#And simultaneously the feeling of dread

[thetardisisnotourdivision]

You know that bit of year eleven where you've finished all the content for the courses you're doing but it isn't quite exam season yet so it just feels like you're in limbo... how from the very start of the year I just felt like I was waiting for the 15th of May, to start the exams I've been prepared for since I was four... all the threats and practice and now it's real and it's like you just can't process it, something that has been nothing but a looming shadow for so long is suddenly so real and just around the corner. Full circle. It'll all be over and my mind just can't figure out what to do with that knowledge.

#Its very similar to that one specific Neurodivergent™ mood where something's happening later in the day #so you Cannot Do Anything until then #Like I feel like I'll fail if I even mildly divert from doing revision #I've stopped sewing and watching the shows I like #Everything I do now pertains to Passing My Exams #There's something there isn't there #The threat finally becoming a reality #The threat of failure whenever I didn't do my homework or wasn't in school enough #Even when I was seriously ill #“you'll fail your GCSEs” is all I've ever heard #“it'll look good on the exam” #“The examiners want to see this even though they haven't specified that you should include it” so we're supposed to just guess? #Years of mark schemes and “what the examiners want to see” and “how they'll try to trip you up” #Over a decade of being told about these faraway exams that will shape my life #Five years of “you'll fail your exams if you don't do xyz” whenever someone wanted me to do something #Five years of using these exams as an excuse to work myself to death because it was that or face the pain #Five years of having to be perfect and it'll all just be... Over #It's a strange kind of freedom that I know I'll look back on and cry #A strange feeling of being able to breathe for the first time #And simultaneously the feeling of dread #The one constant in my life #The exams I was told I would someday face #Is about to be gone #No more excuses #No more running from my problems #No more endless revision and homework and “your grades will drop if you're ill” #Just silence #It'll be Over and I just can't process that #gcse revision #gcses

[panncakes]

Phi. Hmm? Why can't I see you?

LAST TWILIGHT (2023)

#last twilight #last twilight the series #lasttwilightedit #mine* #jimmysea #mhokday #jimmy jitaraphol #sea tawinan #bledit #had to break my own heart making this set #but it's just a really good scene #that both punched me in the gut and made me feel incredible dread #they are both genuinely good actors #but i keep being continuously impressed by how good sea is at face acting and using his eyes to convey his emotions whilst simultaneously #never failing to make me doubt that day is actually vision impaired #there's so many layers and nuance; no wonder he was exhausted on set lmao #anyway happy holidays

[that-starlight-prince]

Bleh

#long story short i got my hair cut bc i'm going to see my family soon and i didn't want to deal with them making comments about it #bc they always can't resist whenever i let my hair grow even a little #and apparently even at almost 27 years old i'm so sensitive that i'll do this just to avoid the whole situation #honestly i feel more anxious than usual about seeing them this time #and my brother is going down this very weird political path of seemingly immersing himself in right wing social media discourse #while simultaneously becoming a massive fanboy for the soviet union #if he's not talking about how stalin did nothing wrong he'll be explaining why they/them aren't actually valid pronouns #and it's kinda heartbreaking bc for basically my entire childhood he was my best and only friend #and now i dread even seeing him #while simultaneously dreaming about just announcing that i'm nonbinary in the middle of family dinner next time he starts talking about it #just to spice up the conversation a little ya know #oops kinda started rambling there huh #anyway hair hurry up and grow back i miss you already

[gachapulls]

if im being hashtag honest i dont think i ever want to look my mother in the eyes again after calling her yesterday sobbing uncontrollably about needing a hug

#LIKE......... i feel crazy idk . like now shes knows really i need her so bad its crazy while simultaneously i dread the day i see her again #txt

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Beginning to really wonder how much of my financial concern is manufactured and handed to me as opposed to something I'm genuinely concerned by

#bc like. i'm getting by just fine. i don't have anything to be reasonably worried about #but also when i was a kid my father would break down my mother's paycheck and basically explain how broke we were #and that May Have Affected Me Somewhat #as well as just. the way you consistently see the advice to just save! don't get takeout! necessities! and i'm not intent on living like #a monk nor am i intent on being on that grindset for financial gain #it's like i don't intrinsically care but i have so many messages given to me about how i need to care a lot and it puts me in a weird spot #i am simultaneously standing still and moving at mach speeds #i mean right now i just need a safety net while in between jobs; after that i need to save up to move out of state bc the uh #political situation and upcoming presidential election don't seem very sustainable for someone like me anymore #they weren't to begin with but i don't wanna stick around to see how bad it's gonna get #but it's like. okay and then what? save for what? going back to school i guess? idk #i feel like i keep asking myself what i'm trying to accomplish and keep trying to force myself to have answers #here and now when i have to be okay with taking things one step at a time instead of having everything here and now #it's simultaneously fine and terrible and i am holding two conflicting yet equal truths #i feel i may have a clearer head once i leave my current job. i'm trying to look but nothing feels appealing given how #burnt out i already feel. i dread going back into my workplace and i fear it's showing to the patients and i don't want that #i want a month off to rediscover who i am as a person outside of getting yelled at in retail and then pick something back up #could be feasible. genuinely could be. i need to sort out the health insurance aspect but. that's lowkey the plan? #to construct a financial safety net and then slam on the breaks for a while; see if i can strike up a deal with the staff about me #coming in for specific tasks bc we already know i'm quick and efficient with the inventory so i do have a little leverage #you know what. this is getting some of it off my chest and i'm starting to feel confident again lmao #i won't be doing weekends starting either next week or the week after so that's a start! i just think i want everything done right now #bc i'm afraid i won't have the chance again but i will. i definitely will #i just need to let myself get to that point; it's just the immense drain from the register work and the Everything that comes with retail #also having to accept that it's okay to leave this; there's not something wrong with me like. ''not being able to handle it'' or w/e #no mindfulness or detachment could've saved me; it was shit and i'm hitting the bricks and that's all there is to it #i've been thinking a lot about it all lately bc it's what's most prominent in my life rn of course #idk. pondering. introspecting. as i am wont to do #anyways if you've read all this you're a real mvp and i am kissing you on the hand #shai speaks

[i-dreamed-i-had-a-son]

Thinking again about the line "I am what you made me" and how it's an example of really thoughtful and quality writing despite what angry fanboys might say because it simultaneously means "You cut me down and watched me burn and left me to die. You did this to me. You made me," and "You and the Jedi Council restricted me and suspected me and failed me and called it teaching. I am who you trained me to become. You made me." It's an attack on Obi-Wan on every front, reinforcing every aspect of his guilt, and beyond that demonstrates to Obi-Wan and the audience that Vader takes absolutely no accountability for his own actions. It's an incredibly clear picture of the depth of the hatred Vader has for Obi-Wan, and all it took was six words. That is how you write.

#kenobi series spoilers #kenobi series #obi wan kenobi #meta #anakin skywalker #star wars #and then i could go into why it's so perfect that the only thing obi-wan could say is 'what have you become?' #he's never seen vader in this form before--this terrifying spectre of death who is so utterly evil even in appearance #this stiffer more brutal robotic being who kills without question and without any purpose beyond causing pain #who still somehow feels exactly as obi-wan remembers. who is still *anakin* but yet is so utterly not #and how obi-wan doesn't know what vader has done or even what he's capable of. he didn't know he was even alive #he's entirely in the dark and is terrified to learn what horrors vader has inflicted on the universe #horrors that are obi-wan's fault. vader is an instrument of terror that obi-wan created #so that lack of knowledge and absolute dread of what vader has done and what he will do make obi-wan ask 'what have you become?' #while simultaneously he also is asking 'how have you fallen so far? how could you who i once knew so well now be so unrecognizable?' #'what have you become' instead of 'what have you done.' not merely doing evil but becoming it #'what have you become' instead of 'who.' not only is he someone obi-wan doesn't know he has become something less than human #and obi-wan can't say anything else because beyond the fear and the exhaustion he is once again devastated by anakin's fall #it's the mourning for lost potential. for lost goodness. for lost intimacy and friendship and love twisted into vile and bitter hatred #a recognition and a reminder of everything that was as well as a despairing denouncement of everything that is #all of that in four words. and the equally devastating response takes only two more. these are men who know how to hurt each other #and that kind of knowledge can only come because they once knew how to love each other just as deeply as they now wound each other. #everything they do is so wrapped up in everything that came before and it is one massive and neverending explosion of agony #because most of all--vader hates every fiber of obi-wan's being. but he can tell in obi-wan's words that obi-wan still loves him #nothing is more painful than hatred met with love. #quality meta seal of approval #my meta posts #kay can i just catch my breath for a second #kay has a party in the tags #the tragedy of darth vader

[pentanguine]

It should not, at all, be this warm in January in the American Northeast. But also it’s sunny and I’m lying under a tree and happy

#personal #there really needs to be a word for the instinctive joy and grief of this kind of weather #my body is simultaneously rejoicing at the sun and the feel of wind on my bare arms #the world is alive and beautiful and full of light and i can be out amongst it all! #and filling with a dread/panic/grief because this isn’t spring this is a warped winter #there’s no snow here and it’s only really snowed once #and while i was visiting my parents i found the memory card for my old camera and i took so many pictures of a beautiful winter snow #in north carolina in 2010 #the american south was getting more snow fourteen years ago than new england is getting now #what do you do with that? how do you process that? #climate change

[james-stark-the-writer]

uhhhhhhhhhhhhh sorry to Star Wars post but. dear god they're making a new movie. just saw a post about it bc i was checking a creator's socials and. not to get my hopes up after the anti-art piece of shit that Rise of Skywalker was but. with these creatives behind it, i'm cautiously optimistic? those episodes (4 & 5) of Ms. Marvel were well-directed (outside of the action scenes Marvel tells directors not to bother with. and if you're confused about what i'm referring to, go look up what they told Lucrecia Martel about the action scenes), Dirty Pretty Things is a severely underrated movie with a really fun script and Chiwetel Ejiofor gives a phenomenal performance (and i've heard only good things about Peaky Blinders though i haven't gotten around to seeing it yet), and (not to put too much faith into fan speculations bc we don't have official confirmations for any of this afaik) while i'm not pumped on Rey returning with where RoS left off bc duh and that plot doesn't sound like Disney would actually make that bc it's not a simple good guy bad guy plot that they use for Star Wars movies but uh. i'm like vaguely excited about it. would be the first Star Wars film i'd get to see in theaters since i got into the franchise.

i'm not naive enough to think it could ever be anything as incredible as The Last Jedi but maybe it could at least be something making new meaning of old parts like The Force Awakens? hopefully????

#james talks #star wars #trying to not get excited about this bc it might get canceled anyway #but also like. trying to temper my expectations and recognize it could just be another fucking RoS bc— #of everything i've been hearing about how the new SW shows have been going and how empty they all are. #andor excepted of course #but like. idk. feel simultaneously a sense of dread and a sense of excitement about this.

[deeply-unserious-fellow]

Every journey ends where it started, but how true is that, really? How often do you end up in the same place you began? How long until you can't go back anymore?

Everything rots. Everything decays. And one day it'll all be gone. Your home, your family, your friends. I wish I could say it wouldn't. I wish I could say there are things that'll never change. But I can't without lying. Everything changes and it's scary and maybe that's okay.

And maybe it's hard to accept that it's okay. Maybe you end up kicking and screaming and punching and biting and still can't accept that it's fine. But it is. No matter how hard you fight to change the rate of change, you won't. So you'll just inevitably accept it. Acceptance is the last stage of grief, after all.

I'm still struggling to accept it. Everytime I try I feel as though I'm in danger, I'm exposing myself to the cruelty of the universe. So I kick! And I scream! And I punch and I bite but the universe doesn't care. One day I'll get too tired to fight, one day my stubborness will fade and I'll be willing to accept change and all the tragedy it comes with. Accept the fact that once something's gone you'll never get it back. But until then I will continue my pointless fight with fate, because when you're scared and confused it's so much easier to just lash out then to accept the truths that are frightening you.

I hope one day you'll be able to accept it. I hope one day I'll be able to accept it. But until then, don't let it get to you, okay? For my sake and yours.

#this is simultaneously my desperate attempt to comfort myself and just. a love letter to anyone else struggling rn #I'm so scared and confused all the time #and I know a lot of other ppl are too #I know I'm not special in that regard #but I still want anybody struggling right now to see this and feel at least a little less alone #I know this is something I need to hear right now. not something I WANT to here- #like if somebody told me this rn I'd prolly burst into tears and keep fighting #but I do need to hear it #so uh. take this ig #existentialism #existential dread #existential #comfort #comforting #musings #poetry adjacent #like it doesn't have the structure of a poem #but I think the vibes are there- #gal has an existential crisis again

[cuntstable]

lucy sbr makes me so sad im trying to like turn her around more in my mind…..

#simultaneously excited to see where her story goes but also dreading it because. well #just got to her backstory and like… i do have thoughts about it….. #her and stephens relationship is interesting if not also a bit messed up (thankfully not in the way youd think) but a part of me thinks its #intentional… like yes they have a familiar relationship but obvious a 14 year old feeling like shes a mother to this grown adult (that shes #also married to and whos her guardian figure) is fucked up. like i guess its explained by her #growing up the eldest sister in a struggling house with no mother and many younger siblings. and the sacrifices she was willing to make for #her family further add to the Caretaker characterization….. but that doesnt change the fact that its very sad for a child to feel like they #have to take that role. like its something shes assigned herself even now when it doesnt need to be that way #and obviously its the reason she becomes involved in the plot and gets put in these horrible situations #also i said that she was willing to sacrifice for her family but i do wish her short backstory had involved her persoective more bc we dont #actually know what she felt about the whole Mafia thing. or marriage initially. sigh #jojo

[pocket-clown]

So. How we feeling about the Joker sequel.

#pocketpostings #I'm simultaneously thrilled and excited yet worried and full of dread #I feel like it'll either be very good or very bad and I am telling myself if Todd handles it how he did the OG film it'll be alright

[bisaster-energy]

My dad: asking if I'm over stressed

Me literally on the verge of tears:

#im at the end of my fuckin rope tbh #never take any asynch courses guys it's asking to be taken out back and shot #but i had no choice man #and yeah im OVERWORKED what college student isn't #it's been so clear im on the edge but being asked today of all days...with all the bullshit i have to do today specifically... #oh the anger the immense dread and the simultaneous emptiness of it all #every time i find myself normalizing Feeling Bad Nearly Always i turn to grey's anatomy: #''life is not supposed to be like this. it's not supposed to be this hard.''

[viireos]

🫠

#this is the 4th time ive had a convo w/ family that was #family asks why im not ok and i answer ‘im depressed’ and they hit me back with ‘depressed about what?’ #theres a lot i could say to them but how much they’d actually understand is another story #im depressed about. a lot of things. But believe me!!! Im trying!!! #Im working on my habits and balancing my work and personal life!!! #Idk how to explain the dread and anxiety i feel over everything and nothing simultaneously!!! #update: its 2am and i cant sleep bc i feel nauseous #Idk if its bc of stress/anxiety but i dont appreciate this after meticulously fixing my messed up sleep achedule #i really really want to stay optimistic but the last few months + year have severely worn me out #feel like crying tbh #bird.txt

[tiktaaliker]

sometimes I manage to convince myself that I'm relatively normal(tm) and then some part of my brain decides to picture an object with perfectly smooth sides and the rest of my brain immediately goes into panic mode

#howling #new breed of 'imagine a guy to get mad at' just dropped #invent a new shape to get scared about #tbh it's kind of funny to me at this point it's been happening for like my entire life #so I'll be experiencing the Horror Prism and be like hiiiii haven't seen you for a while hows it been #while simultaneously feeling immense and overwhelming dread #that's just how it be sometimes

[bogleech]

Lately I keep thinking about environmental campaigns since roughly my childhood had to play up rainforests as these bright, shiny, heavenly fairy-tale utopias in order to get people to care about them. But in older media they're like dark, terrifying, brutal primordial deathworlds, the "SAVAGE UNTAMED JUNGLE!!!!" to the point that we still call the same exact thing a "jungle" in media if it's supposed to be more dangerous and exciting, even though there's really no technical distinction there. The reality though is that both are simultaneously true. I keep going on this rant lately but everything scary, painful, disturbing or dangerous about nature IS beautiful and wonderful and awesome!!! It fucking sucks that the majority of people only want to care about nature if they can comfortably hike it in their jorts and their crocs and only care about animal species if they're pretty to look at, useful or cuddle-able. "Rainforests" are absolutely kickass brutal primordial deathworlds. They're beautiful and precious and fantastic but they are also places where leeches will rain down on you from the trees until all your clothes are bloodstained and stinging ants the size of your thumb will make you feel like you're burning to death with a sting and one scratch from that adorable little monkey can torture you to death with sepsis. You'd never even guess, from how rainforests are portrayed on TV, that the thick canopy means they're actually dark as shit 24/7.

We get told piranhas actually aren't scary and that's true! The dreaded candiru is also so unlikely to attack humans we still don't know for sure if it really happens! But you don't hear about the Amazonian catfish, the size of a piranha, and incidentally also sometimes called a "candiru catfish," that convergently evolved with a cookie cutter shark and comes out at night to bite big round scoops of flesh from unsuspecting thighs:

I would love to meet all of these terrible awful things and I want them all to thrive forever and ever. Please love nasty things. We are nasty things. We're the nasty things planet and it rocks.

#nature #biology

[donutz]

Yandere Dogday x smiling critters cat reader

A/N|| I kind of.. Completely forgot that Dogday was supposed to be a yandere, but he really wouldn't do much as one so... I think it's okay! ^_^

Request from Wattpad—! Here you go Shaymi999 ☆

Your ‘name’ was SleepyMew. Not so good is it? Well stick with it, it’s what they named you. You had some resemblance to Catnap, you both were about sleeping, and you two were cats.

So when you arrived, the other critters were all over you, saying that you were similar to Catnap. While Catnap stared from the shadows. 

It wasn’t impossible to see him up there, cats do have night vision after all.

While almost every critter was surrounding you, Dogday stayed behind. Getting a gooood look at you. You noticed that too.

Dogday snapped out of his trance and told the other critters to not crowd you, especially since you’re new.

He asked for your name and you said, “SleepyMew, though I don’t like the name…” You rubbed your eye, because you were just sooo sleepy!

One unique thing about you is that you didn’t have a permanent smile, you could actually move your mouth. Even with your cool feature, nobody was jealous. They found it amazing!!

“Well I like the name!” Dogday exclaimed, causing the other critters to look at each other. Not curious, noooo, they think somethin new is goin on with Dogday.

“He has a crush on Mew.” KickinChicken whispered to Hoppy Hopscotch, and since dog’s have excellent hearing Dogday heard every bit of Kickin’s claim, “Hey! I do not!”

Kickin realized he was caught and said, “What? I never said that?? Man who said that…” Causing the other critters to giggle.

“... Anyways! Would you like to be shown around the place?” Dogday questioned you, still suspicious of what Kickin said.

“Uhh, yeah sure.”

“Great! Come this way!” He softly grabbed your wrist and led you towards areas of playcare.

Even Catnap was a little bit suspicious of Dogday’s feelings.

After Dogday gave you a tour around the place, you settled in and started doing what you were made for. Calming down the kids. There were a few 5-6 year olds that were too excited, and the kids needed to be more chill for the activity.

You lazily walked over to them, asking their names. The kids stated them, and you dealt with their ecstatic energy. Meanwhile, Dogday was watching you deal with them, feeling both proud and impressed at your work.

His feelings growing bigger.

After a few months of working at playcare you and Dogday were together.

You two were sitting on the couch, while Dogday was right next to you, his leg over your lap. He has his arms lightly wrapping around your neck, his head laying on your shoulder. Obviously his tail was wagging.

“Hey… You know how people get rings on their finger in shows…” Dogday said.

“Yea, but how do you know that?”

“I saw it on a show once. Anyways, do you want that to be us?” He looked to your eyes.

You looked back at him, “Yea.”

After a few days you guys actually had this marriage. You didn’t expect it to happen but that was okay.

Cutely, you guys had these little toy rings, KickinChicken was the marriage officiant, “And you may now hug each other not just the bride.”

Then you two had a big hug, with a big smile on your face. Now that was rare.

Years later, all was hell, hundreds of dreaded screams filled even the smallest cracks of Playtime co.

All critters were trying to find a way to live, except one, Catnap.

Dogday was trying his best to get people to safety, while simultaneously worrying about you. “Where’s Catnap?!”

“Catnap is one of the murderers Dogday, we need to go.”

His eyes went wide, he never knew Catnap was doing this.

“WHAT?! How do you—”

“I saw it. I saw him violently kick away the children just so he can have his fill. Catnap isn’t going to leave with us, in fact, he’s following the Prototype.”

This was so sudden for Dogday, his best friend was the cause of all of this?!

“I know a spot where we can—” Your fur stood up, your hairs itching at your toy skin. Your irises went smaller and smaller, you slowly turned your head towards him. Towards Catnap.

The much bigger Catnap.

Knowing you were in danger, you started growling(you are a cat after all), but Dogday was… surprised. What you said was true, it’s not like he didn’t believe you, it’s just he didn’t expect to see it before his eyes.

“Dogday, run.” This was a fight between two cats, it’s better not to try to stop it. It can get quite bloody.

“WHAT?! NO I CAN’T—”

“GO.”

Reluctantly, Dogday sped away.

“THE PROTOTYPE WILL SAVE US.”

“...”

Then, the cat fight started.

Dogday was helping out others get to safety, as the nice dog he is… He was waiting for you. Hoping you’d make it out alive.

An hour later, he was looking for you. He found you! And you weren’t dead! You were very bloodied up, laying on the ground.

Dogday hurried over to you, happy you’re still alive. You wanted to yell out, tell him to not come over, but he is listening. So you shook your head really hard, something you did before this all happened. Why? Because that's how you indicated to not do it, to do anything(you did it when you didn’t want to talk). 

Thankfully, Dogday was watching you and not just doing actions. So he stopped. Catnap was right there, he could strike at any moment. You didn’t want that to happen to your precious Dogday.

Even if Dogday didn’t come out of the hallway he was in, Catnap still attacked. Well tried to. Dogday dodged in time and ran over to you, picking you up and high tailing it outta there.

You two managed to get to a somewhat safe area, and Dogday had time to be alone with you. There’s some bandages and rags in the area so he could heal you up, just a little bit.

Dogday was trying to calm down, but couldn’t. As the smiling critter who’s supposed to help relax others, you took action.

“It’s okay Dogday. I won’t die.”

“...” He looked up at you, with sincerity, “I should’ve never ran away…”

You cracked a small smile, “Hey, at least I got like… 5 scratches in?” Dogday furrowed his eyebrows a little, “Mew don’t joke around right now.”

“Sorry…”

After all this time, you wondered where Dogday was. Alive, hopefully. Apparently an angel entered the building, and was able to get by all the chances of death.

You don’t know where they are now, but you hope they could save Dogday.

“Hey.. It’s… Okay it’s not alright, but try to think about the positive things..” Poppy comforted(tried to).

“I am, but it doesn’t help at all unless I know that he’s safe.” You were shivering, hoping the positive scenarios you thought of were true.

Few hours later, Poppy and Kissy found a safe place where the player, or Dogday, could be.

Though you didn’t know Dogday was going to be there.

So once you saw him, you sped over to where he was and picked him up(you were in your larger form like Dogday).

You were crying, that’s the first time you’ve cried, even when Catnap was nearly killing you.

“I miss you so much love..” … Love? That’s a new one.

“Since when did you start calling me love?” You said with a smirk.

Dogday got a little flustered, “Uhm, I remembered that you didn’t really like your name, so I just thought of it…”

“Mhm.” You looked down and saw that he had no lower half. “Oh, that’s also new. Is that why you were so light?”

“... Yes.”

“Hm, player, do you know how to put together his body?”

They nodded and they immediately started working on putting his body back together.

After an hour, he finally had his legs back, he was still shorter than you though. “Hah! I’m tallerrrr!!” You bragged.

“... Really…?” He wasn’t annoyed, in fact he was happy, that he gets to see your smile again.

Player suddenly remembered that they found a ring while ‘adventuring’.

They mentioned it and asked if that’s anyone’s ring. Yours and Dogday’s eyes went wide. “Dogday is that your—”

“MY RING!!”

The player unknowingly just caused the biggest reaction from you two, just because they wanted to search around a little more.

“Angel, where did you find this?!”

They said it was in this area with a big paw pillow in the room.

“Catnap was keeping your ring?” You questioned.

It went silent, not for too long as your cat growls slowly filled the area.

“I’m killing that stupid cat.”

“Love, don't say that!”

He was secretly hoping you’d actually do it.

#poppy playtime #poppy platime fanfic #poppy playtime x reader #smiling critters #catnap #dogday #gender neutral #gender neutral reader #gn reader #dogday x reader #fluff relationship #poppy #kissy missy #kickinchicken #hoppy hopscotch #dogday x smiling critter reader #dogday x smiling critter cat reader