#And being aware of that doesn't mean I'll automatically just stop doing it. If being aware was enough I wouldn't have thought broadcasting | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hesitantvampirealien · 10 days

Text

notifications disabled for this post. Send me any potential corrections through the asks or private messages.

I know i said I wouldn't do public angry rants anymore, but this is a nevessary rant. I ask you to read the entire text before interacting with the post (obviously)

stop misgendering gerard on purpose

you know very well what kind of person you sound like when you do that.

it's just lowkey comical (if not enraging) how some refer to them with the one pronoun they don't use, as far as I'm aware at least, but I've never seen anyone say they used all, only he/they, if I'm wrong you can tell me (but I'll need a RELIABLE source to what you say to make sure you're not just making shit up to have the right to disrespect someone without being rightfully scolded), so using "she" just makes you incredibly disrespectful. Like... you think a he/they can't wear a dress? you think a he/they can't show femininity? you think a he/they isn't allowed to not look like a straight cis guy all the time? You think just because someone doesn't use a male label then they automatically must be female and can't just be neither, or use no labels at all? You think a person can't be happy showing fenininity if they're not a woman? you think that's not possible? you think that's WRONG, perhaps? because THAT is what you sound like. Not only to me, but to many people that I've seen complaining inumerous times about this INSANE disrespect

following the same logic, do you think, for example, because I'm wearing makeup in most of my photos and don't fit in one particular binary gender, i don't have your permission to be a he/him and i have to be what YOU say i should be? because that's what you sound like when you do that

and i can already tell someone's gonna be butthurt and tell me I'm exaggerating so they don't have to feel shame for being a disrespectful little bitch. Gerard is a person, not a fucking character you can headcanon things about.

Not to mention that this kind of disrespect is one of the reasons why some masc or neutral trans people also feel extremely unsafe wanting to use or do things considered feminine, because look at how you're fucking treating a person that you don't even actually know. It's not 100% correlated (well... it is, a little bit) but don't even get me started on the shit my masc or neutral fellas have to go through because of people who very obviously also love to give them a hard time just because they don't fit in your "preferred gender label" and make them feel like shit for existing because you keep throwing them in the same pit as cishet men who fuck things up and say all of them are the same (newsflash, you're being just as oppressive as the cishet men). Like, I'm sorry (I'm not sorry) but most of you, if not all of you, are those exact same people, who do the exact same things and behave the same way, you're just doing it in different intensities. Just go fuck yourself already, seriously. I genuinely mean it with all my heart.

if I'm wrong about the he/they, do tell me and show me the reliable source so i can be sure that I'm actually wrong and can correct myself properly, but I'll most likely keep the post up since i also brought up another issue regarding this kind of disrespect.

#gerard way #mcr #my chemical romance #mcrmy

30 notes · View notes

elliespuns · 3 months

Note

What is your perspective on tlou2 being inspired by the Israel-Palestine conflict? It didn't register with me at first but I've gotten too attached to the characters by the time that I discovered it and it is genuinely disappointing HOWEVER I have separated their narratives from the political dimension of the game by just focusing solely on the individual emotional journeys that each of the characters go through and I never really bought the games myself first hand except get them second hand but is it still wrong to adore the characters?

Not happy about it. I mean, who would be?

I wasn't aware of it at first either; it just didn't click, and then I started seeing the rumors, and well, it all made sense. I am disappointed. Not at all for Neil Druckmann, though. I don't really care about him (except for his amazing mind, where he created Ellie and Joel, the only fictional characters that I've got to love so much). What I am disappointed in more is that almost everyone thinks that once you continue to love this game, you support the evil too. Which is not how I feel about it.

But then again, does even my opinion matter? I've already got a lot of anon messages throwing hate on me for managing a blog about TLOU and supporting the evil. And I sit here and wonder... where did I ever say that I supported the bad side of the conflict? I don't think I ever did. Why? Because I don't talk about politics on this blog. This blog has been made to share love with all TLOU lovers, not to support Neil Druckmann or anyone else's political views or to even share about politics in general.

People are quick to judge. They go and preach to stand with Palestine and then go hate on the people who chose to stay quiet. People should realize that individuals managing fandom blogs and not sharing politics doesn't automatically mean that they support the evil. We (bloggers) have our own personal lives out of our blogs and our own personal accounts. Many of us are posting about the conflict on our personal social media. People should think about this before making bloggers feel like shit for managing silly blogs where they don't want to discuss what can be discussed elsewhere.

I have a deep bond with this game; I had it a long time ago before any of this was happening (everyone knows I will always prefer the first game over the second). This is not something I can just throw away. I have memories connected to it, feelings, emotions... it's not like I can tell myself 'fuck the game' now just because of the news I got. I guess it's easy for others when the bond is not so strong, but this game has been in a better part of my life for so long, and believe it or not... when I think about how Ellie and Joel make me happy, I don't have fucking Druckmann in mind or any of his political views.

I will never mix my admiration for this project with politics. Me not agreeing with Neil Druckmann's political views won't change the fact that I've already fallen in love with this game years ago. I am not loving Druckmann; I am loving something he once created. That is a big difference. Especially if you've already loved the game before the conflict.

I say, unless you're actively supporting the propaganda and throwing your money at it, you are not hurting anybody. You, being emotionally connected to the story of this propaganda's project or its characters won't really change a thing. Not for good, yes, but not for bad either.

Anyway, this is my opinion. I think people should stop judging those who are not sharing politics on their fandom blogs because they never know what these people share on their personal accounts. We are here to enjoy things that are free; love and joy for fictional characters we've adored for too long.

Sorry, I got a bit carried away. This is probably the only post about politics I'll share, so this needed to be said.

Anyway, you don't need to feel bad for loving the characters. You are not doing anything wrong. I think every one of us who still loves TLOU to this day is able to detach from the fact of who's behind the games. We're here for Ellie and Joel. They don't care about Druckmann either.elliespuns answers

#the last of us #tlou #ellie williams #ellie tlou #joel miller #joel tlou #ellie and joel #joellie #the last of us game #tlou game #the last of us part 2 #tlou part 2 #i stand with palestine #elliespuns answers

37 notes · View notes

niobiumao3 · 6 months

Text

'TechPhee is rushed'

Nothing has been rushed because literally nothing has happened! The closest they've come is an awkward not-goodbye after an episode clearly showing them circling one another. What's there to have been rushed??? Phee attempting to express interest and Tech completely missing it? How do you rush the ground level, absolute first step of a romantic interaction?

'Phee needs more characterization'

Definitely! And yet somehow that's not a reason to not ship her with Fennec, whom she's never even met (that we know of), or Cid, who she's been on screen with for about 1/10 as much time as Tech. Those are the 'better' canon options for her despite little to no interaction with them. How does that make more sense than Tech??

'She was neurotypical at Tech in their last scene. '

As we all know, neurotypical people are immediately aware of how to interact with ND/autistic people, they're all taught from an early age about the differences, how to spot them, etc. <sage nod>

I'll come clean; what I saw in this scene was two people misunderstanding one another. That the reason is Phee is probably neurotypical was likely the root cause, but an autistic person in her position probably would have ALSO been frustrated, they'd simply have expressed it differently. Are you going to tell me any two autistic people are automatically better at communicating because, do I have news for you...

Phee is mildly concerned they're running off in the night, prods at Tech a little. Tech doesn't know what she wants/expects, so he offers her a briefing, which to him makes perfect sense. That's how you tell someone what your mission is about! But to Phee, it comes across as a distancing, a pushing away, which is why she reacts so negatively IMO. They've been there for, what, probably a month or more, helping rebuild after the tsunami, integrating into the community, and there's no goodbyes or anything, just a 'briefing'. So it upsets her, this cutting off that she perceives. Which is of course not at all what it is, just the entire Batch has literally no experience with telling friends/non-combatants 'going on a risky mission with little chance of returning, wish us luck!', and definitely Tech doesn't if his body language is any indication. (And yet he was standing outside the ship...)

And she tries to get through to him in the way she knows how, which obviously fails--you can practically SEE him thinking 'what does that MEAN' when she talks about not running off. What she means is, 'come back to us, to ME, in one piece'. But hey, she has her own reasons for being careful and not putting herself too out there, it's just Tech has zero context for her wording.

At which point she seems to realize there's still a long way to go in getting to know one another, in coming to an understanding about the differences in how they experience life and express themselves. So she stops, lets it go. They can discuss how friends--good ones, at least--do not go on do or die missions without at least an 'I hope I can come back' once they return. (*cough*)

I don't know how this scene could have gone differently without an implication of a lot of interactions happening which addressed some of their differences. Which would be the 'rushing' people are accusing the ship of--and it literally isn't implied! At all!! If anything this scene plays right into need to slow roll things. It's like the writing can't win; either it's rushed, in which case omg lazy writing, or Phee is being horrible to Tech for not knowing how to interact with him in more personal moments despite them still determining where they stand.

The expectation that Phee handle Tech 'more carefully' in this scene is both racist in its assumptions about her and infantalizing to Tech. Sure, she could have done better, but she didn't exactly do him some sort of irreparable harm, any more than Hunter did when saying Tech can talk for hours on a subject. But Phee is a black woman and suddenly the expectation she perform this interaction perfectly as acceptable by every fan (NT/allistic or not) is the only way for the ship to be even moderately acceptable.

No one says you have to like the ship or be remotely interested in it, but attributing characteristics to it that it clearly doesn't have reveals a need to negate it, to declare you're correct in not liking it.

You can just not like it. But claiming things with no actual basis in the writing or canon looks really suspicious.

#this is just salt and ranting #reading the rest of the internet is such a mistake #but I wanted to write this down before I forgot

42 notes · View notes

dowagersqueen · 3 months

Note

It's really funny that Helaemond is still so hated by many greens and is often mentioned as a possible reason that could even make them stop watching the show. Ofc, I doubt they would stop watching it, they're mostly being dramatic. But still, making Helaemond canon by the showrunners would be, apparently, the worst thing ever🙄 and would irreparably ruin the greens.

However, these haters almost always ignore the fact that if any ship could ruin or seriously harm not only the greens but the show in general, it's Rh*enicent. And I really have an impression that the showrunners' idea of Rh*enicent is the one most TB fans have: the one where Alicent is constantly apologetic and subservient to Rhaenyra at the expense of her own family. Idk if those leaks are true, but even the possibility of Alicent and Rhaenyra's meeting at Dragonstone in the season finale irritates me. And the funny thing is, it really could happen given the show's nonsensical pushing of the ship that lost any meaning after the time skip. The seeds are unfortunately planted in episodes 8 and 9. But no, Helaemond is the biggest problem for the greens' storylines, according to my fellow greens. Right. Honestly, even though I would really like to see Helaemond happen on screen (in my version of Helaemond the children are still Aegon's, at least the twins), I don't have much hope anymore. I'm almost sure, however, that we'll see a lot of Rh*enicent inspired nonsense. I mean, what indelible harm could Helaemond possibly do to the greens? Imo it could (if done right ofc) only give more depth and complexity to Helaena and Aemond's characters. If the children's paternity and legitimacy is the problem for the antis (since some of green fans desperately want Helaena to be morally superior to Rhaenyra and a good and faithful wife™️ to Aegon no matter what) the children could still be Aegon's because Helaemond doesn't automatically mean that Jaehaerys and Jaehaera are Aemond's bastards. And Rh*enicent? I don't see how it could be good for the show since it would only further ruin Alicent for the reasons I mentioned above and wouldn't be helpful to Rhaenyra's character either. The pushing of that ship will only perpetuate the "evil patriarchy, evil men, poor manipulated women" narrative, which is honestly quite insulting and oversimplified for the story like this. And still, even Rh*enicent is more welcome in green spaces than Helaemond. Why, I'll never understand.

Sorry for this long rant.

hello.

you are so right and i very much agree with everything you said. everyone who follows my blog knows that i talked about this a million times and i did acknowledge and address some of the fears the greens have when it comes to helaemond but it's also hard to ignore the double standard and hypocrisy, just like you point out.

also rhaen*cent isn't just welcomed in green spaces, a huge chunk of the greens fandom ships them which is laughable for them to then turn around and talk about how helaemond would ruin the greens. rhaen*cent, from green fandom pov, doesn't even get 1/10 of the shit helaemond gets.

as for hopes for helaemond... i would write it off completely yet. unlike the fans of one certain ship who always claim they know what will happen, i can't claim the same. i'm not a writer for the show, i don't know what they have planned, but i have a feeling there could be a possibility of more helaemond in season 2. personally i will wait and see, these writers are not exactly consistent so who knows what to expect for them but if anything helaemond in season 1 was written with clear romantic subext and intent.

when it comes to rhaen*cent, we will certainly see more of it. they are very set on focusing on this ship so i fully expected it to be central to the story going forward, regardless of whether i like it or not. it sucks from many povs but i am fully aware that the writers are committed to this.

the claim that they'll stop watching if helaemond is canon... i mean it's their choice and they should do so if they want to but it's amusing because first of all, a lot of them will tune in regardless and this is all bark (remember when people were saying they won't watch hotd because of got s8? right...), but even if they don't, they are a very small portion of hotd audience and it won't really matter.

#asks #anti rhaenicent #helaemond #hotd discourse

8 notes · View notes

brionnne · 2 months

Text

Mithrun is autism coded to me, a late diagnosed, high masking autistic woman.

My early life was spent smiling and hiding every bad feeling away because people taught and prized being a "good kid" over being a real person. It's the scrambling, feeling like you're barely a person, struggling while everyone else seems to be doing so well and being so angry and petty and jealous and insecure and hating everyone, but hiding it because you have to be "good". It's also falling more into hyposensitivity versus hypersensitivity, such as burning his tongue and not really reacting to the pain. It's his extreme tunnel vision (monotropism) to the extent of forgetting everything else including bodily needs, which aligns with poor interoception. He doesn't even really become aware he's tired until his body stops, which is something I still experience even while managing other things. It's also lying about said needs, intentional or not. I think this aligns with PDA profile, which I am. Being told or asked to do something can set off the demand avoidance, so saying "No" is pretty much automatic, and I think it's fantastic that he just does it, even when he doesn't have any desire to lie, because it isn't a desire. I'm not saying no because I want to. It's a defense. If I say "No" in the face of any percieved demand, it stops the panic response that would normally occur at the demand, and I use this to manage that.

I even use it similarly, like "Oh, did you shower?" and I just don't want to deal with that so I'll say no, even when it's obvious. There's also the surface sociability. I mean, there's so much really that I resonate with. It's astounding how many marks he hits...

I don't know. He's very important to me. Alexithymia, too. The lack of filter on his speech, while this has been linked with brain damage, is also... I mean, I have ADHD, too.

#i wanted to talk #and maybe #dunmeshi spoilers #but not really #?#i'm tired #and by that i mean 'actively passing out while i write this' which is how i noticed i was tired #but like holy shit #mithrun #mithrun huh?#note: i do also have depression #my identity is like several conditions under a trenchcoat #C-PTSD too #and what the uh #what the goat is most likely an allegory for #yeah #that's also. a part of it.#i'd love to talk more about this #dunmeshi

7 notes · View notes

arziaisfrench · 11 months

Text

▪︎ IPKKND Ep 84 : "I'm so sorry"

Arnav wanted to have a conversation with Khushi and apologize but he learns she's about to go with Lanaya at her party.

Khushi was ready to listen to him but they got interrupted. She already understands he must have realize his mistake, she seems to be aware of the regret and pain in his eyes.

I like this shot of Arnav walking slowly in Khushi's direction, I feel like it represents rather well what he always had in mind when it comes to their relationship, him wanting to come closer to her slowly, at a pace that would make him comfortable and confident enough to try something together. And people/stuff around them/their deep connection interrupt their slow progression, and stop them from moving foward.

Arnav is suprised to hear that Khushi is going in a party organized by Lavanya. "Khushi? In one of Lavanya's party? Why? She's gonna feel so umcomfortable there? I need to take care of her ..."

Yes, he went there to apologize but I think he also was worried for her to go to this party, he doesn't want her to be disrespected there. He probably also knows how Lavanya's fake friends treat people who aren't as rich as them too, and how it could make Khushi feel like an outcast.

"Khushi … ."

Arnav is for the first time calling her name this softly in front of her (he must have call her like this while dreaming of her loool). You can hear all his tenderness for her in the way he said her name. She is surprised by his tone. It made her heart flutter but i think, she also found it offending, calling her with a familiarity he denied her the right to not long ago, when she only tried to comfort him.

"You think I'm here to talk to you?!"

Khushi tells him that she doesn't want to talk to him, he almost automatically gets angry, again by what I talked about before, by his suspicion of the imbalance of their feelings towards each other... "I must not let her see I care for her more than she do, she hates me now, I won't let he know how much I already love her"

Then the ice breaks and they look at each other like never before, they see each other with a clarity that was not possible before.

The way their eyes speak to each other is just so beautiful to watch, a chemistry out of this world these have !! (one of my favorite scenes of the series)

Khushi thinks he doesn't want or try to really apologize to her because he thinks she not worthy enough for him to do so. She thinks that not only he hates her for who she is but that he also can't tolerate her asking him to behave with her as an equal (since her social status is way below him).

Khushi feels powerless in comparison but she is also ashamed of herself for not being able to prove him how equally valuable her life is to her.

"What do I have that could make him envious of my life? If I wasn't that poor, maybe I'll have more strenght to show him I'm very much worthy, that my life is as precious as his."

While hearing the story of her parent's d-ath, he felt ashame not only for the words he said to her but also for knowing after all she's been through at such a young age (lost her parents at 8), she didn't became like him. She didn't give up on believing in life and its meaning. She didn't lose hope (faith).

Arnav didn't know he could love her even more that he did before. But at this moment, he does, he really does. He loves her so much (this scene always get me teary goosh) !!

The way his lips trembled when she asked him to say sorry. He's trying. He's gathering all his strenght to allow her to see him completely. To see Arnav without Asr.

"Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." "Khushi I'm sorry. Khushi see me. See through me. I'm begging."

And Khushi, at that moment sees him fully, sees in his eyes all that made him break, and all that made him love. And at that exact moment , she falls deeper in love with him.

Khushi can't believe what she's hearing. She knows how difficult it is for him to be this vulnerable in front of her. He's apologizing to her. "So … maybe he doesn't think I'm that unworthy. Maybe … maybe he doesn't hate me?"

Arnav's inability to naturally apologize to a "stranger", someone he doesn't fully know is very realistic, especially when it comes to grown-up children who lost their parents quite early. Because there is this inner reflection in them of having been abandoned by their parents because of their own wrong, because they were not good enough for them to stay with them.

This is a huge clue that Arnav's self-esteem is actually low, very low. Arnav doesn't believe he deserves to be loved. Asr may seem arrogant and proud, but it's not really a facade I think, but a dissociation of identity that led this part of him, Asr to emerge in a more exuberant way than it should have been. And this exuberance is not an accident at all, but Arnav's (he's a very complex character) sly and twisted way of hiding his deep fear of being abandoned. To be wrong, to admit that doing msitake is in his mind a risk, a piece of evidence that can let the other (someone he validates and cares for) prove that he is indeed not worth to be loved. It's not pride, it's fear, fear of being seen completely, as an imperfect human being.

It's the first time we've seen him so weak, so weak in front of Khushi. It took a lot of courage for him to let her see him that way, but after all, that's what she deserves after he broke her heart with those cruel words from his

#ipkknd #ipkkndep84 #arshi #arnav and khushi

10 notes · View notes

nightcall99 · 2 months

Text

Automatic writing from 12.3.24

Why the onslaught of low-vibration the past few days?

To show you the choices you make, that you continue to make

What choices am I supposed to be making?

To let it go. Stop playing the game. Just observe. Stop feeding it, stop focusing on it

It feels wrong, to do nothing. It feels like I am betraying myself, like I am letting everyone down when I pretend to not see or not notice

These things happening are not real. It will all dissolve. You see it because it is not gone from you yet. It exists as a scenario for you to participate in until you choose not to engage anymore.

But if there is something happening to someone else and they're simply telling me about it, what is that? How is that participating in the game?

You were already feeling negatively toward these person(s). This was just another way to manifest that reality in the way that the HS saw fit. At the end of the day, you have done a lot of work to get to this level (if you want to put it that way), so it's not exhibiting itself as it had (even more low-vibe) prior. This is all that's left.

So I'm supposed to transcend this game, while I'm still in it?

Yes. It doesn't make sense to leave if you're still playing

I don't understand how I have days or weeks of nothingness (being an NPC) and then you come back and announce things like this. It all seems very random. The time before this, you were saying I should manifest the recall and then Source was saying some other stuff that makes everything you're saying or will say, seem irrelevant.

Just energy moving. Changing our minds as we go along. Making things up on the fly. Altering, swapping, maneuvering. The path down the chute (I'm reminded of the fabric chute dream) will always ends in the same destination. It all comes together. It will fit. The seams of this piece sit smoothly with all it's counterparts

Okay, what was the toilet countdown dream about?

The general atmosphere of how it feels to wait. The child's toilet was the first timeline (and you weren't done so you had to find another toilet). The adult toilet is the second timeline (now). The adult toilet had a countdown that was roughly double the time of the child's toilet. ‘Adult' because you have achieved so much before compared to before. (It comes to mind that when I became aware of all this, I waited around one year for the July 2022 TD countdown and now it's been almost two years since then)

Okay, time doesn't mean anything. You trying to get at something here? Because I don't believe it. You said some bullshit about a 'few days', a few days ago. Mate, you're the definition of the boy who cried wolf.

The key point of the dream was that it 'feels like' this much time has passed. In the dream you could not read the actual numbers of the countdown properly. Refer to the sensations. That was the indeed the whole point. Regarding the latter, we simply changed our minds.

Why?

What does it matter if you leave in a few days, a few weeks or months from now? You must see, by now, even if some small part of you resists it still. That you, the totality of you, the 99% of you, does not in fact, care anymore. You are not resisting anymore. You know you don't care anymore. So what is the point of asking this question?

It's that 1% I guess? Don't I owe it to that 1% to ask? I mean, I can uno-reverse what you just said to me. What is the point being made right now, in the grand scheme of things, that it warrants staying? If it doesn't matter when I leave, then why don't I leave now?

We can uno-reverse that uno-reverse and you can ask it again, ad infinitum and we will just say to you, what does it matter to ask, if this has been decided already and this what is happening right now, the reality that you are currently living?

Ok. I'll shut up about it. What was that dream about where AL and I are at the restaurant and our phones do not accurately pin our locations?

You are done. But reality is fluid and you use this to your advantage. It is the appearance of waiting. The server say it'll be another 10 minutes wait but your food is already ready. Your phone shows you are a few suburbs away, but you are already where you are. Done. Your phone may show the location becoming further and further away, when you are wandering away (being an NPC) but when you remember who you are, you know what needs to be done. You know how to stop this appearance that things are not happening. It is a light switch. It is up to you.

Right. How come SM is always appearing in my dreams? In a different way from how AL does. I always feel his energy, I never feel hers. Is it a visitation?

Yes. You are working together.

So he's living a life on an alien planet and I am working with that incarnation, or his HS? I mean we are always working with other people's HS since there is no separation, but I mean from the game perspective.

Yes and yes. You are never here. So what would you be doing if you are never here, and it is not yet the time for resting? Work. You meet with many essences that you knew from this lifetime, and other lifetimes.

How come I heard AD's voice in my dream?

There is no separation. Working on the same things.

Anything else? You gonna stick around for a bit? I mean this back and forth conversation is rarely sustained for this long. I mean I forgot what it felt like to have feelings for a bit there...

Yes. We are always there under the surface but sometimes further away and harder to reach. A bit closer to the surface for now. For what needs to be done, requires conscious choice making. This is what we have decided, for now.

3 notes · View notes

thefragmentsineed · 3 months

Text

ok, first post.

lately, i've been going through a metamorphosis.

not in a beautiful coming of age. it's like a slow wrapping of layer upon layer as i hang upside down from a branch. i'm not a beautiful butterfly. haven't got there yet. don't know if i'll ever. i sleep, sleep, and wait with my own thoughts to entertain me, there is little change. but there is change, and that's my metamorphosis. i'm turning into an insect, like gregor. or, maybe, i've always been an insect and i've finally come to terms with it. there is a shift regardless.

this hibernation is weird. not in the sense that it's concerning, it's the state of limbo that shocks me. feeling so disconnected yet so self-aware bothers me. i want it on way or another. i don't like this state of equilibrium.

i've been changing and it's scaring me.

this feeling is so complex that i write down multiple drafts to try to find a way to describe it. i either can't vocalize this feeling or this feeling doesn't want to make itself known, to be unveiled. i sound so cryptic and vague. to that, i apologize. you must bear with me.

allow me to try. allow my feelings to exist as text on a screen in this place of the internet.

sometimes, i wish i could get a lobotomy, like how one could get lip filler or a boob job done. i crave such bliss ignorance gives to those cognitively capable. that's wrong for me to say, i'm sorry. i just want to confess: at times, i wish i couldn't think. i don't want these lingering thoughts. i want to take everything at a surface level, but i can't. i don't want to think about why something happens, or how it happens, or why it even exists, why it's needed, why i need it, do i really need it, how i feel this way, why i feel this way, how, why, how, why, what are are these feelings, how, why, what, why, how, why, what, why, how. i need it all to stop. i can't take it anymore. one more prying thought and i'll rip at the seams.

you can't stop unwanted thoughts from infecting the inner corners of your psyche by simply telling them to cease. that's not how it works. if you're told to stop thinking about polar bears, you might not have any interest in polar bears but your mind would automatically conjure a picture of a fluffy, murderous teddy bear floating on a piece of ice. the more you restrict yourself, the more you want to do it, until the desire becomes too much.

do you know the fungus, cordyceps? it's a well known mushroom which has amazing medicinal properties, but that's not why i bring it up. people know cordyceps because of its ability to infect its host, turning them into a zombie and a gardenbed for even more cordycep spore. i'm not knowledable about the entire process, but i sometimes feel like an ant infected by cordyceps. i think about how confused that ant is, being jerked around by itself and the aching pains of being consumed from the inside out. from what i know, the fungus infects and alters the mind of its host and directs them to the perfect environment. when they reach their final destination, the insect dies and that's when the fungus starts to take over completely. With the right humidity and sunlight, sprouts of mushroom rise from the lifeless corpse, new life is created from the destruction. there's a force in my mind, urging me to leave the comfort of my home, to seek a place suitable for it to take over, swallowing me whole. i don't think i'll end up dead by the end of it, no. i'll be something else. i can only theorize, haha.

writing all this down and reading it from top to bottom, it scares me. i never write like this. i was never known to write like this. is this who i am now? i still recognize the face in the mirror who stares back at me and smiles. she puts on lipstick, spritzes on her perfume, smiles at you from across the room, and waves. "i love your outfit, it's so cute!" she genuinely means it but there's another thing on her mind.

day by day, it's growing inside me and it's making itself known.

#ramblings

4 notes · View notes

xanvasofxords · 2 years

Text

Rant about people, who validate ships by their canon status (bc y'all make me mad😊)

Disclaimer : This is from a hardcore Nalu stan, who ships neither Graylu or Gruvia. I think Gruvia is forced, and I stick to that claim, well-aware that the ship is widely loved and accepted by the fandom and is unfortunately canon.

Whether or not Gruvia is canon, does NOT matter. People are free to ship whatever they want. Just cuz Gruvia is one of the big four does NOT automatically mean it has to be shipped by everyone else. Learn to accept that first.

Nobody asked about what you think of Graylu, or how great Gruvia is. You like Gruvia? That's okay, enjoy the ship BUT STOP ANNOYING PEOPLE who don't.

Shipping doesn't have anything to do with canon, you can ship any two characters of your choice regardless of what the mangaka depicts their relationship as.

Crossover ships? Ever heard of them, or wondered why they exist even though the characters involved in the ship don't have any kind of connection to each other? Cuz it depends on people's personal preference, canon doesn't matter.

I don't ship Graylu, but there are people who do and I absolutely do NOT think that as DUMB. Not everyone has to have the same opinion as me or you. Graylu isn't canon, Gruvia is. Okay, congrats on that? However, not all of us like Gruvia, we prefer better relationships.

And we necessarily don't have to just cuz it's canon. Get that inside your head.

There are people who find shipping Gruvia dumb, see it goes either ways. Who cares about canon lol?

Someday, if Mashima ends Ft100yq without making Nalu canon, I'll still respect his decision cuz that's his story. But them not being canon does NOT mean I have to stop shipping them.

Let people ship what they want.

Also, don't post pro gruvia stuff in the anti tag. Cross tagging is NOT nice. Tags matter on tumblr.

#im sorry for the rant but that post was so #RIDICULOUS??#'graylu is dumb but gruvia is nice cuz it is accepted by a huge part of the fandom'#lmao so funny #i dont wanna post much about gruvia/juvia #cuz i dont like them #also dont wanna annoy the gruvia shippers following me #who happen to love nalu <3 #anti gruvia #anti gray x juvia #graylu #gray x lucy #fairy tail

41 notes · View notes

what-do-1000-swords-look-like · 1 year

Text

I just have to get this off my chest because it's been bothering me ever since I saw a particular post about Danneel (I'll mention below) earlier and all of the ridiculousness I've seen this weekend about J2M as well:

Holy fucking shit. I knew with Jibcon being this weekend that there would be so much drama happening (like always) but I can't believe some of the takes I've seen from what these guys have said. This, to me, is an all-new low for this fandom.

First of all, while I am not a Jared fan (I don't hate the guy, I'm just indifferent to him if that makes sense) and while I have repeatedly claimed that I despise 15x20 and Dean's death, when I read his answer to that finale question (I haven't watched the panel yet but I plan to), I did not automatically take it as him saying that Dean deserved to die or that he deserved to live a half life or any of it. Do I agree with his opinion (at first mention I mean)? No, but it's just that, his opinion. Since the whole DenCon 2021 disaster, I've actually done a deep dive with this guy and I have come to appreciate his opinions on things related to the show and industry, even if I may not necessarily agree with him all of the time. I don't think he's an evil guy or sitting around hatching evil schemes to screw over Jensen, Misha, Dean, Cas, or their fans or anything like it. The guy's human and he has opinions, just like every other human being on the planet. Can we please try to come from that perspective when we hear something he said rather than running around screaming "FOUL!" before the guy is even finished speaking? I'm guilty of making that mistake in the past but now I try to come from a more objective and compassionate perspective when I hear something, and then look into it for myself. And each time I find that his words/intention consistently gets misconstrued and painted in a light that was never there in the first place. Which brings me to my second point:

When it comes to Danneel, I am not per se a fan of hers either, I am also rather indifferent to her as I am to Jared or Misha. I don't hate her and even though I don't condone any of what could be characterized as "bad behavior" from the past (i.e. her old tweets and responses to people), like Jared for example, she is also another human being and like any other human being, people do change and they do grow as they get older/have more experiences. She may still behave in a similar manner (though we haven't seen this publicly that I am aware of) or she may not (when you have kids, things tend to change your perspective usually), either way it doesn't matter when it comes to what I'm about to mention. Criticize the woman or don't criticize her, love her or hate her, whatever your reasons, can we PLEASE stop with the bullshit? And what I mean by the bullshit is this:

Jensen mentioned that he was tired in his solo panel today because Danneel wanted to stay up the night before because she hadn't been to Rome in 11 years. All of a sudden, antis (and one severely worrying individual in particular who apparently has a hard time distinguishing fiction from reality when it comes to this couple aka one hgcowboy - you know the one): DANNEEL IS ABUSING HIM BY DEPRIVING HIM OF SLEEP!!!! HOW DARE SHE!!!

Like, are you fucking kidding me? I may be indifferent to the woman or give two figs about her really but how do you get from Jensen being tired from a late night out with his wife to her ABUSING him? And this is characterized as intentional sleep deprivation? Obviously this person (hgcowboy) has never been psychologically abused like this (which is obviously a good thing) nor has she ever spoken to someone who has been through such an ordeal (I am someone who has been through that for example); that's more than evident from this commentary she posted.

1) Danneel wanting to stay out late because this is the one time she's been to Rome in 11 years (and obviously the first time with their kids) is NOT abuse. Have you ever had kids? Have you been married with said kids? There is nothing wrong with Mommy and Daddy having a night out, especially in a place that Mommy doesn't always get to visit (which is why I'm willing to bet that Jensen agreed to stay up despite his early schedule the next day). It doesn't matter that Jensen had a con the next day. The circumstances being what they are change Jensen's usual schedule. If he wasn't married and dating someone instead or took his mom there and she wanted to enjoy a night out or Daniela did as Jensen first joked, is that abuse, too? Simple answer: no. Can it be inconsiderate if (and that's a big IF) that person's intentions were purely self-involved? Sure. But NOT abuse.

2) Jensen is a GROWN ASS MAN. He can make his own decisions. For example, he said yesterday that he likes to go on the Tower of Terror ride (or whatever they call it these days) like JJ, but Danneel doesn't like the ride. He still makes the decision to go on that ride no matter that she doesn't like it. HE MAKES HIS OWN CHOICES. He could have told Danneel no about staying up but he didn't. He chose to go anyway, knowing he had an early morning. That's on him, not her, no matter the reasoning behind his making the decision. He is responsible for himself. Stop pulling shit out of thin air to justify your hatred and jealousy, seriously.

3) As an abuse survivor, I am flat out asking that hgcowboy: can you please stop fucking throwing the word ABUSE around because you're insanely jealous of the woman who Jensen took with him to Rome and it's not you? Like seriously "Sleep deprivation IS abuse" - perhaps learn what actual abuse is and stop throwing that fucking word around (especially in this fucking context) for your own reasons and so you can keep your ongoing fantasy that Jensen is going to leave his wife for you for whenever the next time you meet him is (if you actually met him as you claimed). This is not the first time you've done this when it comes to the topic of Jensen and Danneel, and it needs to STOP. Every time you do it to justify your hatred and jealousy of a woman that the guy you're obsessed with is married to, you do harm to actual abuse survivors such as myself. Abuse is a serious subject and that word should not be thrown around lightly. Idgaf if you hate Danneel, you want to keep that toxicity going (as all hatred is), that's your business, but stop fucking using that word and STOP acting/saying it like you are an expert on the matter, like you do on everything else you talk about like acting, the industry, branding, Jensen's mental state, Danneel's mental state, their kids' mental states (remember that disgusting post you made about their youngest daughter because you couldn't distinguish a joking story from actual reality? saying she was a sociopath in the making? because I sure do), and psychology (spoiler alert on that one: you're not). Because from that statement alone, you clearly don't know what the fuck you're talking about. And it is absolutely disrespectful and damaging to the abuse survivor community when you say that shit and put it out into the universe. You really should be ashamed of yourself.

And those who have actually experienced abuse in any form know exactly how serious that word is, the kind of impact labeling a situation or event as such actually has, and would never use it so disrespectfully and so casually. Like I said, you ought to be ashamed.

Now for those who say Jensen was name dropping when talking about being a producer, did y'all actually watch the panel where he talks about it? He was stating how hard it was to actually get a project onto the air, no matter what the circumstances, i.e. having names attached that were highly successful. Where is the name dropping? Where is this him being so arrogant that he made himself sound like Thee Producer? Have y'all not learned by now to watch the panels for yourselves and not 100% trust the tweets that come out of these rooms? Meaning that their interpretation or translation and context may not always come across in their tweets? How many times does this need to happen in order for you to finally get it? And you guys say you're the critically thinking ones? Yeah, not so much.

Have your opinions, express them freely on your blogs or chosen social media, love/like or hate/dislike who/what you want, but for Christ's sake, can we please inject some rationale into this fandom once and for all? Not everything these guys say is meant to be taken literally or to be a sign of them being in a hostage situation with their wives that only you can help them escape from (looking at you blogger I mentioned above; just admit you're obsessed with Jensen and that's why you hate Danneel so much and go). Perhaps not all is right in the Jenneel world, perhaps there really is a separation on the horizon, perhaps there isn't, either way, it doesn't matter. It doesn't give you the right to throw that word around so casually. And you obviously haven't learned since your last claim of "abuse" that people were doing to Jared when a fan told him not to cry or she would start crying (not meant in a negative or demeaning way to him at all) in a panel a year or so ago. It's clear that you do not understand what that word means. If you truly care about the abuse survivor community, you'll stop using it for your own justifications, fantasies, and anti blog discourse.

And while we're at it, let's all just admit that half of the shit that's said about these guys (and their wives) would never be said to their faces. I seriously doubt you would say it to anyone's face if you had to look them in the eye and say it. You don't have to like these guys or these women, you're free to have your opinions and express them, but can we seriously stop with the exaggerated speculation and outlandish analysis of each word that comes out of these guys' mouths about every single aspect of their lives? We are not inside their heads, their homes, their marriages/relationships, or the inner working of their careers. Does that mean that each individual hasn't done something worth of legitimate criticism? No. They're human beings on a very public stage. Each one of them has done or said something that is not desirable and perhaps has caused you to un-fan them so to speak. But does that mean all of this fighting (i.e. Jensen fandom vs Jared fandom & Jared fandom vs Misha fandom) and toxicity and drama and spreading of negativity needs to continue? No. Why can't we just enjoy what we enjoy about this series and/or these guys and leave it at that?

It's just beyond frustrating. I swear, if I could make my own tag for this show and Jensen on here, I would. Tumblr has to come up with a better filtering tag system than the one they currently have in place.

Just had to get that out. Done.

Edit: I don't usually include names in any of these posts but after the person named here came at me the way she did, accusing me of shit I didn't do, and sicced her followers on me for no damn good reason, now Idgaf.

#anti jared hate #anti danneel hate #anti jensen hate #anti misha hate #anti genevieve hate #anti hate everywhere #anti antis #and STOP throwing the word ABUSE around #you should be ashamed of yourself hologramcowboy #spn fandom bullshit

15 notes · View notes

starview-cafe · 2 years

Note

Do you forgive yourself?

Wheatley: Go on and get comfy now... I've got quite a lot to say about this.

Wheatley: I'll start by saying this... I am aware that what I did wasn't right. I'm aware it was... very wrong, actually. I've had a LOT of time to think about just HOW wrong I was. Nothing but time, actually. For about 3 years, I was stuck orbiting this rock. Every time I'd pass by the Earth I'd think about it. For 3 years! And I never once started to feel better about it... I actually think I felt worse as time went on. So, believe me. I am very, very aware of what I've done.

Now, I could sit here all day and give you the rationale for why I acted the way I did. But I don't want to do that. I don't want to sound like I'm just... trying to write it off as being nothing. Like "I was such a victim, and I was completely justified!" Because it's not like that at all. I tried to hurt people. People who had done nothing wrong! ... Well... one of them had done nothing wrong. Let's be honest, the other one totally deserved it--BUT!! BESIDES THAT... The only reasoning I can give you in good conscience is that... I am a right and proper moron. But, at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter WHY I did what I did, now does it? What matters is... I've done it. And I'm not proud of it. Not one bit.

I can sit up here, feeling terrible and sorry all I'd like, but, looking at things realistically, it's not going to change anything that's happened. You can't change the past. That's all already happened, hasn't it? No matter how hard I wish that I could take it all back, it's just not going to do a bloody thing. I don't … look, I really don't want it to sound like I just don't care. I do! But... I mean, augh… you can only think about something so much before it stops being helpful! I don't think it's doing ANYONE any good for me to continue to dwell on it.

Do I forgive myself... that's.... that's a bit, pointless to think about, isn't it? That doesn't matter so much, after all I'm not the one to apologize to. I didn't do myself wrong. But I was a horrible monster to her. If anyones forgiveness of me actually has value, it would be hers. But I couldn't even apologize to her if I wanted to... which I do. I want to quite badly. But... even if I did... let's say that I could apologize to her. If I did... I can't control whether or not she forgives me. Apologizing doesn't automatically mean you get forgiveness. And that's completely fair! No one involved has any obligation to forgive me at all. It doesn't matter how sorry I am or how much I regret it. That doesn't play a tenth of a part in it.

I almost think it would be selfish of me to even try to apologize at this point. Do I think reaching out and saying I'm sorry would make her feel better about what happened? Well, no. I doubt it. At that point, it'd just be for me and my closure. I don't want to subject her to percieving me again just for that. I have to consider what she would want, too. And I feel like she would just like to be left alone.

It's like... like if your high school bully reached out to you 11 years after graduation and said "Oi gov, remember all the times I flushed yer gob in the loo? Yea, dreadful sorry for that mate." like, would that make you feel better?? No, of course not! You'd be like... "why the hell is this daft codger talking to me again..." It's just not helpful to anyone!

I can't simply take back what I've done, no matter how much I want to. But I'll tell you--I'll tell you what I CAN change. I can change what I do now. My options after that day are A. carry on being a proper bellend or... or, B.... Don't. Be better. Do better. And you know… I'd like to think that I am.

Do i forgive myself? Well, the answer is no, I don’t. I don’t forgive my past self for what he’s done. That’s why I’m trying to be better, up here.

Wow that was... I know I said I had a lot to say but... that was a LOT to say. Hah... I've just thought about this so much, and never had anyone to really... talk to about it. Just sort of built up, I guess.

Well, thanks for listening, anyways.

#Wheatley #Wheatley core #ask wheatley #Portal 2 #Portal #Wheatley ask blog #Portal ask blog #anonymous #thanks for asking!#this is a lot of text #I apologize #I kinda wanted to draw more for it but it would have taken me ages probably #chrono

24 notes · View notes

oreganosbaby · 1 year

Note

I love your post about Roman automatically recognizing as soon as Logan said he needed a "firebreather" that the person Logan was describing wasn't him. That's a new thing, I think. Kind of. Roman has always had better self-awareness than Kendall and Shiv (though, that's a very low bar). But in the past, I feel like he'd often try to contort himself to become who Logan wanted because he felt he had no other option. Now that he has another option, he's more free to be someone that Logan might reject because he has somewhere to go. Does that make sense?

I don't think Roman ever truly believed he could become the person Logan wanted, not for any extended period of time. At most, he believed he could "pass" and functionally do that but, he will easily be reminded that he's not Logan, will never be nor does he truly want to be. I mean, his core motivation was always inverse from what it's "supposed" to be, anyway. You're right that he previously felt like he had no other option but, I don't think that would necessitate complete denial of who he is. For Roman, what he's doing is not necessary insofar as this, the business shit and who Logan wants him to be, isn't like "natural." It's all socially constructed but, Roman also sees it as totalising and inescapable, in part because Logan is God but also the networks of power in neoliberal capitalism are far too complicated to escape individually, making it God-like as well-- they are both are sublime.

Roman is able to be more self-aware because he's been forcibly made aware of his own worldly existence, his body (which implies libido and emotions). He remembers this as occurring through the dog pound but, the veracity of that is irrelevant. What's important is that it's this imposition of the social order, capitalism, Logan's hierarchical system, the gender roles, etc., that makes Roman aware of this. Logan sets the norms, Roman doesn't fit them and then, discipline is imposed on him but, he is unable to really absorb this as he's "supposed to," often taking it as punishment instead because he can't sustain the delusion that he could become Logan. The result is an awareness of who he is through his inability to change. He also just has a smaller ego than Shiv and Kendall.

So, I agree that Roman is in a position where he has (realistic) options, albeit two shitty ones, which makes it more possible for him to gesture toward leaving. I also think he's just tired of all of it so, it might be better to stick with his father who will never love him the way he wants to be loved but, whom he loves regardless and might also stop demanding he kill for him now that the whole situation's changed. When Logan asked him to go to Sweden with him instead of Connor's wedding, he seemingly tried to bait him by saying that the job he'd be doing there is more suited to him i.e., being a honeypot. Like, Logan saying "You'll keep it light," is the closest he'll ever get to admitting that's what Roman's good at. So, there is this recognition of that which is interesting but, Roman of course, goes for Connor's wedding. Logan then asks him to kill someone he was once close to and has complicated feelings about as perhaps, a demonstration of loyalty.

Since I'm answering this a week after, I'll also add that Roman's already done some shit that Logan would fucking hate but, Logan's not here stop him and his feelings are strong enough to supersede certain things Logan has attempted to discipline into him (although Roman doesn't take well to discipline in the first place).

#sunflowerdigs #succ sesh #dalia replies #succession spoilers

9 notes · View notes

ofdinosanddais1 · 5 months

Note

Eugenia lies to kids about her disorder. She lies and says nothing is wrong. Just because she doesn't tell anyone to look like her doesn't mean anything. She's an influencer. She's influencing. Everyone knows she's sick, it's not a secret. Glorifying it and lying about it the way she does is deceitful to kids. "Ec says she feels fine and not sick, I'll probably be okay" never at any point is she honest about how harmful it has been to her and potentially could be to the thousands of kids watching her. If she had any kind of decency, then she'd age restrict so kids could stop watching her flash and do struggle porn. But she doesn't. Because she's not a nice person. She likes when people like you defend her like she's innocent. She's been online for years and years. she's well aware what she doing and you're one of the dummies defending her.

First of all, of course you're too cowardly to say this off anon.

Second, no one is entitled to her medical information not even you. Idgaf if she "lies" about her medical condition (AKA, her just not talking about it) because it's literally none of our business and never will be unless you are her medical team.

Third, pick up a fucking psychology book because eating disorders aren't caused by looking at people who are thin. They're caused by dysfunctional nerves in the brain. People aren't going to look at someone who's thin and automatically develop an eating disorder. People with eating disorders actively seek out content of thin/emaciated people regardless of the cause of their emaciation/thinness. So people emaciated because of cancer could be "thinspiration" for them. Should cancer patients be kicked off the internet for that?

Eugenia has a medical condition that makes her thin. She has stated that much herself. Her silence on her private medical information is not going to prevent eating disorders.

You know what does prevent eating disorders? Believing children about the emotional/physical pain they're experiencing, being there for your friends, and also understanding that eating disorders are complex as fuck and being thin is a product of their condition, not the cause of it.

Also, Eugenia routinely says "this is how my body is" which is a verifiable fact because eating disorders can influence how your body looks and eating disorders aren't a choice and "you don't need to look like me" WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU SHOULD WANT HER TO SAY.

Eating disorders will exist long before Eugenia ever comes into the picture and will exist in the exact same capacity that they are now should Eugenia disappear from the internet because they're not about being thin, they're about exerting control in an unhealthy way due to dysfunctional neurons. It's almost like mental illness is inherently complex because the brain is the most complex organ in the body.

Read a psychology book, study up on HIPAA, listen to actual fucking professionals, and stop stigmatizing eating disorders.

#eugenia cooney #omfg it's almost like mental illness is inherently complex because it deals with the most complex organ of the body #eating disorders #tw: eating disorders #psychology

3 notes · View notes

be-side-my-self · 1 year

Note

Geez, just bc someone doesn't share the same view as you on a character dynamic, doesn't mean they're automatically a bad person. What the hell does "I hope you'll understand emotions one day" even has to do with that person not being a fan of your favourite ship? That was so uncalled for. Way to make people hate your ship even more.

Very well...

First of all "someone" and I came to an understanding. We talked about it and everything is fine. I am thankful for her reaching out to me! And I'm sorry that her posting will be used as an example. But this is not about her which is why I'll use they/them to talk about this random "hater" I'll use in this post as well as a general "you" for them.

Let's get started.

So, should I have reacted to the post at all? Maybe not (but something positive came out of it so I'm even a bit glad). Did I let my emotions show? Of course (I was in a very bad mood that does not excuse it though). Could I have said all I wanted to say better? Oh certainly.

Because now I have to explain what I meant.

But first let‘s pull out the complete quote instead of just what you decided to focus on, anon.

Hate is a strong word for a fictional ship… I hope you’ll understand emotions one day and then understand the different nuisance that can be read between Travis and Laura beside them being enemies or maybe partner in crime.

"I hope you’ll understand emotions one day" has nothing to do with a person not being a fan of "my ship". But it has all to do with the fact that they mentioned to hate one of "my ships" but then in the comments when people agree with them suddenly turns around and try to soften the blow. Which is understandable!

But that is what happened on that post. And it's okay to not like a ship. I agree with that. I have ships that I dispise. I steer away from them because there is no sense in attacking them. I would especially not compare them to "my ship" and tag it with the tag that is only for the enemy ship so the fans will see "the hate". Even if I didn't mean it. Even if it was just a joke. Humor is different for everyone as is taste. But not everyone is aware of that, not everyone understands how tumblr and fandom work so maybe pointing it out is a way to learn?

But certainly in a calmer way than I chose.

Now the reason why I said HATE is a strong word is very simple. I used to use it a lot, feel it a lot until I read Maskerade by Terry Pratchett and did some more growing up.

“But that was just it - hate was exactly the right word. Hate is a force of attraction. Hate is just love with its back turned.”

If you really hate something you'll return to it and you'll obsess about it. You'll go through everything about it just to make fun of it. It's also part jealousy and it will certainly burn up your energy and time. Let me quote Bender.

"Bender knows love, and love doesn't share itself with the world. Love is suspicious, love is needy, love is fearful, love is greedy."

I don't think that this quote is true for love. And the first part is not true for hate either because hate does share itself with the world. But the second sentence? That is hate. Suspicious, needy, fearful, greedy.

Anyway, all I know is my life got better after I started to understand this pattern. I tried to stop myself from hating. I still indulge in things I dislike but more out of curiosity and because I want to understand. Also I'm only human (and I guess a masochist). Emotions are a part of me and spite belongs there.

What is even worse about hating is that, you'll invite other people to hate along your side even if that is not your intention.

Because that too happened on the post.

You say you hate something and people will flock to it and agree with you in your hate. It happened on the post too.

"I love Ship A/B but I hate Ship C/D"

All comments and reactions (mine included) were about the hate of ship C/D.

And that is fucking scary! But as you make your bed, you must lie on it.

Wouldn't it be so much better if people joined together in their love for ship A/B?

And this is what I meant! You have to understand emotions, your own and those of others, to become a better person! To enjoy your fandom!

And that is not only true for fandom! It is true for every aspects of life!

Leave out the hate!

And this is not some new wave bullshit or some neurotypical love-life-laugh philosophy. This is a pattern you can see again and again and it will always be true.

I won't say no matter how *positive uwu* you are you won't not have to fight battles! But you can avoid them if you don't focus on stuff you hate! If you don't focus on stuff that makes you suffer!

Avoid! Block! Ignore! Not always your battle!

I know it's fucking hard to change your ways! But so worth it!

Like this fucking comment? What does it give you, anon?

While you, anon, was annoyed about me being annoyed about the post the whole thing already was solved in the background.

All you, anon, get now is a philosophical rant about focusing your energy on things you love and that trying not to hate on things is more healthy for your mind, dear anon.

Your battlecry ask has been uncalled for, anon!

As for people hating even more on "MY SHIP" because of this comment that I made on a post with a total of 44 notes, not one coming from my blog... I don't think that my reaction will add to the antis miserable hate any more.

They made up their mind. The two characters of "my ship" hate(1) each other and that is the only correct way to see it and everyone who sees it different is a sick fuck who deserves to fucking die or get jailed away for their thought crimes of shipping two adult fictive people.

I still hope for them that they manage to leave the hate behind themselves and learn an important aspect that now comes as another lesson.

Any interaction between two characters (or real people) can be seen as either romantic or platonic (or anything in between) depending on the own preference.

And that is even more true with games where you can make a decision as the player!

It's like with ink pictures. Everyone might see something different depending on your experiences, emotional state and hopes for the future.

I hope you have a great day, anon and that you learned something.

(1) which is one of the reasons why the fuck. Because hate has a very special pull close to love as established before.

#hackearney #the quarry #fandom #fandom hate #anti behaviour #fanfiction #fanart #be better

4 notes · View notes

jankwritten · 2 years

Text

having a hard time existing alone in my head rn so I'm jut gonna kind of dump all of my stressed out bullshit into this post so I can stop just having it all ricochet around in there sorry about that let's hope this immediately gets buried. I don't want to post it but I know that if I don't post it it's going to sit in the back of my mind and I hate that so I just gotta fuckin hit the button and hope nobody reads this WAHOO.

grey is oversharing on the internet again, who woulda guessed. i think part of why i feel the need to post this is because somebody else might feel the same in some capacity and therefore I won't feel so alone. hm. either way: don't read this if you're uncomfortable with strangers on the internet being stupidly open about cringey thoughts and feelings. don't read this if you get secondhand embarrassment either lmao.

edit: the fact that a sugardaddy bot thing just commented on this has reminded me of the absurd beauty that is reality.

i'm having one of those days where everything feels like it's my fault no matter how much I tell myself that it isn't and that it's largely selfish of me to think that I matter so much that I'm the one causing everybody all of their problems. i know that's not true. I know that I might have CONTRIBUTED to some of it by being careless but that doesn't automatically mean that I caused it or it's entirely my fault and that's really hard to contend with for some reason.

i'm terrified that all of my friends and family hate me all of a sudden because I know they don't.

i can't do my homework because my ADHD is out of control and I feel like I'm numb and floating out of my own head every time I even sit and TRY to concentrate on the readings I should have done 4 days ago. I will do my homework and it will take me 3 hours longer than it normally does and that's okay but it doesn't feel like it's okay and I can't control it because everyone i talk to in any medical or serious capacity doesn't seem to take me seriously when I say I think I have ADHD or autism or SOMETHING that does this to me, because I have a 4.0, and I get nothing but As, and that's because I have crippling anxiety that balances it out.

I only just today learned that it's OKAY to tell people when you might not be around much because you're having a bad day. if I start doing that too I feel like i'll just use it like a crutch and never talk to anybody again even though i love talking to people.

i feel like i'm messed up but not messed up enough to really SAY that I'm messed up because all I'm messed up is in my own head and I DID IT to myself, nobody else did it. i'm fucked up in a way that doesn't make sense when I try to explain it because the way it is is just ME, in my OWN HEAD, saying this shit and coming up with things and not being able to forget it or stop thinking about it until it haunts me. maybe that's just what having anxiety is but wow does it feel fucking isolating. like no, my parents never abused me or neglected me, but I grew up terrified that there was always the possibility that they COULD and I got it into my head that there is ALWAYS going to be that possibility which means that I always have to be on my guard and always being the best person I can be so I at least know that when it happens it's not because I deserve it.

i keep looking over at my door expecting someone to walk in and catch me crying about all this and I'm so scared of that that I'm holding off tears in the privacy of my own space for the fear of it. like that can't be normal, can it?

none of this to mention the fact that I think when I got COVID it majorly fucked with my memory and COVID isolation/quarantine for the past 2 years really sapped all of my social understanding and awareness and now every time I leave the house I'm TERRIFIED of having to interact with other people because I just flat out don't know how. i don't really remember anything anymore. what I do remember is always the most anxious parts, the scariest parts because they are what made me feel the most.

ugh. I think everything has been building up to today for weeks now lmao i'm finishing school next week and I'm going to be free for the first time since fuck knows when and I am BRUTALLY TERRIFIED of what comes next. i have all of these obligations and things I need to finish for school too that keep slipping my mind, not to mention the things I need to do for IRL.

#oversharing on the internet is my specialty #not pjo #tw deeply personal shit #tw mental health talk #tw anxiety #yes i know putting this online is a horrible idea and I'm going to regret this later but #what is tumblr for if not for going off on rants about the worst parts of yourself right #you know what writing this did help a little bit though and i'm gonna stand by that #hey if anybody actually reads this shit and relates you're not alone i am in this pit with you mon ami #this mental breakdown brought to you by the 10 weeks of intense study of racism in America that I've done for a class #which has in turn made me contemplate every possible way that I've contributed to that system #and so forth and so forth and so forth spiraling into oblivion about it and whatnot

9 notes · View notes