing and loyal. He will enjoy sex more than most, as long as heavy doses of love and romance are part of the package. In partnership, he will demand loyalty and love. He will shine like the sun on the battlefield, and he is brilliantly confident, amorous, gracious, fierce, explosive and exuberant. Hee is the king who knows how to rule with command and grace. When he is in love, the whole world knows about it, because his heart roars and his spirit spindles flames into gold. Jupiter Sign: Sagittarius Shows: Sense of Purpose, Reactions to Difficulty He can be very inspirational and idealistic. His natural enthusiasm should come through when he teaches or learns new things, and he should be able to see the big picture. He may be interested in teaching, publishing, education, travel and foreign cultures. Carefree and outgoing, good natured. Saturn Sign: Pisces Shows: Responsibilities, Commitment , Serious Nature He can be very self-sacrificing and empathetic. Uranus Sign: Aquarius Shows:Self-Discovery He likes to turn the world upside down. The revolution may be loud or peaceful, but he is a part of the action either way. Neptune Sign:Capricorn Shows: Dreams, Idealism, Illusions This is a person who dreams of stable home life, most likely desiring to be a spouse and parent. Pluto Sign : Scorpio Shows: Self-Empowerment He may be drawn to activities that will involve him emotionally. Intensity is the key word. He knows how to bring things that are hidden out into the light. He fights for human rights and has a talent for helping the unconventional become accepted. There is a strong sexual aura here as well. Lilith Sign:Gemini Shows: Dark-side Words and thoughts are key. With Lilith in Gemini, those words and thoughts easily become playthings, and can quickly become twisted. Playful at best, manipulative at worst. He may use mind games to cover up for their own crippling anxiety and insecurity. Racing thoughts and overthinking can be found here. Mental isolation, nervous breakdowns, anxiety, sexual unpredictability. Houses: 1st: Uranus Shows: First Impressions He may like to experiment with his appearance a lot. He may wear unusual clothes or dye his hair quite a lot. He may enjoy being different from others 2nd:Mars Shows: Environment, Money, Work, Values This native is driven toward material gain. He may be impulsive. There is an assertive driven energy towards establishing himself within his values and stability in the physical world. 3rd: Venus Shows: Communication, Siblings, Friends, Community Ever-flitting, ever-flying; so envied and admired, artistic thinker. 4th: Mercury Shows: Home, Family homely, strong memory, chatty, “home maker” 5th: Mercury Shows: Self-Expression lively, quick-witted, comical, 6th: Moon Shows: Emotional Comfort: Spending time with friends 7th: Leo/Sun Shows: Relationships, Marriage Pride and identity is found through close relationships. Marriage and long lasting relationships are his focus. He will take great care to ensure their partners are happy and healthy, making a great partner himself. His charm may be great, and is typically highly considerate of others. 8th: Venus Shows: Relationships gregarious, resourceful, deeply committed, over-thinking 9th:Pluto Shows: Travel, Morals, Traveling plays a major part when it comes to his life’s direction. Seminars and long journeys will completely change him. Midheaven: Jupiter Shows: Career, Public Image Travel Agent, Tour Guide, Trader, Politician. 11th: Jupiter Shows: Social Life Tends to have more casual friendships and likes those who are conversationalist and individualist. 12th: Saturn Shows: Endings, Healing They tend to have a lot of worries and fears Summary: I am a guardian, and care is what makes me feel emotionally happy, but I express myself in a lighthearted way. When it comes to love, I will be passionate, but when I get angry I become proud. People see me as unique. Life systematically challenges me to face overwhelming stress. My sense of humor is teasing. I’m impassioned when it comes to changes and I have the imagination of an artist. My individual prowess is my sexuality. I’ll be successful as a politician (insert laugh). I can be compared to a fascinating northern light.

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